Are nice guys really that bad?

I think of myself as a long way from being a nice guy. With that being said those who are, probably have been subjected to women who are for whatever reason difficult to please. Perhaps the list I found was legitimate in some respects others are just plain nitpicky.

It’s a case of what do these woman want to be satisfied. They may never figure it out and probably will have to go through some serious changes to determine that. In my case there were a handful of situations where I simply lost my patience with particular women.

Advertisements

past tense: the ride back to “mission”

funny-memes-awkward-moments-awkward-moment-quotes

right now i’m in the mood to reminisce. tonight jack v discusses again the period of time after his first semester away at “mission college”. let me assure you the above image doesn’t entirely reflect how i view the situation.

the summer after i went away to school at “mission college” there was a family reunion. i briefly told one story about attending a family reunion planning meeting hosted by my aunt laura. this meeting was where she decided to see if i wanted to speak where i briskly said no and she jumped in her seat as if i struck her with lightning.

my aunt nadine had picked me up at “mission” and then brought me further out to a local restaurant for this meeting. after the meeting nadine went home and sends me back to “mission” with cousin natalie. had no choice in this instance as i didn’t drive myself needed to go back to campus and my aunt does a lot of driving so perhaps she was tired.

unfortunately with natalie & her husband nathan this ride wasn’t going to be a quiet one. natalie wants to have a conversation and i likely wasn’t that interested. probably was tired myself as it’s a long ride to where the restaurant was. as often as she could both her and her husband forced themselves to laugh at whatever weak witticism i seemed to have. i tried to be funny, but honestly i was in an uncomfortable situation and was unwilling to adjust to it.

she tried hard to get me to talk about the women i met from “hillman college”. if you remember natalie tried to get me to talk about essentially “nicole” – who i actually met during this first semester away from home – almost two years or so later. when i return after a year-and-one-half absence i attempted to make some moves and it didn’t work out for me – may tell that unfortunate story one day.

as for this particular period of time with my roommate introducing me to women at “hillman” i was a long way from establishing anything remotely resembling friendly relations with the ladies. unfortunately my cousin wants know about my romantic life it was her primary expectation. however if she was starting to decide if i was going more and more anti-social perhaps she was wondering if i wasn’t able to form a bond with women as i was unwilling to bond with her as a cousin.

here’s the thing, natalie likely knows that i was close to her younger sister. she tried to really stir something up in me with regards to her. at first mention, her husband responded.

nat: tasha is coming to town later this week.

nathan: oh yeah?

nat: jack?

yours truly: yeah?

nat: tasha is coming to town later this week.

yours truly: i heard

you know to explain i can’t remember if my aunt or mother told me she was in town or i just heard this for the first time from natalie when her husband responds. the fact that she brings this up is trying to change the dynamics of the conversation hence when her husband answers she merely calls my name and repeats what she just said.

in a few short minutes we arrive at my dorm. nathan wants to know – likely being nice – if he should drop me off in the back. i tell him he dropped me off in the right place….in haste. get out and acknowledge because they were expecting me to wave and they drive back to the burbs. meanwhile after that adventure near the end of the term back to reality and finish my semester as it turns out not so strongly.

perhaps another time, i’ll discuss the family reunion. there will certainly be more to say about this particular summer. especially before eventually talking about my senior year of high school.

the girl is not the goal…

then what is it? that’s the obvious question and reddit – perhaps you can call it seddit – has the answer. i think i like the answer and even got some parts of a numbered bucket list checked out. the main thing:

When you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, women find this naturally attractive. Yes, you can still benefit from breaking down and analyzing the social dynamics between men and women, and we can still get better results through techniques and theory. But there is no technique for attraction as powerful as becoming a man who knows what he wants out of life and goes out and gets it.

a matchmaker figured this out quick and now having arrived in a new period of great change – “the apocalypse” – it’s time to make some necessary moves. moves that will benefit me and get something out of life for myself.

my focus has been on jobs and money. that’s fine then what?

young women

i have a story to share with you regarding that. in the meanwhile men’s health discussed this. it easy for me to see where dating a younger woman may not work.

and yes the opportunity has been there for me to date a much younger woman especially working with many at “the show”. many of them may not have fit well with me, some might have however my own shyness gets in the way.

regardless yeah, i seem somewhat directionless. i have little interest being a sugar daddy though my savings since changing jobs has gone up. i feel as if i have more to offer now. still for me to attract a young woman i need something to bring them to me.

one of those things will be, just being a cut above some of the young men these women encounter. one thing for me to consider, will she appreciate my extra gestures? to be sure i’m still not very good at that.

before the end of the month i will share this story involving a young colleague.

oh yeah i almost forgot, my motives for going young….wife and children. i can always date an almost 40 woman but the family i want to build may stop at one child. i really don’t want to raise an only child.

letting go

letting-go

when i started a post entitled letting go, it would’ve been about “the show”. now in this case i can talk about getting some semblance of a love life. it doesn’t exist and it takes energy to get one. so perhaps i need a change of emphasis, pressure, or strategy.

i’ve been trying online dating since joining facebook over a decade ago and connected with the ladies of hillman college. then i’ve tried online dating through happn and tinder with varying results but the main thing no dates. in some cases however i got phone numbers and in another friend them on fb.

i never called the ones who gave me phone numbers and the one i connected with on fb dropped me and cut off all contact. not sure what happened other than i helped her lose interest and all i did was inquire about her employment. more and more i learn that it doesn’t take women much before they decide you’re not the one.

either way i’ve decided that perhaps a change of strategy is necessary. yes last month i met with a matchmaker and she offered some coaching at a discount which i have yet to get back to her on. regardless it represents one change of strategy.

