New Blog

https://virginpopulism.wordpress.com/

I haven’t started posting yet, my goal is to write more topical posts there going forward. Let’s see what new adventures we might have there.

I would like you to start following that blog if you’re very interested. It’s aptly named for a reason. 🙂

Familiarity

photo of buildings during nighttime

Although I answered HarleyQ in the recent post when she asked the question about transferring out of my comfort zone it caused me to want to further expand that post. I went from talking about changing jobs and remaining comfortable and complacent in the roles I have accepted so far to considering whether or not I should leave my hometown.

In my answer I liken this to changing jobs (on my own terms) back in October ’14. The time to have left in reality was over two years ago before and I was very gungho for that, however, in my mind I needed a job to leave for. I had to work for that for over two years until I finally got a job offer to leave for.

I told a senior manager at The Show that I was leaving. At that moment I believed that was the right thing to do upon getting the job offer to go to Gotham Bank, there was hardly anything there for me to stay. I knew the job which was my comfort level and I knew some of the workers, especially the ones I felt that I could work with and the ones who were trouble. Although some of the managers were beginning to move on I knew them too for good or for bad. I left a job of almost five years with great familiarity, however, I knew it was stagnation no reason to think I would grow there.

There lies the catch-22 I was leaving the familiarity and taking on a role where I had no familiarity. A new environment does wonders, then again the new environment is the unknown and once I did turn in my two weeks with that aforementioned senior manager I did so with trepidation. Did I really want to leave?

Although I knew it was the right thing perhaps in a way I wasn’t really set to go. I made those decisions turned in my notice and never asked the rescind it. Your’s truly was still somewhat unsure about what I was doing. Even then once I realized it wasn’t working out in the long run, I had also decided it would be a failure if I tried to get my job back at The Show.

As far as transferring out of my comfort zone I feel as if I may have that same hesitation. To leave the familiar is hard. I know the Chicago area for the most part leaving would be hard. I chose going to Mission College because where it was located it had decent public transit, but it was still an unfamiliar land.

I also consider my elderly mother who’s going through some of her current health challenges. We’ve occasionally discussed the possibility that I could take on a job outside of the Chicago area. Nothing serious comes of it, however, there are a few options I’ve noted where yours truly would want to go.

green grass field under blue sky

Iowa?

The pic I used in that last post I used a search term Iowa. It seems like an unlikely new direction for me, and especially for a state I’ve only passed through a handful of times. Most of us know Iowa as a place of agriculture, college football and even minor league baseball. I could find a decent sized city and be OK because it’s unthinkable to live in the sticks.

Someone suggested Georgia where Mission (not a real school but does represent my alma mater) is located and I basically just balked. Everyone is moving to Georgia and yours truly would rather start trends not follow them. 😛

Either way making a physical move to another city or another state is a difficult undertaking. Especially difficult without having a plan that could include a job or even a school to attend.

As always something under consideration for now.

Updates

Funny thing happened a few days ago, with this bug still going around store mgmt shut down my department. Evidently someone got this virus and it affected our department somehow so just about an hour after I started our dept was closed for the day and we were sent home. Store mgmt called me the next day saying I’m cleared to return, either way I was returning to work….

Ahhhhh, you know I shouldn’t have had so much bravado about that. I still often take public transit to work and you never know what you might run into. Often people still take chances sitting next to people making some odd judgement calls. You’re sitting next to someone and you don’t know what they got. Well some people wear masks and some people don’t bottom line is they’re taking chances and they know someone is going to make a decision to move during a very insecure time.

So to be honest, I’m glad I heard from store mgmt about this. There was a confirmed case at our location, however, who knows who came to work with the bug at least on our team. This means I no longer have a decision to make, I had one day off in between so it seems there was no extended contact with someone who is ill. At worst they probably wouldn’t allow me to return to work and it’s time to get tested.

When our store mgr gave us the news I was nervous, but not concerned. Besides when coming to work we do a temp check before punching in. While granted it takes time – for example up to two weeks – before showing symptoms if something was going on with my body at anytime especially a fever they’re not letting me go to work.

