Money

In a recent post over at the other blog I shared a video that illustrates some steps you can take to get into control of your finances. It’s something I’ve begun to take more seriously now. My deal has been saving, however, my goal is to take control of my student loans which is the massive amount of my debt.

I’ve told you over time of my dealings with the Hustler. He knows I have student loans, and don’t really recall telling him how much. He knows my mother isn’t in the best shape healthwise and lost her longtime job and the last time he still came around looking for a small sum of cash.

The worst part is the man is in his 50s and he still has to resort to begging. And the history he has of it for whatever excuses he has – which included buying a hot dog from concessions one time – just let’s me know this is a recurring pattern he knew who to chase down for his needs. He knew how to adapt so that he can pull his target in.

Meanwhile what were my considerations?

Well I had one real setback which was the Calamity of 2017/Reign of Error. That was a setback, I had saved more money from the time I was at The Show to my time at the Hole that surpassed the money I had back when I was 18-19-20 years old due to having survivors benefits from my dad. It was an accomplishment though just a small fraction of the debt I hold. My optimism, allowed me to think it’s possible to whether the difficulty of holding such a large debt.

I made my goal of making $20K a year perhaps about 5 or 6 years after leaving the theater where I made nothing more than $12K/yr. I used that to put more money away and certainly to put a dent in my debts. Then here comes the set back and it was necessary to put a dent into my savings. In this case it was more to eat, and yes certainly it was to pay some of those debts though at this point I had an income issue which was for a brief period of time none were coming in at all.

The real income issue is making more which is why my long-term goal is six figures. There was someone at work who said be more realistic and in their mind – not the hustler thankfully – they were miserable where they were and saw no opportunities there. However that is an ongoing financial goal that I do have it will enable me to finally finish my debt once and for all and do other things I would like to do.

However, I can’t do that if there are people coming around looking for a small cash infusion. I definitely can’t do it only working $20K/yr and yes there were some good opportunities to get ahead. Unfortunately those opportunities lead to the idea that I just needed to slow down. Yours truly was forced to slow down ad realize that it’s not yours truly’s job to take care of those who come around looking for something. Will there be anything left for yours truly if anyone comes around looking for a handout and expects any without question.

So on this Easter as it closes, that’s where I’m at now. That’s why it’s time to follow Ramsey’s seven baby steps. And my income, my financial resources belong to me and only me. I should be allowed to do with it as I please. There is no obligation to anyone else, and especially outside of any family relationships.

March 2015

At this point I was working at the Hole for just about 2 months. I didn’t know that soon I’ll be working “full-time” for the first time in life. The transition wasn’t too difficult, however, I was in a different environment than expected. Or was I?

What I was doing at a grocery store wasn’t terribly different than for example a theater concession stand. Just a bit more prep work and certainly a clearer idea of what’s expected. The products weren’t as limited as a cinema – you know popcorn, candy, hot dogs, etc. However, I had to get used to what I was doing and when I first started looking at a jobs with Fresh Foods my inclination was to be at the front end ringing up customer groceries.

Either way, I had to do another call with the state’s unemployment officials in March ’15 as Gotham Bank had filed an appeal after benefits were approved even if it was just for no more than three weeks – from the time I got let go from that branch in December ’14 to orientation at Fresh in January ’15. As it was termed I got benefits with an initial payout then after continuing to register weekly for regular payouts after that. It wasn’t much but for a brief time I had some income coming, and still no overhead. 😛

The initial process was easy and under the guidance of a friend – no not the Friend I never told him directly what happened with the bank. There were no direct documentation that I had to sign just a lot of verbal warnings and what not. I think the only main warning I got was not from anyone in mgmt or otherwise any standing but from co-worker. And I had to guess at the final act which I was never told directly. When Ed and Stan pulled me into the office Ed fired off a number of offenses which I could easily categorize as issues with attendance (specifically tardies) and performance as a teller. A list of things that allowed him to determine that he just didn’t like what he sees. Made sure to reference the probationary period for Gotham which was about 90 days, and I was just about halfway through that once things ran their course there.

