Pondering…

man and woman eating ice creams

At the new job there had been women I have been paying attention to. In my case, it just means I could be looking at them with longing. I like looking at attractive women and imagining how I could shoot my shot with them. Of course the possibility is still they may look at me and discern some details and decide “there is no there, there”.

As with my former job at “The Hole” the new store has folks in the neighboring dept who are attactive kind of like Mary if you remember her. Of course for the most part no one with those “crazy vibes” however some of the women who work in that dept has my attention and they may even somewhat know me.

The cutest one who has my attention we’ll call here Charlene over the summer likes to come in an pair of Birkenstocks and then change over to her work shoes. She very shapely and one thing about her makes me somewhat unsure, she has a piercing on her face. Not a disqualification, but it might give me pause. Regardless she’s a beautiful woman and hell yes I’d like her hanging off my arm.

One of her coworkers I could describe as Irish, we’ll call her Gabby who is generally a curvaceous woman. She would refer to herself as a “fatass”, however, I don’t view her that way. She just has some junk in the trunk and she seems to carry it well. Also very nice, but not as attractive as Charlene. Still I could imagine myself dating her.

Another one still was often in the background and the first to go by the time the rest of the store gets going in the morning. I never really talked to her she seemed very introverted and if my gaze meets her I often don’t get friendly vibes. She eventually left the store to go to another “Fresh Foods” store so at this point I’ll never know if I could “shoot my shot”. To describe her physically she seems like a tomboy she wasn’t like Charlene or Gabby as far as attractiveness. Somehow she caught my eye and then I though what if I tried it with her.

In my dept, there aren’t many young women I could try anything with. We acquired some college aged associates over the summer and one of them I worked with at “The Hole” two summers ago. Let’s call this young woman Val, and two summers ago her schedule seemed inconsistent as it seemed one week she was off the schedule the next week she was back. It’s like she quit for a moment and then turned around and she’s back on the schedule. I didn’t get it, but then again at the time she was seasonal so unless she wanted to stay there was a possibility that once August or September rolled around she’d be out!

Anyway this summer she seemed to have some very late days. When the night shift normally starts at about 3 PM she might start at 5 PM. And on weekends she might be able to come in at 11 AM. Either way Val remembered me from “The Hole” and in talking I found out that when she giggles she “snorked”, if there was an attraction that took it away real quick. Otherwise I would say she was very young, tall with curves in the right places. Though with youth had the tendency to be volatile with other young coworkers. I found out later she quit out of the blue after almost three months, however, she came into our store letting us know belatedly that she had just left an interview. What can I say she’s young, she just quit a job and then started interviewing…

One more and she’s probably closer to me in age than most of the ones I talked about here so far (I’m guessing she’s in her 30s to possibly early 40s). She doesn’t really speak to me, and like with that other background girl it’s something I’d probably have to initiate. She works in another dept of the store she’s nicely shaped bodywise (hopefully this means she works out). She has these nice grey eyes, and her eyes suggest excitability when they bug out. Those are the types I would stay away from as I could somehow sense they could be into drama, but somehow I want to know what’s going on there.

Of course there are others and most of them are young – yeah I want a young one, however, that’s a hard task the older I get. Most of them work the front end and since they’re young I’m not as sure of them. Then again this is probably the time to pursue them before they can quickly damn a man for being worthless. However once I go through the young women in the front end, this post would get much longer than necessary.

So what have I learned? This is somewhat related and something that I have always figured. I seemed to have issues with connecting with women I like (or better yet attraction). There are some women I’ve become friendly with and unfortunately the attraction from me isn’t there. However there have been a precious few that there could be attraction. What’s vexing to me has been if I can somewhat make friends with women it’s easier if there is little to no attraction. And I’ve yet to find a woman whom I could be friends and felt that attraction.

Remember “Hugs” from a few years ago? She’s one example and  what stopped yours truly from taking his shot  was knowledge that she has a boyfriend to whom she’s now married. What I like about her was that she was the nicest and sweetest woman I knew at that point. I would like to find women like her, the question is if I shoot my shot would my relationship with her work. Is there a way yours truly could screw it up to the point where she isn’t so sweet to me? I suppose there is always the possibility with any woman with whom I could cross that line!

