Facebook dating?

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I’ve spent about a week playing with the new facebook dating thingie. I’ve had a few matches already however not enough conversations. They jury as far as i’m concerned is still out as far as whether or not this is worth it.

I will add that since I’ve been on facebook since before it became a big deal and back when only college students largely populated the site I’ve been using the site to check out women anyway. I largely approached the site in that vein alone in addition to connecting with people I knew from before I got into Mission College.

Of course in this case I won’t just be checking out women who were my contemporaries at the neighboring universities in the area where I attended school. I will be scoping out women in the Chicago-area and hoping to make a match. Like I said I made quite a few matches though I could hardly characterize those as solid nibbles.

What I may not like since I’ve largely become vain about my age is how it’s put on your dating profile. Like I do with Tinder or even Bumble I should be able to leave that off. Perhaps I should suggest that to Facebook Dating. Also at least with Tinder you can reverse any likes or dislikes (or reverse your acceptance or rejection while swiping).

Either way I do like being able to be very selective about who you would want to match with. Let’s say you can set your filter to whether or not your potential matches has children. I could utilize that more often to be honest and not just that attribute of course.

Another thing I’ve done is pick nine women off of my facebook list that would open the door do some interesting crushes. I’ve debated whether or not they know that they’re my secret crush – which could help thin the pool of available women presuming they are single. One just for the hell of it is one I’ve been talking to since going to Mission more as a friend than as anyone I’m interested in alas. Others are from the sister school Hillman College, some live in the Chicago-area, one I used to work with, etc.

I’ll update you if I let any of these ladies know of my crush on them. And even better I can always make changes to the list so the first nine I have, may change in the future.

BTW, I got to wonder what Tommy thinks of this new facebook dating. Will he ever do a review of it? He has been very quiet lately…

Online dating

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I sent a couple of messages to a couple of women whom I’m connected with on facebook and they just so happened to have attended that all-girls Hillman College near my own. Now in some instances I’ve done this in the past find some girl I’m connect with on facebook who attended that school on a dating app and then try to contact them.

Often nothing seems to come of it however. A few of them I was just too slow on. Some might respond but otherwise generally nothing really comes of it. Perhaps trade a few messages before either one of us just tapers off and we stop. Of course as the man it’s always important for me to keep the interest going. And the main thing is to turn the key so that I could get something out of it and no I don’t mean sex.

I ried with one girl who might have taken a quick trip to Chicago recently. She was a teacher who actually lived in Chicago at one point and then from what I could tell moved to Georgia later. I think I’ve actually seen her around on campus during my time there and even graduated the same year as yours truly. However when she finally messaged me back she hit me with only a hi so I could try to keep this going but since I’ve also decided she’s really not all that…. NEXT!!!!

The other one was much older though both of these women are in their 30s. From what I can tell on facebook she’s educated with her PhD. I also see that she’s very tall and I’m a shorty so that’s an uphill battle already. Knowing me if she makes note of it – if she’s the mouthy type at any age – then I could turn around and state how much I like that she’s taller. There are plenty of petite women walking around the tall or curvy women one just doesn’t see them often enough.

All the same she gives me a more enthusiastic response. She explains how short her trip to Chicago was and the weather. Now I’m curious where she calls home while she’s not traveling. And I wonder if she really likes the cold weather.

I could talk to her, and hope that perhaps she wants to accelerate things. Of course I’m dealing with a woman in her thirties she might have a very different agenda from mine personally. The older you are I feel as if the more time you take in deciding who you want to be with. Me, I’m a virgin and since I have very little experience with women perhaps I am in a rush to be with someone. It needs not be sex of course just to be able to say I got someone and perhaps I have to plan for the time when it turns out that it won’t last.

Both of these women I found on a dating app and just decided to just find a way to make a plunge. I could note this is how I knew they were in Chicago, unfortunately I have no way of knowing if they saw my profile and chose to swipe left. Perhaps to message them when they’re on my friends list is too simple a gamble. There’s a huge possibility that it could backfire as most women even if they post their social media links might get funny if a man tried to contact them off the dating app.

Another thing I might be concerned about is how I used facebook back when they had the poke function. I was able to connect with plenty of young women that way especially when the site first got popular. Some of my activities, especially with those women I had liked even if I never saw them personally gained me a reputation among some young women at “Hillman”. Perhaps even my reputation with Nicole at one point may have given me a not very good reputation.

Sooooo, it’s possible I need a newer dating pool of available women. On the other hand in order for me to get out there I’d have to take some risks. It means I should connect with those “Hillman” women and it also means I have to connect with women outside of that. Still however you approach dating it remains hard. It was hard to get out there as a teenager, especially if you might have had some high standards and little idea about dating. It’s especially hard now that I’m getting older…

Anyway, perhaps this strategy of trying to use a personal connection might be the trick, but as things seem to have happened over the years expect some disappointments.

Matchmaker

At this point what I’m writing happened a little over two years ago.

