the girl is not the goal…

then what is it? that’s the obvious question and reddit – perhaps you can call it seddit – has the answer. i think i like the answer and even got some parts of a numbered bucket list checked out. the main thing:

When you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, women find this naturally attractive. Yes, you can still benefit from breaking down and analyzing the social dynamics between men and women, and we can still get better results through techniques and theory. But there is no technique for attraction as powerful as becoming a man who knows what he wants out of life and goes out and gets it.

a matchmaker figured this out quick and now having arrived in a new period of great change – “the apocalypse” – it’s time to make some necessary moves. moves that will benefit me and get something out of life for myself.

my focus has been on jobs and money. that’s fine then what?

young women

i have a story to share with you regarding that. in the meanwhile men’s health discussed this. it easy for me to see where dating a younger woman may not work.

and yes the opportunity has been there for me to date a much younger woman especially working with many at “the show”. many of them may not have fit well with me, some might have however my own shyness gets in the way.

regardless yeah, i seem somewhat directionless. i have little interest being a sugar daddy though my savings since changing jobs has gone up. i feel as if i have more to offer now. still for me to attract a young woman i need something to bring them to me.

one of those things will be, just being a cut above some of the young men these women encounter. one thing for me to consider, will she appreciate my extra gestures? to be sure i’m still not very good at that.

before the end of the month i will share this story involving a young colleague.

oh yeah i almost forgot, my motives for going young….wife and children. i can always date an almost 40 woman but the family i want to build may stop at one child. i really don’t want to raise an only child.

letting go

letting-go

when i started a post entitled letting go, it would’ve been about “the show”. now in this case i can talk about getting some semblance of a love life. it doesn’t exist and it takes energy to get one. so perhaps i need a change of emphasis, pressure, or strategy.

i’ve been trying online dating since joining facebook over a decade ago and connected with the ladies of hillman college. then i’ve tried online dating through happn and tinder with varying results but the main thing no dates. in some cases however i got phone numbers and in another friend them on fb.

i never called the ones who gave me phone numbers and the one i connected with on fb dropped me and cut off all contact. not sure what happened other than i helped her lose interest and all i did was inquire about her employment. more and more i learn that it doesn’t take women much before they decide you’re not the one.

either way i’ve decided that perhaps a change of strategy is necessary. yes last month i met with a matchmaker and she offered some coaching at a discount which i have yet to get back to her on. regardless it represents one change of strategy.

another change has been that my poking and messaging days on fb has to end. that may not mean i may not check out women i work with or also went to hillman on fb. it just means that the mistakes made over the years have built up and perhaps i can’t stay stuck on it much longer.

perhaps i limited the pool so much that now i shouldn’t worry about it and hope that this idea of love will just fall in my lap. of course it won’t unless i’m willing to take a change whenever it comes up and unfortunately i won’t know what to do when it does.

sometimes the focus just has to be on self. i think of myself as a great writer i should just learn to write. perhaps it’s time to get out of the house and live on my own even if it was on a part-time basis – just so that i won’t be that far away from my mother who’s still undergoing treatment for her hip fracture. there are other interests i need to take the time to involve myself with.

with this in mind perhaps i shouldn’t worry about finding her. and whether or not i find that fabled female companion who is surely out there for me i must strive to become that guy. it’s not just for that woman but for yours truly and hopefully for the rest of the world.

so even though we’re two months in 2017, this needs to become a year of monumental change. i said i wanted to go up to at least a supervisor level at my current job. then what else must i do.

