My pants came off

As far as looking forward to having my pick as far as online dating. The formerly unfortunate virgin male (yup he lost it a while ago) informs on what you can expect. He had the right formula, go out and meet people. Hopefully he still does that.

However the many dates he goes on using various online dating apps such as Bumble are very entertaining. He know what turns him off, what turns women off, he knows if someone isn’t interested, he knows when to go in for a kiss, he just has some experience with this dating thing. One thing is still true dating is still hard, but for him he continues to plug away.

Hopefully he will find love….

The (Formerly) Unfortunate Virgin

For a hot minute I thought I was going to get laid again, I really did.

I made a snap decision to rejoin Bumble a few days before Christmas.  However I was tiring of the crap I was wading through and I remembered my hookup over the summer. I could do that again, I thought.  I definitely missed sex.  And while I’d ideally like to find something serious, if something like that came along I’d definitely consider it.  So I posted a picture of me in a holiday suit, declared I wasn’t looking for anything serious,  and joked about having a Red Room of Christmas, donning a Santa hat and engaging in elvish kinkery.

#56
I created my profile at 8 in the morning, and within a couple hours I already had an interested party.  She was 28 and lived a few miles away in my old hometown.  We met…

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Boundaries

chain linked fence

A fence around my boundaries

It would be tedious to do something of a rehash of my former “friendship” with Anthony the hustler. I would’ve retold one story and then told another one that was largely in the same vein. What you have learned is that Anthony will attempt to crack a door open and then he will try to come right in. I don’t think he can help it…

For the many years I’ve known him my failure was to enforce my boundaries. Perhaps it was his martial arts training combined with his sociopathy, he just has to look for a weakness to attack. He found many, he was looking, and what was his aim it was for his own benefit. Everything he caught himself doing for me as far as jobs, mentorship, etc. was really about him.

Him needing to know whether or not I’ve lost my virginity would in the long run become an edge (I’ve never definitely answered that question but often I try to make it clear with silence that he’s out of line when he wants to go there). He knew to call me when he needs something. If it’s not about money it’s about doing a job application for him. And of course when I look to him as support as a friend, he sometimes has the tendency to add more stress if I want to address one situation he brings up something else that also was a problem.

Remember last month when I sort of “freaked” when he called me and left a voicemail. Perhaps I’m still not certain how to play this. At the same time what I’m sure of now in the new year is that with him there needs to be rules of no engagement. Someone suggested no contact, and I will listen. I won’t tell him off, because I think very little will come of it. It might just go through one ear and out the other and he may go back to the behavior I found troubling. And to start the begging was troubling enough and of course this has to go for everyone. No one will be my friend for long if there is a tendency to beg.

I want to admit something to you all. When he called me last month to let me know he had a “question for me”, I think I know what it might be about. Remember I had ran into him after over a year in his security uniform at a local hardware store. I went to that store just to browse and I figured if I ran into him fine. Since I was without my mother on this occasion, I think it was possible to let loose on him although he might be ready for it.

On the other hand I was really in no rush to run into him. I was about to leave the store until I saw a security vehicle pull up close to the entrance that I was trying to exit from. When I saw that I quickly changed course walked around the store, even went to the bathroom and hoped that once I was ready to walk out he would be further along in the parking lot that he had been patrolling. Once I determined that he was far enough away I drove off and as far as I know he never saw me.

Then the next day after that he calls me, no indication as the question he wants to ask. And since his contact isn’t entirely welcomed I didn’t answer and I waited a few days to answer his call. As far as the question since to this day he has yet to call me back, I’ll never know what he felt the need to ask me if at all. It definitely wasn’t urgent, but knowing him he won’t understand the lack of urgency in calling him back. And while this isn’t the first time I avoided him especially via phone and certainly in real life, I know that this is a problem for him.

So as of now I’m committed to no contact. That means I’ll start removing him from my various social media profiles. He truly is a virus he’s connected to a lot of people from “The Show” even people he didn’t like or complained about. It’s as if he knows everybody and yet no one really knows him or at least the way I do. What sucks in this case is he’ll just mark another target for his needs, but right now the focus is to not allow myself to be his target again.

I expect that there will be no final showdown. If there is, I expect that it might be more stressful considering the person i’m dealing with. Perhaps I may have to actually tell him to “buzz off” and leave me alone – and he may or may not listen. Also consider that if I won’t answer the phone for him he has little issue trying again he probably believes I would answer the phone for him. Then again it’s been over a year since I’ve really talked to him, and often I say that we’re both responsible for that communications blackout.

Finally I want to share this video which informs some aspects of this post and other posts. Some of what I saw in this vid fits him like a T and now I can’t look at him the same anymore. He said once I know how it goes before you do, and now without really trying that hard I understand something about his behavior.

