Streak Era pre-game 2012

This was the year that I began job hunting as ultimately The Show really became a dead end for a variety of reasons. For one it was becoming apparent I wasn’t getting along with the mean girls of $h!tplace and this enabled the Fiend to get into my head even further. My income definitely wasn’t going up as long as I stayed there as my wages were stuck at the prevailing minimum wage at the time. Of course they were stuck at whatever hours mgmt set for regular workers at the time.

Socially I was $h!t to a lot of people, there were some allies however for a good period of time I wasn’t in the right state of mind perhaps until finally leaving The Show. If it seems as if you have to just about fight almost everybody at anytime it’s not a good environment for anybody. Just make a plan and leave in that case or mgmt might decide to side with those who really were causing problems and they eliminate you from the workplace. Strangely enough that rarely happened usually threats but nothing more perhaps mgmt liked easy scapegoats.

Anyway that year started with a bang and calmed down for a bit then summer explodes with issues. Almost like the previous year with Missy who after some time she just left me alone. Pushing her back gets her angry, ignoring her makes her angry, complying satisfies her, however, it may ultimately cause more issues. Especially if she’s willing to run to mgmt for any and all issues because well she did call herself a b!tch.

What an odd year and yet I wasn’t entirely ready to face that it was time to leave. To the Fiend’s credit it was his idea that I pursue the mgmt opportunity at a neighborhood cinema, which fell apart. Not only the prospects of getting the job, but the company itself later that fall.

To be honest looking at the job description before he approached me on this I was like not ready. However, Anthony to his credit said go for it. “You got the experience” he stated. So I went for it and just thought of it as my escape hatch and well you know the rest of the story.

However by the end of the year, I just decided it was time to leave of course it still took over two years from the time of my very first interview of the streak era in August 2012 until October 2014 when I finally got a job offer with Gotham Bank. And interestingly enough that era was started with a mgmt interview with the neighborhood cinema to ending with a mgmt interview with the national theater chain.

Long story short 2012 could be a year of calamity, however, not the year that 2017 became. I consider 2017 more of a calamity because what happened back then actually hurt as it was 180 degrees from how that year started.

I wrote about a crisis a few years ago and further explained it some time later. I feel as if the crisis was created more by the influence of Anthony who often didn’t mind stating that he felt I didn’t belong at The Show. At the same time I wish it was more apparent that it was time to leave The Show as nothing much was going on there to advance me further than where I was.

The time to make a change as slow as it turned out has begun. It’s just hard to believe a lot of these events happened a decade ago!

Diversion

imageI’ve been trying to write this post for quite a while now. It’s something of a continuation of what I’ve been talking about for most of this year. Anthony’s strange campaign shortly before the Reign of Error to just change jobs to chase more money at another grocer.

I’ve identified possibly the moment when he opened the door to that which was when a few days before Christmas he picked me up from the house so that he can go look at car on a Friday December day five years ago. We were on our way to the western suburbs when I started talking about a Finer Foods store that has just opened on the south side of the city that year.

Out of nowhere during this ride he just asks “Whatever happened with that?” I knew what he meant and simply tried to deflect that I told him years ago. He simply said remind him and basically gave a shorthand version of why it didn’t work back then. He nods as if he hears me but I get the feeling he really wasn’t listening he was getting something out of this.

Little did I know on that day that this was only the beginning. And it leads what happened a bit later on. Did Anthony bring this up because never had closure from what happened in 2014 when he tried to get me on board with Finer Foods.

Of course for the following campaign I’ve had to come to a few other conclusions which I have also discussed during the course of the year.

To start, why did Anthony seem to want me back in “Streak Era” mode? Why did wages become such a sticking point for me to move on to Finer Foods?

I think the Fiend liked thinking he can influence people to get them to do things that doesn’t suit the subject, but in fact suit him. Anthony stated for the record once that yours truly was making good money at the Hole and in the interest of getting promoted to a mgmt position per his own comments I was talking about getting promoted to buy/receive. Once that became a subject and a real possibility then here comes the “if you come to Finer’s you’d make more money.”

Of course the longer I associated with him the more data collected. One thing that could be seen is that he will expose his real thoughts and opinions. He could only temper them for so long and he couldn’t help but bring up some negative episodes as I sought to make some positive changes in my own life. Perhaps in making an issue of Finer’s this was his way of reminding me that I still failed to get a job at his store back when I was still job hunting to leave The Show.

It was never directly stated but that type of thinking has been exposed in the past. However, the expectation the idea perhaps his attempt at Inception that I would just jump up and leave one good job for an opportunity for a few more pennies really exposes his own strategy. Since he left The Show I can probably count on one hand how many jobs he claimed to have.

To leave the show in fall 2013 he did security, then he went to Finer’s, then he was at this homegoods store, then he worked at some warehouse near O’Hare then he was disabled and started begging for money again, and then back to Finer’s again. When I finally ran into him unexpectedly at a hardware store he was in his security uniform. Surely I’ve only scratched the surface but those are what I know about if his own “resume” is correct.

