Streak Era pre-game 2012

This was the year that I began job hunting as ultimately The Show really became a dead end for a variety of reasons. For one it was becoming apparent I wasn’t getting along with the mean girls of $h!tplace and this enabled the Fiend to get into my head even further. My income definitely wasn’t going up as long as I stayed there as my wages were stuck at the prevailing minimum wage at the time. Of course they were stuck at whatever hours mgmt set for regular workers at the time.

Socially I was $h!t to a lot of people, there were some allies however for a good period of time I wasn’t in the right state of mind perhaps until finally leaving The Show. If it seems as if you have to just about fight almost everybody at anytime it’s not a good environment for anybody. Just make a plan and leave in that case or mgmt might decide to side with those who really were causing problems and they eliminate you from the workplace. Strangely enough that rarely happened usually threats but nothing more perhaps mgmt liked easy scapegoats.

Anyway that year started with a bang and calmed down for a bit then summer explodes with issues. Almost like the previous year with Missy who after some time she just left me alone. Pushing her back gets her angry, ignoring her makes her angry, complying satisfies her, however, it may ultimately cause more issues. Especially if she’s willing to run to mgmt for any and all issues because well she did call herself a b!tch.

What an odd year and yet I wasn’t entirely ready to face that it was time to leave. To the Fiend’s credit it was his idea that I pursue the mgmt opportunity at a neighborhood cinema, which fell apart. Not only the prospects of getting the job, but the company itself later that fall.

To be honest looking at the job description before he approached me on this I was like not ready. However, Anthony to his credit said go for it. “You got the experience” he stated. So I went for it and just thought of it as my escape hatch and well you know the rest of the story.

However by the end of the year, I just decided it was time to leave of course it still took over two years from the time of my very first interview of the streak era in August 2012 until October 2014 when I finally got a job offer with Gotham Bank. And interestingly enough that era was started with a mgmt interview with the neighborhood cinema to ending with a mgmt interview with the national theater chain.

Long story short 2012 could be a year of calamity, however, not the year that 2017 became. I consider 2017 more of a calamity because what happened back then actually hurt as it was 180 degrees from how that year started.

I wrote about a crisis a few years ago and further explained it some time later. I feel as if the crisis was created more by the influence of Anthony who often didn’t mind stating that he felt I didn’t belong at The Show. At the same time I wish it was more apparent that it was time to leave The Show as nothing much was going on there to advance me further than where I was.

The time to make a change as slow as it turned out has begun. It’s just hard to believe a lot of these events happened a decade ago!

Election Night 2016: time suckers SHOOT

Feels like the right time to revisit this episode from over five years ago. I can connect this with the last convo I ever really had with The Fiend and it turned into such an ordeal in my humble opinion. I think in both cases we just needed someone to talk to and for me in my last convo with him he wasn’t just not as willing to talk or listen as I feel as if I was on Election Day.

I may have been looking for reassurance because what led to the last convo I considered a bit triggering. It wasn’t so much that he just couldn’t empathize in that moment it was that he was in no mood to really listen to my thoughts on it. It’s one thing if it wasn’t something he really wanted to touch, however, in the months leading up to it he was mentioning a subject that was more or less a no-no for me. And at that for me to take on that subject I thought was a no-no for him however as stated in yet another post this was yet another way to further his own negativity.

Now as far as election night 2016 I don’t know what he was looking for other than to rant even as he was patrolling a grocery store parking lot on the graveyard shift. As far as I remember we never really talked about that election that year. It was a most unusual election and the results was for many unexpected. Perhaps he took an outcome for granted and it freaked him out very easily.

I think he really exposed his own hell, fire, and brimstone alarmism on a night where I was just ready to call it a night. I didn’t have the same type of alarm that he did as far as who was winning. When I think about it, just wasn’t sure where that election was going just knew that neither candidate for President appealed to me though it appears Anthony had picked a horse and wasn’t happy.

He chose me to call and repeatedly referred to the man who became President-elect a racist, rapist and declared there was going to be a race war. He also declared that he was going to move to Canada and this country is screwed. I was not in the mood for a real political discussion and definitely didn’t want to engage with someone who was very upset and unglued. While trying to have a balanced approach I told him the other candidate wasn’t all that he just stated that “we’d be screwed even less under her”. This was when I asked if we could change the subject and he agreed.

Of course we talked about a range of subjects in that moment but here’s where the convo just went into a strange direction. He asked if I saw the latest Marvel Comics picture Dr. Strange. When I answered in the affirmative then he asked “who did I go with?” When I answered no one he launched into a strange lecture about how I needed to start dating or all the women will start laughing at me – oh right that’s encouragement.

