What’s been happening?

The job has been picking up cases of this bug in recent weeks. We get text alerts on our phone and it seems we get notifications just about everyday as of late. Unfortunately we’ve learned someone has died of it in my dept.

I didn’t really associate with him although we did often work in close proximity. He dilligently did his job, what I can note was that he was short – well shorter than yours truly – and very pudgy. He wasn’t exactly the symbol of being physically fit. So I can visually spot a risk factor there although I can’t possibly know the state of his health.

Either way because he got sick put others under quarantine which led to our team being a lot more understaffed for the time being. Overtime is being offered it just lets me know this pandemic isn’t even close to being over. It didn’t burn out over the summer though at least we’re closer to a vaccine now than we were at the beginning.

I almost forgot I learned about the death after reading a note by the time clock after a day or two off. It dampened my spirits, the last thing anyone wants to know is that someone there died and especially from this ongoing bug going around. Well beyond that all one can do is to get on with it.

* Last month my mother lost one of her sisters. She was a younger sister who just made 60 this year, however, she had been sick for a period of time. I barely knew her as she spent a lot of time a part from the family. She’s had some issues in her youth that she had largely cleaned herself up.

She was married at the time of her untimely demise so she cleaned herself up long enough to find a husband. The only time I remembered her coming around and/or calling family was when she asked for money from my mother. I forget when that was it was in the 2000s or even the last decade I don’t remember. However, it seemed as if she was blowing up the phone lines for a small cash infusion.

Either way the last time I saw her I do remember which was after a family reunion the year I got kicked out of mission for the second and last time. Of course no one outside of me and my mother knew that at the time. I know that she was expecting more of a greeting than I was willing to give her at the time.

I was more focused on rubbing my hands with sanitizer and she was quick to move on to the next person. I suppose I wasn’t in the mood to be very touchy feely. Now in light of her untimely passing and just thinking about the last time I saw her now I feel bad.

I suppose you never know what the future is. Though couple that with the family reportedly never really saw her other than a very persistent ability from another of my mother’s sisters to reach out every once in a while. Just as I made a choice over a decade ago so did she. I could say she made a choice to grace us or more specifically yours truly with her presence only rarely. I still have no real idea that she was at my grandmother – well her mother’s funeral – although I have to admit I don’t know because I chose not to go.

* I have to add that I don’t like going to funerals. Because of my mother’s age and insecurity about driving at night I went to one funeral this year for one of my great aunts. So I wanted a chance to go to whatever services were for my aunt because we could go back to our family’s southern hometown to visit another relative who my mother learned her mind is starting to go bad. The relative was one of my dad’s aunt’s and she was the last survivor from his mother’s family.

Well owing to the pandemic in part and certainly my work schedule and how onerous it seems to insure that I won’t get penalized for not coming into work I just decided it wasn’t worth the hassle. I guess I’m a workaholic and it’s necessary in an uncertain time. We’re not even certain who the president will be although someone has declared they’re the president-elect.

Unfortunately I chose to not go and it seems my mother isn’t too unhappy about it. She didn’t really work too hard to make any arrangements to go as we heard other family were making plans. If I had went this would’ve been the first family gathering I’d have attended this year although under very sad circumstances.

* A question that was never asked. Why didn’t I go to my grandmother’s funeral?

The basic excuse is my work schedule. And perhaps I was concerned it was very onerous for me to try to get some time off to go to her funeral without being penalized. Also as I said I grew to not like funerals over the years. Perhaps I’ve just about seen them all to say I just don’t like them. Perhaps organ music, spirituals, hymms, remarks, preaching, caskets, etc just doesn’t have an appeal. Perhaps it’s not supposed to be an appeal other than to remember the live of the deceased.

Another part of this is that I worked at The Show as unlike now I didn’t get paid time off. During those years at the theater I hardly went out of town other than going to homecoming at Mission. What helps me to get out of town now is that I get PTO and thus I might take a week or so off to take a vacation.

For example I took a west coast jaunt years ago and what helped that was well I essentially got paid vacation for it. Not that it would’ve made it easier for me to attend a funeral out of town. But I do imagine that would’ve been a consideration at the time just as it could’ve been this time if I had been willing to make that effort.

* I do recognize that there was a period of time as I tried to build my income and my work experience that I missed out on time with my folks. When I went to Mission during my time at The Show I made no effort to connect with family of course the second time I went I had little choice there were no hotel vacancies and I couldn’t get a bus back to Chicago.

Either way there was a period of time it wasn’t very important. I want to make a effort to connect with people I care about more than I want to connect with people who really aren’t that concerned other than our blood connection. I feel as if just as my late aunt had I denied them at times the opportunity to connect the opportunity to grace them with my presence.

However, I feel as if the same rules apply as they do with the Fiend that I continue to mention on occasion. It comes out that he really doesn’t have a very positive view of yours truly. In his sense of domination and paternal instinct that attitude comes out. I have every right to pull back family or not.

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