theatrics

statelake

a friend of mine whom i’ve hinted in various posts – for example he helped me unsuccessfully find a job away from “the show” or tried to get me into online dating – got me intrigued with another drama. it involves “the show” even though he just like i had long since quit.

in a move i considered counter-intuitive he helped his son and daughter get jobs there. i really wanted to ask what he was thinking in doing that knowing the history we both have up there. he’s a guy who don’t mind standing up to things especially picking the right battles such as the one where a manager put their hands on his daughter.

then he called me one day to ask about the minimum age for both of my jobs which my reply was got to be 18 for both. he was upset because the managers at “the show” seemed to balk at the idea that he only needs to do one position there which is basically just do the lobby.

now this is my thinking and it makes sense. he needs to stay away from the drama which the other kids around his age may bring to work with them. he’s basically a lone wolf if he stays on the floor although he may still have to interact with everyone. either way i think this is the logic behind this.

later he lets me know he got a job with his son at another local theater. in fact we both have a history with this theater located closer to our respective homes as we interviewed with an entrepreneurial outfit for a management position there only to get nothing for our efforts – in my case kicking off a very frustrating period. the situation is much better there with new owners and he still has some connections there so he used them to help get his young son a job there.

still he will have to leave when he becomes 18 because this theater will serve alcohol and the expectation is that he’ll start working at “the show” in the fall. good arrangement but i would rather – if he and i complained about that employer – that he needs not send his children to “the show” for a job.

btw, we mostly complain about the managers and at least many of them have left especially since i left. however they have been replaced by other managers so who knows how much different that place has been without them.

achievement

img_3181recently i look at my wordpress app on my  phone and it was noted that i have achieved my one year anniversary blogging at wordpress. one year and technically i wrote a few posts on my old blogger site. regardless a year ago i moved over to wordpress.

i decided to dip my toe in the world of virginity blogging. of course i’ve talked a lot about things like my work history, my adventures in social networking, etc and all through the schtick of being a real adult male virgin. it seems i’ve whined and complained about things during most of the year and showed how things have changed for the better.

now every now and then when i log onto wordpress i get notifications on different “achievements”. i got x amount of likes on this day, x amount of comments, etc. laudable achievements for a blog that isn’t exactly going viral. in fact it was something that was my intention however it’s something that i’d rather not happen at this point.

all the same, in this whole year i can say that i haven’t had many personal achievements. i can say i got a raise at work for the first time in LIFE. i could say for the first time in life i finally got a full-time job. perhaps i’m much closer to being a “hotshot” manager at a job. great things that have happened for me for the past year and a half. mostly happened before i started blogging.

then i realize how much closer i am to missing my goal – to lose my virginity before i turn 40. to at least find the right woman to ultimately marry – or this mythical her. to become him and be the man who can attract that woman. i realize i haven’t an idea.

well we can explore that in year two. yeah i can still talk about work. perhaps i’ll still talk about the connections with women who could be the ones i want to attract. either way year two won’t be much about the past – as much as i have little issue with dwelling on things. it will be about progress – the future.

opportunities

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a while ago i wrote about opportunities before i left “the show”. one of the last two interviews i had before leaving was for a management position at another film exhibitor at a downtown movie house that i frequent. it came up and got me excited but i later realize that as my time of frustration was winding down it was still there at the time. it was ok that i never got a phone call from them as it turned out the bank gave me a call.

to be honest i have had opportunities at both of my current jobs to move up. i think i have a better guage of what i can expect at my retail job. because i’m rarely at my job at the “new show” ( 😛 ) i’m not sure how that might go. i know i may have a hard time getting proeven if i already have experience working at a cinema.

i’m relatively new to a grocery store environment but i like the company i’m at. has there been issues, of course, the thing is they’ve been handled very well. and thankfully i haven’t been treated badly by anyone higher than me. not to say i should get away with anything, however, it’s not like i’m being treated like a huge liar that can’t delieve what he sells no matter what.

not to disappoint, an opening for supervisor opened up recently bad news is that sometimes i let my worst instincts take over. it may take me time to committ of course while i do that the clock ticked for me to take advantage. by the time i applied it was too late. DAMN! 😦

now remember what i said about it being ok that i didn’t get the job that i thought i would want. the only thing ok about this is that i don’t have to stake everything on it as i would have at “the show”. if it happens great if it doesn’t then at least i still have a great job now.

