you know i have to really figure out how to get to the heart of what i’m looking for with women. unfortunately with some women you just have to read between the lines of what they want. women value aggressiveness, but it seems they want it only in men they favor.
i’ve talked to women whether directly or online – social networking or online dating. it’s really hard for me to get to the point of “hey i want to go out with you“. that also means they have to be on the same page with you.
either way i think i have held myself back as far as communicating what i want with any particular women. in some cases there are good reasons good precedents in some cases with women i went in one direction only to find that i’m not favored in anyway by them.
so i only can guess with any woman you would have to walk a tight rope and hope that it’s your turn to keep her. in the meanwhile i just need to determine how to get a situation with a woman to turn in my favor. again how to become that him.
i have to become that man or him as is noted by a comment on this blog by GratuitousRex. he made an astute observation on the significance of this her. bad news is that she just won’t fall in my lap very easy.
she would be the one i was looking for although she need not be the one who takes my virginity as much as the one i want to marry. i’ve been waiting but it’s been a very long time and have never dated even as i try to talk to women over the years with few results.
so now it’s time for me to become him the man she wants to be with – although not necessarily for marriage or anything like that. slowly but surely i’m making some necessary improvements to get there including finding a new job as i had in 2014.
i write a lot about work and how frustrated i was with my long-term job at a movie theater. i was going no where and the pay was destined to remain flat at minimum wage there. it became important to find a new job that offered better pay and benefits as it was my hope that this would change some things.
with that being said another big change before the new year 2015 was fixing my teeth. i wrote about this being something of a needed change put off because it cost money and i had no insurance at one point. then i took advantage of a health insurance exchange bought some insurance and by the end of summer of 2014 i could get started doing some necessary work on my mouth.
now i could feel comfortable smiling at a beautiful woman – that’s not to say if she knew i had fake teeth she won’t say anything dumb. i can feel comfortable biting down on food i enjoy – even if i have to still be careful with the bridge that occupies space where my natural front teeth used to be. this was a change a long time in coming and at that a new job wasn’t necessary or even employer provided insurance.
with that said there are other improvements that needs to be made. one of those is a matter of wardrobe but that takes time. perhaps my confidence with women although i don’t want to attract superficial women who can’t look past my physical attributes. i definitely don’t want one who only looks at dollar $igns.
at the end of the day I must become the one that she wants and hopefully she is the one that i’m looking for. i can become the man that she wants, but i still want the woman who can accept me for who i am.
at times i got caught up with one woman and especially one who proved to be promising only to find myself shut out regardless. it’s a disheartening feeling that keeps me from a relationship because sometimes i have no idea what happened. as stated in another post sometimes it doesn’t take much for a woman to say hell no to a well meaning man.
case in point, for the last two days through this dating app i had been talking to this young lady. very beautiful with a nice smile and educated. we seemed to have conversed very well during our exchange.
this was an app where we’d get matched especially if i hit an icon of interest or like. then what did me in was my response to whether or not we should connect on fb. she said she wasn’t a fan of social networking and preferred to get to know people by either meeting them or talking to them on the phone. well i seemed somewhat interested in that and apparently she “unmatched” me. 😦
setbacks like this are discouraging although it’s easier to move on. i can consider that she may never see my face again although she’s only seen an online depiction of how i look. also if she’s just that quick to judge like this then who needs her.
so with online dating or even in person it still takes some form of perseverance with these women. there are lonely women of varying types who shares some of my interests. the question is how will i connect with them and who will ultimately be her?
I sometimes would say that women at varying points would try with me. Question is what happened during those times where I just wouldn’t go for it.
For a long time it was part of my psyche that women didn’t like me. Another part was discomfort in this idea of wanting someone and what I had to do to make it happen.
One time when I was 13 or 14 my older brother told me about the concept of “pussy money”. My brother had been courting various women for many years and at one point had sired children whom he didn’t have custody at that time. Still he did what a young man in his 20s would do.
If I recall I found a nude pic – which wasn’t easily processed by a 10 or 11 year old kid – of his then girlfriend. It never occurred to me that she is seen in bed with no clothes on at all. Seeing her in all her glory and incidentally I remember her fondly though not for being nude. My brother is married now but I don’t view his current wife the same way.
