timing

aaeaaqaaaaaaaadgaaaajdhlntm2zjzklwfmymqtnda5zi1hzdhjlwuwzjeymdfkmwriywyou know a couple of posts ago i said my mother was pretty good with bad timing and now i see i’m not much better with that. now i have the ability to really do far more than ever especially since my income is going up. i feel ready to go out and actually date.

when my mother’s company failed – she worked at a bank – while she’s on medical leave and then her insurance was cancelled by the new company it opened up a new can of worms. the day it happened i met with a matchmaker who was gathering more info on me for a potential date.

to be honest it didn’t go very well as i’m still wearing an old pair of glasses and i couldn’t find my repair kit. so i had putty on my glasses the matchmaker noticed eventually. i took them off as we had a far more serious conversation than i had expected. she had her own expectations as far as who she wants to match her clients with.

then i had my own frank conversation noting far more liberally than i should’ve my mother’s situation. she noted my decision making ability as far as the jobs i accepted. then i note my belief that i’m in a position to really do dating and hopefully marriage. i was certainly better off now than i had been at “the show” where i was stuck at minimum wage. my fear is that because my mother developed her health issues over 7 months ago it may be expected of me to be her caretaker and this isn’t the role i need now.

then i consider what has happened in the ensuing week since these changes that were certainly out of my mother’s control. to start when she lost her insurance she only found out when the nursing agency called to let her know she has no insurance and they won’t be sending a nurse to our house. essentially this nurse who has been something of a frequent visitor for roughly the past two months administered i.v. fluids and when those were no longer prescribed flushed out the portal my mother had inserted that was eventually removed recently.

while i had closing shifts at work and was looking forward to at least catch a show before reporting in she dropped a bombshell and told me she needed me to take her to the doctor. the original plan had been that she would have her neighbor chauffeur her to the hospital to get her portal flushed but later this neighbor realized she couldn’t do it because of a prior commitment. because my mother knew my schedule it fell to me.

finally the matchmaker offered some coaching unfortunately – as i’m keenly interested due to these recent changes with my mother’s job and her health insurance – i’ve yet to get back to her. it’s possible she may have forgotten and sadly i have to make time for this in order for me to get started.

at the same time if i meet this matchmaker again hopefully i’ll have more to bring to this table. perhaps just get some new glasses since i do have vision insurance then go to a barber and get a hair cut. at least have something to offer and give her something to work with. beyond that have some goals and vision that i can find a woman to get behind. i suppose that means i have to please that woman in someway before she could ever consider pleasing me.

also lately i’ve been looking online for places to rent and not far away from where home is. thing is no where is particularly ideal until you own the house. in the meanwhile as my mother considers retirement for the first time after this ordeal as she still heals from her sudden compound fracture last year i have to really start jump-starting my own life.

updates

on a sunday i had just gotten home from work my aunt paid us a visit shortly before i got off work. just before i got settled my mother wanted me to go put some trash out so i went ahead and did it because she said it was leaking. before i got out of the house i made sure to put the trash in another garbage bag and took it out.

then after i get back in and expected to settle in for the night, my mother bellows from the kitchen with her sister that she wanted me to go back out and get her some more water from the car. talk about terrible timing as she knew i just got back in and she expected me to go back out to the garage.

i don’t know how she became funny about water. i bought two gallon jugs of water, then almost a whole case of bottled water from the car on another day, and then she wanted me to buy more Dasani waters. so on that occassion she wanted me to get the dasani that was still in the car in the garage. that irritated me and let her know i just came from outside, i’m sure she knew i didn’t like that unfortunately her process isn’t on the same time as my own. i hated making two trip like that and unnecessarily. i’ve begun to learn that she’s awful with timing…

speaking of bad timing my mother is on leave from her current job and unfortunately in something of a hostil takeover her company was taken over by another. the processes of this company is different that the one they took over and as a result this company immediately cancelled the insurance plans of their new employees. my mother is scrambling to find out how she’s going to pay for the doctor we’ve been having a nurse come over at first to administer iv fluid now it’s to clean out the portal which is now coming out soon. still just more drama at this point and my mother is still not at the point where she will be able to return to work.

my mother since she returned from the hospital has largely been bereft of energy. the treatment she had to go through in december to further treat her compound fracture had taken its toll. her immune system got depressed with this treatment. taking out bone marrow and replacing some blood plasma without a doubt is a traumatic treatment. plus she really hasn’t been able to eat a lot of food just doesn’t have a healthy appetitte right now although she’s always been something of a nibbler it’s just worse now than ever.

day after christmas

my mother was discharged from the hospital finally. of course her appointments aren’t likely to change. there is a need to clean the house and of course for a little bit of time she has to wear a mask. her immune system was weakened by her recent treatment although her treatment has seen her fracture finally heal. my mother said something about abnormal cells in that particular bone.

