Fatherhood

selective focus photography of child s hand

I wanted to return to a theme that was considered recently. We’re calling back to the issue from the episode Faith. And I have to mention an old Fiend again.

One of his parting statements during the last period that I remained in contact with Anthony was to just ask at random “When are you going to have children so I can relate to you better?” I could’ve just admonished him for that instead I just rolled with it and said I’m working on it. However, what does he care?

He connected with me knowing this and still finds this to be a problem for him. Especially for his last moment of begging that he wanted to borrow money for his son.

Anyway I think about this more now. Family  – and Anthony isn’t family by no means – expect you to go out get into a relationship, have children and may not always care about whether or not you’re married. I don’t feel that pressure from my family they may ask and I say know although there are rumblings of people who want to know what’s going on. They may wonder if there is something legit wrong with me, although, there are other family member with worse issues than me.

My stance on this issue is no one should force you to have kids unless you’re ready. At a different time I’d be like I can’t wait to have my first son, however, the more I think about it the more concerned I get. Perhaps yours truly isn’t that sure he’d make a good father. And most importantly would I want to have a baby with anybody just to satisfy someone else’s want to see me settled with a family.

It probably isn’t exactly unknown among family that Jack V is a kissless and sexless virgin. I’ve never been known to have a girl hanging around or even known to have many female friends. So unknown to me people conclude what they will, right or wrong.

Perhaps producing a child shouldn’t the mark of manhood. You’re not successful because you knocked up some woman and that produced a baby. Consider me old fashioned, I want marriage a full stable family so that the child will be raised with hopefully a solid set of values. At the same time, I want my son (or God forbid a daughter) to have real respect for people and not act as if their emotional whims are more important than respect for others. I want to raise them to be successful in their lives in whatever they do.

At the same time even in my family I recognize those who didn’t quite do well in their lives and it could be attributed somewhat to their own upbringing. I could point out uncles, aunts, or cousins for example. So at this stage perhaps I have fear & doubt over my own ability to raise successful children.

I feel as if the older I get the opportunities to still have children are beginning to dwindle. I’m also glad that there are no children around for me to be worried about financially or otherwise. It’s something I still desire but at this point there are other milestones that take on far greater importance than that. No one can pressure me into something I will not do and will only do that for myself and no one else’s sensibilities.

Come to think of it, there needs to be another Fear and Doubt episode in the near future.

May 2014

imageI guess to continue ranting. Last month I wrote about my experience during the Streak Era where I tried to get a job with my mother’s company and although she was a higher up it just didn’t work. Just had to be late and the hiring manager proved to be a stickler for time and note that I tried to be responsible let that person know I was running behind.

Well for the moment I want to go back to an old standby story which was Anthony’s strange fixation on yours truly getting an interview with Finer Foods. So my interview with that neighborhood bank occurred early in May 2014. Sometime after that I gave Ant a call just to tell him about my visit to the cinema where we both tried to get jobs as managers.

Now I mention fixation. So prior to my interview with that bank he had been trying to call me or even sending me texts urging me to call his Finer’s contact. I tried to explain my actions via email to him even allowed that I could’ve followed up but his only response which was incomplete was still “When you call [Finer’s contact]”. The response to anything I say about this topic was never going to be to his satisfaction unless I did what he wanted me to do.

I know I told this story enough times the basic gist was he was worrying me about Finer’s at some point in the late winter months. I gave in because the Streak Era had seemingly stalled again and looked to him for a lead. He asked what happened with Finer’s I told him and he got to work. He told me to call his store manager and get an interview which long story short I did.

So I go up for the interview on a cold morning on the northwest side of Chicago and was hungry got lost on the way once I got off the bus. Was a bit late because of a course correction. And once I got to that store was kept waiting until an employee – not sure if she was even a manager – comes to speak to me asks if I was certain I was meeting with store manager. About an hour after I arrived she finally tells me the store mgr was doing a walk with his boss and he won’t be meeting with me wasting my time.

I was teed off, however, I was not very willing to just walk out. It would be fine with me if they told me something although it was become apparent as the waiting continued this was going to be a wash. They told me something finally instead of just keeping me waiting I shoot Anthony a quick text about the situation he tried to call me was in no mood just moved on. Until maybe two days after.

When he calls me and just wants to know what happened with the interview. Basically my text giving him a quick update wasn’t satisfactory enough. I attempt to explain he seems to interject with questions which I try to address, however, he finally arrives at “So did you call them?”. My answer was the wrong one and he gets livid letting me know that he heard I never followed up. Was just too frustrated and teed off to even think about that. Now this is where the disappointed father kicks in, he tells me to call them tomorrow and although I tell him to call me tomorrow he just hangs up.

