Holidays

Well time to take a break until after the New Year, however, there are a couple things I want to note.

First I deleted my facebook dating profile. Either I won’t play with it anymore or just start fresh and retool. It’s like my forays in such apps as Happn, Tinder or even Bumble. At least with those other sites I’ve had some success though no dates, I probably didn’t have the same patience with facebook. I will try again ultimately.

Finally, I heard from an old “fiend” on Christmas unexpectedly.

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Just to recap, the last phone call was in January and any other attempts at contact was on facebook in February and of all places on instagram in August. I had to change my settings on facebook so that he won’t feel as free to communicate with me there. I outright blocked him on instagram to really discourage contact.

Of course that still leaves my phone which he would still call and text. It’s just him finding a door and trying to open it and continue the “situationship”. It’s evident he wants to pull me back to “Planet Hustle” no matter how long I avoid his phone calls and texts or even social media.

Actually, I know he knows how to get that theatre as I’ve met up with him there twice in the years that I’ve known him.

Anyway, in 2020 we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Years!

Happy Holidays to all!

Facebook dating?

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I’ve spent about a week playing with the new facebook dating thingie. I’ve had a few matches already however not enough conversations. They jury as far as i’m concerned is still out as far as whether or not this is worth it.

I will add that since I’ve been on facebook since before it became a big deal and back when only college students largely populated the site I’ve been using the site to check out women anyway. I largely approached the site in that vein alone in addition to connecting with people I knew from before I got into Mission College.

Of course in this case I won’t just be checking out women who were my contemporaries at the neighboring universities in the area where I attended school. I will be scoping out women in the Chicago-area and hoping to make a match. Like I said I made quite a few matches though I could hardly characterize those as solid nibbles.

What I may not like since I’ve largely become vain about my age is how it’s put on your dating profile. Like I do with Tinder or even Bumble I should be able to leave that off. Perhaps I should suggest that to Facebook Dating. Also at least with Tinder you can reverse any likes or dislikes (or reverse your acceptance or rejection while swiping).

Either way I do like being able to be very selective about who you would want to match with. Let’s say you can set your filter to whether or not your potential matches has children. I could utilize that more often to be honest and not just that attribute of course.

Another thing I’ve done is pick nine women off of my facebook list that would open the door do some interesting crushes. I’ve debated whether or not they know that they’re my secret crush – which could help thin the pool of available women presuming they are single. One just for the hell of it is one I’ve been talking to since going to Mission more as a friend than as anyone I’m interested in alas. Others are from the sister school Hillman College, some live in the Chicago-area, one I used to work with, etc.

I’ll update you if I let any of these ladies know of my crush on them. And even better I can always make changes to the list so the first nine I have, may change in the future.

BTW, I got to wonder what Tommy thinks of this new facebook dating. Will he ever do a review of it? He has been very quiet lately…

Update

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So I felt this post was necessary to update you all on modern day issues with The Hustler. I’ve been taking steps finally to show how uninterested I am in any contact. It’s necessary to note that his last attempt at contact was a comment to my status message regarding my interview for associate buyer.

Once he commented I changed the setting for that post to exclude him from seeing it. Basically to discourage him (as difficult a task as that is even if he meant well in that case) from thinking he’s privy to any updates on what’s been going on since we last saw each other. I’ve also elected on facebook to restrict his access to my profile and to not see any further stories I may share on my profile. Seeing him watching my stories just shows that he lurks on occasion so I want to discourage that also.

As far as blocking him for some reason I’m just not ready. I’m just in the mode of putting up barriers so he’ll know that things have changed between us. It’s just not as simple as coming and going as he pleases or coming around when he wants to be bothered. In other words I’m making my decision as far as what direction our relationship needs to go. In this case, there is no relationship – no friendship, no mentorship, no male role model, etc.

So thus so far his last phone call was in January and February was my interview when he commented on a facebook post I shared. He hasn’t attempted any contact since then and as always my hopes are that he gets the hint and realize that I’m not really going to respond to him. Of course it’s also recognized that he is a man of great persistence when he wants something so my hints and messages are not what he responds to as long as he gets what he wants. Right now what I want is to ultimately move on from a relationship that hasn’t benefited me in any real measurable way.