As I hoped to say a few months ago, perhaps this will be the last time I will talk about “The Hustler”. This time instead of saying “the end?” I’ll just leave it at that.

 

To move up…

 

person holding pen and eyeglasses

Before the turmoil of 2017 I was up for supervisor in my dept at “The Hole” unfortunately I got screened out via e-mail when the acting dept mgr (and no this was before that guy) determined from my responses to a screen that I just wasn’t ready for that role. Basically it helped inform a later post I did with regards to what happened at “The Show” years earlier.

But then again I did nothing wrong at “The Hole”, the opportunity afforded itself I took advantage it didn’t happen. It wasn’t the first and it won’t be the last. Counting interviewing for theater mgr at two theater chains and the three opportunities I took advantage of to move up at “Fresh Foods”. In comparison I’d like to say being a supervisor/mgr at “Fresh” would be better training than moving up at “The Show”. As with what happened with a friend of mine Keith who got promoted after I left I realize that moving up in that company is cut-throat.

I spoke to Keith a week or so ago and we got to talking about our former employer. He told me that the House Mgr while under investigation made a move on his current girlfriend. As I’ve shared one story about him, H.M. is a jerk who’s only role is to placate the young women he desires. Often they’re just aggressive and ghetto and he knows how to deal with them. Sometimes he pursues the ones who already know they don’t want anything to do with him. Keith’s girlfriend evidently was one of them, and since Keith was in hot water it was hard for him to try to get H.M. in trouble.

For my part I realize why being at least a supervisor at the theater just wasn’t likely to happen. It’s safe to say hardly anyone really respected me. There were people who had little issue associating with me and won’t attribute this to bad blood. I will say that there were a lot of people up there (and mostly young) who thought of me as a paper tiger. I don’t want to be an intimidating mgr at all besides there are others who foot that bill more than I would and I’ve seen some examples where that approach backfires. What I will say is that as time went on at “The Show” my brand was damaged.

I can’t entirely know in what ways. I just know that perhaps my approach to being what I thought the mgmt team was looking for wasn’t working. I did try to be take charge in some situations and perhaps I should’ve been more consistent. How do you handle those individuals (as I had run into them overtime) who kind of wanted to whatever you even if you might have been right. I’ve worked with some stubborn coworkers who if they didn’t like to listen to me they didn’t want to listen to no one. Perhaps I should’ve been stubborn, but then again to be a mgr or a leader you have to be a team player.

After a while up there, I wasn’t a team player. Perhaps by some people who had little intention of making a real difference I had been taken advantage of. Often I let them and often mgmt saw my attitude which was as much about the team that was there as it was yours truly. I wasn’t approachable, I seemed on edge and lately others have lauded that I’m a more mellow now and yes that even includes “The Hustler” who can’t help but bring up some of the stress of those days.

It somewhat informs how I would approach becoming a mgr today. So the two mgmt opportunities at competing theater chains, I probably wasn’t ready. Perhaps I needed to be in a far more mellow environment (though in business is there a mellow environment). Perhaps I needed to have more support than perhaps someone like Keith got. And remember what I said about becoming a mgr at “The Show” what often happens is mgmt chooses you – no application, no qualifications, if they choose you it’s yours. Of course what might happen after that is you’re allowed to either sink or swim. You’ll learn some aspects of operations, but  beyond that you’re left to your devices as far as dealing with the associates.

And as I look at it now, some of the mgrs I met at the theater leaves me wondering how they ever got promoted. I’ve heard a variety of conjecture as to how it happened (which could include some unprofessional activities). Regardless as much as I want to think of being a mgr as a fair and even-keeled from the many mgrs I’ve worked with at the theater I didn’t always see it. The coolest one you wouldn’t want paying attention to you, however, he was the most aloof and he’s the General Mgr. And I made a few mistakes that caused me to cross paths with him though rarely including that “dustup” with HM.

All the same, I realize now that I didn’t miss anything and as much as it seems like a what if today I’m glad it never happened. Instead of lasting there almost 5 years if it happened I’d have lasted less time probably. It would definitely have been a fail and it definitely would’ve been because of me. And I’m glad that during the summer of 2014 my mind was made up that if offered a supervisor position there at “The Show” I don’t think I’d have accepted and it definitely was because it was time for me to move on.

Though it took me years to re-evaluate if anytime during my five years if I had been ready. Operations is one thing dealing with the associates was a whole other thing. While I feel as if I’m closer to where I need to me on that front today right now I’m in the I won’t know until I step up to the plate for as much as a supervisory position. And not just at “Fresh” but anywhere.

I’ll never know if I don’t try. And to try also means it’s time to get myself ready. Party of getting myself ready is to just do my job and learn other aspects of being a good supervisor.