After that he started trying to get updates making phone calls that I don’t answer or sending texts I won’t respond to. Again fixated on me getting up to his store on the northwest side of Chicago. He wants to know what happened after the last time we talk and no there was no follow-up my mind was on they needed to call me. Besides I had called them and essentially got nothing for it!

That was until I called him later trying to get things back to normal at the time. Started off talking about my recent visit to the theater we both tried to get jobs and he didn’t even acknowledge his next thought become “What happened with Finer’s?” Again just fixated on that whole drama and at that point the interview with that bank was behind me and I’m unsure when I finally told him about it. Don’t think it was that moment.

I’m sure I gave him as close to the shorthand version of what happened however he starts to analyze this. According to him he knew I was teed off, but now they owe me. He mentioned the whole situation about the store mgr with his boss. However, he goes further by stating that they fed me a line I accepted that and they sent me on my way. And then he tried to stir up some drama by stating that I tried to blame him for what happened because I just stopped communicating with him at that point.

My only response was to stop him from taking over the convo and just let him know that I wasn’t blaming him. Of course in my email I did take issue with how he flew off the handle when he called me sometime later after the non-interview. Of course he doesn’t address that he just says call his contact. One thing I have said overtime on this is that while he can’t be blamed for what his mgmt did as far as my interview, my issue was with his behavior immediately afterwards. However, I never quite went there in this convo just told him for the interview I didn’t blame him for that.

So we talk about other things and I want to tell you about one weird moment in our convo. Was trying to agree with him on something but I heard him growl over the phone which irritated me. Forget the subject hell he didn’t even express irritation with what was being said. The message for me with that growl was more or less just shut up and listen I’m not done talking or your point doesn’t matter.

Disappointed father….

I ask him if he’s meditating. He says “I’m listening”, but was so annoyed by his action I just tell him I’m done. He just keeps making his point as if nothing I said penetrated. Don’t even remember what we were talking about for his final point. Eventually the convo began to wind down and he suggested again that I call his Finer’s contact tomorrow.

This time I didn’t acknowledge his last request only stating “I’ll talk to you later”. Only he knows his response to my parting statement as we ended the call. He didn’t quite acknowledge my response at that point, however, it just shows how fixated he became on this issue. He was fixated that I start telling him about other banking interviews during the rest of 2014 he still felt the need to state “I really need you to call [Finer’s contact]”. So at that point it was probably about August or September and was some time away from finally getting a job offer with Gotham Bank.

Now in that instance all I did was get a phone number and with no plans to even follow up with this it was just filed away. This information is still around the house somewhere. 😛

Also consider that after that Finer’s episode where I got no interview he “arranged” for me to have an interview at another store he worked at near downtown Chicago which still resulted in no job offer. And while he did try to update me or even urge me to follow-up with them he wasn’t as all over this as he had been with Finer’s. And also note that over two years after the fact he still needed to ask what happened with that and led to his attempt to get your’s truly to jump ship from Fresh Foods to Finer Foods.

What a strange series of events with this guy. And again disappointed father, just a domineering man who feels as if it’s his role to call all the shots. What did I get out of this? Well let me see rides in my mother’s vehicle, me giving him small cash infusions, and occasionally free lunch on my dime. And with  not much respect for my efforts.

Have I said enough times I’m glad to have finally cut ties with him.

Current

Recently at work a bus driver asked me at random, “How long have you worked here?” I thought about it and stated four years. At first I was thinking he was asking me about possibly working for the transit authority he’s with now. Instead he asked by name whether or not I’m familiar with a person there, I said no.

And there it is this month in 2018 is my four year milestone with my current location at Fresh Foods. It was an interesting start of this yet another era which essentially ended the Reign of Error. And got a few accomplishments along the way Associate of the Week, two perfect secret shops, and almost got promoted. Changed departments, witnessed the start and aftereffects of a worldwide pandemic.

Been an interesting four years.

Let me start with one thing here, the two men who hired me in 2018. Well they’re both no longer with the company. In fact one of them the store manager who spoke with me on a wet and rainy Saturday in 2018 got fired for reasons unknown. I feel like near the end I was $h!t to him although we hardly really interacted as time moved forward before his somewhat unexpected departure.