Oh yeah I forgot Anthony has children and ran into the daughter whom I formerly worked with at The Show on the train last month. She was with a friend and didn’t appear to recognize me though I recognized her. Who knows if she communicated with her dad as far as seeing me since she never really said anything to me. I had been tempted to tell her that her dad needs to leave me alone. Then again I realize that I shouldn’t involve her in that, it might make that situation worse. Who knows if she understands the nature of many of her dad’s relationships…

And as always if anything new develops you will see updates here.

 

Honesty Box feet nsfw

I’m sharing this because this particular young lady is no longer with us, she died sometime last year. I had wanted to admit this to her although we weren’t exactly corresponding on a regular basis other than a happy birthday here and there. When you think about it now she seemed quite cool about a guy liking her feet.

If I had went for it although it was years after the fact I can only wonder now. And even then if I had tried years ago then this would be a long distance relationship. Hell I even suggested in the honesty box of all places that I’d like to go with her to the interesting places she liked to go out.

My activities in honesty box assuming she realized they were all from the same man – yours truly – she admitted that “I’m really flattered, but this is both unorthodox and cowardly”. Yeah, it was.

Anyway here is an example of an exchange from years ago back when honesty box was a thing. And may this beautiful and pleasant young woman rest in peace.

This young woman seemed to be like whatever. I got away with talking about her feet. If I had just come out would it only have meant trouble for me. Pic below may not be safe for work because someone could be uncomfortable with the display of feet

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you said,
if i may be nasty for a sec i just got to admit that i want to press my mouth on that nice foot of yours :/

they said,
My feet! Really? Whatever floats your boat.

you said,
sorry i’m attracted to feet. and your present pic well that looks so tender. lol

they said,
I take care of my feet. For that same reason.

you said,
i’m starting to feel like i’m cybering with you. it’s starting to go down that path. lol

they said,
I am not even sure what “cybering” means. Your level of comfort my increase if you tell me who you are.

you said,
do you care about my level of comfort? lol

you said,
ok more serious question comfort about what? or just in general.

they said,
Its just in general.I always want people to be comfortable and express themselves honestly. Even though the honest box is suppose to encourage honesty. It doesn’t were are talking but nothing is being said. But its not that serious and you don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable doing.

And you know she was probably right. Am glad that she realized everyone didn’t have the same comfort level. However, what if I had been more straight up.

We’ll never know.

Part of the world

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Last year I did a post called MGTOW which stands for men going their own way. I had begun to follow some of the MGTOW youtube channel although my favorite one got taken down ultimately. It opened my eyes to the idea at least that a man should go his own way, become a better man, and that he doesn’t need a woman to do so.

Now this is a male virgin blog and I suppose if society has their way I should be shunned or pitied to have never made a woman’s acquaintance before in life. Everything I do so far in my life is empty without either having had sex at a bare minimum or having a married with children at any point in my life. Its the one thing that many have used to define me especially if I wind up making an ignorant comment about women, sex or relationships.

I’ve had people decide it was OK to lecture me about how I need to go out and become part of the world. For example join a dating website so that I could get laid next week or I need to hurry up get out there into the dating world before I turn 40 or the women will laugh at me. Just trying to cause a sense of urgency on my part to connect with a member of the opposite sex before “its too late”. And I find myself wondering how empty is his life where he feels as if he needs to say anything about it?

Let’s be honest about something as far as being part of the world for some it’s defined by having companionship as a bare minimum. To be fair, I haven’t really been part of the world. I missed out on that time in my youth where I should’ve met that woman. I spent a number of years in college – longer than I should’ve honestly – and I never really involved myself in social events. While I might have desired some of the women I met at school outside of social events or on facebook I feel as if I had more drama going on in without involving myself in relationships. I had to pay for school, avoid any academic issues, and then of course finally graduate.

In order to meet that special someone I have to go out into the world and interact. I often failed to do that and often preferred to keep to myself. Of course there were times trouble came to me, and often without me knowing how to handle it. It caused me further keep to myself and as a result those women who would’ve been interested in me found other men to engage with. It also didn’t help that after a number of missteps it took me time to finally finish my undergrad.

Then I arrived at “The Show” and aside from a few social moments, I never allowed myself an opportunity to truly connect with the young women or older women that I had worked with. Though what I can say about that period was it was the first period I had found gainful employment and had a few more dollars in my pocket as a result. Still I felt at that point that I couldn’t afford to do the many things that will allow me to become part of the world.

