wedding season

going backwards in time just a tad from going away to "mission college". very recently my brother shared some pics of his family. this month he's celebrating his 17th wedding anniversary. the year he married he returned to college and finished his baccalaureate degree. he also gained admission to a law school in texas and after getting married would move there.

you know what this means he's getting married and i have to join his wedding party. it was expected i suppose, but never something i wanted to do. perhaps it was the introversion as i knew eyes would be on me. well not entirely but my family both sides definitely had their expectations.

funny party was that i danced with someone at the wedding and cousin natalie who came up for the festivities just decided to force herself to giggle at every unfunny thing i said. wasn't in the mood for her no matter what. even funnier still no one laughed at a random remark she made upon learning i was going to a bar to meet with an uncle – who for some reason was absent from my brother's wedding. and i wasn't going by myself my mother and two other uncles were coming. i was still underage at the time.

now to set up what happened way before the wedding my brother and i had been at odds. my time in community college was a bit of a struggle, i wasn't working and my brother chose to ding me on both at the time. he saw something wrong with the picture. perhaps there was – and yes he was coming on too strong – at the same time well i was a bit aimless at the time. my brother never gave me something to work with at the time, no one did other than their expectations.

my mother during this period randomly suggest "don't you want to join the national guard?" not sure where this came from and besides i wasn't sure what i wanted to do, got this college thing stuck in my head. though ironically enough i did speak to the navy that summer, but never made a move at all. funny thing is we did discuss this and she was somewhat involved with my meetings with recruiters from the armed services, however, her expectation as wrong as it turned out to be at the time was that i'd be very successful in college.

soon the wedding was over and the "pretensiousness" of the new couple were moving to a whole other state. no more ceremony, pomp & circumstance, family, or even snooty bridesmaids. time to get back to reality.

which reminds me, during the course of that year after my brother and i had a serious falling out wholly unnecessary might i add i called an uncle who lived in virginia. we talked for a couple of hours and suggested at random that i come out there – perhaps a week, perhaps a summer. then i told my mother. became a whole drama that in small ways i attempted to quell.

didn't happen that way! my mother brought it at random to her sister in-law when i told her to "keep your mouth shut". then we went up to visit a great-aunt in wisconsin and it came up again. this time i said nothing but i really had no intention on talking about it. but it was something very exciting and again another expectation that i would go out east to visit with him.

my mother even told people at work and as i handed her my resume to look at just quickly changed subjects saying "you won't do what i ask you to do" quickly pivoting to making reservations to head out east. she mentioned someone at work asked her about the trip and my mother well had no answer as i was still at home and the summer was almost over.

my thinking on why i didn't just go out to visit my uncle. it may have had little to do with the fact that my mother starting talking about it. at the time i thought about money i had my savings account but it would be my first trip without my mother since my dad passed away. she would've paid for the ticket to go out there, however,, what else would i have to contribute. i suppose the random mentions of this when i least expected damped my interest…

one finally coup de grace was claudine my retired military officer aunt who started to take an interest in this. early that summer – before my brother's nuptials – my mother met claudine and her daughter in our southern hometown. at the time claudine lived in maryland and she was already talking about sites we could visit there.

and my thought really was i was out there to visit my uncle not you. what are you doing getting involved with me going out there and trying to convince me to come out. claudine even went so far as to note "you better come out here, the summer is almost over". she wanted me to come out there and made the same level of effort as mu mother.

meanwhile my uncle was silent we never talked about me coming out there at least since the phone call. he didn't encourage me one way or the other he put the idea out there and the women in the family after knowing about it started working on me. essentially it didn't work as i wanted to discourage this behavior.

btw, i never figured out how claudine found out about it. perhaps her and her brother talked about it or perhaps my mother brought it up to her at random. she decided to put on her own pressure. other than that the summer of that wedding, was laregely uneventful

direction

Happy_woman_ih9lnw

i’ve started to realize sometimes i have little idea how to turn something in my direction. especially when speaking with women online on these dating sites.

if i move too fast the convo will go nowhere and i don’t get a date at all. if i don’t make any moves then i still get nothing especially if she won’t make a move. of course aggressive women are a different story altogether.

elise and i have been texting for a while and suggested we do lunch. well at this point we still haven’t gotten together. still working on her but we’re still having a casual convo with our smartphones.

jennifer – the plus sized girl getting her PhD – well i’m very tempted to ask if she dates at all. one problem she doesn’t live anywhere near chicago. i’m also very tempte d to offer to get her up closer to me for a day or so. a graduate student should have time to unwind in another part of the country. 😛

i have to figure out how to get comfortable enough with these women to move somthng forward into my direction. that direction could be anything to a relationship or sex. i  haven’t had many role models and at that many guys my age are doing their thing on dating scene and also as married men with children.

i got to break through because i’m looking for that girl to squeeze and hopefully i can know fatherhood at least before i turn 40.

stats

at various points during my “adulthood” i’ve only fantasized about my happily ever after. finding her, settling down, getting hitched although not entirely concept of the road to getting there. this had been something i wanted but had put nothing towards getting there.

now, perhaps it’s a lot more difficult for me to get there. i had done what i thought was right by waiting, however, i never dated. now i’m one of many eligible men who may well be looking for a mate but in a bad environment.

then there’s this:

And that brings me to another point: Who in the HELL said that all men MUST be married by a certain age, or at all. I think it’s a sign of common sense for a man to say that he’s not going to commit his life to a woman until he’s ready and sure. Also, I think it’s a sign of emotional intelligence for a man to say that he doesn’t know IF he wants to be married and he just wants to go with the flow and see what materializes. And I really respect dudes that are self-aware enough to realize that they don’t want to be married at all, because making your significant other’s life hell just to appease social norms is ignorant and stupid.
to be sure i’ve had issues with the whole dating issue. i’ve had people who decided to cheap shot me saying they needed to get me laid. a lot of people have had the need to needle me on this issue.
yes i realize this article is about marriage not sex. a lot of men out there are about the nookie not necessarily keeping a mate. i suppose this is never what i wanted and there are quite a few people i met who never seem to understand that. or perhaps they’d respect me if i’ve actually dated. if i’ve dated i’d get nookie.
at the same time, i realize that there are those young men who only think about nookie. think that’s the only goal, even think that every man should seek it. in fact i seems getting nookie is a right of passage for any man. does it have to be?
no more than getting married and having children before you’re truly ready. at the same time you’re wanting to have adult relationships with members of the opposite sex.

to meet someone organically

we’re in that period when people have to give up something for a month. it could be smoking, drinking, anything. then i read this story about how a man met his wife.

what happened was that according to him he was fasting from dating. then she appeared and there were many connections such as being from the same state with the same mentality in addition to both being christian. it seems they were destined to being together.

the man wasn’t looking for her and then she arrives on the scene they became good friends. then she was about to join the peace corp only for it to work out. he doesn’t know that yet but he was like wait i really like you and want you to stay around. it was meant to be for them to actually be together.

it’s a good story i wanted to share. perfect for valentine’s day and hopefully inspiration for those of you who are seeking as i am. and also recognize, sometimes it just happens out of nowhere things like this. if you seek out love it seemingly hard.