Calamity & reconnect

Let me start that as we look at this month three years ago, I began hearing from the Hustler/Fiend again. I noted a number of times that he called me four times during the course of the previous month. And after my birthday in December I began seeing him on my facebook feeds on occasion. Especially once when announcing that I had seen Black Panther.

He called three times in February from a number I didn’t recognize. I realized this only after his third try that this anonymous individual decided to text “Call me!” Who is this asking me to call them? Well I sent such a text and got an answer I gave him a martial arts related nickname and he decided to use that to confirm who it was. Of course this was during that time where I was recovering from the “Reign of Error” and just decided I didn’t want to talk at all. He would call one more time after a week.

I get a number of calls from numbers I don’t recognize and usually don’t answer so I didn’t realize until this text message that he had been trying to call me. Perhaps he didn’t realize I didn’t have his other number, perhaps he thought like most people I’d just answer, only he really knows his thought process. What I do know is that he’s done something like this before in the past.

Just about four years earlier he texted me from a number I didn’t recognize letting me know that one of the managers from The Show had been let go. He wouldn’t respond to a text message requesting identity until I messaged him on facebook and he confirmed. Again probably didn’t recognize that I didn’t have whatever new number he had.

Regardless in my head the thought process was he probably had moved on. He got his last score, and perhaps if he did call it’s not to genuinely talk to yours truly but because he needed something. While I have no idea why he wanted to re-establish contact my belief is that he wanted me to call him because he needed something. It was almost similar to how the episode “One Final Drop” started off with a quick text “Call me! 911!” which indicated a sense of urgency more for him than me. Instinct told me this was about a small cash infusion something he can’t help but ask for on occasion while trying to tell yours truly what to do.

Again for me to avoid calling him once he started coming around the context of that time in 2018 was that yours truly was unemployed. I saved up over $10K since about year two or three at the theater only to have to cut that in just about half because of the somewhat unexpected event of a job loss. Therefore no income had been coming in on my end and thus if he expected a small cash infusion well in those circumstance why would I help him. However, there isn’t a satisfactory answer to this question as I never sought a resolution. At the same time a cat & mouse game had commenced he was the cat and yours truly was the mouse.

Meanwhile it was time to hit the Fresh Foods beat as it was my desire to return especially to the Hole. It wasn’t to be and I wound up going to another store from the Hole. We’ll revisit those episodes where I interviewed to return to my old team at the Hole in the next post.

Also later this month I wanted to share an episode where the Hustler had effectively used yours truly to fill out his own job applications. Well for those of you who have been following this, you shouldn’t be too surprised.

The blackout

This post from last August illustrates the communications black out with my old “fiend”. It began in earnest two years ago this month. Back in February ’18 the Hustler began hitting my phone again. He called three times from a new number with no inkling of who it was and then sent a text asking me to call him.

I just had to send a text establishing who it was, well they confirmed my suspicions. I never called the Hustler and he called one more time after that during that period. Of course there have been other attempts at re-establishing the dialogue.

One main reason for the blackout back then was being out of work. If he knew what happened, he’ll find different ways to let me know where I screwed up. I’d feel worse about it than necessary.

Of course let’s not forget why I gave him that moniker. Usually keeping the dialogue going can only serve to cost me. If I answer the phone then as now it will cost me.

And now that it’s February time to extend the conversation about other topics.

Feeling No Love

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I know that since last year a lot has been written about the events surrounding the “reign of error“. Often I look at what happened with that period the one good thing that happened during that time – eventually yours truly would begin to cut ties with the Hustler. How did that come about?

Well as stated in another post – “One final drop” – I stated that the soft communications blackout started after his last text message to yours truly. He reminded me that he’s working on paying back the money he borrowed and reminded me of another piece of news that I had actually told him. Anyway I attempted to call him back after this and actually left a voicemail with him and he never returned my call.

At this point I just stopped trying to really chase him down…

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Holidays

Well time to take a break until after the New Year, however, there are a couple things I want to note.

First I deleted my facebook dating profile. Either I won’t play with it anymore or just start fresh and retool. It’s like my forays in such apps as Happn, Tinder or even Bumble. At least with those other sites I’ve had some success though no dates, I probably didn’t have the same patience with facebook. I will try again ultimately.

