Dojo

So back when we were a bit distant from each other the man I now refer to as the Fiend kept coming around basically trying to connect. So one night at work he pulled me aside and invited me to come to his martial arts school or dojo. I likely asked how much and all he would say is “we’ll talk about it”.

Ultimately I never took him up on his offer. Often my excuse was could I afford this or is this something I wanted to do. However during that period of time 2011 into early 2012 I just wasn’t sure of him. As stated often here, the red flags were flying as he kept coming around and some elements of his Fiend personality came out especially the disappointed father. He wanted to get all in your head and your life and I felt as if he crossed so many lines. Sadly I allowed a lot of this just couldn’t believe that he would get so into whatever he wanted to get into. Also he positioned himself as a valuable if not volatile ally.

Either way perhaps the money thing and my distrust of him worked in tandem. However, I think the distrust thing sort of subsided as time went on even if there were still reasons to distrust him which was also true back when we were friends. Even when we were “friends” some of his actions weren’t exactly friendly.

Of course agree or disagree with me but I’ve written quite a few of those stories here.

Anyway back over 10 years ago he was trying very hard to connect and he wanted me to know that he’s very heavy into martial arts. What I do remember is according to his claim that martial arts were all he knew. Everything revolved around martial arts, he even knew what moves an actor uses in a movie fight scene. He also told me that he owned a martial arts school and also remember I wrote a story about his attempt to get some money from me for his school. I didn’t deny him sadly, but then I also didn’t work that hard to accommodate him.

Anyway, in the time after he tried to beg money from yours truly after starting at The Show, this is probably when I should have recognized how lucrative his martial arts school wasn’t. Who knows this small cash infusion was really for himself and not this school. Still you can see how uninterested in going to his school I was.

Another consideration is that being somewhat familiar with that neighborhood. In fact his school wasn’t too far away from where I worked at Gotham Bank. That neighborhood was very sketchy and I didn’t enjoy having to close down that bank at night nor having to be there early in the morning before the branch was open for employees for the day. And I hardly wanted to come there to study martial arts especially at night.

I did come there twice as Anthony wanted me to help him with some project he saw through by that summer. He was organizing an event at the same neighborhood cinema where we both tried to get mgmt jobs. He wanted me to meet his “business partner” at the dojo and on the day I did meet him just jot down notes. In reality I feel as if there was no real need for me to be there.

Actually on the day we were supposed to go to his school to meet with his business partner we just were hanging around downtown Chicago doing absolutely nothing but killing time. I finally got tired and asked him when were we going to the school. From what I recall he never said when we were going he just said we were going to meet at his dojo but he wanted to make some stops downtown.

We were just going from store to store and ate lunch somewhere. He made phone calls following up on job leads. Even went to some museum run cinema downtown to jawjack, with him about to leave at one point then stopping before we left so that he went back into the cinema to do more jawjacking. Eventually we went back to the south side and waited a few hours before we just called it a day. We met with his business partner on a Saturday. He also said he’d compensate me for my time although as you know it seems he has a knack for insuring that I pay him for his.

To that last statement i.e. he didn’t compensate me.

The last time the subject of me becoming a student at his dojo came up during the episode of The next to last drop…. The subject of me studying a martial art came up and he made sure to mention he was trying to get me to come to his school. Then out of nowhere I said, “I didn’t want to come to your school”.

At that point he just stops talking, stops walking, stares at me and then continues his conversation. He noted one place I could go to which sounded like it was connected with a church. He never connected me with them though which is another pattern he had begun to establish and perhaps I didn’t have any great interest anyway.

Also if you want to know the place where Anthony’s dojo was located is now a vacant lot. I was shocked to see that on one day driving around that the building where his school was located had been demolished. If that school survives, I do not know where it’s currently located. I can’t even say for sure that the Fiend is still even associated with that school, if he ever really was as a business partner.

As you can see a lot of the things the Fiend had claimed when we were still talking I began to view with a grain of salt now. Some of this could be lies, hot air, or even delusions though that’s not to say there’s things said that weren’t at all truthful.

November 2017

This month I had two interviews after the Climax of the Reign of Error. Both were with the national theater chain and especially the cinema that’s referred to as the Dine-in Show I formerly worked for the previous year 2016. Neither one panned out as far as a job.