He noted that I was a loner “which is just fine with you” but I “make good money so you really don’t have an excuse”. He made a pitch for me to again use PoF.com. I just said OK as if to say this convo isn’t going any further and he had to keep it going “I know what that means. Give me one reason why you can’t do it.” I didn’t give him a reason just my typical way of dealing with something like this is to say hardly anything as if to say I’ll consider it.

To give some background he knows I like to go to the movies but as a “mentor” it was important for me to take someone to the movies. That was his priority, why I have no clue as stated many times on this blog he’s a disappointed father that’s his schtick. I just think in his mind he feels like what suits him is for me to have some female companionship. On the other hand while he claims to get a lot of action with the ladies to one time graphically telling me one sexual encounter with a grandmother during that period I just see a man who’s just single and chasing pu$$y not really companionship.

Aside from the fact that since I cut ties now he later became engaged. YaY him as long as he’s serious which I suspect he probably isn’t but that’s not my business anymore.

Anyway as for PoF.com he’s mentioned that site to me before. When we were still working at The Show we were regularly taking the train back to the south side from work and he would start mentioning that site frequently. His main selling point was to predict that “you could get laid by next week“. As far as how his campaign went I just wasn’t interested. I checked out the site and saw nothing I really wanted to connect with out there.

I usually just demurred and stated that I didn’t see the point and I liked connecting with women who went to school at Hillman College. Well not specifically Hillman I was more referring to connecting with women on Facebook before they had their own dating services. He was not deterred it was his mission to get me to connect with a woman as me being a man without a woman was just an issue for him.

He would at that point probably 2012-13 just would follow up with me. Did you finish your profile? Did you upload a profile pic? I usually just said no and probably cited finances as far as why I just didn’t have much interest. For those of you who have kids, you put on the pressure then you find out how uninterested the kids are in your ideas here’s a good example.

Anyway until election night 2016 he brought up PoF.com again and as it turned out for the last time. The difference between 2016 and just about four years earlier was that this time he dropped the sales tag of you could be laid by next week to just get a date and get you some female companionship before you turn 40.

However, as far as me not having much success with women he couldn’t help but continue to take his shots. Even kept mentioning the name of one young lady he insisted I take to a comedy show at a downtown theater which fell apart because I just wasn’t into it. He wanted to keep blaming me for what happened with that until I saw the confused look on his face with no further answer beyond “you blew it with her.” The look on his face was basically I’m no longer buying that answer and he knew it. He ultimately left it alone.

Anyway let’s turn this 180 degrees and discuss how he ranted about some women near the end of our convo. First I had to listen to him rant about the elections now I had to hear a rant about how he was talking to a woman over time and some other woman he knew decided to interfere with the motive that “she was lonely and she didn’t want her girlfriend to have anyone“. My advice which I hope was sensible – and could probably be easily ignored by Anthony – was he should just leave them alone which he easily agreed stating that he already has. There I go being a friend to someone who really was no friend of mine.

Anyway what a strange up and down conversation. Frustrating, tiring and a bit long lasting two hours, I didn’t go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. I missed some of the results but that’s OK did some catching up as I wanted to follow this one.

To give you a break down this happened about a month after the episode of The Next to Last Drop. I do hope you follow the original Election Day post.

Also it was election day somewhere in the country on Tuesday, hopefully you did your civic duty.

Climax revisited

Another critical thing that happened this month during the past decade was my dismissal from the Hole. I call that day now and forever the climax of the reign of error. I wrote briefly about one of the after effects of that period which is yet another mgmt change at my former store in my former dept.

I don’t really want to rehash what happened back then although I do have a story to share about that moment. I relate it to what happened during the past few months and note the similarities and differences. However that will be another time.

I have to say that it’s something that I have to take responsibility for as stated here on occasion. I had the wrong boss to play around with and perhaps I was in a situation that perhaps allowed some complacency. It was something that I had taken for granted, however, once a new boss was installed all bets were soon off. It’s like he honed in on something he didn’t like and he pounced immediately. What makes this story laughable was that the situation didn’t work out for him either.

Regardless if anyone wants to think about one cosmic reason for what happened. Why did I “point out”? Why did I have to be late that one last time? Why didn’t mgmt at the Hole from Rog to Morley accept that delay slip from the transit authority? Those are questions that may never be answered. And again this is something I want to cover at a later time.

