why?

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do i write this blog? by a friend this blog has been criticized as a complaining blog. it could be because at times i complained about a job that i left.

i could just as easily complain about the many women i’ve ran into over the years who for whatever reason treated me like sh*t for reasons only they understand. and many of them have moved on to other targets and forgot all about me.

now i try to keep this blog towards the future and turn the page on many past episodes. i tend to remember things even if many people don’t. it’s clear i may not forget and find ways to bring it up although i be careful with those events that still might make me angry.

so the why i do this blog is just as important as this blog’s general identity or direction. for example could this be considered sex blog or not. either way this blog is about someone who’s getting none at all.

also i want you to consider this recent post by the unfortunate male virgin. the comments have been towards why does he blog as much as it has been why women don’t seem to like him. it has helped me start to evaluate why i tell my story.

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Virgo

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Some way some how I found this blog called Virgo. It’s about a male virgin in fact he shows his face which makes him brave. Unfortunately he stopped posting about 14 months ago.

With that being said if he shows his face what does this tell you? He’s probably sure about his reasoning for discussing and/or maintaining his virginity. In part, his reasons are also my reasons – though not necessarily over not adding to the statistics of single-parent households.

I had little desire – even if I aspire to have a family of my own – to sire children before I was ready. At this point I’m not sure about being ready but closer than I had been previously.

Now for all we know while he may have never had sex – and who knows that may have changed by now –  he may have far more success with women. We have no idea if he’s socially awkward or he may be a hit with the women in general. There are women out there willing to give it up to him if he wanted.

Alas he’s never finished telling us his story. For those of you who are also male virgins who can relate to him as I can somewhat he started off very well. He has my respect as a virgin. Here’s hoping wherever he is right now that he’s happy with his own status and life.

While there isn’t an easy way to get in touch with him perhaps some of you can send his blog some “love” anyway.

where does this blog fit?

another identity crisis: what kind of blog is this supposed to be.

of course this is a virginity blog but could it fall under dating/relationships?

this could also fall under sex. i could spend a lot of time talking about sex. there are posts about porn here, however, how much can i talk about sex when i’m not getting any.

at times this is as much a life blog because i talk about work. not sure how much i’ll talk about family as so far i’ve talked about my dad and one of my cousins. i also talk about abstaining from sex and alcohol.

i may even talk about the hobbies i want to take up. perhaps one day i may take up improv. perhaps i’ll find something else to take up in addition to that. who knows.

either way, i’ve seen nothing more than a handful of male virgin blogs out there. the question is where does this genre of blogging fit in the grand scheme of the bloggosphere?

why i abstain from alcohol

f2e32-keep-calm-and-abstaina post from another blog talked about their father. in my case, one reason for me basically abstaining from alcohol was my father. as far as dating and women my dad wasn’t very reliable and that may somewhat explain my lack of success with women so far. most guys learn this from the men in their lives, but i hadn’t had any reliable role models and apparently was not entirely willing to learn on my own.

my dad was an alcoholic and couldn’t stop. there were times he’d stop cold turkey, but there would be a setback and the next thing me and my folks know he’s right back to his regular drinking. who knows what happened as far as a set back, perhaps something came forward in his psyche.

i’ve also learned over the years that my dad was intensely jealous. in fact one time Natalie came by with her soon to be husband and my dad intoxicated fell into some odd jealous rage saying my mother liked younger men. hey dad, my mother just played host to her niece and her then boyfriend….

unfortunately the alcohol claimed his life. my dad ballooned in weight over the years due to his appetite which really grew when he drinks. on top of that he began to develop serious high blood pressure which resulted in a stroke that left him on a respirator for three days and he never recovered before we pulled the plug on him.

i learned at the time of his death that high blood pressure runs in the family his mother died in her 40s as my dad had. not sure if she also had a drinking problem but her early demise surely had an impact on him.

probably one reason my dad ultimately had his issues with my mother and alcoholism was that his parents split when he was a boy. that’s likely why he often feared my mother would up and leave him. he’d have this intense and irrational anger about whatever she did or in the story i just told about who she hosted at home.