2017 can easily become 2014 – another year of great change. question is what do i have to do to get there?

timing

aaeaaqaaaaaaaadgaaaajdhlntm2zjzklwfmymqtnda5zi1hzdhjlwuwzjeymdfkmwriywyou know a couple of posts ago i said my mother was pretty good with bad timing and now i see i’m not much better with that. now i have the ability to really do far more than ever especially since my income is going up. i feel ready to go out and actually date.

when my mother’s company failed – she worked at a bank – while she’s on medical leave and then her insurance was cancelled by the new company it opened up a new can of worms. the day it happened i met with a matchmaker who was gathering more info on me for a potential date.

to be honest it didn’t go very well as i’m still wearing an old pair of glasses and i couldn’t find my repair kit. so i had putty on my glasses the matchmaker noticed eventually. i took them off as we had a far more serious conversation than i had expected. she had her own expectations as far as who she wants to match her clients with.

then i had my own frank conversation noting far more liberally than i should’ve my mother’s situation. she noted my decision making ability as far as the jobs i accepted. then i note my belief that i’m in a position to really do dating and hopefully marriage. i was certainly better off now than i had been at “the show” where i was stuck at minimum wage. my fear is that because my mother developed her health issues over 7 months ago it may be expected of me to be her caretaker and this isn’t the role i need now.

then i consider what has happened in the ensuing week since these changes that were certainly out of my mother’s control. to start when she lost her insurance she only found out when the nursing agency called to let her know she has no insurance and they won’t be sending a nurse to our house. essentially this nurse who has been something of a frequent visitor for roughly the past two months administered i.v. fluids and when those were no longer prescribed flushed out the portal my mother had inserted that was eventually removed recently.

while i had closing shifts at work and was looking forward to at least catch a show before reporting in she dropped a bombshell and told me she needed me to take her to the doctor. the original plan had been that she would have her neighbor chauffeur her to the hospital to get her portal flushed but later this neighbor realized she couldn’t do it because of a prior commitment. because my mother knew my schedule it fell to me.

finally the matchmaker offered some coaching unfortunately – as i’m keenly interested due to these recent changes with my mother’s job and her health insurance – i’ve yet to get back to her. it’s possible she may have forgotten and sadly i have to make time for this in order for me to get started.

at the same time if i meet this matchmaker again hopefully i’ll have more to bring to this table. perhaps just get some new glasses since i do have vision insurance then go to a barber and get a hair cut. at least have something to offer and give her something to work with. beyond that have some goals and vision that i can find a woman to get behind. i suppose that means i have to please that woman in someway before she could ever consider pleasing me.

also lately i’ve been looking online for places to rent and not far away from where home is. thing is no where is particularly ideal until you own the house. in the meanwhile as my mother considers retirement for the first time after this ordeal as she still heals from her sudden compound fracture last year i have to really start jump-starting my own life.

matchmaking

matchmaking

i’ve been particularly bad with online dating. the way i see it this is something always done with fb with no levels of success. that is i never had the opportunity to connect with the women i wanted to connect with.

for example, perhaps i wanted the true babes so to speak. the beautiful women but either they weren’t interested or attracted to me or i was too late and they’re with someone. and sometimes on my own, i don’t always come off well.

recently i was on the phone with a matchmaker and irony of ironies i met this person via tinder. a dating app used for business purposes that shouldn’t be allowed :P.

anyway after trading messages for about a month i finally connected and we talked for a few minute she set me up a profile. i expressed interest in possibly image coaching which is something i need. and while being added to a database, it’s fine if i can become a client at some point and hope to meet someone who wants what i want.

of course my interest is in having a family i made that clear. my life goals aren’t as clear although i’ve expressed a desire to move up where i am now and perhaps move on to something entrepreneurial – such as real estate.

as for the person she wants to match me up with well she doesn’t live nearby and she’s older at 37, but i’m open. the reason i’m open is because i need to get out there and start meeting these women. unfortunately it’s difficult for me to get out here and meet these women even to just approach them cold.

believe me it’s possible to make a connect as a service worker. there are a good number of women who are seen during the course of a shift and to stay professional as you never know what’s going on in anyone’s head at any time. believe me there have been some odd situations with customers.

either way perhaps if i continue doing this i’ll be comfortable with the idea of dating and hopefully i can find what i’m looking for. perhaps i’ll find this young woman who’ll be the mother of my children and will be an awesome wife. and now it’s possible for me to enter the dating world.