another change has been that my poking and messaging days on fb has to end. that may not mean i may not check out women i work with or also went to hillman on fb. it just means that the mistakes made over the years have built up and perhaps i can’t stay stuck on it much longer.

perhaps i limited the pool so much that now i shouldn’t worry about it and hope that this idea of love will just fall in my lap. of course it won’t unless i’m willing to take a change whenever it comes up and unfortunately i won’t know what to do when it does.

sometimes the focus just has to be on self. i think of myself as a great writer i should just learn to write. perhaps it’s time to get out of the house and live on my own even if it was on a part-time basis – just so that i won’t be that far away from my mother who’s still undergoing treatment for her hip fracture. there are other interests i need to take the time to involve myself with.

with this in mind perhaps i shouldn’t worry about finding her. and whether or not i find that fabled female companion who is surely out there for me i must strive to become that guy. it’s not just for that woman but for yours truly and hopefully for the rest of the world.

so even though we’re two months in 2017, this needs to become a year of monumental change. i said i wanted to go up to at least a supervisor level at my current job. then what else must i do.

2017 can easily become 2014 – another year of great change. question is what do i have to do to get there?

timing

aaeaaqaaaaaaaadgaaaajdhlntm2zjzklwfmymqtnda5zi1hzdhjlwuwzjeymdfkmwriywyou know a couple of posts ago i said my mother was pretty good with bad timing and now i see i’m not much better with that. now i have the ability to really do far more than ever especially since my income is going up. i feel ready to go out and actually date.

when my mother’s company failed – she worked at a bank – while she’s on medical leave and then her insurance was cancelled by the new company it opened up a new can of worms. the day it happened i met with a matchmaker who was gathering more info on me for a potential date.

to be honest it didn’t go very well as i’m still wearing an old pair of glasses and i couldn’t find my repair kit. so i had putty on my glasses the matchmaker noticed eventually. i took them off as we had a far more serious conversation than i had expected. she had her own expectations as far as who she wants to match her clients with.

then i had my own frank conversation noting far more liberally than i should’ve my mother’s situation. she noted my decision making ability as far as the jobs i accepted. then i note my belief that i’m in a position to really do dating and hopefully marriage. i was certainly better off now than i had been at “the show” where i was stuck at minimum wage. my fear is that because my mother developed her health issues over 7 months ago it may be expected of me to be her caretaker and this isn’t the role i need now.

then i consider what has happened in the ensuing week since these changes that were certainly out of my mother’s control. to start when she lost her insurance she only found out when the nursing agency called to let her know she has no insurance and they won’t be sending a nurse to our house. essentially this nurse who has been something of a frequent visitor for roughly the past two months administered i.v. fluids and when those were no longer prescribed flushed out the portal my mother had inserted that was eventually removed recently.

while i had closing shifts at work and was looking forward to at least catch a show before reporting in she dropped a bombshell and told me she needed me to take her to the doctor. the original plan had been that she would have her neighbor chauffeur her to the hospital to get her portal flushed but later this neighbor realized she couldn’t do it because of a prior commitment. because my mother knew my schedule it fell to me.

finally the matchmaker offered some coaching unfortunately – as i’m keenly interested due to these recent changes with my mother’s job and her health insurance – i’ve yet to get back to her. it’s possible she may have forgotten and sadly i have to make time for this in order for me to get started.

at the same time if i meet this matchmaker again hopefully i’ll have more to bring to this table. perhaps just get some new glasses since i do have vision insurance then go to a barber and get a hair cut. at least have something to offer and give her something to work with. beyond that have some goals and vision that i can find a woman to get behind. i suppose that means i have to please that woman in someway before she could ever consider pleasing me.

also lately i’ve been looking online for places to rent and not far away from where home is. thing is no where is particularly ideal until you own the house. in the meanwhile as my mother considers retirement for the first time after this ordeal as she still heals from her sudden compound fracture last year i have to really start jump-starting my own life.

matchmaking

matchmaking

i’ve been particularly bad with online dating. the way i see it this is something always done with fb with no levels of success. that is i never had the opportunity to connect with the women i wanted to connect with.

for example, perhaps i wanted the true babes so to speak. the beautiful women but either they weren’t interested or attracted to me or i was too late and they’re with someone. and sometimes on my own, i don’t always come off well.

recently i was on the phone with a matchmaker and irony of ironies i met this person via tinder. a dating app used for business purposes that shouldn’t be allowed :P.

anyway after trading messages for about a month i finally connected and we talked for a few minute she set me up a profile. i expressed interest in possibly image coaching which is something i need. and while being added to a database, it’s fine if i can become a client at some point and hope to meet someone who wants what i want.

of course my interest is in having a family i made that clear. my life goals aren’t as clear although i’ve expressed a desire to move up where i am now and perhaps move on to something entrepreneurial – such as real estate.

as for the person she wants to match me up with well she doesn’t live nearby and she’s older at 37, but i’m open. the reason i’m open is because i need to get out there and start meeting these women. unfortunately it’s difficult for me to get out here and meet these women even to just approach them cold.

believe me it’s possible to make a connect as a service worker. there are a good number of women who are seen during the course of a shift and to stay professional as you never know what’s going on in anyone’s head at any time. believe me there have been some odd situations with customers.

either way perhaps if i continue doing this i’ll be comfortable with the idea of dating and hopefully i can find what i’m looking for. perhaps i’ll find this young woman who’ll be the mother of my children and will be an awesome wife. and now it’s possible for me to enter the dating world.

let the matchmaking commence…