Another thing I have recognized is that he had a sense of envy over my own progress at the Hole. I was very honest about him with my progression and wages. He seemed OK with it and of course enough to still come and beg occasionally back then. However, it still threw me off that he decided to offer that I’d make more money elsewhere. I should’ve done what he did with me when suggesting to others that they come to Fresh Foods “and do what with it?”

As stated in another post would making the switch for a few pennies more have only resulted in yours truly doing the same thing I have already been doing. Would I still have been working in the deli section having acquired no new skills? What exactly would I be leaving Fresh Foods for to begin with?

On top of that he had stated that he took the job at Fresh for some insurance benefits for his youngest son (the same son he blew up my phone for at least $100 which he’s failed to pay back). He’s supposed to be a negotiator right? So when he tells me how much he made at Finer’s his numbers weren’t that much better than mine. So yeah why exactly would I be thinking about jumping ship?

Ahhhh perhaps the envy might be in his words I have no overhead. No rent, no utilities, no girlfriend, no children, and just enough money for him to mooch off of when he needs it. He definitely weaseled his way into a position where he could get it. When he wants something he can just be determined he doesn’t stop.

Think about it he tried to call my phone a number of times over almost a two year period before he stopped. He thought he was free to write on my facebook page trying to reach out. He thought he can comment on my instagram until I blocked him and mistakenly I believed he had very little interest in that platform. He was determined to reach out at a time when I opted not to reach back and all I had to consider was all the data connected when he wanted to connect.

Needless to say I let that situation go on for far too long and that’s only served to further expose his true feelings about yours truly if what I’m hearing second hand is correct. The way he does like to go in on people he might still be sociable with is saying something. No integrity, no discretion unless it suits him, just a perpetually miserable person in general. To have him connected with me didn’t make me much better as a person.

Long story short I think of his Finer’s campaign during the calamitous 2017 as a diversion. Perhaps he wanted to distract me from the goals I had set upon that year. Of course what I do have to note is that I ran into some setbacks little did I know that hustled me out of the Hole very quickly. It was just a strange and a bad year for me. I do like to think I came back from it ultimately, however, it probably would’ve been a dark year had I made one decision in 2018. If I had responded to his initial attempts at contact when he called from a new number.

So let me finally state I feel as if his attempts at a diversion was to take me off my game at the time. Where I was there was some contentedness on my end and perhaps that didn’t suit him. The money whatever he thought that would be for me wasn’t enough. What was enough was a new boss who turned things upside down as it turned out.

However all that diversion did was another piece of data that caused me later to pull further back away from him. He may not realize this and probably will never recognize this, however, I’ve arrived at the point where he hasn’t earned an explanation not from my voice. And in the long run I just don’t think it doesn’t matter with him, he’ll only continue doing what he’s been doing.

Also you can add this link to this discussion as far as what ultimately led me to cutting all ties to the Fiend. If the Climax of the Reign of Error would have never happened who knows if I’d have finally done the deed to cut ties. For that time I tied myself to what I was doing at the Hole and it was unthinkable that things would go that direction and yet it did. Do I really want to maintain contact with someone who’s perpetually miserable that he’d really ride this to only say that I should’ve listened to him? I’m pretty sure that would happen.

November 2017

This month I had two interviews after the Climax of the Reign of Error. Both were with the national theater chain and especially the cinema that’s referred to as the Dine-in Show I formerly worked for the previous year 2016. Neither one panned out as far as a job.

One hiring manager for the Dine-In Show seemed a bit funny speaking with a former coworker there who in spite of my statements noticed that the hiring manager jotted down in his noted my “limited availability”. To be honest that wasn’t a good interview and neither was the other one I had with a cinema that was closest to the Hole. The manager there was a difficult read though as always I kept up my optimism.

Remember what I have been talking about for most of 2021. Earlier in ’17 I had to hear a relatively insistent barrage of Anthony telling me that “if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money”. One time I snapped at him because even after talking learning buying he still found a way to inject that quote in the convo. Of course there were two other instances where he found a way to bring this up, the last time was during the time where he wanted to borrow some money asking out of nowhere “are you thinking about JUMPING SHIP YET?”

To be fair I’m not sure where this was coming from. And I’m sure that his campaign which started long before Fresh Foods and even Finer’s started making some changes had to have been out of not really being able to let go of what happened about three years earlier when he tried to get me on at his store. It was very strange to have to explain myself again and I had difficulty explaining myself to him years earlier because he was more determined to $h!t on me for not doing everything possible to get an interview let alone get a job. Really oblivious to the fact that it’s hard to worry a hiring if they’ve just immediately showed you how much of a priority you were.

Anyway, after leaving the Hole I had applied to a few outposts for Finer’s and even a few subsidiaries. Just like a few years earlier when I did actually interview with Finer’s at a hiring office on the north side of town it seemed like there were some extra steps to even get an interview. They wanted me to call some number in order to schedule an interview. Well allow me to be irresponsible here, but I’m so glad I saved my money and even the last bit of compensation from Fresh to have no sense of urgency to have to work at Finer’s.

Another thing to consider is that unlike the streak era where Anthony wanted to be all over me finding a job away from The Show – even going so far to try to offer advice that wasn’t very conducive to me finding a job elsewhere – that I didn’t want to involve him. That’s why I had a communications blackout with him in the first place because I really didn’t want to tell him about the climax. I didn’t want him to know about the drama and how it consumed me and hear his own negative opinions about it.

