it’s candice’s turn…

img_1148-1in this post i’m going to discuss some remaining business and analysis regarding candice. you first read about her in a post titled “you make the call” and generally shows my response to her sudden interest in me one summer when we both worked at “the show”. it left me very uncomfortable in some respects and she was very determined to keep my attention until she stopped.

in later posts i referred to her as missy’s good buddy. missy was the one-off foe who spend the remaining time she had at the theater powering tripping because of her “connections”. with this in mind i now consider missy & candy (hey that rhymes) something of a one-two punch or good cop and bad cop – hint missy was the bad cop.

to illustrate this point one-time outside of a auditorium as a movie let out missy so incensed or out of control because i ignored her for most of my shift said one infamous thing to me and far more infamous than a threat – “if i’m a bitch, then i’m going to be a bitch”. candace was that probably not egging her on, though certainly not trying to calm situation down and besides i wouldn’t pay a whole lot of attention to her anyway during that time. regardless missy lost all control and as she lost it i strove to maintain my own. she wasn’t going to get me to say anything i didn’t want to and whatever i was going to say was going to get her going because she was already there.

now, candace was essentially laying down a welcome mat for reasons only she knew. when i tell this story to some of the young men i work with they don’t understand, the opportunity was presenting itself and you wouldn’t go for it – you BLEW it. it never got through that perhaps i had little interest in her and it was largely based on her young behaviors and certainly what i see as her aggression in trying to get my attention.

i have one theory as far as why everything happened and i’ve deduced it to one night that summer – before “the show” got particularly busy later that summer. the move in question on that evening was the purge and she – as far as i knew just arrived on the scene at that point. i walked up behind her, perhaps got a lil too close and told her to turn the radio down. unfortunately we didn’t have ear-pieces for the radios like most other businesses that uses walkie-talkie. we had to remember when we walk in a theater to turn them down while a movie is playing.

soooo i think at some point as the theater let out and we began cleaning we talked about the job and then forgot all about her. the girl in question somewhat matches my basic description of candice – a young girl (19 or 20), nice body, long real hair – that she probably put into a pony tail, and a nice face for sure. perhaps it set her interest signals off and in the meanwhile i just thought not much of this after that.

of course as stated in that long ago post she spoke to me as i rushed to the time clock having been running late and after blowing this off she walks up to me and blocks my path as i attempted to go around her. something really set off in her mind after simply not realizing or knowing that she was trying to speak to me and i didn’t speak back to her. basically this started a long summer trend where she tries to speak and i generally don’t respond. occasionally i’d just engage in sarcastic behavior finding it amusing to myself but not to her as she really wanted to talk to me and all i did was push her away.

one particular part of this story i noted was that a supervisor said hello to me as the theater was shutting down for the night and i spoke back. candice was behind concession and was upset that i spoke back to the supervisor – and this is because i mostly don’t just say hello back to her. she was seen just twisting and turning because of my general response to her wasn’t different than my response to the supervisor. in fact, the supervisor did ask, “why are you getting mad candice?”

one part of the revenge candice offered was one night when i had to close the floor at the theater. i left my walkie at the customer service desk thinking i didn’t need it anymore. minutes later candice who was off duty for the night came and found me and made sure i got that walkie back because another one of her buddies a supervisor decided that i needed a radio. as i complained she walked off without a word just back turned and probably satisfied with my response.

this other supervisor was a loud mouth and sometimes didn’t seem to have a steady mood with me from day to day or moment to moment. eventually after basically sh*tting on another associate at the theater she got herself fired. there is an official reason, but allegedly i can say she really got fired for treating someone badly.

one final moment not before mentioned. one day candice and two other young women were often seen huddled around auditoriums before the movie starts. everyone wasn’t supposed to be together like that. and one of those women were supposed to be doing rounds about the facility with me. and she didn’t like to do much work anyway – even if later she expressed interest in becoming a manager and it never happened.

either way this young woman asked if i was doing this, that or another and i simply said yes & no as i kept walking past the sisters. candice jumped on this immediately saying something undecipherable, and certainly it was about what i just said. another young lady who witnessed the whole convo – and whom i never said a whole lot to – simply chimed in with “he’s got a smart-ass mouth”. before i wrap up the storyline i’ll introduce you to her this particular one is called the “bullshark”.

otherwise after this candice and yours truly never had words cross paths with each other again and incidentally the next year i saw her on a train as i headed to the north side. i figured out who she was seeing some traits that reminded me of her and it certainly included a tote she often carried with her to work. if we made eye contact she’d immediately break it, but message clear that wasn’t the time to make a connection with her. she headed north and i got off at my stop.

now jack, why had you been responding to candice that way?