So I guessed at what the final straw had been, I made sure to tell them what I had been told. Correctly I guessed one particular incident that happened that helped Ed make up his mind about my job there. I get a letter approving my benefits saying I was not at fault and the friend based on some of what I had been telling him determined that my training was an issue. Then again I will admit I was incompetent and uneasy in that role and as stated as time went on and didn’t get on well in my new role yours truly began to dread coming to work at that branch everyday…

For the record the hearing over the phone for the appeal had been cancelled I got a phone call for it the day it was supposed to happen. Actually in a fit of pretending to be my brother who hadn’t seen lived with us for over a decade I took a message that Gotham had rescinded their appeal. If the appeal from Gotham had gone through I’d have to repay that money and thankfully at that time it wasn’t necessary.

I had read up on the company and how they handled unemployment claims. It seemed they contested all unemployment claims and if they lost they will appeal. I had the unfortunately issue of being unable to find my schedule from the bank because in the initial phone call which was before my orientation for the Hole from what the agent told me over the phone there was some discrepancies as far as when that final act occurred. If I remembered the date the agent had told me correctly I wasn’t even at work that day and looked at a copy of my schedule from the bank still in my possession. If the appeal was rescinded I didn’t have to prove that.

However, one thing I could say for Ed one time he pulled me in the office and he got his dates wrong. While he was going to get me on something that given day, he was trying to mention something that we talked about on another day in the office and it was all wrong. I demonstrated that I do remember what we talked about everytime he wanted to talk $h!t to yours truly. Right or wrong Ed seemed to have some arrogance about him and this was not the first time nor the last time I encountered this from a manager. Problem is when they want to get you on something there isn’t much to say about it on my end and was still on the defensive in the long run….

Regardless smooth sailing in the new year at the new job. We started off with a decent crew in the beginning. A few we lost for a variety of reasons probably attendance related or otherwise just realized this wasn’t for them. However, I viewed my new job and company as yet another new beginning. Besides the hot shot job at the bank didn’t work out and that was supposed to be something of a new beginning from The Show.

Oh, yeah I like to talk about the big money years. Well 2015 was the start and it’s basically ongoing even with the hiccup that came later. Minimum wage in Illinois back in 2014 was still $8.25/hr. When I moved over to the bank I went up to about $3.25 more per hour than the hourly wage offered at The Show which was minimum wage. However starting off at Gotham the position was only 20 hrs a week and yes there were opportunities to add to your paycheck i.e. make referrals and never felt too comfortable doing that at the time. I think on Gotham’s version of a social network I saw there doing this for a year would get me, basically I wouldn’t make more money than I had made at The Show. Basically under my minimum goal of making $20K/year, my yearly income assuming no changes would still be roughly in the $10K/year range.

However at the Hole as time goes on that year, I get benefits mainly health insurance and dental. Also a raise after six months, and especially being lifted up into full-time status which means overtime and working up to 40 hrs a week I would ultimately reach that $20K/year goal in 2015. As far as benefits that would wait until a bit later I didn’t immediately get benefits or was unsophisticated about the company’s processes as far as enrolling in benefits once I became full-time. However, by the end of the year I’d get there.

After a couple of years of the streak era, I was going to achieve some of the minimum goals I had from roughly the start. A job with benefits and at a minimum make $20K/year.

Life’s too short

Initially when I wrote that post a few days ago about “crossroads” it was prompted by a two observations. Often I got to work early and often I take the train to work. One recent day going to work I ran into an older women I recognize on my commute.

She’s a woman who might be more more no less than 50 or perhaps even 60. She’s not unattractive, however, her face shows her age. Her hair is graying and often she might have her hair up in something of a bun, however, on this most recent day she had her hair down. Usually she’s wearing some type of uniform with a tie.