Besides now I wanted to find something else and while at that point it wasn’t about making it to the next level I also knew his job leads likely won’t be that great. They weren’t great in the first place and in thinking about the references episode I got the feeling he would find a way to hold me back.

Another consideration with the Finer’s deal was the difficulty in getting hired back in 2014. Anthony’s insistence on me going to his store and the difficulty with that and his own response to what happened. It was enough for me to back away although later on he still tried to get me back to that. It was strange and odd and perhaps just his way of going back to the past because he never fully was able to let it go.

I feel as if from the summer of ’17 through the holidays after the climax just set the tone for the blackout and ultimately me cutting ties to the man I know refer to as the Fiend. My situationship with him hardly was of any major benefit to me. It might have helped get me an interview to be a cinema mgr or even his insistence might have helped me stay focused on leaving The Show. At the same time it was a lot of negativity and retreads and even some bad leads and worse still we just were never going to be on the same page.

He always had his own ideas which he thought was a better idea as evidenced by his earlier comment before that campaign that “I think you’ll like Finer’s better!” I rejected that immediately only for him to throw in the money deal. Which I can’t tell you for certain if he was right.

Could it be the union? I’ve heard the union for Finer’s isn’t that great. I always though make more money means negotiating and Anthony had sold himself as a great negotiator and found out that his pay wasn’t that much better than mine. I mean just about $100 or $200 more than mine which causes me to think is he getting any benefits because I know he doesn’t care about benefits. And it causes me to wonder if he was lying about going to Finer’s for benefits for his own son – which he borrowed money that summer for.

I suppose for me while I was still at Fresh Foods I didn’t have a concept of how much “more” money Finer’s could offer to pay me. In reality I wasn’t interested but who knows they would have to offer some game changing money that for whatever reason Ant wasn’t getting when he was working for them.

At least for me before the climax the bet I was making was that a new position in buying would get me closer to that game changing money. We also saw how that worked out although I was working towards that Ant turned around and started talking about jumping ship. Like I said we were on entirely two different pages and we just were never going to be even remotely on the same planet.

Anyway to round this up I was looking at cinemas, retail, temp agencies or even transportation. I was looking at railroads especially, wouldn’t mind being a conductor or engineer and I do like to travel. Of course I know about the scheduling it probably could be a struggle.

Imagine being called up at any time to go to work. Sometimes it might be daytime or sometimes it might be nighttime. And transportation runs 24/7 although now is probably a good time to get into that industry as I know truck drivers are in demand. Who knows the air, rail and shipping industries are looking for people too. Hopefully that will involve game changing money as well.

Meanwhile as far as November 2017 goes I just had to stay optimistic….

Election Night 2016: time suckers SHOOT

Feels like the right time to revisit this episode from over five years ago. I can connect this with the last convo I ever really had with The Fiend and it turned into such an ordeal in my humble opinion. I think in both cases we just needed someone to talk to and for me in my last convo with him he wasn’t just not as willing to talk or listen as I feel as if I was on Election Day.

I may have been looking for reassurance because what led to the last convo I considered a bit triggering. It wasn’t so much that he just couldn’t empathize in that moment it was that he was in no mood to really listen to my thoughts on it. It’s one thing if it wasn’t something he really wanted to touch, however, in the months leading up to it he was mentioning a subject that was more or less a no-no for me. And at that for me to take on that subject I thought was a no-no for him however as stated in yet another post this was yet another way to further his own negativity.

Now as far as election night 2016 I don’t know what he was looking for other than to rant even as he was patrolling a grocery store parking lot on the graveyard shift. As far as I remember we never really talked about that election that year. It was a most unusual election and the results was for many unexpected. Perhaps he took an outcome for granted and it freaked him out very easily.

I think he really exposed his own hell, fire, and brimstone alarmism on a night where I was just ready to call it a night. I didn’t have the same type of alarm that he did as far as who was winning. When I think about it, just wasn’t sure where that election was going just knew that neither candidate for President appealed to me though it appears Anthony had picked a horse and wasn’t happy.

He chose me to call and repeatedly referred to the man who became President-elect a racist, rapist and declared there was going to be a race war. He also declared that he was going to move to Canada and this country is screwed. I was not in the mood for a real political discussion and definitely didn’t want to engage with someone who was very upset and unglued. While trying to have a balanced approach I told him the other candidate wasn’t all that he just stated that “we’d be screwed even less under her”. This was when I asked if we could change the subject and he agreed.

Of course we talked about a range of subjects in that moment but here’s where the convo just went into a strange direction. He asked if I saw the latest Marvel Comics picture Dr. Strange. When I answered in the affirmative then he asked “who did I go with?” When I answered no one he launched into a strange lecture about how I needed to start dating or all the women will start laughing at me – oh right that’s encouragement.

He noted that I was a loner “which is just fine with you” but I “make good money so you really don’t have an excuse”. He made a pitch for me to again use PoF.com. I just said OK as if to say this convo isn’t going any further and he had to keep it going “I know what that means. Give me one reason why you can’t do it.” I didn’t give him a reason just my typical way of dealing with something like this is to say hardly anything as if to say I’ll consider it.