Finally, I heard from an old “fiend” on Christmas unexpectedly.

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Just to recap, the last phone call was in January and any other attempts at contact was on facebook in February and of all places on instagram in August. I had to change my settings on facebook so that he won’t feel as free to communicate with me there. I outright blocked him on instagram to really discourage contact.

Of course that still leaves my phone which he would still call and text. It’s just him finding a door and trying to open it and continue the “situationship”. It’s evident he wants to pull me back to “Planet Hustle” no matter how long I avoid his phone calls and texts or even social media.

Actually, I know he knows how to get that theatre as I’ve met up with him there twice in the years that I’ve known him.

Anyway, in 2020 we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Years!

Happy Holidays to all!

Odds & Ends

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First off I finally found out what my mother has and once she finally called out the name I just forgot about it. It just doesn’t have a simple name that proved to be very memorable. Her condition has to do with the condition of her bones.

Over three years ago she got diagnosed with a compound fracture in her hip. She never fell or anything it’s just that her bones had started to weaken to that extent. Thus she had to do surgery to correct the fracture undergo physical therapy before she came back home. Then had to go back into the hospital for further treatment which was a tad scary because what they had to do meant that we really had to clean the house for her by the time she returned.

So even she admits for this condition she will be under continuous doctor’s care. There was another scare because earlier this year she did actually slip and injured herself getting into her car one morning. She left the car on the streets during a blizzard and thus the running board she needed to step on proved to be icy. Her shoulder remained in pain for months after this and they had to treat that.

The treatment kept her in bed and she realized they needed to fix something because it got her out of whack. This was somewhat scary and I sometimes forget that she’s a senior citizen now she’s getting older and she is going to ail.

* I hate to keep being the bearer of more bad news, but last month I learned that one of my second cousins died. He was one of my first cousin Mandy’s brood and he didn’t get to attend his mother’s services in the winter of 2018. His people couldn’t find him or get into touch with him because among other issues he’s homeless.

Also I understand that he was suffering from a mental illness and his grandmother who likes to take control of situations was even scared of him. So scared that on New Years Eve a few years ago she wanted to spend the night at our house bringing a baby (from one of her foster children) has no business with her and effectively ruined my evening. On that day I would’ve been in front of the TV bringing in the new year with New York and then Chicago.

Alas I hadn’t the best relationship with him other than being a jack@$$ in the many times that I had seen him when he was living his grandmother, my aunt. I was about as warm to him as I had been to his mother I’m sorry to say especially in recent years. So with this in mind when my mother told me I just looked back as if this caught me entirely off guard. At least I knew cousin Mandy was ill for many years and it caught up to her, but her younger son’s demise was so sudden.

I understand that due to his condition he was undergoing some major infections which I also hear cost him some toes and he had to be quarantined. He wasn’t taking care of himself and if he was out on the streets he probably had a difficult time doing so. Sadly I even heard that my aunt was about to ask another relative if her grandson could sleep in an abandoned car for shelter. Not a good situation for sure.

Worse still I presume that at the time he passed away he wasn’t that far away from us. Or at least he lived in a shelter not far from us. I don’t relish meeting up with mentally ill family members, however, if that could’ve made a difference. Even I had to walk up to his older brother who’s also suffering from some mental illness as the end of Mandy’s memorial service even with my own sense of unease at knowing his condition also.

There’s also Mandy’s daughter in the picture but eavesdropping on my mother when she’s on the phone it sounds like she’s not doing great either. Perhaps not in as bad a shape as her brothers but I do think that the nature of Mandy’s relationship to her mother, my aunt seems to be the result of a fractured family. Sadly in spite of her best intentions I get the idea that my aunt might be in part responsible for it.

The second cousin who died was very young which only heightened the surprised expression I present to my mother at the time when she told me.

* Finally When I first wrote this post it was for a different reason. I wanted to talk about some of my family. Primarily one of the cousins I first noted on here cousin Natalie. I may have more to say about some members of my family as I wrote about them over the summer. Some of these are old stories that I have little issue putting to paper as it were.

All the same I don’t know how much I want to tell but in light of my revelations after visiting my reunion this past summer some of my relationships with the folks on my mother’s side especially are worth some form of re-evaluation. Part of this is knowing who’s in my corner and who’s only trying to keep up their own appearances.