I’ve yet to determine what exactly she does for a job, however, I’ve guessed that she works in transportation especially for an airline. I nix that idea because she never gets off at any stop where she could go to either of Chicago’s two airports. However based on her uniform I just decided that she must do some type of security work.

So she’s on the train sometime after 6 AM as I am taking public transit to work. And this is one reason why I’m at a crossroads. Perhaps I have to decided whether this grind is worth it as I get older. Do I want to be going to work on public transit at a very early hour?

Although hey I figure as long as I’m in good health I would like to go as long as I can because if you don’t you might wither and who wants that. Perhaps for where I am in life I envisioned a lot more than what I have currently. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to be where yours truly is now, but I just know that it could be much better than this.

I suppose in my mind this lady should be retired by now, however, for reasons only she knows she still had to get out and go to work just about every day. This leads me to my next observation.

One day I was getting off the train from work and as I leave the train station I see this relatively tall woman walking bowlegged. She’s moving at an absolute crawl as if her feet or legs hurt. I want to get past but I’m so tired I can’t move fast enough to get past her. I see she sits down at a nearby bench.

I see yet another older woman who’s about 50 or 60 or so. She’s about to get on her phone I see her fat ankles or perhaps her ankles were swollen. She definitely had a security guard uniform on and she probably just got off work herself. I’m thinking that if she’s moving like that she needs to find another job where she can sit down for her shift.

Again it causes me to wonder what’s her story. I told my mother about it and she theorizes that a lot of people who are older and still trying to work made some decisions when they were younger. They made some “smart” decisions trying to avoid really having to work. Then they get old and they have no money to fall back on so at a later stage in their lives they’re forced to find something. I’m sure in their case the jobs they want don’t seem to want them so they get a job such as one in security.

I started going to work late in life. I got my degree and took a less than ideal job at a cinema. It was better to just get a regular income and luckily this was a job I held for a decent number of years until it was time to move on from it. However, it was a job I liked because I definitely liked going to the picture show. And I like working in a grocery store because while grocery shopping isn’t necessarily a memorable event there is an essential need behind it. People still need to buy meat, vegetables, and/or other staples for their kitchens.

I’d rather do both than do security to be honest, I’m glad that I picked my poison and deal with the often unpredictable public than take on such a lonely role as security. However the main thing I do want as I get older is to not find myself in the position where public transportation is my only option and that a lack of financial resources is the reason I take on a job I don’t like in the future.

One final recent observation. My mother and I went to a Sam’s Club recently and when I went to the bathroom I witnessed an elderly man perhaps he was 70 who seemed like he was composing himself. He was at work there and a coworker came to check on him. This old man was still work and probably isn’t in the best of health. Still had to work at his age

I’m working on not allowing that to become me.

Crossroads

Last year I talked about making changes and you never know if you don’t try. I talked about dwindling opportunities and such. This year I also talked about leaving your comfort zone.

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I’ve spent too much time sitting on my hands waiting for something. While waiting for something this year I got sent to a different department until my old department could get back to where it needs to be saleswise. I got the indication that this move was a very rough move and I’m not where it was expected for me to be! 

I’ve had more than a few days in this current reality where I was just sluggish and it shows to those who are paying attention. I try to remember that I have a job to do, but I recognize that my mind isn’t a good place. However, it isn’t as much about the situation at work as its life itself.

I worked hard and damn near got kicked out of school twice to pursue a prestigious college degree and have very little to show for it. It’s time that I do and it’s one reason why I started talking about YouTube earlier this year. The way I see it this is one way to actually use that fancy education.

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Either way, I recognize this is a tough spot to be in during a pandemic. There is some recovery but I have to realize the job market won’t just shift back to normal once we’re out of this thing. I’ll bet the job market will have changed permanently and that you better be able to market yourself very well in order to pursue more lucrative opportunities.

I’ve even thought about going the entrepreneurial route, and the next question is in what. So I think from this point forward I have some decisions to make. The hardest thing about this is to execute whatever plans you can make. My philosophy this year had also become just get started because life’s too short.

