Overthinking

I wanted to actually follow-up on the episode “You need a friend“. I intended to write this statement about the Hustler who is considered the most honest dishonest person I ever met. He was honest about what he thought about yours truly as it was communicated to me personally and certainly about his intentions.

I find myself wondering why I still got so entangled with him and often linked it with his inability to really back off. He does, however, I realize now that when we first met at The Show he knew exactly what he was doing and indeed why he was doing it. He’d do anything it took to achieve his objectives and know that he will continue to do so if there is an opportunity available for him.

For what happened back then I pushed one person away and he comes right in. And at the time he needed to be pushed away and I also know that could be dangerous or maybe not. He has a big mouth and will use it although it’s better he talks about me like a dog because he didn’t achieve anything than because he was my friend.

Someone reminded me of fool me twice shame on me, however, as a person who understands friendships it’s just as easily shame on him. Shame on me for allow this person to persist in my personal space thinking that he’s a necessary part of it. Shame on him for continuing to go on even now thinking business as usual will continue. It can not…

I also want to add the person I had pushed away Candace once I wrote that post it began to become apparent how much that wasn’t a guarantee. For a person who comes to quick conclusions and jumps on those implications what if he saw something empty there. What if he painted a picture that only served to damage that potential relationship. Perhaps he starts rumors or if things happened the way they didn’t initially with yours truly being more friendly and approachable to Candace, yours truly could still be in some ways vulnerable.

Who’s to say the Hustler wouldn’t come in and say are you sure she’s for you? Are you sure you can trust her? Are you sure that she fits your image? Don’t you think you need another type of girl in your life? I can imagine a picture vastly different from the one in front of me from my own POV being painted and with him as the puppet master. Perhaps Candice did get away, perhaps she was never really an answer. As stated what happened during that period years ago is so far in the rear view mirror and the events that occurred in the wake is set in stone.

I just know his past history and it’s astounding to me that while he may have to adjust tactics I know what he’s doing as he continues to attempt in roads with yours truly. Thankfully the last attempt at contact was on Christmas Day with his odd request for directions. Funny thing is I get the idea that it will be a while before he finally ceases on his own, however, my plan will be to do all that is necessary to kill any further desire by him to continue his attempts at contact. I’m seeing that ignoring alone doesn’t end his desire for contact and shows that he still has little going for him even now.

I realize also that he among other subjects on this blog such as my history at The Show or what happened with Ruthless Roger has become frequent fodder on this blog. I suppose you can add the Hustler to this mix. Something was never right with this odd situationship and I’m glad to have finally recognized that it was never going to be for my own benefit. Hopefully with this I can finally stop overthinking the events that took place and with the outcomes set in stone.

excuses

Making-Excuses-Does-Not-Produce-Results

last year when i was looking for a new job i had excuses. when it came to job hunting i was very picky as to the type of job i wanted. it was a matter of sticking to a familiar business to breaking into a business where there would be better pay and benefits.

that also meant i lost out on a lot of jobs that would provide that, however, those jobs would not be of great interest. my current job isn’t exactly ideal, but i received exactly what i was looking for better pay and benefits.

the same applies to dating. this year is the first time i tried dating sites after utilizing social networking such as facebook to approach women. so far my experience is with happn which unfortunately hasn’t gotten me any results.

a friend of mine suggested plenty of fish, and he hassled me about it for a while and kept coming up with excuses such as i didn’t want to post a picture or whatever. simply my head wasn’t in the game at that point and his checking on me and this website wasn’t helping. at that point in time there was no interest on my part to truly join that dating site or any site for that matter.

now that i realize that in keeping with the earlier post about whether or not i should announce my virginity on any other dating profile. of course what this could mean is that they could see a face of a virgin, unless i chose to find a way to sidestep this issue and there are ways.

perhaps i still need a picture but would still have to be true to myself. i can’t find a picture to portray myself as athletic if that’s not reality for instance. of course i’m talking about not showing my face, just as an experiment.

of course with these dating sites it’s to spur interest not to depress interest. i have a lot of decisions to make about some of the excuses i made regarding these dating sites and what strategies to use to spur interest. most importantly whether or not being a virgin should be the draw.

or is it best to not reveal that info until such time as there is comfort developing between me and her? I recognize not all are into dating or being with virgins who have very little experience or success attracting women. with that being said with trust and honesty comes movement.

what if?

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i shared the virgin thing, not with everyone but those i may have some interest in. the thing about living life socially is that you’re never sure who to trust with the right information. even worse someone may decide they have some information about you and could use it against you.

with that being said, the women i have met over the years online or in person there have been precious few that i could reliably talk to. the “friend” i’ve spoke to for years, however, she may only suspect my status since for the most part when she asks if i’m a virgin there have been denials on my part.

there are other women of course over the years, but the questions how would they take it. that’s my concern, it could become ammo or it could be something that she may appreciate or respect presuming that she cares about my reasoning. not the expectation that i should’ve gotten some by now.

in fact in a lot of areas i’m not where i should be at least where me in my younger years expected to be. hopefully that i’m getting close to whatever life goal i hoped to achieve.

although for now my life goal is to make a connect with a woman and that it could lead to marriage. not necessarily sex although i’m not nitpicking over that detail anymore. there was a time i wanted to wait for marriage, but that time has ended.

i had some objections to premarital sex, but no more. hell i may want it when i make that connection with a woman. hopefully it’s not something i just give up because i really don’t want to be a virgin. hopefully it’s because i developed some form of connection with that woman whether or not we are getting married or even in a legit relationship.

that being said what if i was just up front about it. of course i can pick or choose. or better yet what if i set up a personal or dating profile and use the virgin thing as my shtick. i wonder about this.