Is the Adult Male Virgin Society’s Last Taboo?

This article is disturbing to me it seems so utterly depressing with ideas of sympathy for that maniac eliot rogers. It’s more or less an analysis of a situation that I’m finding isn’t that uncommon especially looking for articles on male virginity.

It is this perceived lack of contingency between one’s actions and their ability to have sex that leads many adult virgin males to define themselves as “involuntarily celibate” or “Incel.” Never having had sex is not the most depressing issue, per se. Rather, it’s the continued inability to access sex when one wants it.

Ah, but doesn’t this reek of entitlement? Surely no one, man or woman, is entitled to sate the desire to have sex, whenever one wants, however one wants and with whomever one wants?

On describing Elliot Rodgers, feminist commentators were quick to rightfully criticize his sense of entitlement to sex and male entitlement more broadly. It’s true; no one is owed sex.

But now, vicariously at least, the adult virgin male finds himself lambasted from two fronts. On one side, pick-up artists denigrate his low value, lack of masculinity and inability to get laid. On the other side, feminists fault his sense of entitlement in wanting to get laid in the first place. Quite naturally, the adult virgin male internalizes these viewpoints and feels a profound sense of shame.

No one is entitled to sex. For me when I attempt to connect with women perhaps there is an entitlement on my part. One problem though, the women may still have their own ideas as far as what they want from a man. Perhaps that’s what frustrates me about women for the most part, sometimes a man’s pitch for her time – let alone her body – is never good enough.

As for my response it’s OK to engage in hobbies and connect with people unfortunately it’s a never ending struggle. While society seems to want to turn male virginity into a problem, it seems a male virgin – such as yours truly – should stop worrying about it. Hard to do if you crave companionship, but all one can say is that it’ll happen when it happens. No amount of pressure, comments or cheapshots will force a male virgin to make a connection with a woman who’ll value him!

This is what I truly seek myself.




A test of maturity is how to deal with a situation that you weren’t happy with. I’ve worked with people who have little issue letting me or anyone else know how unhappy they are working with them. Sometimes it’s very legitimate – for example perhaps you’re in the way – on the other hand sometimes you wonder how one deals with a complainer. To be fair it’s much easier to complain that to just keep it moving.

At some point one had to answer not for a terrible boss – and of course how could anyone – but for your own actions. For example my attendance issues which got me let go last year. Do I feel as if “Ruthless Roger” put a target on me, probably there just isn’t a lot of proof if the tardies put me in that unfortunate situation. If there is anything I can point to with that, the whole situation for the last 6 months of last year was most tedious because we had a whole new regime take over the dept.

With this said, I interviewed with my old store last week. Since learning that Roger is no longer the mgr of my former dept I had been applying to any position available in that dept. Of course it seemed as if every position I applied for saw me get rejected as the job status kept going to “no longer under consideration”. However, one of the store managers called me up recently to schedule an interview. I’m not sure if he remembers but he was in the mgmt office when Roger ushered me into the office to walk back out when the “guillotine” fell. Even though they were going with this he said “don’t think we like this” even in spite of the delay slip from the transit authority.

When I called the store mgr back, he asked why I no longer worked for the company, I told him. No frills though I just had to add the it’s a lot more interesting that being on attendance probation and was late one more time. I just had to note until that last tardy which was due to a delay on the trains that I was close to beating that probation. So anyway interview was scheduled for mid-week and I got ready to prepare to the extent that I could.

Upon going back to the store for this attempt at a return it felt like old times to get off at the train stop nearby. Because I was running out of time as far as hanging out before the interview. I headed straight to the store and unfortunately there was a short line at the customer service desk, in fact one of the people in line was an associate who wanted to buy a gift card then use gift card to buy her food…yeah more complicated than necessary. Anyway, I checked in after that and had a bit of a wait before the store mgr came out.

