day after christmas

my mother was discharged from the hospital finally. of course her appointments aren’t likely to change. there is a need to clean the house and of course for a little bit of time she has to wear a mask. her immune system was weakened by her recent treatment although her treatment has seen her fracture finally heal. my mother said something about abnormal cells in that particular bone.

we had to stop by an aunt’s house – one of my dad’s sisters. she has a xmas party almost every year. she wanted to fix a plate for us and we dropped by. because my mother had instructions to stay away from places with a lot of people she stayed in the car while i went in and waited for a plate. either way my mother got a call from her own sister saying that she was at home. we got the plate and headed back home.

my other aunt was on the ready to help us out a bit making some plans for the house in light of my mom’s current situation. she used to come over and help clean the house in the past though these days she lives much further away. the next day after my mother got out of the hospital she helped push up an easy chair upstairs so that there will be a comfortable chair in living room.

also there is some anticipation of other relatives from out of town dropping by in the near future. so we’re attempting to get ready for that also.

the night before on xmas eve after visiting my mother i went out driving after leaving hospital. just drove around chicago a little but and it’s not often that it’s just me and her vehicle at home. admittedly she purchased insurance for me so this i won’t get caught flat footed in case something happened out there. thankfully this is not something that has come to pass.

drove along lake shore drive, then drove into downtown chicago by my job. made a stop at the nearby theater to see what was playing but decided there wasn’t nothing for me to see on that occasion. drove my navy pier and then went further on lake shore drive to the north side. drove along broadway up until i got into wrigleyville and drove past wrigley field.

then began my return home on the south side driving on the magnificent mile and then through the loop, even drove through the show. just circled seeing the shopping center it’s located in. as a matter of fact the last time i drove there it was in one of my mother’s old vehicles this was the first time i drove by in my mom’s new car. then finally stopped by for a polish sausage near maxwell street before returning home.

now we see how everything goes from here. without a doubt the past two weeks have been most interesting…

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christmas eve

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on my off day i visited my mother and it appears she wasn’t doing great. she apparently got tired of her hospital food and just stopped eating it. she says that she couldn’t swallow it because she just couldn’t force herself to eat the food.

out of the blue when she called me there was a request for a KFC pot pie. i was a little annoyed with that, but what can i do. i unfortunately didn’t know that she hadn’t eaten anything – that was never communicated and i wanted to just go there without any more stops. then she tells me she hasn’t eaten all day and that she was really starving.

i quickly got upset because of all the steps i had to go through to get to her room. security has to check you in and give you a pass and then of course since i have the car i have to drive park and pay for parking. i objected to going through that again especially paying to park even if she gave me cash for it. so anyway i had a little fit because this didn’t fit in with my plans, but was more upset that she just didn’t want to eat the hospital food.

before i arrived at the hospital she called me a few days ago to let me know tentatively she was supposed to have been released on christmas eve. instead it got pushed back to christmas day because over the past three nights she had developed a low grade fever. now they have to investigate that and it keeps her away from home one more night.

oh yeah, she had some junk food in her hospital room. my brother had someone bring some junk food to her and she hadn’t touched it because they brought her such oversized bag she decided it was too much for her and she didn’t need it.

btw, i write this realizing that i’m expressing my own frustration with this current situation. one that is entirely outside of primarily her control, it’s not entirely her fault that she developed a compound fracture in her hip area. at this moment though this is the timeline i’m living in during the course of this holiday season…

stagnation

dont-stagnate-accelerate-85787495as i head into the new years this can always become a new fear. i’m happy with where i am currently in my job i’m making money – some may have noted that i have gained weight. there is always room for me to grow where i am or elsewhere.

my focus has often been regarding work. if i progress at work the more money i can make and the more things i can do that i missed out on for many years.

i often fear stagnating like i had at “the show”. it seems this blog will always throw around a few stories about my time there and some of my frustrations with my role there and the young coworkers – most female – who decided to cause drama. perhaps now is the time to insure that i’m able to truly take care of myself at work. connect with the right people and insure that i cover my bases at work.

are there times i still fail at that, of course. there have been some situations that come up at my current job. sometimes in situations you have to find a way to take yourself out of it. and if this person has the tendency to see your armor crack, then try as hard as you may to show little emotion.

not saying that’s easy, but somehow you can’t show how much you’re affected by something. let people cause drama by themselves and not find yourself a part of it. for a long time i failed at that and hopefully i can in the future not make the same mistakes.

for a while my focus on this blog was work. i believe work is important, but life is also. work isn’t my whole life. there are hobbies and travel and things like that to engage in. i would like to share them with you. hopefully in the new year i can explore relationships with women in life. perhaps to start i should interact more with the women at work. with this in mind i have to find out who they are.

and besides i’ve often done that at “the show” often finding out who they were when it was too late. and sometimes the damage was done. after that i just walk away and show no emotion and not respond at all.

next step is to stop being a worrier. besides i’m at a point where i need not be frustrated. things are working for me right now and as long as they do and i can adjust no frustration on my end.

for now the best is yet to come.

