To like or not

how-to-add-facebook-like-button-to-blogger-postsI’ve never entirely gotten a handle on the whole liking thing. My experience with liking is that either a woman likes you or she doesn’t. While you may have decided that you do she may be talking to you on a friendly basis and already made her decision based on whatever she thinks she’s looking for.

Sadly it has happened to me more times than once and most of the time with disastrous consequences. This are things that I have mostly sought to learn from even though it is often very difficult. Perhaps in those cases the women weren’t for me.

As a man there are women I’ve already decided are attractive enough for me to like in some way especially romantically. I can also decide well I shouldn’t mess with her she has a boyfriend or she gives me the crazy vibe I shouldn’t. Bottom line is that believe me I have been caught looking.

Of course the issue is whether or not it’s worth going for it. Cold approaching women will always be difficult for me, I could be used to talking to women whom are coworkers or fellow students. And of course they’re looking for who they’re looking for, but the challenge is becoming or changing what they think they want in a man.

One night I saw a semi debate over dating websites. It was in the news recently that a site that allows singles or perhaps people in relationships to engage in affairs with other singes or others in relationships had been hacked. The thing about these sites is that well they definitely enable people who wish to be in a relationship to find someone so that they can.

I’ve found this more comfortable although granted you can be seeing a representation of what anyone views themselves. All the same, I found electronic means even if it’s just a social media website as more comfortable than cold approaching. In other words cold-approaching online instead of in person on the streets.

I suppose the question I need to consider is how do I take these various approaches to the next level. How can it ultimately become the one thing I have been looking for? Which is a relationship especially a romantic relationship that leads to sex?

Girltalk

Girl TalkIt’s funny how women can just casually talk about people in generally, especially those they have some types of issue with. In the break room one of my supervisors and a woman from another department casually talk about a guy that comes in to help us out from time to time.

The woman from the other department talks about how she’s trying to stay cordial, but this guy keeps trying with her. She already knows they’re not compatible and noted that he’s used to getting his way. Still he’s not getting the hint that it’s not going to happen.

All this woman said was, he works in my department at a different location. The supervisor picks up on who it is and says his name. At this point – thankfully my back is turned – my jaw dropped to the floor hearing about him.

To be sure, he’s a nice guy who’s very good at his job. When I first started working with him, I can’t say I cared for him much. He’s very take charge, very hyper, and yes he knows what to do in a lot of situations. Since I don’t really have work with him often it’s really no big deal we can just work business as usual when he’s gone.

So then they really got to talking about him. Their convo indicates that they really don’t seem to like him that much. Or more accurately they don’t like how he is, for example he can be real touchy they say. The only thing I can say that means is he gets too close to them or he touches them and they don’t like it.

So now it brings to mind how some women have been towards me. Sometimes what they’re thinking comes to the forefront in the worst ways. Most of the time I’m not even thinking about them and yet wow I’m the worst thing ever. Perhaps it’s not exactly like that, but sometimes it’s difficult for me not to think in those terms.

So in other words, women talk to each other and share information about men. Unfortunately depending on the women, they may otherwise act on this information. It may have little to do with the man, but they will find a way to use it against a man fair or unfair. There isn’t much anyone can do about it other than let them talk.

The cousin

9TpkanjTEOriginally this was a second part to another story that I ultimately decided not to share. It was a story about my attempt to make moves on a young woman I had met at school – whom we shall call Nicole. My attempts with her was simply a train-wreck and didn’t end well. In fact, someone I didn’t know had to tell me to back off of her and I did disappointed though not that surprised considering how my attempt was going.

This story was dealing with the aftermath of some of the bad moves I made back then. One of which was talking to family and you never know who’ll get the news and who might decide they’ll try to see what’s what. It happened and the person in question was a cousin – we’ll call her Natalie – with whom I’ve rarely had contact with or better yet we seem to have random run-ins.

Now just so that this won’t be a post where I’ll just discuss the negative about her, she’s generally gregarious and the family basically cares for her greatly. Also she generally had a rough childhood however she’s developed quite nicely. My cousin is a wife and mother and her occupation is in health care. She definitely has her positives but we’ve never really had a positive relationship.

