growth

i almost had the opportunity to interview as a “fresh foods” supervisor at my home location and home team. sadly i couldn’t get past the screen gave a relatively vague exampe which i told my manager recently cleaned up some details. the decision was already made and the example was the only one that came to mind quickly enough.

of course i was disappointed, however, i chalked it up as another loss as far as moving up. i won’t count this one only three times have i even gotten a change to interview for a management/supervisor position whether it’s movie theaters or at “fresh foods”. “the show” never would look at me in that way and rarely gave me the opportunity that i will write about here.

my manager approached me about a possible promotion which certainly comes with a pay bump. it will mean that i will likely have to come to work at 5 AM everyday (which certainly would mean less sleep or i have to go to bed earlier). it’s basically a buyer/recieving position and it’s one more step towards management. my presentation for supervisor was weak, but this would look good on paper. especially if i show the aptitude my manager expects with my attention to detail.

heh, funny my attention to detail got me in trouble at the bank. in the intervening time between leaving the show and arriving at “fresh foods” i showed none of it at least to the bank.

while i have a shift to see what i can do in this role next week, i have to wait until one of the department’s buyer/reciever will finally give his two weeks and move on to a new job. so for the moment there is no job for me yet and i remain in my simple clerk role.

as i’ve stated before one reason i left “the show” in 2014 was to find a job where i could grow. i was stagnant there and now where i am i have the opportunities. what it takes is for me to grasp them.

to not act

i found these series of blogs by chance. i have a number of jackie’s in my background, women whom the opportunity was there and did little. a handful are women where there were some effort, however, it often blew up in my face.

i thought you’d be interested in these experiences. the author in question there’s uncertainty if he was a virgin. however it’s likely if the stories all began while in college and by the time you get to the final part he likely has plenty of experience with women.

so go read those three year old posts by panama jackson over at VSB

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

living on my own terms

have i ever lived according to them. it’s been said that most of my life i’ve been trying to have it my way. unfortunately i’ve ran into nothing but people who have decided they know best so they try to tell me what i must do.

when my mother was going for follow-up appointments and had been at the point where she needed me to shuttle her to the hospital i tell her that her need to rush me and tell me to make this light or that light didn’t help. especially if i’m the driver and i may have other things on my mind as much as it’s very important to get her to the clinic for her appointments.

sometimes i’ve been consumed though not enough by the idea that i want to have sex before i turn 40 or better yet married by the time i turn 40. if it happened that i’m happy alas i seem to have a great difficulty getting myself into such a situation where i can make that happen.

unfortunately, i’m a long way from being anything resembling a pick-up artist. i see beautiful women all the time not just online but in person and hell yes they’re my customers. i could pick up a conversation with the one who could be the one. indeed i may also work with such a fabled person.

at the same time i never really lived my life. and i don’t have that long to do it. i never had a group of young friends who were just dating. thus never many opportunities to just hang out and socialize. as likely hinted i’m very much a loaner and have arrived at that the hard way.

all the same, it’s past time. i need to do some things for me and if it means i have to live alone for a time then that is what i must do. if it enables me to get into activities where i have to be social then it’s worth it. i can go on and on, but i already predicted this could be a year of great change.

and in the past two years i’ve experience great changes leaving my long-time job at the show and having my income go up. going to a job that can provide great growth – which i would also include evaluating how i approach interviewing not just the jobs i can take on. bottom line it i’m already one quarter through 2017 so if i want to make those necessary changes now is certainly the time to get started.

i’m convinced that the woman of my dreams whoever she may be is waiting for me. i either shoot my shot or i have to be the guy she desires. hopefully unlike many other time where she comes around and makes herself know i might not be caught off guard.

in the meanwhile, it’s literally time to attempt to live live on my terms. and not find myself fitting anyone’s definition of how i should live my life.

 

changes

been thinking about ways i can grow where i am currently. one of the reasons I left “the show” over two years ago was that i wasn’t growing at the theater. right now my job at “fresh foods” is somewhere i can grow.

the changes in the department has caused some disruption. our management is almost 100% flipped and brought in some new people or managers who are new to our team. they have to get to know us.

because fresh foods has been slashing the number of supervisors a few have moved on to other stores others have stepped down from their roles. they still work with us but they’re no longer supervisors.

allegedly one of those supervisors have stepped down not long after not becoming one of our assistant managers. someone told me he’s a bit frustrated which i understood especially after his interview. the job he went for had been reposted.

with all this pessimistic talk i’ve seen this before. it happened at “the show” people talking about moving on. people being a bit crabby – indeed one of the people who was on the panel just upped and quit a few days ago. things aren’t looking that great right now.

btw, as much as i want to hang in there and see how things shake out. how long do i wait until it’s too late?

Life without porn

Sat on this video for a while, time to give it some sunlight. Posted about my experiences with porn here. Perhaps this skit you see summarizes my success with women. In this case perhaps one reason I’ve never had sex, if someone likes me I either fail to pick up on the cues or I miss out by not making a move.

 

march 2014

the month before i had an interview with “finer foods” not long  after another grocery chain had closed down they were expanding in the chicago area. corporate called me roughly the same time as my friend anthony’s store. i chose the new store looking to staff.

my friend anthony was very keen on getting me on his store expressing disappointment when i wouldn’t follow-up with his contact months before they ever called me. i went to the interview and basically blew it. never heard from them again and for roughly a month or so i avoided anthony who had a one track mind about “finer foods”. what happened with the interview.

anyway we finally got connected told him what happened and then made some arrangements to get me at his story. he had me call the store manager there and arrange for an interview which i finally did. i was supposed to meet with him on a tuesday at 10 AM.

my first interview with “finer foods” had been in february and the arrangments took place in april. and when all was said and done with my friend’s outpost where he had been working i still didn’t get a job with this company and what happened with the store manager and any potential job was shitty. left me upset and a brief rift took place after anthony yelled at me for not following up.

for now that story will have to wait.

nothing of great note happened during the course of this month. i was still frustrated at “the show” waiting for the next opportunity. little did i know that by october things would change.