In the rest of the world, I’m seeing that perhaps things are going in the right direction. In this state hospitalizations are going down – and especially people in ICUs and on ventilators. The rate of infections are going down. And even the state is talking seriously about allowing restaurants to reopen with outdoor seating as long as there are social distancing measures in place. As stated often here, it’s time for the world to get back to normal and it’s been shown that as the weather warms up people just get restless and I can’t say I blame them.

In the meantime I won’t give in to the fear just continue to take my precautions. This bug is nothing to trifle with so while the odds of my recovery is likely good, it’s possible to become very sick. That’s not my plan right now if it can be helped, there’s a lot more life left to live.

So for the rest of you be careful, be safe, and be well!

Adulting – benefits edition

white oval medication pill beside blister pack

Benefits minus the foreign currency

Well we have quickly arrived at the area of enrolling in benefits. At Fresh Foods roughly at this time every year associates will make changes to their benefits. It appears the company has changed insurance companies and thus well if I don’t choose that might leave me in the dust for next year.

This had been something of an annual tradition to talk about the benefits and wages at this time. Usually I talk about what I didn’t get when I worked at The Show. I wasn’t getting benefits from a company that had little issue keeping employees at minimum wage. This situation was definitely one main reason why I was looking to bail.

Since I’ve been talking about it occasionally this year, it was one reason why I was pursuing a career in the banking world. And when I think about it in hindsight, probably wasn’t the right motivation. At the same time it was time to find a job that provided good health insurance even if for a brief time I had to purchase it myself with the help of my mother in order to get some dental work done.

It’s unimaginable now that I got some of what I was looking for good income and decent benefits by working at a grocery store. It was just unimaginable to me back during my time at The Show that the future meant that good job that provided the income and benefits would be at a grocery store.

As stated in a post earlier this month I left the movie theater to go to a bank and then eventually to Fresh Foods. That period from just about five years ago only let to the era I’m living in right now. And a few years ago I was very much worried that yours truly wouldn’t even get to this point…

Meanwhile time to check out what benefits are available for me next year!

Creepy shy virgin

Dr. Nerdlove has written a number of articles about virginity over the years. Since starting this blog I have often searched out content with regards to male virginity narrowly in addition to other topics involving virginity. This article is one of those articles which often would be in my search results especially.

This article: “Ask Dr. NerdLove: I’m A Shy Virgin. Does This Make Me Creepy?” I can relate to for just about five years I worked with young women with various personalities at The Show. Unfortunately I do think I have been targeted by them. A lot of them it could be surmised expected to have men by the finger tips, however, the men they couldn’t figure out really there was friction. And yes I would say I wasn’t quite a man they could figure out and often there was friction.

What I could gather from this article is from not only Dr. Nerdlove’s response, but from the little information offered by the letter writer Justtheguyinthecorner I feel as if I was in the same situation. For me the only reason the virgin thing came up was not because of what others had suspected because my mistake was putting it out there. Once it was out there and fodder for gossip then here comes the shaming.

It was one of many things people thought was wrong with me. However with this said, I do think people were looking for dirt they didn’t come looking for anything positive, especially the young women I worked with. If it wasn’t so and so never had sex ultimately it would’ve been something else in the long run. If people were looking for reasons to complain or just plain start something they would.

So Justtheguy seemed to believe the women of his job was out to get him. No examples were provided by him, but what I could agree with in Nerdlove’s response is perhaps Justtheguy could’ve done a better job relating to the women coworkers he tried to treat professionally and yet tries to avoid them at work. He does seem to use his inexperience as a crutch however how would his coworkers know?

All the same I would share the episode of “Petty” one extreme example of how I feel the young women would treat a guy who could basically be considered a loaner. More accurately yours truly definitely didn’t do well with the young women at the theater and admittedly a lot of this was a self-inflicted wound. My inexperience with women was part of the problem, however, I owe some of this friction with the youth and immaturity of those who were just starting off in the world as the theater was their first jobs.

I could dare say outside of the young men they associated with often at school – presuming they were in high school – how much experience to they have with men. Young men for their own immature reasons tolerated some of the difficult personalities that some of the young women I worked with exhibited. I would dare say some young men didn’t know that they didn’t have to deal with women who had “problematic” personalities. They did so to say they have a girlfriend or just to get satisfied.

