Back to the modern day for the moment

As I write this my mother is at home after an almost week stay in the hospital. She had an episode right in front of me where she “passed out”. As far as I’m concerned she was still conscious, however, as she tried to get into her car for her regular appointment I noticed that her head wasn’t steady and then she fell. Had a gash on her head for her trouble which was stapled by the E.R. and spend one night in the hospital.

Fast forward to when she returned to the E.R. to get the staples out and a few days after that she gets a call from the hospital. They gave her a heart monitor due to her episodes with “passing out”. They found something that likely occurred while she was asleep and told her to come to the E.R. as soon as possible and that turned into seven days. Seven days I was home alone taking the car to work as I had been for a while a lot of my schedule lately were early mornings. Most of the days she had been away I was working and my next off day was when I could take her home from the hospital.

Aside from talking about work or even my “situationship” what have I often discussed – financial independence. This episode causes me to further work to get my affairs in order and who knows when the inevitable will happen. I want her to see me get my affairs in order before she goes. Sadly dad isn’t here to see how my life turned out and while my mother was in the hospital she noted his recent birthday.

This is one reason why I have been saving the money I have been. I was asking questions about paying property taxes here in Chicago they’re due twice a year and the county won’t allow you to pay in advance. In fact my mother was upset that she just let the deadline to pay the property taxes slip by and I was able to share a link to paying those bills online so she got them done. At least the house is paid for and my mother isn’t prone to putting a home equity loan just to have some extra cash thankfully.

Right now the house isn’t so lonely, however, I need to stop being so hesitant or cautious as far as moving forward with my life. I think I’ve stuck around at home long enough. I can still help her when I can and she does have another son who lives with his own family halfway across America who has the “perfect life”.

I’m just sorry that these ongoing health issues and even the loss of her job at a neighborhood bank earlier that year had somewhat derailed the plans that I started to lay once I left The Show. It’s not her fault it’s just the situation and of course I’ve ran into some other setbacks as well in addition to the more pressing setbacks.

Perhaps I’m coming off as selfish but I recognize how I hadn’t really progressed the way I would’ve liked to. Perhaps I should’ve been in my own place or certainly have been able to secure a much better job by now. The issue now is to just get started.

Also I dreamed about my dad one night. Probably as a result of a convo I had with my mother the night before. Over the summer an uncle – one of my dad’s brothers – had passed away. I saw an unrecognizable name amongst the brothers and sisters and she talked about how dad actually talked to this then unknown to me half-brother and also got a cousin from his mother’s side of his family tree to come to our home to visit. One good thing about dad was that he was willing to talk with his mother’s side of the family.

In any case the dream was that my dad was driving mom’s current car. Part of me wanted to ask him how was it driving the car. One weird thing about my dad is that he really didn’t want my mom to own a car, he wanted to be the only one with a vehicle. Anyway to even think of asking a question is just recognizing that he had been away for a while. I seem to have a tendency to dream about him as if the events of over 20 years ago never happened.

Another strange thing about these dreams is that with him around I’m still at home. On the ride with my dad I was sitting in the back seat with mom riding shotgun. I have been convinced that if he was still around more than likely I wouldn’t still be at home. Perhaps I’d be in the military as it’s very likely he’d have been an influence in that decision.

Regardless I was in teenager mode in the dream which was certainly the last time he had seen me when he was living. Sometimes I like having those types of dreams.

Life’s too short

Initially when I wrote that post a few days ago about “crossroads” it was prompted by a two observations. Often I got to work early and often I take the train to work. One recent day going to work I ran into an older women I recognize on my commute.

She’s a woman who might be more more no less than 50 or perhaps even 60. She’s not unattractive, however, her face shows her age. Her hair is graying and often she might have her hair up in something of a bun, however, on this most recent day she had her hair down. Usually she’s wearing some type of uniform with a tie.

I’ve yet to determine what exactly she does for a job, however, I’ve guessed that she works in transportation especially for an airline. I nix that idea because she never gets off at any stop where she could go to either of Chicago’s two airports. However based on her uniform I just decided that she must do some type of security work.

So she’s on the train sometime after 6 AM as I am taking public transit to work. And this is one reason why I’m at a crossroads. Perhaps I have to decided whether this grind is worth it as I get older. Do I want to be going to work on public transit at a very early hour?