To give some background he knows I like to go to the movies but as a “mentor” it was important for me to take someone to the movies. That was his priority, why I have no clue as stated many times on this blog he’s a disappointed father that’s his schtick. I just think in his mind he feels like what suits him is for me to have some female companionship. On the other hand while he claims to get a lot of action with the ladies to one time graphically telling me one sexual encounter with a grandmother during that period I just see a man who’s just single and chasing pu$$y not really companionship.

Aside from the fact that since I cut ties now he later became engaged. YaY him as long as he’s serious which I suspect he probably isn’t but that’s not my business anymore.

Anyway as for PoF.com he’s mentioned that site to me before. When we were still working at The Show we were regularly taking the train back to the south side from work and he would start mentioning that site frequently. His main selling point was to predict that “you could get laid by next week“. As far as how his campaign went I just wasn’t interested. I checked out the site and saw nothing I really wanted to connect with out there.

I usually just demurred and stated that I didn’t see the point and I liked connecting with women who went to school at Hillman College. Well not specifically Hillman I was more referring to connecting with women on Facebook before they had their own dating services. He was not deterred it was his mission to get me to connect with a woman as me being a man without a woman was just an issue for him.

He would at that point probably 2012-13 just would follow up with me. Did you finish your profile? Did you upload a profile pic? I usually just said no and probably cited finances as far as why I just didn’t have much interest. For those of you who have kids, you put on the pressure then you find out how uninterested the kids are in your ideas here’s a good example.

Anyway until election night 2016 he brought up PoF.com again and as it turned out for the last time. The difference between 2016 and just about four years earlier was that this time he dropped the sales tag of you could be laid by next week to just get a date and get you some female companionship before you turn 40.

However, as far as me not having much success with women he couldn’t help but continue to take his shots. Even kept mentioning the name of one young lady he insisted I take to a comedy show at a downtown theater which fell apart because I just wasn’t into it. He wanted to keep blaming me for what happened with that until I saw the confused look on his face with no further answer beyond “you blew it with her.” The look on his face was basically I’m no longer buying that answer and he knew it. He ultimately left it alone.

Anyway let’s turn this 180 degrees and discuss how he ranted about some women near the end of our convo. First I had to listen to him rant about the elections now I had to hear a rant about how he was talking to a woman over time and some other woman he knew decided to interfere with the motive that “she was lonely and she didn’t want her girlfriend to have anyone“. My advice which I hope was sensible – and could probably be easily ignored by Anthony – was he should just leave them alone which he easily agreed stating that he already has. There I go being a friend to someone who really was no friend of mine.

Anyway what a strange up and down conversation. Frustrating, tiring and a bit long lasting two hours, I didn’t go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. I missed some of the results but that’s OK did some catching up as I wanted to follow this one.

To give you a break down this happened about a month after the episode of The Next to Last Drop. I do hope you follow the original Election Day post.

Also it was election day somewhere in the country on Tuesday, hopefully you did your civic duty.

Climax revisited

Another critical thing that happened this month during the past decade was my dismissal from the Hole. I call that day now and forever the climax of the reign of error. I wrote briefly about one of the after effects of that period which is yet another mgmt change at my former store in my former dept.

I don’t really want to rehash what happened back then although I do have a story to share about that moment. I relate it to what happened during the past few months and note the similarities and differences. However that will be another time.

I have to say that it’s something that I have to take responsibility for as stated here on occasion. I had the wrong boss to play around with and perhaps I was in a situation that perhaps allowed some complacency. It was something that I had taken for granted, however, once a new boss was installed all bets were soon off. It’s like he honed in on something he didn’t like and he pounced immediately. What makes this story laughable was that the situation didn’t work out for him either.

Regardless if anyone wants to think about one cosmic reason for what happened. Why did I “point out”? Why did I have to be late that one last time? Why didn’t mgmt at the Hole from Rog to Morley accept that delay slip from the transit authority? Those are questions that may never be answered. And again this is something I want to cover at a later time.

Long story short, aside from those unanswered questions the “cosmic” reason for this very disappointing result is what I have been talking about since 2018. I’ve already discussed yet another after effect of this era which was my situationship with the Fiend had changed. And I’ve also written what I consider now the strains within what I would now refer to as a very odd friendship.

I feel as if possibly remaining at the Hole even in a somewhat diminished capacity would likely mean that perhaps I’d continue that situationship. More requests for money or even more negativity. Once I started on a new course during that summer he really ramped up his negativity. Even decided to engage in the diversion of trying to get me to leave for his preferred company and “make more money”.

However, if I suffered an unexpected reversal and had no “decent money” coming in why would I help him? Why would I accept a message to call an anonymous person who turned out to be not so anonymous because he merely changed his phone number? I realize a lot of his actions weren’t reasonable overtime and seemed to change with his moods or even his needs. Why did it take me so long to finally do something about it?