Either way, I still feel as if the best way to meet that significant other is outside of work. It seems like playing with fire to express interest in a woman whom you work with even if she’s not directly in your dept. It’s better if you leave or she leaves the job and then its worth shooting your shot. Hmmm, there are definitely some shots I’d have taken with some of the women whom I no longer work with, especially if they aren’t attached.

On the other hand, after reading a post about online dating (which I’ve never enjoyed) I began to realize how it’s better to do it organically. Online dating or dating apps are not the end-all be-all when it comes to dating. I really got to figure out how to connect with women in the real world. Problem is, I have yet to come up with a strategy for that, and it’s definitely time to do so.

Interest

man wearing sunglasses reading book on body of water

Today’s post, I thought about this time back during my senior year of high school. I had a young woman in class named Mo who saw that I was reading and expressed interest in a book I was reading.

Mo: Hey! Jack! What book are you reading?

Yours truly: *gets distracted*

– Seconds later –

Mo: Jack! What book are you reading?

YT: *gets distracted*

Oh yes, how did I get distracted. Well easy answer aside from the commotion of high school students is that I had already decided once she got her answer the eyes were going to glaze over and she wouldn’t know or have any interest in the book I was reading. Yeah I saw this coming Mo was our class valedictorian, but from my perspective at our high school it means almost beans. With her as the no. 1 student in my senior class I didn’t view her as particularly smart. If there was anything about her she probably knew what to do to get the grades she came to class did the work and probably was more incurious about the world than I was.

I believe she planned to become an attorney, and unfortunately since we are connected on fb – with no real interactions between us honestly – she fell far short. Not to talk about her negatively, but she did what you might expect someone to do years after they graduate from high school. She got into relationships and if not got married she had children. She probably went to college and dropped out. I found some listings of her at “Hillman College” some time before I arrived on the scene nearby at “Mission College”. So I missed her by no less than two years and again she dropped out although she did attend my community college which, she probably didn’t finish there either.

I suppose if I got into her business – needlessly might I add – her situation may not be that much different from my own at a young age. Had the ambition but no idea how to get there. And perhaps for her more so than me, lacked the drive or even the will to get where she wants to go. I have no idea if she ever finished college, but I would expect that at 18 it was her goal and it seems she never quite got there. Then again I have no idea so anyway let’s round that long ago inquiry up…

Mo: Jack! What book are you reading?

YT: Primary Colors

Mo: *eyes glazes over* ok

I’m sure in her mind if she thinks of primary colors – hopefully she paid attention during art class – it’s probably blue, red, or yellow. What she may have failed to find out that the book I had been reading was based on the 1992 Democratic primaries. It’s ripe with political intrigue and infidelities like the real life personalities the book was based on. Too bad she chose not to follow-up since it seemed she was just determined to get an answer to an inquiry she really had no real interest in. Almost reminds me of some of the young women I met at “The Show”, say like a Candice the behavior could indicate a need for attention and once they get it they’re good. And if they didn’t well there’s a problem.

Chances are – as I could honestly go on and on about a subject that interests me – if I explained the premise of the book she still wouldn’t be that interested. I suppose for a lot of the people I went to school with years ago, what interests me may not interest them. Perhaps if I had interest in science fiction like Star Wars it would be a small amount who went to high school with me that would have the interest. Science fiction is for nerds when we need to get with the cool pop culture of the late 1990s from gangster rap to gangster movies to well you name it. Whatever the so-called cool crowd was into.

And to break it down further how many young women I would’ve met back in high school shared some of my interests. It would be hard to find one into Star Wars – or resort to calling me a geek because she had no interest in it. It would be hard still that I could find one who was into pro-wrestling or even computers – not that I would expect any woman who’d have the interest in computers I did at the time. Most young women probably knew that the young men were into sports and many if they wanted a boyfriend had to resign themselves to that reality. I just suspect that many of them would be generally dismissive if a man had some outside interests or hobbies other than them.

I’m probably speaking to the choir on this, but in analyzing some of the women I had worked with over the years – especially the rambunctious young teenaged and twenty-something women at “The Show – I realize they have no idea about relationships with men. Most of this is owed to age – and conversely men have not a lot of ideas about relationships with women other than the sexual. And again if you want more than just sex then you want a relationship and you have to learn to keep someone around to make it work.