Although hey I figure as long as I’m in good health I would like to go as long as I can because if you don’t you might wither and who wants that. Perhaps for where I am in life I envisioned a lot more than what I have currently. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to be where yours truly is now, but I just know that it could be much better than this.

I suppose in my mind this lady should be retired by now, however, for reasons only she knows she still had to get out and go to work just about every day. This leads me to my next observation.

One day I was getting off the train from work and as I leave the train station I see this relatively tall woman walking bowlegged. She’s moving at an absolute crawl as if her feet or legs hurt. I want to get past but I’m so tired I can’t move fast enough to get past her. I see she sits down at a nearby bench.

I see yet another older woman who’s about 50 or 60 or so. She’s about to get on her phone I see her fat ankles or perhaps her ankles were swollen. She definitely had a security guard uniform on and she probably just got off work herself. I’m thinking that if she’s moving like that she needs to find another job where she can sit down for her shift.

Again it causes me to wonder what’s her story. I told my mother about it and she theorizes that a lot of people who are older and still trying to work made some decisions when they were younger. They made some “smart” decisions trying to avoid really having to work. Then they get old and they have no money to fall back on so at a later stage in their lives they’re forced to find something. I’m sure in their case the jobs they want don’t seem to want them so they get a job such as one in security.

I started going to work late in life. I got my degree and took a less than ideal job at a cinema. It was better to just get a regular income and luckily this was a job I held for a decent number of years until it was time to move on from it. However, it was a job I liked because I definitely liked going to the picture show. And I like working in a grocery store because while grocery shopping isn’t necessarily a memorable event there is an essential need behind it. People still need to buy meat, vegetables, and/or other staples for their kitchens.

I’d rather do both than do security to be honest, I’m glad that I picked my poison and deal with the often unpredictable public than take on such a lonely role as security. However the main thing I do want as I get older is to not find myself in the position where public transportation is my only option and that a lack of financial resources is the reason I take on a job I don’t like in the future.

One final recent observation. My mother and I went to a Sam’s Club recently and when I went to the bathroom I witnessed an elderly man perhaps he was 70 who seemed like he was composing himself. He was at work there and a coworker came to check on him. This old man was still work and probably isn’t in the best of health. Still had to work at his age

I’m working on not allowing that to become me.

Updates

Funny thing happened a few days ago, with this bug still going around store mgmt shut down my department. Evidently someone got this virus and it affected our department somehow so just about an hour after I started our dept was closed for the day and we were sent home. Store mgmt called me the next day saying I’m cleared to return, either way I was returning to work….

Ahhhhh, you know I shouldn’t have had so much bravado about that. I still often take public transit to work and you never know what you might run into. Often people still take chances sitting next to people making some odd judgement calls. You’re sitting next to someone and you don’t know what they got. Well some people wear masks and some people don’t bottom line is they’re taking chances and they know someone is going to make a decision to move during a very insecure time.

So to be honest, I’m glad I heard from store mgmt about this. There was a confirmed case at our location, however, who knows who came to work with the bug at least on our team. This means I no longer have a decision to make, I had one day off in between so it seems there was no extended contact with someone who is ill. At worst they probably wouldn’t allow me to return to work and it’s time to get tested.

When our store mgr gave us the news I was nervous, but not concerned. Besides when coming to work we do a temp check before punching in. While granted it takes time – for example up to two weeks – before showing symptoms if something was going on with my body at anytime especially a fever they’re not letting me go to work.

In the rest of the world, I’m seeing that perhaps things are going in the right direction. In this state hospitalizations are going down – and especially people in ICUs and on ventilators. The rate of infections are going down. And even the state is talking seriously about allowing restaurants to reopen with outdoor seating as long as there are social distancing measures in place. As stated often here, it’s time for the world to get back to normal and it’s been shown that as the weather warms up people just get restless and I can’t say I blame them.

In the meantime I won’t give in to the fear just continue to take my precautions. This bug is nothing to trifle with so while the odds of my recovery is likely good, it’s possible to become very sick. That’s not my plan right now if it can be helped, there’s a lot more life left to live.

So for the rest of you be careful, be safe, and be well!