I will admit that sometimes I’ve caused some friction and when they quickly address it they move on and I’m not always so willing. Perhaps what I might expect from my folks aren’t always when I get. Often my thought process with them as of late has often been of asserting their role and mine in the hierarchy. And some of the friction has been that I often don’t really care about this and act accordingly. Also bear in mind that for the most part I only meet with them on a yearly basis though lately during this decade I’ve not seen them often.

I don’t often call them and very rarely have they reached out to me. And yes I’ve been lousy at reaching back also. Either way change and growth is always about re-evaluation. However, I have to decide who’s worth the effort and who’s really not. Another thing to bear in mind is don’t make an already strained situation worse.

Not so important update

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Here is the update I had been sitting on with regards to the Hustler that isn’t necessarily breaking news. Hey I figured the way that he was sooner or later I’d hear from the man. Guess what I did earlier this month. Even got a screencap of it.

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What was this for, well I had a video on my personal instagram page of myself going through northwest Indiana on the train. Hadn’t really heard from him since he wrote a comment to my facebook page with regards to a status about my interview earlier this year. He hadn’t tried to call me since January and all the sudden he’s expressing interest in this year’s jaunt.

Funny part about this is I believed he was rarely on instagram. The only post he has up is of himself in a martial arts uniform posing seemingly aggressively. The only comments were from one of those grandmothers whom he would say does the nastiest sexual act and expresses a very pleasing purr. Of course I call this showing off of these older women granny porn though nothing sexual about the pics he wants to express the mentally images….

Anyway the last real jaunt that I shared a number of posts on instagram was in 2016 going to the west coast. Our relationship was very different back then but he largely expressed no interest. He even called on our way to a national park and it was seemingly a quick call and I do remember I kept telling him that his call might drop because I was riding around in the “sticks”. Otherwise that trip he showed very little interest in, especially on instagram.

Well because I’ve stayed out of contact with him here he comes. Probably not that interested but if he knows that I purposefully staying out of contact with him or avoiding any contact with him it becomes a magnet for him. So for his trouble I just blocked him on instagram. Don’t know if that sent a message to him, however, for now it’s my signal to him that times have changed. At least for me, it’s for the better!

 

The blackout

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No one’s home…

I know that since last year a lot has been written about the events surrounding the “reign of error“. Often I look at what happened with that period the one good thing that happened during that time – eventually yours truly would begin to cut ties with the Hustler. How did that come about?

Well as stated in another post – “One final drop” – I stated that the soft communications blackout started after his last text message to yours truly. He reminded me that he’s working on paying back the money he borrowed and reminded me of another piece of news that I had actually told him. Anyway I attempted to call him back after this and actually left a voicemail with him and he never returned my call.

At this point I just stopped trying to really chase him down. He was going to take his time repaying the money he found it necessary to borrow. It’s not like I hadn’t seen this before and the last time before that he borrowed money he took over a year to actually pay that money back. It was a good sum more than the outstanding he owes now, however, he did finally pay that back. That was until he needed some money again….

Once events ran their course at the Hole and I no longer had a job there I really didn’t want to talk to him. Things had been going well there and he knew there would be a mgmt change because I had told him. However we stopped communicating and he didn’t know what was going on. He to this day doesn’t know what happened with me.

I can’t believe that it was a long period of time where he just didn’t say a lot to me. No phone calls or texts, just from the both of us – a blackout. No communication at all through our normal channels, however, for a period after his last text message we exchanged messages on facebook. Usually sexually charged memes from him or in some cases flyers for his martial arts themed event he had been promoting. Usually in response I’d share links with him that should’ve been of interest but knowing him he didn’t bother. It seems as if nothing was really of interest to him at any given moment he might blow it off.

Until October we were exchanging messages on facebook with nothing really said between us. My mind hadn’t entirely shifted on him until events ran their course at the Hole and it was time to find another job. Strangely I didn’t lean on him for job leads primarily because most of his past leads never interested me. They were mostly for jobs he were keen on they were highly paid, union, and mostly very blue-collar and unskilled. He liked security, however, I chose my poison in that case as I’d rather deal with the unpredictable public than to sit in an empty building by myself during a night-shift.