There was one odd incident where he came up to me very strongly and let me know of a customer complaint against me claiming I didn’t serve them and just went to the back. It wasn’t too long after I got back from a 15 min break. All I could say was I didn’t notice or paid no attention, he said OK sounds good and the last shot was “And next time be MORE HELPFUL!”

A colleague then connected that exchange with a young lady who worked with us in that period. I saw her when I came back to the dept she came to the store mgr seemingly upset. Little did I know that it had something to do with me. According to the colleague when I went on break things got busy and she got very frustrated by that so perhaps there was a complaint from a customer or perhaps she exaggerated things. Either way she decided to behave in an erratic way and I say this because it came out later that she didn’t mind announcing that she came to work high to other coworkers.

Hmm don’t know how I feel about that you’re high and you work with knives. Anyway I wasn’t too happy with her once I found out, she pretended not to notice or even said much about whatever got her upset to me. She chose to be a snake in that instance and about a week later she was no longer there. Her shifts were up for people to pick up, I also learned that she had a difficult time coming into work calling out once too often. One colleague later said, she just shot herself in the foot.

My primary report our dept mgr well mixed bag. I won’t say much about him because he gave me an opportunity. I feel as if things went downhill with him and it’s what sent me to another dept once the pandemic was in full swing. For one thing yeah sales weren’t what they needed to be to keep everyone where they were. Of course since it seems I couldn’t come back from lunch without a lecture on how I need to talk to leadership if there is a staggering of lunches during peak periods and perhaps some other issues. It took me some time to realize it probably wasn’t working anymore. I was stuck!

Feedback I got from former colleagues about our former dept mgr talked about not very good rapport, they butted heads, he was sort of a my way type, he was fake, another colleague told me that his ability to make more money to take on more shifts were curtailed by that dept mgr – even referred to him as an @$$hole although he wanted to like him as a person. And I do remember that he had a recognition, a positive one being the nicest guy at the store, however, I’ve seen the stern side and hear that he displayed that with others.

Another piece of feedback was from someone who actually worked in the mgmt office with him and stated that while he seemed like a nice guy he had difficulty even having tough conversations with people. Even noted a very passive aggressive streak in him. My only comment to the passive aggressive thing was to say that’s not a good trait for a manager which he agreed.

With that said whatever was going on with both, they’re no longer with the company. And possibly with the store mgr whatever got him separated it probably won’t ever allow him to return to the company. Though I do know he’s got an electronics degree so perhaps he can still use that with his extensive mgmt experience.

As for yours truly I got another raise and very close to realizing my goal of lasting somewhere as long as I had at The Show – almost five years. So the deal is, I’m not sure I’ll stay about my current location for another year. Perhaps for a bit longer I may remain with Fresh Foods, however, this is the time for me to be a bit restless. It’s very easy to just sit still and remain complacent however there are other milestones yet for me to accomplish. Perhaps I can still accomplish them at Fresh or try something else at some point though there is no better time than the present.

Another Fresh store is opening soon, well actually it’s a relocation. That store is actually moving to much larger digs in the near future. Hopefully there will be some opportunities there for me in the future, and as I still hope for some opportunities at the Hole as stated a few months ago it’s just time for me to let them go for now.

I met my mother’s accountant for the first time. Whenever the door rang my mother decided to start using the bathroom. And I find myself answering the door, especially when my mother lets me know she’s expecting the tax man.

He started mentioning that he has a grandchild who’s in law school and gave me info on a local institution that accepts on a rolling basis and told me that I need to take an LSAT. Well OK, not I can put my college degree to use although in this case go back to school. It’s something I’ve been thinking about and who cares if I work at a grocery store. This could springboard me to where I needed to be.

Something I will look into as I attempt to look towards the future.

Earlier this month I said it was time to move on from the Fiend and yet it seems I can’t help but vent. So I may have something later just want to write something that’s readable. Perhaps go back to last month’s post about respecting my body and dating and even children. I still have thoughts to share on that.

Beyond that I hope you’ve had a fantastic spring.

Family off limits?

I wanted to share this video from a former mobster Michael Franzese. A lot of what he says on a variety of subjects is interesting and even he had to chime in on what happened with Will Smith at the Oscars two weeks ago. I don’t want to delve into this too much although I want to share some thoughts as I watch the video below. You can further check out my thoughts on Will Smith over at Virgin Populist.

Well Franzese discusses the slap at the Oscars and whether or not you should touch family in the comedy aspect. Should Chris Rock have made a joke about Smith’s wife Jada Pinkett? Well my story doesn’t exactly rise to that level and I’ll explain.