One hiring manager for the Dine-In Show seemed a bit funny speaking with a former coworker there who in spite of my statements noticed that the hiring manager jotted down in his noted my “limited availability”. To be honest that wasn’t a good interview and neither was the other one I had with a cinema that was closest to the Hole. The manager there was a difficult read though as always I kept up my optimism.

Remember what I have been talking about for most of 2021. Earlier in ’17 I had to hear a relatively insistent barrage of Anthony telling me that “if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money”. One time I snapped at him because even after talking learning buying he still found a way to inject that quote in the convo. Of course there were two other instances where he found a way to bring this up, the last time was during the time where he wanted to borrow some money asking out of nowhere “are you thinking about JUMPING SHIP YET?”

To be fair I’m not sure where this was coming from. And I’m sure that his campaign which started long before Fresh Foods and even Finer’s started making some changes had to have been out of not really being able to let go of what happened about three years earlier when he tried to get me on at his store. It was very strange to have to explain myself again and I had difficulty explaining myself to him years earlier because he was more determined to $h!t on me for not doing everything possible to get an interview let alone get a job. Really oblivious to the fact that it’s hard to worry a hiring if they’ve just immediately showed you how much of a priority you were.

Anyway, after leaving the Hole I had applied to a few outposts for Finer’s and even a few subsidiaries. Just like a few years earlier when I did actually interview with Finer’s at a hiring office on the north side of town it seemed like there were some extra steps to even get an interview. They wanted me to call some number in order to schedule an interview. Well allow me to be irresponsible here, but I’m so glad I saved my money and even the last bit of compensation from Fresh to have no sense of urgency to have to work at Finer’s.

Another thing to consider is that unlike the streak era where Anthony wanted to be all over me finding a job away from The Show – even going so far to try to offer advice that wasn’t very conducive to me finding a job elsewhere – that I didn’t want to involve him. That’s why I had a communications blackout with him in the first place because I really didn’t want to tell him about the climax. I didn’t want him to know about the drama and how it consumed me and hear his own negative opinions about it.

Besides now I wanted to find something else and while at that point it wasn’t about making it to the next level I also knew his job leads likely won’t be that great. They weren’t great in the first place and in thinking about the references episode I got the feeling he would find a way to hold me back.

Another consideration with the Finer’s deal was the difficulty in getting hired back in 2014. Anthony’s insistence on me going to his store and the difficulty with that and his own response to what happened. It was enough for me to back away although later on he still tried to get me back to that. It was strange and odd and perhaps just his way of going back to the past because he never fully was able to let it go.

I feel as if from the summer of ’17 through the holidays after the climax just set the tone for the blackout and ultimately me cutting ties to the man I know refer to as the Fiend. My situationship with him hardly was of any major benefit to me. It might have helped get me an interview to be a cinema mgr or even his insistence might have helped me stay focused on leaving The Show. At the same time it was a lot of negativity and retreads and even some bad leads and worse still we just were never going to be on the same page.

He always had his own ideas which he thought was a better idea as evidenced by his earlier comment before that campaign that “I think you’ll like Finer’s better!” I rejected that immediately only for him to throw in the money deal. Which I can’t tell you for certain if he was right.

Could it be the union? I’ve heard the union for Finer’s isn’t that great. I always though make more money means negotiating and Anthony had sold himself as a great negotiator and found out that his pay wasn’t that much better than mine. I mean just about $100 or $200 more than mine which causes me to think is he getting any benefits because I know he doesn’t care about benefits. And it causes me to wonder if he was lying about going to Finer’s for benefits for his own son – which he borrowed money that summer for.

I suppose for me while I was still at Fresh Foods I didn’t have a concept of how much “more” money Finer’s could offer to pay me. In reality I wasn’t interested but who knows they would have to offer some game changing money that for whatever reason Ant wasn’t getting when he was working for them.

At least for me before the climax the bet I was making was that a new position in buying would get me closer to that game changing money. We also saw how that worked out although I was working towards that Ant turned around and started talking about jumping ship. Like I said we were on entirely two different pages and we just were never going to be even remotely on the same planet.

Anyway to round this up I was looking at cinemas, retail, temp agencies or even transportation. I was looking at railroads especially, wouldn’t mind being a conductor or engineer and I do like to travel. Of course I know about the scheduling it probably could be a struggle.

