positivity

movie-theateri talk so much negativity about “the show” consider the fact that i used to refer to it as “shitplace”. my decision long ago was only to just not be so vulgar and then enable me to say some positive things.

so let me tell you at times i dread a busy night, but it was cool to see people come to the show. sometimes it was a drag because not only you got the nice people you also got people who brought their attitudes to the movies with them. i could say the same for many of the employees but this post isn’t necessarily about them and i’ve said what i needed to say about them.

one cool thing about that job was the convenience, it was relatively close to downtown chicago. for a number of years there was little action there as it was located in a shopping center that was all vacant until my eventual departure. it was also the one job i was able to drive to and often park for free in the parking garage.

i was able to watch so many movies during downtime whether or not on an unpaid break. some of the people i met there – especially anthony – i’m still in touch with to this day. can’t say for some of the eligible and attractive young women i met. there has to be some form of effort with that on my part. of course there are many who won’t be worth the time of day.

also in part due to my work history – where i had little to no employment in my 20s – this was the longest tenured job i’ve ever held. a record hopefully to be surpassed by my current employers at a grocery store. even if i spent most of my time at “the show” frustrated it was something of a success and i learned some skill even if the young people around me never took advantage of some of the simple aspects of making sales.

another thing i should learn from this experience is that no one has any right to treat me with no respect and to find ways to quell any disrespect. and sometimes it matters not if they continue to persist which they will. the main thing is to not lose my head in the commotion keep cool and just remove myself from the situation.

another thing to consider is that talking one day with anthony he considered this gig a cakewalk. people liked to complain but it really was a simple job. my thoughts are that there are those who were just there to complain about the smallest issues while not doing a whole lot of work themselves.

of course one of my disappointments about this place was that i was never promoted. one way to fix that is to talk to the leadership. or at the very least find someone you can talk to about it and hope they will put your name forward. another thing to be mindful of is who you work with, you never know what’s going on in their minds and it may blindside you.

another friend of mine learned that with other coworkers but only after i had left and he got promoted to supervisor. he got let go because some of the workers with whom he worked before promotion decided to make him a target. either way another lesson learned.

bottom line i miss some of the excitement of the movie especially being on the inside. although i work at a grocery store now and get paid much better than at “the show” the excitement is of a different type and can’t compare to the theater. in fact it’s one reason i returned to the business briefly almost a year after leaving.

even though i don’t consider “the show” my scene anymore sometimes i return to it just to reminisce. i have yet to go to a movie there since i left, but it would be worth it at some point in the future. another thing anthony liked to say is that it’s not the place but it’s people and i’ve accepted that he’s right. just one thing it can be hard to separate the people from the place.

now i can finally consider from where i come from to where i am today. life is always about growth and there’s still more to do. maybe i’ll cross paths with the theater business again and maybe i’ll move up in that world the day i do. in the meanwhile what am i going to do where i am now?

frustration

frustration

next month i would like to talk more about why i left the job at “the show” two years ago. what i hoped to gain by leaving and indeed what led up to me leaving. in effect next month is marking another milestone, it’s been two years since i finally left.

a few months ago i talked about frustration. it led me to have very unfortunate relationships with some of my coworkers. it led to some conflict with many of the most drama prone individuals – mostly teenaged girls. however with that experience i was able to take it with me to the next point.

when i last met with anthony i thought about some moments that i got caught up in easily and it was out of frustration with my role there. i got into with people even when for the most part i tried hard to ignore any potential issues.

with that being said on my end there was some aloofness and it may have kept me from advancing there. it may have allowed some of the young people to take some of my actions personally. i feel as if many of them thought it was about them when it wasn’t.

in some cases i knew after some incidents that some were trouble so i kept my distance. and it becomes i question everything you do because you won’t speak to me. i could be as silly as they are.

sometimes it gives me the idea that those individuals willingness to make someone a target they had their own miseries that they either brought with them to work or they were miserable at work. the thing is at this point their problems are now their problems and it is their own problem to work through them.

then i consider what has happened the past year and a half. leaving was the best thing i did. who knows where the troublemakers are now. at least now they still arent part of my future.