Ran into one of the former associates who was doing his paperwork. He had also been let go by Roger and remember what I’ve said earlier no one seems to have a good story about him as a manager. There was often something dumb with him that I hear about from either a supervisor or an associate. More indicative of the fact that he really had no idea what he was doing. Also that in making his many changes he proved to be more in the way than he was helping.

What did this associate we’ll call Danny say? Nothing specific just that Roger could be bossy and wanting things his way. Much agreed on that point he was like that with me, remember he was a by-the-book manager. That proved to be problematic as he showed he didn’t really know how to run the kitchen. The book didn’t really help him in some of those regards. This was even noted by one of his supervisors whom I talked to recently.

Anyway upon greeting Danny, I simply told him “The nightmare is over”. Of course nightmare is probably giving him too much credit, but he’s coming back to a different dept that is now being run by Larry. When I told him who came back to be the mgr, it seemed that he liked that. My comment, “the dept now has someone who knows what they’re going.” Danny agreed and furthermore I stated that “Roger trying to have things his way got him nowhere as he’s not here anymore”. I further told Danny that although I heard many stories, Roger simply upped and quit.

Ran into another colleague who himself bristled under Roger some of his “goofball” changes affected him. He seemed a lot more cheerful on this day than he had been when I left. Things were looking up far more, though there were more to tell him when I officially come back. I was telling Danny more than I should’ve…

After all this the store mgr came out after a few minutes to meet me for interview which we did in the sitting area near the checkout lines. That will be a story for another time. As I write this I’m struggling to write an artful thank you note. Trying not to be very presumptuous about getting my job back at the same time hoping to increase the chances that I will return. Although to be fair it’s much easier to do nothing when in doubt. Problem is, I don’t like playing the waiting game especially since it’s my great interest to return and work with Larry…

Odds & Ends

I have been sitting on this post for quite a while the events that happened in this post occurred during the month of February. So we’re just about in mid-March as I decide to edit this post some more. Unfortunately more to discuss as far as my former boss “Ruthless Roger” though we’ll start off with talking to someone I formerly worked with at “The Show”. Yeah something new came up and not much opportunity to complain about the past.


* I ran into another coworker at “The Show” he was a cool outspoken guy who on occasion turned that mouth onto me. I could say he was a bit more reasonable than Anthony to be fair. We’ll call him Cliff and I was at the shopping center where the theater is located. Cliff just so happened to have been at a nearby coffee-shop having himself some donuts.

We got into some old drama, most of which didn’t involve yours truly, but one part of it helped get a friend of mine – Keith out of his job as a supervisor. Remember back in January I ran into another former colleague from “The Show” who used the word snake. Cliff noted something about another supervisor who helped get Keith fired. Irony is that Keith was dating an associate there while a supervisor, and this other supervisor allegedly was dating an associate although they were in two different parts of the theater. Remember there was a theater component and then a restaurant, during my time there they had been considered somewhat separate even though under the same company.

He let me know who does what at “The Show” these days. Harve became a senior mgr, however, he basically is over promotions and screenings – great pick up for him. Another supervisor we know became a booth mgr, the other booth mgr we knew who was a bit snakey has responsibility over other theaters in the region now. Though most of the people I had worked with are gone now. Especially those so-called “mean girls of s**tplace“. If many of them found better jobs then I will definitely say good for them.

* Oh another senior mgr who had gotten quickly promoted from associate to supervisor then senior mgr I learned had been sent to corporate. I feel as if I know why that happened, Anthony got involved in a drama involving his daughter whom he helped orchestrate getting a job at the theater we both complained about.

Allegedly this senior mgr was trying to get Anthony’s daughter away from the customer service desk – people did tend to huddle in that area and depending upon the mgr on duty there was some success in getting people to scatter. Since Anthony could be pretty stubborn as he can be with me, his daughter wouldn’t scatter so allegedly this senior mgr put her hands on his daughter causing a scuffle. Bear in mind Anthony knows martial arts and passed this on to his daughter.