Imagine being called up at any time to go to work. Sometimes it might be daytime or sometimes it might be nighttime. And transportation runs 24/7 although now is probably a good time to get into that industry as I know truck drivers are in demand. Who knows the air, rail and shipping industries are looking for people too. Hopefully that will involve game changing money as well.

Meanwhile as far as November 2017 goes I just had to stay optimistic….

Outcomes

The basic outline of what lead to the Climax of the Reign of Error was as a result of a delayed train going to work on a Saturday in 2017. The train just sat for a few minutes at a stop on the way to work and as a result I was twenty mins late on that morning and it was a very early morning too. First order of business I went to get a delay slip from a ticket agent at a stop closest to the Hole.

I later gave that slip to Gary an assistant mgr who said he’ll give it to Ruthless Roger and get that last tardy excused. As you know we saw how that turned out. He snuck up on me and spoke in his nerdy baritone and sent me to the store mgmt offices where Morley found every way he could to justify why I was getting dismissed from the company. In my mind it was unfair, but I had to accept because they weren’t changing their minds that this was a legit call.

Their primary justification was that corporate hadn’t said anything about any delays and no one else was affected by it. They claimed they waited a couple or so days before they made that decision, could be bull$h!t but who knows. So for them and probably Rog who walked right back out of the office without a word I just don’t know how they arrived at this awful call. One can only assume that he just wanted me gone for reasons only he really knew.

Another justification was according to the fact that I was already on an attendance probation. And it was justified that these delays were covered by the point system and thus if you have enough points, if they don’t want to accept a delay slip from public transit then you go bye-bye.

I was given differing explanations for the attendance probation. Morley in that instance said for approximately six months if I’m not tardy again and all my points clear off then I’m officially off the probation. However, yet another store mgr who had actually left about a month prior had told me when I got served with that during the summer that I couldn’t be late at all for the next six months. So they didn’t entirely understand this either, no clarity

So either way I was out of the picture and anyone involved with this right or wrong were just viewed as @$$holes!

Let’s fast forward about four years later. This past summer I was late in almost a similar fashion, except I was just about an hour late due to yet another delay. In ’17 I learned through social media that there was a sick passenger no announcement was made on the train by our motorman beyond our train was going express which helped make up some time.

On the other hand all I knew in ’21 was there was a track condition near the next stop as announced by our motorman. At that point I was on the outskirts of downtown Chicago. As we continued waiting I decided it was time to just do something else so I went to a very friendly and helpful ticket agent in the station house for a delay slip and decided to walk to the nearest elevated train line.

The difference between ’17 & ’21 was the personalities and the lessons learned. When I got to work I made sure this time to go to my store mgr told him the situation. Of course he told me he had to see if anyone else was affected by it, which I realize by experience. He said he was going to get back to me by the end of the day which he hadn’t and I didn’t follow-up right away until…

One of the assistant mgrs was about to write me up for it. I told her the situation and at least this time I was carrying my delay slip in my wallet as my store mgr had taken a copy of it. He was going to kick it up the chain of command and I still got the original slip. She threw the write up away as taking away that last tardy brought me back down to where a write-up wasn’t necessary.

And it had to be reiterated again when my boss was about to serve me again for that tardy. I told him the situation and the store mgr was in mgmt offices so we asked him. Store mgr said I was good and thus still wasn’t held accountable for that tardy. For the record I still have that slip at home

A few lessons learned in both of those instances is just follow-up and if necessary escalate. Perhaps I could’ve done much better in the more recent example, though I did hold it as something of a wild-card successfully. However, I could’ve been a tad more forceful.

This second stint I’ve been much better about my timeliness yeah I’ve been late though I do work with people who are much better with being on time. They don’t even like to do grace periods, where I was told I likely won’t get marked down for grace periods however the company doesn’t want that abused either.

Regardless as a worker or even a job seeker there were situations where there were managers who were just sticklers for time. They don’t like for anyone to be even one second late and will hold it against you forever. In those cases, I was somewhat glad to get away from those types because it was going to be a problem no matter what.

