Boundaries

chain linked fence

A fence around my boundaries

It would be tedious to do something of a rehash of my former “friendship” with Anthony the hustler. I would’ve retold one story and then told another one that was largely in the same vein. What you have learned is that Anthony will attempt to crack a door open and then he will try to come right in. I don’t think he can help it…

For the many years I’ve known him my failure was to enforce my boundaries. Perhaps it was his martial arts training combined with his sociopathy, he just has to look for a weakness to attack. He found many, he was looking, and what was his aim it was for his own benefit. Everything he caught himself doing for me as far as jobs, mentorship, etc. was really about him.

Him needing to know whether or not I’ve lost my virginity would in the long run become an edge (I’ve never definitely answered that question but often I try to make it clear with silence that he’s out of line when he wants to go there). He knew to call me when he needs something. If it’s not about money it’s about doing a job application for him. And of course when I look to him as support as a friend, he sometimes has the tendency to add more stress if I want to address one situation he brings up something else that also was a problem.

Remember last month when I sort of “freaked” when he called me and left a voicemail. Perhaps I’m still not certain how to play this. At the same time what I’m sure of now in the new year is that with him there needs to be rules of no engagement. Someone suggested no contact, and I will listen. I won’t tell him off, because I think very little will come of it. It might just go through one ear and out the other and he may go back to the behavior I found troubling. And to start the begging was troubling enough and of course this has to go for everyone. No one will be my friend for long if there is a tendency to beg.

I want to admit something to you all. When he called me last month to let me know he had a “question for me”, I think I know what it might be about. Remember I had ran into him after over a year in his security uniform at a local hardware store. I went to that store just to browse and I figured if I ran into him fine. Since I was without my mother on this occasion, I think it was possible to let loose on him although he might be ready for it.

On the other hand I was really in no rush to run into him. I was about to leave the store until I saw a security vehicle pull up close to the entrance that I was trying to exit from. When I saw that I quickly changed course walked around the store, even went to the bathroom and hoped that once I was ready to walk out he would be further along in the parking lot that he had been patrolling. Once I determined that he was far enough away I drove off and as far as I know he never saw me.

Then the next day after that he calls me, no indication as the question he wants to ask. And since his contact isn’t entirely welcomed I didn’t answer and I waited a few days to answer his call. As far as the question since to this day he has yet to call me back, I’ll never know what he felt the need to ask me if at all. It definitely wasn’t urgent, but knowing him he won’t understand the lack of urgency in calling him back. And while this isn’t the first time I avoided him especially via phone and certainly in real life, I know that this is a problem for him.

So as of now I’m committed to no contact. That means I’ll start removing him from my various social media profiles. He truly is a virus he’s connected to a lot of people from “The Show” even people he didn’t like or complained about. It’s as if he knows everybody and yet no one really knows him or at least the way I do. What sucks in this case is he’ll just mark another target for his needs, but right now the focus is to not allow myself to be his target again.

I expect that there will be no final showdown. If there is, I expect that it might be more stressful considering the person i’m dealing with. Perhaps I may have to actually tell him to “buzz off” and leave me alone – and he may or may not listen. Also consider that if I won’t answer the phone for him he has little issue trying again he probably believes I would answer the phone for him. Then again it’s been over a year since I’ve really talked to him, and often I say that we’re both responsible for that communications blackout.

Finally I want to share this video which informs some aspects of this post and other posts. Some of what I saw in this vid fits him like a T and now I can’t look at him the same anymore. He said once I know how it goes before you do, and now without really trying that hard I understand something about his behavior.

As I hoped to say a few months ago, perhaps this will be the last time I will talk about “The Hustler”. This time instead of saying “the end?” I’ll just leave it at that.

 

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