i gave an imprecise term

the glossary is now the appendix. it’s not necessarily the best appendix to share but you have it now. it explains some of the names and terms. and if you have any questions you’re free to let me know. perhaps some of the items or the page itself needs a change.

two week notice

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you may recognize the title of this post. it was written near the end of last year and then took it down. now i rewrite it the last few weeks at my former job with a movie theater – although i have since returned to this business although a different company. it was the most highly anticipate moment and it took me some time before it happened. perhaps one day i’ll tell more stories about the prolonged job hunt while there.

now to be sure, often i talk sh*t about this place and often indicated how bad i thought it was. my issues were at times with both managers and coworkers. especially the ones who were about creating drama and how often i seemed to have walked into it in spite of my attempts to stay away. all the same the drama with anyone ended essentially the moment i put in my two weeks at the suggestion – perhaps mandatory – of one of my managers after i told him i’m quitting.

i told a precious few of my coworkers about my plan to leave. and i told them that i got a job offer, and i finally found one after so much time. it was time to prepare for the ill-fated job at the bank. i was doing new hire things for the bank while i finished off my time at the soon to be former job.

what was it new hire paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, and even oh my God a drug test. a lot of things to fit in before it was time to start the new job.

in the meanwhile time for the victory lap. many of the managers who i felt talked sh*t about me looking for reasons to just write me up or get me in trouble were curious about the fact that i was leaving. they may not have wanted me to stay themselves, but they wanted to know where i was going. i found it really funny…

the scheduling manager was giving me the speech outside of the concession stand about how i was leaving them. i was tempted to give the rundown about why i was leaving and how bad this place was. the manager giggling said don’t say it…

btw, one of the managers was leaving roughly during the same period of time i was. she suggested she’d want to work at a bank and i’d be like i won’t recommend you. while she was a piece of work during most of my time there she was probably miserable too hence she was often the way she was. she found her way out and surely many breathed a sigh of relief when she left.

either way a few of the managers continued to speak about my impending departure with many of them saying “i don’t believe it”. bottom line was that it’s been time to do something more make more money, get some benefits, and more.

the last day i worked people were speaking about it, i was saying my last good byes. shared stares with those coworkers who for whatever reason didn’t care much for me. i barely did any work that night.

so either way at the end of the night shook hands and said my final good byes to everyone. including one of the security guards i knew. next thing i knew off to the bank i went.

the transitory period

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I’ve thought about whether or not I should talk about my time at the bank. This is considered something of a transitory period that only filled the time between the cinema and my current job (which while i may call it the office it’s in fact in retail).

In another post it was noted that it took me a month to and another job after the firing. Funny thing is the day before the bad news hit I had already arranged an interview for my current job. It proved to be a short period on unemployment.

Before that with the same company I currently work for I had an interview at a different location. My availability probably wasn’t what they were looking for and ultimately it didn’t happen for me.

It was an interesting situation as I had to answer what I was seeking. Essentially I was lead into just looking to make a few extra hours on top of the 20 hours a week I had already been working. Either way it’s hard to interview when you realize you hate your job.

at least in time for the next interview with my current job it wasn’t something i had to answer for. indeed the topic didn’t come up and the bank job never came up. just as well what happened at the bank is something at least that was very forgettable.

it only led me to something that was a much better fit. perhaps when i left the cinema the job i was meant to have wasn’t ready for me yet. this is how i’ll choose to look at it.

frustration

frustration

i wrote a post about frustration earlier. it was as much about frustration with my job at the cinema although i never went at it at length. it’s a story and unfortunately i rarely forget these things. on top of that it weighs me down when i think about it and it’s time to really forget about it.

it’s funny when you think about it, this company i had been with for almost five years and i still have nothing but disdain for my experience there. it’s not like i didn’t make many connections with the many people i had worked with. it’s the people men, women, coworkers, and management with whom i failed to connect with.

perhaps i’d have found her at this point and maybe i’d still be there and not at the same level where i remained until turning in my notice. i think what i’m most upset about even now is my relationship with the coworkers. not sure how it got so bad with the ones i worked with the longest but also the ones who were essentially rookies.

