wedding season – revisited

I just had to rewrite this post from just about three years ago. My brother got married at this point 20 years ago. It’s amazing how time flies.

A few things I do remember from that period of time. I may have mentioned this in another post, however, during this time my cousin Natalie and the rest of the family were at one of my aunt’s house after my brother’s wedding and they got to talking about her husband Nate’s aspirations.

At the time I didn’t know what kind of job Nate had however I do know he was working for a major company. Somehow I do recall that Nate at some point noted he wanted to do something entrepreneurial – I think a record store came up. Nat had a problem with this and stated how she’d be less of a woman if she accepted that.

I suppose Natalie liked being a wife to a corporate hot shot. And the aunt who hosted us told Nat “Don’t say that” trying to discourage such talk. It’s amazing how I had such a long memory about that and have never forgot that statement many years later. Who knows what Nate’s current aspirations are now.

They didn’t have children at the time and weeks after my brother’s wedding it became known in the family that Nat & Nate were expecting their first born child. They now have two children and it’s amazing to note that both have grown up and their first born daughter is in college. Time flies for sure.

As for my brother, he decided to make a change in his life at that point. For which I’m happy for him, though I noted in that long ago post that back then we were at odds. My mother had noted over the years that in temperament I’ve turned more and more into my dad – minus the alcohol. My brother I feel may well have inherited my dads’ unfortunate disappointment with life. If my dad wanted to move forward he gets sidetracked and it held him up from achieving his goals.

My brother has a lot more going for him in 20 years since he graduated from college and got married. He’s in a great position currently, however, he still isn’t very happy with his life. That’s very sad as I should be the one who’s very unsatisfied with my life. However, I’d like to get into his position as far as income anyway.

As far as our relationship, as you may have already guessed it’s not great and the blame could go on both sides. However, I know that my brother and I were connected on facebook at one point and he deleted me at some point. Used my other facebook to get him back and he rejected that request. So he’s still being funny, but as I got older I recognize that it’s time to do better as far as that relationship.

I’ve got some reason to these days! Don’t forget to revisit the post that I rewrote so that I can go backwards in time this evening.

A virgin stand-up???

I found this article just over five years old regarding a comedian who himself has been unlucky in love. This part of his story was interesting:

It hasn’t been easy. Every girl I’ve ever cared for has rejected me. The last big rejection was April 29, 1999. I was in high school, and I was fairly certain this girl was interested in me, too. But her ex told her I was going around school saying she was already my girlfriend. The next day she told me to fuck off and never talk to her again in front of the entire school. OK, not the entire school. Just the drama club. And the kids in detention (chanting “ECW!” because extreme wrestling was big up here and “Jerry! Jerry!” because ahhh, the ’90s). And the dance company. And the cheerleaders. So, you know, most of the school. When I got upset, as one does when his heart is broken in front of the senior class, a teacher grabbed the girl. “Don’t you remember what happened last week in Columbine?” Gee, thanks.

But that wasn’t enough for this girl. She also framed me for a bomb scare at my school. She also called my mom to let her know she only hung out with me because she felt bad for me. As the days turned to weeks and the months turned to years, I realized that perhaps I was wrong. She never did care about me. And in fact no one has.

Ouch! What a piece of work that girl seemed to be. In my case I don’t really know any women I’ve encountered who went to those extremes, however, I could relate to realizing some girl who was friendly with you at first can just turn on you. No warning no anything you’re just worthless to her and she throws a kitchen sink at you.

Either way I share that article with you to note the message for those of you who are virgins. I want to have my first time with someone I truly care about. I don’t want to do it just to get it over with or even to satisfy someone else which a certain someone has attempted in his own interest.

I do it because it’s what I want and as with other things I’ve talked about last year life is too short and I want to get started before the opportunities begin to dwindle.

If you want to know there’s an update and he took a very drastic and desperate step. I’ve hinted at the idea of this earlier last year.

Why I had to go my own way?

You know I don’t really know how you might view my writings of women. Based upon say my stories of my dealings with women I would wonder if you’ve concluded that I just don’t do well with them.

Were there some situations that could’ve blossomed into something? Perhaps there were and for the right reasons. Definitely not because the woman in question chased me down. I could also note I’ve had someone essentially chase me down and it was more of an ordeal than I realized in the long run which didn’t involve a woman just a man who decided to be a “father figure“.

