it’s not often that i write a post so soon after an event happens, today i’m making an exception. as you know my first cousin mandy had passed away a week ago. she had suffered from kidney failure for decades and was getting treatment so that she could recieve a transplant and she developed cardiac arrest and died. for many years she had resisted doing a transplant and was just fine with doing dialysis until her young daughter convinced her to go for it.
like i said already there is some drama – with things like there are – but i’m trying to write this without drama. in the grand scheme of things the drama is so minor and petty, however, that is not the post i want to write.
it was sad to me to see mandy’s remains in an urn and next to her remains is a poster of her image on an easel. we had missed most of the memorial service as well my mother got lost on the way – she somehow passed up the point where we needed to go on the expressway. and then she decided to change routes again instead of going the way we know and we got further and further away from where we needed to be.
eventually we arrived at the funeral home in indiana and we saw mandy’s mother – my aunt – in a pose of sorts. she was of course grieving but my mother noted that she had just spoke at the service. not a lot of people there are the service other than her boyfriend, my other first cousin tasha and her hubby, her oldest son, another one of my aunts. everyone else i had no idea who they were.
when i finally sat down after using the jon a wannabe reverend was speaking. he was winging his remarks hard. a lot of you knows and this that or another. no coherent message to be remembered here, he just stumbled his way through his message. sorry to say was not impressed, but it is what it is.
her young daughter who was ready to donate her kidney organized the service and of course the drama somewhat involves money – there will be no elaboration because no drama for this. also i’m sure the family grandchildren and my aunt held up well for the moment even if one wanted to be more involved than they other.
as usual i avoided hugs or any deep conversation at least. and in some respects people wanted to speak and i barely say a word. i tried not to get too involved with it, but at the same time i saw this as a very sad day my first cousin mandy reduced to ashes in an urn. i knew this, but wasn’t entirely ready for it.
well this post was prompted by news that my first cousin – mandy – wasn’t doing very well. she was waiting for a kidney transplant – she’s had kidney failure for years and always resisted getting a transplant – and she had a serious cardiac arrest while going for a treatment. then i heard over the course of a week she remained on life support.
now i feel quite sh*tty, i don’t really remember the last time i saw her it has been a few years. we weren’t close, however, i knew mandy mostly while she remained with her mother. her mother whom i discussed briefly here has a bit of a controlling streak which as my cuz got older wanted to get away from.
she would try at least in the years she had been apart from her mother – they weren’t estranged as i knew it, but she wanted to go – to be touchy feely with me. unfortunately i’m rarely cooperative with that. me and her had no real issues though i knew that she could have a very bad temper which could come out unpredictably.
all the same i couldn’t describe our relationship as warm. alas she had a health condition that for many years i may have erroneously blamed on her own mother because she wasn’t the relaxing type. i could say she had the same tendencies as anthony who on occasion came in at the right time, but sometimes will just go rogue and can never predict what they’ll do next.
which brings to mind, while writing this post i evoked the memory of my dad. my cousin had some serious kidney issues that required dialysis. my dad on the other hand just couldn’t quite settle his alcoholism and even worse had severe high blood pressure he needed to treat. unfortunately my dad chose alcohol instead of really treating his high blood pressure. the comparison is that my dad could’ve controlled his condition on the other hand my cousin had controlled her condition and lasted quite a while.
unfortunately after a week on life support mandy passed away. so as far as i know she’s the first cousin of my generation from my mother’s side to die. quite a blow i’ll say. it’s hard to believe that after living with her condition for no more than two decades and on her way to a kidney transplant she’s gone.
i won’t write anymore about the potential drama that could involve my aunt. as for the brief write-up about her a few years ago, she was involved with drama then. this time imagine the drama when her only child dies before she does. very sad…
btw, i wanted to really talk about the life cycle. the life cycle is really something. now i don’t remember what else i would’ve written after that. i just know that i’d have talked about some of the deaths in my relatively large family. regardless i wish you all good health for as long as we have it.
remember cousin natalie? someone referred to her as fake in a fairly recent comment to a post where i discuss one episode years ago about her. well she sent me a fb friend request.
i didn’t think that would happen i noted one of our last interactions. point the finger at me for both of them, but i already knew i wasn’t feeling it. however, due to her rather gregarious personality she thrives on trying to reach out to me.
what probably doesn’t help is that my mother is now retired and also a year ago had her hip fracture which put her out of action a bit last year. regardless no message no warning just send request, although i didn’t always give warning when i sent a friend request. 😛
all the same because i’ve essentially decided i need not connect with her online her request will remain on the backburner. if i did accept i will take great pains to block her from seeing my timeline – not that there’s much to see. also she won’t see what i’m really into.
that’s what i have done for my brother and his two sons for example.
anyway another tidbit cousin natalie and aunt laura are sorority sisters and have been very close. however as natalie is considered far more gregarious while laura’s personality is much different. as a result laura’s attempt at closeness with me is even more awkward.
my mother was discharged from the hospital finally. of course her appointments aren’t likely to change. there is a need to clean the house and of course for a little bit of time she has to wear a mask. her immune system was weakened by her recent treatment although her treatment has seen her fracture finally heal. my mother said something about abnormal cells in that particular bone.
we had to stop by an aunt’s house – one of my dad’s sisters. she has a xmas party almost every year. she wanted to fix a plate for us and we dropped by. because my mother had instructions to stay away from places with a lot of people she stayed in the car while i went in and waited for a plate. either way my mother got a call from her own sister saying that she was at home. we got the plate and headed back home.
my other aunt was on the ready to help us out a bit making some plans for the house in light of my mom’s current situation. she used to come over and help clean the house in the past though these days she lives much further away. the next day after my mother got out of the hospital she helped push up an easy chair upstairs so that there will be a comfortable chair in living room.
also there is some anticipation of other relatives from out of town dropping by in the near future. so we’re attempting to get ready for that also.
the night before on xmas eve after visiting my mother i went out driving after leaving hospital. just drove around chicago a little but and it’s not often that it’s just me and her vehicle at home. admittedly she purchased insurance for me so this i won’t get caught flat footed in case something happened out there. thankfully this is not something that has come to pass.
drove along lake shore drive, then drove into downtown chicago by my job. made a stop at the nearby theater to see what was playing but decided there wasn’t nothing for me to see on that occasion. drove my navy pier and then went further on lake shore drive to the north side. drove along broadway up until i got into wrigleyville and drove past wrigley field.
then began my return home on the south side driving on the magnificent mile and then through the loop, even drove through the show. just circled seeing the shopping center it’s located in. as a matter of fact the last time i drove there it was in one of my mother’s old vehicles this was the first time i drove by in my mom’s new car. then finally stopped by for a polish sausage near maxwell street before returning home.
now we see how everything goes from here. without a doubt the past two weeks have been most interesting…