Before the outbreak

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Actually I was supposed to go to an interview back at the dine-in Show – operated by the national theater chain – where I had worked for roughly 8 months during 2015-16. My last interview there was after being let go from the Hole and months before the actual end of the Reign of Error. That interview didn’t go well and it seemed based on the people who I still knew up there it was very likely I wasn’t coming back at that time.

Regardless, this time around before the quarantines, the order to serve only take-out foods with no dine-in, and before the stay-at-home orders I had the opportunity to interview to be a porter at the dine-in Show. Basically I would transport food orders to moviegoers in their respective auditoriums. I’d be eligible for tips and it’s something I have some experience in due to my previous stint there.

I didn’t go, it was a workday and it didn’t really end until I punched-out for the day. Before these lockdowns and the dire predictions of the spread for this bug that’s going around right now this was a normal day. It wasn’t too uncommon for someone to come up at say 3 PM when I would’ve gotten off to walk-up and expect to be served. The person who’d take over for me wouldn’t come in before I clock off for the day.

So when it got that busy near the end of the day, I wasn’t entirely in good spirits and decided at that moment that I wasn’t going. In my favor they didn’t call me to schedule an interview this was basically an open interview. I was invited to an open interview via e-mail and people just had to show up and get interviewed. It’s basically like going to a job fair which Fresh Foods might have at their stores at certain intervals. The way I see it you never know what you would get with such a gimmick. Some of the people I work with now, were hired through such an event.

Either way I never saw this as a big loss if I just decided not to show up. Perhaps it might not look so great for me in the long run, however, this is a basic entry-level job and I wasn’t interviewing for a mgmt position. They may not have such a great record of who came in and who didn’t, I was just on a list of people they invited to interview. Also the porter job wasn’t really the job I wanted if nothing else it enabled me to work elsewhere just as it was the case when I was in my honeymoon period at the Hole four years ago.

So not long after this pandemic struck, a week had passed after the interview where the state government and federal governments start issuing their orders to stem this pandemic. I also found out while looking for jobs with the national theater chain that theaters are closed right now until this pandemic is over. Therefore they’re not doing any hiring currently.

If I had gone to this open interview when would I have started? Would my start date have been pushed back thanks to this bug? Even if I had started would I still have a job once it became clear that movie theaters around the country would be closed due to this bug?

Just think about it for a second if I had still been working at The Show and the dine-in Show I’d be out of work. It’s a good thing I work at a grocery store otherwise I’d be sitting at home making NO money. And it’s unclear if I would’ve returned to work at a theater especially if they just decided it wasn’t important for me to return.

To be fair, I’d rather be working but then it’s kind of cool to be sitting at home letting the world heal from this bug. It’s not something I can hardly afford at the moment, but then again if I’m serious about becoming a YouTuber perhaps one day I can afford to sit at home and wait out a major bug outbreak. It’ll have to remain a dream for now.

 

Viruses

I first saw this video when it first was uploaded and it appeared in my notifications on YouTube. Miggy of Men 101 or Alex of Driven & Desired (and formerly of the now deleted MGTOW 101 channel) talks about viruses. I hope you can follow the science because it was hard to keep up.

The point he was trying to make I believe is viruses are more beneficial than we are educated to believe. He mentions a lot about how the body has their own mechanisms to eliminate toxins.

This is one way I hope people can educated themselves as a virus has disrupted society to a great extent around the world, especially here in the USA. This is not at all to dismiss the seriousness of this virus, it’s only to give you some perspective on pathogens. I’ll leave it up to you how you receive this information.

While we hope for the best and for life to get back to some semblance of normal I hope you all can be well

Outbreak

I never thought I would work somewhere that would get heavily affected by a “pandemic”. I never thought I would see a run on toilet tissues, paper towels, sanitizer, etc and see empty shelves. People panic and things you take for granted in abundance now you see on empty shelves.

Basically I work with food anyway and lately I’ve been more fastidious about keeping my counters sanitized and my hands washed. Now what I think about more is my elderly mother who’s hardly out there in the world getting sick with a virus that now she’s far more vulnerable for. Though she’s not suffering some of the conditions that makes one more vulnerable to the debilitating effects of this disease.