Better yet, because we seem to have these odd infrequent run-ins I generally won’t allow it and at times she may show how she just doesn’t understand. There are more outspoken family members, her way is just with the look on her face showing her disapproval and generally says very little until an more outspoken relative decides to point it out. I’ve started to realize this was quite unfair because I’m not sure what just happened, but whatever.

A few months after my failed attempt with Nicole, my cousin visited my mother at home. This was exactly the weekend I returned to Chicago from school. My cousin had been in town visiting her relatives and her in-laws. When she came over she brought her young son along.

My mother used to complain about the fact that I don’t enjoy speaking to people and on this day had the need to rip me away from what I had been doing in the other part of the house to speak to Natalie. Her excuse was to show footage I had videotaped from the previous year’s family reunion and she told me to bring laptop with me when she came to me she complained again that I need to come up and speak.

So I went to the living room with laptop, and Natalie immediately got very excited to see me – that’s how she often seems to be. Basically just before I set up the laptop she basically starts a rapid fire series of questions such as “how’s school?”, “how are the grades?”, “how are you?” sort of questions which for the most part I only answer OK. Trying not to really have a full on convo, but surely the message here was not in the mood stop!

She finally asked me something different and it wasn’t one I could only answer either yes or no or OK to, “what’s your major?”. I tell her my major but she didn’t follow that line of questioning and decided to make this statement, “i heard you got a little girlfriend!” At that point I was like no, NOT you, NO!!!!!

To be sure there was some form of drama there, but it wasn’t something I really intended to share with anyone. Other than I suppose some of the friends at school, but she decided to go there and had no problem with it. Needless to say when she made her statement there was dead silence in the living room.

Nat: You didn’t know about that?

Me: No!

Nat: *forces herself to laugh* I’m serious! What’s her name?

Me: *continues to focus on laptop in dead silence*

Nat: So you’re not going to tell me?

Me: There isn’t one…

Nat: There isn’t one? *sits back on the couch ending convo*

At that point I hurry up and leave the living room. My mother was sitting there in dead silence herself and seemingly uncomfortable. I estimate that whole attempt of a convo was roughly 30-45 seconds. She got excited, got started, and likely got let down quick.

My mother hadn’t forgotten and just told me off about it later. She claimed to have never seen anything like what she saw on that afternoon. In her opinion I was just ruthlessly cold to her, later my explanation for most of that performance was that she walked into a forbidden subject for which I was not going there with her. In some cases my mother just simply said I could’ve just made up something.

Later on Natalie’s son runs through the house and I look out of my room seeing what was going on. She came and grabbed him hitting me with that same disapproving look she tends to give. It could be attributed to my cold answers to her a few minutes earlier. Or perhaps there was an uncut version of the reunion video that she saw and was never intended to be seen.

Who knows, but at this point she wasn’t too thrilled with me and it was a double whammy in this case. As for the future, Natalie is not exactly the type that would continue to hold a grudge. I might make her angry today, but tomorrow she’ll probably try again and be as friendly as she attempted to be on this day.

Work

workpunchin-599x400I recall last year that I spoke to a younger coworker at my then job at the cinema. He wasn’t too happy with the response of a coworker asking about when our theater was ready for seating. He asked about why people do what they do.

We both shared on some level our frustrations with our then employer. We weren’t making any money and we had not much to gain by staying but a paycheck. Then I came up with a profound answer although I’m not entirely certain I answered his question.

When I left the cinema my next job was at a bank. If I had been miserable at the cinema as time went on it turns out I’d be more miserable at the bank immediately. It occurred to me how comfortable I had been at the theater.

It had been said by others who had worked with me and have ran into or kept in touch with. What they based their opinion on, hard to say only they know. What they know was that they’d check on me and see that I’m still at the cinema. What they never realize was that I was frustrated because I was having difficultly getting out because no job was coming my way in spite of the many interviews I had.

So anyway I was definitely griping about my then current job and no prospects were coming my way. Sometimes the actions of others whether bosses or coworkers you can’t control, but one reason for my frustration was certainly their actions. They wanted to do what they wanted to do and get on top of what they wanted to. One thing they never really got on top of was what I call sniping, coworkers telling management about other coworkers. They never seemed to discourage that and fellow employees did it quite blatantly.