Of course I might emphasize there was a strong possibility that I’d have to listen to his negativity about the bull$h!t that happened at the Hole. Perhaps he’d start off positive but knowing his general patterns he’d probably find a way to question me as far as why this happened and how it happened. He’d be a disappointed father who’d determine that I’m unreliable and what happened showed why. Of course this is coming from someone who never had a real plan that hopefully would propel me forward other than chasing other jobs that would provide nothing more than another few cents on top of what I already make anyway.

Well to change the subject slightly with this pandemic and what happened at my current assignment I suffered another reversal. Perhaps it’s only served to put some things into perspective and perhaps to reinforce what I’ve determined since the “climax” which is that a job is nothing more than a means to an end. One can work to earn money however there are other ways, however, while you’re working why not maximize your potential while you’re at a company. If it’s not possible then move on!

What I hoped would work out at the Hole didn’t which I can attribute to my own complacency and the changes occurring in such a short period of time back then. Perhaps that’s a bad habit that I need to really take care of NOW. This was yet a hard lesson I need to take to heart.

The next to last “drop” 2016

I’m still struggling to come up with a final post on the Fiend so I just simply have settled on this story. It will take place just before the episode election day. It was a nice fall day as we’re having currently in Chicago.

Whenever I talk about Anthony the Hustler/Fiend my goal is to tell that story straight. One thing that I striven not to do was to go on the attack against him. Perhaps the various monikers that I have given him including the more frequent ones in addition to a hard-up old man might skirt the line as far as personal attacks. And I also want to note that I strove not to really exaggerate my stories about him. As far as whether or not I was successful in my writings to stay away from attacking I’ll leave up to you all.

The monikers and stories I have written about him are based on my interactions with him. So a lot of what’s written are real life situations. And as stated before you will see a common pattern with what you read and it’s hard to really do anything with a lot of situations. For my purpose it’s just me collecting and analyzing the data.

Around this time in 2016 I answered a call from Anthony. I do recall that he had been calling and texting and for some reason we never did connect. When we finally did I said something sarcastic about not having a sense of urgency in responding or returning his calls. He had to respond to that wondering what’s wrong. In fact it seemed he was making an effort to read me when he did get me on the phone.

As we were talking he seemed to notice my silence as he starts talking frequently asking “What’s wrong”. He noted my lack of sarcasm on my call though usually when I get into that mode he would often get offended and will express it….like a disappointed father. Strangely on this day I was a tad subdued because if he’s somewhat putting on a full court press – not that he was blowing up my phone though he was certainly trying very hard to get in touch with me not like the later episode One Final Drop.

A few times I had to tell him nothing was wrong but if I was silent I was expecting him to get on with the point because I knew there was one. At some point he reached it which he stated “Another reason I wanted to talk to you. I need some money…”

Boo! I stated.

He didn’t understand in this moment that I had objected to his request for money. However I was going to give him some money I just wasn’t at the mode where I got sick of it although this was irritating to me for sure. It’s not like he was doing this frequently but it was enough times that it was on my radar. Up to that point if he’s getting something from me it was a free lunch. Either way to respond to his response to my “Boo” I just simply told him that was my sarcasm that he was waiting for.

We did meet later and he had no money for his lunch. When I asked him if he had anything he just shrugged. Basically I was paying for his lunch and I gave him some as he termed it running around money. He claimed he didn’t have enough money to eat all he got on this day was $100 that I took out of the bank for him. I think I expected him to pay this back later but then there was other money from way back when that I had expected him to pay back.

He infrequently does but sadly there are moments where he might ask to borrow money again. Sometimes money on top of money he already owes. Either way something was wrong with what was going on and I knew it. I mean I already knew it but just not enough will at that time to cut it off.

When we were eating I told him about the episode Petty in full. He would state for the record it shouldn’t have went that far with the House Manager, General Manager and the young woman Kelly. Then at some point he makes reference to me being virgin thinking it was funny stating how I’d fill my girlfriend up covering his smirk with his hand. He knew he was out of line but just didn’t have a filter, he never had a filter. And just like I said that I should’ve left him on the expressway during the summer of 2011 I should’ve got him and left him at that food place we were at and let him figure out where to get his money from.

Either way later on that day he got his money. We take a train back to my house where he left his hoopty. On the way back we were talking about taking martial arts classes he was suggesting something connected with a church that he never gave me info on. Somehow he mentioned that he had been trying to get me to go to his own martial arts school – the one he decided to ask for money where he just simply stated he needs some money – and then I told him ultimately that I didn’t want to go to his martial arts school. He just stopped as he was about to speak probably offended by that but then kept it moving.

I forgot to reference the episode Applications. This was when he stopped at a store near The Show when he saw a job posting looking for workers before the store opens to stock the shelves. He seemed very excited about it and he later utilizing some excuses tried to get me to do his application for that job. Well I didn’t want to do all that work for him on that day.

Then he calls me on the evening of election day upset over the man who won the election. And after I tired of his repetition over who he thought that man who became our president for one-term was. Then we pivoted to other subject including a brief lecture on how I needed to start dating or the women will start laughing at me.

And then we go to the holiday season of 2016. He called me the day before asking if he could bring me with him to look at some cars – basically he was looking for cars via craiglist presumably to replace his hoopty. Anyway he finally paid back some money he borrowed which didn’t include the money I gave him months earlier. He owed me that money for over a year but didn’t consider an extra bill to pay back the “getting around money“.

