June 2014: Another rejection…

bags business commerce hanging

For a moment I’m going back to the middle of the streak era. If you don’t know for a period of over two years while still employed at The Show, I had a number of interviews and yet no job offer. This month marks five years since I had one interview where I had someone on the inside helping me and got nothing for it.

This story I told my mother in full recently. My dear old friend Anthony somehow went from a job at Finer Foods to a “Homegoods” store. The month before I called him and was trying to discuss with him another subject only for him to put the spotlight right back onto trying to get me on at “Finer”. Well anyway I showed a lack of will on that issue and Ant just let it go at least for that time.

One month later I get a random text from Anthony asking me if I wanted to work at that “Homegoods” company. I answered affirmatively and texts me to come up to his store that day. I get dressed to go for an interview, he’s worrying about when I’ll get there. I’m sure I made sure to give him an ETA if you will just so he won’t get worried. Knowing him if he’s involved he’ll get worried and I’ll hear about it.

When I get up there Anthony had just finished a shift up there at this store on the northern edge of downtown Chicago. He wanted me to meet with one of the managers up there and needed me to have a resume with an application. For a manager to be available we waited a moment even after Anthony had approached one about me. Eventually Anthony went home for the day as he was there early in the morning.

I waited a minute and one of the managers pulled me aside to a nearby desk in another department and we start talking. I try to sell myself as a man who can carry different hats as I had been doing at The Show. I answer questions as far as availability not really knowing the store’s operations. I also noted that I had been a longtime shopper with that company. He did open the door to questions near the end, however, I felt as if I didn’t get to ask more questions as the mgr cut the interview short.

Once it was over we shook hands and in 20/20 hindsight as I maintained my optimism he seemed to move onto the next thing rather quickly. I stopped him and thanked him again before I left just to be sure he hadn’t forgotten about me. However, I got the feeling perhaps this interview didn’t go as well for me as I thought it had. However, I got a rough timeline as far as when the store will call me about next steps.

Within the next few weeks Ant would send a quick text to let me know I will be hearing from the store. I was like great however just one problem, I never heard from them again. I didn’t know what info Ant was getting from mgmt – especially since I know he will follow-up if he’s really into something – however in the time after I interviewed (actually it was termed a screen) I just heard nothing. Who knows if his bosses just told him something just to get him off their backs.

Either way at least two months after this “screen” Ant texts me again simultaneously asking if I heard from his store and if I hadn’t call them. Of course true to form when in doubt I did nothing. While he showed some persistence with Finer Foods during the course of that year trying to help me find another job elsewhere from The Show he wasn’t as tenacious about this opportunity.

During the course of the remaining Streak Era period I had moved onto other opportunities which at this point were mostly banks and then one interview to be a theater manager at a national chain. I had finally gotten an offer which I accepted at Gotham Bank with whom I interviewed with at different branches over three months. Still even with some knowledge of the interviews I was starting to get Ant still would bring up the topic of Finer’s asking me to call his contact to get up to his then store who couldn’t interview me when I had been up there.

Needless to say I was really able to move on and not rest my laurels on contacting anyone who may or may not have the interest in me that I expected them to have. Thankfully I finally had found a employer away from the movie theater willing to hire me though in the long run it didn’t work out for yours truly.

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Creepy shy virgin

Dr. Nerdlove has written a number of articles about virginity over the years. Since starting this blog I have often searched out content with regards to male virginity narrowly in addition to other topics involving virginity. This article is one of those articles which often would be in my search results especially.

This article: “Ask Dr. NerdLove: I’m A Shy Virgin. Does This Make Me Creepy?” I can relate to for just about five years I worked with young women with various personalities at The Show. Unfortunately I do think I have been targeted by them. A lot of them it could be surmised expected to have men by the finger tips, however, the men they couldn’t figure out really there was friction. And yes I would say I wasn’t quite a man they could figure out and often there was friction.

What I could gather from this article is from not only Dr. Nerdlove’s response, but from the little information offered by the letter writer Justtheguyinthecorner I feel as if I was in the same situation. For me the only reason the virgin thing came up was not because of what others had suspected because my mistake was putting it out there. Once it was out there and fodder for gossip then here comes the shaming.