I’m beginning to realize this more and more these days. Life’s too short and perhaps I can no longer wait. If there’s something I want to do or need to do just get started and jump on it when the time comes. I just wish I had that mentality when I was 19

Savings revisited

The post that I wrote over a year ago with that title is a tad tongue in cheek with the added reasoning, that I saved some money at that point in time. This whole episode started off strange and took place during the time that the Hustler started working at The Show over nine years ago.

I probably could’ve revisited this odd episode last month but never got around to it, and note I went through a whole month without mentioning him. Either way it was strange to see a graying older man working with us in uniform at that point in time. Yes we need to work and get a job where we could find one, however, how did things kick off in the long run he found out about me and I let him in.

Allow me to state admittedly the video is a representation of the “let me in” phrase. More than it’s meant to represent the Hustler. What I will admit though is that in my post at the end of last year about his last attempt at contact I had referred to him as a fiend as opposed to being a friend. Moving on…

I told him about some minor aspirations I had while we were talking, he seemed strangely curious about me in the beginning. He wanted to know why I never got promoted there, well to start aside from trying to be a “crew leader” the year before evidently they weren’t hiring for that at all. I also learned at various points during that year after his arrival that he was under consideration for a supervisor role, more on that later.

Anyway my tactical error in the beginning was I gave him a ride home in my mother’s vehicle. For whatever reason it gave him license to ask a number of very rude and personal questions such as “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” He knew I got a degree from a liberal arts college and indicated that I was interested in teaching and remember I just met him “NO! You can’t handle it!” Those were two moments that I could’ve kicked him right out of the car and left him on the expressway to figure out for himself how to get home, but I didn’t I went to his house on the east side of the city.

As I got closer to his part of the city I remember that he complained on the way about all those shuttle buses along the way. There was a concert taking place at an abandoned property the city hoped to redevelop and those buses were there to take care of those people. He had nothing positive to say about that at all. I dropped him off and just remember yours truly had to work with him.

At some point we exchanged facebook friend requests and phone numbers because I didn’t mind being a good coworker. I might need something and as it turned out he needed something. He did call me one evening before coming into work and he was already going to call in a favor, he wanted to borrow some money.

This is where I send you to the Savings post to see the story itself. I just wanted to give some background on the situation. Now I want to give you a conclusion of what happened in the weeks afterwards.

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Well, I didn’t work too hard at reconnecting with him. However, I was never forceful as far as telling him to buzz off, he kept finding reasons to come around. One day on the floor he walked right up to me as I was on my cell phone at that moment, I look up and he asked with some emotion “Why don’t you speak to me?” Translation, you owe me your time and I demand it. He reminds me that I have his phone number and facebook to be in touch.

For the most part I avoided him after that and one night he just walked up to me and asked for a ride home. I gave him a ride home, again had no real wish to say no. The fact that I left him at the theater after asking for some money should’ve gave him the answer he needed but we’re talking about Planet Hustle. That was when I told him I shouldn’t be driving anyone home in my mother’s car per her instruction he seemingly understood, but was later able to get that privilege back. There was a period of time where I limited my interactions with him but if that paternal instinct kicks in he’ll come around.

As stated the red flags were flying and in light of the changing situation at the job during that particular summer I ignored them. He served his purpose during that time, but found myself wondering if he might have indirectly caused some things. He’s not particularly loyal unless he’s getting what he needs and even then he’s still not loyal. Should’ve learned Jack V…well it took some intervening issues years later for me to realize this.

What helped to turn the situation around for the next year was his plug to be a theater manager at a neighborhood cinema. I put my eggs all in one basket for that one and didn’t get it – the start of the streak era. One night we were working and we were discussing future opportunities with this local theater and out of nowhere he states “I just don’t get you

At that moment I look back confused and he stated “Sorry for changing the subject, but you keep pushing me away”. I would say this was the moment the distance began to change. He didn’t want any distance and largely we got closer.