another thing i consider as far as my parent’s relationship. they were grossly incompatible as time went on. my mother had goals for her life as she went to night school to earn her degree from a local university. my dad often struggled to even complete a GED something he never accomplished before his early demise.

i just realized that he had completed a certification in auto mechanics. it was something he never seemed to use unfortunately, but he did complete something. unfortunately he never finished the one thing he failed to have done when he was younger was his high school diploma.

my dad had overtime expressed keen interest in returning to his southern hometown. my mother however had decided she’d grown beyond those roots and had little desire to do so.

they began as high school sweethearts and married young. probably stories of a lot of married or divorced people. most of those relationships work out and most don’t. but my feeling was that with my parents their relationship didn’t work as there was such a big gulf between personalities.

another thing to consider is that my mother decided to counteract my dad’s anger and argumentative streak by shutting down. i mean how can you argue with yourself? she had a much calmer demeanor than he did and she would say it helped her out more than it did him.

he needed help for his emotional and addiction issues and sadly it was something that wasn’t meant to be. if he had been more willing to seek help and ultimately quit drinking i’d like to think he’d be a senior citizen and wondering why i haven’t found her yet. and even then perhaps i’d be further along in my life than i have been so far.

besides sometimes i wonder if he had been still around i’d have done some of the things i had wanted to do before he passed away suddenly.

Celibacy

31zmpVVq5SLI admitted to a coworker fairly recently that while attempting to sidestep the idea of being a virgin that I consider myself celibate. It’s sort of the truth even if well it’s involuntary in some respects.

I wrote once about my choice to largely abstain from sex. Of course as it turns out I abstained from relations of any type with a woman for a significant time. Either way celibacy and abstinence has proven to work out for me in the long run.

I’m probably somewhat better off without being involved with a woman who may not be a good fit for me. Definitely better off without children running around and no way to truly take care of them. Perhaps even the baby mama drama that may come with that.

My personal philosophy is that people should wait for sex. Could be anything a life milestone, money, the right person to do it with. Bottom line is that sex need not be given out as if it’s candy.

That being said the coworker I’m sure has picked up on my lack of experience with women. When we started periodically getting extra money on our paychecks he sort of paused when I told him my response to one of our female supervisors. After saying he wanted to spend his extra money on her she loved it.

My response to her same question was after indicating that I’d save some of it. I mentioned going to Las Vegas which she seemed to like even if it wasn’t entirely serious. Well sorry I had to come up with something and his thought was that I could’ve done better than that. Instead of making it about me, I have to make it about her.

I also told him I was interested in Ms. Crazy Vibe. While at first in an inebriated state he said he’d arrange something later on that response became I can’t handle her. We both agreed there is some crazy in her…it must be the gray eyes she has.

So now I’ve come up with two different terms for my “condition” as it were. Other than calling myself a virgin I’m either a person who believes in abstinence or I’m celibate. Perhaps there’s another term to add which hopefully will be discussed later.

Abstain

I had said that I chose to abstain from sex when I was young. It was not my goal back then to have children without knowing what I would do with the rest of my life. Of course at this point I still haven’t entirely figured it out other than finally finishing college after many years of struggle.

Also just as stated earlier there wasn’t a huge religious basis for my abstinence. It seems right to not to having sex before marriage. It also seems right to not consider having sex unless you know for sure that it’s what you want to do and you’re sure about the person you want to do it with.

BTW, my belief is that when students in school learn sex education not only should they learn about condoms or protection they should also learn about abstinence. I would hope that the adults around them have enough faith in them to make their own choices about sex.

Also I’ve abstained from alcohol because of the effects seen first hand. That’s not to say I’ve never had a drink, however, my goal remain to stay away from alcohol. It’s not in my best interest to become an alcoholic.

That being said it’s highly unlikely that I will be going to any bars anytime soon. OK maybe go to a brewpub just for something different but that’s probably all. Probably any other venues that serve alcohol, although it’s highly unlikely that I’d order a drink.

I’d hate to think that not wanting alcohol is the reason why I’ve never had any relations with a woman, but at this point this is just grasping at straws. We shall uncover the real reasons…