One final drop – revisit

hoopty

Hot hoopty!

I’m revisiting the post I wrote around this time last year to consider this something of a milestone. It’s been over three years since I really last talked to Anthony the hustler. The events of this month three years ago – or in 2017 – marked the last real time I talked to him as a friend. It took some other events to cause me to reconsider our “situationship” however this month essentially marked the beginning of the end.

I called back to some of the events of this period of time in a pair of posts earlier this year. I noted his insistence on mention a certain character who I will close the character arc on him in the near future. And also Ant’s need to all the sudden expect me to chase money and consider working elsewhere in spite of how things had been going at the Hole during that period of time.

Well it took things going in a downward direction back in the latter half of ’17 which really caused me to blackout any communications with the Hustler. I was in no mood for any begging and I definitely had no intention of tell him my own sob story about how it all went wrong at that time. I just knew as I wrote that post last year also that I’d be even more depressed about it once it did come out.

It took me many years to realize at least with the Hustler trying to become part of my space, that yours truly was really under attack by him. It was unlike anything I really experienced the out of line personal questions, early requests for money, and even his seeming inability to realize I was backing off. Some of this I can recognize he knew what he was doing in some of these instances, for him it was an attempt at establishing a mentorship but as time goes on I view this as yours truly was a target for him. I fell right for the trap.

The red flags were flying all around the longer I maintained contact – essentially I’ve known him for the better part of nine years at this point. I like to believe the best in people and for a time I did believe the best in him. However, I know what it all lead to and I’m very glad that it’s over.

I must also add yes, I did write a post two months ago that I have no further stories to tell about him and that it’s probably time to stop talking about him on this blog. I recognize that I had broken that promise. In this instance it was necessary to note a milestone that seemed very unthinkable over three years ago.

Finally it must be noted that I’ve made some online efforts to cut any attempt at contact. While I haven’t blocked him from calling he hasn’t hit my phone since Christmas Day. If blocked any attempt at communication through facebook though it may be possible he could try to comment on those statuses he can actually see. I blocked him on twitter (which he doesn’t seem to use anymore), instagram (which aside from a few likes on some of my posts there he rarely seemed to use it), and even linked in (which he also seemed to rarely use). Time will tell if he’s finally gotten the hint, however, I’m trying not to be complacent.

The lesson with that individual is that he came around because he needed something. I found myself recognize how much he tried to chase me around once he made his purpose known. So I realize in this I made some mistakes, it causes me to realize that in dealing with people like him yours truly just has to be more forceful in keeping someone like this out of my space.

May I meet people who truly belong in my space.

Boundaries

I saw the Mr. Rogers picture recently A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I have a greater appreciation for the contributions to children’s entertainment that Fred Rogers made. The show he headlined for many years was truly ground breaking and Rogers set out to do something different from the children’s TV programming of his day that he found horrible.

Tonight’s musical interlude that you will see in the video below. What would you do with the mad that you feel?

The movie itself is really about the journalist who profiled Mr. Rogers for his magazine as much as it was about the famed children’s entertainer. I feel as if Rogers probed the journalist as much as the journalist probed Mr. Rogers. It’s almost as if he knew to flip the script on this supposedly tough journalist who in the picture is portrayed as an investigative journalist who didn’t like doing “puff” pieces like this.

The funny thing is Rogers requested this journalist he knew the types of articles he wrote. He knew this wasn’t a typical assignment for him and by the end of the movie the dynamic was much different. I’m sure the journalist tried to keep it as an assignment and instead perhaps it got much more warmer than that.

Well some aspects of Mr. Rogers’ behavior in this picture gave me some flashbacks. Perhaps I had my own situation with that and in this case while I do believe Rogers is the real deal, the other end of that situation was the real deal in a different sense. He knew what he was doing and why he was doing it. He may have stumbled into it with no advance anything, but once he realized what was up he tried hard to force himself into my own personal space.