to be honest i kept doing what i was doing because it amused me. i never saw what i was doing as a rejection and it never occurred to me that candice would simply leave me alone. that being said her behavior was somewhat aggressive on some level especially the time she snapped at me behind concession as we both had customers to take care of – that was patently aggressive. otherwise her need to keep my attention was definitely aggressive and i wouldn’t respond to her.

as much as i characterize my response as a non-rejection it was certainly a reaction. remember i’m in my early thirties college graduate and working with young people who are still developing at a movie theater. here she comes matching me move for move repeating that “you know you heard me talking to you”. that behavior didn’t compute and any other times after that i just simply decided she was trying to hard and perhaps she did have an agenda. but then this agenda is really an unanswered question. was she really interested in me or did she really want to add to the gossip? btw, any gossip about me my goal was to remain blind and i tried not to care unless someone just mentioned it to me out of the blue.

now that i’ve grown a bit such then i did consider looking for candice on social media. the only social media i see her using is instagram and she had exhibited – because she’s young still – the need to show herself off. when you think about it most young women do like to show themselves off. i suppose the only question today is if she’d remember who i am and if she would ever connect with me on instagram. perhaps then i could attempt to explain some things as back then i had no willingess to explain some of my actions to her. besides my actions should speak louder than words even if they had been uncalled for.

all the same i’ve never really came up with a very satisfactory answer as to why i kept blowing off candice. to use the whole standing in my path thing was a bit of an excuse more than anything. to be sure it was irritating at the wrong time given my situation, but of course she may well have seen it differently. obviously there was a reason why she wanted my attention. and as stated once the more she continued the more sarcastic and oblivious i became.

one more tidbit here one time i was off of work and switch from my cap and uniform shirt and as i walked from locker room candice saw me and attempted to speak. she tried to compliment my hat but to whatever she said i basically kept saying “what?”. another coworker off to the side obviously saw this whole convo as awkward. candiace had to stop and say “i’m complimenting you” or “why are you being mean” or even at another point “i’m trying to talk to you because you seem like you need a friend”.

btw, in anger even missy said to me during her out of control moment outside of an auditorium, “you need a friend jack”. almost as if saying – and this was long before i ever started having real issues with colleagues at “the show” – that something was brewing and i had little idea.

all the same her reaction summed up her attempts to be friendly with me back then. i was being “yours truly” at the time, and she was essentially being pushed away for her troubles. as it happens for the most part when her attempts to reach out is rebuffed she often gave an exasperated expression before she just moved on. when i walk off with no word, exasperated. when i get sarcastic, exasperated. an odd cycle i established…

as far as ever finding a way to reach out, my only answer is that it’s probably not a good idea at this point. she’s likely moved on and forgotten about me probably found others who were more willing to give her the time of day. hell she actually did allegedly find someone who would give her the time of day while still at the show. and she had her supervisor call off for her when she failed to report to work on one occasion allegedly.

all the same it’s a lesson learned and perhaps i treated her quite unfairly. candice really wasn’t a problem, however, her approach of the time being a young woman just wasn’t appreciated. on top of that now I consider this a sign of my now growing frustration with my role at “the show” and candice was likely going to have a difficult time breaking through.

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awkward

admittedly i seem to be the master of unrequited crushes. there have been a number of girls over the years with whom i’ve held great interest. there are a precious few still who know and may have an inkling. and i’m still a virgin…regardless i noted this with a coworker whom asked me a random question.

then a few days ago this convo i overhear between this coworker and a person in our neighboring department. this coworker noted that some guy friend requested her out of the blue recently on fb and then turned around and professed his love for her. some of that has to be an exaggeration but i can believe he made sure she knew he really likes her.

this guy used to work at the store reportedly and he quit at some point. according to her he would try to speak to her and finds himself mumbling. she basically knew he liked her and then he grows some courage after he quits finds her on fb and sends a quick message.

and this part amazes me she found his approach – though i could sense a creep alert coming – endearing and she agreed to go on a date with him. who knows if she actually went on said date, but i was like unbelievable. he went for it and it worked! 😮

in my case there have been precious few where i tried to get away with that. nicole is one prime example although a lot of moments led up to the eventual rejection there. she’s not the only example but there are women out there who became aware that i like them. of course i never seemed to be able to pursue anything with them.

this leads to one challenge…what if i found a bunch of women particularly online – no one i currently work with – and just expressed interest in them? what if i told them i liked them? of course these women would have to be vetted at least for having a boyfriend or whatever. if i was free and clear to be so bold why not.

oblivious

denial

sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman  for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.

i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.

for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.

i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.

what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.

sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.

sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.

it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.

honesty box kissing

p.txt

Here is one example of an honesty box convo that I’ve had. As I comb through the archives of my past messages, there will be more in the future. Hopefully more “sexual” in content although probably not entirely exciting.

