memorial service

it’s not often that i write a post so soon after an event happens, today i’m making an exception. as you know my first cousin mandy had passed away a week ago. she had suffered from kidney failure for decades and was getting treatment so that she could recieve a transplant and she developed cardiac arrest and died. for many years she had resisted doing a transplant and was just fine with doing dialysis until her young daughter convinced her to go for it.

like i said already there is some drama – with things like there are – but i’m trying to write this without drama. in the grand scheme of things the drama is so minor and petty, however, that is not the post i want to write.

it was sad to me to see mandy’s remains in an urn and next to her remains is a poster of her image on an easel. we had missed most of the memorial service as well my mother got lost on the way – she somehow passed up the point where we needed to go on the expressway. and then she decided to change routes again instead of going the way we know and we got further and further away from where we needed to be.

eventually we arrived at the funeral home in indiana and we saw mandy’s mother – my aunt – in a pose of sorts. she was of course grieving but my mother noted that she had just spoke at the service. not a lot of people there are the service other than her boyfriend, my other first cousin tasha and her hubby, her oldest son, another one of my aunts. everyone else i had no idea who they were.

when i finally sat down after using the jon a wannabe reverend was speaking. he was winging his remarks hard. a lot of you knows and this that or another. no coherent message to be remembered here, he just stumbled his way through his message. sorry to say was not impressed, but it is what it is.

her young daughter who was ready to donate her kidney organized the service and of course the drama somewhat involves money – there will be no elaboration because no drama for this. also i’m sure the family grandchildren and my aunt held up well for the moment even if one wanted to be more involved than they other.

as usual i avoided hugs or any deep conversation at least. and in some respects people wanted to speak and i barely say a word. i tried not to get too involved with it, but at the same time i saw this as a very sad day my first cousin mandy reduced to ashes in an urn. i knew this, but wasn’t entirely ready for it.

 

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past tense: the ride back to “mission”

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right now i’m in the mood to reminisce. tonight jack v discusses again the period of time after his first semester away at “mission college”. let me assure you the above image doesn’t entirely reflect how i view the situation.

the summer after i went away to school at “mission college” there was a family reunion. i briefly told one story about attending a family reunion planning meeting hosted by my aunt laura. this meeting was where she decided to see if i wanted to speak where i briskly said no and she jumped in her seat as if i struck her with lightning.

my aunt nadine had picked me up at “mission” and then brought me further out to a local restaurant for this meeting. after the meeting nadine went home and sends me back to “mission” with cousin natalie. had no choice in this instance as i didn’t drive myself needed to go back to campus and my aunt does a lot of driving so perhaps she was tired.

unfortunately with natalie & her husband nathan this ride wasn’t going to be a quiet one. natalie wants to have a conversation and i likely wasn’t that interested. probably was tired myself as it’s a long ride to where the restaurant was. as often as she could both her and her husband forced themselves to laugh at whatever weak witticism i seemed to have. i tried to be funny, but honestly i was in an uncomfortable situation and was unwilling to adjust to it.

she tried hard to get me to talk about the women i met from “hillman college”. if you remember natalie tried to get me to talk about essentially “nicole” – who i actually met during this first semester away from home – almost two years or so later. when i return after a year-and-one-half absence i attempted to make some moves and it didn’t work out for me – may tell that unfortunate story one day.

as for this particular period of time with my roommate introducing me to women at “hillman” i was a long way from establishing anything remotely resembling friendly relations with the ladies. unfortunately my cousin wants know about my romantic life it was her primary expectation. however if she was starting to decide if i was going more and more anti-social perhaps she was wondering if i wasn’t able to form a bond with women as i was unwilling to bond with her as a cousin.

here’s the thing, natalie likely knows that i was close to her younger sister. she tried to really stir something up in me with regards to her. at first mention, her husband responded.

nat: tasha is coming to town later this week.

nathan: oh yeah?

nat: jack?

yours truly: yeah?

nat: tasha is coming to town later this week.

yours truly: i heard

you know to explain i can’t remember if my aunt or mother told me she was in town or i just heard this for the first time from natalie when her husband responds. the fact that she brings this up is trying to change the dynamics of the conversation hence when her husband answers she merely calls my name and repeats what she just said.

in a few short minutes we arrive at my dorm. nathan wants to know – likely being nice – if he should drop me off in the back. i tell him he dropped me off in the right place….in haste. get out and acknowledge because they were expecting me to wave and they drive back to the burbs. meanwhile after that adventure near the end of the term back to reality and finish my semester as it turns out not so strongly.

perhaps another time, i’ll discuss the family reunion. there will certainly be more to say about this particular summer. especially before eventually talking about my senior year of high school.

friend request

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remember cousin natalie? someone referred to her as fake in a fairly recent comment to a post where i discuss one episode years ago about her. well she sent me a fb friend request.

huh???

i didn’t think that would happen i noted one of our last interactions. point the finger at me for both of them, but i already knew i wasn’t feeling it. however, due to her rather gregarious personality she thrives on trying to reach out to me.

what probably doesn’t help is that my mother is now retired and also a year ago had her hip fracture which put her out of action a bit last year. regardless no message no warning just send request, although i didn’t always give warning when i sent a friend request. 😛

all the same because i’ve essentially decided i need not connect with her online her request will remain on the backburner. if i did accept i will take great pains to block her from seeing my timeline – not that there’s much to see. also she won’t see what i’m really into.

that’s what i have done for my brother and his two sons for example.

sorority-sisters

anyway another tidbit cousin natalie and aunt laura are sorority sisters and have been very close. however as natalie is considered far more gregarious while laura’s personality is much different. as a result laura’s attempt at closeness with me is even more awkward.

 

issues

question

on my ipad i have access to my mother’s emails. my mother has easy access through her own mobile devices both iPhone and iPad to check her home emails. i see all types of family stuff and that includes drama.

for example a few years ago cousin natalie – whom you may recall as a bit player in some episode involving a girl at college – has some drama that aired out in email form. her husband made an appeal to us – natalie’s family – via email to provide an explanation and to reiterate his love for nat.

to be honest that was uncomfortable and whatever small issues i had with nat up until that point, it was unfathomable that there would be trouble in their paradise. to be honest perhaps i’m cranky but i wasn’t a fan of her husband either. i used to call him a jackass, but i can’t say my reasoning other than because he married natalie and her and i weren’t that cool.

so a few days ago my brother wrote my mother an email. to paraphrase he doesn’t understand why my mother insists on her grandchildren – my brother’s children – email her instead of a quick phone call. he feels like she doesn’t want to be bother and feels she favors me because i have no children. huh! 😕

my brother and i have had our issues. and my mother and i have our issues. they flared up a bit when we came home from a family reunion. just disagreements between parents and their children and between brothers. only thing is that i’m really unsure about the nature of my brother’s issues.

at this point my only option is to stay out. and for the time being deleted my mother’s email from my iPad.