I wrote about that individual quite a few times on this blog and have portrayed some of his antics as that of a disappointed father. It didn’t take much for him to make it seem like I failed at whatever tasks that he wanted me to finish. It could be dating, job hunting, on the job although he’s not my boss, or just life in general. There was always a problem for every solution, my solution was often inadequate.

Sometimes you have to realize what someone is trying to do. My mistake was that I wasn’t as forceful in enforcing my boundaries. I allowed him to think some of this actions was OK. He didn’t deserve an opportunity to not only engage in time sucking, but monetary sucking also. He also doesn’t deserve the opportunity to engage in energy sucking.

So for the picture which I hope you will see in the near future these are my thoughts on it. It’s a great picture to go see at the theater to learn a tad bit more about a man who was a part of so many of our childhoods. I have a greater appreciation for him and perhaps someone like him is out there who is genuinely concerned about people and young children.

I found this article interesting and is something worth working through for myself. Everybody is different and no sense of stressing out over it if their differences with you have nothing to do with you. I myself am still learning not to let others cause me stress over something I really have no way of changing. Although it seems relatively rare that I can cause someone else stress, which could be fun if done right. 😛
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Savings

I have never really gave a sequence of events for the night that Anthony the hustler who after starting his job at The Show was quickly willing to ask yours truly for money. It wasn’t long (perhaps a week, my memory isn’t that clear anymore) after I offered him a ride home on the south side and inquiring about my life rather rudely. Little did I know the door I had opened.

Not long after this we were waiting for the train one evening and – well he almost directed me – we connected on facebook and I gave him my cell phone number. In my mind why not, I might need a work related favor from him, however, little did I know he was going to be quick to ask an even bigger favor than I had expected from him.

One night during the week, I had a shift that started at 6 PM or so and my mother allowed me to drive her car that evening. At some point before leaving home I saw on my phone (a Blackberry that was out of style as soon as I had bought it) that he had called. What does he want I thought at the time and chose to ignore it because he can’t want something so soon after we just got connected.

So I drive to work, and in those days I carried a tote bag with me to carry my uniform and work hat. Usually I take it into the building with meto our locker room where I would change into my full uniform before going on duty for the night. At some point Anthony finds me doing my rounds on the floor. He may have asked me about his phone call, however, he fell into his pitch asking “Can I borrow some money from you?” about coming up short and needing a few dollars until payday when he promises to pay yours truly back – hence one part of the reason for the title of this post. Which threw me off badly alas my mind wasn’t willing to just say NO to a guy who just asked for money a short time after I had just met him….

So anyway this bothered me all night long until I ran into Henry who was also working that night. I was led to believe The Hustler not only was expecting some cash, he also expected to get a ride home that night. I told Henry the story and he suggested I leave him there. Thus I hatched my plan.

I made sure when I made it to my unpaid 30 min break that I got my things out of my locker and put it in the car. It was in preparation for my quick getaway from The Hustler who had marked me to be used rather quickly (and I wonder if it was based on that weird conversation we had on the ride to his place). It probably didn’t even take 10-15 mins to get my belongings.

Once it was close to my quitting time, Anthony starts coming around and following me. Believe me I was nervous as hell very uncomfortable about doing something so impolite, but what Anthony did was also impolite and it was a problem for me at that point. He was expecting a ride home and some cash. I don’t remember how I got away from him, perhaps mgmt called him away or something. However as soon as possible I clocked off for the night, ran to the car, and drove off! I had successfully ditched Anthony….

Hence the other main reason for the title of this post. 😛

When I got home I saw that he called and left a voicemail. I start to listen to the voicemail he calls out my name and I could tell the disappointment in his voice. I didn’t finish listen I immediately deleted the voicemail. He never spoke of what happened that night again, and Henry joked later that Anthony was upset when I left without him because he had wanted to get a hot dog with the borrowed cash. The only response from Anthoy offered for that evening was a later attempt by him to connect again asking “Why don’t you speak to me?” So if that was a sign of anything because I never told him to buzz off after that it wasn’t a signal of deterrence and he was going to keep coming around.