you said,
Can I get some sugar off of those nice lips?

they said,
lol……that depends….

you said,
You need to know who I am? Or does it depend on if you like me or not? Or do I have to be tall dark and handsome?

they said,
i would like to know who you are…lol

you said,
I would LOVE to tell you, but I know I won’t get a kiss. 😛

they said,
how do you figure?

you said,
We live in two separate cities and to give a guy you may not know a kiss would require a road trip.

they said,
what city u live in?

you said,
In in ATL right now.

they said,
do we know each other?  y u wanna kiss me?  lol….

you said,
Nah, we don’t although we are “facebook friends”. As for the why, well aside for the fact that you seem to have nice lips, I just wanted to ask.

they said,
Whats ur name friend?

you said,
Let’s just say that you’ve heard from me from time to time. I may lay a compliment here and there. 🙂

they said,
oh…c’mon….i need another hint…

you said,
Would you want to know a strange guy who started off asking for a kiss? lol!!!

they said,
quit stalling and tell me who u are! lol

you said,
What if I sent you a message with my name on it? I’d do it anyway just to you know not keep stalling, but would it get me that kiss or what would happen? lol

they said,
still waiting for you to tell me who you are…you can write it in a note, on my wall….just tell me! lol

you said,
I don’t strive to make this type of thing public so it’ll have to be a Facebook message. You must want to give a kiss away don’t you. LOL!

they said,
i just wanna know who wants a kiss……then we can go from there…lol..send me a message

you said,
Sounds good. 🙂

they said,
lol

With that being said, I can’t say for certain how this ultimately concluded. I’d have to do some digging and figure this out. It’s entirely possible that nothing came of this and this young lady never found out who wanted to lock lips with her.

honesty box red lips

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In this young lady’s case i just wrote about her full red lips. she was the kind of girl i wanted to “lose my virginity” to. she seemed to have this athletic build judging by her pics. she wasn’t petite at all either. the question was could i handle her. you can consider this convo a wtf. although could i have saved myself some trouble if i just simply came out to her instead of going back and forth with her anonymously?

you said,
you\’ve got some red lips 😦

they said,
You mad?

you said,
Hb isn’t that serious

you said,
why would i be mad about red lips? besides what if i want to kiss them.

they said,
You put a sad face as if you didn’t like it.

they said,
Sorry, I don’t kiss people I don’t know.

you said,
meh it wasn’t that i didn’t like it. i did a lot, but like you said you have no idea who i am and you don’t know me. 😉

they said,
So you enjoy going back and forth without me knowing who you are?

you said,
still want to know?

and as with the others i seem to only connect with her around the time of her birthday. if i find an excuse to randomly say anything else often i get ignored. perhaps she’s too busy or wasn’t even that interested. That or I’m a random that’s not worth the time.

i decided to share this because i got the number of a girl who has nice lips.

i gave an imprecise term

the glossary is now the appendix. it’s not necessarily the best appendix to share but you have it now. it explains some of the names and terms. and if you have any questions you’re free to let me know. perhaps some of the items or the page itself needs a change.

tonight

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it’s not often i do a post so soon after something happened, but here are a series of things i wanted to discuss.

to start the store is buzzing over a security guard who had been arrested over the recent weekend. i don’t want to say what happened so we’ll say that it’s been discovered he robbed a sperm bank. yeah i know a little ludicrous, however, the real story is even stranger. even better it made the news with his mugshot blasted on tv.

i’ve met the guy, he seems ok the question i have is if he’s had a criminal past or otherwise his job history was actually fabricated how did he get the job. well he had been with the store for a while and he got through so what can you do.

tonight had been a weird night. i work with food so it seems we often had stops and starts this evening. we reset our displays at our venue and it seemed we get a rush and then the rush is over. my supervisor wanted us to take care of other needs unfortunately it seemed we kept getting customers at the wrong times. needless to say for the first time in a while we were quite busy.

btw, to go back to security guard for a moment. i continued a running joke about another coworker who got fired due to his attendance issues. this time i referenced the security guard and his crimes and threw in our coworkers name. got a quick cheap laugh for that one.

finally i took a 15 this evening and removed part of my uniform when someone from the sister college near when i went to school announced her presence. she saw my shirt and said she went to that sister college. to be honest i handled that poorly and i was only like OK. she was a tall cutie though.

later this woman and her friend came back to my area looking for a particular item and all i did was point them in a general direction. i realized later how i could’ve walked them to that section. needless to say i could’ve shown them more but chose not to.

whatever, i’ve been recognized by a certain crowd…

in the meanwhile, i’ll get a chance to see a musical group from my school perform next week. looking forward to supporting my school although i got tickets for it through a connection. although it would be cooler to go with a date as i believe this is something interesting and of note.