Love shy

shy-smileyafter starting this blog, i joined a web forum at http://www.love-shy.com/lsbb/. the one reason i found this site because i began looking for answers without having to pay a therapist. not that i think anything is inherently wrong with me, but sometimes it pays to have to talk through whatever issues i may have. the issue now is well i want to lose my virginity before i turn 40 which is not that far away anymore.

that’s as much of an issue as me wanting to marry and have children. and somehow i’d have to get through the barrier of finding a suitable mate who is able to accept me for who i am. as much as i believe i have things going for me, it’s difficult still to find a woman who is interested in me. of course the bad thing is women are picky and have no problem picking apart what they don’t like about certain men.

i consider the story of candace that i wrote about a few months ago. i noted that i’m not entirely certain what my deal was other than her approach. i considered her aggressive as far as attempting to keep my attention, but i was for whatever reason cold or unresponsive for the most part. at some point in spite of her ways of letting me know what i was doing was mean she eventually left me alone.

was this a case of being love shy? a case where i was fearful of giving a girl a chance who clearly wanted one. of course, this could also be a case of i made a good call – if it could be called that – because if i got her or her me who knows what direction our potential affair would go. indeed i’d have been left in the cold anyway.

either way the thing is if the right girl got me to settle down and evaluate why i haven’t been able to go all the way with a woman i have always had a script in mind. if a woman wondered why it hadn’t happened for me and ideally all over me discussing this i could flat out say i just don’t know how. that would be true because basically i have no experience in even attracting the attention of a woman.

most of the time it just happened, but often it’s also a matter of keeping her attention. in my case these things just happen with no effort on my part to get her attention. consider candace, although something about me got her attention whatever it was.

either way the answer may not be important only to help me get to the point where i’m very comfortable with a woman so that we could have a relationship. in addition if that happens even before i finally am able to answer the why of my dilemma perhaps the question won’t matter.

You make the call

YouMakeTheCall

This is a story I’d like to tell, and if you’re so you’re allowed to make the call. Whenever I’ve told this story the responses have run from you blew it, to why did you treat her so bad, or I’ve shown her who’s boss. The show her who’s boss one is very rare to be sure.

Either way a few years ago I had a coworker we’ll call her Candace who at that point was 19-20 years of age. She had a nice set of eyes, a nice body, and long hair…real hair. She was really pretty and definitely had a smile on her.

The story starts when I was running late to my job at a movie theater. I hurried put my things away in the locker room and moved quickly to the time-clock. The locker room was down a hallway and near an auditorium where two other female coworkers were standing outside. I didn’t see her but Candace said, “Hey Jack”. I looked back and the other two ladies that I saw didn’t acknowledge that they said anything. It was at that point I said nothing and just continued on my way. One of the girls standing around said a faint “DAMN”.

After I had clocked on and was officially on duty on that day I made my rounds Candace came over to me and started saying repeatedly, “You know you heard me talking to you.” I repeatedly said “What?” as I attempted to get around her and she matched me move for move. Another female coworker got in the middle and told her not to fool with me. Unfortunately that was only the beginning.

At other points Candace decided to ask me who my favorite music artists was. Since I was older she mentioned artists I never heard of. I never really answered her questions about this. Other times Candace generally just attempting nothing more than to speak. For the most part, I often would just walk away without a word and sometimes she would make this exasperated sound.

One time in fact, she got mad when a supervisor behind the concession stand spoke to me and I spoke back. She was looking around getting upset because I responded to the supervisor.

The last time she attempted to converse with me was when I was at the concession stand looking for a cup of water. Just for kicks I put on a show and looking for laughs and got them. Candace came over to start a convo and another guy I worked with got in on it. I had bought a muffin from a local grocery store.

Basically my responses to their questions was generally “a leprechaun gave it to me”, “you didn’t pay for it”, etc. Finally I told the guy where the muffin came from, but Candace took it further and asked if I had walked there. My answer was, “I flew”. She gave an exasperated expression and announced she’s done.

After that Candace rarely said much to me and still attempted to speak to me. One time I was taking care of a customer she snapped at me after she spoke and I failed to respond as if I didn’t hear her. I gave her a tense “What?” response and then said “Oh” when she repeated her greeting.

The absolute last time she ever spoke to me at all was in a hallway and I had been looking at promotional materials. Candace again spoke to me out of nowhere as I was somehow engrossed. I was about to speak until I decided to look up to see who spoke. She was walking by alone and I quickly went back to what I was doing and she had no reaction this time as I saw her from behind walking away.

To be honest I’m not entirely sure what happened here. I feel as if my problem was lack of interest as I didn’t even pretend. Candace was one of the more aggressive women I had encountered. There was a point she demanded my attention and I wouldn’t relent.

Is it possible that I missed something here? Definitely. Candace probably could’ve broken the dry spell, but I had to have been willing and apparently I wasn’t. Another friend had suggested that she wanted to see if I’d go for it and shown that I wouldn’t.

Either way, she started in the spring time and by the end of the summer Candace was gone. Her time there was brief, but she left behind some drama that had little to do with her trying to “holla” @ me. I may talk about that in the near future.