we had to stop by an aunt’s house – one of my dad’s sisters. she has a xmas party almost every year. she wanted to fix a plate for us and we dropped by. because my mother had instructions to stay away from places with a lot of people she stayed in the car while i went in and waited for a plate. either way my mother got a call from her own sister saying that she was at home. we got the plate and headed back home.

my other aunt was on the ready to help us out a bit making some plans for the house in light of my mom’s current situation. she used to come over and help clean the house in the past though these days she lives much further away. the next day after my mother got out of the hospital she helped push up an easy chair upstairs so that there will be a comfortable chair in living room.

also there is some anticipation of other relatives from out of town dropping by in the near future. so we’re attempting to get ready for that also.

the night before on xmas eve after visiting my mother i went out driving after leaving hospital. just drove around chicago a little but and it’s not often that it’s just me and her vehicle at home. admittedly she purchased insurance for me so this i won’t get caught flat footed in case something happened out there. thankfully this is not something that has come to pass.

drove along lake shore drive, then drove into downtown chicago by my job. made a stop at the nearby theater to see what was playing but decided there wasn’t nothing for me to see on that occasion. drove my navy pier and then went further on lake shore drive to the north side. drove along broadway up until i got into wrigleyville and drove past wrigley field.

then began my return home on the south side driving on the magnificent mile and then through the loop, even drove through the show. just circled seeing the shopping center it’s located in. as a matter of fact the last time i drove there it was in one of my mother’s old vehicles this was the first time i drove by in my mom’s new car. then finally stopped by for a polish sausage near maxwell street before returning home.

now we see how everything goes from here. without a doubt the past two weeks have been most interesting…

christmas eve

christmas-eve-service-vidor-tx

on my off day i visited my mother and it appears she wasn’t doing great. she apparently got tired of her hospital food and just stopped eating it. she says that she couldn’t swallow it because she just couldn’t force herself to eat the food.

out of the blue when she called me there was a request for a KFC pot pie. i was a little annoyed with that, but what can i do. i unfortunately didn’t know that she hadn’t eaten anything – that was never communicated and i wanted to just go there without any more stops. then she tells me she hasn’t eaten all day and that she was really starving.

i quickly got upset because of all the steps i had to go through to get to her room. security has to check you in and give you a pass and then of course since i have the car i have to drive park and pay for parking. i objected to going through that again especially paying to park even if she gave me cash for it. so anyway i had a little fit because this didn’t fit in with my plans, but was more upset that she just didn’t want to eat the hospital food.

before i arrived at the hospital she called me a few days ago to let me know tentatively she was supposed to have been released on christmas eve. instead it got pushed back to christmas day because over the past three nights she had developed a low grade fever. now they have to investigate that and it keeps her away from home one more night.

oh yeah, she had some junk food in her hospital room. my brother had someone bring some junk food to her and she hadn’t touched it because they brought her such oversized bag she decided it was too much for her and she didn’t need it.

btw, i write this realizing that i’m expressing my own frustration with this current situation. one that is entirely outside of primarily her control, it’s not entirely her fault that she developed a compound fracture in her hip area. at this moment though this is the timeline i’m living in during the course of this holiday season…

alone…

the first night since my mother returned for her extended stay for further treatment in the hospital for her compound fracture was spend basically driving around. i went to a nearby outpost of my store where i saw my boss unexpectedly. he’s filling in for his counterpart there as i heard unforeseen circumstances seen that individual stepping aside temporarily.

he introduced me to one of the assistant dept. managers there who likes employees who are versatile as i am. that felt great though for me i consider myself at times understated.

i wanted to buy a live xmas tree but didn’t see a small one that i wanted to buy. it helped me not buy anything but as i visit my mother in the hospital i’m sure there will be other opportunities. will have to find that live tree elsewhere.

my mother told me before dropping her off at the hospital that my brother is coming to town for only the third time since her surgery over the summer. and then one of her sisters from out of town is coming also. both i dread but at the same time it’s expected that they may not have to come to our place therefore i don’t have to play host.

in the meanwhile back at home, i reclaimed some of the reusable grocery bags that my mother decided will become storage bags. i replace them with plastic garrett’s popcorn bags that i have accumulated over time. and now i have a reliable collection of small reusable bags to draw upon.

also i’ve been doing some cleanup, the medical professionals that my mother is working with expect a somewhat clean house when she returns. i had started before she finally checked in will continue to do the job when i’m able to schedule permitting.  i’m in the process of doing some clean-up in her room and in the upstairs bathroom. the bathroom would need a good cleaning at least.