Between summer of 2011 and roughly into the fall of 2017 with him around were some odd years. I’m still learning to beware of who I allow in my space and what information to share. And thankfully this has been one year where as far as contact it’s been largely quiet from him.

Oh wait, forgot to explain. I heard various things about Anthony becoming a supervisor at the Show especially from Henry’s crew. Who knows how far that could’ve went but I’ve heard more on that from Ant himself since we both left the Show. He attributed never getting close to that role as they couldn’t control him. He also let out that he wanted a certain wage in order to take on that role. Remember he likes to negotiate and insure that others know to negotiate as well. Evidently the bosses at the theater said never mind.

Either way I had to explain what I wrote earlier in this post without having to later write another post about the Hustler.

Current situation

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Pandemic grocery shopping

You know I never did a proper second anniversary at Fresh Foods post – well reboot anniversary. The problem is it got mired in this whole pandemic business where in this part of the world we’re slowly but surely returning to normal. Even if we still got to maintain social distancing and all that. We’re not all the way there, but we’re on course.

Also as I write this the pandemic seems to have disappeared from the headlines for a moment as cities – including Chicago – seems to be under some major unrest. I could state that people being forced to sit at home for almost three months have caused people to become very restless. All it took was an unfortunate incident involving a police officer showing his blatant disregard for a man’s life. Unfortunately people are fired up enough to cause violence and looting!

Meanwhile, since most of our mgmt in my dept are self-isolating we’ve had mgmt from another store come over. Well the other store is the Hole and some of the support we got including one of the assistant mgrs – although talked about but not seen so far that will include Rayna. Anyway the other assistant mgr was the one who got promoted from porter to supervisor to mgmt. The other was a supervisor who tried to help in the process of getting back at the Hole, and that didn’t quite work out so well.

And even on one day ran into Larry who was helping out our department. I was hoping to work with Larry at the Hole but for now it has to be a few shifts. With at least the assistant mgr and the supervisor I expressed interest in the now vacant roles of associate buyer and receiver. The people who held those roles have moved on within the company itself though unfortunately there was a reason why both haven’t been posted and won’t likely be posted for a bit of time.

I’m told the buyer they do have basically has nothing to do since their dept isn’t doing much as far as sales. We’re not exactly in normal times unfortunately and it could be a minute before that changes. What this means is my old dept isn’t ordering and receiving product that they normally would.

Regardless I still consider it a possibility to pursue when that time comes and as always stated it will be more likely that yours truly will return to the Hole – even if it’s a situation with very little familiarity – than returning to The Show. At this point the waiting game will continue although when seeing Larry this should’ve been a topic to broach. While he has to listen to his bosses, he’s the one who’ll make the job requisition.

As for continuing to write about the events leading up to the climax of the “reign of error” I’ve hit a bit of writer’s block. I felt as if I’ve written most of the accounting I could of the era before /goofball’s ascension to dept mgr. So there will be some more installments I’m just trying to determine the direction and chances are I will repeat myself. The goal remains to just stay on the timeline as far as what happened until I left.

Also, for my anniversary at my current assignment I felt as if it was important to talk a little about that. What happened and who said what. Yet another situation of repetition, however, it’s as important to note also. I do guarantee that we will get there in due course.

New Year 2010

My first job the year before out of Mission College was at a college bookstore which had been one of the longest tenure jobs up to that point that I had. It’s what I mostly knew as a worker still trying to establish himself. It felt like a disaster.

The store manager that hired me briefed us newbies on how the customers at a local community college had a sense of entitlement as the government gave them the money for books. However they treat government aid as if it’s their money and as if they’re paying customers. I’ve always known students to be very dutiful as far as getting their books and as always they could be the worst customers. I should understand I had been one and it’s rarely good if you don’t have your materials for class.