And also I knew enough of his background to find his quick request for money strange. He had left his job as a mgr at a dollar store to take on a minimum wage job (of eight and one quarter) at a movie theater. He also told me that he was once a hot shot mgr at a local grocery chain from which he retired at 40 (seriously?). For a man in his 50s, why is he going around looking for someone to mooch money off of when he should be in a far better position than he was then or even is now.

Why did I never get promoted to mgmt?

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This is back when I decided to finally finish talking about my former employers at “The Show”. My time there had somewhat informed some aspects of how I conducted myself on some of my later jobs. (yes “Gotham Bank”, “Fresh Foods”, and even the “Dine-in show”)

I would like to say that I used my experience here to do better especially at “Fresh”. My time at that theater is one of the reason I look for growth take on new roles in addition to making more money and getting benefits.

Until I wrote this post it had often perplexed me that I never made mgmt. In this post from over a year ago I attempt to explain at least in my humble opinion why I never had the opportunity to truly grow at the theater. It’s as important and answer as any, and it also informs what I hope to do in the future.

Especially if I’m successful in taking on a new role at my current job. Also I may further expand upon this in the future!

Feeling No Love

as jack v continues to finish the storyline involving “the show” we explore why a promotion to mgmt never happened. in this post one reason why it wasn’t likely to happen.

manager-employee

the primary reason why I left “the show” was because of growth as yours truly wasn’t growing at the theater. having worked there for five years especially since it opened it meant nothing not only to the coworkers but to the managers – many of whom came and went over the years. many likely began to view me as a drag and why because everyone had an awful opinion of me. it’s possible that i helped to create this opinion but if someone wants to complain it’s easier for me to say i don’t want to work with them.

it leads to one opinion as to why it never happened was my inability to get along or relate to…

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it’s candice’s turn…

img_1148-1in this post i’m going to discuss some remaining business and analysis regarding candice. you first read about her in a post titled “you make the call” and generally shows my response to her sudden interest in me one summer when we both worked at “the show”. it left me very uncomfortable in some respects and she was very determined to keep my attention until she stopped.

in later posts i referred to her as missy’s good buddy. missy was the one-off foe who spend the remaining time she had at the theater powering tripping because of her “connections”. with this in mind i now consider missy & candy (hey that rhymes) something of a one-two punch or good cop and bad cop – hint missy was the bad cop.

to illustrate this point one-time outside of a auditorium as a movie let out missy so incensed or out of control because i ignored her for most of my shift said one infamous thing to me and far more infamous than a threat – “if i’m a bitch, then i’m going to be a bitch”. candace was that probably not egging her on, though certainly not trying to calm situation down and besides i wouldn’t pay a whole lot of attention to her anyway during that time. regardless missy lost all control and as she lost it i strove to maintain my own. she wasn’t going to get me to say anything i didn’t want to and whatever i was going to say was going to get her going because she was already there.

now, candace was essentially laying down a welcome mat for reasons only she knew. when i tell this story to some of the young men i work with they don’t understand, the opportunity was presenting itself and you wouldn’t go for it – you BLEW it. it never got through that perhaps i had little interest in her and it was largely based on her young behaviors and certainly what i see as her aggression in trying to get my attention.

i have one theory as far as why everything happened and i’ve deduced it to one night that summer – before “the show” got particularly busy later that summer. the move in question on that evening was the purge and she – as far as i knew just arrived on the scene at that point. i walked up behind her, perhaps got a lil too close and told her to turn the radio down. unfortunately we didn’t have ear-pieces for the radios like most other businesses that uses walkie-talkie. we had to remember when we walk in a theater to turn them down while a movie is playing.

soooo i think at some point as the theater let out and we began cleaning we talked about the job and then forgot all about her. the girl in question somewhat matches my basic description of candice – a young girl (19 or 20), nice body, long real hair – that she probably put into a pony tail, and a nice face for sure. perhaps it set her interest signals off and in the meanwhile i just thought not much of this after that.