btw, why do i have that video up there? a track from 2016’s Batman vs. Superman movie. it fits my mood right now, but then when i talk about “the show” it on occassion fits my mood with them also. funny part is that well i was long gone when i left and the movie premiered in fact i was at the “new show” when that film was released. either way it fits my mood right now as for different reasons i’m at home alone again!

updates

adobepresenterupdate

my mother told me she’s going back to the hospital. over the last few weeks she had been undergoing procedures to set her up for another procedure which involves bone marrow and blood plasma. this isn’t surgery where she will be under anesthesia, however, she’ll still be gone for about 10 or so days.

recently, she spent overnight at the hospital because a “portal” placed on her for the coming procedure caused some bleeding and they needed to give her some sutures. i was a little frustrated and she likely was also because a lot of waiting on her part. in my case i was waiting because they needed someone on ready especially if she’s not 100% and often that person was me.

i’ll be alone at home for 10 days and i’m unsure what to do. if i had those kinds of relationships with women one could stay home with me during those days where my mother’s gone. however, it does seem a little unseemly doesn’t it or not when i’ve had that type of relationship and she doesn’t mind it.

i’ve begun to realize as much as my personality has been described as a loner, i don’t like being alone in a not so big house. it is really important for me to share my life with someone and often skirted this for a number of years. just not sure how to start on this when i should’ve started at least in my teenaged years.

to be sure this is the worst time for me to think about these things. my mother is undergoing her own health challenges with the issues involving a compound fracture in her hip/thigh area. but i have a place to stay and no one by myself for the time being.

also, i’ve struggled with the idea of being a part-time caretaker. thankfully she’s largely able to take care of herself and when she finally comes home there will be people coming over to keep an eye on her. i literally don’t relish having to be in that role and sooner or later this has to be communicated. this is only because i’ve finally gotten to the point where i want to actually live life and if i don’t do it now it’ll just get much harder.

the idea has crept in my head that it’s time to move. i’ve spent most of my life at home and then going to the liberal arts college, but it’s time to be in my own place. unfortunately i’ll still likely be alone, but it’s past time. it helps that i’ve finally found a job where i can make good money and grow after almost 5 years at the stagnant minimum wage. i saved enough money where i can do that and perhaps still get a little car.

in the meanwhile how can i possibly manage being at home by myself while my mother is away at the hospital. also it’s very important that i hope for the best as always!

benefits

benefitslast year i wrote about getting some benefits. benefits had been one of the reasons i left “the show” i.e beyond free movies i got jack. other than that i found two jobs that offered the benefits i had been looking for primarily health i never thought beyond that.

this past summer the associated of my company had a benefits vote to choose various options in addition to some new offerings. something i took advantage of even if what i would like didn’t go forward such as for example identity theft protection.

either way one evening i just decided to explain to my coworker the compensation/promotion structure with my former employers at “the show”. i told him matter of factly that if i got promoted to manager – well actually supervisor level – i’d get no benefits. to which he retorted that if one gets 40+ of work they should get benefits.

i had to explain to him that the company itself could find a way to skirt the law so that they wouldn’t have to provide benefits. for example, they can just turn around and say supervisors can’t work more than 40 hours they can only work 35 hours a week. boom don’t want to provide benefits that’s a way out. i’d get paid slightly better but that’s all.

now, having left “the show” over two years ago i know my worth. i spend most of my working life hovering around the minimum wage and then suddenly with a job at the bank and then moving onto a job in the grocery business my income went up. i say this to say i wanted to get to management/supervisor level at the show.

to get up to full-management – that is for “the show” senior management – i’d have to go through the supervisory level. as time went on i was no longer interested even if deep down i never got there for reasons semi-unknown. and when leaving that company and figuring out what other companies offered whether i had standing over other employees or not it turns out perhaps there was no boat to miss.

if i understood correct senior management is a salaried position and they get the benefits. not sure the extent of the benefits but they got them. and as with supervisors there seems to be a subjective process in who gets promoted, that is they choose you. you don’t get an opportunity to apply for such positions.

either way i learned of one of the senior managers through a coworker. she had quit suddenly and unexpectedly apparently she had been unhappy for a long time. that coworker claimed she was working a part-time job as a bank teller for better benefits and was forced to quit when her bosses found out. and my worker mentioned this tome as it was time for me to interview with the same bank that this manager briefly worked for.

well what does this mean, well even the hotshot senior managers who should’ve had it made still weren’t getting what they’re due with their positions with the company. perhaps on that level there was no boat to miss either. just as with getting to the supervisor level.

now i had to explain to my friend getting to the senior manager level is like getting into what we call store leadership. the store managers are considered salaried however department managers are still considered hourly. now supervisors are considered as shift managers and they’re the level of the supervisors under the various department managers.

so basically we both agreed that this was a shitty deal. this year we do it all over again and decide which benefits we want to take advantage of for the coming year.