There is a twist though my experience at college bookstores is usually during back to school rush. This time around I was responsible for textbook buy back and this could be a pain in the butt that the manager pulled me aside for. Either way I was getting paid while I waited for The Show to give me a call back with regards to my interview in October. Basically I met with them during a job fair for that company at a local college campus which I saw a lot of people there that I will be working with. I’m including both mgmt and regular workers.

I did new hire paperwork after I did my shift at the bookstore one night at another theater that company owned. As I recall later when doing new hire paperwork for the national theater chain years ago it was a nightmare. The man I would later know as our House Manager just handed me a phone with someone on the other end of the line asking me questions for that company’s tax purposes things I would usually skip over on a job application. I did the best possible, however, HM became a jack@$$ for some of his behavior that night. In a strange fit of reading people I know this was one man I needed to watch out for.

It seemed that company was a tad disorganized as far as orientation, new hire paperwork, or even training (though I have the least complaints about training). I hated having to go into an unfamiliar part of town at night by bus & train during the fall/winter. It was a while before I would actually get to see the facility I actually would be working in. When I did training at The Show itself one person actually quit on the spot already grumbling that there were other opportunities she needed to pursue and the theater job wasn’t it.

For the record the only training I missed out on was concession. For most of my roughly five years there I basically learned it as I went. Yours truly didn’t do such a bad job learning concession and had some wonderful people helping me out along the way. Of course as I learned as time went on there will be those who provided the headaches.

All the same the end of my time at the bookstore came when I got my actual work schedule for the theater and it overlapped the time I would’ve been at the store. It wast that time though I indicated that I could still work. The manager thanked me for the help and kind of demurred when suggesting that it would be OK if they needed me in the future. So while I showed up somewhat late for my shift it was actually my last day there forever.

Time for the excitement of working the job I should’ve had either during my high school years or even in college. The first night I worked was a sneak preview as it was invite only and set up for a party. There were screenings for older movies throughout the theater and it all lead up to midnight showings of movies to be released such as Avatar.

I even manned box office for a bit and was sort of uncomfortable and management sent me to the VIP balcony to help. Remained for the rest of the night until it was time for me to punch out.

Struggled somewhat behind concessions on Christmas Eve and incurred the wrath of the immature young women who thought they knew everything. Little did I know different iterations of such characters would continue to be a thorn in my side. All the same I did alright and if anyone though I’d be short on a register fear not it didn’t happen.

I had to work New Years Eve and missed the countdown that I like to catch with Dick Clark’s Rockin New Years’ Eve. Thankfully it wasn’t long after that when I could go home. Even wished one of the managers a happy new years on the way out the door.

Interesting first few weeks on my new job and so many lessons learned over the years. Those lessons had to be mostly social as far as how to conduct myself at work. What I needed to learn at The Show – a place I grew to refer to as $H!tplace – is what informs me on how to conduct myself on the job. Believe it or not I’m still learning however I’m light years away from where I was at the start of the last decade. Believe it or not as much as I would say I could live without this experience perhaps it was necessary. Is it possible to blow a good situation if I just didn’t know how to conduct myself?

Still, working at a theater even with a college degree from a prestigious liberal arts degree was only the beginning and definitely not the end. It still enabled me to truly pursue other future opportunities, better opportunities in the long run.

 

Manifestation

A recurring theme it seems to talk about letting things go only to further talk about it some more. Some of the events at work and talking about this with my mother regarding what happened almost two years ago has me re-evaluating the events that were the “Reign of Error“.

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My mother who has experience in corporate environments hears a story of a change agent who’s time as a dept manager was expected to be brief. That’s how she might describe /goofball without being in the situation herself. She might be on the right track he definitely became a change agent, on the other hand with most of the folks that I worked with at the Hole mostly agree they knew it wouldn’t last long. They also mostly agree he just didn’t know what he was doing.

Another thing I had gotten stuck on is either his “strange campaign” against me was personal (i.e removing me from buy/receive under strange reasoning) or I might view my firing differently if I had a different mgr or even a different relationship with Rog. Well I have no reals answer as far as that to be honest, however, all I can say was as much as I may consider what happened bull$h!t it was legit unfortunately. It just had to be him who made the call and his bosses backed him.

