awkward

admittedly i seem to be the master of unrequited crushes. there have been a number of girls over the years with whom i’ve held great interest. there are a precious few still who know and may have an inkling. and i’m still a virgin…regardless i noted this with a coworker whom asked me a random question.

then a few days ago this convo i overhear between this coworker and a person in our neighboring department. this coworker noted that some guy friend requested her out of the blue recently on fb and then turned around and professed his love for her. some of that has to be an exaggeration but i can believe he made sure she knew he really likes her.

this guy used to work at the store reportedly and he quit at some point. according to her he would try to speak to her and finds himself mumbling. she basically knew he liked her and then he grows some courage after he quits finds her on fb and sends a quick message.

and this part amazes me she found his approach – though i could sense a creep alert coming – endearing and she agreed to go on a date with him. who knows if she actually went on said date, but i was like unbelievable. he went for it and it worked! 😮

in my case there have been precious few where i tried to get away with that. nicole is one prime example although a lot of moments led up to the eventual rejection there. she’s not the only example but there are women out there who became aware that i like them. of course i never seemed to be able to pursue anything with them.

this leads to one challenge…what if i found a bunch of women particularly online – no one i currently work with – and just expressed interest in them? what if i told them i liked them? of course these women would have to be vetted at least for having a boyfriend or whatever. if i was free and clear to be so bold why not.

oblivious

denial

sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman  for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.

i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.

for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.

i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.

what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.

sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.

sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.

it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.

honesty box kissing

p.txt

Here is one example of an honesty box convo that I’ve had. As I comb through the archives of my past messages, there will be more in the future. Hopefully more “sexual” in content although probably not entirely exciting.

you said,
Can I get some sugar off of those nice lips?

they said,
lol……that depends….

you said,
You need to know who I am? Or does it depend on if you like me or not? Or do I have to be tall dark and handsome?

they said,
i would like to know who you are…lol

you said,
I would LOVE to tell you, but I know I won’t get a kiss. 😛

they said,
how do you figure?

you said,
We live in two separate cities and to give a guy you may not know a kiss would require a road trip.

they said,
what city u live in?

you said,
In in ATL right now.

they said,
do we know each other?  y u wanna kiss me?  lol….

you said,
Nah, we don’t although we are “facebook friends”. As for the why, well aside for the fact that you seem to have nice lips, I just wanted to ask.

they said,
Whats ur name friend?

you said,
Let’s just say that you’ve heard from me from time to time. I may lay a compliment here and there. 🙂

they said,
oh…c’mon….i need another hint…

you said,
Would you want to know a strange guy who started off asking for a kiss? lol!!!

they said,
quit stalling and tell me who u are! lol

you said,
What if I sent you a message with my name on it? I’d do it anyway just to you know not keep stalling, but would it get me that kiss or what would happen? lol

they said,
still waiting for you to tell me who you are…you can write it in a note, on my wall….just tell me! lol

you said,
I don’t strive to make this type of thing public so it’ll have to be a Facebook message. You must want to give a kiss away don’t you. LOL!

they said,
i just wanna know who wants a kiss……then we can go from there…lol..send me a message

you said,
Sounds good. 🙂

they said,
lol

With that being said, I can’t say for certain how this ultimately concluded. I’d have to do some digging and figure this out. It’s entirely possible that nothing came of this and this young lady never found out who wanted to lock lips with her.

honesty box red lips

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In this young lady’s case i just wrote about her full red lips. she was the kind of girl i wanted to “lose my virginity” to. she seemed to have this athletic build judging by her pics. she wasn’t petite at all either. the question was could i handle her. you can consider this convo a wtf. although could i have saved myself some trouble if i just simply came out to her instead of going back and forth with her anonymously?

you said,
you\’ve got some red lips 😦

they said,
You mad?

you said,
Hb isn’t that serious

you said,
why would i be mad about red lips? besides what if i want to kiss them.

they said,
You put a sad face as if you didn’t like it.

they said,
Sorry, I don’t kiss people I don’t know.

you said,
meh it wasn’t that i didn’t like it. i did a lot, but like you said you have no idea who i am and you don’t know me. 😉

they said,
So you enjoy going back and forth without me knowing who you are?

you said,
still want to know?

and as with the others i seem to only connect with her around the time of her birthday. if i find an excuse to randomly say anything else often i get ignored. perhaps she’s too busy or wasn’t even that interested. That or I’m a random that’s not worth the time.

i decided to share this because i got the number of a girl who has nice lips.

i gave an imprecise term

the glossary is now the appendix. it’s not necessarily the best appendix to share but you have it now. it explains some of the names and terms. and if you have any questions you’re free to let me know. perhaps some of the items or the page itself needs a change.

tonight

CroppedImage600338-Tonight-forum-widget

it’s not often i do a post so soon after something happened, but here are a series of things i wanted to discuss.

to start the store is buzzing over a security guard who had been arrested over the recent weekend. i don’t want to say what happened so we’ll say that it’s been discovered he robbed a sperm bank. yeah i know a little ludicrous, however, the real story is even stranger. even better it made the news with his mugshot blasted on tv.

i’ve met the guy, he seems ok the question i have is if he’s had a criminal past or otherwise his job history was actually fabricated how did he get the job. well he had been with the store for a while and he got through so what can you do.

tonight had been a weird night. i work with food so it seems we often had stops and starts this evening. we reset our displays at our venue and it seemed we get a rush and then the rush is over. my supervisor wanted us to take care of other needs unfortunately it seemed we kept getting customers at the wrong times. needless to say for the first time in a while we were quite busy.

btw, to go back to security guard for a moment. i continued a running joke about another coworker who got fired due to his attendance issues. this time i referenced the security guard and his crimes and threw in our coworkers name. got a quick cheap laugh for that one.

finally i took a 15 this evening and removed part of my uniform when someone from the sister college near when i went to school announced her presence. she saw my shirt and said she went to that sister college. to be honest i handled that poorly and i was only like OK. she was a tall cutie though.

later this woman and her friend came back to my area looking for a particular item and all i did was point them in a general direction. i realized later how i could’ve walked them to that section. needless to say i could’ve shown them more but chose not to.

whatever, i’ve been recognized by a certain crowd…

in the meanwhile, i’ll get a chance to see a musical group from my school perform next week. looking forward to supporting my school although i got tickets for it through a connection. although it would be cooler to go with a date as i believe this is something interesting and of note.

trying again, i suppose

happy-valentines-day-2014i sent my favorite ordained minister friend janice a quick message last month. she’s a member of a sorority and noted that she’s the only friend i have in that sorority. her message indicated that she liked that unfortunately my follow-up didn’t elicit an immediate response.

then valentine’s day came around – i noted my one facebook adventure with that – i decided to wish her a happy valentines and then followed up with asking about plans. i also noted my conclusions with some of the ones i asked often it was they had schoolwork or no plans. in janice’s case a girl’s night out which she acknowleged in the affirmative with a one word answer.

later i asked her if she saw any movies lately. basically just connecting with something i know she enjoys doing apparently. i’m going back to my “breakthrough” with her we like to go to the show.

well i’m trying to figure the no pressure thing not just with janice or any other young lady connected with from college or any other time. i’m also attempting to figure this out with women in general. no pressure let things develop and then hopefully will unexpectedly reach a goal.

sadly it took me a long time to finally realize this.