i hate to place blame on a location for why things seem so bad to me. it’s seems really easy to point that finger. it seems the cinema where i was employed had a knack for hiring individuals who came in with the worst aspects of their personalities. especially after they settled in after a period of time.

unfortunately with many i bore the brunt of the worst aspect of their personalities. although i also recognize that i wasn’t alone and everyone else probably have their own stories to tell.

another thing i consider is the youth of so many who worked there. it was so easy for them to get under my skin and for me apparently to get under theirs. sometimes i got wise and sometimes they got wiser especially if it meant that you had to find a way to de-escalate the situation. sometimes i wasn’t so good at it with those individuals who were into engaging in aggressive actions.

with that being said while people connected with those whom they were compatible workwise there were many whom they likely didn’t get along with. in others just some irrational responses such as believing i would engage in similar behaviors with them or expecting me to when it was never my intention. for those like that it only showed they weren’t about anything.

that is to say they weren’t willing or able to cast aside their personal feelings for the sake of professionalism. it’s also something i’m guilty of as well, but only to prove my point as i knew that they didn’t care for me. can’t be outspoken about whatever feelings you may have for me to just stand there and just take it at least not for long.

with that being said, i’ve had the opportunity to reflect on some things and i learn more all the time. perhaps i should own my culpability in some of these situations as they could’ve been handled differently by me. and also that perhaps there wasn’t much i could do if those individuals insisted on engaging in actions i found disruptive.

regardless, some could beg the question if i was  miserable why did i stay. my basic answer was because it was important for me to find another job first. this was why i stayed at the financial institution where i began to dread working until being terminated. with the sh*tty cinema it was important to show them that i could find something better than them.

it also possible that there was some comfort there. it was familiar and it took me leaving for me to realize that. it took me struggling at a new job for me to realize that.

funny thing is when i finally turned in my two week notice management noticed and were curious about where i was going. some it seemed were sorry to see me go, but also recognized it was time for me to go. this response was funny as with many on that team were more or less into letting me know how i messed up somewhere and for anything.

with those coworkers that i left behind and so many who left me behind they’re in the rearview mirror. while i seem to have a long memory that’s where they belong. they were miserable in their own way and brought it to work with them and i likely fed off/into that. that misery spread and probably affected the workplace in theirits own way.

now my goal is to say that i shall never allow myself to be so miserable like that again. i can’t let someone else’s negative or aggressive personality affect me so much that i only add to whatever problems exist at the job.

signals

kwhen it comes to my awkward dealings with women i have an interest i always look for signs or signals. the main signal must be favorable to me or otherwise i have a hard time deciding whether or not she wants me. when it comes to waiting for such signals i’ve been burned before.

that being said over the years i have proven to be very oblivious to whatever signals a woman may send. look no further than my story about candace, the signals were there and i chose to remain oblivious. that’s  not the only one, but it’s said only in 20/20 hindsight.

whether or not i get the “go-ahead” signal from a woman the issue with me is how to proceed. with some women all i can do is still screw something up and she’ll lose interest. my experience has been that it doesn’t take long for her to lose interest. you’ll get nothing from her at all if she has none.

my thing when it comes to women is that well you never know if any signals of interest is all in your head. look no further than becky. some of her behavior and what she told me about her “guy-friend” may just be signals that are all in my head.

and yes i am considering the comment made by the unfortunate virgin.

if she talks about her guy friend it may mean no interest. of course even then there is a context, is she serious with him? alas i may not have all the data to determine that. even worse there are those women who would play fast and loose with whether or not they’re with someone. this is something i would want to be careful with.

another thing i have experienced with women is that sometimes the signal i think i see may just be in my head. perhaps i think she wants me to make my move, then i make it and then she shuts down on me. she’s not interested and there’s little i can do to change that response.

then the other thing is if you take too long to make a move, it makes it easier for her to move on. in some cases she may just be pissed that you didn’t make your move on her. more or less how dare you not get in on this action.

man this romance/sex business is a difficult thing to manage. so many variables, personalities, or even thoughts. sometimes normal logic doesn’t even prevail. perhaps i’m not chasing the right ones…