Life Cycle

I don’t like to have two “reblogs” right together, but this was a pertinent one. Last year I had to attend a funeral for my first cousin Mandy.

She was doing a treatment for a kidney transplant when she suddenly had a cardiac arrest and lingered on a respirator for a week before she passed. So about a week later I went to a memorial service for her in Indiana.

I wasn’t that close to her, however, since she’s my first cousin and was something of a constant presence in my life for most of my youth this was a blow. Now I wonder how her children are doing…

Well she has a daughter who’s doing OK, but sadly two sons who are dealing with mental health issues. I’m always hearing something oddball about one of them and sometimes I get bombarded with requests for blankets and old clothes for him. He’s in bad shape.

The other, well I saw him at the funeral and was formerly close to him. He seemed OK if not medicated. For some reason I hugged him and told him to stay up. Usually I’m I’ll at ease with people who are suffering with mental illness.

Either was I was reminded of this when on FB another cousin brought this up. They were far more closer than I was to Mandy.

If you click through to the other post, feel free to boost that with some likes!

Feeling No Love

well this post was prompted by news that my first cousin – mandy – wasn’t doing very well. she was waiting for a kidney transplant – she’s had kidney failure for years and always resisted getting a transplant – and she had a serious cardiac arrest while going for a treatment. then i heard over the course of a week she remained on life support.

now i feel quite sh*tty, i don’t really remember the last time i saw her it has been a few years. we weren’t close, however, i knew mandy mostly while she remained with her mother. her mother whom i discussed briefly here has a bit of a controlling streak which as my cuz got older wanted to get away from.

she would try at least in the years she had been apart from her mother – they weren’t estranged as i knew it, but she…

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Is it Worth Being a Jerk?

I’ve been following this blog when I can and will share another post from here that seems pertinent to my blog.

Is it worth being a jerk? My experience has been I have no idea.

For yours truly being a jerk has often backfired. To be honest I could be considered grumpy and usually that’s around family. And beyond that it probably depends upon the job such as “The Show”. I would like to think of myself as a nice guy however I haven’t always acted like one, and yet I can be portrayed as “mean”.

I suppose the answer to me being a “jerk” is very uneven. As a nice guy people will cross my boundaries and as a jerk people can’t stand me. If the people I’ve run into are prone to making snap judgements, then they judge me really quick.

I suppose I have to decide to be a so called bad boy or a nice guy. I’d rather be a nice guy and I’d rather have a less conflicted life with very little drama.

I’d rather not have people I’m at odds with, and instead be around people who like being around me. However if you feel the need to stir conflict then that’s a problem. But then as I seek an available woman this is a challenge worth taking up.

The Functional Male

Do nice guys finish last? Are you better off being a jerk? Well, I’ve already answered this question in various articles to some capacity, but perhaps it would be useful to take a few minutes (or twenty) and isolate the topic. After all—to be honest, I sometimes find myself doubting . . . myself. I’ve usually gone by the philosophy that nice guys do win, but then, sometimes I’ll see something that makes me second guess myself. And then, after awhile of introspection, find myself only reaffirming what I already know. But let’s break it down.

The case for jerks

First of all, there absolutely is some truth to the idea that jerks, bad boys, alpha males, whatever you want to call them, do receive some advantages. Of course, the most obvious is that they appear interesting and confident to those around them. But there are other reasons too.

Have…

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Streak

screenshot_2019-01-10 blog posts ‹ feeling no love — wordpress comI had a nice streak going posted my last post yesterday although I took it down because I wanted to refine it some more. Perhaps in order to have quantity it’s not very important to share a post that really wasn’t ready.

Either way, I have at least 8 straight days of posts and that streak got broken recently. Don’t feel too bad besides it’s not often that I have posts almost daily here. Plus I don’t always have much material to share with you, especially fresh material meaning nothing repetitive.

At the same time I have some backlog of material I would like to share with you which explains the joke I shared a few days ago. So perhaps I have a few more posts in me for this month, however, at the moment I hit something of a rut.

If you have anything you’d like to see my write about, especially, if it’s the main topics of this blog feel free to let me know. I can come up with something, otherwise I can come up with more material or do a few re-blogs as I have been doing so far this month.

This place is open and as always I can use some feedback…

Joke

people at theater

Years ago on the floor at “The Show” a coworker named Henry told this joke as we were ushering one night. I’m telling this joke my way as well his joke was a tad more involved as he told it. It was as if he witnessed this right in front of him when the picture Snakes on a Plane came out.

A couple where at the box office trying to figure out what movie they wanted to see. The girlfriend was looking at the movies on the board and sees Snakes on a Plane and then asks “What’s that about?”

The boyfriend seemed annoyed with that question smacks his lips and then states “It’s about boats!” They started arguing after that.