nostalgia

state-lake

recently i went by the neighborhood where i used to work – yes “the show”. i wrote a while back that it was no longer my scene as so much has changed since i had worked there. from the target nearby to the shopping/residential complex where the show had been located there are lots of changes.

i dropped by this area for the first time in maybe two months to see some of the changes. a new store coming is coming to the residential areas in addition to some new restaurants.

you may ask why did i come by this area if it’s no longer my scene. well this is done for nostalgic purposes. sometimes i do miss it not the drama mind you, but it proved to be an interesting experience. if it wasn’t for that period and what i learn and experienced in that neighborhood i wouldn’t be where i am now.

in fact the way i see it if not for the many times i went down to the neighborhood grocery store nearby perhaps i’d never successfully have gotten a job with that company today. even if it’s at an entirely different location at least i know what that particular company offers and sell myself according. and to be able to use my connection to this neighborhood to get the job.

i unexpectedly ran into one of my old managers at the old shopping center apparently i was erroneously told that he had quit. he was on his way to work and we didn’t talk long but he offered some updates and talked about what i had been up to. i work two jobs one at a theater and another at the grocery store. if the new theater was better and my answer was it was ok just got a few more things there than i’d have at “the show” he said a lot of the managers have left and told him i was working with one of the other managers from “the show” at the “new show”.

“the show” had their own lounge which served food and i made sure to openly wonder if those new eateries have eaten into the profits for the lounge area. also for a long time theater goers never had to pay for parking they do now. i realize things are really changing at this place perhaps they don’t have the profits they once had.

i always noted that this place was the scene of many odd dramas between myself and the many characters i had the misfortune of working with. many of them i successfully ignored and unfortunately for a long time still was angry with many of them. then i realize sooner or later i had to grow up and let go. one way to let go was to leave and go for greener pastures. there are no regrets on my end about that.

besides if i was still at “the show” i wouldn’t have went on this reunion trip. thanks too paid time off it wouldn’t have happened. i can gleefully say that now i have more than just a paycheck as that’s what was offered at “the show”. and when i stepped out of line was often used against me.

i just realized that i could invite him to go bowling with myself and some other people from “the show”. he wouldn’t have that far to go if he still worked in the general area. it’s something he could accept especially since many of us no longer worked there. though only he knows how he’d respond to an invitation. i’ll put it to someone who knows how to get in touch with him somehow.

Overhead


I have students loans after spending many years at a liberal arts college and finally graduating. It’s likely that this is the main reason that I’m considered broke. I’ve yet to hold a job that would enable me to pay off these debts quickly.

So what’s with this talk of overhead Jack V? Well I have this friend who I’ve hinted at on this blog we’ll call him Anthony. He’s used the term overhead with me however I need to establish what this overhead is supposed to be.

As of this moment I have no children and no girlfriend on the horizon. So essentially no money to spend on anyone other than myself. Also no major bills especially rent, mortgage, or car note. So I can afford some luxury items and if I so chose designer clothes. Or even some other items of great interest such as computers or designer clothes and shoes.

My mother brought this up to me recently during a recent family reunion and threw it out there that I got plenty of money for some of the reasons I brought up above. I bought a nice hat at a gift shop and when we got home saw the price. She said she would’ve talked me out of it judging by the price then turned around and said you got plenty of money.

Funny thing is she doesn’t seem to notice that I’ve been ordering a lot of stuff online for the past year. Have plenty of shoes and clothing lying around the house. And also a lot of new stuff I bought while shopping at regular brick & mortar shops. She has lots more to complain about if that’s what she chooses to do.