of course as stated in that long ago post she spoke to me as i rushed to the time clock having been running late and after blowing this off she walks up to me and blocks my path as i attempted to go around her. something really set off in her mind after simply not realizing or knowing that she was trying to speak to me and i didn’t speak back to her. basically this started a long summer trend where she tries to speak and i generally don’t respond. occasionally i’d just engage in sarcastic behavior finding it amusing to myself but not to her as she really wanted to talk to me and all i did was push her away.

one particular part of this story i noted was that a supervisor said hello to me as the theater was shutting down for the night and i spoke back. candice was behind concession and was upset that i spoke back to the supervisor – and this is because i mostly don’t just say hello back to her. she was seen just twisting and turning because of my general response to her wasn’t different than my response to the supervisor. in fact, the supervisor did ask, “why are you getting mad candice?”

one part of the revenge candice offered was one night when i had to close the floor at the theater. i left my walkie at the customer service desk thinking i didn’t need it anymore. minutes later candice who was off duty for the night came and found me and made sure i got that walkie back because another one of her buddies a supervisor decided that i needed a radio. as i complained she walked off without a word just back turned and probably satisfied with my response.

this other supervisor was a loud mouth and sometimes didn’t seem to have a steady mood with me from day to day or moment to moment. eventually after basically sh*tting on another associate at the theater she got herself fired. there is an official reason, but allegedly i can say she really got fired for treating someone badly.

one final moment not before mentioned. one day candice and two other young women were often seen huddled around auditoriums before the movie starts. everyone wasn’t supposed to be together like that. and one of those women were supposed to be doing rounds about the facility with me. and she didn’t like to do much work anyway – even if later she expressed interest in becoming a manager and it never happened.

either way this young woman asked if i was doing this, that or another and i simply said yes & no as i kept walking past the sisters. candice jumped on this immediately saying something undecipherable, and certainly it was about what i just said. another young lady who witnessed the whole convo – and whom i never said a whole lot to – simply chimed in with “he’s got a smart-ass mouth”. before i wrap up the storyline i’ll introduce you to her this particular one is called the “bullshark”.

otherwise after this candice and yours truly never had words cross paths with each other again and incidentally the next year i saw her on a train as i headed to the north side. i figured out who she was seeing some traits that reminded me of her and it certainly included a tote she often carried with her to work. if we made eye contact she’d immediately break it, but message clear that wasn’t the time to make a connection with her. she headed north and i got off at my stop.

now jack, why had you been responding to candice that way?

to be honest i kept doing what i was doing because it amused me. i never saw what i was doing as a rejection and it never occurred to me that candice would simply leave me alone. that being said her behavior was somewhat aggressive on some level especially the time she snapped at me behind concession as we both had customers to take care of – that was patently aggressive. otherwise her need to keep my attention was definitely aggressive and i wouldn’t respond to her.

as much as i characterize my response as a non-rejection it was certainly a reaction. remember i’m in my early thirties college graduate and working with young people who are still developing at a movie theater. here she comes matching me move for move repeating that “you know you heard me talking to you”. that behavior didn’t compute and any other times after that i just simply decided she was trying to hard and perhaps she did have an agenda. but then this agenda is really an unanswered question. was she really interested in me or did she really want to add to the gossip? btw, any gossip about me my goal was to remain blind and i tried not to care unless someone just mentioned it to me out of the blue.

now that i’ve grown a bit such then i did consider looking for candice on social media. the only social media i see her using is instagram and she had exhibited – because she’s young still – the need to show herself off. when you think about it most young women do like to show themselves off. i suppose the only question today is if she’d remember who i am and if she would ever connect with me on instagram. perhaps then i could attempt to explain some things as back then i had no willingess to explain some of my actions to her. besides my actions should speak louder than words even if they had been uncalled for.

all the same i’ve never really came up with a very satisfactory answer as to why i kept blowing off candice. to use the whole standing in my path thing was a bit of an excuse more than anything. to be sure it was irritating at the wrong time given my situation, but of course she may well have seen it differently. obviously there was a reason why she wanted my attention. and as stated once the more she continued the more sarcastic and oblivious i became.