Since Anthony has an idea about the internal process of most companies he found out who the HR rep was. Sent letters to the general manager, the HR rep, and whoever else he felt he needed to. He was still mad because this senior mgr still had a job with them as she does now. She is no longer a theater mgr anymore so perhaps this was an excuse, but I never asked Cliff nor told him about Anthony’s daughter.

* Frankly I liked working with Cliff, he was good to talk to. He was on this day, he suggested that I go into “The Show” and speak to another supervisor that I know who was on duty on this day. Though I never really expressed interest when I left him behind at his table and and went to the front door I saw the house manager open the doors to customers. Upon seeing him I went the opposite direction so I texted this supervisor later letting her know what’s up. There will be another time to pick my spot for a physical visit to the theater itself, probably still won’t catch a flick there. Though if I did, it would be to see how much things cost up there today.

If you want to know since I’ve been out of work, I do go up there just to look around. In that complex there are stores where I browse around, but mainly to reminisce. As of late it has been more frequent than I had been while working. For a while it was a matter of this where I’ve been and now I’m in a better place though for the moment my place isn’t very good in light of my current circumstances. To which in answering Cliff as far as where I work now I just said “Fresh Foods” as if my firing never happened. Then told me of another colleague who became a supervisor at a nearby store who herself had made the transition from movie theater to grocery store which is also a “Fresh” location.


* Funny thing is this same day I ran into one of my former supervisors who just so happened to have lunch with another former colleague at my former “Fresh Foods” store. They were seated at the coffee bar and I just so happened to be walking by they saw me through the windows just as Cliff did near “The Show”.

The former colleague we’ll just refer to as Jill was the one whom I msg’d on FB when the proverbial guillotine fell – i.e. the day I was let go. I predicted to her that “Ruthless Roger” may not be there in six months. While I felt it was erroneous to put a timeline on Roger, something told me he wasn’t going to last. Though I will say the justification for the six mos period was that I could reapply by that time.

It was through Jill’s status msg on FB that I learned that Larry was coming back to run my old dept at “Fresh Foods”. She didn’t just give a casual yes when I asked if Roger was gone it was an emphatic exclamatory Yes! She was the first one to report to yours truly that Roger has been demoted, gave his notice, and then quit within a matter of days. Unfortunately I’ve heard other versions of what happened with Roger which my former supervisor would state during my impromptu visit.

* Upon entering the store for the first time since the “axing”, my first comment was in reference to Larry coming back – “So we’re getting a real manager now!” . The supervisor asked me if I knew Larry was coming back, my response – “Exactly why I’ve reapplied”. I did tell them I have applied to come back though my 6 mos period won’t be over until April, however, if only they could justify bringing me back now. I’m ready to get back to work today (remember this was back in February)!

I tried to be somewhat careful about my comments with the supervisor, however, he did let out amazingly that now without Roger in the dept things have eased up a bit for them. Ahhhh so Roger was the reason for the same old b.s. that another colleague referred to back in December.  An old adage is proven true, it all begins at the top doesn’t it?

Anyway, while I decided to direct the comments towards the roughness, the supervisor even admitted it was a little bit of bad associates and Roger’s mgmt style. While he complimented Roger’s knowledge of the rules and regulations of the company he just had no idea on how to run a kitchen. Even threw out this idea of he’d have been better off being a manager at a slower store. I can see that, he was an assistant mgr at a much larger dept in a larger store and it begs the question what was he doing while he was there. My parting comment on this is that having that experience at this other store didn’t translate into moving successfully into a higher role at my former store.

* Jill didn’t say a whole lot about Roger other than how she knew it wouldn’t last. Isn’t that funny I could see it, she could see it, a lot more of us in the dept was beginning to see it. Perhaps it was him being by the book or some of his goofy rules or goofy changes. For goodness sake he even decided to change the format of the schedule from what we were used to. If that wasn’t a sign of where he priorities were I don’t know what is. It was almost like he was trying to reinvent the wheel now that he was our boss.

