on saturday night one of the ladies in the other dept noted that she remembered that becky bought me a cupcake and it had writing on it. the young lady who recently got promoted to supervisor we’ll call her gerry was in fact there that day, her coworker mary – aka crazy vibes – wrote on that cake although gerry didn’t exactly remember.
part of me could take this to mean something. that is well if i’m not a very important part of her work life let’s say then what happened last year was quickly forgotten. it happens often enough especially when i make the wrong move then someone is mad at me. then for a minute the relationship goes cold or that person needs an excuse anyway.
gerry i’ve been led to believe is in her 30s and outside of my race. for some reason i’ve had my eye on her, but unsure how to approach. in fact, i alluded to her in “awkward” a while ago an unsolicited friend request from someone who used to work at our store “professed” his love for her and she accepted a date with him.
physically she’s not perfect, but decent. she doesn’t seem like the friendliest person in the world – she’s not mean or anything – perhaps temperament wise she’s similar to me. although i’ve always imagined myself with a more extroverted person at least as a wife, but this isn’t about marriage it’s about getting to know these women before i even get to that step.
i suggested she finds me on fb and perhaps i’ll make it easier for her. we have mutual friends including becky so it may not be a tough sell. perhaps the next time i see her i’ll give her the e-mail address to find me and see what happens. or more likely since we do have several mutual friends i’ll just have to do the manly thing and aggressively add her to see what happens.
either way the reason i gave was i learned on that evening that her birthday is fairly close to mine. so that means we’re both sagittarius…hmmmm.
A few days ago I ran into one of the many young women I only know through fb. We’ll call her Andrea and who knows where she had been coming from but we ran into each other in downtown Chicago. She apparently recognized me as someone from our respective colleges – i.e. I attended that liberal arts college & she attended the all-girls college.
To be honest it caught me off-guard so I didn’t adjust accordingly. Andrea is a petite woman with full lips and on this day sporting braids. She said she was in town from New York visiting family. She is originally from Chicago and said she’s staying at a nearby hotel at least until the weekend.
When she saw me I was just leaving the movies nearby and told her what I saw weirded me out. It was funny but just weird. She was aware of another movie of local interest about the Obamas and their love story. Sorry to have disappointed her but I didn’t go see it.
Either way we had a nice chat and spoke of finding my way to New York to catch a tv taping in future. Possibly SNL although I no longer consider myself a fan of that program but something worth doing absolutely. Other than that I suggest we keep in touch through fb and we parted.
Also should be noted that we had over the years talked to each other on fb. Sometimes it’s as much sizing each other up more than anything but sometimes my idea of being a potential match is funny. Perhaps I’m looking for pretty girls who won’t give me the time of day.
Either way just for an exercise what if I chose to pursue this young lady?
admittedly i seem to be the master of unrequited crushes. there have been a number of girls over the years with whom i’ve held great interest. there are a precious few still who know and may have an inkling. and i’m still a virgin…regardless i noted this with a coworker whom asked me a random question.
then a few days ago this convo i overhear between this coworker and a person in our neighboring department. this coworker noted that some guy friend requested her out of the blue recently on fb and then turned around and professed his love for her. some of that has to be an exaggeration but i can believe he made sure she knew he really likes her.
this guy used to work at the store reportedly and he quit at some point. according to her he would try to speak to her and finds himself mumbling. she basically knew he liked her and then he grows some courage after he quits finds her on fb and sends a quick message.
and this part amazes me she found his approach – though i could sense a creep alert coming – endearing and she agreed to go on a date with him. who knows if she actually went on said date, but i was like unbelievable. he went for it and it worked! 😮
in my case there have been precious few where i tried to get away with that. nicole is one prime example although a lot of moments led up to the eventual rejection there. she’s not the only example but there are women out there who became aware that i like them. of course i never seemed to be able to pursue anything with them.
this leads to one challenge…what if i found a bunch of women particularly online – no one i currently work with – and just expressed interest in them? what if i told them i liked them? of course these women would have to be vetted at least for having a boyfriend or whatever. if i was free and clear to be so bold why not.
sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.
i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.
for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.
i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.
what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.
sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.
sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.
it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.
In light of my mother’s medical issues and her having to go through surgery I realize another thing that problem keeps me away from meaningful relationships with women. She often has the tendency since before and even after her surgery to want to hold my hand. Today when I went to visit her at the rehab facility she reached for my hand again and noticed how not very touchy feely I sometimes am.
This is no surprise to her I stated on this blog before I’m not a hugger. Especially those family members who insist on a hug every time I see them and have this need to force themselves on me because they just have to. But this surgery and my mother’s extended absence from home has brought out this touchy feely need in her that I may not always respond well to.
Since before I startes this blog and even now I’ve looked up anything on older male virgins. Well perhaps anything on virginity with men and women. Could my issue be social anxiety? Perhaps I have intimacy issues (perhaps “love shy“)? Could I be not very approachable?
I also found advice that suggested that if you don’t show interest in someone with whom you have an attraction or whatever then that’s the basic problem also. Lots of questions but uncertainty about the answer.
What I can say for sure is I’ve entered some odd territory her and I’m learning more about myself while she’s gone to rehab.
i’ve started to realize sometimes i have little idea how to turn something in my direction. especially when speaking with women online on these dating sites.
if i move too fast the convo will go nowhere and i don’t get a date at all. if i don’t make any moves then i still get nothing especially if she won’t make a move. of course aggressive women are a different story altogether.
elise and i have been texting for a while and suggested we do lunch. well at this point we still haven’t gotten together. still working on her but we’re still having a casual convo with our smartphones.
jennifer – the plus sized girl getting her PhD – well i’m very tempted to ask if she dates at all. one problem she doesn’t live anywhere near chicago. i’m also very tempte d to offer to get her up closer to me for a day or so. a graduate student should have time to unwind in another part of the country. 😛
i have to figure out how to get comfortable enough with these women to move somthng forward into my direction. that direction could be anything to a relationship or sex. i haven’t had many role models and at that many guys my age are doing their thing on dating scene and also as married men with children.
i got to break through because i’m looking for that girl to squeeze and hopefully i can know fatherhood at least before i turn 40.
so after taking my time coming up with some compliments i got elise’s phone number. the next question is what now?
setting up a date would be great though i recognize perhaps it’s too soon for that. but to be honest i’m more keen on that than having an extended phone conversation.
do you want to know what got it forward other than coming up with three compliments….talking about those lips. i was straining to come up with the final compliment and then i looked through her fb profile and noticed her lips.
part of me wants to say to her… “i want a kiss” the first time we meet. she can either say yes or “get away from me”. this may disappoint me, but at least i got this far. even better the prospect of actually getting together to her although she’s in the suburbs which is one downside.
bottom line, it’s difficult for me to get out to her. and to consider it’s difficult for me to even want to think i can get this close to a woman and think there’s a chance for me. one way to calm this down is to realize i’m just meeting her because it’s not that serious. take it easy not take this very serious and remember that this is one step to realizing one life goal.
that goal being everything from realizing a relationship with a woman that will lead to sex. to be able to do so before my 40th birthday which sadly is not that far away at this point.
and yes i recognize that i have to meet her first. talk to her and set up a date. perhaps even build enough attraction so that not only would i want to kiss, but that she’d want to give me a kis.