It was one of many things people thought was wrong with me. However with this said, I do think people were looking for dirt they didn’t come looking for anything positive, especially the young women I worked with. If it wasn’t so and so never had sex ultimately it would’ve been something else in the long run. If people were looking for reasons to complain or just plain start something they would.

So Justtheguy seemed to believe the women of his job was out to get him. No examples were provided by him, but what I could agree with in Nerdlove’s response is perhaps Justtheguy could’ve done a better job relating to the women coworkers he tried to treat professionally and yet tries to avoid them at work. He does seem to use his inexperience as a crutch however how would his coworkers know?

All the same I would share the episode of “Petty” one extreme example of how I feel the young women would treat a guy who could basically be considered a loaner. More accurately yours truly definitely didn’t do well with the young women at the theater and admittedly a lot of this was a self-inflicted wound. My inexperience with women was part of the problem, however, I owe some of this friction with the youth and immaturity of those who were just starting off in the world as the theater was their first jobs.

I could dare say outside of the young men they associated with often at school – presuming they were in high school – how much experience to they have with men. Young men for their own immature reasons tolerated some of the difficult personalities that some of the young women I worked with exhibited. I would dare say some young men didn’t know that they didn’t have to deal with women who had “problematic” personalities. They did so to say they have a girlfriend or just to get satisfied.

The young women on the other hand I would suspect didn’t know how to be themselves. Perhaps they didn’t know every man wasn’t trying to flirt with them. Perhaps they didn’t know that they don’t always have to use their mouths just because they have one. Perhaps some of them being used to being “large and in charge” didn’t recognize every man isn’t looking for that. So many variables in this equation that I could consider and is probably why I never really tried to connect.

So as far as this friction, I wasn’t always approachable to even those young women I might have thought attractive so it’s safe to say I contributed. I do think a lot of this went back and forth, but I find myself wondering years later if there was a point to turn the situation around. Though in the case of Justtheguy who knows if he was successfully able to turn that situation around.

If I believe Nerdlove, perhaps for Justtheguy the issues he claimed to be experiencing is all in his head. With the little information I see, perhaps that’s true. It’s not always a good thing to treat your colleagues coldly. And on the other hand whether or not it gets out there isn’t as much of a problem unless you allow it to be. Who needs to know, why do they need to know, and of course why do they have a problem with it? If they do and it’s just dirt for them, who needs them?

Dream

accomplishment ceremony education graduation

I’ve been talking about promotions, making six-figures, and jobs I’m interested in perhaps yours truly has lost sight of what’s his dream. Since graduating from Mission College years ago, I’m still trying to figure out my dream. The opportunities to realize my dream will begin to dwindle.

I remember the year before I graduatedp my uncle stopped me near the end of yet another family reunion and he asked me point blank “What is taking you so long?” Of course this is the moment where he’s giving me some tough love although he made a few mistakes in doing so going after rather irrelevant observations. He was ready to dismiss what I’m currently trying to do at that point because in his words “you’re losing”.

It was taking me a minute to finish college and I will admit my share of mistakes during that time and even lost focus a few times but I was regaining focus to move on. His toughness, when I think about it now didn’t really add anything. After his pledge to “stay on my @$$” I never really heard from him again  – even after getting my direct cell phone number – aside from an e-mail of congrats stating “You’re going to need us pretty soon”. Suggesting I need the family’s charity which I never asked for to be honest.

Aside from that the reason I chose my major at Mission was because I had a dream career in mind. The problem is that well I had no real idea how to achieve it. I never really approached my professors about potential opportunities which was a huge mistake now. I never really approached the career counselors at least for liberal arts majors. I tried to do just about everything on my own, and had a hard time because where does one start when they do it on their own. For me, it was truly a daunting task however the reason I was at Mission College was for the prestige nothing should be daunting for a future “Mission Man”.

Regardless what’s my dream right now? Well when I finally graduated I was depressed by one thing, I had very little work history meaning not much experience with flipping burgers or frying chicken (and I had no desire to). Yeah I got a few shifts in at different periods working at college bookstores or even took part in a research project as part of my major at Mission. Otherwise all I knew to do was just stuff you expect college students do to studying for tests, do research papers, etc.