That little excursion was funny. Our first stop was in the western suburbs and I was talking about a Finer’s store that just opened in the city – and why not talk about it I’m in the industry. Out of the blue he just decided to ask whatever happened with that. I gave him a shorthand story to tell him what happened again and hoped that would be it. Well I’ve been talking about it all year, it escalated to if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money.

We get to a man’s house in the suburbs and he was talking about a part that Anthony could get for a small sum. Anthony didn’t want to hear that thinking he should’ve fixed it himself if it was that easy. He was complaining about a cracked windshield and then saw holes in the trunk lid where a spoiler used to be. He got on the phone to someone telling them about the car, from that call Ant told the man he has to turn it down because he was actually getting it for someone.

As we left the area Anthony asked “You know that was a fake call right?” I didn’t think much of it honestly but he revealed what he just did out there. Just being very slippery and finding a way to get out of making a purchase. Although it sounded like from what he was picking at he didn’t want the car anyway. I guess in my experience sometimes it isn’t easy to just say no.

So anyway that was really the last time I saw him until one day in the spring next year I saw him at the Hole as he was about to watch a movie at the nearby cinema. And I also had a few odd phone calls with him where he runs down some of my more negative episodes at The Show. I’d say from that meeting on a fall day in 2016 is where our “situationship” began to go downhill.

You know here is the kicker. Blame me for allowing such treatment, however, isn’t it odd that in some way you’re being helpful at the same time as time goes on you’re the one being treated like crap. It’s possible he thought his behavior was OK and as per usual I wasn’t willing to say this wasn’t OK. And knowing him I could tell him and he still won’t budge. And then he has a problem as it turns out when I finally just “drop” him. It’s very odd…

Domino revisited

Before I get into this post let me do a bit of housekeeping.

I had been trying to write another post about the Fiend and find myself deleting and rewriting posts. Not sure what else to say about that situation. Anything written will largely just be a reinterpretation of the same story. As stated often I’m still collecting the data however also stated what new will come of it as there is really nothing new to discuss. I’ve not heard from him since 2019 and from that there is nothing new to discuss.

I feel as if the next post about him might be it with him. Yeah it’s been said before but that also means it’s just time to come up with some more material to share on this blog. With that said let me get to the main event of this post.

Another thing to close the loop on is the drama from my former store the Hole. Four years ago next month I was unceremoniously dumped from the Hole based on attendance. In fact Ruthless Roger had snuck up on me in my dept to quietly usher me to store mgmt offices and walked right back out before our store mgr Morley relayed to me the bad news.

Oh let me add I do have a story to tell with regards to a later tardy which I will tell at a later date. It will somewhat explain the sequence of events that led to my separation from Fresh Foods during the Reign of Error/Calamity of 2017.

Either way, I’ve revealed to you all that there were at least three people whom I still have contact with who expressed some “relief” that Morley had gotten let go. One of them even referred to him as a d!ckhead. Another said there is a God. And another still just said they wanted to see the look on his face when he got the bad news.

I don’t have the same anger towards him. If there is they’re directed towards Rog based upon his behavior not long after he arrived in our dept. Morley is part of the story of the Reign of Error because he had to relay the bad news. Morley compared to the other store mgr in the office at the time (he was the one I had unsuccessfully interviewed with to return to the Hole) was less than helpful. This was true when I tried to figure out the “red-tape” about getting a buy/receive position as he was also less than helpful and to be fair I wasn’t that forceful either.

Anyway I get the feeling that Morley wasn’t a very popular boss among many. And I’ve told some statements about some statements he had made towards our dept. For example how are you going to make a statement threatening us with our jobs and do so with a very playful attitude. That seems very insensitive and unprofessional.

With that said a supervisor in my current dept over the summer told me that Morley got let go in 2019 because he had failed a corporate walk and was under investigation for harassment. I don’t know what to say about walks other than I have no idea what a corporate executive – usually from Fresh’s regional HQ – is looking for on their visits. Whatever happened on whatever day that walk occurred it turned into the “green mile” for store mgr Morley. So evidently that walk didn’t go well and possibly that investigation wasn’t found to be in Morley’s favor.

Part of me wanted to really ask how he came across this info, I just decided not to push this any further. This was mind blowing information that I told only one of the three colleagues who had issues with him. That person simply said “fcuk that guy!”

I just told him the story about how yours truly found out Morley was let go and my response and he just told me. I’ve told him of some of my interactions with him though I didn’t tell him about my interactions with him when I was let go.

What I did reference when talking about Morley was not only the story I relayed to you all about what he said to us before a store meeting one morning. Also Morley’s justification for my termination which was as far as that final tardy “no one else was affected by it and corporate never said anything”. This was where that supervisor gave me some advice on this, that I should’ve actually escalated this further.

Well now we can close the book on this for this blog.

Eliminate

One of my long term goals has been to stay away from porn. I would be alright if I never watched a minute of porn as it’s become very perverse to yours truly.