Long story short, aside from those unanswered questions the “cosmic” reason for this very disappointing result is what I have been talking about since 2018. I’ve already discussed yet another after effect of this era which was my situationship with the Fiend had changed. And I’ve also written what I consider now the strains within what I would now refer to as a very odd friendship.

I feel as if possibly remaining at the Hole even in a somewhat diminished capacity would likely mean that perhaps I’d continue that situationship. More requests for money or even more negativity. Once I started on a new course during that summer he really ramped up his negativity. Even decided to engage in the diversion of trying to get me to leave for his preferred company and “make more money”.

However, if I suffered an unexpected reversal and had no “decent money” coming in why would I help him? Why would I accept a message to call an anonymous person who turned out to be not so anonymous because he merely changed his phone number? I realize a lot of his actions weren’t reasonable overtime and seemed to change with his moods or even his needs. Why did it take me so long to finally do something about it?

Of course I might emphasize there was a strong possibility that I’d have to listen to his negativity about the bull$h!t that happened at the Hole. Perhaps he’d start off positive but knowing his general patterns he’d probably find a way to question me as far as why this happened and how it happened. He’d be a disappointed father who’d determine that I’m unreliable and what happened showed why. Of course this is coming from someone who never had a real plan that hopefully would propel me forward other than chasing other jobs that would provide nothing more than another few cents on top of what I already make anyway.

Well to change the subject slightly with this pandemic and what happened at my current assignment I suffered another reversal. Perhaps it’s only served to put some things into perspective and perhaps to reinforce what I’ve determined since the “climax” which is that a job is nothing more than a means to an end. One can work to earn money however there are other ways, however, while you’re working why not maximize your potential while you’re at a company. If it’s not possible then move on!

What I hoped would work out at the Hole didn’t which I can attribute to my own complacency and the changes occurring in such a short period of time back then. Perhaps that’s a bad habit that I need to really take care of NOW. This was yet a hard lesson I need to take to heart.

What’s new with the job?

The new receiver had recently started in our dept. In fact I had no idea he was going to start I come in and he’s at work already. He starts at 4 AM and usually gets off at 12 PM. He’s pretty fast, but to stop myself from nitpicking I keep my distance since my attempt to score the position left me feeling jilted.

He’s actually getting better at neatness, which I do believe is my strongsuit. Problem is if I make everything look in order then the next nitpick from mgmt would be speed. Because of the belated feedback my boss gave me with regards to the then open position I worked a lot faster when I took care of the product. Sadly too late for them to change their minds but eh…

Regardless as I can say about others we just work differently. It’s not a bad thing everything needs not be done my way, too bad others won’t see it that way. Also the new receiver is getting much better at what he’s doing. Bottom line is getting better is a long term process.

The last time I talked about this I don’t remember if I ever discussed his background. The man in question had worked on another team overnights. He’s probably used to putting things away while the store is closed and he certainly makes good money presumably. As I’m trying to do he is looking to expand his roles at Fresh Foods. I still have to say it sucks that I still couldn’t get close to consideration.

For the most part I keep my distance and focus on the floor. I also see that our new receiver will go on vacation and I’ll be doing it for those days he will be off. But if you don’t know I’m trying to figure out what’s next I feel as if I made the milestone I needed to make with this company or am close to it in spite of the hiatus from 2017-18.

Recently I’ve asked one of the supervisors in my dept how can I do additional training into buying. He just said go to store mgmt and let them know of my interest and go from there. It’s something that should be done on the clock as opposed to at home. I just want to make the efforts to learn the roles that I want.

It won’t just be given to me. I have to make some efforts.

October 2014

I wrote a version of this post back in 2017 and find myself very dissatisfied with it. So I will rewrite it with a very different focus.

October has proven to be an important month and seven years ago it represented a transition from my job at The Show to another job at Gotham Bank. It was a long time coming after two years of job hunting with some starts and stops and frustrations. At this point my search for a job offer was finally ending.

The situation at the cinema was mellow for the most part. Well almost as there were still odd conflicts though once I did turn in my two weeks things calmed down. Some of the mgrs I seemed to have not done very well with even started talking to me again. Were they glad I left for something better? Which is strange, wouldn’t they want to be rid of me? Some of them acted like it!

The coworkers I didnt get along well with – often teenaged girls or the meangirls of $h!tplace – gave me some distance expressing their silent disdain. That’s OK perhaps one day they’ll get the job that they want. Perhaps they need to find out how to get along with people better.

