Smiles

women s white and black button up collared shirt

I realize that many people smile to signify someone who is approachable or personable. We often like to see people smile or indeed in many photographs these days the expectation from the photography is for the people who have their pics taken are smiling. A smiler is inviting and even better viewed positively as opposed to someone who can’t help but frown.

Well I say this to say, I’ve seen a number of women over the years from my youth and onward smile at me. Often I didn’t know what to do beyond look or smile back. What vexes me is could the smile be an invitation i.e. come over here and talk to me. And on more than a few occasions I’ve learned how to take a simple friendly gesture (smiling for example) into a different territory than what was intended by the gesturer.

Which informs on what’s been going on the job for a bit. Charlene in the other dept we make eye contact she smiles and sometimes I smile. I view her as something of a bubbly, giggly, friendly young lady. I would dare say I think she’s beautiful and as I introduced her definitely someone who’s dateable.

Since we basically work for the same company but in different depts though in close proximity I have to remember that in situations like this where you’re interested in someone you’d have to be very careful. So I could take her smiling as a signal of interest or just a signal of being friendly to a colleague. So in this context her smiling as beautiful as it is even with a nose piercing shouldn’t be taken as anything more than just a friendly gesture of recognition.

Like I said I’ve mistaken many gestures from women before and often fell on my face. Especially with women I’m interested in and as it turns out those women aren’t interested (or I somehow turned them off). My goal now is to view women, especially attractive women like Charlene as friends. Say even if I work with them, I have to at least turn the key from merely colleague to friend.

Even with people I work with male or female it takes an opener, however, it’s often a difficult task. How does one turn that key with a coworker? Of course I realize in my case these are just work friendships, will there be opportunities to hang out?

Which I must add, Gerry was in my new store recently. She was the nearby supervisor in a nearby dept at “The Hole” until she left not long before what happened with me. I never would’ve thought she’d find her way back and while I did ask her if she coming back she never gave an answer before the mgrs in that dept interrupted us. I later saw her having a sit down in a public area with dept mgmt and a store mgr. I smiled upon seeing her and only noticed her in passing. And I also know she has a boyfriend…

Anyway being friends with coworkers to the point of hanging out well, work in progress. Especially with the attractive women I see at work.

Why did I never get promoted to mgmt?

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This is back when I decided to finally finish talking about my former employers at “The Show”. My time there had somewhat informed some aspects of how I conducted myself on some of my later jobs. (yes “Gotham Bank”, “Fresh Foods”, and even the “Dine-in show”)

I would like to say that I used my experience here to do better especially at “Fresh”. My time at that theater is one of the reason I look for growth take on new roles in addition to making more money and getting benefits.

Until I wrote this post it had often perplexed me that I never made mgmt. In this post from over a year ago I attempt to explain at least in my humble opinion why I never had the opportunity to truly grow at the theater. It’s as important and answer as any, and it also informs what I hope to do in the future.

Especially if I’m successful in taking on a new role at my current job. Also I may further expand upon this in the future!

Feeling No Love

as jack v continues to finish the storyline involving “the show” we explore why a promotion to mgmt never happened. in this post one reason why it wasn’t likely to happen.

manager-employee

the primary reason why I left “the show” was because of growth as yours truly wasn’t growing at the theater. having worked there for five years especially since it opened it meant nothing not only to the coworkers but to the managers – many of whom came and went over the years. many likely began to view me as a drag and why because everyone had an awful opinion of me. it’s possible that i helped to create this opinion but if someone wants to complain it’s easier for me to say i don’t want to work with them.

it leads to one opinion as to why it never happened was my inability to get along or relate to…

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Pondering…

man and woman eating ice creams

At the new job there had been women I have been paying attention to. In my case, it just means I could be looking at them with longing. I like looking at attractive women and imagining how I could shoot my shot with them. Of course the possibility is still they may look at me and discern some details and decide “there is no there, there”.

As with my former job at “The Hole” the new store has folks in the neighboring dept who are attactive kind of like Mary if you remember her. Of course for the most part no one with those “crazy vibes” however some of the women who work in that dept has my attention and they may even somewhat know me.