Sometimes I do feel as if I’m behind in my life. While many are out dating and meeting people or they’re married and building their families, I’m still stuck in teenage mode. I still have to figure out things that should’ve been worked out years ago.

Think about this, I graduated from college later. Found a regular job and eventually a full-time job later. And any other accomplishments I will ultimately meet them later as well. Perhaps realizing my potential as a man (and more for myself as I’m beginning to recognize) will have to come later as well.

I’m behind because I’ve never been part of the world, time to find ways to become part of the world.

Online dating

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I sent a couple of messages to a couple of women whom I’m connected with on facebook and they just so happened to have attended that all-girls Hillman College near my own. Now in some instances I’ve done this in the past find some girl I’m connect with on facebook who attended that school on a dating app and then try to contact them.

Often nothing seems to come of it however. A few of them I was just too slow on. Some might respond but otherwise generally nothing really comes of it. Perhaps trade a few messages before either one of us just tapers off and we stop. Of course as the man it’s always important for me to keep the interest going. And the main thing is to turn the key so that I could get something out of it and no I don’t mean sex.

I ried with one girl who might have taken a quick trip to Chicago recently. She was a teacher who actually lived in Chicago at one point and then from what I could tell moved to Georgia later. I think I’ve actually seen her around on campus during my time there and even graduated the same year as yours truly. However when she finally messaged me back she hit me with only a hi so I could try to keep this going but since I’ve also decided she’s really not all that…. NEXT!!!!

The other one was much older though both of these women are in their 30s. From what I can tell on facebook she’s educated with her PhD. I also see that she’s very tall and I’m a shorty so that’s an uphill battle already. Knowing me if she makes note of it – if she’s the mouthy type at any age – then I could turn around and state how much I like that she’s taller. There are plenty of petite women walking around the tall or curvy women one just doesn’t see them often enough.

All the same she gives me a more enthusiastic response. She explains how short her trip to Chicago was and the weather. Now I’m curious where she calls home while she’s not traveling. And I wonder if she really likes the cold weather.

I could talk to her, and hope that perhaps she wants to accelerate things. Of course I’m dealing with a woman in her thirties she might have a very different agenda from mine personally. The older you are I feel as if the more time you take in deciding who you want to be with. Me, I’m a virgin and since I have very little experience with women perhaps I am in a rush to be with someone. It needs not be sex of course just to be able to say I got someone and perhaps I have to plan for the time when it turns out that it won’t last.

Both of these women I found on a dating app and just decided to just find a way to make a plunge. I could note this is how I knew they were in Chicago, unfortunately I have no way of knowing if they saw my profile and chose to swipe left. Perhaps to message them when they’re on my friends list is too simple a gamble. There’s a huge possibility that it could backfire as most women even if they post their social media links might get funny if a man tried to contact them off the dating app.

Another thing I might be concerned about is how I used facebook back when they had the poke function. I was able to connect with plenty of young women that way especially when the site first got popular. Some of my activities, especially with those women I had liked even if I never saw them personally gained me a reputation among some young women at “Hillman”. Perhaps even my reputation with Nicole at one point may have given me a not very good reputation.

Sooooo, it’s possible I need a newer dating pool of available women. On the other hand in order for me to get out there I’d have to take some risks. It means I should connect with those “Hillman” women and it also means I have to connect with women outside of that. Still however you approach dating it remains hard. It was hard to get out there as a teenager, especially if you might have had some high standards and little idea about dating. It’s especially hard now that I’m getting older…

Anyway, perhaps this strategy of trying to use a personal connection might be the trick, but as things seem to have happened over the years expect some disappointments.

you make the call!?!