father’s day

fathers-day

often at work – whether at “the show” in the past or at the store – i would get subjected to happy father’s day. remember i’m a “mid-30s virgin” which means i’ve never sired any children. wishing me a happy father’s day is a bit of a mis-nomer.

with that being said i had a father – who i have written about here – who passed away years ago. his death unfortunately was due to his alcoholism and his unwillingness or perhaps inability to beat his addiction. the alcohol damaged his body in more ways than one.

i have many pictures of him at home. a picture of him as a young man. a picture of him during the 1970s. and pictures of him during most of the time i knew him. he was a skinny young man and gradually became an overweight to obese middle aged man.

i wrote of his emotional issues. he had been an angry man for most of the time i knew him. he could be ok but something would happen and he’s often in a bad mood. sometimes having a nip of seagram’s gin would make it much worse.

at work today i’ve told some people after being asked about father’s day plans that my dad’s dead so no activities other than not drinking – which isn’t that unusual anyway. the thing i did to mark this day was show a picture of myself and my dad during different times on my fb page.

as much as i do look forward to one day being a daddy i realize that if i have the issues my dad had this may not be the best thing for me. i’ve learned one lesson from my day to avoid alcohol. i’m still trying to learn more lessons from him…

the scene

movie-camera

the scene i want to show starts with me going to my interview heading into offices that appear to be closed as it’s after hours. until i find someone to ask about my interview. then we quickly flashback literally to the day before.

the day before i had gotten fired from the bank. no dialogue other than one of the branch managers saying “Jack, can I have one word with you?”

then all the principals of this scene go into an office where the door closes and then we go back forward to the next day. it’s after hours and i’m about to have an interview. a little nervous because i feared that i may have lost the job before i got it. ah well.

questions for the interview of course there are questions about experience. also questions about my hobbies and what are my passions. questions about my view of what the company is about and what they offer. in addition we talk movie theaters as that’s where most of my background is. just some points to write-in dialogue. what you should get from this is that the interview was a success as it turns out.

only thing is….it’s ambiguous as well we won’t see the hiring. we just see the smiles, the handshake, and then perhaps a security guard saying you got the job – a gut feeling. and then based on the notion of they want me to interview with other people.

in the meanwhile we flashback to the bank branch. i was walking from the facility for the last time. you see the virgin walking away from the inside not looking back.

a bad ending and a new beginning. sometimes i really enjoy thinking about that instead of the negative things. it’s something i hope to share in a video form one day.

oblivious

denial

sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman  for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.

i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.

for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.

i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.

what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.

sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.

sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.

it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.

background part 2 


i’ve never really discussed much about my work history although my education history for what it’s worth. probably not an important story of a mid 30s virgin, but it’s part of the story. perhaps it’s one reason why a lot of the women i would’ve liked to date aren’t going for me.

for the most part i never had consistent work in my 20s. i never enjoyed job hunting and didn’t involve myself with it a lot back then. it was really new to me back then more so than it had been when i was trying to leave “the show” over two years ago.

gradually during my 20s i was learning what it took to get the job and target those jobs that would be very likely to hire me. sometimes that strategy didn’t work for me, but as i never really started working until i was 23 it was a sure fire one. even did some networking with a high school friend and found myself briefly in a job i grew to really dislike – and yes more so than some of my time at “the show”.

i probably did what most kids did apply at those places which had nothing but applications to sift through and their pick of them. also i consider the fact that when i was a teenager and through my early 20s people were still filling out paper applications. at one point it was even difficult for me to ask for an application it was almost as much as trying to get a girl interested – granted it was all in my head.

regardless i had been getting some pressure from my mother until i started working for a college bookstore and ironically at my mother’s collegiate alma mater. it was temporary most the jobs in my 20s were temporary in nature. save for one but as stated before i hated that job and was able to quit after a month when i returned to school at the liberal arts college in georgia.

believe me during this period there were women i had my eye on. having attended a community college to the jobs or even women on the streets there had been plenty of action to be had. i just wasn’t of the psychology that these were women i needed to take my shot with.

either way i had no money to play with so that i could truly make some of the changes i needed to make for myself. perhaps i needed to find a good barber, buy some good clothes, wear a nice pair of shoes. it was not very conceivable with a job that only had a duration of no more than a month at least.

i could emphasize pay too the job i have today have me earning more money than i have ever made. yeah it’s not mega bucks but better for the first time since i started working. no more hovering around whatever the minimum wage is in any given year.