So the verdict Jill who in my msg last year referred to Roger as a puppet after I referred to him as  goofball she knew how the dept was turning out. She was grasping straws while I was still there when she referred to how we’re not getting our profitsharing or the dept isn’t making any money perhaps even more interesting Roger doesn’t even know how to cook. She was complaining a lot more than she should’ve, but she realized that he likely didn’t know what he was doing and his installation as our boss was for show.

While Jill and the former supervisor were further discussing Roger’s old store and how huge it was this was where I figured out that yours truly became the third wheel in their convo and cut my unplanned visit short. Told them in a fit of confidence that I will talk to them later. The supervisor even suggests I get in touch with Larry and get the process started on my return. Even gave me the exact date when Larry will take over the dept.

* Incidentally, my former store is not far away from the theater where I frequently watch movies. In fact if I get an early shift that ends at about 2 PM or 3 PM you will find me at the show on any given Friday, Saturday or Sunday to catch the latest releases. It also helps when I don’t yet want to go home, especially since my mother is now retired. Even though I have no job at the moment I still take the time out to watch a movie.

Whenever I approached the theater I made great pains for a while to not go anywhere near there. For the most part my path kept me across the street from the front and side windows lest I be seen by a colleague or even Roger himself. As a matter of fact, not longer after my last day at the store I saw Roger outside on his phone probably on his break and about to go back inside. I was a good distance away from him when I did and wondered what would happen if I got close to him. I’m glad that there is no answer for you here in this post.

Would I have gotten mad if he spoke? Would he just pretend he didn’t know me? Would I have remained civil? For me I’m OK with the fact that I just maintained my distance and just went into the theater nearby to a watch a movie on that day. Besides I would like to come back to “Fresh” why would I jeopardize that?

Like I’ve said since the “Breaking news” post my goal right now is to return to “Fresh Foods”. So hopefully the next time you see anything about my former employer is that I’m back. It will be then that I will discuss Roger further and at that point hopefully I will be summoned to return!



Recently I got several calls from a number I don’t recognize – my policy is usually not answer unrecognizable phone numbers if they’re someone to answer hopefully they’ll leave a voicemail. So after the umpteenth phone call from this number I receive a txt from this number asking me to call them. The hell….

I txted them asking them who are they? It was Anthony, the last time he did non-sense like this he made it seem urgent – this was the last time he asked to borrow money – “Call me 911”. This wasn’t the first time he sent such a txt, however, one time he did that I just said call 911 not knowing what he meant. Of course this was probably him asking for same, just me give and him take.

So anyway so far I’ve just ignored his phone calls and texts so far. When we worked together at “The Show” he often expressed irritation when I won’t get back to him and will confront me at work the next day. It’s as if I owe him my time, which, he really doesn’t but he was angling something during the two years we had actually worked together. I allowed myself to think of him as a good friend except he had an agenda of sorts.


Want to know the two first questions he asked me when I first met him. This was a bit unprovoked, out of the blue and shows that he wastes no time “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” Now when I wouldn’t give him an answer it probably gave him an idea. I told him about my background and he’s expressing surprised even with the terms “You just shocked me dude”. He was expressing his more outspoken side, but that question actually offended me, the worst part is that I was driving him home from work in my mother’s car. I could’ve put him out on the expressway….

The second question which for a brief time caused me to keep my distance from him for a bit of time was probably no less than two or three weeks after he started at the theater, “Can I borrow some money”. He gave me a little speech about how he was short and he needed a little something. Like I said he wasted no time.

I told a coworker Henry about it, and his response was to just ditch him. Anthony knew I drove to work that night and was following me around as if he was going to get his cash and a ride home. I feel bogus for it, but I was just offended by him asking for money especially & I outright left him at the theater. He did call me though I never listen to his voicemail. He never brought that incident up to me again though I’m sure he had his questions that I never answered.

He did come up to me once and asked point black confronting me “Why won’t you speak to me?” Sometimes when I express displeasure with something I think he understands I don’t like it, but most of the time he doubles down. Sometimes he complains about my own personality quirks, yet I have to accept his as if he doesn’t have any. For example, he occasionally uses pornographic speech about the women he finds attractive. His willingness to talk about people behind their backs as he’ll make comments about people to me though will express irritation when I do the same thing with him.