During the “streak era” Anthony and I were talking one day at work and he decided to make a comment along the lines of “I just knew there was a problem when your mother didn’t try to get you a job at that bank”. One way to look at it, an older man like myself with a college degree working minimum wage at a movie theater this forwarded his idea that I just didn’t belong. To be fair there were others who expressed that opinion whether negatively or even in some respects positively.

My response was more of a deflection than anything only to state that was my decision. It was my decision to work at The Show and it was my decision as far as whether or not I wanted to work at my mother’s bank where she was a manager. And as it turned out later it definitely wasn’t her decision as far as whether or not it was her call alone as far as getting a job at her bank a neighborhood lender close to home.

About a year later, I finally just made the jump and applied got an interview not long after filing application. They still did paper applications which are rare these days. And I didn’t get back to the branch manager who called me right away. When I did it seemed like a brief convo before the branch manager was ready to interview me at her branch located on the northwest side of the city actually it was close to O’Hare airport.

It was a bit of an ordeal to get up there as I still had to depend on public transit while on the way I needed to call the branch manager to let her know I’m running late. I was trying to do the right thing and respect her time and it didn’t matter. I wasn’t getting hired.

The branch manager was a talker who discussed her faith and mentioning God’s will. I tried to explain my lateness and noted that I had to change trains downtown and she questions that. She was already trying to determine if I was lying. Also since she was a talker I just wasn’t in a talking mood either, just ready to get this interview over with. She mentioned during the interview that I was tardy anyway.

The first time I was answering some questions about future ambitions such as mgmt – a usual tactic then for my interviews. She came back with “After coming to this interview almost 20 mins late, I’m not impressed”. The other time she had to ask some hypothetical of whether or not a manager at The Show would rate my on-time performance. She had me take a quick basic math test and while I passed it wasn’t going to matter, she just let me know there were other candidates and we’ll be in touch. Never heard from her again.

Of course I have to note this when I tell this story. Not long after this interview she got let go from that bank. She just got caught up in the changes going on there, I’ve mentioned them here so I won’t rehash.

The point here is whether or not my mother was mgmt there had no bearing on whether or not I got a job there. Yeah, it’s great to have a leg up. At the same time no results from this exercise sadly no job offer and I remained at the cinema until October when I took the teller job at Gotham Bank. It just showed what my dear old fiend’s opinion was worth – a bucket of spit.

I did eventually tell him what had happened. See, during this period he was demanding an answer for what happened with Finer Foods as in this case I was getting some other opportunities such as this bank. At first I told him it was a job freeze as far as finding another job, then later told him it was because my tardiness for interview and what later happened to the hiring branch manager. He laughed at that last point about the branch mgr but thankfully didn’t add any further thoughts to that whole situation.

Either way if you want to know I thought he was out of line for he said regarding my mother. As you may have gathered perhaps you thought this way already or you read along overtime with yours truly that Anthony is opinionated and will cross boundaries accordingly. He will say what he believes is necessary to say right or wrong and in this case he was wrong.

Only he knows what he was trying to accomplish with his crack about my mother and the bank. Perhaps he wanted me to believe she failed to help me out as her son who was forced to accept a job working minimum wage at a cinema and the job wasn’t quite working out. Or perhaps he wanted to work me up about where I was anyway and where I should have been in his opinion. Who knows however whatever motives his conjecture regarding me or my mother was not really his to make. He also never any further comments along these lines after that.

As it turns out if it was simple in his head, it really wasn’t in reality as it didn’t work out for me. The whole attempt at working in banking didn’t work out for me as you know with my brief experience at Gotham. And if the neighborhood bank had worked out for me in a few years time perhaps it is possible that I’d be looking for another gig anyway.

And bear in mind once I found another job quickly after leaving Gotham he tried to $h!t on the move to a grocery store anyway he was still determined to tell me that I’d have been off being a personal banker. However, by that moment I was down on working at a bank and became excited about my next move which proved to be a better one.

Final lesson for yours truly. Be careful of what I say about my background. You never know how someone will respond to that information. They may decided at some point to treat you with hostility. Also I could’ve really let him know that his comments about my mother are out of line even if this was constructive criticism.