I also knew that as things seemed to have went well at the Hole he suddenly decided to inject that I’d make more money at a competitor – Finer Foods – and even asked if I was “ready to jump ship, yet”. I was doing the buy/receive shifts with an opportunity for true growth and had gotten much closer in recent times to getting a real promotion. All the sudden Anthony starts his strange campaign continuing to mention that I’d make more money elsewhere. Often I show no interest stating something real crazy would have to happen before I’d even consider it.

SPOILER: something crazy actually did happen and it was the extreme thing I hoped wouldn’t happen…

Either way as far as what happened at the Hole, I definitely had it in my head that he’d have something to say about what happened. I’d get the feeling he’d make me feel far worse about it than I needed to hear at that point in time. I also got the feeling that the way things were going there and things were going great that he’d feel some strange satisfaction once he knew it fell apart (some of it was the mgmt change and some of it was of my own doing).

If you’ve read enough about him Anthony is a man who can be very easily dissatisfied. Since leaving The Show where we’ve formerly worked I know of seven jobs he’s held. It seems he held most of those for a number of months before he’d move on. Perhaps in one case he actually did suffer a work related disability as he was limping on one day that I saw him. So it doesn’t take much for him (even if the next job offered a few more cents when he tries to negotiate) to just jump ship.

In realizing this I know that if things were going well he might say it’s a great thing. On the other hand since I’ve mostly known him to be very hard-up and often struggled money-wise just based on his begging that in his psyche he’s not really happy. Do you get the idea that often he’s envious when someone is doing better than him? Do you get the idea that he keeps people miserable like himself?

With that being said once he did try to get back in touch with me around the time of that blizzard in the Chicago-area last year I had a number of choices to make if I answered. Do I take the call and talk about what happened the previous year? Do I take the call let the subject come up and lie to him about the job? Do I just ignore the phone calls?

The first two questions have been answered. I never took a call from him especially before the episode “on the spot” My mind had shifted away from him and I actually could view him as a user. He didn’t need me before he started trying to call me again. There was no need to lie about my situation if I just ignored his phone calls. This is where we are now.

Some of the issues that occurred between two years ago to even now have changed but the blackout endures. No more requests for money and indeed no more drama. No more father-figure antics that I never really asked for from a friend. Main thing is as of now no more ammunition for him to come through a door and assert himself.

Which reminds me, there was lately another attempt at contact. As I’ve stated it’s no longer important to make it major news, however, it was a very unusual attempt. Indeed it was akin to his comment to my status on facebook with regards to my interview (and again he really doesn’t know I’ve had an interview). Either way his last attempt on another social media site will be written in a future post.

Update

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So I felt this post was necessary to update you all on modern day issues with The Hustler. I’ve been taking steps finally to show how uninterested I am in any contact. It’s necessary to note that his last attempt at contact was a comment to my status message regarding my interview for associate buyer.

Once he commented I changed the setting for that post to exclude him from seeing it. Basically to discourage him (as difficult a task as that is even if he meant well in that case) from thinking he’s privy to any updates on what’s been going on since we last saw each other. I’ve also elected on facebook to restrict his access to my profile and to not see any further stories I may share on my profile. Seeing him watching my stories just shows that he lurks on occasion so I want to discourage that also.

As far as blocking him for some reason I’m just not ready. I’m just in the mode of putting up barriers so he’ll know that things have changed between us. It’s just not as simple as coming and going as he pleases or coming around when he wants to be bothered. In other words I’m making my decision as far as what direction our relationship needs to go. In this case, there is no relationship – no friendship, no mentorship, no male role model, etc.

So thus so far his last phone call was in January and February was my interview when he commented on a facebook post I shared. He hasn’t attempted any contact since then and as always my hopes are that he gets the hint and realize that I’m not really going to respond to him. Of course it’s also recognized that he is a man of great persistence when he wants something so my hints and messages are not what he responds to as long as he gets what he wants. Right now what I want is to ultimately move on from a relationship that hasn’t benefited me in any real measurable way.