Remember in a recent post I ran into a coworker Brandon about a mgr at “The Show” Harve. Well Anthony was someone who worked with him and claimed to have helped him get the job at the theater. Harve got promoted real quick and Anthony seemed to have been talking s**t about him, I was like I though Harve was your boy. He never responded though conversely years later when Harve became a senior mgr he was proud of him. As if the s**ttalking never happened, however, if he did it to someone like Harve as it turned out he’d do it to me. Though in my case he would do it directly to my face, not be as nasty about it. In fact it would take the tone of a disappointed father, because I would never play it the way he wanted me to.


Kind of like what happened with “Finer Foods” last year. All the sudden he kept bringing up that I could leave “Fresh Foods” and go to “Finer” with my experience and make more money. He brought it up enough times where in irritation I just simple exclaimed over the phone “YOU MUST REALLY HAVE A HARD-ON FOR ME GOING TO FINER FOODS!”. He backed off and just said “no I’m just saying”. Then maybe a week or two later he calls me at work I text him a I’ll call you back later then he txts back “Why don’t you come over here with me at Finer Foods? You’ll make more money and you’d be closer to home.”

While I did call him later I avoided talking about it letting him know at that point how well things seemed to have been going at “Fresh”. He seemed to have agreed and he never brought up “Finer” until that 911 text and he asked to borrow some money. We were in a barber shop and he pointblank asks “Are you thinking about jumping ship yet?” I simply gave another excuse and he more or less doubled down saying get an interview, know your worth, see how much money they’re talking. It’s almost as if he never picked up on the fact that I wasn’t interested in jumping ship.

Though I sort of know what’s going on here. He was never making a suggestion, he was expressing an expectation. It wasn’t going to matter what I said about whether or not I was going to change jobs from one company to another. All that mattered to him was influencing me into going into the direction he wants me to go. Perhaps this is always his M.O. even at “The Show” and masked by his own agenda. His own agenda never involved looking out for me when things began to turn the theater job into “s**tplace”. He wanted something and being friendly to me would get him that.

BTW, another reason I haven’t really talked to him was my job situation. If he knew that I wasn’t working right now, he’d go over my head to solve the problem. He start telling me about the opportunities that exists wherever he is. And they may not be the opportunities in my best interest. Then I remember during the course of the streak era his attempts to help me find a job resulted in exactly three opportunities with no offers. He’s 0 for 3…

Actually while it’s been fairly recent, that I haven’t been working my communications blackout with him has been in effect really since the summer. If it wasn’t about some drama in his life he wanted to talk about with me, he wants to talk about money. The last txt from him last summer was updating me on stuff I already knew with a promise from him to pay me back the money he borrowed. I did call him not long after that left a voicemail and he never got back to me. Every now and they he’d say something on my facebook or instagram and one of those posts I just deleted because it irritated me.


From Nightcrawler

Finally the last time I called him was about “Deranged Barney” an encounter which I consider a trigger. That’s not someone I ever want to encounter again because my behavior would backslide into the negative as my goal is to never do that again. So anyway, instead of letting me talk this out his first instinct upon asking him “Guess who I ran into today?” His response was “D.B.?” He’s needling me about Mr. Deranged now, it’s been too much of running joke to him and not sensing how not in the mood I was for his teasing he goes into “You really need to let that go”. Instead it was like I’m a bad guy for not wanting to talk to him.

So he wants me to have a vested interest in his drama which are his children. For example the money he borrowed was for his son’s medical expenses. He gave a whole story about how he was asking for money in his family and he really needed me to give him some money. My form of cutting this off which didn’t work was I offered $20 as cold as it is to say this had nothing to do with me. In silence he just quickly shot back man you know you can give me at least $100.