In the case of ’17 I was up against a boss who may not have been a strict stickler for time just a stickler for the rule book and was very willing to follow it to the letter. Today I can just laugh at that because we now see how that worked out for him…

Also to be stated in ’17 I was on the brink fell right over the edge. In ’21 there was no brink to fall over just wanted to avoid getting marked for a tardy which really wasn’t my fault.

What could’ve been?

I’m having trouble as far as trying to come up with a follow-up post to the shoot from earlier this month. Then I realized let me expose an “easter egg” for you. I showed a few scenes of grocery stores on my instagram page within the past two months and one of those scenes are actually of a store that I had interview with in 2014 during the streak era.

The store in question I had an interview with during the Streak Era was with a company I call Finer Foods which does represent a real life company owned by a major corporation and it was located not too far away from downtown. It was a bit closer to home than the store the Fiend wanted me to come work for and they were looking to hire people as it was a new store that had yet to open.

To give you a basic timeline. In January or perhaps earlier in February 2014, Anthony had sent me a text asking if I wanted to work for Finer’s. I reply, Yes. He said I should be hearing from someone and I do, however, around the same time Finer’s corporate offices came calling. This was one that the ball was dropped I will admit because the acceptable option back then for yours truly was a shorter commute which meant the location closer to downtown.

As with other interviews during that period of time I had to take some steps before receiving a job offer unfortunately there is hardly any guarantee. That period is called the streak era because I went through a number of interviews until October 2014 and failed consistently to get a job offer. So this interview was the seventh of about fifteen interviews and the count would be zero and seven.

I had to go through a phone screen successfully and then had to do an in person interview. I had to change trains and then walk a bit to get to a hiring center which either used to be a daycare center or a hair salon. The people doing the interviewing were wearing uniforms consistent with Finer’s which was in those days a white shirt, black pants with a black necktie.

I hardly talk about interviews however it wasn’t long before this interview that I learned it was a bust. I just couldn’t read the interviewer and while I kept up my optimism it wasn’t going the way I hoped it would. Perhaps I tried to hard to show that hiring me was a good choice and hopefully move up the chain if you will. The interviewer wasn’t showing enough enthusiasm and had no reason to believe she was going to offer me a position.

So I didn’t leave in great spirits although I did “hope” for a phone call. Worse still she suggested not the store I was originally told by someone in the corporate offices over the phone, she mentioned yet another store on the north side of town which seemed like a much better commute than going to the northwest side of Chicago.

Another thing that threw me off about this interview, I forget what questions I asked – and it probably wasn’t very good anyway – but her answer was to tell me that she never worked or doesn’t work for a store. She probably was an HR person as I can only imagine those are the only ones whom a company would trust to make hiring decisions. One question she asked me threw me off and wasn’t sure how to answer “What frustrates you?” To answer that in the context of a job without talking about all of your life’s frustrations is not exactly a very easy task. I don’t remember my answer all I can say is that one can only do the best they can with that question.

It’s almost like being asked about your tardiness or just general attendance. I feel like once that’s on a manager’s radar and while it’s an easy fix you can’t win with that question.

Anyway at some point after that I reached out to Anthony regarding his contact the one who had called me. I only ask if she was at work on that day, he only answers NO. Though I made the assumption that he washed his hands of it and decided that one word answer was as sign that I was being blown off. Just decided it was OK for me to pursue those opportunities I really want.

Of course as time went on into the next month I get bombarded by single-minded texts and missed phone calls by Anthony with primarily one question, “What’s going on with Finer Foods?” As things just slow to a crawl again with no potential prospects coming along I break down and give Anthony a call thinking he has some connections I can use to leave The Show. He characterizes me blowing off his store for a soon to open store for his company as “putting all your eggs in one basket”. Meanwhile as you might have figure he later tries to have me put all my “eggs into his basket” and pursue the opportunity he had set up for me. Well consider that a move that didn’t work the way he nor yours truly wanted it to.

Last month for the first time I ever I paid a visit to that store. Nothing remarkable about it I figured quickly it had the same layout as the previous tenants. Unlike Fresh Foods in the same situation Finer’s didn’t take a significant time to design & build out their spaces. I came looking for some typical items to purchase. And it was an interesting visit, one can only wonder what would’ve been had it worked out back then.

I heard so many negative things about Finer’s as a company that I find myself wondering if working there would’ve worked out for me in the long run. At this point who knows, I feel as if it took a few months after this at least into 2015 to find a move that in the long run worked out best for me.