All the same, while I do have the challenges of some bills with student loans & credit card bills at least I have the money to do some of the things I hadn’t been really able to do. Like I said already when my mother finally decides to retire from her current job that’ll be when I have no choice but to step up to the plate in my own right.

reunions

my mother years ago went off on me because of the episode with natalie. she has a basic understanding of my relationship history. that very brief conversation with nat gave her a quick idea – i haven’t had much success. so on this occasion she was quick to let me know that.

now i mention this episode with family to note that recently i went out of town to a family reunion. mostly my excuse is that this is a vacation away from home and i get to see another part of the country and in this case it’s not a regular locale that we would go anyway. to be sure this was the first one i been to in years.

and while not being entirely close to my extended family some of my bad habits emerged. i don’t like to be hugged, the talkative ones trying to get my attention, the need to take pics with my need to stay out of the shot, then everyone has their own expectations especially with a mother who isn’t that mobile anymore, etc. i don’t always enjoy these expectations of my other family members.

my mother told me that her first cousin tried to talk to me and i never said anything. which i explained to my mother that if she said anything to me i never received it. in fact i was not aware that she said anything to me. so needless to say my mother said something quick about it knowing about some of my behaviors. although over the years i’ve attempted to explain them.

hell, i told this story once about a coworker who told too much about her personal life. she talked about sex with some dude and this same dude combing her hair. this was not directed at me because we never had that type of relationship it was towards a coworker and i heard it. told this coworker that this was “too much sh*t”.

regardless my way of letting her know i didn’t want to be bothered involved blowing a rape whistle at her. she didn’t always talk to me because i was often a d*ck to her. but i blew my whistle whenever she asked me what time it was. the second time she just shot me this look and stormed off.

on a few occasions with family i make the conversation so one-sided on the other person’s end that well they move on to another person. this doesn’t always work the ones who insist on breaking through will continue. the ones who don’t have the interest or energy will say something quick and stay back. sometimes they just complain to my mother later and usually she’ll tell me.

i’ve learned to stay to myself during family reunions and that often doesn’t stop everyone. they try to figure out what my issue is or stay back which means they’ll force themselves on me and do more than say hello. and i often recoil and give a one-word answer.

regardless for all the good that has happened for me the past year – especially with the job that has given me paid time off which i used for this reunion. then this and my negative reactions to people i’m likely to see only once a year if that.

btw, it has been a few years since i attended a reunion. the last one could be a few years ago when i was at “the show” and here in chicago. i had to work that weekend so i never did any of the events other than a quick trip to a local museum. it was a weird year as it was during that time i worked with candace.

funny part about this was – or not funny if you prefer – my mother wanted me to be part of a group picture. she just worried me into getting into the photograph. well i did but my uncle the self-appointed photographer decided he needed to see me in pic. well i never accepted that and wasted everyone’s time by keeping myself hidden until they allowed me to step away so they could take a group pic. hell everyone even parted in the middle to expose me and i just stepped behind everyone. i was truly a piece of work back then.

letting go


frustration i’ve only recently begun the process of letting go of the many frustrating years at “the show”. as i like to state it was one of my first jobs when i finally graduated from mission college. it provided me with regular income and of course some needed amount of job experience that carried me to the bank, a grocery store, and ultimately another theater.

it was a fun job at first but then at some point reality set in. i feel as if after the first year i was already unhappy as i took for granted that my college degree would enable me to be promoted at least. well my mistake i should’ve been far more forceful even if it meant going elsewhere. i wasted time waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen unless i nudged it forward then towards the end it didn’t matter.

after a decent period of time of filing applications online and quite a few interviews i finally got a job – although ill fated – at a bank. first somewhat high-wage job i ever had although i had been limited as far as the hours i could work. the job that i accepted unfortunately proved not to be a very good fit.

but it did it’s job i quit “the show” finally after going on quite a few interviews with no job offer. during the period between jobs after the firing it felt somewhat difficult and uncertain but it was a short period as i’ve often told umpteen times here.

at least i had one interview to go before the unthinkable happened. and then a bit of a while before getting back to work. if things hadn’t been successful with the other job it’s possible i’d have gone back to “the show” and ask for my job back. though i have to say it would’ve been seen at the time as a defeat. i wanted to leave my situation for that time and only found myself back at square one and perhaps back at a minimum job with no possible prospects of growing.

it’s a road i never had to consider returning to. i’ve learned new skills and have found a new environment. finally it’s time to learn some flexibility and this is something i’m keenly interested in exploring.

at this point i like where i’m at and hopefully to future employers will prove to be a great employee.

 

Back when I was jobhunting

I still dwell on this sometimes – can’t you tell. I spent some time while still at “the show” looking for another job. A job that provides opportunities for growth in addition to benefits and more money. Unfortunately it took two years of rejections and sometimes issues of timeliness when I do get a call.