The other drama he expressed to me a year earlier was he told me of an incident involving one of his daughters who he orchestrated a job at “The Show”. Apparently one of the senior mgrs decided to put their hands on his daughter and there was a bit of a drama with that. Since her daddy can involve himself in almost anything, he of course involved himself in this incident with his daughter – and with his counsel rightfully. He expressed anger for a time after this although with him knowing the senior mgr in question he talks about her like a dog but still expressed a pornographic interest in her.

So all the same, not a quandary. He’s given something to talk about on this blog and also I had a nice vacation from him. He might have been as responsible for it as I am, however, now he wants to be back in touch with me. It’s OK if a friend wants to talk to me, but problematic if it leads into, “Hey sorry I haven’t been in touch with you for a bit, however I really need something from you”…

When she shoots her shot

One of the guys I met in college shared this song by Alicia Keys “You don’t know my name” on his instagram page. He shared in four parts and in a meme format with the caption “when she shoots her shot first”. Hmmm, then I hear the song and to be honest it struck me as creepy.

Perhaps I’m making more out of this than I should. If the right girl comes along, but you likely don’t notice her so then she tries to get your attention. Why is this, because perhaps she knows she’s interested in you? Perhaps it’s more of a case of she wants to see if you will go for it. Meaning you can either go for it and still be left with nothing or you don’t go for it and you’re an a**hole. Ex: Candice.

All the same this video starts off well enough she uses a business card to contact this man who comes into this diner perhaps for coffee or breakfast. She’s instantly taken with him and sees his business card. She calls him up and strikes up a conversation, strangely enough he never seems to respond and she’s just responding to whatever he says. Wait that doesn’t make any sense right? That’s because at the end of the video even though she’s making out with the man she got in touch with, it turns out it was all a day dream he’s gone from the diner, and she doesn’t realize his business card is in a fish bowl waiting for her to grab it.

See that’s why he never appears to say anything when she talks to him on the phone. She never took her shot it was all imagined. He’s another man whom she may or may not ever see again. I meet a woman like this – who’s very forward and shoots her shot – well I don’t respond to it well. I’m guessing most men won’t for the most part. The reverse happens with men of course, there are women I like upon seeing them – even if I know little about their personality – then I never see them again!

I asked a friend of mine about a video I showed him about those professional women (a production of the now deleted mgtow 101 YouTube channel). There was one woman who was talking to a man – outside of her race – the convo was going well but ultimately they parts and she’s left wondering “WTF happened?”. One of the girls outright suggest that she asks for his number, she says no. It’s hard for her to make that move because women expect to be pursued. And if she did shoot her shot, she could still be seen by a man not used this behavior as a “flake”.

To be honest, I hate the idea of the pursuit. Perhaps it’s easier if say I really was a hunter, which I’m not all the same I have to catch a prey. Perhaps a rabbit or a deer that’s what I call hunting and the interesting part is that you shoot your shot with the prey. Get your rifle make a kill and you have dinner or more accurately that satisfaction of a successful hunt. In this case when it comes to romance, dating, or sex hunting is a little different and the results could hurt your self-esteem. Perhaps no one likes the feeling of not being wanted even in a romantic/sexual sense.

As a guy have to put my feelings in my pocket with a woman of course when things don’t go well and then that becomes hard. It’s always about finding the right woman who suits you best. It’ll never be about a woman who you have to continuously bow down to because she said yes and it’s not worth finding someone who suits you best. Or at least it should never be about that.

With that said everyone is different. A man could give in to a woman who shoots her shot. Perhaps it works out and they have a lasting relationship, which is never a bad thing. On the other hand, you could shoot your shot and force it with the result being a backfire which has happened of course. On the other hand if you don’t try something that enables you to have that relationship bottom line is that you’ll never know.