I had a list of things to complete before I finally started on my first job at the bank. To be fair it didn’t start off very well and set the tone until what would happen in December. At the same time there was some excitement or at least that’s what I wanted to feel about my next move at that time.

Who am I kidding? I was apprehensive about this move. It was time to move on from The Show, however, perhaps I was unsure about this. Perhaps I didn’t really want to leave the cinema. Isn’t that strange to not want to leave a place where you were so frustrated, miserable, or sometimes isolated? Yeah it was but then some things to consider.

First off I’d be working closer to home as opposed to near the vibrancy of downtown Chicago. Not to say that was a problem, however, it wasn’t ideal. My four interviews with different Gotham branches three of them were at branches in or around downtown and who hired me the one branch near my part of town. In a neighborhood that was sketchy, in fact a neighborhood where Anthony’s martial arts school was. It was a culture shock to actually work at that branch and experience the slicksters, the problems, well things you expect working with the public. Now I’m really responsible for the money.

Though in my optimism if I could make it at that branch on the south side perhaps I could make it anywhere. Perhaps even go to the main branch in downtown which I learned intimidated the temperamental supervisor Minnie at my branch. Ugh it just didn’t take too long to realize this wasn’t working. My mother’s job was nearby at the time sometimes after work I would hold up in her office and sometimes I run into her colleagues who would note my banking job trying to encourage me. I just wasn’t feeling it…

Meanwhile at The Show as I get on-boarded and do training off site from the branch. I was working my last few days at the cinema. A long time in coming – the victory lap was ending and my last day ever as an employee there.

Once the training was over I went to the cinema closest to where I would be working in the future at the Hole. The picture I saw on that evening was Dear White People. It was an entertaining satire that I enjoyed and a great way to bookend the most interesting era that I was finally leaving behind.

I was leaving behind The Show and I was leaving behind the Streak Era.

Allow me to share Time from the film Inception soundtrack. It’s a great track which could work with this story I just told. Inception was shown during my first year at The Show and is legitimately one of my favorite pictures of all time!

The next to last “drop” 2016

I’m still struggling to come up with a final post on the Fiend so I just simply have settled on this story. It will take place just before the episode election day. It was a nice fall day as we’re having currently in Chicago.

Whenever I talk about Anthony the Hustler/Fiend my goal is to tell that story straight. One thing that I striven not to do was to go on the attack against him. Perhaps the various monikers that I have given him including the more frequent ones in addition to a hard-up old man might skirt the line as far as personal attacks. And I also want to note that I strove not to really exaggerate my stories about him. As far as whether or not I was successful in my writings to stay away from attacking I’ll leave up to you all.

The monikers and stories I have written about him are based on my interactions with him. So a lot of what’s written are real life situations. And as stated before you will see a common pattern with what you read and it’s hard to really do anything with a lot of situations. For my purpose it’s just me collecting and analyzing the data.

Around this time in 2016 I answered a call from Anthony. I do recall that he had been calling and texting and for some reason we never did connect. When we finally did I said something sarcastic about not having a sense of urgency in responding or returning his calls. He had to respond to that wondering what’s wrong. In fact it seemed he was making an effort to read me when he did get me on the phone.

As we were talking he seemed to notice my silence as he starts talking frequently asking “What’s wrong”. He noted my lack of sarcasm on my call though usually when I get into that mode he would often get offended and will express it….like a disappointed father. Strangely on this day I was a tad subdued because if he’s somewhat putting on a full court press – not that he was blowing up my phone though he was certainly trying very hard to get in touch with me not like the later episode One Final Drop.

A few times I had to tell him nothing was wrong but if I was silent I was expecting him to get on with the point because I knew there was one. At some point he reached it which he stated “Another reason I wanted to talk to you. I need some money…”

Boo! I stated.

He didn’t understand in this moment that I had objected to his request for money. However I was going to give him some money I just wasn’t at the mode where I got sick of it although this was irritating to me for sure. It’s not like he was doing this frequently but it was enough times that it was on my radar. Up to that point if he’s getting something from me it was a free lunch. Either way to respond to his response to my “Boo” I just simply told him that was my sarcasm that he was waiting for.

We did meet later and he had no money for his lunch. When I asked him if he had anything he just shrugged. Basically I was paying for his lunch and I gave him some as he termed it running around money. He claimed he didn’t have enough money to eat all he got on this day was $100 that I took out of the bank for him. I think I expected him to pay this back later but then there was other money from way back when that I had expected him to pay back.

He infrequently does but sadly there are moments where he might ask to borrow money again. Sometimes money on top of money he already owes. Either way something was wrong with what was going on and I knew it. I mean I already knew it but just not enough will at that time to cut it off.