let the matchmaking commence…

random

51930-imperfect-love-quotes

on saturday night one of the ladies in the other dept noted that she remembered that becky bought me a cupcake and it had writing on it. the young lady who recently got promoted to supervisor we’ll call her gerry was in fact there that day, her coworker mary – aka crazy vibes – wrote on that cake although gerry didn’t exactly remember.

part of me could take this to mean something. that is well if i’m not a very important part of her work life let’s say then what happened last year was quickly forgotten. it happens often enough especially when i make the wrong move then someone is mad at me. then for a minute the relationship goes cold or that person needs an excuse anyway.

gerry i’ve been led to believe is in her 30s and outside of my race. for some reason i’ve had my eye on her, but unsure how to approach. in fact, i alluded to her in “awkward” a while ago an unsolicited friend request from someone who used to work at our store “professed” his love for her and she accepted a date with him.

physically she’s not perfect, but decent. she doesn’t seem like the friendliest person in the world – she’s not mean or anything – perhaps temperament wise she’s similar to me. although i’ve always imagined myself with a more extroverted person at least as a wife, but this isn’t about marriage it’s about getting to know these women before i even get to that step.

i suggested she finds me on fb and perhaps i’ll make it easier for her. we have mutual friends including becky so it may not be a tough sell. perhaps the next time i see her i’ll give her the e-mail address to find me and see what happens. or more likely since we do have several mutual friends i’ll just have to do the manly thing and aggressively add her to see what happens.

either way the reason i gave was i learned on that evening that her birthday is fairly close to mine. so that means we’re both sagittarius…hmmmm.

chronicles

….of a 20ish virgin.

i think this will be a series of posts in no particular order. i may talk about women i’ve attempted to speak to or even the ones who tried to speak to me. especially when i was between 20 and 29. of course as happens on this blog i may get lost on other things such as work history or parental relationships for example.

COMMUNITY_COLLEGE

my early twenties had been spent at a community college since i graduated from high school. to be honest i had no plan for life after graduation other than my family’s expectation that i should go to college.

i enrolled at one of chicago’s community colleges and basically was average. somehow  i still had been accepted to a relatively prestigious liberal-arts college in georgia with a similar all-girls school across the street. my acceptance to that school would come the next spring.

anyway there wasn’t much action on the women front. there were a precious few women i could have asked out. especially the ones i went to class with but i was unwilling to shoot my shot. precious few still gave me any attention even if i deep down wanted it.

one semester i got a phone number – a hand written note – from a young woman i’ll refer to as carrie. carrie made a presentation in our social science class about living in public housing and some of the experiences she had. one notable part of this story was that she witnessed oral sex out in the open between people at her development.

another part of the story is that she had been touched by some of the violence that occurs in public housing. for example a high profile murder occurred and she knew the mother who lost her son to the violence. i thought it sounded as if the gang was targeting the mother but instead hit her son.

well it took me a few months to shoot my shot with carrie. and i finally did at the college library. that was at the end of the semester and i had my eye on her and she knew it. for the most part i was just uncomfortable with taking my shot but i took it.

oh yes to describe carrie. she had the nicest pair of eyes and a nice smile. i learned that she had a bit of a playful side that she on occasion displayed with me and with others. i liked what i thought of as her warmth.

one problem, i blew it. we didn’t see each other often after that semester although she was there and saw her on occasion. it was the end of that next semester when i finally called her. and we did talk a little bit then sloppily suggested that we go out sometime anytime she wanted to. that spelled the end for me getting some of that perceived warmth.

near the end i saw carrie again in the computer lab we spoke and she came up with excuses such as she had papers to do – ie the semester was almost over why are you still doing papers. i called her number one more time to talk but whoever answered the phone said she call me back. i never heard from this young woman again. and it took me a year to throw her number away as i wanted another chance and thought better of it.

it’s easy to build up an image in my mind. perhaps i wanted to be that knight in shining armor. my background was much different than carrie’s as i never grew up in public housing so i may not understand it. perhaps she may not understand my background either. either way i got let down somewhat easily and this was a lesson learned. perhaps i need a better approach and i shouldn’t allow something to build in my mind.

hopefully wherever carrie is today she is very happy with where she is today.