And in line with my attempt to work for the neighborhood based bank, I only went for it because I was ready to leave The Show. That was true for quite a few interviews I had from 2012 to 2014 and some of them I was more excited about than others. At the same time, was I entirely sold on working for a company where my mother was a mgr? Not at all and thankfully I wouldn’t be working directly for her as her being my mother could often be difficult enough…

Regardless Anthony’s comments were out of line and whatever perceived issues there were are only between my and my mother alone. And of course in light of my change of perception of our “situationship” thank goodness for her!

April Fools

Allow me to announce for the record that I hope to ultimately decrease any future stories about Anthony a guy who I consider a fiend and not a very good friend. Time to move away and let go, especially since perhaps he isn’t thinking much about me anyway. He likely found another target since he is a user, however, that’s no longer my business.

As you see that is a minimal likeness of the man I knew for many years. He’s got those red beady eyes, a frown, a grimace, with a Guy Fawkes goatee. My artistic skills aren’t that great however I feel this is adequate if I wanted to show you how I truly view the Fiend.

Anyway here’s what I wanted to share with you.

Five years ago in 2017 before the “reign of error” I was trying to get into touch with Anthony. I felt the need to discuss with him and seek advice on a panel interview I would be a part of. One thing I did at first was to text him to see if he was available to chat. We exchanged texts perhaps I was trying to be jokey and he wasn’t really having it, in 20/20 hindsight he was crabby for some reason. When he’s crabby he just let’s things fly and sometimes yours truly can be a convenient target.

So anyway out of the blue he requests that I take off April 1. My response to was ask if he’s requesting off April Fool’s Day. Basically on my end perhaps there was some confusion and wanted some assurance that I myself wasn’t being pranked. His rough response via txt

“Stop with the @#$%^!*@_@$#!$# jokes. I’m asking you to take off because I want you to go somewhere with me.”

I had to calm him down as best I could and told him I wanted to talk to him anyway and ask if I can call him. He was OK with it so I dialed him up. Told him about the panel interview I would be part of where one of the supervisors and another supervisor from another store. I had to explain to him several times what my role was and this panel interview wasn’t for me though I was part of the process to ultimately hire another assistant mgr for the dept.

I don’t remember his advice but a lot of it was to just show some of the hire ups my boss at the time – and this was before Ruthless Roger – the HR person and a store mgr about my understanding of the role at the very least. To see my point of view on why I wanted to do this it was to at least see the process up close as far as what it takes to get promoted at Fresh Foods.

Remember you read that Ant was a bit crabby. Sometimes I might repeat “If you don’t mind me asking” and he comes back with “DUDE You can ask me anything YOU WANT!” and he did that to me twice during our convo. Again I can be a convenient target perhaps if I didn’t tolerate it he wouldn’t keep doing it. Either way he felt it was OK to just take out whatever frustration he had onto me and it wasn’t cool, especially if it comes from a friend.

Anyway I got my own frustration off as this was the same convo where he noted Finer’s. I had been updating him on possibly becoming a buyer as the next step for me during that period of time and it also seemed when I bring it up he wouldn’t support that. In that conversation he decided to be like “Hey, OK, Alright. If you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money“. At which point I just said tensely “YOU MUST HAVE A REAL HARD ON FOR ME COMING TO FINER’S”

That got his attention he tried to keep me calm and stated “No, no, no. I’m just saying, just saying”. I didn’t respond I just hoped my response and then subsequent silence would get the point across that there was no interest in that direct. Also this was the umpteenth time during that period when we talk about work that he would bring that up. Newsflash this proved to not be the end of it.

Eventually we ended our call and not long after that he sent me a sexually charged meme. It was a medication themed meme showing a curvy scantily clad woman talking about such side effects as high blood pressure, heart issues, etc. The implication is that there are health effects to having your fun with said scantily clad woman. And remember he was crabby right?

I wrote “is this covered by my benefits?” to roll with the meme. And he had to respond, “I don’t think you need to worry about your benefits and all because I don’t think you’re getting any to begin with”. My response “I really like your thinking”. He read it but had no response but just had to reply with something just a dick response.

So that was it although remember during that period he was sending me things other memes and some videos that were related to his interest in martial arts. There was really nothing else with that and one time asked him outright “Are you a bot?” and his response was to send me more of them.

So our convo took place not long before April Fools 2017. Little did I know our “situationship” would take a turn by at the very earliest in June. He would again borrow money from me and showed little inclination to pay back. He would be a bit of a troll near the end of our real communications. And at this point I didn’t think I would experience the event I refer to as the Climax of the Reign of Error.

That rather unexpected event was a primary reason with no real “falling out” that caused me to really distance myself from the man who in 2018 would become Anthony the hustler. I began to think more logically and reasonably about him and his actions after that point.