There were some situations where I was just a brick wall and one woman’s attempt to break it down was to keep trying. Strangely enough in their exercise in some form of futility it fell short and regardless I get looked at as a guy who blew it. Definitely not as a guy who knew what he wanted and whom he wanted do anything with.

I could say there were situations that I read wrong and it just didn’t go very well. It was a brick wall for me and there was very little I could do about it. I suppose if some woman became determined to say “Oh hell no” to yours truly there was no amount of charm I could utilize to really turn it around.

I’ve realized how strange attraction is. It just doesn’t take much for a woman to just decide she’s not into someone. So back when I was young and figuring out how to connect (some could say I won’t try) I knew it didn’t take much for a woman to just move on. I had to be told belatedly that some young women (say teenaged girls) will just flock to a man who gives them attention. At the same time they give the go ahead signals to the ones they want to approach them.

So I just want to say, that as far as going my own way it’s less about how I think women are just terrible creatures only worthy of scorn. I’m just trying to lessen the pressure of wanting wife and kids, my thinking now is it will happen when it happens. As far as getting that better job with six figures it’s something I do have to make a play for and finding that good woman isn’t much different. Both are hard and perhaps one is much harder than the other.

Regardless I’ve not given up yet, but realize that I’m still that overgrown teenaged boy who hadn’t much success with the opposite sex. Perhaps I’m stunted by what it takes for a woman to pay attention to you, and scary still is the woman who does after years of trying. The question that could pop into my mind when the unthinkable happens is, “What next?”

Then again who thought the Cubs would finally win a world series by now…

Is a Late Bloomer Allowed Bad Choices…even if on Purpose?

I also consider myself a “late bloomer” and I think you’re allowed good or bad choices. I wouldn’t make the same decisions that “Dateless Man” would. Then again or would I?

My bad choice when it comes to women would be regarding youth. I’ve explored being a so-called “sugar daddy”. Except that I don’t make sugar daddy money so the odds of that is very low. Regardless having been an older student at Mission College among younger students, especially female students I’d still want to thing I can handle this.

Also, I’ve worked with younger women and still do at a grocery store. I’d entertain it although I know that I have to deal with immaturity. No matter how I could relate to women who are say of college age at least I have to accept that yours truly would be too old for them.

So I may judge Dateless Man’s choices, but if he feels it’s worth giving someone who isn’t his type an opportunity he should. I may not do that so easily, however, I have my own wants when it comes to women.

What do you think?

The New Adventures of Dateless-Man!

Once again a month has gone by without another installment from the Dateless-Man. It seems to commonly happen around the summer for various reasons; I’d been faithful about typing up at least one post a month since July 2018, when I’d missed that June. Granted, that was also the month where things regarding my still unresolved eviction battle with the slumlord started to hit full steam. I am pleased to see so many new readers are checking out what I usually dub “My Lonely Man Blog.” While most of you are from the United States, WordPress’ tabulators are detecting hits from Canada, the U.K. and even India! I guess it shows that some of the issues I have are truly universal for some men, and people in general. Anyway, we’re more than midway past August so I’d better whip something up now!

As much as it is difficult to focus…

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GQ: What It’s Like to Be an “Old” Virgin

You can count me in as one of those people who have remained a virgin later in life. In my case I just haven’t found the right one, and to be honest I’ve always beleived in finding the right one. Actually I fell in for finding the one and got quickly rejected….

All the same there are a number of people out there who had experienced what I experienced and in some cases as noted in GQ they lost it later also. Some were underwhelmed, some lost it to an escort, and some just got it over with. I find myself wondering where I will find myself once the right one came along.

I hope I won’t fall into the camp of just getting it over with. Hopefully I can feel genuine attraction and companionship with the women I’d do it with.

Don Jon

Don Jon

Don Jon

This isn’t a huge secret, even though I worked at a theater I still chose to go elsewhere and pay to watch a movie. It was something that a certain character found a reason to chide me for, however, I chose going to other theaters as opposed to supporting the one I worked for. At one point in time this is what I chose to do and based upon my own treatment at a job as time went on.