Of course if you choose to bicker with or dismiss the interests of your partner for no good reason then what do you expect when they decide to leave. It’s something even with my lack of experience in relationship that I struggle with. I want a woman who’d have some interest in what I’m into and hopefully I can reciprocate that. What I would find absolutely ugly is a woman who seems to have contempt for what I’m interested in. My philosophy if you want to be with someone it definitely helps if you’re willing to share their interests.

The one-off foe is back

IMG_0998In continuing to wrap up the storyline about my time at “the show” I’m going to revisit that one-off foe – Missy. Then we may explore one more time what happened with her good buddy Candace who decided that “I need a friend” during her time trying to talk to

For a good number of years Missy had left me with some unease. Missy was a young woman of no more than 19-20 and was aggressive. It would be attributed to her age more than anything however it may just be her natural inclination.

Evidence of her aggression was that she was very take charge and didn’t like pushback. My gut tells me that she wanted to be a manager and someone on mgmt level put that idea in her head. With this in mind she got herself involved in situations that actually required the presence of a manager. Not only that there were situations where I pushed back and she didn’t handle this very well. She would get pissed though remember that she could also run to a manager expect them to handle me not that she was a problem herself. Only thing is the more she engaged in that behavior the more I’d just withdraw from her.

With this in mind one situation that I’ve only heard about from one of the supervisors at the theater involved a call from one of the auditoriums at work. An associate called for a manager to their auditorium and Missy was the one who responded to the call. T about being very take charge and certainly a case of well this is the position she wanted. She was very willing to act the part even if she never got promoted before she quit.

Now this leads me to one reason  why I thought she started power tripping especially when I used my sarcasm to push back against her. Rumors had been going around not long before or after she had left that allegedly she was having an affair with the house manager. I suppose that when you’re in such a situation some things are said that may or may not happen in this case “I’m going to make you a supervisor”.

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Anyway when Henry left the theater – close to three years after Missy left – he decided to repeat this rumor with me and a newer coworker on a trash run. He was generally talking about the many dramas at “the show” of which Missy was one.

Henry: *to me* you remember “Missy” when she had that affair with [house manager]

Yours truly: *to Henry* Oh that BITCH….oh I’m sorry….I can’t, can’t stand that girl

Henry: The thing is she really was a bitch because she ran to [house manager] for every little issue

Yours truly: *to Henry* It was going around at the time that she was trying to make manager

Henry: Yeah!

Missy was pretty infamous in my mind and is the single most ugliest woman personality wise I have ever met. And with this in mind this was a slow burn. the best part of this story is that if she was seeking something in trying very hard at various points to make me look bad, she largely failed. She may have succeeded in making me look bad but she really got nothing out of it.

One time I pushed back after she tried to tell me that I need to reuse a popcorn bag because they count them. It’s her being take change and I didn’t like that. She didn’t like the fact that I got “smart” with her. And later she told a manager about my behavior. I responded to her take charge behavior, however, she wasn’t wrong that I gave the customer a bag that wasn’t warm. My mistake.

Another time I was returning from a 30 min break and Missy standing outside of the box office area was keen on telling me that I needed to hurry up and clock back in. I was on my phone just as i was about to clock back in, besides there was a reason I surfaced to return to work so I simply brushed by her without a word. Basically she placed her arm across the door letting me know “don’t ignore me”. I was like oh OK uninterested in a confrontation that she wanted to initiate. Later I yelled at her for trying to tell me if I mark a bill I didn’t have to find a manager. Even though my point that could be better stated was that I still needed a manager to check large bills whether or not the bill was marked by me with a marker.

The last and worst confrontation happened later that summer and it was based on an over-reaction. But I really wasn’t feeling her need to be take charge on that given day. I didn’t report her for the aggressive and obnoxious behavior she displayed towards me when a movie let out. It all started when she tried to tell me to collect 3D glasses – and only after everyone else assumed I was supposed to be doing it and the thing is while I did it for those movies I was cleaning no manager told me to collect all 3D glasses. I just walked off on her and she immediately found the nearest manager.

She kept trying to confront me and I wouldn’t speak to her. One of the supervisors starting getting concerned because Missy – told one of them. She even threatened me by stating “I better not see you on roosevelt road!” while outside of an auditorium letting out with customers. Even after that and as I walked off on her and she was looking for things to criticize me – plus she was HOT  The next thing she did was find the nearest manager and say something else and she made sure to watch mgmt pull me into the office.