Some colleagues at my current assignment suggested it was time to let that go. Because of recent events at work with Peg it had also caused me to re-evaluate some things. For what happened with Peg the thought turned to what happened with her. That was the more pressing thing of that moment especially the events before or after her hiring. I could compare her attitude even if it was an extreme to that of /goofball.

One of my colleagues even suggested that whatever happened back then I could just say “F#¢k them”. The way I see it now, if I did have that attitude I may never have returned to the company. I wanted to return and while my message even now has often been a job is nothing more than a means to an end I felt that returning allowed me to finish what I started. Mainly I hadn’t finished growing although who does finish growing. I had some goals in mind that were there once I got going at Fresh Foods so I wanted to “right my wrong” and just not allow that momentary setback to deter me.

Remember these days at work I make in wages a tad more than I had when I left in ’17. Also I own a share of stock in the conglomerate that owns Fresh. I’d say I consider these years at the grocery store to be essentially my big money years. These had been better years than what I had spent at The Show. No one can ever take that away from me and thankfully I have a good wad of cash stashed away.

I had allowed that to sidetrack me. I suffered a momentary setback and it caught me off guard. He may have wanted to sink me, however, the case was made by yours truly – yeah Jack don’t be late. Through testimonies from a variety of people I see that Rog definitely did have a really odious personality.

Since I was told by someone who had the misfortune of working with him even briefly before he got promoted to a dept manager his info is as simple as he had a massive ego. He also was inadequate at what he was doing and still projected this image of being a know it all. He wanted everyone to think he had it all figured out until it turns out he had very little clue about the job. I still feel as if at some point in his six months as a dept mgr he got exposed.

Another thought had occurred to be once I returned to the company last year. What if I eventually got /goofball’s old job? What if he remained at the company and somehow I was over him in a reversal of fortunes?

With this said I had wished for my own version of that moment when in Batman Begins Lucious Fox is starting a board meeting effectively letting the jilted Wayne Enterprises CEO that he was unceremoniously dismissed. I probably won’t get that moment and even then I recognize that when I do finally reach the dept mgmt level the last thing he would even be thinking about is yours truly. He might yawn at the idea of my own ascension to a role he seemed to have been forced to step down from.

That’s the image I need to have in my mind at this point. Perhaps I need to forget about the idea that if he does even think about yours truly that he’d be upset if I take on the role where he essentially failed. The ultimate revenge would be to get that level and even more sweet actually succeeding. However, I realize that it’s possible that I could also fail in spite of that potential motivation.

The bottom line as far as moving up at Fresh Foods and thinking about that period is I only can do this for me. It benefits me, I could be consumed by whatever wrong that could think had been done to yours truly. However at the end of the day, I still have to prove to myself that I can ultimately move beyond the types of roles that I had been hired for. And of course that includes mgmt positions at Fresh Foods.

I suppose that’s the manifestation that must happen. The manifestation must be that I can handle new roles whatever they may be that comes may way. I have to motivate myself but not at anyone else’s expense to do better for myself…

Alas I got a few more posts on this as we’re approaching the two year anniversary already. I don’t believe I teased a while back that my last days at the Hole and what led up to that could be a future post I still want to let time elapse on that. However, I have a few more stories to tell about that if I’m in the mood.

Dream

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I’ve been talking about promotions, making six-figures, and jobs I’m interested in perhaps yours truly has lost sight of what’s his dream. Since graduating from Mission College years ago, I’m still trying to figure out my dream. The opportunities to realize my dream will begin to dwindle.

I remember the year before I graduatedp my uncle stopped me near the end of yet another family reunion and he asked me point blank “What is taking you so long?” Of course this is the moment where he’s giving me some tough love although he made a few mistakes in doing so going after rather irrelevant observations. He was ready to dismiss what I’m currently trying to do at that point because in his words “you’re losing”.

