Isolation

I think this describes my situation:

It’s especially difficult to find a partner if you don’t like to go out much.

Redditor ShakerJew explained that they think they’ll stay a virgin for a while:

“I have no clue how to advance relationships beyond friendship … I’ve never even held anyone’s hand… I’m not ugly at all either. When I see people in a relationship I just think ‘Wow that must be nice but that is not for me, I can’t have that. I must deprive myself of happiness.’

User another-redditor3 echoed this sentiment:

“Not much of a story really.

I’m 30, unemployed, live at home with my parents and have nothing that even resembles a social life. I talk to friends online once every few weeks or so, but it’s been 18+ months since I’ve seen any of them in person.

As for interests/activities, the few things I’m interested in are solo activities, or male dominated.”

If you’re not interested in checking out new places to meet potential dates, that’s cool. Focus on your own fulfilling hobbies.

Now I got to think, what kinds of hobbies can I get into where I can meet people. Perhaps I can join a college alumni group who will on occasion support the sister “Hillman College”. Perhaps I can take some art classes or something like that. There is something I can get into that will enable me to find this fable companion or at least meet new friends.

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relating

i’m only sharing this article with this quote:

One of the biggest turn-offs for men is disrespect from their spouse and yelling is a form of disrespect when done inappropriately as this woman was doing. At least this women recognizes that she had a problem. There are many wives who do not and they yell and act disrespectful of men and then wonder why men avoid them. That doesn’t sound very empathetic to me.

a common these with young women at “the show” had been odd conflicts with young women i had great issues getting along with. many had wanted to find something to complain about displaying in some respects there need to be take charge or more accurately their need to distract. most of this may well be their inability to truly read me or perhaps a need to seek out male attention though utilizing mainly negative means.

let’s take me out of the equation, some guys know how to handle this and got the young women or girls interested in them. some were young a precious few were much older. it could indicate that some of these young people have a horrible time relating to men. same as who helen smith above is referring to.

a wife or girlfriend may yell at her husband or boyfriend because she knows no other way of relating to them other than as boys to be raised. perhaps some young women use that same approach with men whether in their lives, at school or at work. treating them like sh*t will get them to pay attention to me!

except it may cause the opposite. perhaps you get resentment and perhaps a man who’s attention you seek will only stay as far away from you as possible. though with immaturity it’s possible one can’t understand the problem is actually within not the other person.

at the same time, i recognize that my problem is just as easily i had a rough time relating to the young women. if i’m a thirty-something working with teenaged girls or early twenty-something women it could become a gap that is insurmountable. of course the reasons for this is actually varied though not something to get into right now.

virginity problem in japan

japanese-flag-graphic

i’m learning japan is starting to have a sex problem as many are remaining virgins into their adulthood. japanese men & women aren’t dating and they aren’t having sex. if men and women aren’t dating nor having sex they also aren’t getting married and having children. as a result the birth rate is declining

what’s going on over there. a japanese comedian said he thought women were scary – really? well that’s what he said basing his feelings off of rejection by women. rejection is a jarring response to his interest and that’s something i can relate to though i’ve had a few.

but what makes women scary? well nothing really, i have trouble forcing myself to express interest in a woman mainly because well i could get rejected. or i may not like what i see – on the other side when you finally get that woman she may also decide she doesn’t like what she see. women in and of themselves are not scary, but dating one and building a relationship that could turn into sexual interest or more can be scary

i see that porn has been blamed for why men and women in japan are remaining virgins into their adulthood. in my humble opinion that is a cop out. you’re reading the blog of an adult virgin who has watch his fair share of porn over the years. regardless as opposed to watching adult performers have sex for my enjoyment i still long for my own partner to experience sex. merely watching sex on a vhs tape or an online flash video is no fun.

indeed for me at least i’ll know how sex is between two people even if it’s basically a performance. if it’s not a way for a virgin to educate themselves about the various aspects of sex then certainly it’s a way for a person – who is lacking in the sex dept – to please themselves. even then please yourself all you want you’re still not getting any from a compatible mate.

