why i abstain from alcohol

f2e32-keep-calm-and-abstaina post from another blog talked about their father. in my case, one reason for me basically abstaining from alcohol was my father. as far as dating and women my dad wasn’t very reliable and that may somewhat explain my lack of success with women so far. most guys learn this from the men in their lives, but i hadn’t had any reliable role models and apparently was not entirely willing to learn on my own.

my dad was an alcoholic and couldn’t stop. there were times he’d stop cold turkey, but there would be a setback and the next thing me and my folks know he’s right back to his regular drinking. who knows what happened as far as a set back, perhaps something came forward in his psyche.

i’ve also learned over the years that my dad was intensely jealous. in fact one time Natalie came by with her soon to be husband and my dad intoxicated fell into some odd jealous rage saying my mother liked younger men. hey dad, my mother just played host to her niece and her then boyfriend….

unfortunately the alcohol claimed his life. my dad ballooned in weight over the years due to his appetite which really grew when he drinks. on top of that he began to develop serious high blood pressure which resulted in a stroke that left him on a respirator for three days and he never recovered before we pulled the plug on him.

i learned at the time of his death that high blood pressure runs in the family his mother died in her 40s as my dad had. not sure if she also had a drinking problem but her early demise surely had an impact on him.

probably one reason my dad ultimately had his issues with my mother and alcoholism was that his parents split when he was a boy. that’s likely why he often feared my mother would up and leave him. he’d have this intense and irrational anger about whatever she did or in the story i just told about who she hosted at home.

another thing i consider as far as my parent’s relationship. they were grossly incompatible as time went on. my mother had goals for her life as she went to night school to earn her degree from a local university. my dad often struggled to even complete a GED something he never accomplished before his early demise.

i just realized that he had completed a certification in auto mechanics. it was something he never seemed to use unfortunately, but he did complete something. unfortunately he never finished the one thing he failed to have done when he was younger was his high school diploma.

my dad had overtime expressed keen interest in returning to his southern hometown. my mother however had decided she’d grown beyond those roots and had little desire to do so.

they began as high school sweethearts and married young. probably stories of a lot of married or divorced people. most of those relationships work out and most don’t. but my feeling was that with my parents their relationship didn’t work as there was such a big gulf between personalities.

another thing to consider is that my mother decided to counteract my dad’s anger and argumentative streak by shutting down. i mean how can you argue with yourself? she had a much calmer demeanor than he did and she would say it helped her out more than it did him.

he needed help for his emotional and addiction issues and sadly it was something that wasn’t meant to be. if he had been more willing to seek help and ultimately quit drinking i’d like to think he’d be a senior citizen and wondering why i haven’t found her yet. and even then perhaps i’d be further along in my life than i have been so far.

besides sometimes i wonder if he had been still around i’d have done some of the things i had wanted to do before he passed away suddenly.


One thought on “why i abstain from alcohol

  1. Pingback: father’s day | Feeling No Love

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