And if you haven’t done so already follow me on instagram

Election Night 2016: time suckers SHOOT

Feels like the right time to revisit this episode from over five years ago. I can connect this with the last convo I ever really had with The Fiend and it turned into such an ordeal in my humble opinion. I think in both cases we just needed someone to talk to and for me in my last convo with him he wasn’t just not as willing to talk or listen as I feel as if I was on Election Day.

I may have been looking for reassurance because what led to the last convo I considered a bit triggering. It wasn’t so much that he just couldn’t empathize in that moment it was that he was in no mood to really listen to my thoughts on it. It’s one thing if it wasn’t something he really wanted to touch, however, in the months leading up to it he was mentioning a subject that was more or less a no-no for me. And at that for me to take on that subject I thought was a no-no for him however as stated in yet another post this was yet another way to further his own negativity.

Now as far as election night 2016 I don’t know what he was looking for other than to rant even as he was patrolling a grocery store parking lot on the graveyard shift. As far as I remember we never really talked about that election that year. It was a most unusual election and the results was for many unexpected. Perhaps he took an outcome for granted and it freaked him out very easily.

I think he really exposed his own hell, fire, and brimstone alarmism on a night where I was just ready to call it a night. I didn’t have the same type of alarm that he did as far as who was winning. When I think about it, just wasn’t sure where that election was going just knew that neither candidate for President appealed to me though it appears Anthony had picked a horse and wasn’t happy.

He chose me to call and repeatedly referred to the man who became President-elect a racist, rapist and declared there was going to be a race war. He also declared that he was going to move to Canada and this country is screwed. I was not in the mood for a real political discussion and definitely didn’t want to engage with someone who was very upset and unglued. While trying to have a balanced approach I told him the other candidate wasn’t all that he just stated that “we’d be screwed even less under her”. This was when I asked if we could change the subject and he agreed.

Of course we talked about a range of subjects in that moment but here’s where the convo just went into a strange direction. He asked if I saw the latest Marvel Comics picture Dr. Strange. When I answered in the affirmative then he asked “who did I go with?” When I answered no one he launched into a strange lecture about how I needed to start dating or all the women will start laughing at me – oh right that’s encouragement.

He noted that I was a loner “which is just fine with you” but I “make good money so you really don’t have an excuse”. He made a pitch for me to again use PoF.com. I just said OK as if to say this convo isn’t going any further and he had to keep it going “I know what that means. Give me one reason why you can’t do it.” I didn’t give him a reason just my typical way of dealing with something like this is to say hardly anything as if to say I’ll consider it.

To give some background he knows I like to go to the movies but as a “mentor” it was important for me to take someone to the movies. That was his priority, why I have no clue as stated many times on this blog he’s a disappointed father that’s his schtick. I just think in his mind he feels like what suits him is for me to have some female companionship. On the other hand while he claims to get a lot of action with the ladies to one time graphically telling me one sexual encounter with a grandmother during that period I just see a man who’s just single and chasing pu$$y not really companionship.

Aside from the fact that since I cut ties now he later became engaged. YaY him as long as he’s serious which I suspect he probably isn’t but that’s not my business anymore.

Anyway as for PoF.com he’s mentioned that site to me before. When we were still working at The Show we were regularly taking the train back to the south side from work and he would start mentioning that site frequently. His main selling point was to predict that “you could get laid by next week“. As far as how his campaign went I just wasn’t interested. I checked out the site and saw nothing I really wanted to connect with out there.

I usually just demurred and stated that I didn’t see the point and I liked connecting with women who went to school at Hillman College. Well not specifically Hillman I was more referring to connecting with women on Facebook before they had their own dating services. He was not deterred it was his mission to get me to connect with a woman as me being a man without a woman was just an issue for him.

He would at that point probably 2012-13 just would follow up with me. Did you finish your profile? Did you upload a profile pic? I usually just said no and probably cited finances as far as why I just didn’t have much interest. For those of you who have kids, you put on the pressure then you find out how uninterested the kids are in your ideas here’s a good example.

Anyway until election night 2016 he brought up PoF.com again and as it turned out for the last time. The difference between 2016 and just about four years earlier was that this time he dropped the sales tag of you could be laid by next week to just get a date and get you some female companionship before you turn 40.