Once it was time to get out there and find a job all I had was a very prestigious and expensive piece of paper a liberal arts degree. And that piece of paper I had to learn carried no guarantees of gainful employment. I had to prove myself before getting the job and had nothing to present. I was woefully unprepared…

I may have expressed frustration over my time at The Show it was OK that worked there for close to five years. It’s also OK that I have my current job at Fresh Foods, perhaps both are “beneath me” at the same time I’ve finally learned something valuable. One lead to the other and hopefully will allow me to eventually find my dream job. All I can to is continue learning as I go, but I need not wing it as I had college.

Since starting my working life one goal that I had was to for lack of a better term “run something”. I wanted to be a manager at The Show, however, it never happened for me and I suspect I made a few key mistakes with them there. Perhaps nothing I did would allow it to happen for me during that period. I’m glad that based upon how I would’ve gotten compensated and the mgmt team up there that it never happened. I still have a what if in my mind about being a theater manager, but for me to do that it was time to seek out other opportunities. I just wasn’t going to adequately grow there.

Perhaps I can truly grow at a grocery store. Move up in the ranks (I did interview to become an associate buyer earlier this year) and perhaps even go corporate since I do have a college degree :P. However who says I got to make my career in either movie theaters/entertainment or grocery/retail?

Perhaps eventually my long term dream job is to work for myself. Scariest part with this is, how does yours truly finally achieve that dream? What ways can I truly make an impact in the world as a Mission alum is expected to make one? All I have to do is make a move no matter where I am now.

 

Billy Joel – My Life

Since I’ve mentioned the one time I was a bank teller, it should be noted that this song was seemingly heard often on the radio during my shifts at the branch. I got very tired of it as time went on, and it grated on me once events ran their course there. It’s a shame too because it’s really a great song, although a tad ahead of my time.

This is one of many great songs by one Billy Joel…. It could become the anthem of this blog. 🙂

June

I’m struggling to really come up with something to write about lately. Basically what I’m trying to avoid talking about are some of the negative situations I’ve been in (especially the person I’ve been writing a lot about lately). In a period of change & growth I feel as if it’s really a retread and without that person in my head I can really accomplish some things without him throwing doubt around or just attempting to leach off of it.

So, I’m trying to get that blog back in an optimistic direction. That has always been my plan when I started this blog, however, there are occasions where this blog had gone into a very negative direction. I want to take my life into a far more positive direction than I felt it was once I finally graduated from college years ago.

Either way, I’m trying to avoid telling variations of the same story that I’ve told recently. I could space them out, however, these need not be important stories now. However, if there are old stories to tell I want to tell different stories. That’s my goal as of now!

Raises

abundance achievement bank banknotes

I know I’ve covered this ground recently. I often stated about my time at The Show that my dream was to make over $20k per year. At the theater I only made between $10k – $12K per year. I also got no raises at the theater other than say one minimum wage increase. Needless to say as far as my income growing it just wasn’t going to happen there. If nothing else working there was really just the boost of regular income.

To make a few more dollars I’d have to change jobs which is why I went to Gotham Bank. Unfortunately that was shortlived, however, if it had worked out I learned that I wouldn’t have made that much more than I would’ve made at the show. How did yours truly know? Well it said as much on Gotham’s version of a social network. Of course this assumed that I still worked a limited amount of hours which I had to start and remained at the same hourly wage although the wages were at least $1.25 $3.25/hr more than what I had made at the theater.

Then I arrived at The Hole and while I took a 50 cent per hour paycut to take the job there, my hours were generally pretty good and then I became full-time. After that I could literally do overtime and couple that with the holiday pay of time & a half my time these were for yours truly the big money period. I never before saw the amount of money I saw on my paychecks! And couple that with the hourly wages I was getting, it felt great having that extra money in my pocket and the opportunities to make more to boot.