I wasn’t sure I was in trouble when they did. H.M. and another senior manager wanted to know if I was OK and what was going on. We established that I wasn’t really caring for one of the workers who decided to really target me because I wasn’t going to talk to her on that day. And they were following me around after that until I got off later. Missy had left the building after I paid a visit to the office.

Another time after that Missy had came to the theater to watch a movie and upon seeing me walking back to box decided to speak.

Missy: Hey Jack!

Yours truly: *stops for a second and then keeps walking to register*

Missy: So you’re not going to speak to me Jack….OK it’s cool! *she then proceeds to talk about some earlier incident involving me at that moment to another coworker*

To which, there were nothing but serious tactical errors on my part with her. One major error she attempted to blow up at work was that I poked her on FB and she friend requested me. Man she kept talking about it at work and didn’t mind saying “don’t act like you don’t poke me on fb”. For the most part I never really went there with her although I have told some people I did this without really knowing who it was. This was just another dumb drama she wanted to start and I gave that one to her on a silver platter. Although it more or less upset her when I really did nothing with this.

In fact there was one other incident where she got mad because she was talking to me and I kept walking. We both were doing our rounds one evening when she apparently heard from mischievous coworkers that I didn’t care for her. She tried to say I was funny and tried to engage me, I just went inside a theater to give it a quick check and she comes in after me to confront me. Starting with “didn’t you hear me talking to you” before softening up and quietly leaving.

I interacted with her less in spite of her taking shots at me – for example “This is Jack, he won’t acknowledge me in anyway….see” as I walk away from her with no word as she speaks to a new employee. She often says something about my smart mouth although it stopped after her threats and expression of anger that at this point I had nothing more that needed to be said to her. Eventually she just shut down, no words at all would cross paths between us again. Just as I stopped communicating with her she eventually stopped trying to communicated with me. Nothing she was saying whether aggressively or softly caused me to respond because I knew if I said  or did the right thing she’d get triggered.

Twice I was face-to-face with her at “the show” before Ifinally left. Once I took care of her as a customer in box I didn’t really speak to her though I more addressed the two friends she had with her. And she didn’t say much to me either almost as if i wasn’t there, but this was better than her being nasty & angry towards me. The last time was shortly before I left in 2014, she was leaving her movie with a group around her she looked at me and then re-fixed her gaze passed me. I backed up not because of her but certainly because there was a crowd leaving the movie at that time.

Remember I said she friended me right, eventually a few years later I’d drop her from fb. She stopped talking about the poking at least where I could hear her. And she never got promoted and the rumors about her alleged affair killed that possibility. Also rumor had it she handed in her two weeks without actually landing a job although someone mentioned that she moved onto a bank.

I have to mention this the one time I took care of her as a customer she made sure to talk to someone she did get along with. First person she asked about, the house manager, almost as if she still had some business with him. I wonder if she was up there looking for him and he was ducking her. Which is funny because someone like her who is angry and aggressive is what he chases, he has more patience with that apparently than I ever would.

relating

i’m only sharing this article with this quote:

One of the biggest turn-offs for men is disrespect from their spouse and yelling is a form of disrespect when done inappropriately as this woman was doing. At least this women recognizes that she had a problem. There are many wives who do not and they yell and act disrespectful of men and then wonder why men avoid them. That doesn’t sound very empathetic to me.

a common these with young women at “the show” had been odd conflicts with young women i had great issues getting along with. many had wanted to find something to complain about displaying in some respects there need to be take charge or more accurately their need to distract. most of this may well be their inability to truly read me or perhaps a need to seek out male attention though utilizing mainly negative means.

let’s take me out of the equation, some guys know how to handle this and got the young women or girls interested in them. some were young a precious few were much older. it could indicate that some of these young people have a horrible time relating to men. same as who helen smith above is referring to.

a wife or girlfriend may yell at her husband or boyfriend because she knows no other way of relating to them other than as boys to be raised. perhaps some young women use that same approach with men whether in their lives, at school or at work. treating them like sh*t will get them to pay attention to me!

