to not act

i found these series of blogs by chance. i have a number of jackie’s in my background, women whom the opportunity was there and did little. a handful are women where there were some effort, however, it often blew up in my face.

i thought you’d be interested in these experiences. the author in question there’s uncertainty if he was a virgin. however it’s likely if the stories all began while in college and by the time you get to the final part he likely has plenty of experience with women.

so go read those three year old posts by panama jackson over at VSB

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

living on my own terms

have i ever lived according to them. it’s been said that most of my life i’ve been trying to have it my way. unfortunately i’ve ran into nothing but people who have decided they know best so they try to tell me what i must do.

when my mother was going for follow-up appointments and had been at the point where she needed me to shuttle her to the hospital i tell her that her need to rush me and tell me to make this light or that light didn’t help. especially if i’m the driver and i may have other things on my mind as much as it’s very important to get her to the clinic for her appointments.

sometimes i’ve been consumed though not enough by the idea that i want to have sex before i turn 40 or better yet married by the time i turn 40. if it happened that i’m happy alas i seem to have a great difficulty getting myself into such a situation where i can make that happen.

unfortunately, i’m a long way from being anything resembling a pick-up artist. i see beautiful women all the time not just online but in person and hell yes they’re my customers. i could pick up a conversation with the one who could be the one. indeed i may also work with such a fabled person.

at the same time i never really lived my life. and i don’t have that long to do it. i never had a group of young friends who were just dating. thus never many opportunities to just hang out and socialize. as likely hinted i’m very much a loaner and have arrived at that the hard way.

all the same, it’s past time. i need to do some things for me and if it means i have to live alone for a time then that is what i must do. if it enables me to get into activities where i have to be social then it’s worth it. i can go on and on, but i already predicted this could be a year of great change.

and in the past two years i’ve experience great changes leaving my long-time job at the show and having my income go up. going to a job that can provide great growth – which i would also include evaluating how i approach interviewing not just the jobs i can take on. bottom line it i’m already one quarter through 2017 so if i want to make those necessary changes now is certainly the time to get started.

i’m convinced that the woman of my dreams whoever she may be is waiting for me. i either shoot my shot or i have to be the guy she desires. hopefully unlike many other time where she comes around and makes herself know i might not be caught off guard.

in the meanwhile, it’s literally time to attempt to live live on my terms. and not find myself fitting anyone’s definition of how i should live my life.

 

changes

been thinking about ways i can grow where i am currently. one of the reasons I left “the show” over two years ago was that i wasn’t growing at the theater. right now my job at “fresh foods” is somewhere i can grow.

the changes in the department has caused some disruption. our management is almost 100% flipped and brought in some new people or managers who are new to our team. they have to get to know us.

because fresh foods has been slashing the number of supervisors a few have moved on to other stores others have stepped down from their roles. they still work with us but they’re no longer supervisors.

allegedly one of those supervisors have stepped down not long after not becoming one of our assistant managers. someone told me he’s a bit frustrated which i understood especially after his interview. the job he went for had been reposted.

with all this pessimistic talk i’ve seen this before. it happened at “the show” people talking about moving on. people being a bit crabby – indeed one of the people who was on the panel just upped and quit a few days ago. things aren’t looking that great right now.

btw, as much as i want to hang in there and see how things shake out. how long do i wait until it’s too late?

Life without porn

Sat on this video for a while, time to give it some sunlight. Posted about my experiences with porn here. Perhaps this skit you see summarizes my success with women. In this case perhaps one reason I’ve never had sex, if someone likes me I either fail to pick up on the cues or I miss out by not making a move.

 

march 2014

the month before i had an interview with “finer foods” not long  after another grocery chain had closed down they were expanding in the chicago area. corporate called me roughly the same time as my friend anthony’s store. i chose the new store looking to staff.

my friend anthony was very keen on getting me on his store expressing disappointment when i wouldn’t follow-up with his contact months before they ever called me. i went to the interview and basically blew it. never heard from them again and for roughly a month or so i avoided anthony who had a one track mind about “finer foods”. what happened with the interview.

anyway we finally got connected told him what happened and then made some arrangements to get me at his story. he had me call the store manager there and arrange for an interview which i finally did. i was supposed to meet with him on a tuesday at 10 AM.

my first interview with “finer foods” had been in february and the arrangments took place in april. and when all was said and done with my friend’s outpost where he had been working i still didn’t get a job with this company and what happened with the store manager and any potential job was shitty. left me upset and a brief rift took place after anthony yelled at me for not following up.

for now that story will have to wait.

nothing of great note happened during the course of this month. i was still frustrated at “the show” waiting for the next opportunity. little did i know that by october things would change.

being on the other side of an interview

i did my interviewing today. i can’t really talk about the interview, but just draw upon my own experiences interviewing with for a management position. a difficult process but to be in the hot seat.

my first management interview as hinted here was for a management position at a locally owned movie house. while at first my observation was that it went well i was floored when it didn’t go my way. for a long time it was hard understanding what happened. it never occurred to me that i won’t get it.

then with today’s experience i know why. my second opportunity was with a national movie theater chain and i’ll just say that i blew it. i somewhat know why it didn’t happen for me, but it’s acceptable to me now that it didn’t happen. perhaps it wasn’t meant to considering the experience i was hoping to leave behind at “the show”.

finally, i consider my experience seeking a supervisor position at my current company in grocery. i didn’t do a very good job preparing although my understanding of the job is somewhat strong even if not entirely. i consider the fact that i came back from a vacation and the interview came so soon (a day) after returning to chicago that left little room to prepare.

so with the movie theater – even if i worked with people who questioned everything i did managers and colleagues – i knew that business. i worked for almost five years in a theater so surely something has sunk in even if i know nothing about financials i have an idea about operations. perhaps the leadership skills are untested, but it’s possible to learn them.

most of my interviews for manager or not was largely improvised, i “winged” it. most of the time i didn’t do me much good, but most of the time i relied on my own experience. if my experience is in retail or theaters that’s what i relied on to get through the interview.

on the other hand, what i’ve realized i failed to do in a few interviews is that i didn’t know what a particular company offered. i at two different points interviewed with two grocery stores. one of them was the company i currently work for – we’ll just call them “fresh foods”. the other company we’ll just call “finer foods”.

a few months after graduating from mission i interviewed with “fresh foods” and crashed and burned. years later i figured out why, i had no idea what that company had to offer. the first time i heard of them was on tv with news stories advertising their health care plans. essentially that’s all i knew and while i did attempt to talk of their product offerings i had little clue about them.

in other words i could’ve know the goodness of this company years before i joined and  i would’ve had good benefits and good pay long before joining “the show”. if this was a sure thing i only talked myself out of it. i talked and the manager i spoke to chose not to hire me.

after my recent experience now i know how to approach future interviews as a job seeker. regardless of whether or not i’m staying with my current company whom i hope to last 5 years or i choose another. preparation will be key and no more winging it. have some semblance of a plan.