Discomfort

discomfort

In light of my mother’s medical issues and her having to go through surgery I realize another thing that problem keeps me away from meaningful relationships with women. She often has the tendency since before and even after her surgery to want to hold my hand. Today when I went to visit her at the rehab facility she reached for my hand again and noticed how not very touchy feely I sometimes am.

This is no surprise to her I stated on this blog before I’m not a hugger. Especially those family members who insist on a hug every time I see them and have this need to force themselves on me because they just have to. But this surgery and my mother’s extended absence from home has brought out this touchy feely need in her that I may not always respond well to.

Since before I startes this blog and even now I’ve looked up anything on older male virgins. Well perhaps anything on virginity with men and women. Could my issue be social anxiety? Perhaps I have intimacy issues (perhaps “love shy“)? Could I be not very approachable?

I also found advice that suggested that if you don’t show interest in someone with whom you have an attraction or whatever then that’s the basic problem also. Lots of questions but uncertainty about the answer.

What I can say for sure is I’ve entered some odd territory her and I’m learning more about myself while she’s gone to rehab.

Hugs

how-to-draw-people-hugging-from-behind-the-backTo be sure I’m not considered a hugger by any means but the idea bells rang in my head upon seeing a coworker somewhat aggressively hug a young lady at work. He just went up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

He didn’t speak to her apparently earlier that day so he more than made up for it to her delight. It gave me an idea because I would have never thought of it. I asked her if I could get away with what he just got away with.

She didn’t get it at first but she figured it out…”hug me?” she says with a smile and twinkle in her eye. Unfortunately another coworker saw that a customer was waiting and unfortunately my hugging attempt had to wait. I told her I’ll be back to get my hug.

To be sure this was only a hug, and she does have a boyfriend. I was very excited and nervous about this. And this was one of those things I started to overthink. My concern was would I find myself crossing the line with this young lady.

She giggled through the hug at least when I first asked her  and she didn’t turn me down then at least. Besides if she wasn’t feeling it that would come out. I asked her if she wanted to know why I asked, then told her she was worth it. “Awww thanks”. she said.

I’ve worked with her for five months and unfortunately for me this cute petite girl who’s just so sweet in many ways is going away to school. Friendship is probably the way to go with her, but anything more serious well at least that’s something to consider only in my head for the moment. Her boyfriend I hope appreciates that she’s probably getting a lot of hugs from lots of people who like her!

I told her why I asked her and my answer was “because you’re worth it”. That was before I released my hug. She’s a sweet person and so darned cute hugging her was definitely worth it.