The cutest one who has my attention we’ll call here Charlene over the summer likes to come in an pair of Birkenstocks and then change over to her work shoes. She very shapely and one thing about her makes me somewhat unsure, she has a piercing on her face. Not a disqualification, but it might give me pause. Regardless she’s a beautiful woman and hell yes I’d like her hanging off my arm.

One of her coworkers I could describe as Irish, we’ll call her Gabby who is generally a curvaceous woman. She would refer to herself as a “fatass”, however, I don’t view her that way. She just has some junk in the trunk and she seems to carry it well. Also very nice, but not as attractive as Charlene. Still I could imagine myself dating her.

Another one still was often in the background and the first to go by the time the rest of the store gets going in the morning. I never really talked to her she seemed very introverted and if my gaze meets her I often don’t get friendly vibes. She eventually left the store to go to another “Fresh Foods” store so at this point I’ll never know if I could “shoot my shot”. To describe her physically she seems like a tomboy she wasn’t like Charlene or Gabby as far as attractiveness. Somehow she caught my eye and then I though what if I tried it with her.

In my dept, there aren’t many young women I could try anything with. We acquired some college aged associates over the summer and one of them I worked with at “The Hole” two summers ago. Let’s call this young woman Val, and two summers ago her schedule seemed inconsistent as it seemed one week she was off the schedule the next week she was back. It’s like she quit for a moment and then turned around and she’s back on the schedule. I didn’t get it, but then again at the time she was seasonal so unless she wanted to stay there was a possibility that once August or September rolled around she’d be out!

Anyway this summer she seemed to have some very late days. When the night shift normally starts at about 3 PM she might start at 5 PM. And on weekends she might be able to come in at 11 AM. Either way Val remembered me from “The Hole” and in talking I found out that when she giggles she “snorked”, if there was an attraction that took it away real quick. Otherwise I would say she was very young, tall with curves in the right places. Though with youth had the tendency to be volatile with other young coworkers. I found out later she quit out of the blue after almost three months, however, she came into our store letting us know belatedly that she had just left an interview. What can I say she’s young, she just quit a job and then started interviewing…

One more and she’s probably closer to me in age than most of the ones I talked about here so far (I’m guessing she’s in her 30s to possibly early 40s). She doesn’t really speak to me, and like with that other background girl it’s something I’d probably have to initiate. She works in another dept of the store she’s nicely shaped bodywise (hopefully this means she works out). She has these nice grey eyes, and her eyes suggest excitability when they bug out. Those are the types I would stay away from as I could somehow sense they could be into drama, but somehow I want to know what’s going on there.

Of course there are others and most of them are young – yeah I want a young one, however, that’s a hard task the older I get. Most of them work the front end and since they’re young I’m not as sure of them. Then again this is probably the time to pursue them before they can quickly damn a man for being worthless. However once I go through the young women in the front end, this post would get much longer than necessary.

So what have I learned? This is somewhat related and something that I have always figured. I seemed to have issues with connecting with women I like (or better yet attraction). There are some women I’ve become friendly with and unfortunately the attraction from me isn’t there. However there have been a precious few that there could be attraction. What’s vexing to me has been if I can somewhat make friends with women it’s easier if there is little to no attraction. And I’ve yet to find a woman whom I could be friends and felt that attraction.

Remember “Hugs” from a few years ago? She’s one example and  what stopped yours truly from taking his shot  was knowledge that she has a boyfriend to whom she’s now married. What I like about her was that she was the nicest and sweetest woman I knew at that point. I would like to find women like her, the question is if I shoot my shot would my relationship with her work. Is there a way yours truly could screw it up to the point where she isn’t so sweet to me? I suppose there is always the possibility with any woman with whom I could cross that line!

Either way, I still feel as if the best way to meet that significant other is outside of work. It seems like playing with fire to express interest in a woman whom you work with even if she’s not directly in your dept. It’s better if you leave or she leaves the job and then its worth shooting your shot. Hmmm, there are definitely some shots I’d have taken with some of the women whom I no longer work with, especially if they aren’t attached.