With this said, one year one of the movies I saw on my off day away from The Show was Don Jon which was the directorial debut of it’s star in the title role Joseph Gordon-Leavitt. It featured a young man who goes to confession, goes to the club with his boys, and loves women. However an important feature of this movie is that he likes to watch porn.

During the course of this picture Jon engages in sexual relations with three women. The first two – one of whom becomes his girlfriend – he ducks out of bed to watch porn as he’s still unsatisfied after having sex with them. One girl was a one-night stand so, probably understandable, the other his girlfriend well now we see the start of trouble in paradise.

The girlfriend named Barbara has a very defined idea of what a man is to her. She’s willing to try to turn Jon into that man. For example she encourages him to leave his service job and attend classes at a local college where ironically he meets the next woman Esther whom he becomes intimate with later and ultimately is the next girlfriend. The porn she caught him watching and ultimately decides to leave him over once he lies to her about it became a sticking point.

Bottom line is that Barbara as his girlfriend doesn’t fulfill him the way the milf he meets at the college eventually does. Barbara doesn’t even like the fact that he’s happy cleaning his own pad deeming it as not sexy. Jon acquiesces to this, but essentially she’s turning him into something he probably wouldn’t recognize. He eventually realizes that his view of sex and relationships with women in addition to Barbara’s re-engineering is only proving to be one-sided.

Barbara is the type who believes a man should give up everything for his woman. She doesn’t have to give much in return. Perhaps that’s why I’m hesitant to involve myself with women who will be the one who’ll give as much as I would want to give. Perhaps I myself am self-centered when it comes to relationships. In my inexperience, I don’t know what I’d have to give up to be in a relationship (and yes I know one thing I could say goodbye to my own freedom which I’ve only begun to appreciate now).

With this said, Esther is a milf who finally satisfies Jon who finds that he doesn’t need porn for gratification. He had to learn from Esther that satisfaction has to be mutual it can’t be one sided. Crudely put a man can’t just give a woman the “D” and not put in much work. On the other hand a woman can’t just lay there and take it and think that’s all there is. Both the man and the woman have to satisfy each other.

It’s funny that even as a virgin, I can see the point of this. It was apparent to Jon’s sister what Barbara was trying to do it brings the point home of the ways Jon was unfulfilled. And it’s interesting that it took an older woman who suffered her own tragedies to realize the folly of his relationships with women.

Perhaps, the day I find that woman who satisfies me in more ways than one – not just sexually of course – is the day I think I found someone worth while. Too bad to find this fabled women only could get very difficult as time beats on.

Continue reading

Online dating

cellphone cellular communication connection

I sent a couple of messages to a couple of women whom I’m connected with on facebook and they just so happened to have attended that all-girls Hillman College near my own. Now in some instances I’ve done this in the past find some girl I’m connect with on facebook who attended that school on a dating app and then try to contact them.

Often nothing seems to come of it however. A few of them I was just too slow on. Some might respond but otherwise generally nothing really comes of it. Perhaps trade a few messages before either one of us just tapers off and we stop. Of course as the man it’s always important for me to keep the interest going. And the main thing is to turn the key so that I could get something out of it and no I don’t mean sex.

I ried with one girl who might have taken a quick trip to Chicago recently. She was a teacher who actually lived in Chicago at one point and then from what I could tell moved to Georgia later. I think I’ve actually seen her around on campus during my time there and even graduated the same year as yours truly. However when she finally messaged me back she hit me with only a hi so I could try to keep this going but since I’ve also decided she’s really not all that…. NEXT!!!!

The other one was much older though both of these women are in their 30s. From what I can tell on facebook she’s educated with her PhD. I also see that she’s very tall and I’m a shorty so that’s an uphill battle already. Knowing me if she makes note of it – if she’s the mouthy type at any age – then I could turn around and state how much I like that she’s taller. There are plenty of petite women walking around the tall or curvy women one just doesn’t see them often enough.

All the same she gives me a more enthusiastic response. She explains how short her trip to Chicago was and the weather. Now I’m curious where she calls home while she’s not traveling. And I wonder if she really likes the cold weather.

I could talk to her, and hope that perhaps she wants to accelerate things. Of course I’m dealing with a woman in her thirties she might have a very different agenda from mine personally. The older you are I feel as if the more time you take in deciding who you want to be with. Me, I’m a virgin and since I have very little experience with women perhaps I am in a rush to be with someone. It needs not be sex of course just to be able to say I got someone and perhaps I have to plan for the time when it turns out that it won’t last.