All the same for whatever reason his explanation of the birds & bees fell flat. I wasn’t ready to hear about the game men played for the affections of a woman. I had my own plans for failure as it turns out.
OK before a man gets nookie he has to talk to girl and then find a way to drum up interest. Better yet she may already be interested and then you offer to take her out. And the thing is for any small reason she can come up with she can reject you.
I suppose in my own way I rejected the conventions that men use to attract women or indeed perhaps a woman’s need to accept or reject a man’s advances. Although I realize that it’s put a little too simply.
I’ve only recently became prepared to take a woman out. If a couple starts off it’s often expected they they go out a man or even a woman for that matter can’t expect to simply take a potential mate to their pad and expect something to happen. I can take a woman to a movie although I’d be up the creek if she expected to be taken to a restaurant. Restaurants are not something I do other than fast food unfortunately.
For most of my 20s was spent at school chasing the young women at a college near mine and mostly online at that. I was largely unemployed then so if a woman looked only at dollar $igns I had very little to offer. Perhaps I have more to offer now, but it just depends on what she is looking for in a mate.
In the meanwhile as I still plot how to attract her the only thing I’ve figured is who she may be. As I have a college degree my hope is that she is educated, it wouldn’t matter if she had advanced degrees as much as she is compatible. It wouldn’t matter if she made more money than be because at this point it may be a given.
Next question is what have I been missing so far?
i talk a lot about work, but never about going to school which took up a lot of my time in my 20s. i graduated from an expensive liberal arts school in georgia. it took me some time to finally graduate even after attending a community college for a brief period of time.
as a result of very little financial planning of any kind for school i have significant student loan debt. it’s something that unfortunately i never had a plan to pay off at least with a high paying job that i never prepared myself for. while thankfully i found a job that provides benefits and better pay than at the movie theater it’s still not where i’d feel comfortable paying off my student loans.
regardless i finally graduated with a BA after to be honest almost being kicked out twice for academic performance. it was a triumph after it hadn’t been going well for a while.
to be sure this period never went the way i wanted it to. at one point thanks to money i was forced to leave. then figuring out college financing i was able to return although with more student loans.
another thing that didn’t go the way i had wanted it was my relations with women. i thought i’d find her away at school where my school had an all-girls campus next door and hoped one of them would look my way. well i told briefly one story about that – involving my cousin – and how it went down.
for the most part i used social networking as it evolved during that period of time to approach women. unfortunately it couldn’t be described as a rousing success for me although even today i maintain some online connection to these women.
well i accomplished in small ways two main things in my life graduating from a prestigious liberal arts college and changing from a minimum wage job to a higher wage job. one thing i have failed to do is accomplishing a long-term relationship with her.
believe it or not i’m hitting almost a full year at my current job. last month i signed up for more benefits and just recently i got a raise.
i can still say i’m still not where i always thought i would be at this point my life, but things are looking better. my only frame of reference is making less than double figures an hour in wages and staying there for years. on top of that i was miserable for a variety of reasons that helped me to decide to leave the movie theater.
for that period of time the reasons included relations with co-workers, supervisors, in addition to not moving up and not making more money. it paid the bills that i had, but at the end of the day my goal was for more and it wasn’t happening there. so i left.
now times have changed with a better job that pays more with benefits and opportunities for growth. not sure how much more i could ask for at this point. hopefully year 2 will further exceed my expectations.
i wanted to talk about the first day of orientation. i almost ticked off the store manager when he greeted me and i had little clue who he was or it didn’t seem to get through my half sleep brain. then it hit me who he was and responded accordingly.
he introduced himself and shook my hand as my new boss handed me my orientation packet, he said thank you your welcome. then i realized who he was and made sure i acknowledged. at that point it has been weeks since i had to be somewhere at 8:30 AM so in spite of my attempts to keep myself woke i was not fully alert.
otherwise we got the run down about he company and met the many people some of whom i no longer work with as they left to pursue other opportunities or got fired. otherwise it seems like fun & games almost until it was time for the business.
after two days of orientation at a local university we eventually arrived at our store. to be orientated into our department. and then after that week we got sent to training at other stores. then not long after that it was time to open the store.
i definitely miss those days. i don’t miss unemployment however.