However, as far as me not having much success with women he couldn’t help but continue to take his shots. Even kept mentioning the name of one young lady he insisted I take to a comedy show at a downtown theater which fell apart because I just wasn’t into it. He wanted to keep blaming me for what happened with that until I saw the confused look on his face with no further answer beyond “you blew it with her.” The look on his face was basically I’m no longer buying that answer and he knew it. He ultimately left it alone.

Anyway let’s turn this 180 degrees and discuss how he ranted about some women near the end of our convo. First I had to listen to him rant about the elections now I had to hear a rant about how he was talking to a woman over time and some other woman he knew decided to interfere with the motive that “she was lonely and she didn’t want her girlfriend to have anyone“. My advice which I hope was sensible – and could probably be easily ignored by Anthony – was he should just leave them alone which he easily agreed stating that he already has. There I go being a friend to someone who really was no friend of mine.

Anyway what a strange up and down conversation. Frustrating, tiring and a bit long lasting two hours, I didn’t go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. I missed some of the results but that’s OK did some catching up as I wanted to follow this one.

To give you a break down this happened about a month after the episode of The Next to Last Drop. I do hope you follow the original Election Day post.

Also it was election day somewhere in the country on Tuesday, hopefully you did your civic duty.

Breach!

I still talk with a friend of mine from The Show I call him Keith and told him about a letter I got from the company. There was a data breach and it involved the information of present and past employees. I’m pretty sure there are a lot of people who got such a letter in their mailbox.

I even messaged Keith that part of me hoped it was a check – a check for what who knows perhaps stolen wages. I never thought I’d get anything from the place I formerly call $h!tplace. The last communication I ever had from that place was in November 2014 which they gave emails about codes to certain doors around the cinema and an employee meal from the bar and lounge. Another coworker even joked they want me back and all I could say is that they could’ve kept me and it’s too late!

The company that owns The Show has been referred by many employees as cheap. They don’t like to spend money on anything, including raises for their associates. So it was a bit funny when they offered a free year for identity protection services. Told this to Keith because you know at least they’re paying for something he laughed.

Either way I have one more piece of business with The Show to deal with although not really serious business just take advantage of this offer and go from there. This isn’t the only time I’ve had to deal with something like this.

I shopped at Target and they were victims of a data breach. I again took advantage of a deal on identity protection services. Called an 800 number and talked with a nice man who had a southern accent. We talked about football and admitted that the Bears have disappointed me once too often for me to care. And my bank sent me another debit card because of it.

Well anyway just thought I share this with you. Another filler post to share with you all until about the end of the month. Hard to believe we’re right in the middle of fall at this point.

Soon it’ll be time to get ready to fall back with our clocks….

Back to the modern day for the moment

As I write this my mother is at home after an almost week stay in the hospital. She had an episode right in front of me where she “passed out”. As far as I’m concerned she was still conscious, however, as she tried to get into her car for her regular appointment I noticed that her head wasn’t steady and then she fell. Had a gash on her head for her trouble which was stapled by the E.R. and spend one night in the hospital.

Fast forward to when she returned to the E.R. to get the staples out and a few days after that she gets a call from the hospital. They gave her a heart monitor due to her episodes with “passing out”. They found something that likely occurred while she was asleep and told her to come to the E.R. as soon as possible and that turned into seven days. Seven days I was home alone taking the car to work as I had been for a while a lot of my schedule lately were early mornings. Most of the days she had been away I was working and my next off day was when I could take her home from the hospital.

Aside from talking about work or even my “situationship” what have I often discussed – financial independence. This episode causes me to further work to get my affairs in order and who knows when the inevitable will happen. I want her to see me get my affairs in order before she goes. Sadly dad isn’t here to see how my life turned out and while my mother was in the hospital she noted his recent birthday.

This is one reason why I have been saving the money I have been. I was asking questions about paying property taxes here in Chicago they’re due twice a year and the county won’t allow you to pay in advance. In fact my mother was upset that she just let the deadline to pay the property taxes slip by and I was able to share a link to paying those bills online so she got them done. At least the house is paid for and my mother isn’t prone to putting a home equity loan just to have some extra cash thankfully.