Oh yeah I forgot Anthony has children and ran into the daughter whom I formerly worked with at The Show on the train last month. She was with a friend and didn’t appear to recognize me though I recognized her. Who knows if she communicated with her dad as far as seeing me since she never really said anything to me. I had been tempted to tell her that her dad needs to leave me alone. Then again I realize that I shouldn’t involve her in that, it might make that situation worse. Who knows if she understands the nature of many of her dad’s relationships…

And as always if anything new develops you will see updates here.

 

Stress

Well a minor update and I hoped I wouldn’t have to mention Anthony’s name again (or I suppose I really don’t have to). Anyway he called me again recently. Funny thing was I was talking to my mother in her bedroom and heard my watch rattling on my dresser and later looked on my phone guess who it was.

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So four times in one month to start, then a text msg four mos later, then another phone call two mos after that and then finally a voicemail four mos after that. I also ran into him unexpectedly at work as a security guard at a local home improvement store. One month after the voicemail he calls.

I won’t change my  rules of no engagement, however, it’s apparent that if he wants to call you he will call you. Ignoring him be damned, it’s not enough discouragement for him. I could block him on my cell and as stated I plan to block him on social media (though so far he hasn’t used facebook or instagram to reach out. He seems to have abandoned twitter altogether. He’s not a very adept user of technology other than his usage of a smartphone and his history has often been of great persistence. Especially in the fatherly sense although that’s the problem it enables his sense of domination.

Either way nothing has changed, he needs to remain one less “stress” off my plate. I was almost getting upset of his lack of recognition of my non-interest in talking to him again. But I turned around and said no sense in getting upset about it. He’s just being him, self-centered as ever.

Update

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Not a major update, however, I believe this to be necessary. As I noted recently that my old hustler Anthony who is an older martial artist former co-worker at “The Show” had called me again recently to leave a vague voicemail. He only said that he wanted me to call him back as he had a question for me.

Well I waited a few days to call him back. When committing I had just dialed his number saved to my phone. It rang a few times and then it just went to voicemail, then I hung up without leaving a msg. And surprisingly despite his seeming eagerness to get the communication going again he hasn’t yet called me back.

This has me wondering if this is it? No more calls? I think his past behavior says otherwise. If he feels as if your time is his time and/or he needs something he will give you a call. If he senses you want to pull back it’s in him to come up to you and look for an understanding.

I know that I’ve spent time whining over this during the past year. And as stated this is some uncharted territory for yours truly to sever a friendship that was never really beneficial. He’s benefited with small cash infusions which was something he had been looking for once we started working together at “The Show”. And while he’s given me job leads which never led to offers and unsolicited advice there’s very little benefit for me.

As far as what to do about him. Well it’s been suggested that I have absolutely no contact with him. Those who say so view him as toxic or even a sociopath. Another suggests that I call him when he tried to contact me most recently. And at that if he tries to start something just bail, end the call. Regardless I suppose the communication blackout remains I called and  he never answered.

Even better if he wanted to know why I blew him off this year he blew his first chance when he didn’t call me the night I saw him. And I blew my chance to explain some things to him when I essentially ignored his call for a few days. He also blew his chance again when he never called me back after my own “late” return call.

Then again, as much as I do want to “tell him off” I don’t know if it’ll have any results. Who knows if he’ll just revert back to the behavior I have always found problematic. And it also didn’t help that I allowed him to get away with it. And now that my birthday has passed and I’m in my new year perhaps now is the time to change the rules of engagement. Or more accurately establish rules of no engagement.

BTW, I’ll admit that the heat of the “Reign of error” once I got let go from my job at “The Hole” made it much easier to start cutting contact with “the hustler”. If he came looking for money there was no free cash to hand to him. So once he finally came around calling earlier this year it was easy to recognize that he was looking for something and just not respond. Not that I ever had to tell him, however, he needs not know that I was out of work. And knowing him I’d really hear it from him, especially losing a job that I really liked.

Beside he knew that I liked the job and what does he start doing? “You’ll like this company better”, or “come over here you’d make more money“. I’ll bet he’d start working on me to come somewhere he’d want me to be. For now we probably will never know.

Reconnect

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Anthony called me again, this time while I was at work. He doesn’t know exactly my work situation so thus well he doesn’t entirely know whether or not I’m available – at his beck and call. It almost echoes the time he called me at work I txt him back telling him I’ll return his call later and he replies with “Why don’t you come down with me to Finer Food’s, you’ll make more money and you’ll be closer to home”. It’s as if he needs to take the opportunity to convince me to change jobs for him.