When we were eating I told him about the episode Petty in full. He would state for the record it shouldn’t have went that far with the House Manager, General Manager and the young woman Kelly. Then at some point he makes reference to me being virgin thinking it was funny stating how I’d fill my girlfriend up covering his smirk with his hand. He knew he was out of line but just didn’t have a filter, he never had a filter. And just like I said that I should’ve left him on the expressway during the summer of 2011 I should’ve got him and left him at that food place we were at and let him figure out where to get his money from.

Either way later on that day he got his money. We take a train back to my house where he left his hoopty. On the way back we were talking about taking martial arts classes he was suggesting something connected with a church that he never gave me info on. Somehow he mentioned that he had been trying to get me to go to his own martial arts school – the one he decided to ask for money where he just simply stated he needs some money – and then I told him ultimately that I didn’t want to go to his martial arts school. He just stopped as he was about to speak probably offended by that but then kept it moving.

I forgot to reference the episode Applications. This was when he stopped at a store near The Show when he saw a job posting looking for workers before the store opens to stock the shelves. He seemed very excited about it and he later utilizing some excuses tried to get me to do his application for that job. Well I didn’t want to do all that work for him on that day.

Then he calls me on the evening of election day upset over the man who won the election. And after I tired of his repetition over who he thought that man who became our president for one-term was. Then we pivoted to other subject including a brief lecture on how I needed to start dating or the women will start laughing at me.

And then we go to the holiday season of 2016. He called me the day before asking if he could bring me with him to look at some cars – basically he was looking for cars via craiglist presumably to replace his hoopty. Anyway he finally paid back some money he borrowed which didn’t include the money I gave him months earlier. He owed me that money for over a year but didn’t consider an extra bill to pay back the “getting around money“.

That little excursion was funny. Our first stop was in the western suburbs and I was talking about a Finer’s store that just opened in the city – and why not talk about it I’m in the industry. Out of the blue he just decided to ask whatever happened with that. I gave him a shorthand story to tell him what happened again and hoped that would be it. Well I’ve been talking about it all year, it escalated to if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money.

We get to a man’s house in the suburbs and he was talking about a part that Anthony could get for a small sum. Anthony didn’t want to hear that thinking he should’ve fixed it himself if it was that easy. He was complaining about a cracked windshield and then saw holes in the trunk lid where a spoiler used to be. He got on the phone to someone telling them about the car, from that call Ant told the man he has to turn it down because he was actually getting it for someone.

As we left the area Anthony asked “You know that was a fake call right?” I didn’t think much of it honestly but he revealed what he just did out there. Just being very slippery and finding a way to get out of making a purchase. Although it sounded like from what he was picking at he didn’t want the car anyway. I guess in my experience sometimes it isn’t easy to just say no.

So anyway that was really the last time I saw him until one day in the spring next year I saw him at the Hole as he was about to watch a movie at the nearby cinema. And I also had a few odd phone calls with him where he runs down some of my more negative episodes at The Show. I’d say from that meeting on a fall day in 2016 is where our “situationship” began to go downhill.

You know here is the kicker. Blame me for allowing such treatment, however, isn’t it odd that in some way you’re being helpful at the same time as time goes on you’re the one being treated like crap. It’s possible he thought his behavior was OK and as per usual I wasn’t willing to say this wasn’t OK. And knowing him I could tell him and he still won’t budge. And then he has a problem as it turns out when I finally just “drop” him. It’s very odd…

You make the call revisited

I wanted to touch upon this for a while since 10 years ago was when not only yours truly first ran into Anthony the Fiend. I also ran into this young woman named Candace. You may have seen a post about this, but it has occurred to me that both of their approaches were similar.

Both came out of nowhere. Candace was more flirty in her “first” approach stating repeatedly that “You know you heard me talking to you“. She was being playful at work after I never really acknowledged her greeting on one summer afternoon in an air conditioned cinema. To be honest it was just an irritating thing to be faced with as this came out of nowhere.

Oh yeah I forgot to note the initial episode I wrote during the first year of this blog “You make the call”. It underscores her relentlessness during that summer although as it turned out back then she gave up. She lasted only that particular summer in 2011. She gained some privileges along the way and for my unwillingness to just give her the attention she desired evidently she found ways to make me pay for it later down the line.