Right now the house isn’t so lonely, however, I need to stop being so hesitant or cautious as far as moving forward with my life. I think I’ve stuck around at home long enough. I can still help her when I can and she does have another son who lives with his own family halfway across America who has the “perfect life”.

I’m just sorry that these ongoing health issues and even the loss of her job at a neighborhood bank earlier that year had somewhat derailed the plans that I started to lay once I left The Show. It’s not her fault it’s just the situation and of course I’ve ran into some other setbacks as well in addition to the more pressing setbacks.

Perhaps I’m coming off as selfish but I recognize how I hadn’t really progressed the way I would’ve liked to. Perhaps I should’ve been in my own place or certainly have been able to secure a much better job by now. The issue now is to just get started.

Also I dreamed about my dad one night. Probably as a result of a convo I had with my mother the night before. Over the summer an uncle – one of my dad’s brothers – had passed away. I saw an unrecognizable name amongst the brothers and sisters and she talked about how dad actually talked to this then unknown to me half-brother and also got a cousin from his mother’s side of his family tree to come to our home to visit. One good thing about dad was that he was willing to talk with his mother’s side of the family.

In any case the dream was that my dad was driving mom’s current car. Part of me wanted to ask him how was it driving the car. One weird thing about my dad is that he really didn’t want my mom to own a car, he wanted to be the only one with a vehicle. Anyway to even think of asking a question is just recognizing that he had been away for a while. I seem to have a tendency to dream about him as if the events of over 20 years ago never happened.

Another strange thing about these dreams is that with him around I’m still at home. On the ride with my dad I was sitting in the back seat with mom riding shotgun. I have been convinced that if he was still around more than likely I wouldn’t still be at home. Perhaps I’d be in the military as it’s very likely he’d have been an influence in that decision.

Regardless I was in teenager mode in the dream which was certainly the last time he had seen me when he was living. Sometimes I like having those types of dreams.

Climax revisited

Another critical thing that happened this month during the past decade was my dismissal from the Hole. I call that day now and forever the climax of the reign of error. I wrote briefly about one of the after effects of that period which is yet another mgmt change at my former store in my former dept.

I don’t really want to rehash what happened back then although I do have a story to share about that moment. I relate it to what happened during the past few months and note the similarities and differences. However that will be another time.

I have to say that it’s something that I have to take responsibility for as stated here on occasion. I had the wrong boss to play around with and perhaps I was in a situation that perhaps allowed some complacency. It was something that I had taken for granted, however, once a new boss was installed all bets were soon off. It’s like he honed in on something he didn’t like and he pounced immediately. What makes this story laughable was that the situation didn’t work out for him either.

Regardless if anyone wants to think about one cosmic reason for what happened. Why did I “point out”? Why did I have to be late that one last time? Why didn’t mgmt at the Hole from Rog to Morley accept that delay slip from the transit authority? Those are questions that may never be answered. And again this is something I want to cover at a later time.

Long story short, aside from those unanswered questions the “cosmic” reason for this very disappointing result is what I have been talking about since 2018. I’ve already discussed yet another after effect of this era which was my situationship with the Fiend had changed. And I’ve also written what I consider now the strains within what I would now refer to as a very odd friendship.

I feel as if possibly remaining at the Hole even in a somewhat diminished capacity would likely mean that perhaps I’d continue that situationship. More requests for money or even more negativity. Once I started on a new course during that summer he really ramped up his negativity. Even decided to engage in the diversion of trying to get me to leave for his preferred company and “make more money”.

However, if I suffered an unexpected reversal and had no “decent money” coming in why would I help him? Why would I accept a message to call an anonymous person who turned out to be not so anonymous because he merely changed his phone number? I realize a lot of his actions weren’t reasonable overtime and seemed to change with his moods or even his needs. Why did it take me so long to finally do something about it?

Of course I might emphasize there was a strong possibility that I’d have to listen to his negativity about the bull$h!t that happened at the Hole. Perhaps he’d start off positive but knowing his general patterns he’d probably find a way to question me as far as why this happened and how it happened. He’d be a disappointed father who’d determine that I’m unreliable and what happened showed why. Of course this is coming from someone who never had a real plan that hopefully would propel me forward other than chasing other jobs that would provide nothing more than another few cents on top of what I already make anyway.