The young women on the other hand I would suspect didn’t know how to be themselves. Perhaps they didn’t know every man wasn’t trying to flirt with them. Perhaps they didn’t know that they don’t always have to use their mouths just because they have one. Perhaps some of them being used to being “large and in charge” didn’t recognize every man isn’t looking for that. So many variables in this equation that I could consider and is probably why I never really tried to connect.

So as far as this friction, I wasn’t always approachable to even those young women I might have thought attractive so it’s safe to say I contributed. I do think a lot of this went back and forth, but I find myself wondering years later if there was a point to turn the situation around. Though in the case of Justtheguy who knows if he was successfully able to turn that situation around.

If I believe Nerdlove, perhaps for Justtheguy the issues he claimed to be experiencing is all in his head. With the little information I see, perhaps that’s true. It’s not always a good thing to treat your colleagues coldly. And on the other hand whether or not it gets out there isn’t as much of a problem unless you allow it to be. Who needs to know, why do they need to know, and of course why do they have a problem with it? If they do and it’s just dirt for them, who needs them?

Adulting

Last year, it was around the time The Hole called me for an interview to return I also got a call from a suburban movie theater on the northwest side of the Chicago area. In fact I didn’t get back to them, however, they called me twice with regards to scheduling an interview. However, the store manager from The Hole called me and I took the potential opportunity that was closer to home for yours truly.

Well I won’t spell out what happened with The Hole as of course that didn’t work out. I’ve since returned to the company though at a different location. However even if not interviewing with that theater was a “bad decision” I chose the path that I was familiar with and was most convenient. I just wasn’t feeling that long commute back and forth between a job on an unfamiliar part of the area to home.

Once The Hole called I chose to go online to the HR site for the theater company and withdrew my application. I put my eggs all in one basket, and especially for the opportunity to return to the company where I seen some great gains as far as income and hopefully better opportunities what happened during the reign of error notwithstanding.

img_6333

As far as the theater, this would’ve been the third opportunity to work for that national chain up until being rehired the next month. My two earlier opportunities included the dine-in show I had been working for 8 months in 2016. Both of those resulted in no job offer and likely I’d have been doing what I had been doing at The Show which was simply floor staff. Basically doing basic whatever they scheduled me to do for my shift on any given day. So was I excited to go for this opportunity on the northwest side nope, so I chose not to actually pursue it.

Now that I’m in new opportunities mode, this causes me to think about going being just being floor staff. Earlier this year I pursued the opportunity of associate buyer at my new store. It’s great to continue to seek out new and available opportunities that would be a great fit for yours truly. However, to be honest I still seek out opportunities in the movie theater business. I did admit once that the idea of being a theater manager – something unfulfilled from my time at The Show – is still on my mind.

Seeking out employment in an unfamiliar part of town is part of adulting. You do what you need to do to find the best possible opportunity to pay the bills. If that means you have to go further away from home it was something I had been prepared to do. So far I’ve been lucky and glad that for now I’ve been able to find jobs that were most convenient.

In the meantime, I realize that I’ve been seeking opportunities in areas I’ve been very familiar. It’s OK to continue taking opportunities in those areas and will pursue them when available. However, perhaps another part of adulting is going outside of your comfort zone (in a way I tried that with banking). Either way the best opportunities that will enable me to reach my financial or life goals that will fit me best are those I do want to chase.

Change

adult book business cactus

I’m glad to write this post under different and more positive circumstances. Last time a post with this title was published it was to announce that I had been let go from a job that I really liked.

So I often consider this period of my life a period of significant change. I could start with graduating from college as the start of one significant change. Then I could look at leaving “The Show” as the start of another. And we’re still in the middle of those changes now.

This is the year I want to make some personal changes, although unfortunately I have no idea where to start. Perhaps I would like to change the circumstances of my social life, unfortunately I have no idea where to start. It could be at work, however, I worked somewhere that I became friends with many of my coworkers (hard to believe right?). Sometimes they were cool and in another case they really weren’t and it was time to cut ties.

Often on this blog – a male virgin blogI talk about work. I do believe that is important and in a period of change it’s important not to be stuck. It’s important to grow which is one reason why I left the theater. One of the most important changes I want to make is to truly grow beyond the types of jobs I’ve typically held during my working life.