one more tidbit here one time i was off of work and switch from my cap and uniform shirt and as i walked from locker room candice saw me and attempted to speak. she tried to compliment my hat but to whatever she said i basically kept saying “what?”. another coworker off to the side obviously saw this whole convo as awkward. candiace had to stop and say “i’m complimenting you” or “why are you being mean” or even at another point “i’m trying to talk to you because you seem like you need a friend”.

btw, in anger even missy said to me during her out of control moment outside of an auditorium, “you need a friend jack”. almost as if saying – and this was long before i ever started having real issues with colleagues at “the show” – that something was brewing and i had little idea.

all the same her reaction summed up her attempts to be friendly with me back then. i was being “yours truly” at the time, and she was essentially being pushed away for her troubles. as it happens for the most part when her attempts to reach out is rebuffed she often gave an exasperated expression before she just moved on. when i walk off with no word, exasperated. when i get sarcastic, exasperated. an odd cycle i established…

as far as ever finding a way to reach out, my only answer is that it’s probably not a good idea at this point. she’s likely moved on and forgotten about me probably found others who were more willing to give her the time of day. hell she actually did allegedly find someone who would give her the time of day while still at the show. and she had her supervisor call off for her when she failed to report to work on one occasion allegedly.

all the same it’s a lesson learned and perhaps i treated her quite unfairly. candice really wasn’t a problem, however, her approach of the time being a young woman just wasn’t appreciated. on top of that now I consider this a sign of my now growing frustration with my role at “the show” and candice was likely going to have a difficult time breaking through.

positivity

movie-theateri talk so much negativity about “the show” consider the fact that i used to refer to it as “shitplace”. my decision long ago was only to just not be so vulgar and then enable me to say some positive things.

so let me tell you at times i dread a busy night, but it was cool to see people come to the show. sometimes it was a drag because not only you got the nice people you also got people who brought their attitudes to the movies with them. i could say the same for many of the employees but this post isn’t necessarily about them and i’ve said what i needed to say about them.

one cool thing about that job was the convenience, it was relatively close to downtown chicago. for a number of years there was little action there as it was located in a shopping center that was all vacant until my eventual departure. it was also the one job i was able to drive to and often park for free in the parking garage.

i was able to watch so many movies during downtime whether or not on an unpaid break. some of the people i met there – especially anthony – i’m still in touch with to this day. can’t say for some of the eligible and attractive young women i met. there has to be some form of effort with that on my part. of course there are many who won’t be worth the time of day.

also in part due to my work history – where i had little to no employment in my 20s – this was the longest tenured job i’ve ever held. a record hopefully to be surpassed by my current employers at a grocery store. even if i spent most of my time at “the show” frustrated it was something of a success and i learned some skill even if the young people around me never took advantage of some of the simple aspects of making sales.

another thing i should learn from this experience is that no one has any right to treat me with no respect and to find ways to quell any disrespect. and sometimes it matters not if they continue to persist which they will. the main thing is to not lose my head in the commotion keep cool and just remove myself from the situation.

another thing to consider is that talking one day with anthony he considered this gig a cakewalk. people liked to complain but it really was a simple job. my thoughts are that there are those who were just there to complain about the smallest issues while not doing a whole lot of work themselves.

of course one of my disappointments about this place was that i was never promoted. one way to fix that is to talk to the leadership. or at the very least find someone you can talk to about it and hope they will put your name forward. another thing to be mindful of is who you work with, you never know what’s going on in their minds and it may blindside you.

another friend of mine learned that with other coworkers but only after i had left and he got promoted to supervisor. he got let go because some of the workers with whom he worked before promotion decided to make him a target. either way another lesson learned.

bottom line i miss some of the excitement of the movie especially being on the inside. although i work at a grocery store now and get paid much better than at “the show” the excitement is of a different type and can’t compare to the theater. in fact it’s one reason i returned to the business briefly almost a year after leaving.