This is why I get excited over raises, as yours truly never received any for performance at The Show. I need not retell the lack of opportunity for growth at the theater and the fact that I never became a manager. Needless to say for more income and opportunities it was time to leave and see what else I could do in the work world. It was truly refreshing to know that I was worth becoming a full-time worker and to know that I could get a raise for my efforts.

About 6 or so months after arriving at Fresh Foods I got my first raise and told my mother (I also told one other person who would continue to leach off my gains). I got another raise six months later and then another a year after that with an opportunity to learn something new. Although that in the long run didn’t go so well due to some unforeseen changes, but regardless before the wheels fell off these were better than say the last two years at The Show.

Well it’s been an interesting period of time at my latest Fresh Foods assignment and it feels great to get yet another raise. It feels great to be so close to that optimal real living wage of $17/hr. I’m pretty sure after a couple of more raises or even a promotion I’ll not only get to that point I’ll have finally arrived in the $30K/per year range. If I’m lucky it won’t be long before I arrive at $40k/yr in wages.

I know that I did a personal finance post fairly recently. Talking about depositing tax refund checks or putting into my savings any loose change I collected over the years. Oh yeah and I almost forgot about my one share in the holding company. So I’m glad to be able to continue gaining and achieving some of my financial goals.

My hope is that it will continue and I recognize that now I can truly count my blessings!

Don Jon

Don Jon

Don Jon

This isn’t a huge secret, even though I worked at a theater I still chose to go elsewhere and pay to watch a movie. It was something that a certain character found a reason to chide me for, however, I chose going to other theaters as opposed to supporting the one I worked for. At one point in time this is what I chose to do and based upon my own treatment at a job as time went on.

With this said, one year one of the movies I saw on my off day away from The Show was Don Jon which was the directorial debut of it’s star in the title role Joseph Gordon-Leavitt. It featured a young man who goes to confession, goes to the club with his boys, and loves women. However an important feature of this movie is that he likes to watch porn.

During the course of this picture Jon engages in sexual relations with three women. The first two – one of whom becomes his girlfriend – he ducks out of bed to watch porn as he’s still unsatisfied after having sex with them. One girl was a one-night stand so, probably understandable, the other his girlfriend well now we see the start of trouble in paradise.

The girlfriend named Barbara has a very defined idea of what a man is to her. She’s willing to try to turn Jon into that man. For example she encourages him to leave his service job and attend classes at a local college where ironically he meets the next woman Esther whom he becomes intimate with later and ultimately is the next girlfriend. The porn she caught him watching and ultimately decides to leave him over once he lies to her about it became a sticking point.

Bottom line is that Barbara as his girlfriend doesn’t fulfill him the way the milf he meets at the college eventually does. Barbara doesn’t even like the fact that he’s happy cleaning his own pad deeming it as not sexy. Jon acquiesces to this, but essentially she’s turning him into something he probably wouldn’t recognize. He eventually realizes that his view of sex and relationships with women in addition to Barbara’s re-engineering is only proving to be one-sided.

Barbara is the type who believes a man should give up everything for his woman. She doesn’t have to give much in return. Perhaps that’s why I’m hesitant to involve myself with women who will be the one who’ll give as much as I would want to give. Perhaps I myself am self-centered when it comes to relationships. In my inexperience, I don’t know what I’d have to give up to be in a relationship (and yes I know one thing I could say goodbye to my own freedom which I’ve only begun to appreciate now).

With this said, Esther is a milf who finally satisfies Jon who finds that he doesn’t need porn for gratification. He had to learn from Esther that satisfaction has to be mutual it can’t be one sided. Crudely put a man can’t just give a woman the “D” and not put in much work. On the other hand a woman can’t just lay there and take it and think that’s all there is. Both the man and the woman have to satisfy each other.

It’s funny that even as a virgin, I can see the point of this. It was apparent to Jon’s sister what Barbara was trying to do it brings the point home of the ways Jon was unfulfilled. And it’s interesting that it took an older woman who suffered her own tragedies to realize the folly of his relationships with women.

Perhaps, the day I find that woman who satisfies me in more ways than one – not just sexually of course – is the day I think I found someone worth while. Too bad to find this fabled women only could get very difficult as time beats on.

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