The more I ignored her advances the more she may have turned on me. I was just very unwilling to communicate my annoyance with her behavior. Her behavior wasn’t conducive to her desired effect whatever that was and it clearly wasn’t to see me just walk away with no response. To be fair, perhaps I was rude and cold to her and wrong for me to expect her to read my mind. Who knows if she’d respect the the knowledge that her approach just wasn’t working.

I surmise that many of the younger generation of women are a bit more bold and assertive in their desires. Many of them don’t understand that you can’t just treat men the way the women in their lives – presumably momma – treated men. You can’t go out of your way to bicker with them and/or perhaps you can’t just go around chasing them down as I felt Candice had in my case.

Oh yeah I forgot about the comparison of approaches. While Candice wanted to start off as playful and flirty to a guy who basically just met her and vaguely knows anything about her. The Fiend was certainly aggressive and assertive in his approach, even outspoken once he learned of where I went to college and my plans beyond the theater. Just remember the episode where I’m taking him home he clearly overstepped some boundaries to the point where I really should’ve left him on the expressway.

Of course since I never exactly learned Candace’s motives, I eventually determined the Fiend’s. To start he was clearly looking for someone he can mooch off of and as Candice had been that summer, he was certainly relentless looking for any means to connect with yours truly. If he found out I liked porn, he’d approach me on it shockingly letting me know who his favorite x-rated performers were. He wanted to connect as she had tried and in the long run the Fiend had far more success until he left The Show two years later.

What I can say about Candice is that on the surface she was a very beautiful woman who at the time was 19-20 years of age. She had a nice shape, nice long hair that she often pulled back into a ponytail, and personality wise she was very friendly or even approachable. She expressed her anger towards me on occasion as one afternoon at work she tried to speak and I ignored her. She snapped back at me in front of customers just trying to get a response which she got a very tense response and she tried to repeat her greeting. I respond with a quiet “Oh” and that was the extent of our interaction on that day.

I find myself wondering how much different my story would’ve been if I had been more friendly and approachable to Candice. Would Anthony have still interfered – and chances are he would if he could get away with it. Perhaps I would’ve never offered a ride to the Fiend, perhaps Candice would be getting rides instead. Perhaps Candace was also less than honest about her intentions like the Fiend.

Because of who Candace was associated with sometimes I wonder about that. Allegedly a manager called out for her when she no call no show. She seemed to be in with a certain crowd that included my one-off foe. Regardless as it turned out her time at The Show proved to be very brief and she got her privileges while there.

I did note that I saw her the next year – 2012. I don’t believe this to be apocryphal. She was on the train headed further north. I saw some key things from her like a tote bag she always liked to carry, she had long fingernails, I was pretty sure it was her. When we make eye contact she would often just break the gaze. Perhaps she just simply had enough of me and besides I had my chance and wouldn’t take it. So far that was the last time I had seen her.

I hope you read the original You make the call post

Disappointment

EDITOR’S NOTE: I had to repost this and needed to add some details. Also forgot to use a title so I just opted to do a copy & paste and repost fresh.

Well I was disappointed to find out that the job denied my application to be “team receiver”. I kept getting told there was a hold-up as far as going forward and eventually my boss told me that I “would be set up to fail if they offered me the position”. They mentioned that my pacing is not good that the load that I’ve been tasked to put away for most of the summer is hardly finished. And the assistant mgrs have determined that they probably would have conversations with me about why a load wasn’t finished and other housekeeping tasks.

The boss also recognized that they hadn’t done a very good job of preparing me for this future role. He somewhat expected the original team receiver to come back to his position. At this point it seems as if that’s not going to happen he might be going to the butcher dept going forward. That’s where he’s been scheduled since he returned to work in July.

A lot of what I did for most of the past summer was not only try to put things away but also help out as much as I could on the floor. We were understaffed we had a few people who either quit or moved on. One colleague went to another dept. So all summer long things have been a bit tight. They mentioned that my “pacing” wasn’t that great and that there was a certain amount of time I should be done with the load. All I could do was try to make my pacing a lot better.

So my application was rejected about a week after I applied. A few weeks later I see another position of interest for team receiver which would take me back to my original dept however at another store. In fact the store where my former boss runs the operation. And what makes this a bit more appealing is that it cuts the commute in half and this is definitely a promotion!

Another thing to consider with being a buyer/receiver is that for the most part I’d have to start early. I hadn’t really done that on a consistent basis in a while 7 AM is hard but try at least 5 AM or in the case of the position I applied for 4 AM. Very hard and yet because I wanted the job I was gearing up for it, however, I still rely on public transportation which makes getting to work that early very hard. I need to rectify that in the long run with my own car as my mother even as she gets older needs her own ride.