Except that when I take a break from it sometimes I go right back to it. They say you shouldn’t quit something cold turkey except porn ought to be one thing one should quit in such a fashion. We’re not talking about substance abuse we’re talking about something that’s more psychological.

I shared a quick review of this movie from a few years ago called Don Jon which where the title character has largely the same types of issues. He may get the women he wants even had a girlfriend during the course of the movie but is so unsatisfied with his conquests that he turns to porn. The girlfriend had to catch him not once but twice to break up with him because he lied to her. Regardless she made him wait for sex and he was still unsatisfied.

He admitted later that the porn was him being selfish. He thought more of the fantasies he had from watching porn than the actual desires of the women he was with. It took meeting a widowed MILF to train him away from the fantasy of pornography. He realized in order to satisfy his needs he also had to satisfy the needs of his girlfriend.

I suppose after so many years of watching porn I had no issues with the various scenarios men and women find themselves in whether we’re talking threesomes or orgies. I talked about how I liked watching bondage scenes or women doing anal. I also recognize that if you take some of those things in porn into your own bedroom things could get to the point where one could go too far.

I could fantasize about smacking a woman upsider buttocks one time and watch the jiggle of her skin and muscles (or fat sorry ladies) then I get concerned about whether or not I could turn that off. Jack V wants a lifetime companion and lover not a partner who’s scared of him for not knowing where the line is.

So I realize that I need to stay away from porn. My mind need to be on more realistic relations with women. Yes I do desire a wife in the future and hope that we can do adult things as a couple I just hope that there isn’t a point where I could go too far. That’s my worry now and perhaps that makes me a terrified virgin.

My idealized relationship with a woman has always been romantic. I also know there are women who sneeze at that. Not all women seem to want a romantic man and yes I recognize being romantic might not be best at first meeting. However, porn which seems to have a history of cheesy pick up lines once a scene progresses is not the frame of reference I need when trying to build relationships with women.

What I recognize now is that the porn I see now where there are plenty of scenes with women who are pushed to the point where they might need diapers in the future. Or women who are often roughed up, slapped around or even faces contorted by the aggressive hands of a man is not something that is particularly appealing.

What’s also not very appealing about porn are the very alternative expressions of sexuality that now exist in porn. It’s strayed far away from what I started seeing porn for which is two people doing the nasty. There are things that I find perverse that now is just something I just don’t want to see. I steer far away from that content.

Just have to ask myself why it’s so difficult to move on!

Psychology

I’ve had to rewrite this post several times and to be honest it just seems to be a longer post for someone who is no longer considered part of my future. I met the Fiend a decade ago and my “situationship” won’t just be characterized as hell it was just a situation. The situation was just to his liking and he helped created it and yours truly just fell in.

I’ve been told that the Fiend is something of a narcissist. Well I don’t have the means, training, or ability to diagnose him as such. Some aspects of his behavior seems to inform of a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist spectrum. For my own purposes his behavior fall in the line I usually just stop at which is a user.

I do think he looks for people he can get something off of. If you remember he’s said to be engaged to be married. In my humble opinion he does seem to place a lot of value on sex. He wants to know when you lost your virginity and me not having much success or even seeking much success in that area it seems on some level he looks down on me for that. And that’s just a start to perhaps his real feelings about yours truly.

I wish it hadn’t took me this long to recognize that in some way his true feelings about Jack V were never good. It causes me to dispel the notion that we were ever friends. The fact that we even got close was because more than likely there was something in it for him. It could be a ride home or money from me for his needs.

It hits me that I can call him the Hustler because he wanted something. The Fiend is everything else perhaps his reasoning for why he had such a low opinion of me in reality. There were times he told me that he liked me personally and on the other hand he outrights lets me know his true thoughts about me. His true thoughts let me know that he looks at me in the worst ways.

I feel as if I encountered such behavior before perhaps in school. The Fiend will just discard you until you’re needed and it’s not about a final score. Perhaps that’s why when I started my blackout, he continued to try establishing further contact. I’m sure in spite of his negative notions about me, he just had a problem with me not responding to him. Perhaps it was my duty to respond when he comes calling.

Just consider a post I did earlier this summer hearing about him really talking about yours truly to another ex-coworker. He’s probably upset that in his words with no contact that I just dropped him.

Another way of looking at this is that perhaps the negativity he drops onto yours truly is really the negativity he feels himself. This same coworker believes the Fiend has some of his own issues with self-hate. Perhaps he hates his own background (possibly racial), has his own inadequacies (sexual or financial) or just hates his situation in general. All I can say at this point is that all of them are only his problem as far as Jack V is concerned.

I’ve been hearing that the wedding for the Fiend is now off because he couldn’t help but cheat. Not sure if this can be verified independently, however, if that’s truly what’s going on it’s no surprise. Anthony did show that he has a roving eye drooling over women he views as attractive. He states matter of factly how he can manipulate women into having sex with him – like it’s normal – and he portrays himself as not above satisfying his needs with women who are already in a relationship.

Also stated before I just don’t think he has any true idea about being in relationships romantic or friendship. I do think he’s a user whether for material things or just to satisfy his own needs. Beyond that perhaps it’s possible that in reality he’s just a lot more lonely than he realizes.