On the other hand, after reading a post about online dating (which I’ve never enjoyed) I began to realize how it’s better to do it organically. Online dating or dating apps are not the end-all be-all when it comes to dating. I really got to figure out how to connect with women in the real world. Problem is, I have yet to come up with a strategy for that, and it’s definitely time to do so.

to not act

i found these series of blogs by chance. i have a number of jackie’s in my background, women whom the opportunity was there and did little. a handful are women where there were some effort, however, it often blew up in my face.

i thought you’d be interested in these experiences. the author in question there’s uncertainty if he was a virgin. however it’s likely if the stories all began while in college and by the time you get to the final part he likely has plenty of experience with women.

so go read those three year old posts by panama jackson over at VSB

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

chronicles

….of a 20ish virgin.

i think this will be a series of posts in no particular order. i may talk about women i’ve attempted to speak to or even the ones who tried to speak to me. especially when i was between 20 and 29. of course as happens on this blog i may get lost on other things such as work history or parental relationships for example.

COMMUNITY_COLLEGE

my early twenties had been spent at a community college since i graduated from high school. to be honest i had no plan for life after graduation other than my family’s expectation that i should go to college.

i enrolled at one of chicago’s community colleges and basically was average. somehow  i still had been accepted to a relatively prestigious liberal-arts college in georgia with a similar all-girls school across the street. my acceptance to that school would come the next spring.

anyway there wasn’t much action on the women front. there were a precious few women i could have asked out. especially the ones i went to class with but i was unwilling to shoot my shot. precious few still gave me any attention even if i deep down wanted it.

one semester i got a phone number – a hand written note – from a young woman i’ll refer to as carrie. carrie made a presentation in our social science class about living in public housing and some of the experiences she had. one notable part of this story was that she witnessed oral sex out in the open between people at her development.

another part of the story is that she had been touched by some of the violence that occurs in public housing. for example a high profile murder occurred and she knew the mother who lost her son to the violence. i thought it sounded as if the gang was targeting the mother but instead hit her son.

well it took me a few months to shoot my shot with carrie. and i finally did at the college library. that was at the end of the semester and i had my eye on her and she knew it. for the most part i was just uncomfortable with taking my shot but i took it.

oh yes to describe carrie. she had the nicest pair of eyes and a nice smile. i learned that she had a bit of a playful side that she on occasion displayed with me and with others. i liked what i thought of as her warmth.

one problem, i blew it. we didn’t see each other often after that semester although she was there and saw her on occasion. it was the end of that next semester when i finally called her. and we did talk a little bit then sloppily suggested that we go out sometime anytime she wanted to. that spelled the end for me getting some of that perceived warmth.

near the end i saw carrie again in the computer lab we spoke and she came up with excuses such as she had papers to do – ie the semester was almost over why are you still doing papers. i called her number one more time to talk but whoever answered the phone said she call me back. i never heard from this young woman again. and it took me a year to throw her number away as i wanted another chance and thought better of it.

it’s easy to build up an image in my mind. perhaps i wanted to be that knight in shining armor. my background was much different than carrie’s as i never grew up in public housing so i may not understand it. perhaps she may not understand my background either. either way i got let down somewhat easily and this was a lesson learned. perhaps i need a better approach and i shouldn’t allow something to build in my mind.

hopefully wherever carrie is today she is very happy with where she is today.

oblivious

denial

sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman  for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.

i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.

for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.

i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.

what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.

sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.

sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.

it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.

the pick up

thepickupartist06

i talk sometimes about the art of the pick-up. i’ve had friends over the years try to have me talk to a random woman because they decided it was something i needed to do. at sometimes it just plain wasn’t what i wanted to do so it didn’t happen. that friend would talk about me and suggest something was wrong.

something was wrong, i’m just not comfortable with doing that. it seems i can do it easily with women online just have to come up with something clever to say or just type a compliment. only thing i’ve learned is that some women tend not to respond because they use the excuses of they don’t know me for example.

it’s also a conclusion that women seem to go for men they know or met in real life. some random guy trying to relate to them online in general it seems very easy to cut off. perhaps it’s even easy to cut off a guy who even though they met in real life before if there’s nothing there she can still treat a man as an afterthought.

at times i’ve discussed women i work with. there are quite a few whom i would date at my current job as there are a number of them who would catch my interest. unfortunately even if there were moments where i felt as if i could it’s still uncomfortable. and then of course no matter where you are as far as a job dating could still be a dangerous thing.

i can recognize now that sometimes there’s a delicate balance between maintaining a woman’s interest and sharing a little too much too soon. i realize it doesn’t take long before a woman may come up with any excuse to cut things off. it’s also possible that it wasn’t meant to be anyway.