What I’m somewhat OK with is that for those who aren’t vulnerable it’s only contagious. It’s spreadable and thus you won’t get very sick though that’s not to say you’re won’t feel some effects. It just means you have to maintain social distance from others to keep them from falling ill.

Thankfully the many measures to really combat this are mostly common sense such as washing your hands or covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough. Since I wasn’t prescient enough to buy more hand sanitizer I have to make do with what I still have in short supply at home. It’s too bad about the panic buying once it became clear that this virus is spreading.

Either way I’m looking forward to when we finally reach the peak of the bell curve and when we do reach that point society can get back to some sense of normal. I thought 9/11 was something, but as it turned out we haven’t seen anything yet.

Be well…

Milestone

bank banking business cards

Remember a few years ago I spoke of fixing my teeth. I spent some time getting some cleanings and then eventually had some teeth pulled with at first a dental flipper installed. Then later got my canines grinded down to eventually be fitted with a permanent dental bridge. And I’m close to reaching a milestone with that, my credit card bill is finally below $1K.

I can’t believe it took me over 4 yrs to finally get to this point. And it took me a moment because I continued to use that card only helping to increase the balance. However I used some discipline to finally focus and get the balance down to were I can be close to zero $ as far as a balance. I had intended to pay this balance off when I was off work for 6 mos, but didn’t maintain my plan for that.

I’m glad to have had some insurance before leaving The Show although I had purchased it since the company didn’t provide it for employees below senior mgmt level. I used the insurance to pay for the cleanings and ultimately the flipper, though what really cost the most money was the dental bridge. This is what I’m still working to pay off to this day.

I think it was worth it. For the last two or so years at The Show my smile was horrible. And suffered a few jokes as a result and it helped me decide to do something about it. Now people can joke about my new fake teeth. It makes a difference to be able to truly smile and not have this weird overhang even when my mouth is closed. So the work I needed done to begin with even before it started to get worse was long in coming.

As far as timeline I started working on this during the last month or so of the Streak Era. Before getting the dental flipper I had two more interviews and thus had bad teeth when I went in. When I reported to my new job at the bank I had new teeth and when I interviewed at least three more times before the end of that year I had new teeth. Who knows if it made a difference, but I know that it was possible to present much better at that point.

At this point it’s still a hard process but I should never allow some issues to get so bad that it requires major work like that. I could live without it, but the bottom line is that when something needs to be done just get started on it. And hopefully I won’t have to charge for it either.

Spring

The weather has been horrible here in Chicago. Most of April was cold and before getting hired again at “Fresh Foods” I came down with a cold. My nose still runs, however, I didn’t feel as bad the weekend before reporting to my new dept the next Monday. Regardless I actually accomplished a New Year’s resolution, and as stated the easiest one to fulfill.

I’m looking forward to this new beginning and the new attitude I’ll have with my current job, that it’s nothing more than a means to an end. This summer will again be a period of great self-improvement. Besides earlier this year I did consider returning to school, perhaps learn a new skill. This is something that’s worth doing this year. Especially something that might help with future job (or even entrepreneurial) prospects.

Although I did express interest in learning something new taking some art classes for example – besides I do want to become adept with photoshop. Of course those aren’t the only activities to take advantage of where hopefully I can meet people. This is one of my goals this year is to go outside of my comfort zone and meet people outside of work. Which is key an old friend once said don’t s**t where you eat (lol). Meaning perhaps it’s not wise to date people from a job….

All the same what type of trouble should I get myself into this coming summer. Especially now that the weather has warmed up finally!

“Editor’s note”: Been thinking about changing the title and url of this blog. Perhaps just trend on the side of the positive. Even though on occasion this blog could trend towards the negative. What do you think? What could I rename this blog?