Nightcrawler

At some point when I was briefly at Gotham Bank I went to the cinema and saw Nightcrawler. I found some aspects of this picture disturbing as it dealt with a man who had very little scruples when it comes to achieving his objectives. I made an off comment about one aspect of the picture to me former friend the Fiend although in some respects this movie could be about him

Well long story short is that Lou Bloom starts the movie off trying to steal a little bit of a chain link fence so he can later sell for scrap metal. He had to dispatch a security guard because he was determined to get some of that scrap metal. Anyway at some point he sees some stringers filming a car accident on an expressway which gives him his next idea for him to make a living.

A stringer is a freelancer who provides in this case video for a TV station to use. Lou buys a cheap camcorder from a pawn shop after stealing a bike and he’s off to the races. He encounters a news producer named Nina with whom he later threatens to withhold his content unless she goes out with him. And it’s implied that she ultimately does far more than go on a date with him. I did tell you this man has very little scruples.

Anyway we see him sabotage a competing stringer and then he hired an intern whom he gets killed because his intern recognizes how corrupt Lou Bloom is. The end of the story shows Lou very triumphant now he has a whole team operating as stringers.

Now my comment to the Fiend was in relation with Lou and Nina. A lot of things should make your skin crawl about this picture and that situation ought to be the main one. He essentially gets his needs met with her under the guise of a business relationship . So my comment which I won’t repeat was along those lines, perhaps my thought process should’ve been how many men out there are like that and then how many women fall for it.

This is one movie that should help you realize what types of people are out there. If you see a Lou Bloom coming, avoid him at all costs!

Allow me to share this video which more or less confirms my worst suspicions about this fictional character.

Faith

In the early days of this blog I approached discussing my virginity in rather idealistic ways or perhaps the reasons for it. It could be a combination of moral – even if I don’t practice a religion or it could be lack of opportunity or it could just be I can never get with the process of requesting dates. I could even say that it seems for some women dating could become a drawn out process to the point where a prospective man just says never mind. Or perhaps as could be if a guy isn’t picking up on a woman’s hints she might just go with a guy who does or even a give who gives her attention.

Anyway I’ve been thinking about religion a lot lately and it could be a passing interest. However my background is that I’ve never joined a church. My dad had joined a few years before he passed away and my mother for whatever reason never has joined a church. We might go to different church services over the years especially in my youth and usually I associate that with “dressing up” and having to clean up in order to go to church. In some respects I’ve never really enjoyed that.

At the same time I have gotten older, still a virgin and I really don’t have a religious reason for remaining this way. I always felt as if not wanting to have sex until marriage made sense, perhaps on occasion I feigned religious reasons even if that wasn’t entirely correct. Still I believe no sex until marriage made sense and even with what I’ve experienced in recent years I still believe it makes sense.

Why would I want to have sex to satisfy someone else who should really have no concern over it? That means to satisfy my social group I’d have to do it with anyone just to satisfy their odd mentality with regards to getting laid. I don’t think that’s healthy especially if the other person comes to the realization that you’re using them for their bodies and that’s all. It makes sense to me therefore that I really want to like who I’m being intimate with.

So the video above I’m sharing is because it’s of interest to me currently. Is the answer to me being a virgin is to for example adopt the Catholic faith or any faith for that matter? Perhaps I join such a large community and ultimately find a wonderful Catholic lady with whom I can start a family. Also allow me to add I can further say if I had a faith, I can say my virginity is for religious reasons.

What’s wrong with respecting your own body? What’s wrong with being picky about who you might choose to share your body with? And what’s wrong with doing that only with someone you care a lot about?

Anyway here are some topics of discussion for other posts.

  • Jack V desires a family but what does he really think about becoming a father?
  • Jack V has met people who shows disdain toward him for not getting laid what does this say about them?
  • Jack V believes no sex until marriage makes sense but then why is that?
  • Jack V wonders is it possible to just pick a faith and stick with it?

Those posts and other regularly scheduled programming coming soon….

Valentine’s Day 2012

A decade ago I had to work the evening of Valentine’s Day. The movie everyone came out to see on that occasion was this Denzel Washington picture Safe House. Perhaps a lot of the people who came out thought it was just like American Gangster which came out the previous decade but no it’s actually an espionage thriller. Regardless a lot of folks came out on Valentine’s Day to watch the latest Denzel pic.

