friend request


remember cousin natalie? someone referred to her as fake in a fairly recent comment to a post where i discuss one episode years ago about her. well she sent me a fb friend request.


i didn’t think that would happen i noted one of our last interactions. point the finger at me for both of them, but i already knew i wasn’t feeling it. however, due to her rather gregarious personality she thrives on trying to reach out to me.

what probably doesn’t help is that my mother is now retired and also a year ago had her hip fracture which put her out of action a bit last year. regardless no message no warning just send request, although i didn’t always give warning when i sent a friend request. 😛

all the same because i’ve essentially decided i need not connect with her online her request will remain on the backburner. if i did accept i will take great pains to block her from seeing my timeline – not that there’s much to see. also she won’t see what i’m really into.

that’s what i have done for my brother and his two sons for example.


anyway another tidbit cousin natalie and aunt laura are sorority sisters and have been very close. however as natalie is considered far more gregarious while laura’s personality is much different. as a result laura’s attempt at closeness with me is even more awkward.





on my ipad i have access to my mother’s emails. my mother has easy access through her own mobile devices both iPhone and iPad to check her home emails. i see all types of family stuff and that includes drama.

for example a few years ago cousin natalie – whom you may recall as a bit player in some episode involving a girl at college – has some drama that aired out in email form. her husband made an appeal to us – natalie’s family – via email to provide an explanation and to reiterate his love for nat.

to be honest that was uncomfortable and whatever small issues i had with nat up until that point, it was unfathomable that there would be trouble in their paradise. to be honest perhaps i’m cranky but i wasn’t a fan of her husband either. i used to call him a jackass, but i can’t say my reasoning other than because he married natalie and her and i weren’t that cool.

so a few days ago my brother wrote my mother an email. to paraphrase he doesn’t understand why my mother insists on her grandchildren – my brother’s children – email her instead of a quick phone call. he feels like she doesn’t want to be bother and feels she favors me because i have no children. huh! 😕

my brother and i have had our issues. and my mother and i have our issues. they flared up a bit when we came home from a family reunion. just disagreements between parents and their children and between brothers. only thing is that i’m really unsure about the nature of my brother’s issues.

at this point my only option is to stay out. and for the time being deleted my mother’s email from my iPad.

the birds, the bees


I sometimes would say that women at varying points would try with me. Question is what happened during those times where I just wouldn’t go for it.

For a long time it was part of my psyche that women didn’t like me. Another part was discomfort in this idea of wanting someone and what I had to do to make it happen.

One time when I was 13 or 14 my older brother told me about the concept of “pussy money”. My brother had been courting various women for many years and at one point had sired children whom he didn’t have custody at that time. Still he did what a young man in his 20s would do.

If I recall I found a nude pic – which wasn’t easily processed by a 10 or 11 year old kid – of his then girlfriend. It never occurred to me that she is seen in bed with no clothes on at all. Seeing her in all her glory and incidentally I remember her fondly though not for being nude. My brother is married now but I don’t view his current wife the same way.

All the same for whatever reason his explanation of the birds & bees fell flat. I wasn’t ready to hear about the game men played for the affections of a woman. I had my own plans for failure as it turns out.

OK before a man gets nookie he has to talk to girl and then find a way to drum up interest. Better yet she may already be interested and then you offer to take her out. And the thing is for any small reason she can come up with she can reject you.

I suppose in my own way I rejected the conventions that men use to attract women or indeed perhaps a woman’s need to accept or reject a man’s advances. Although I realize that it’s put a little too simply.

I’ve only recently became prepared to take a woman out. If a couple starts off it’s often expected they they go out a man or even a woman for that matter can’t expect to simply take a potential mate to their pad and expect something to happen. I can take a woman to a movie although I’d be up the creek if she expected to be taken to a restaurant. Restaurants are not something I do other than fast food unfortunately.

For most of my 20s was spent at school chasing the young women at a college near mine and mostly online at that. I was largely unemployed then so if a woman looked only at dollar $igns I had very little to offer. Perhaps I have more to offer now, but it just depends on what she is looking for in a mate.

In the meanwhile as I still plot how to attract her the only thing I’ve figured is who she may be. As I have a college degree my hope is that she is educated, it wouldn’t matter if she had advanced degrees as much as she is compatible. It wouldn’t matter if she made more money than be because at this point it may be a given.

Next question is what have I been missing so far?