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now that it is football season – and i rarely watch football anyway – it seems appropriate to bring this back. this time it’s under slightly different circumstances unlike the first post of its type which involved candice.

anyway this time it’s mary jr. or as i could call her ms. thickems. unfortunately there won’t be an opportunity to follow-up with her although the last time i saw her at work i mostly avoided her. bottom line she no longer works at my store a disappointment, but eh she’s someone i would describe as “perfectly imperfect”. not a supermodel, but her physique was an attractive one.

all the same before the end came for her at work, i picked my spot with her. essentially i just went for it no pretend, no chat, just went cold. and it started with her noticing that i was there later than usual. for most of the past summer i had been working early mornings doing receiving and with me being a creature of the night crew for the most part she noticed. every now and then made reference to it.

she pointed her laser thermometer at me on this particular evening and it caused me to ask her, “you want to be my fb friend?”. once it dawned upon her what i was asked she slowly stated “i don’t use fb”. with that said i knew she was somewhat lying, she’s on fb or otherwise i wouldn’t have asked. of course this doesn’t mean that she spends that much time on that site. i accepted that answer and as far as my schedule told her that’s going to change i may be there later as time goes on and then awkwardly walked away.

now knowing that she has a number of social media profiles i could just start following her or add her. on the other hand i believed it was better to ask her before i do. it was definitely a goal to see if she was ever thinking of me in that way. as i started she’s not the finest thing like wine, but she definitely “perfectly imperfect”. i’d definitely open my mouth to be fed by this thick and bubbly young woman.

so you make the call. should i follow up? should i just leave her alone at this point? just let her be now that she’s no longer employed at “fresh foods”?

The one-off foe is back

IMG_0998In continuing to wrap up the storyline about my time at “the show” I’m going to revisit that one-off foe – Missy. Then we may explore one more time what happened with her good buddy Candace who decided that “I need a friend” during her time trying to talk to

For a good number of years Missy had left me with some unease. Missy was a young woman of no more than 19-20 and was aggressive. It would be attributed to her age more than anything however it may just be her natural inclination.

Evidence of her aggression was that she was very take charge and didn’t like pushback. My gut tells me that she wanted to be a manager and someone on mgmt level put that idea in her head. With this in mind she got herself involved in situations that actually required the presence of a manager. Not only that there were situations where I pushed back and she didn’t handle this very well. She would get pissed though remember that she could also run to a manager expect them to handle me not that she was a problem herself. Only thing is the more she engaged in that behavior the more I’d just withdraw from her.

With this in mind one situation that I’ve only heard about from one of the supervisors at the theater involved a call from one of the auditoriums at work. An associate called for a manager to their auditorium and Missy was the one who responded to the call. T about being very take charge and certainly a case of well this is the position she wanted. She was very willing to act the part even if she never got promoted before she quit.

Now this leads me to one reason  why I thought she started power tripping especially when I used my sarcasm to push back against her. Rumors had been going around not long before or after she had left that allegedly she was having an affair with the house manager. I suppose that when you’re in such a situation some things are said that may or may not happen in this case “I’m going to make you a supervisor”.

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Anyway when Henry left the theater – close to three years after Missy left – he decided to repeat this rumor with me and a newer coworker on a trash run. He was generally talking about the many dramas at “the show” of which Missy was one.

Henry: *to me* you remember “Missy” when she had that affair with [house manager]

Yours truly: *to Henry* Oh that BITCH….oh I’m sorry….I can’t, can’t stand that girl

Henry: The thing is she really was a bitch because she ran to [house manager] for every little issue

Yours truly: *to Henry* It was going around at the time that she was trying to make manager

Henry: Yeah!

Missy was pretty infamous in my mind and is the single most ugliest woman personality wise I have ever met. And with this in mind this was a slow burn. the best part of this story is that if she was seeking something in trying very hard at various points to make me look bad, she largely failed. She may have succeeded in making me look bad but she really got nothing out of it.

One time I pushed back after she tried to tell me that I need to reuse a popcorn bag because they count them. It’s her being take change and I didn’t like that. She didn’t like the fact that I got “smart” with her. And later she told a manager about my behavior. I responded to her take charge behavior, however, she wasn’t wrong that I gave the customer a bag that wasn’t warm. My mistake.

Another time I was returning from a 30 min break and Missy standing outside of the box office area was keen on telling me that I needed to hurry up and clock back in. I was on my phone just as i was about to clock back in, besides there was a reason I surfaced to return to work so I simply brushed by her without a word. Basically she placed her arm across the door letting me know “don’t ignore me”. I was like oh OK uninterested in a confrontation that she wanted to initiate. Later I yelled at her for trying to tell me if I mark a bill I didn’t have to find a manager. Even though my point that could be better stated was that I still needed a manager to check large bills whether or not the bill was marked by me with a marker.