Perhaps “The life and times of Jack V” a bit long, but a nice ring to it. Perhaps just simply “Jack V” and make this blog pseudonymous & eponymous. A few ideas to consider. 😛

timing

aaeaaqaaaaaaaadgaaaajdhlntm2zjzklwfmymqtnda5zi1hzdhjlwuwzjeymdfkmwriywyou know a couple of posts ago i said my mother was pretty good with bad timing and now i see i’m not much better with that. now i have the ability to really do far more than ever especially since my income is going up. i feel ready to go out and actually date.

when my mother’s company failed – she worked at a bank – while she’s on medical leave and then her insurance was cancelled by the new company it opened up a new can of worms. the day it happened i met with a matchmaker who was gathering more info on me for a potential date.

to be honest it didn’t go very well as i’m still wearing an old pair of glasses and i couldn’t find my repair kit. so i had putty on my glasses the matchmaker noticed eventually. i took them off as we had a far more serious conversation than i had expected. she had her own expectations as far as who she wants to match her clients with.

then i had my own frank conversation noting far more liberally than i should’ve my mother’s situation. she noted my decision making ability as far as the jobs i accepted. then i note my belief that i’m in a position to really do dating and hopefully marriage. i was certainly better off now than i had been at “the show” where i was stuck at minimum wage. my fear is that because my mother developed her health issues over 7 months ago it may be expected of me to be her caretaker and this isn’t the role i need now.

then i consider what has happened in the ensuing week since these changes that were certainly out of my mother’s control. to start when she lost her insurance she only found out when the nursing agency called to let her know she has no insurance and they won’t be sending a nurse to our house. essentially this nurse who has been something of a frequent visitor for roughly the past two months administered i.v. fluids and when those were no longer prescribed flushed out the portal my mother had inserted that was eventually removed recently.

while i had closing shifts at work and was looking forward to at least catch a show before reporting in she dropped a bombshell and told me she needed me to take her to the doctor. the original plan had been that she would have her neighbor chauffeur her to the hospital to get her portal flushed but later this neighbor realized she couldn’t do it because of a prior commitment. because my mother knew my schedule it fell to me.

finally the matchmaker offered some coaching unfortunately – as i’m keenly interested due to these recent changes with my mother’s job and her health insurance – i’ve yet to get back to her. it’s possible she may have forgotten and sadly i have to make time for this in order for me to get started.

at the same time if i meet this matchmaker again hopefully i’ll have more to bring to this table. perhaps just get some new glasses since i do have vision insurance then go to a barber and get a hair cut. at least have something to offer and give her something to work with. beyond that have some goals and vision that i can find a woman to get behind. i suppose that means i have to please that woman in someway before she could ever consider pleasing me.

also lately i’ve been looking online for places to rent and not far away from where home is. thing is no where is particularly ideal until you own the house. in the meanwhile as my mother considers retirement for the first time after this ordeal as she still heals from her sudden compound fracture last year i have to really start jump-starting my own life.

updates

on a sunday i had just gotten home from work my aunt paid us a visit shortly before i got off work. just before i got settled my mother wanted me to go put some trash out so i went ahead and did it because she said it was leaking. before i got out of the house i made sure to put the trash in another garbage bag and took it out.

then after i get back in and expected to settle in for the night, my mother bellows from the kitchen with her sister that she wanted me to go back out and get her some more water from the car. talk about terrible timing as she knew i just got back in and she expected me to go back out to the garage.

i don’t know how she became funny about water. i bought two gallon jugs of water, then almost a whole case of bottled water from the car on another day, and then she wanted me to buy more Dasani waters. so on that occassion she wanted me to get the dasani that was still in the car in the garage. that irritated me and let her know i just came from outside, i’m sure she knew i didn’t like that unfortunately her process isn’t on the same time as my own. i hated making two trip like that and unnecessarily. i’ve begun to learn that she’s awful with timing…

speaking of bad timing my mother is on leave from her current job and unfortunately in something of a hostil takeover her company was taken over by another. the processes of this company is different that the one they took over and as a result this company immediately cancelled the insurance plans of their new employees. my mother is scrambling to find out how she’s going to pay for the doctor we’ve been having a nurse come over at first to administer iv fluid now it’s to clean out the portal which is now coming out soon. still just more drama at this point and my mother is still not at the point where she will be able to return to work.

my mother since she returned from the hospital has largely been bereft of energy. the treatment she had to go through in december to further treat her compound fracture had taken its toll. her immune system got depressed with this treatment. taking out bone marrow and replacing some blood plasma without a doubt is a traumatic treatment. plus she really hasn’t been able to eat a lot of food just doesn’t have a healthy appetitte right now although she’s always been something of a nibbler it’s just worse now than ever.