 

joyeaux anniversaire

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it’s that time of year again celebrating my birthday. now i really want to take stock of what i want to accomplish in this new year.

so many things to accomplish beyond financial goals. yeah i can always take care of money, but now i need to focus on some more personal goals. it’s my hope to explore those goals as i go forward on this blog.

yeah now i’m much closer to 40, but then so what. life isn’t over it’s still moving forward and hopefully i can accomplish some things before i get over that hump. especially in achieving some of my personal and financial goals.

on the other hand…

two years ago at least two days from my birthday i was fired from the bank. i’ve told that story numerous times on this blog. a few days after my birthday recently i drove through the neighborhood where i formerly worked at that bank.

no new changes other than that branch has closed during the ensuing two years. one night i drove to the hospital where my mother is for the time being and see that the branch is about to be turned into a fried fish establishment. a short-order food place which amazes me somewhat.

a pizza place was nearby when i worked there and that place is gone now. the pizza place had been a bank customer anyway. also nearby is a laundromat is still open.

i consider this one place i’ve been. my first new job since leaving “the show” and it wasn’t a rousing success. indeed this definitely wasn’t the assignment of my choice but during a very frustrating period of time they were the ones who hired me.

but as i consider where i am working now which is back in downtown chicago i see that in this old neighborhood there are some changes. change is of course always good, however, the only change is the tenants of the strip mall where the branch was located. and even then in that neighborhood, there’s still not a lot of action that exists in the downtown area.

at this point i’m not upset that i was unceremoniously dumped from this bank. and i’m not too upset that the branch has closed since i left. just a sign that i achieved one goal after that only short-term set back.

alone…

the first night since my mother returned for her extended stay for further treatment in the hospital for her compound fracture was spend basically driving around. i went to a nearby outpost of my store where i saw my boss unexpectedly. he’s filling in for his counterpart there as i heard unforeseen circumstances seen that individual stepping aside temporarily.

he introduced me to one of the assistant dept. managers there who likes employees who are versatile as i am. that felt great though for me i consider myself at times understated.

i wanted to buy a live xmas tree but didn’t see a small one that i wanted to buy. it helped me not buy anything but as i visit my mother in the hospital i’m sure there will be other opportunities. will have to find that live tree elsewhere.

my mother told me before dropping her off at the hospital that my brother is coming to town for only the third time since her surgery over the summer. and then one of her sisters from out of town is coming also. both i dread but at the same time it’s expected that they may not have to come to our place therefore i don’t have to play host.

in the meanwhile back at home, i reclaimed some of the reusable grocery bags that my mother decided will become storage bags. i replace them with plastic garrett’s popcorn bags that i have accumulated over time. and now i have a reliable collection of small reusable bags to draw upon.

also i’ve been doing some cleanup, the medical professionals that my mother is working with expect a somewhat clean house when she returns. i had started before she finally checked in will continue to do the job when i’m able to schedule permitting.  i’m in the process of doing some clean-up in her room and in the upstairs bathroom. the bathroom would need a good cleaning at least.

btw, why do i have that video up there? a track from 2016’s Batman vs. Superman movie. it fits my mood right now, but then when i talk about “the show” it on occassion fits my mood with them also. funny part is that well i was long gone when i left and the movie premiered in fact i was at the “new show” when that film was released. either way it fits my mood right now as for different reasons i’m at home alone again!

Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’

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However, Dr. Chris doesn’t think that ‘virgin’ is an accurate description for the guy.