I’m going to share with you the craziest part of the night and it happened near the end of my shift. This shift was on a weekday and it was just busier than usual. I seem to remember that it was so busy that it felt like a typical weekend. The business we were doing would normally be seen on a Friday or a Saturday.

Eventually whatever other pictures were scheduled for that evening gave way to Safe House and by the end of the night the only movie we had was Safe House. Every screen available by the time it was time to close up The Show was playing Safe House. That leads to one of my last customers on that given evening.

There was a lady and she was with a party and I forget how many with her. My manager was standing off in the background ready to count me down. Our digital screen over box office still had those other pictures that we were showing during the day although they were no longer playing by the end of the night. This lady started asking about those movies all of them. Just one question “what’s this about?”  about all of those pictures before she finally asked for the only show we had left playing.

It got to the point that the next thing I knew my manager counted someone else down as the customer went down the list of all the movies she wasn’t going to see. I was already overdue as far as getting off for the night and did some extra time because of the business we were doing, on request of mgmt.

Eventually she finally asked for Safe House as I knew she would. She had a smirk on her face when she was finally ready to buy her movie tix. It’s almost as if she knew exactly what she was doing when she was doing it. She asked about all those other movies that weren’t playing just to hold me up or perhaps my manager standing back. Who knows what she was thinking, however, if there was no real reason other than some people are just quirky. Quirky to the point they just meander until they get to the point.

So anyway I finally did get off work, and I recall there was some drama in one of the auditoriums that Henry and his crew had to address. I forget what it was, perhaps there was a fight or a lost wallet. Whatever it was my night was over and I got ready to get back out in the cold of that evening. Actually I don’t really remember how the weather was that day.

However, it was an interesting shift.

New beginnings, maybe?

I’ve really been struggling to write this post for a while and then again it seems also very easy. For one I wanted to create something of a conclusion with regards to the Fiend and perhaps you already know this. There really isn’t one other than one less stress off my plate. I also know this post near the end will be all over the place.

I’ve often written that after writing about my situationship since 2018 the story is really repetitive in my world well he is the Fiend. I don’t want to rehash too much of who he is, what I have to cop to how it all fell into place for him. Made it so easy until my own situation changed unexpectedly in 2017. And his attempts at contact in my mind shows anything from he took me for granted as I had my role and he wasn’t quite ready to let go. His role was a lot more outsized and had no real results for me other than  what benefited him.

I often said if I got the opportunity to tell him off, it’s likely yours truly will only stress myself out. Its believable it’s also like I’ve stated about another odious character Deranged Barney I’ve only stooped to his level. I won’t be very proud of myself if I do that. When I think about it the easiest thing is to avoid taking his phone calls in person is another issue and I had one of those once I commenced my blackout.

I said once that I wanted to discuss the last episode at work with D.B. The Fiend just thought it was so funny to just randomly bring up that troubled soul when we were still talking. I think in doing that he knew exactly what he was doing, perhaps he was going for a reaction. In my head, it was really a convo killer and that’s not to say I’m not guilty of the same still it was one way to kill a simple convo. I know his stance on me talking about him, however, he justifies it if I object.

Regardless, I don’t know if I ever want to tell the story as in the past I had promised although my only response is that it was a regret. D.B might have been very proud of that last night before he got let go from The Show. However, other than possibly losing my job that night about a decade ago what would I have lost. Perhaps I’d be job hunting, though hopefully something would come along. What I wish I knew back then was the stagnation wasn’t changing, perhaps me being sent packing along w/ D.B. could have been a blessing inn disguise. Instead I was still there and D.B. rightfully was sent packing and later showed how little control he had over himself.

One thing I can say about him now is not to call him a douche boy or an idiot is that I recognize he’s just troubled. Something happened in his background that has turned him into that character who when he runs into me is often caught grinning or more frequently greeting me boisterously or running up to me for a response of some sort. To be honest, I already had to face the real threat and while D.B. wanted to break down the door with a sledgehammer the Fiend just opened the door with the right angle.

Either way that just has to be old news, this is what I have to tell myself. Perhaps one day I find my purpose in life and that episode resurfaces. One can only cross that bridge when it happens. What happened has…

Also during the Reign of Error and through the Climax I wrote a number of stories about my encounters at the place I formerly call $H!tplace. The most galling one is the episode Petty. A few realizations of that.

