wizard

Wizard_Hat

i’m over the age where i should’ve become a wizard. i reached the big 3-0 years ago without engaging in any sexual relations with any woman.

i thought about joining this site wizardchan. there you will hardly find much info on having relations with the opposite sex after 30. indeed they seem to shun anyone who is looking for that relationship.

besides you will see an unflattering term for a person who is a woman and those persons who seek a social life. well i’m not a woman and my social life isn’t very good at all.

 

normalcy

my mother finally came back home after almost two weeks at a hospital and in physical therapy. he had surgery for a fracture in her hip area and then basically required more physical therapy after that.

it had been a most interesting couple of weeks at home by myself. spent most of that time working. this had been the longest she had been away from home. usually a one week vacation on very rare occasions.

i failed to get a faucet fixed when i got some things mixed up with our handy man. for example i was supposed to get the faucet but i never said i would. and i hadn’t been able to get in touch with him since. so now our faucet has a stream of hot water coming from it.

i finally fixed our doorknob it’s not perfect it’s still loose but better than it was before she went to hospital. the knob had the tendency to fall off all too easily to my irritation. hopefully this will last a long longer. or i’ll need a solution to keep that knob from being loose.

my mother is scheduled to go to the doctors again soon. they’re doing far more than checking on her surgery. she’s of that age where a lot of things are expected to go wrong for her physically. the fracture is just one thing and very unexpected.

other than that the new normal of the past few weeks has returned to the somewhat modified old normal.

Crush

img_0009 I’ve been on the wrong side of a crush on occasion and knowing someone else is going through that is cringe worthy. I could tell you nothing but horror stories about my crushes. Especially the ones where ultimately it either blew up in my face or we just weren’t going to get along anyway.

Tonight one of my coworkers noted that interaction between two lesbians at the job one a manager the other just a worker.  That sounds like all forms of trouble on its face. It’s clear whether or not the manager is single she isn’t going for it and the worker is keeping on with her.

So there is going to be another talk about respect issues here. We’ve already have it and over a variety of issues whether or not I know exactly what they are. In this case I can see this one potentially escalating. Let’s hope not though.

In this case I have no plans on paying much attention to it. I’m choosing to stay out of it whether it’s two women, two men, or a man & woman. It’s something I need to stay far away from and it could get ugly very quick.

In the meanwhile any unrequited crushes on any woman at work or otherwise will have to remain in my mind. Any potential affair will just remain stuck in my very sensual imagination.

Discomfort

discomfort

In light of my mother’s medical issues and her having to go through surgery I realize another thing that problem keeps me away from meaningful relationships with women. She often has the tendency since before and even after her surgery to want to hold my hand. Today when I went to visit her at the rehab facility she reached for my hand again and noticed how not very touchy feely I sometimes am.

This is no surprise to her I stated on this blog before I’m not a hugger. Especially those family members who insist on a hug every time I see them and have this need to force themselves on me because they just have to. But this surgery and my mother’s extended absence from home has brought out this touchy feely need in her that I may not always respond well to.

Since before I startes this blog and even now I’ve looked up anything on older male virgins. Well perhaps anything on virginity with men and women. Could my issue be social anxiety? Perhaps I have intimacy issues (perhaps “love shy“)? Could I be not very approachable?

I also found advice that suggested that if you don’t show interest in someone with whom you have an attraction or whatever then that’s the basic problem also. Lots of questions but uncertainty about the answer.

What I can say for sure is I’ve entered some odd territory her and I’m learning more about myself while she’s gone to rehab.

to rehab…

my mother is finally out of the hospital unfortunately since she had surgery on her hip she had to go to a rehab facility. so she’ll be away from home a lot longer than i hoped she would be. that means more freedom for me although i know how much she wants to come home. she’s still not 100%.

that means when she gets home i have to get some obstacles out of the way. straighten up some things around the house particularly make sure she doesn’t find herself falling on her way to the bathroom in addition going up and down stairs.

another thing about the surgery is that she’s still in pain. it’s been a few days and she’s in pain from surgery especially with the pins inserted into her hip area. her treatment includes strengthening her thinning bones in addition to rehab and physical therapy.

so hopefully in seven to ten days she’ll be out of rehab and back where she needs o be even if she isn’t 100%. right now at her facility she’s forced to have a roommate she’s not happy with. unfortunately she needs to do the rehab right now.

i consider having my own independence. i just live at home, i don’t pay any of the bills around the house other than buy food for myself and her. this has caused me to wonder if it’s time to leave home. although unfortunately it took this for me to come to this conclusion.

stay tuned more good news for later.

 

popping his cherry…

somehow i found this article searching for anything on male virginity. i would like to find such a woman whether or not she’s either old or young.

then again would i feel comfortable being just another notch on a woman’s lists of v-cards she’s helped to punch? something to decide and besides i like the idea of getting my v-card punched by a loving girlfriend.

other than that where have these women been. have they been under my nose all along?

why?

v-is-for-virgin

do i write this blog? by a friend this blog has been criticized as a complaining blog. it could be because at times i complained about a job that i left.

i could just as easily complain about the many women i’ve ran into over the years who for whatever reason treated me like sh*t for reasons only they understand. and many of them have moved on to other targets and forgot all about me.

now i try to keep this blog towards the future and turn the page on many past episodes. i tend to remember things even if many people don’t. it’s clear i may not forget and find ways to bring it up although i be careful with those events that still might make me angry.

so the why i do this blog is just as important as this blog’s general identity or direction. for example could this be considered sex blog or not. either way this blog is about someone who’s getting none at all.

also i want you to consider this recent post by the unfortunate male virgin. the comments have been towards why does he blog as much as it has been why women don’t seem to like him. it has helped me start to evaluate why i tell my story.