except it may cause the opposite. perhaps you get resentment and perhaps a man who’s attention you seek will only stay as far away from you as possible. though with immaturity it’s possible one can’t understand the problem is actually within not the other person.

at the same time, i recognize that my problem is just as easily i had a rough time relating to the young women. if i’m a thirty-something working with teenaged girls or early twenty-something women it could become a gap that is insurmountable. of course the reasons for this is actually varied though not something to get into right now.

the 6th grade

sixth grade chalkboard

the sixth grade was a weird time for me. actually weird doesn’t really describe this period. i felt as if my classmates hated me and my parents hated me although i realize they had a lot of issues of their own. they used the pretense of school to not be very happy with me.

what i realize today is that i wasn’t happy back then thanks to a variety of issues. i was never a good student back then but for that time it was still a convenient target for my parents. my teachers back then had a job to do and they chose to do it. needless to say things weren’t looking up for me back then.

about my classmates, i realize we were all kids back then with our various psychologies and knew nothing more. to illustrate this point i want to talk about a crush named regina. she was one of my more intense crushes back then.

regina was a pretty girl with a nice pair of calves i often noticed because she wore skirts with either regular socks that left her calves bare or a pair of stockings. if i knew nothing else about her i liked her legs.

Calf-Muscles

unfortunately as time went on back then i realized she came off as if she didn’t like me. she made it clear what she thought of me and it was often unflattering. in fact she only communicated this the way a girl of about 11 or 12 would. girls of a certain age can be quite cruel and it’s mostly words that hurt more than any physical action. a lot of this i can attribute to immaturity more than anything.

one time she said something i didn’t like during recess and i went off on her. she didn’t miss a beat and my male classmates of the time were enjoying the show. what i can recognize now is that she either may not have been the one for me at the time. or i just plain had no idea how to turn this situation around.

indeed, perhaps it was meant to go down this way because both of our immaturity of the time didn’t allow either of us to see past the situation. was it possible she’s expressing herself that way because she really liked me. her words caused me to believe not only no but “HELL NO”.

even after that episode i still never forgot about her. even attempted to talk to her on MySpace and sent a mushy message even after she noted that she doesn’t remember me. i made sure to note that i really had a crush on her back in the day but to my disappointment – though not surprise – she never responded. she is on fb however and have debated whether or not i should contact her there.

i did say 6th grade was weird. that year the boys started to play with the girls. many of the girls got a quick slap on their backsides at random times by the boys especially when our teacher was outside of the classroom. if this activity happened now this wouldn’t be acceptable at all.

also this was the only time i saw a girl in her panties. right in our classroom two boys surrounded this girl and pulled up her skirt. if i recall her underwear seemed childish which makes sense because we were so young. consider this another thing that was unacceptable back then.

Girltalk

Girl TalkIt’s funny how women can just casually talk about people in generally, especially those they have some types of issue with. In the break room one of my supervisors and a woman from another department casually talk about a guy that comes in to help us out from time to time.

The woman from the other department talks about how she’s trying to stay cordial, but this guy keeps trying with her. She already knows they’re not compatible and noted that he’s used to getting his way. Still he’s not getting the hint that it’s not going to happen.

All this woman said was, he works in my department at a different location. The supervisor picks up on who it is and says his name. At this point – thankfully my back is turned – my jaw dropped to the floor hearing about him.

To be sure, he’s a nice guy who’s very good at his job. When I first started working with him, I can’t say I cared for him much. He’s very take charge, very hyper, and yes he knows what to do in a lot of situations. Since I don’t really have work with him often it’s really no big deal we can just work business as usual when he’s gone.

So then they really got to talking about him. Their convo indicates that they really don’t seem to like him that much. Or more accurately they don’t like how he is, for example he can be real touchy they say. The only thing I can say that means is he gets too close to them or he touches them and they don’t like it.

So now it brings to mind how some women have been towards me. Sometimes what they’re thinking comes to the forefront in the worst ways. Most of the time I’m not even thinking about them and yet wow I’m the worst thing ever. Perhaps it’s not exactly like that, but sometimes it’s difficult for me not to think in those terms.

So in other words, women talk to each other and share information about men. Unfortunately depending on the women, they may otherwise act on this information. It may have little to do with the man, but they will find a way to use it against a man fair or unfair. There isn’t much anyone can do about it other than let them talk.