  • I seem to have little issues deferring to authority figures. Arguing with them is dangerous and it seems I can’t help but run into the types who wants to believe you’re utterly incompetent. Perhaps you can’t fight and win at work, however, one thing is certain. They can be wrong someone might have told them a fake story and they’re quick to believe it. They have their own issues and in some cases they lost their jobs as a result, it causes me to wonder how they rose through the ranks.
  • In the case of the House Manager or H.M. I realize that in his need to be correct and right and cater to a bratty young woman he failed to de-escalate the situation. That’s a nice word isn’t it of course it could be much harsher like shut that bull$h!t on down! Either way I feel as if that was the primary reason it sort of worked in my favor. And I realize I could’ve hit him with an even more wilder accusation, rather glad that I hadn’t could make that worse.

With that said I could’ve accepted that and moved on and perhaps gotten more of it. Or even as another coworker even stated plainly say excuse me because that would be easiest and quickly only to get more of it. That’s just one way to look at it, however, I didn’t get hit with that again and still have to encounter resistance to young women who for whatever reason just didn’t respect you. Perhaps it’s just the inmates running the asylum and glad to have walked out free and wasted time with angst over that.

I think about where my life is now. Money isn’t everything, but the money has been much better and it makes a difference. Still one thing I worry about is what’s next for me. What’s my purpose in this life?

You know what sucks. How does one find their purpose if they don’t where to look. Let’s go back full circle, the Fiend was trying to be part of the process. What I think happened was that he wanted me in his direction for his own purposes. Is that the right purpose?

Finally I just had to add that I didn’t have a real vision. That led to someone like the Fiend coming in and throwing around his own vision. And they way I see it now that vision wouldn’t get me anywhere. My mother hoped I make it in banking and when I tried it, I had a sense of relief the morning I got a pink slip. If I dont have my own vision someone else will create their own for me and perhaps I won’t like that vision.

New update

Perhaps another recently post? Yes let’s do it!

My former dept is going through another mgmt change and I would dare say it’s akin to what happened at The Hole years ago except I’m not there to witness it. I’m as far away as I can be as it unfolds.

I was shocked to see on Fresh’s social network that the dept mgr position is up. Found out from one of my former colleagues that the dept mgr was leaving to go to another store. I won’t speculate as far as whether or not she couldn’t handle the position she just ascended to over six months ago. This period of time when it’s hard to find good help and a pandemic surely has been difficult and stressful.

I actually spoke with the assistant mgr who said he was stepping down also and he wasn’t going to stay in that dept. We both agreed how stressful the kitchen could be I almost got consumed by it before getting transferred out. Part of me wishes I could get back on course there but let’s not forget the assistant mgr asked if I wanted to come back and I was like eh, been there done that. Depends upon position such as that team receiver which has recently been taken down.

As a bit of a joke I reached out to my former trainer from the Hole. He’s moved on to run his own dept at another store. He was curious though it’s unknown if he’s interested. He was shocked by the revelations.

You know it occurs to me that we’re approaching an anniversary of sorts. Four years ago I’d find out that a man I have referred to as Ruthless Roger had vacated his position as dept mgr at the Hole. From the information I received from people who worked with him back then it seems as if it just didn’t work out for him. No matter what his ego insisted. BTW, newsflash I found out he’s back with the company this time as a liquor dept buyer however he moved out of the Chicago area. Interesting I just hope he doesn’t try to be a dept mgr again…

Anyway, speaking with the assistant mgr – who was formerly the dept buyer – gave me some insight into mgmt. It’s stressful full of accountability and responsibility. I understand more than I would’ve having to enter the job market after getting out of college. He may be missing an opportunity, however, perhaps you have to be smart enough to recognize when something just isn’t for you. To be honest I faced that with the bank, I realized this wasn’t working for me and made some moves before the inevitable happened.

With that said I go back to the Reign of Error and had decided one thing to come back from that disappointment, that calamity was to come back stronger. Well I haven’t quite done that so far to be honest. Of course there are other opportunities for that however after almost four years to return to the company after the calamity I failed to come back strong.

One way to come back strong is: What if I was able to get Rog’s job as dept mgr and proved to be far more successful than he was? I think about that sometimes and I also consider there is a possibility that I could crash and burn as he had in my humble opinion. If it worked out well for yours truly perhaps I could rub it in if that day comes, then again who knows perhaps that’s a bad idea.

Either way I’m seeing how the workplace is moving right along in a time of a pandemic. Of course as I seek my path for a greater return I always hope for the best. Perhaps I can see how things shake down for my former dept from afar. I’ve already seen up close one direction it could go, especially with someone who is just unsettled in their new role.