Right now I’m just thinking about it as I just don’t enjoy just rushing into things.

Recently the new assistant manager from my old team asked point blank “Do you want to come back?” I hesitated to answer at first and while he was quick to answer no, my answer was for the right position. Telling him I don’t want to come back and do exactly the same thing I had been doing. I’d consider a supervisory position or certainly being a buyer/receiver so far if there is a need there they haven’t posted accordingly. However just as my dept is understaffed so are they which prompted the question surely.

I see as of now the number of positions available in the company as of now from an average of 100 at one point in this state to the last time I checked over 500. If you’re looking for any job now is the time, take one and keep looking for the one you really want.

Meanwhile after these disappointments I’m starting to go back to my philosophy of a job is nothing more than a means to an end. Fresh Foods Inc has upped the game as far as how much money I can make and great benefits and a very easy way of putting food on the table. I just find myself wondering what’s next for me now, finally.

To go back to the well for a moment, for a few months this year I continued to write about the Fiend’s strange campaign to move on to Finer Foods in his words yours truly could make more money. To this day I have no idea about his justification for that. My emphasis was to cut this off and usually my answer was it would take something real crazy for me to even consider it.

In 2017, I think some momentum was on my side though little did yours truly recognize a brick wall was ahead the momentum began to sputter. Before that I was good or so I thought. I had to keep telling the Fiend about this opportunity and it seemed he blew it off. In fact when I tried to tell him I’d be learning about buying he instead steer the conversation to if you come to Finer’s you’d make more money. When he did that I snapped at him but due to his bullheaded nature that wasn’t enough to cut that off.

I’ve always surmised in recent years that if he was a bit envious of how I was doing there and without him it was also that this was just a diversion/distraction. Perhaps he didn’t want to hear my good news. I feel as if it’s very natural to expect those you consider friends – not that he ever was – about the good news. Still as he stated that the mgmt at the Hole liked me and wanted to show me how to do different things, he suggested that I could make money jumping ship elsewhere.

Then I got to thinking about it in recent years, what exactly would I be doing if I had jumped ship for “more money”? Would I still be working deli? My assumption was that to justify more money would be my experience at Fresh Foods. However, since this was never an option I was serious about this was not something worth pursuing.

It just informs me that Anthony had very little regard for what I hoped to accomplish. And if I had seriously pursued getting a position at Finer’s, perhaps there’s a possibility that while making more money I’d be back where I started. What would I have accomplished if I’m still at the same level I had been since graduating college.

Jack V wants to move forward and not stagnate. I left The Show because I stagnated – and often I cited stagnant wages especially and certainly there was no growth. What sense does it make for yours truly to just stay in the grocery business make a few more cents and remain stuck changing companies.

The brick wall I referred to was the “Reign of Error”. In the context of the aftermath of that period was when I considered the job is a mean to an end. That was the time to really explore what else I could do to make money. It’s time to look into those options again!

Psychology

I’ve had to rewrite this post several times and to be honest it just seems to be a longer post for someone who is no longer considered part of my future. I met the Fiend a decade ago and my “situationship” won’t just be characterized as hell it was just a situation. The situation was just to his liking and he helped created it and yours truly just fell in.

I’ve been told that the Fiend is something of a narcissist. Well I don’t have the means, training, or ability to diagnose him as such. Some aspects of his behavior seems to inform of a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist spectrum. For my own purposes his behavior fall in the line I usually just stop at which is a user.

I do think he looks for people he can get something off of. If you remember he’s said to be engaged to be married. In my humble opinion he does seem to place a lot of value on sex. He wants to know when you lost your virginity and me not having much success or even seeking much success in that area it seems on some level he looks down on me for that. And that’s just a start to perhaps his real feelings about yours truly.

I wish it hadn’t took me this long to recognize that in some way his true feelings about Jack V were never good. It causes me to dispel the notion that we were ever friends. The fact that we even got close was because more than likely there was something in it for him. It could be a ride home or money from me for his needs.

It hits me that I can call him the Hustler because he wanted something. The Fiend is everything else perhaps his reasoning for why he had such a low opinion of me in reality. There were times he told me that he liked me personally and on the other hand he outrights lets me know his true thoughts about me. His true thoughts let me know that he looks at me in the worst ways.

I feel as if I encountered such behavior before perhaps in school. The Fiend will just discard you until you’re needed and it’s not about a final score. Perhaps that’s why when I started my blackout, he continued to try establishing further contact. I’m sure in spite of his negative notions about me, he just had a problem with me not responding to him. Perhaps it was my duty to respond when he comes calling.