The last and worst confrontation happened later that summer and it was based on an over-reaction. But I really wasn’t feeling her need to be take charge on that given day. I didn’t report her for the aggressive and obnoxious behavior she displayed towards me when a movie let out. It all started when she tried to tell me to collect 3D glasses – and only after everyone else assumed I was supposed to be doing it and the thing is while I did it for those movies I was cleaning no manager told me to collect all 3D glasses. I just walked off on her and she immediately found the nearest manager.

She kept trying to confront me and I wouldn’t speak to her. One of the supervisors starting getting concerned because Missy – told one of them. She even threatened me by stating “I better not see you on roosevelt road!” while outside of an auditorium letting out with customers. Even after that and as I walked off on her and she was looking for things to criticize me – plus she was HOT  The next thing she did was find the nearest manager and say something else and she made sure to watch mgmt pull me into the office.

I wasn’t sure I was in trouble when they did. H.M. and another senior manager wanted to know if I was OK and what was going on. We established that I wasn’t really caring for one of the workers who decided to really target me because I wasn’t going to talk to her on that day. And they were following me around after that until I got off later. Missy had left the building after I paid a visit to the office.

Another time after that Missy had came to the theater to watch a movie and upon seeing me walking back to box decided to speak.

Missy: Hey Jack!

Yours truly: *stops for a second and then keeps walking to register*

Missy: So you’re not going to speak to me Jack….OK it’s cool! *she then proceeds to talk about some earlier incident involving me at that moment to another coworker*

To which, there were nothing but serious tactical errors on my part with her. One major error she attempted to blow up at work was that I poked her on FB and she friend requested me. Man she kept talking about it at work and didn’t mind saying “don’t act like you don’t poke me on fb”. For the most part I never really went there with her although I have told some people I did this without really knowing who it was. This was just another dumb drama she wanted to start and I gave that one to her on a silver platter. Although it more or less upset her when I really did nothing with this.

In fact there was one other incident where she got mad because she was talking to me and I kept walking. We both were doing our rounds one evening when she apparently heard from mischievous coworkers that I didn’t care for her. She tried to say I was funny and tried to engage me, I just went inside a theater to give it a quick check and she comes in after me to confront me. Starting with “didn’t you hear me talking to you” before softening up and quietly leaving.

I interacted with her less in spite of her taking shots at me – for example “This is Jack, he won’t acknowledge me in anyway….see” as I walk away from her with no word as she speaks to a new employee. She often says something about my smart mouth although it stopped after her threats and expression of anger that at this point I had nothing more that needed to be said to her. Eventually she just shut down, no words at all would cross paths between us again. Just as I stopped communicating with her she eventually stopped trying to communicated with me. Nothing she was saying whether aggressively or softly caused me to respond because I knew if I said  or did the right thing she’d get triggered.

Twice I was face-to-face with her at “the show” before Ifinally left. Once I took care of her as a customer in box I didn’t really speak to her though I more addressed the two friends she had with her. And she didn’t say much to me either almost as if i wasn’t there, but this was better than her being nasty & angry towards me. The last time was shortly before I left in 2014, she was leaving her movie with a group around her she looked at me and then re-fixed her gaze passed me. I backed up not because of her but certainly because there was a crowd leaving the movie at that time.

Remember I said she friended me right, eventually a few years later I’d drop her from fb. She stopped talking about the poking at least where I could hear her. And she never got promoted and the rumors about her alleged affair killed that possibility. Also rumor had it she handed in her two weeks without actually landing a job although someone mentioned that she moved onto a bank.

I have to mention this the one time I took care of her as a customer she made sure to talk to someone she did get along with. First person she asked about, the house manager, almost as if she still had some business with him. I wonder if she was up there looking for him and he was ducking her. Which is funny because someone like her who is angry and aggressive is what he chases, he has more patience with that apparently than I ever would.

friend request

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remember cousin natalie? someone referred to her as fake in a fairly recent comment to a post where i discuss one episode years ago about her. well she sent me a fb friend request.

huh???

i didn’t think that would happen i noted one of our last interactions. point the finger at me for both of them, but i already knew i wasn’t feeling it. however, due to her rather gregarious personality she thrives on trying to reach out to me.