Well to change the subject slightly with this pandemic and what happened at my current assignment I suffered another reversal. Perhaps it’s only served to put some things into perspective and perhaps to reinforce what I’ve determined since the “climax” which is that a job is nothing more than a means to an end. One can work to earn money however there are other ways, however, while you’re working why not maximize your potential while you’re at a company. If it’s not possible then move on!

What I hoped would work out at the Hole didn’t which I can attribute to my own complacency and the changes occurring in such a short period of time back then. Perhaps that’s a bad habit that I need to really take care of NOW. This was yet a hard lesson I need to take to heart.

The Hole

I found out last month that Larry was going into IT and was leaving the Hole thus his job was posted and unfortunately he was replaced by….Rayna. I haven’t maintained much contact with her since I’ve left the Hole, in fact when I’m in the store or in the neighborhood I’ve avoided her. Just felt that there was nothing there for me to even think we’d have a decent relationship.

She was the one who delivered the paperwork for the attendance probation along with an assistant store mgr. It was a weird affair when they tried to give me a “pep talk” I just tried to show hardly any reaction, the worst reaction was going to come a bit later at the climax. The assistant store mgr was more worried about me being upset at the time. What does he care unless he wanted a reaction?

Anyway I can’t believe I see her as the dept mgr for my old team at the Hole. She finally got what she wanted, as she was over there in 2017 to get the role and was deemed not ready. I wonder how much has changed since she transferred to the Hole and became another assistant mgr here. If she wasn’t ready four years ago how is she ready now?

Anyway I used to say it was more likely that I would return to the Hole. I don’t know about that now, perhaps it’s just time to move on from that fantasy. So many changes and so many people who I’ve worked with have finally moved on either to other companies within the store or within the company or whatever. Perhaps my plan to say it’s not that easy to get rid of me isn’t going to happen so easily.

Another fantasy I’ve had was to show up the people who were characters within the “Reign of Error” people like Morley or Roger or even since he’s still with the company as of now Mr. Boastful. If Rog ever thought of me any further beyond sending me to store leadership with the knowledge that on that day I was let go how upset would he be that I got his old job instead? And proved far more successful in that role than he was?

Would I ever be ready for that possibility? Is thinking that way a mistake?

Anyway as for Rayna who knows what the future might hold for her. She’s got what she wanted finally the question I might have to ask is whether or not she’ll be successful. Part of me thinks it will last six months and she’ll have to step down. I heard too many things about her past or what witnessed some issues to think that this will be a successful endeavor.

Meanwhile as a continuation of the most recent post, where do I go from here? Still working on it!

What’s new with the job?

The new receiver had recently started in our dept. In fact I had no idea he was going to start I come in and he’s at work already. He starts at 4 AM and usually gets off at 12 PM. He’s pretty fast, but to stop myself from nitpicking I keep my distance since my attempt to score the position left me feeling jilted.

He’s actually getting better at neatness, which I do believe is my strongsuit. Problem is if I make everything look in order then the next nitpick from mgmt would be speed. Because of the belated feedback my boss gave me with regards to the then open position I worked a lot faster when I took care of the product. Sadly too late for them to change their minds but eh…

Regardless as I can say about others we just work differently. It’s not a bad thing everything needs not be done my way, too bad others won’t see it that way. Also the new receiver is getting much better at what he’s doing. Bottom line is getting better is a long term process.

The last time I talked about this I don’t remember if I ever discussed his background. The man in question had worked on another team overnights. He’s probably used to putting things away while the store is closed and he certainly makes good money presumably. As I’m trying to do he is looking to expand his roles at Fresh Foods. I still have to say it sucks that I still couldn’t get close to consideration.

For the most part I keep my distance and focus on the floor. I also see that our new receiver will go on vacation and I’ll be doing it for those days he will be off. But if you don’t know I’m trying to figure out what’s next I feel as if I made the milestone I needed to make with this company or am close to it in spite of the hiatus from 2017-18.

Recently I’ve asked one of the supervisors in my dept how can I do additional training into buying. He just said go to store mgmt and let them know of my interest and go from there. It’s something that should be done on the clock as opposed to at home. I just want to make the efforts to learn the roles that I want.

It won’t just be given to me. I have to make some efforts.