So this is the year to make some important and key changes. Will it help me in my personal life? I can definitely do something about my professional life. As I’ve been saying (or perhaps I haven’t said it enough times) now is the time to make some plans and then execute them. Now is the time, otherwise the window of opportunity will slowly but surely close.

Finally just to add, I used to say to friends or to myself that I’d give anything to make $20K/yr. That was the standard once upon a time especially since during the course of  my time at “The Show” it’s hovered between $11K to $12K/yr. These days I’m in the $20K/yr range so over time of working at “The Hole” and even with the supplemental job at the “dine-in show” I could say there was a year I made $25k+ per yr.

My new goal is six-figures. Perhaps it might take some time, but the way I see it now is the time to plan to make that goal. I’ve learned that reaching that goal would be easily attainable if I became a store mgr at “Fresh Foods”. However I reach that goal it’s the one attainable long-term goal I can achieve.

Meanwhile I need to make some social goals also…

Nice guys lose

 

I hardly think of myself as a nice guy and I hardly think of myself as a mean person (hard to believe right?). Either way the mistakes made by men as seen in this video well I’ve made them. I’ve been pretty lousy and is one reason why I had very little success out there in the romantic world.

I’ve lost quite a few decent women with these mistakes (or perhaps in some cases they weren’t meant for me anyway). Though for the most part my main issue has been I just loathe making a move. As I have thought about with the women I do work with main thing is to treat them as colleagues and definitely not as potential dates.

One thing I’ve failed to do is engage them. It’s easy to engage the ones I could never imagine dating, but I’ve never done a very good job engaging the ones I would. It’s an odd catch-22 I’ve had difficulty getting over.

One thing I will say about the above video, it’s an odd balance to go from being a jerk to being a pushover. At the end of the day you have to find out who’s for you. The one who likes you for you, will be the one who is for you. That’s what I’m looking for and hopefully it doesn’t take me being a jerk or a pushover to find her.

 

Boundaries

chain linked fence

A fence around my boundaries

It would be tedious to do something of a rehash of my former “friendship” with Anthony the hustler. I would’ve retold one story and then told another one that was largely in the same vein. What you have learned is that Anthony will attempt to crack a door open and then he will try to come right in. I don’t think he can help it…

For the many years I’ve known him my failure was to enforce my boundaries. Perhaps it was his martial arts training combined with his sociopathy, he just has to look for a weakness to attack. He found many, he was looking, and what was his aim it was for his own benefit. Everything he caught himself doing for me as far as jobs, mentorship, etc. was really about him.

Him needing to know whether or not I’ve lost my virginity would in the long run become an edge (I’ve never definitely answered that question but often I try to make it clear with silence that he’s out of line when he wants to go there). He knew to call me when he needs something. If it’s not about money it’s about doing a job application for him. And of course when I look to him as support as a friend, he sometimes has the tendency to add more stress if I want to address one situation he brings up something else that also was a problem.

Remember last month when I sort of “freaked” when he called me and left a voicemail. Perhaps I’m still not certain how to play this. At the same time what I’m sure of now in the new year is that with him there needs to be rules of no engagement. Someone suggested no contact, and I will listen. I won’t tell him off, because I think very little will come of it. It might just go through one ear and out the other and he may go back to the behavior I found troubling. And to start the begging was troubling enough and of course this has to go for everyone. No one will be my friend for long if there is a tendency to beg.

I want to admit something to you all. When he called me last month to let me know he had a “question for me”, I think I know what it might be about. Remember I had ran into him after over a year in his security uniform at a local hardware store. I went to that store just to browse and I figured if I ran into him fine. Since I was without my mother on this occasion, I think it was possible to let loose on him although he might be ready for it.

On the other hand I was really in no rush to run into him. I was about to leave the store until I saw a security vehicle pull up close to the entrance that I was trying to exit from. When I saw that I quickly changed course walked around the store, even went to the bathroom and hoped that once I was ready to walk out he would be further along in the parking lot that he had been patrolling. Once I determined that he was far enough away I drove off and as far as I know he never saw me.

Then the next day after that he calls me, no indication as the question he wants to ask. And since his contact isn’t entirely welcomed I didn’t answer and I waited a few days to answer his call. As far as the question since to this day he has yet to call me back, I’ll never know what he felt the need to ask me if at all. It definitely wasn’t urgent, but knowing him he won’t understand the lack of urgency in calling him back. And while this isn’t the first time I avoided him especially via phone and certainly in real life, I know that this is a problem for him.