what probably doesn’t help is that my mother is now retired and also a year ago had her hip fracture which put her out of action a bit last year. regardless no message no warning just send request, although i didn’t always give warning when i sent a friend request. 😛

all the same because i’ve essentially decided i need not connect with her online her request will remain on the backburner. if i did accept i will take great pains to block her from seeing my timeline – not that there’s much to see. also she won’t see what i’m really into.

that’s what i have done for my brother and his two sons for example.

sorority-sisters

anyway another tidbit cousin natalie and aunt laura are sorority sisters and have been very close. however as natalie is considered far more gregarious while laura’s personality is much different. as a result laura’s attempt at closeness with me is even more awkward.

 

the friend request

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funny thing happened recently one of my aunts on my mother’s side friend requested me. this aunt we’ll call laura i have something of an odd relationship with.

to start aside from our familial relationship we’re not particularly close. i’m a person who lives in an urban area laura prefers to live in the almost exurbs. while so far i’ve yet to rent out a piece of real estate she has especially a few mcmansions. she seems to have a history of living above her means.

all the same over the years she has tried somewhat  hard to reach out to me. when i went away to the liberal arts school she e-mailed me. express interest in me visiting her house to watch some football of which thanks to many seasons of disappointing bears football caused me to never follow-up on that. it also doesn’t help that from where i were it takes time to get anywhere she may reside.

so this event makes it easy to tell this story. i find it somewhat amusing, however, i can see where it doesn’t come off very well for me. i may expand further on this later but just illustrates how i can be and the reasoning.

to start when i first went away to school i was at a family reunion meeting held a good distance away from the college. one of my other aunts had picked me up to take me up there and it was nothing more than a free meal to me. so i went up and saw and heard some of the planning behind the family reunion. of all people my grandmother who isn’t usually keen on family reunions was there getting involved.

near the end before it was about time for me to go back to campus laura called on me a simple “hey jack” and then asked if there was anything i’d like to say. now it’s hard for me to say i was obnoxious or just evasive to speaking to a crowd, but my response was a quick no after thinking about it for a moment. she jolted back as if i had struck her with lightning.

every now and then i like to tell that story. it’s just a story to me, but when you think about it what was a i trying to prove. likely it’s not a whole lot just something funny to me that happened after realizing someone’s response to my behavior. a behavior which to them they just didn’t expect. laura likely genuinely thought i would have some remarks especially for the free meal i just got.

so later on we had our family reunion in georgia and one morning our family down there paid us a visit in our hotel. laura was in our room and if i recall correctly i was likely still a bit sleepy. for whatever reason she started in on me quick trying to get a conversation with me. i kept giving a basic answer.

for example she wanted to know what my roommate’s name was i just gave her a first name, “what’s his late name?” then i gave his last name, but basically while i may generally be introverted others who were observing the situation realized how uninterested i was in conversing. it seemed for a moment laura didn’t quite get the hint. my mother noted years later that she saw how uninterested in talking i had been and saw her sister just switch gears quick after realizing that this convo wasn’t progressing.

just to show how tenacious laura was other than trying to get a last name for my roommate she saw me take out a mint and was quick to ask me for one which i complied silently. she’s often very quick to just do that as later when we toured a landmark in atlanta that day she did it to me again when i bought some candy from a store before going back to the exurbs.

there are further stories of this that will be expanded upon later. laura and i haven’t really interacted with each other very well over the years. and i recognize sometimes that people who try very hard don’t get very far with me. bad news is that if i find myself feeding into some idea or some unfortunate behavior all i can do is add the necessary ammunition.

to be honest she wasn’t the first family member whom i haven’t done well with over the years to connect with me on fb. another one of my aunts came to chicago, in a story to be told later to help out around the house and she has been great. she friend requested me not only once but twice as she has two accounts. i kept them unanswered for a number of years. the shitty part about this is that when going to school in georgia she has helped me out the most back then.

also one of my cousins have friend requested me. i hadn’t done very well with her she had to call me out once because i did something that was out of line and i can say that yes i did. on the other hand it caused some distance on my end and she accepted it although she has her moments where she tries to be the bigger person and i’m not receiving it. anyway she’s another one whose friend request will for the time being remain unanswered.

as for laura for the time being i won’t answer her friend request.