Just consider a post I did earlier this summer hearing about him really talking about yours truly to another ex-coworker. He’s probably upset that in his words with no contact that I just dropped him.

Another way of looking at this is that perhaps the negativity he drops onto yours truly is really the negativity he feels himself. This same coworker believes the Fiend has some of his own issues with self-hate. Perhaps he hates his own background (possibly racial), has his own inadequacies (sexual or financial) or just hates his situation in general. All I can say at this point is that all of them are only his problem as far as Jack V is concerned.

I’ve been hearing that the wedding for the Fiend is now off because he couldn’t help but cheat. Not sure if this can be verified independently, however, if that’s truly what’s going on it’s no surprise. Anthony did show that he has a roving eye drooling over women he views as attractive. He states matter of factly how he can manipulate women into having sex with him – like it’s normal – and he portrays himself as not above satisfying his needs with women who are already in a relationship.

Also stated before I just don’t think he has any true idea about being in relationships romantic or friendship. I do think he’s a user whether for material things or just to satisfy his own needs. Beyond that perhaps it’s possible that in reality he’s just a lot more lonely than he realizes.

Oh yeah forgot one final piece to his psychology. Dominance and control are my favorite two terms as part of his fiend persona. One time we were talking and I got smart with him and he raised his voice with “DUDE!” because while I have to tolerate his personality he often can’t seem to tolerate mine. And his next statement was “If you don’t do it to your mother don’t do it to me.”

That was something when he feels as if I’m out of line he started saying. If you don’t do it to your mother why would you do it to me. My response was exactly how I began to read it.

“You’re not my dad” I responded. And he gets defensive saying “I didn’t say that”. The bottom line is that his personality quirk of dominance dictate that I have to treat him as if he was above me. I’m his lesser than and he more often than not conducted himself accordingly with yours truly.

And I consider that fact kind of hilarious when I recognize now that in the very beginning he chased me down and not the other way around. He gave me a reason to steer clear and he continued to come around until he got what he sought. And I didn’t do much pushing back even when knowing what he was doing.

August 2021

Well I don’t know it’s been missed but let me update you all. Yours truly was associate of the week last month at my store. An unexpected accomplishment that came with a gift card for groceries. Made sure my boss allowed me the email that announced this honor. Perhaps after 10 years of working a regular job this was a compliment to yours truly.

For those of you just starting out, just come to work don’t try to be perfect. Sooner or later someone will notice it not to say no one ever has ever for me, however, consider that you will work with people who won’t appreciate you no matter what.

It seemed changing departments even for this pandemic might have been a good move hopefully to take me to the next level. Time will tell on that, however, I think things started getting rough in the other dept by the time the change occurred. Not necessarily to reign of error levels but close. Perhaps this was a good thing although I wasn’t happy about it for months after it happened. Though I’m still looking for the right opportunity to return.

A colleague from my old dept pulled me aside and offered me an “that a boy” for that accomplishment and she believed if I stayed on that team I’d have been stuck. I grew even more away from that environment. Noted that one of the people who we worked with just always seemed to act like they were threatened. No one can do anything to help or anything without them accusing her colleagues of making her seem incompetent. That person had some issues and thankfully they have since moved on. However while there that person just wasn’t very happy there and it often showed.

Of course there are other examples of people whom I worked with who foot that bill with varying degrees of pleasant/unpleasantness. Some of them were older and quite a few were younger. Most did a lot of complaining and quite a few made some boasts while they complained. Some knew to stay out of trouble and quite a few still liked to act as if they have their run of the place. Very few come up with a plan to leave and execute it.

It’s very easy to stay in one place and be very comfortable. I’d say as long as your making good money stick around, the moment your pay stagnates move on. Even if you’re happy with your pay or even growth, perhaps there’s something else you’d rather do you can always work towards that. At this point that’s my goal!

This month my mother and I will be going out of town for a reunion in an exotic location. Nope not the Carribean or anywhere outside the country. We’re having a reunion somewhere that has no ties to any family that we know of. It’s rarity as usually the reunions are organized where family lives. I told my mother she should get vaxxed me I just plan to wear a face covering and will only rest easy once we get home. If we had gotten her car serviced we could’ve drove as it’s not that far away from Chicago where this reunion will take place.

Perhaps another tale of awkwardness to come?

Beyond that not a whole lot to report. You probably already knew this.

As always stay optimistic even if a lot of the things I discuss on here doesn’t seem very optimistic.