So as of now I’m committed to no contact. That means I’ll start removing him from my various social media profiles. He truly is a virus he’s connected to a lot of people from “The Show” even people he didn’t like or complained about. It’s as if he knows everybody and yet no one really knows him or at least the way I do. What sucks in this case is he’ll just mark another target for his needs, but right now the focus is to not allow myself to be his target again.

I expect that there will be no final showdown. If there is, I expect that it might be more stressful considering the person i’m dealing with. Perhaps I may have to actually tell him to “buzz off” and leave me alone – and he may or may not listen. Also consider that if I won’t answer the phone for him he has little issue trying again he probably believes I would answer the phone for him. Then again it’s been over a year since I’ve really talked to him, and often I say that we’re both responsible for that communications blackout.

Finally I want to share this video which informs some aspects of this post and other posts. Some of what I saw in this vid fits him like a T and now I can’t look at him the same anymore. He said once I know how it goes before you do, and now without really trying that hard I understand something about his behavior.

As I hoped to say a few months ago, perhaps this will be the last time I will talk about “The Hustler”. This time instead of saying “the end?” I’ll just leave it at that.

 

Adulting

person using macbook pro on brown wooden desk

I’m thinking about taking the rest of the month off once we get close to Thanksgiving. Just not give this blog much thought after that time until December. I think I have one more post in the pipeline to share before that point.

 

To start why did I title this post “adulting”? To start I wanted to talk about the period where I get to go over my benefits again. Well I have nothing more to add to that other than I get to make some selections that I hope will benefit yours truly at least for the next year. And besides I could actually get away from just simply titling these posts “benefits” as well this is the ultimate in “adulting”.

I think about how years ago while working at “The Show” I had been seeking at the very least a job that paid much better. And as time went on I wanted benefits which was one reason why I pursued working for a bank. It was also why years ago I pursued a mgmt job at a local movie theater chain. I never imagined I’d have achieved that goal at a grocery store.

While toiling at the place I knew as $h17pl@c3 for almost five years I knew I deserved more and wasn’t getting it. Never got promoted, my pay never hovered any higher than minimum wage. Definitely wasn’t going to work more than 30 hrs a week. I got paid, but at some point it was the same old thing every shift. It was time to shift gears as I had been running in place there.

I don’t regret leaving for “Gotham Bank”. My only regret was that I didn’t last long at that bank though what I can say for it now was that getting fired from there led me to find the job that I really wanted. I wanted to work in downtown Chicago and applying at “Gotham” – which represents a national bank – didn’t provide that for yours truly. I look at this as a temporary job until I finally got the job I wanted. It didn’t have to be “Fresh Foods”, but it was the right job at the right time!

As far as leaving “The Show” it was just time to go. That meant that it was time to leave behind some of the people who were still there that I had to leave behind. With my luck many of them were going to get promoted before me. Although if I had stayed perhaps things would’ve somewhat changed for me especially as far as mgmt. Regardless I know that this is one story that we may never truly know and it was just time to take my bag and go home. Staying there didn’t really benefit me…

With many of the people I knew and liked working with leaving there wasn’t much for me to remain there. I’d stay in touch with many of them and meanwhile I have no where else to go but up. While working at a bank didn’t work out for me and I may add will cause me to hesitate as far as whether or not I’d ever return to that industry in the future it’s not a decision I really regretted. Jack V did what he believed was best for him at the time!

And while my time at “The Hole” ended in a controversial fashion (oh be honest with yourself Jack V) it was a great period of time. I got my job with benefits and had some great opportunities to learn different jobs and to move up at “Fresh Foods”. I feel as if I got better opportunities than I would’ve had at “The Show” – and yes from some of the stories I have told about my time there you could say there was “baggage”.

Bottom line is that I had to make some adult decisions that will ultimately serve to benefit yours truly in the long run. It might be changing jobs and certainly jobs that prove beneficial. And of course navigating various relationships, especially professional relationships. My main goal is to do better for myself and do so in ways that only benefit myself and never to satisfy anyone else.

Meanwhile I need to see what’s going on with my benefits. 😛