then also a stagnant economy in japan! perhaps that’s somewhat closest to my situation. i have student loans and for a good period of time as i entered my 30s my job prospects weren’t getting much better. i remained at a minimum wage job hoping for the best and waited some time before i finally found a better job that paid more, offered more hours, and provided benefits. even if there were available women who would date me being in such a situation caused me to stay out of the dating scene because i couldn’t believe a woman would be interested in me romantically.

perhaps that leads up to self-esteem. perhaps i had my own issues with it and not only counting the fact that i’m still a thirty-something virgin. i could talk about yours truly as a twenty-something virgin. perhaps you have to find a way to not define yourself or others according to whether or not they’ve had or hadn’t have sex. whatever your status there is something your proud of and regardless there has to be something that would attract a mate.

perhaps i struggle with this. no quirky interest or hobby could attract a mate. or perhaps that same quirkiness could attract the right person who is quirky themselves. and i certainly have developed some quirky interests/hobbies that may not interest available women.

who knows what has stunted the dating scene in japan right now.

updates

adobepresenterupdate

my mother told me she’s going back to the hospital. over the last few weeks she had been undergoing procedures to set her up for another procedure which involves bone marrow and blood plasma. this isn’t surgery where she will be under anesthesia, however, she’ll still be gone for about 10 or so days.

recently, she spent overnight at the hospital because a “portal” placed on her for the coming procedure caused some bleeding and they needed to give her some sutures. i was a little frustrated and she likely was also because a lot of waiting on her part. in my case i was waiting because they needed someone on ready especially if she’s not 100% and often that person was me.

i’ll be alone at home for 10 days and i’m unsure what to do. if i had those kinds of relationships with women one could stay home with me during those days where my mother’s gone. however, it does seem a little unseemly doesn’t it or not when i’ve had that type of relationship and she doesn’t mind it.

i’ve begun to realize as much as my personality has been described as a loner, i don’t like being alone in a not so big house. it is really important for me to share my life with someone and often skirted this for a number of years. just not sure how to start on this when i should’ve started at least in my teenaged years.

to be sure this is the worst time for me to think about these things. my mother is undergoing her own health challenges with the issues involving a compound fracture in her hip/thigh area. but i have a place to stay and no one by myself for the time being.

also, i’ve struggled with the idea of being a part-time caretaker. thankfully she’s largely able to take care of herself and when she finally comes home there will be people coming over to keep an eye on her. i literally don’t relish having to be in that role and sooner or later this has to be communicated. this is only because i’ve finally gotten to the point where i want to actually live life and if i don’t do it now it’ll just get much harder.

the idea has crept in my head that it’s time to move. i’ve spent most of my life at home and then going to the liberal arts college, but it’s time to be in my own place. unfortunately i’ll still likely be alone, but it’s past time. it helps that i’ve finally found a job where i can make good money and grow after almost 5 years at the stagnant minimum wage. i saved enough money where i can do that and perhaps still get a little car.

in the meanwhile how can i possibly manage being at home by myself while my mother is away at the hospital. also it’s very important that i hope for the best as always!

to meet someone organically

we’re in that period when people have to give up something for a month. it could be smoking, drinking, anything. then i read this story about how a man met his wife.

what happened was that according to him he was fasting from dating. then she appeared and there were many connections such as being from the same state with the same mentality in addition to both being christian. it seems they were destined to being together.

the man wasn’t looking for her and then she arrives on the scene they became good friends. then she was about to join the peace corp only for it to work out. he doesn’t know that yet but he was like wait i really like you and want you to stay around. it was meant to be for them to actually be together.

it’s a good story i wanted to share. perfect for valentine’s day and hopefully inspiration for those of you who are seeking as i am. and also recognize, sometimes it just happens out of nowhere things like this. if you seek out love it seemingly hard.