It was taking me a minute to finish college and I will admit my share of mistakes during that time and even lost focus a few times but I was regaining focus to move on. His toughness, when I think about it now didn’t really add anything. After his pledge to “stay on my @$$” I never really heard from him again  – even after getting my direct cell phone number – aside from an e-mail of congrats stating “You’re going to need us pretty soon”. Suggesting I need the family’s charity which I never asked for to be honest.

Aside from that the reason I chose my major at Mission was because I had a dream career in mind. The problem is that well I had no real idea how to achieve it. I never really approached my professors about potential opportunities which was a huge mistake now. I never really approached the career counselors at least for liberal arts majors. I tried to do just about everything on my own, and had a hard time because where does one start when they do it on their own. For me, it was truly a daunting task however the reason I was at Mission College was for the prestige nothing should be daunting for a future “Mission Man”.

Regardless what’s my dream right now? Well when I finally graduated I was depressed by one thing, I had very little work history meaning not much experience with flipping burgers or frying chicken (and I had no desire to). Yeah I got a few shifts in at different periods working at college bookstores or even took part in a research project as part of my major at Mission. Otherwise all I knew to do was just stuff you expect college students do to studying for tests, do research papers, etc.

Once it was time to get out there and find a job all I had was a very prestigious and expensive piece of paper a liberal arts degree. And that piece of paper I had to learn carried no guarantees of gainful employment. I had to prove myself before getting the job and had nothing to present. I was woefully unprepared…

I may have expressed frustration over my time at The Show it was OK that worked there for close to five years. It’s also OK that I have my current job at Fresh Foods, perhaps both are “beneath me” at the same time I’ve finally learned something valuable. One lead to the other and hopefully will allow me to eventually find my dream job. All I can to is continue learning as I go, but I need not wing it as I had college.

Since starting my working life one goal that I had was to for lack of a better term “run something”. I wanted to be a manager at The Show, however, it never happened for me and I suspect I made a few key mistakes with them there. Perhaps nothing I did would allow it to happen for me during that period. I’m glad that based upon how I would’ve gotten compensated and the mgmt team up there that it never happened. I still have a what if in my mind about being a theater manager, but for me to do that it was time to seek out other opportunities. I just wasn’t going to adequately grow there.

Perhaps I can truly grow at a grocery store. Move up in the ranks (I did interview to become an associate buyer earlier this year) and perhaps even go corporate since I do have a college degree :P. However who says I got to make my career in either movie theaters/entertainment or grocery/retail?

Perhaps eventually my long term dream job is to work for myself. Scariest part with this is, how does yours truly finally achieve that dream? What ways can I truly make an impact in the world as a Mission alum is expected to make one? All I have to do is make a move no matter where I am now.

 

Shelved…

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It’s time to lay off of “Ruthless Roger” /goofball again. My only plan with a series of reblogs about the “Reign of Error” was to just mark this period last year when I learned that Rog was no longer in charge of my former dept at “The Hole”.

I would’ve reblogged some episodes about a timeline, how we went wrong with our relationship, and then eventually what led to my eventual rehire at “Fresh Foods”. As I sometimes remember it’s tedious to simply continue to talk about what happened in the past and there’s really nothing more to add.

Rog /goofball of course not only left my former dept but went to another store in a lesser position at a suburban location (which meant lower pay). Now that I’ve returned to the company things have been humming along and am very excited to seek out new opportunities. All this as long as I don’t develop issues with tardiness which that guy honed in on.

Perhaps we’ll still mark some seminal events of the “Reign of Error” and even my eventual return to the company. This will always be such an odd period and likely won’t be the last for yours truly. At the same time it will continue to be something I will learn from and my goal is to not allow myself to get that close to the brink again.

In addition to that the motto remains at least for those new future opportunities that “I’ll never know if I don’t try“. Hopefully future posts will be more about that than any past events. And think about even if I talk about “The Show” I might relate that to how I want to pursue and accept future opportunities.