after starting this blog, i joined a web forum at http://www.love-shy.com/lsbb/. the one reason i found this site because i began looking for answers without having to pay a therapist. not that i think anything is inherently wrong with me, but sometimes it pays to have to talk through whatever issues i may have. the issue now is well i want to lose my virginity before i turn 40 which is not that far away anymore.
that’s as much of an issue as me wanting to marry and have children. and somehow i’d have to get through the barrier of finding a suitable mate who is able to accept me for who i am. as much as i believe i have things going for me, it’s difficult still to find a woman who is interested in me. of course the bad thing is women are picky and have no problem picking apart what they don’t like about certain men.
i consider the story of candace that i wrote about a few months ago. i noted that i’m not entirely certain what my deal was other than her approach. i considered her aggressive as far as attempting to keep my attention, but i was for whatever reason cold or unresponsive for the most part. at some point in spite of her ways of letting me know what i was doing was mean she eventually left me alone.
was this a case of being love shy? a case where i was fearful of giving a girl a chance who clearly wanted one. of course, this could also be a case of i made a good call – if it could be called that – because if i got her or her me who knows what direction our potential affair would go. indeed i’d have been left in the cold anyway.
either way the thing is if the right girl got me to settle down and evaluate why i haven’t been able to go all the way with a woman i have always had a script in mind. if a woman wondered why it hadn’t happened for me and ideally all over me discussing this i could flat out say i just don’t know how. that would be true because basically i have no experience in even attracting the attention of a woman.
most of the time it just happened, but often it’s also a matter of keeping her attention. in my case these things just happen with no effort on my part to get her attention. consider candace, although something about me got her attention whatever it was.
either way the answer may not be important only to help me get to the point where i’m very comfortable with a woman so that we could have a relationship. in addition if that happens even before i finally am able to answer the why of my dilemma perhaps the question won’t matter.
I admitted to a coworker fairly recently that while attempting to sidestep the idea of being a virgin that I consider myself celibate. It’s sort of the truth even if well it’s involuntary in some respects.
I wrote once about my choice to largely abstain from sex. Of course as it turns out I abstained from relations of any type with a woman for a significant time. Either way celibacy and abstinence has proven to work out for me in the long run.
I’m probably somewhat better off without being involved with a woman who may not be a good fit for me. Definitely better off without children running around and no way to truly take care of them. Perhaps even the baby mama drama that may come with that.
My personal philosophy is that people should wait for sex. Could be anything a life milestone, money, the right person to do it with. Bottom line is that sex need not be given out as if it’s candy.
That being said the coworker I’m sure has picked up on my lack of experience with women. When we started periodically getting extra money on our paychecks he sort of paused when I told him my response to one of our female supervisors. After saying he wanted to spend his extra money on her she loved it.
My response to her same question was after indicating that I’d save some of it. I mentioned going to Las Vegas which she seemed to like even if it wasn’t entirely serious. Well sorry I had to come up with something and his thought was that I could’ve done better than that. Instead of making it about me, I have to make it about her.
I also told him I was interested in Ms. Crazy Vibe. While at first in an inebriated state he said he’d arrange something later on that response became I can’t handle her. We both agreed there is some crazy in her…it must be the gray eyes she has.
So now I’ve come up with two different terms for my “condition” as it were. Other than calling myself a virgin I’m either a person who believes in abstinence or I’m celibate. Perhaps there’s another term to add which hopefully will be discussed later.
I had said that I chose to abstain from sex when I was young. It was not my goal back then to have children without knowing what I would do with the rest of my life. Of course at this point I still haven’t entirely figured it out other than finally finishing college after many years of struggle.
Also just as stated earlier there wasn’t a huge religious basis for my abstinence. It seems right to not to having sex before marriage. It also seems right to not consider having sex unless you know for sure that it’s what you want to do and you’re sure about the person you want to do it with.
BTW, my belief is that when students in school learn sex education not only should they learn about condoms or protection they should also learn about abstinence. I would hope that the adults around them have enough faith in them to make their own choices about sex.
Also I’ve abstained from alcohol because of the effects seen first hand. That’s not to say I’ve never had a drink, however, my goal remain to stay away from alcohol. It’s not in my best interest to become an alcoholic.
That being said it’s highly unlikely that I will be going to any bars anytime soon. OK maybe go to a brewpub just for something different but that’s probably all. Probably any other venues that serve alcohol, although it’s highly unlikely that I’d order a drink.
I’d hate to think that not wanting alcohol is the reason why I’ve never had any relations with a woman, but at this point this is just grasping at straws. We shall uncover the real reasons…