Source: Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’

I haven’t heard this podcast, but I just have to say if i had Amber Rose as a friend my imagination would run wild. I respect that this guy wants to wait until marriage to experience sex, but if only I had some of that oral experience Ms. Rose’s friend has. I missed out big time.

holiday season 2012

 

a very bizarre and bad year was finally ending. some conflicts really came up during the course of the year with a number of young women and a really unhinged crazy older guy. the young women only know their motives maybe they were trying to score some points or maybe it was just their natural inclination to cause conflict and drama. don’t know but 2012 seemed to be a year that attracted those types and they made their moves.

many of them didn’t last the whole year some quit probably tired of the job probably found other opportunities and some got fired. they scored their points and really got nothing for it and moved on. still their effects are still with me to this day even if i never have to see or speak to them ever again.

the older guy was a nutcase who often advertised at least with me his social media video channel. what i saw i didn’t like and unprofessionally began share that non-sense because he kind of irritated me and also found a way to score some social points on me. he had me somewhat confused and upset, but he being who he is still wasn’t in with anyone at the job. however, because of his mentality people actually thought him scary and i was the only one who messed with him.

one problem, i couldn’t always break through to him. my actions which i deeply regret today were to just be outright mean to him because while i tried to be indifferent to him he still like to try to have a conversation with me. i simply wasn’t going for it and he never immediately picked up on it. when i publicly went after him at work it was a show, but it only made him relevant. it also didn’t help when it was often instigated by a mischievous coworker and sometimes i started it regardless it helped me decide that i had everything to lose while he had nothing to gain or lose.

with that episode that is now my conclusion, this lonely and very deranged man was looking for relevance. he behaved like an internet troll and although i knew who he was i gave him the attention he needed. i should’ve just not fed the troll.

for going after him i was rewarded with a number of social media videos that has him mention my name. one got him fired by the end of the summer because he portrayed a superhero who cuts off my head. this is what a deranged person does and it took me going off on him one last time before he got fired and i was the subject of many other videos after that.

to be honest i took me a while to cool off from this. even worse people were wondering why i kept talking about it. they were right i should’ve shut up about it, but i wasn’t smart back then. in fact i would set this as a sign of clear frustration with my role at “the show” and finding myself taking it out on people i worked with. a pattern that didn’t change until i finally left.

also, i may add that those who wanted to look down on me as a person found nothing but excuses. the feud with mr. deranged may have knocked me down a peg in some peoples eyes no matter how i justified it. but there are other reasons but only the ones who engaged in their behaviors towards me know for sure.

this was why i really was looking forward to the management interview i had for a small theater chain. it would’ve been an escape and the interview went well but it wasn’t meant to be. on the surface my time at a premier downtown movie theater with no management experience made it easy for the owner i met with to cut me out of the process.

while it hurt and i dwelled on it for the next two years there were some other issues at play with that company. know that as it unfolded back then it should’ve dulled the pain a little bit during that difficult period of time.

also the house manager – the number 2 guy at the show – decided to “pinch” me for being late. the guy was a dick to be honest and promised to write me up the next day for my excessive tardies, he never did. and because i didn’t like his plan and how he decided to talk so tough I gave an attitude and he also decided to find things to pick about.

by the end of the year i had an interview with a bank that didn’t pan out. i don’t think i gave it my all when it came to a phone screen. but then i figured in the new year there will be other opportunities to find another job. by the end of 2012 there was still no immediate escape for me.

so the one escape i took near the holidays of that year was that i went to another downtown theater in a span of a week i saw two movies. i saw skyfall – james bond – which was something i was looking forward to. then i saw lincoln which was a biopic about abraham lincoln’s legislative campaign to free the slaves. to be honest i nodded off during the early part of that film and that theater was paaacked people really came out for this movie on new years eve.

that spring i paid my first visit there just to check out it – the movie was this means war. a coworker had worked there and said he was fired though he never said what he was fired for. i just decided to check out this facility and it was nice and different. seemingly “the show” seemed somewhat bland in comparison although it had an urban feel to it. the newest hip place to catch a movie compared to this other facility which had been open almost 10 years but still looked great.

to be honest i just wanted to make some comparisons and later on it was to determine if this was somewhere i wanted to work. the theater by my house i saw how they did things then i saw how this other theater did things. then compared that with “the show” just to observe mostly and of course catch a movie.

this established a pattern that lasted until i finally quit the business in fall 2014. instead of taking advantage of free movie tickets i chose to go to another theater to catch a movie. i just saw no reason to catch a show at a place i was finding myself largely at odds with. so when i left this place and had to go back to work at “the show” it was back to reality.

either way after the holidays and after several disappointments with my beginning job search i had to deal with a little more frustration for the next year and 10 months…