NOTE: I had published this post and then edited it because there was a video here that aptly highlighted my feelings as far as my love life. Unfortunately that YouTube channel mentioned in the rest of this post has been deleted. Perhaps I’ll find that video and post it later, meanwhile after publishing this post and realizing video wasn’t available had to take it down right quick and then edit this post. An earlier video posted here on this channel therefore no longer works as well, shame. In some parts of the internet free speech doesn’t rule anymore. 😦

I’ve been doing some research on “mgtow” or men going their own way for a while since posting that video in december about those single professional women from a YouTube channel mgtow 101. My observation is that many of those men who go their own way have at some point actually been burned by women and this is not something I can safely say. To further clarify perhaps they were burned by women they were in relationships with at some point in their lives.

In my case all I can say is the women who I’ve liked had rejected me with a case in point with Nicole. For the most part my story has often been I’m too slow to make my move and only opens the door to other men to swiftly come & get her. It happens unfortunately though there are other factors that truly lie within self.

As for why I’m interested, I’ve been “mgtow” all my life. I never chased women with very few exceptions, and there have been opportunities that I never took up. Only recently have I got myself into a position where I can do as much focus on self as possible. Still “mgtow” offers something that perhaps I wasn’t getting.

If you remember Anthony, he takes great stock in my hooking up. He really wants me to have some female companionship. When he gets to thinking about nothing else I do in life is worth it if there is no companion in my life. My theory is, he’s lonely himself and often on the prowl but in reality other than his own progeny, there really isn’t a companion in his life. Well there are pics of women he claims to have f***ed, but then to be honest I don’t want to hear it.

All the same, I often stated how once upon a time my virginity was a choice. I didn’t want to have sex until marriage and didn’t want children until marriage. This wasn’t entirely a religious conviction, but certainly something that felt right to me at one point in time. The only caveat is that I never dared to get to know some of the ladies back in high school or college.

Conversely women fought to not have their worth attached to that of a man. And while I also see some aspects of “mgtow” swears off any relationships with women, I generally won’t go that far. If the right woman comes along who suits me best and my mindset is where it needs to be, believe me I’m game.

As of now, my goal just has to be continuing to work on self. If a woman notices not that I’m a hard worker, but that i have some qualities that she’s looking for then I hope to be that man. Perhaps I’ll have that direction she wants to see, perhaps she sees that I want something out of life and wants to be part of it.

Meanwhile anyone who only wants to see me get out there and chase p***y just to say I’ve had a woman are themselves deluded. They seem to have a warped idea of what they want out of life and while it’s OK to live women and want to get with them, they surely want more out of life than attend to the whims of a woman. My goal was never sex even back in the day, I wanted something from a woman it was certainly a connection that sadly I never got. Perhaps it was because I never tried, perhaps my expectations were much more than observing from many of the women I interacted with back in the day.

Meanwhile my strategy as of now is to go my own way. Find the activities and hobbies I enjoy doing and perhaps that woman will emerge who suits me best.



Got a rough timeline as far as when Ruthless Roger quit his job at “Fresh Foods” and when Larry interviewed and ultimately got the job. While I’m not blaming Roger entirely for my firing which was the result of built up tardiness that got me hit with an attendance probation, he’s the one that I could say allowed it to happen. While I’m responsible for my tardies, I’d have respected him if he had even attempted to excuse that last tardy with the delay slip from the transit authority. Either way now he’s no longer the dept mgr I have to worry about.

These events happened within the span of a three week period and remember I just found out about these turn of events last weekend. Sometime in January, Roger was said to have quit possibly after a demotion. Of course as happens in large corporations presumably the job had been posted and opened the door for Larry to apply and interview for the now open dept mgr position. Just recently say within the past two weeks Larry interviewed and got the job that same day.

This helps solidify my thought that Roger’s bosses realized he wasn’t working out for my former dept at Fresh Foods. It was a rough time noticed even by the boss I had from when the store first opened, while I didn’t want to be downright negative with him I rightly stated that the new regime (i.e. Roger and his mgmt team) is why things in our dept was rough. Say at that point – before firing – that things just weren’t going well for yours truly at that and little did I know upon seeing my former boss that soon I won’t be working for “Fresh Foods”. I was under the gun or certainly on the brink, but if only I had a crystal ball.