Both of these women I found on a dating app and just decided to just find a way to make a plunge. I could note this is how I knew they were in Chicago, unfortunately I have no way of knowing if they saw my profile and chose to swipe left. Perhaps to message them when they’re on my friends list is too simple a gamble. There’s a huge possibility that it could backfire as most women even if they post their social media links might get funny if a man tried to contact them off the dating app.

Another thing I might be concerned about is how I used facebook back when they had the poke function. I was able to connect with plenty of young women that way especially when the site first got popular. Some of my activities, especially with those women I had liked even if I never saw them personally gained me a reputation among some young women at “Hillman”. Perhaps even my reputation with Nicole at one point may have given me a not very good reputation.

Sooooo, it’s possible I need a newer dating pool of available women. On the other hand in order for me to get out there I’d have to take some risks. It means I should connect with those “Hillman” women and it also means I have to connect with women outside of that. Still however you approach dating it remains hard. It was hard to get out there as a teenager, especially if you might have had some high standards and little idea about dating. It’s especially hard now that I’m getting older…

Anyway, perhaps this strategy of trying to use a personal connection might be the trick, but as things seem to have happened over the years expect some disappointments.

Adventures in online dating

cellphone cellular communication connection

It’s addicting to swipe right or left on either Tinder or Bumble and of course as happens with both sites what you hope to find you really don’t. As it happens you might want to make something happen, but it’s also up to them to make something happen. Someone else could capture their attention and they go ghost. Another thing could happen is what you’re looking for (in my case love) is not exactly what they’re looking for.

I’ve ran into women who are looking for some business relationship (and no it’s not outright sexual). I matched with one young lady who was looking for a photographer. So still one really has to discern who might get them close to love or sex.

As it happens when it comes to women in real life or online I’ve made some mistakes with online dating. I’ve learned you can make a move too quickly asking questions about jobs or getting in touch via social networking. In another case I’ve learned you can make a mistake bragging about your future career goals – ex. a young woman who seems successful herself unmatched me once I expressed the goal of “running the place” (referring to my current job).

Anyway, there was one recent exchange with a 19-yr-old girl. She’s beautiful with a nice set of lips and I’ve been dreaming of snagging a 19-yr-old girl then the old man kicks in. A thirty-something making out with a teenaged girl, I don’t know how I feel about that. I can still say I kissed a girl for the first time, however, I’ll probably be seen as a creepy old man taking advantage of a very young woman.

However, I’ll admit that the conversation with her is interesting. She seems quite sarcastic or sassy, but strangely enough she’s giving me rope to hang myself so to speak. She could’ve unmatched me and at times I give her ammunition to just end the exchange. Somehow she hasn’t and has remained available on Tinder. I send a msg she would respond. Not sure how to play this, but with the age difference I have to avoid directly turning this into a relationship. Perhaps she’s not ready for what I’m looking for, and I may have to keep this friendly more than anything. It would be cool to meet her though.

Finally a funny thing happened on Bumble this month. A young lady from a nearby suburb matched with me and asked me about my perfect day. I replied with being with someone I truly care about and doing some of the things I enjoy doing. Then noted what kinds of foods I like to eat, I noted Italian food and then she notes she likes Italian food. Then in a first with my experience with online dating shares a pic of her boobs.

Those knockers with nice areolas were a bit scrunched and hanging over what appeared to be a Mickey Mouse shirt. I feel as if she jumped the gun as far as showing off her assets, and when it happened I acted like a huge nerd. Regardless I can say some woman on a dating app has deemed me worthy enough of showing her goods!

Kant: The 40 year old Virgin

To be honest, I wish I had taken philosophy more seriously in college. I took a few courses in political theory, however, I don’t recall much Immanuel Kant. I’ve heard the name somewhere for sure though not sure if it was while at “Mission College”.

This comic was interesting enough for me to share with you all.

Is a lady’s virginity more important than that of a man? Does virginity, whether for females or males a guarantee success in marriage? These and so many more questions arose after a seemingly controversial topic on the *Benefits of Virginity*.

via Male’s Virginity – Is it really necessary? — Simply Answers