Oh yeah forgot one final piece to his psychology. Dominance and control are my favorite two terms as part of his fiend persona. One time we were talking and I got smart with him and he raised his voice with “DUDE!” because while I have to tolerate his personality he often can’t seem to tolerate mine. And his next statement was “If you don’t do it to your mother don’t do it to me.”

That was something when he feels as if I’m out of line he started saying. If you don’t do it to your mother why would you do it to me. My response was exactly how I began to read it.

“You’re not my dad” I responded. And he gets defensive saying “I didn’t say that”. The bottom line is that his personality quirk of dominance dictate that I have to treat him as if he was above me. I’m his lesser than and he more often than not conducted himself accordingly with yours truly.

And I consider that fact kind of hilarious when I recognize now that in the very beginning he chased me down and not the other way around. He gave me a reason to steer clear and he continued to come around until he got what he sought. And I didn’t do much pushing back even when knowing what he was doing.

Crisis past tense “shoot”

The post I wrote just about four years ago was really about me leaving The Show. There was a time I just felt pressure the question is from whom. Mostly external, and yet I won’t say I didn’t put any pressure on myself.

This post is really addressed towards Anthony he put on some pressure on his own, but I won’t say that others such as mgmt or coworkers weren’t doing the same. In Anthony’s case he’s stated for years he didn’t understand why I was working there – then again it could be said he doesn’t understand a lot of things. As for everyone else perhaps they felt like I didn’t belong there anyway, they wanted what they wanted for a coworker and evidently I wasn’t it. Whatever that it was.

There was a time during the streak era where I waxed and waned on leaving. Once I made up my mind that certain goals weren’t going to be achieved I no longer looked back. My decision and my moves were’t perfect, but I just decided that it was time to go. While some tried to turn negative that I was there over four years, it was more than a respectable amount of time. It was a stagnant amount of time I was making money, however, the wages were stagnant.

A lot of the people I had enjoyed working with well many of them were leaving including Anthony who left to bounce around at other jobs over time. This isn’t actually a career job where you stay until you retire as in the long run it’s just not lucrative. Anthony’s best advice when it comes to finding another job is to follow-up and then try to negotiate when you know one situation isn’t working. That’s almost like chasing away a potential job offer and lets me know we just weren’t on the same page. Thankfully a lot of the opportunities I had never reached that stage anyway.

What I can credit for this time was that I put in the work. Anthony I will credit him with one good opportunity the theater mgr deal that I took advantage of and that would certainly have been a step forward if it had worked out. The other opportunities that he led me towards that I tried to take advantage of well back to square one. Not to be too much of a “snob” I’m really still at square one.

All the other opportunities were at square one, however, they were at largely reputable companies where at least I have a foot in the door. For example I can say I have one foot in the door at Fresh Foods although I have enough “service hours” to get an award for my longevity. Even made associate of the week fairly recently.

Either way, I consider some aspects of the so-called crisis of 2012 to 2014.

Anthony was noting the dry spell I had for most of 2013. He made sure to note that another young man we worked with (and evidently one he didn’t think much of) was getting more interviews than me. He wanted to know why I wasn’t getting any interviews. What does he care whether or not I’m getting interviewed anywhere or how many?

Later on he noted (while he insisted on me chasing down Finer’s) as I started to get more interviews that I’m finally going to find something. Don’t worry about whether or not your getting the job as employers are showing interest and made up for the previous year’s dry spell.

Another example is that Anthony tried to make a comment where he stated “I really knew there was a problem when your mother didn’t try to help you find a job at that bank”. When I told him that my mother worked at a bank, but I wanted to get him off that subject and tell him this was my decision. Which is true. When I graduated from Mission College, I didn’t really want to work at my mother’s company at that point. I fully expected to get the right job on my own and not have to use my connections. And worse still when I was finally ready to pursue opportunities with my mother’s company my connections meant nothing if the commute to my interview and the hiring manager proved to be a stickler for time.

Of course Ant wasn’t the only one questioning why I was working at the theater instead of that bank. Like I said it wasn’t necessarily something that I really wanted when it was time to look for a job. Perhaps an indication that there were a lot of people who didn’t think I belonged at The Show. Perhaps I was better than than that.

Finally I wanted to note that Ant’s vision for where he thought I should be went from I should be on a yacht somewhere enjoying life. Perhaps I could go to a law firm who’ll pay for me to go to law school. Then eventually as it had been my interest to go to a neighborhood cinema to be a manager. Then doing security, then working at Broadway in Chicago to be a unionized usher, then chasing down Finer Food’s to being an airplane fueler. A lot of those ideas were no thanks but the the yacht thing seems cool and what if I had real calling to go into law?

Well I covered a lot of ground here but to address Anthony’s role in this crisis I realize he had his own self-serving reasons to get involved. There was something in it for him. Perhaps this satisfied his need for dominance and control (my favorite two terms for him). If I was successful thanks to him then he’d believe I’d have to be beholden to him. And even if I did finally accepted a job offer to leave The Show, as I learned later he still found a way to be unsatisfied with the direction I set upon.

Still that brief period of the streak era has set the stage for the era I’m living in currently.