even though i don’t consider “the show” my scene anymore sometimes i return to it just to reminisce. i have yet to go to a movie there since i left, but it would be worth it at some point in the future. another thing anthony liked to say is that it’s not the place but it’s people and i’ve accepted that he’s right. just one thing it can be hard to separate the people from the place.

now i can finally consider from where i come from to where i am today. life is always about growth and there’s still more to do. maybe i’ll cross paths with the theater business again and maybe i’ll move up in that world the day i do. in the meanwhile what am i going to do where i am now?

frustration

frustration

next month i would like to talk more about why i left the job at “the show” two years ago. what i hoped to gain by leaving and indeed what led up to me leaving. in effect next month is marking another milestone, it’s been two years since i finally left.

a few months ago i talked about frustration. it led me to have very unfortunate relationships with some of my coworkers. it led to some conflict with many of the most drama prone individuals – mostly teenaged girls. however with that experience i was able to take it with me to the next point.

when i last met with anthony i thought about some moments that i got caught up in easily and it was out of frustration with my role there. i got into with people even when for the most part i tried hard to ignore any potential issues.

with that being said on my end there was some aloofness and it may have kept me from advancing there. it may have allowed some of the young people to take some of my actions personally. i feel as if many of them thought it was about them when it wasn’t.

in some cases i knew after some incidents that some were trouble so i kept my distance. and it becomes i question everything you do because you won’t speak to me. i could be as silly as they are.

sometimes it gives me the idea that those individuals willingness to make someone a target they had their own miseries that they either brought with them to work or they were miserable at work. the thing is at this point their problems are now their problems and it is their own problem to work through them.

then i consider what has happened the past year and a half. leaving was the best thing i did. who knows where the troublemakers are now. at least now they still arent part of my future.

i gave an imprecise term

the glossary is now the appendix. it’s not necessarily the best appendix to share but you have it now. it explains some of the names and terms. and if you have any questions you’re free to let me know. perhaps some of the items or the page itself needs a change.

two week notice

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you may recognize the title of this post. it was written near the end of last year and then took it down. now i rewrite it the last few weeks at my former job with a movie theater – although i have since returned to this business although a different company. it was the most highly anticipate moment and it took me some time before it happened. perhaps one day i’ll tell more stories about the prolonged job hunt while there.

now to be sure, often i talk sh*t about this place and often indicated how bad i thought it was. my issues were at times with both managers and coworkers. especially the ones who were about creating drama and how often i seemed to have walked into it in spite of my attempts to stay away. all the same the drama with anyone ended essentially the moment i put in my two weeks at the suggestion – perhaps mandatory – of one of my managers after i told him i’m quitting.

i told a precious few of my coworkers about my plan to leave. and i told them that i got a job offer, and i finally found one after so much time. it was time to prepare for the ill-fated job at the bank. i was doing new hire things for the bank while i finished off my time at the soon to be former job.

what was it new hire paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, and even oh my God a drug test. a lot of things to fit in before it was time to start the new job.

in the meanwhile time for the victory lap. many of the managers who i felt talked sh*t about me looking for reasons to just write me up or get me in trouble were curious about the fact that i was leaving. they may not have wanted me to stay themselves, but they wanted to know where i was going. i found it really funny…

the scheduling manager was giving me the speech outside of the concession stand about how i was leaving them. i was tempted to give the rundown about why i was leaving and how bad this place was. the manager giggling said don’t say it…

btw, one of the managers was leaving roughly during the same period of time i was. she suggested she’d want to work at a bank and i’d be like i won’t recommend you. while she was a piece of work during most of my time there she was probably miserable too hence she was often the way she was. she found her way out and surely many breathed a sigh of relief when she left.

either way a few of the managers continued to speak about my impending departure with many of them saying “i don’t believe it”. bottom line was that it’s been time to do something more make more money, get some benefits, and more.

the last day i worked people were speaking about it, i was saying my last good byes. shared stares with those coworkers who for whatever reason didn’t care much for me. i barely did any work that night.

so either way at the end of the night shook hands and said my final good byes to everyone. including one of the security guards i knew. next thing i knew off to the bank i went.