this could apply to those women whom i connected with online in addition to those i may choose to “pick-up” in real life. another real life thing is also i seem to have a history of not responding very well to rather aggressive women. i’m sure it’s the same for women who don’t like rather aggressive men.

as much as i wish a woman would fall in my lap and or notice me i’ve got an odd catch-22. the women who would make the approach i may not respond well to them and the women i approach may have decided for whatever reason i’m not what they want.

signals

kwhen it comes to my awkward dealings with women i have an interest i always look for signs or signals. the main signal must be favorable to me or otherwise i have a hard time deciding whether or not she wants me. when it comes to waiting for such signals i’ve been burned before.

that being said over the years i have proven to be very oblivious to whatever signals a woman may send. look no further than my story about candace, the signals were there and i chose to remain oblivious. that’s  not the only one, but it’s said only in 20/20 hindsight.

whether or not i get the “go-ahead” signal from a woman the issue with me is how to proceed. with some women all i can do is still screw something up and she’ll lose interest. my experience has been that it doesn’t take long for her to lose interest. you’ll get nothing from her at all if she has none.

my thing when it comes to women is that well you never know if any signals of interest is all in your head. look no further than becky. some of her behavior and what she told me about her “guy-friend” may just be signals that are all in my head.

and yes i am considering the comment made by the unfortunate virgin.

if she talks about her guy friend it may mean no interest. of course even then there is a context, is she serious with him? alas i may not have all the data to determine that. even worse there are those women who would play fast and loose with whether or not they’re with someone. this is something i would want to be careful with.

another thing i have experienced with women is that sometimes the signal i think i see may just be in my head. perhaps i think she wants me to make my move, then i make it and then she shuts down on me. she’s not interested and there’s little i can do to change that response.

then the other thing is if you take too long to make a move, it makes it easier for her to move on. in some cases she may just be pissed that you didn’t make your move on her. more or less how dare you not get in on this action.

man this romance/sex business is a difficult thing to manage. so many variables, personalities, or even thoughts. sometimes normal logic doesn’t even prevail. perhaps i’m not chasing the right ones…

connection? part 2

729bd-022216-3d-transparent-glass-icon-culture-religion-cross-simpleafter some time of no messaging janice has finally written back. earlier i wrote about making eye contact with a young lady (not janice) at collegiate homecoming. it turns out she was there in the festivities and missed her again. 😦

it was noted in part one that she may have a man in her life, but for the moment who knows if that’s serious. all i can hope for is that she’ll be very serious about me in the near future. at least considering that i was unwilling to really go for it when something immediately could’ve come of it. also we carried on an online convo over months and then suddenly after attempting to say let’s go for a movie nothing.

she told me recently that she’s an ordained minister. it was something that has blown me away and causes me to question whether or not i should proceed with her. besides what i wish i could do with her wouldn’t be very christian although i realize one thing. even women of the cloth just like the men still have their desires and they want someone. that someone still has to be a good fit.

at this point, i don’t know about janice but the big picture is maintain some type of friendship with her. i may have my second chance or i may not but who knows it may help me find someone at some point. that or become a pick-up artist in my own right.

the wrestling girl pt. 2

You know with the Wrestling Girl I’ve basically decided not to make any sort of moves on her. Mainly because I think she does have someone. That means she won’t likely be the one whom I can just experience outside of my comfort zone.

On second thought what is my comfort zone, I’m still a virgin because I haven’t been able to get outside of my zone in order to attract a mate. That zone could include the Wrestling Girl. Still it’s funny to discuss what she sort of told me when we got off work.

So we were still in our department and we had a convo about various cheeses. She had her shoes off at one point and I commented rather sarcastically that our area smells like cheese. She shoots back a you smell like cheese and then a random convo starts from there.

Then later we go to our lockers and somehow she talks about her man guyfriend. She claims he loses things headphones, hats, wallets, things like that. I only smile and acknowledge, then she admitted she won’t even let him have keys to her place. WTF????

So I told her that’s bogus, but all she says is that knowing his history of losing things she’s concerned he’ll lose the key to her place. That just means for me that I’d better keep up with my key to her place. Of course, how do I wind up with one of those. 😛

Of course in light of that, I feel as if I know too much about her personal life. It’s funny that she tells me this info though.