Anyway allow me to give you a quick timeline.

To start the last time I ever talked to him was back in June 2017. During that month he puts on a full-court press starting with a “call me 911” txt. He calls me two more times before eventually I call him back and at that point he gives me a pitch basically letting me know that he needs to borrow some money for his son’s medical bills. I agree and we later meet at a barbershop where he proceeds to just pivot our conversation into some areas I think he shouldn’t but won’t enforce my boundaries on. No need to go into that again at least to keep this point simple. Just know this had been the last time I had seen him…

One thing I learned about him was that for some reason he needs me to know some of “Deranged Barney’s” movements. Perhaps he saw him on the train one day or he wants to go over the last bizarre incident that almost cost me my job at the theater and Barney lost his job over it himself. He will casually bring up his name in conversation which leads to the last time I talked to him on the phone. Which was near the end of that month.

Which leads to the last time I called Anthony which was after I ran into the deranged one. To my disappointment Anthony couldn’t even relate to the fact that I wanted nothing to do with him. His only words were to tell me that it was cold for me to just walk away from him with no response, no reaction. I could’ve just said “Hey what’s up! How’s it going?” And says all this knowing the history which is very contemptible perhaps on both sides admittedly.

For some reason he never caught on to my clues to end the conversation and get some rest. He continued to complain that he was soooo tired – I’m lead to believe he had the early shift at his store on that day. Finally I just simply said to him that he should get himself some rest and I’ll talk to him later. The last time we connected by phone.

He txts me the next month letting me know some news that I had already told him. For example I told him Harve got promoted at “The Show” to senior mgr and yet he tells me the same news I already knew. He makes a mention of the money he owes me from last month. I attempt to call him back and my call goes to voicemail, I leave a msg and he never replies. Alright!img_2594

He has no idea of some of the changes I went through at “The Hole”. Basically there was a period of radio silence between us and we’re both responsible. For a good period I never rushed to get in touch with him and nor was he in a huge rush to be in touch. He also evidently changed his phone number so the number I had been txting and called in the past probably no longer work. And besides there was a time I’m pluck him out of the ether to talk to him. Strangely enough that has changed and only because I came to some conclusions while he decided to not say a whole lot from roughly July last year to February other than wishing me a happy birthday on my FB wall during the holidays.

Before he starts calling again he writes on my FB status with regards to a movie I saw and states “You never said what theater you went to”. Finding that irritating I simply delete his msg no word no warning just delete. He has the tendency to open some can of worms almost as if he thrives on it!

Then February four phones calls from a new number I don’t recognize, and by the third call Anthony finally sends a txt telling me to call him. I ask who it is since he never identified himself – remember I don’t recognize this number – he confirms I fail to call him. After this he calls one more time I just let my cell ring…

Then near the end of June he txts me about a movie palace that is expected to be refurbished by the city. He just sends a txt and I miss it for a few weeks and had no plans to respond.

Then this month he calls me again while I’m at work. I see his name on my phone as a missed call though so far the only phone call I see for that day is from him. As I began to realize he’s a persistent fellow. And this is how we did become friends years ago, I back off and he just plays smarter. Though the difference between now and years ago when we first met at $h1tplace is that well we don’t currently work together now!

That’s the timeline and it appears he may remain persistent. I feel as if that’s how he had been when we first worked together in 2011, he was going to seek an opportunity to connect. If my distance wasn’t an indication to him he was going to keep working on it perhaps because he realized that it benefited him to do so. And wasted little time in trying to take advantage, especially when we first met.

The radio silence continues as I just find plenty of reasons to believe he was never a friend just a user. And true to form, I’m guessing Anthony has no earthly idea why I’m ducking his phone calls. Assuming he’s thinking much about it, and knowing him if I do get into touch with him again Anthony is just going to interrogate me demanding an explanation as far as why I won’t speak to him. It’ll be about why I won’t talk to him and why am I avoiding him and it’ll never occur to him that it’s his behavior. If I tell him he still won’t understand.

For now I feel as if the best move is to do nothing and just don’t be in a rush to respond to him. Let him show his persistence even if so far there are months in between his attempts to contact me.