All the same, I’m out of the door and Roger as it turns out was on his way out a bit later. Larry was waiting for that position to open up and store mgmt was looking to bring him in. And funny thing is, I wasn’t sure it would happen the store Larry had moved onto become a dept mgr was said to be closer to home for him. However, what I expect is that Larry has the experience as a dept mgr that in reality Roger didn’t exactly have even with being an assistant manager at the store where he came from which was also a strong store. It leads me to believe Roger was set up to fail.

Now with that said a lot of us who worked in that dept under Roger were somewhat bristling under some of the changes that were taking place. I know I was having been moved from receiving under BS reasons he needed to post for another associate buyer although we already had one because this was how it was supposed to have been done and he needed to do it before they just took it from him. It was an odd explanation, but I let it be if he had straight up said it was about the attendance – which effectively kept me from applying for the associate buyer job – I’d have accepted that. Unfortunately he just gave what I consider a BS excuse to not go forward to allowing me stay in that role it was an indication as far as how he was going to manage. Reality though I started realizing how I wasn’t feeling him & perhaps he wasn’t feeling me either.

I should note even after the probation he was all set to allow me to be the dept receiver. I was supposed to have gotten access to the systems I had largely waited all summer to finally get. This means I could really do some buying and not really need anyone around me to do these tasks at least on a slow day. Didn’t happen and he didn’t keep his word and probably more important I never stayed on top of him. Also remember I heard through another colleague that the person who replaced me on receiving should’ve gotten a raise and he didn’t get one. So just like he didn’t follow through for me to only get the position, he evidently at the time I heard this didn’t follow through on the raise for that colleague.

I recognize that I hadn’t been the only one many in the dept were feeling the way I felt. Granted it might have been only a handful, however, it was rough on a lot of us. Also bear in mind during this period we began to get short staffed because in part a lot of people had been let go – likely initiated by Roger who used the book to get them out or he found a way to let go of the seasonal people hired before he arrived – and certainly because many had quit. Perhaps they saw that he wasn’t the type of manager we had been used to and they chose to bail before they became a target. Something I should’ve done before he officially took over, there was another store that I should’ve been looking at for sure.

What I began to realize at least before I left that store was that Roger may not have been a good fit for that store. He came from a larger dept at a larger store this is the first time he was in charge of a whole dept experience wise. To start as the team had been composed before I departed he just didn’t mesh well. Now I recognize there are ways to handle it and he certainly took advantage of this especially using the book to do so perhaps there might have been signs for his bosses to realize he really wasn’t working out. Perhaps the sales were good and all the other measures for that dept, however, if his associates weren’t that motivated under him aside from fear of write-ups perhaps for his bosses that was a problem.

I had been upset about what happened with me for a while up until the time I learned he had been demoted and quit his job. Then I had to turn around and realize Roger had began to fulfill his mission, he was very by the book and set out to run the dept that way. It was his job to just stir the pot so to speak and shake us out of our routines. That was his mission and as far as success, well because he quit without a two-week notice it’s a mixed bag now.

As far as Larry what to expect. Well Larry is coming back to run the dept I had worked for at “Fresh Foods” that experience I see as a plus. Also he had moved up fairly quickly during his stay at that store moved up from supervisor to assistant mgr to dept mgr. He probably will mesh well with whoever of the original characters that are still there. Hopefully he’ll be very keen to bring me right back once he arrives to take over next month. Furthermore whatever odd changes that Roger made, I would expect Larry to undo most of them. Larry may even decide the changes never made any sense, unless store mgmt decided they never made sense anyway.

Either way if when I return, perhaps I’ll see the transition. I can see what Larry does with that dept and see if it’ll be much better than under Roger. Perhaps he won’t be that much different, at this point all I can say is he will get a chance with me. Otherwise, I’d be very happy to go elsewhere for the right opportunity. Like I said, I will figure this out and of course do what’s right for me and that includes the attendance. The next time I write about “Fresh Foods” hopefully it’ll be because I’m back at work.