Regardless at some point my decision was to leave and it helped that many of the better workers started leaving. If they were worth more than minimum wage they realized it wasn’t worth sticking around and that was true for me as well.

My profound point made to my young coworker is that if you want to continue to get away with some of the activities that’s been going on there, stay there. Stay there and not get much out of it other than you’re getting away with things. Anywhere else and it won’t be long before they get you out of there because it’s not so easy to get away with them.

To be sure my experience at the cinema I haven’t exactly gotten out of my system. I may continue talking about it for a while even if it doesn’t matter anymore. If nothing else if I ever get a management role I know what to do to find ways to keep people happy. Not that everything has been hashed out in my mind, but it’s something I’m interested in and yet have little experience with it.

Not long before I finally let my job my young coworker found his way out. He kept the job for a while but really stopped caring about coming on time. Eventually he stopped coming in, and seemingly he followed one piece of advice. You found another job go ahead and quit! Especially if you began to dislike the job you already have.

Opening?

1301006255542685616open door-mdThe young woman who I’ve been working with for most of the spring and summer is moving on. I wrote about her in the post about the hug. Not a dramatic hug as depicted in there just a simple friendly hug that I took at one of her last days with us. No over thinking here and she knew this is what I wanted since when was the next time I’d get the chance.

Also I wrote about another young lady I work with on two separate occasions. She works in a different department from me, very friendly giggly and has the body. I wrote not long ago that she somehow gives me the crazy vibe.

Tonight was different somehow…. At the job being a good coworker is the key thing, that means don’t dirty up an area someone just cleaned. So she approached me about her area and being forced to clean up at the end of the night where they’re ready to go home. And I consider that we have on some level sent some debris to their area to keep ours clean.

Surely I wasn’t at the center of it as I would never sent any trash to their department if I can help it. So she approached me on it. It’s not often she comes to me for anything and we rarely speak to each other. Perhaps something that should change although I also wrote about slipping a anonymous note in her locker.

At the end of the night even if we’ve cleaned out our area I found the opportunity to do as much sweeping as I could back towards our area and throw it away to be a good coworker. That’s even though we don’t really work in the same department, just in the same vicinity.

Either way I only promised her to do my part as I’m sure I wasn’t responsible for all of it and she made clear she wasn’t attempting to go on the attack as some can. She didn’t see all that I attempted to do at the end of the night but she saw me sweeping and thanked me. So perhaps I’m on her good side for the moment.

Now the virgin in me starts to wonder….is this an opening?

Hugs

how-to-draw-people-hugging-from-behind-the-backTo be sure I’m not considered a hugger by any means but the idea bells rang in my head upon seeing a coworker somewhat aggressively hug a young lady at work. He just went up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

He didn’t speak to her apparently earlier that day so he more than made up for it to her delight. It gave me an idea because I would have never thought of it. I asked her if I could get away with what he just got away with.

She didn’t get it at first but she figured it out…”hug me?” she says with a smile and twinkle in her eye. Unfortunately another coworker saw that a customer was waiting and unfortunately my hugging attempt had to wait. I told her I’ll be back to get my hug.

To be sure this was only a hug, and she does have a boyfriend. I was very excited and nervous about this. And this was one of those things I started to overthink. My concern was would I find myself crossing the line with this young lady.

She giggled through the hug at least when I first asked her  and she didn’t turn me down then at least. Besides if she wasn’t feeling it that would come out. I asked her if she wanted to know why I asked, then told her she was worth it. “Awww thanks”. she said.

I’ve worked with her for five months and unfortunately for me this cute petite girl who’s just so sweet in many ways is going away to school. Friendship is probably the way to go with her, but anything more serious well at least that’s something to consider only in my head for the moment. Her boyfriend I hope appreciates that she’s probably getting a lot of hugs from lots of people who like her!

I told her why I asked her and my answer was “because you’re worth it”. That was before I released my hug. She’s a sweet person and so darned cute hugging her was definitely worth it.