There were some jobs I had been interested in but just didn’t call back. Some of those are simply what ifs others I let them pass because they were temporary in nature and wasn’t worth it. Or the position I just wasn’t interested in.

For the most part the interviews I did accept for a good stretch of time will be marked as a strikeout or a K. So for a good period of time I had 14 Ks, I couldn’t score a job offer for nothing.

Of course that changed when the job offer came from the bank. Of course we all know how that ended. Regardless it ended a stretch where it seemed like I got an interview and still got either nothing or a “Dear John” letter.

A friend of mine from the job gave me leads that I took advantage of and none of them led to jobs. To start I’d have been a manager at a small local theater chain and after a promising interview to my great dismay the owner took me out of contetion. The second one was at a grocery where he worked went up there for an interview at a day we both agreed on and was turned away because a higher up just showed up for a walk through. This made me even more frustrated.

The last one was at another store where he worked got screened. My friend insisted I’d get a call but to this day I never heard from them again. More time to continue looking to find another option away from “the show”.

So 14 Ks, and one score out of that. Countless phone calls, phone screens, and then numerous e-mails. And the job that ultimately lets me go gives me the opportunity. Gives me the opportunity to finally say deuces to the long-time job which had been the scenes of my frustration.

Strangely enough after 13 rejections after that one job offer, I’m now running 3 for 4. . Including the job at the bank, and my two current jobs. Yeah one interview was a K as I’d have been back close to “the show”, but was worthwhile regardless. Especially during a time when I started to realize the bank job wasn’t for me.

Ironically that lone K was for a job at a store with the same company i currently work for now. Different location same company it worked out even if I figured it was time to start looking some more.

All the same two years of frustration with the job at the show and job hunting paid off in the long run ultimately. Why is it hard for me to let that go?

Another goal

84c21-set-goals

My mother is one of those people who decided she’s going to continue working until she can’t. She’s been talking for years about going from a manager level position to part time at her current job. Events there – especially with a number of changes at the executive level – made it much easier for her to consider that option.

She went back to work this week after being out of the office for over a whole month. While she walked in with her cane she saw a number of changes when she reported for work. There are lots of new people there for example.

This now causes me to think how it’s time for me to step up to the plate. She’s been supporting me in so many ways especially with helping me to pay my bills that sooner or later I won’t have her to lean on financially. I’ll have to be fine with that and find a way take care of myself.

That’s another new goal I must have for myself now. I think I’ll get there too.

Aphrodite & Fertility

APHRODITE2

Aphrodite

one of my female fb friends – who attended that all-girl’s college near my own liberal arts school – posted a pic of a sculpture in a foreign land of the god of fertility. she wanted to tag her classmates and said she rubbed her ovaries. she also considered the ovaries of other career women who just haven’t found the one yet.

now this is the post where i could complain. these were women i attempted to chase around while i went to school there. this wasn’t a very smart move to be sure, but these were women who i expected were about something. i like that in a woman to be honest better that than someone who doesn’t have much going for themselves.

with this said my thought process went the route of they rejected the men for whatever reason who probably would’ve given them babies quickly. i say this as if it’s so simple when it’s not as if these women have their own careers where motherhood and relationships haven’t been their focus. or they just found an excuse to reject available men for good or bad reasons.

i’m tempted to make a reference to this just start a convo and hope that i don’t come on too strong. with that said i want babies too and am very available and thankfully in a better position to actually do this than i have been before. i realize with educated women that i really have to prove myself to become their man.

to speak for myself the ones i had the chance to talk to or even catch myself attempting to get close with them have resulted in reversals. nicole for example was one major reversal and i’ll never get another chance with her. her reasoning on her rejection of me is only for her to know but years ago it hurt because i wanted her to be the “one” for me.

so just as there are some women who are getting up there in the years are still looking for the one so they can have the family. so am i as in my case i’m still a virgin though very available for these women who are looking. of course as is the same for women i have to look for someone i like the best – however i decide that.

perhaps i should set my sights on a career woman who is ready for a relationship and she could be anywhere from 25 to 36. question is whether or not she wants to be wedded to a grocery store clerk/movie theater usher who hopes to advance to a leadership position.