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At a nearby Starbucks I met with a matchmaker whom I matched with on Tinder (you may call this my first online date but technically it wasn’t). It came out that she was a matchmaker as I chatted with her on Tinder and didn’t immediately recognize that she wasn’t that interested in yours truly. So I didn’t talk to her for a time and then decided, hey perhaps I should give this a chance.

We talked on the phone and then arranged to meet at a Starbucks later. Well this was an ordeal, the more we talked the more disappointed she seemed to get. Whatever images of me she got in her head well she threw those out of the window. I had no car and had little issue with public transit. I was educated, however, wasn’t living up to my full potential. She didn’t really like my job at a grocery store which she thought of as mostly young people working there – although there are quite a few older people working at a grocery store. So truth be told this was going to be a huge fail!

One of her questions was whether or not I was comfortable dealing with “professionals”. The reason I met with her was trying something new, however, it seems from her eyes it wasn’t working for the matchmaker. I suppose what I realize from my own ego is how yours truly doesn’t want to be seen as a “mistake”. I don’t want to be seen as an embarrassment, however, what didn’t help matters was she noticed my glasses were held up by putty because I couldn’t fix them and wasn’t ready to get a new Rx pair.

picard-facepalmNeedless to say, this matchmaker decided from what she heard (I never told her I never had sex, but I did admit it’s been years since I’ve dated a blatant lie – her reply “That’s not normal“) I wasn’t ready. She offered coaching free of charge because it was unlikely that I could afford her rates. However, I had decided that I was at the point where I could actually afford to make some changes to my personal life.

The way I saw it I had a good job even if it was a grocery store – couldn’t say this while I working at “The Show” the matchmaker would definitely say “OH HELL NO!” I thought at the time and this was months before running into that guy (whom we’ll note later this month) at “The Hole” that my prospects for future growth would be good. I believed and still do that things could get better for yours truly financially and professionally with “Fresh Foods”. But to the matchmaker it wasn’t good enough and I needed further refinement.

This was during the time that my mother had gotten out of the hospital for her condition which had developed during the previous year. She was at home and not ready to return to work and she had no idea what I was doing that day other than wanting me to go to the store for her. Unfortunately my willingness to work with this matchmaker ended once this unforeseen event happened…

My mother’s job got effectively eliminated once her bank had been taken over by regulators. Her bank had failed and thus was turned over to new ownership. Listening to my mother talk there had been some turmoil, but I never expected this to happen. In the long term what this means is that she’ll be home more and effectively she’s retired. She was already suffering some health challenges that forced her to go under the knife the previous year and now her job went bust.

That’s what helped me change my mind on working with the matchmaker. If I was truly living on my own, I think I’d have tried to work with her. Some of the things I did while my mother was at work, aren’t so easy to do anymore now that she’s retired. Especially if she’s worried about how long I’ll be out.

As far as the matchmaker I’m sure she wiped me from her memory once I ghosted. Even ran into her on Bumble recently, but I swiped left and kept it moving. And strangely I found her on facebook as one of Anthony’s many friends so who knows about the nature of that relationship if at all – and why hasn’t he found that special someone through her?

I don’t think I’ll ever seek out a matchmaker ever again, however, I still need some new options as far as dating. Obviously it remains up to me as far as meeting that special woman. Better yet I need to become that special man.

Adventures in online dating

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It’s addicting to swipe right or left on either Tinder or Bumble and of course as happens with both sites what you hope to find you really don’t. As it happens you might want to make something happen, but it’s also up to them to make something happen. Someone else could capture their attention and they go ghost. Another thing could happen is what you’re looking for (in my case love) is not exactly what they’re looking for.

I’ve ran into women who are looking for some business relationship (and no it’s not outright sexual). I matched with one young lady who was looking for a photographer. So still one really has to discern who might get them close to love or sex.

As it happens when it comes to women in real life or online I’ve made some mistakes with online dating. I’ve learned you can make a move too quickly asking questions about jobs or getting in touch via social networking. In another case I’ve learned you can make a mistake bragging about your future career goals – ex. a young woman who seems successful herself unmatched me once I expressed the goal of “running the place” (referring to my current job).

Anyway, there was one recent exchange with a 19-yr-old girl. She’s beautiful with a nice set of lips and I’ve been dreaming of snagging a 19-yr-old girl then the old man kicks in. A thirty-something making out with a teenaged girl, I don’t know how I feel about that. I can still say I kissed a girl for the first time, however, I’ll probably be seen as a creepy old man taking advantage of a very young woman.

However, I’ll admit that the conversation with her is interesting. She seems quite sarcastic or sassy, but strangely enough she’s giving me rope to hang myself so to speak. She could’ve unmatched me and at times I give her ammunition to just end the exchange. Somehow she hasn’t and has remained available on Tinder. I send a msg she would respond. Not sure how to play this, but with the age difference I have to avoid directly turning this into a relationship. Perhaps she’s not ready for what I’m looking for, and I may have to keep this friendly more than anything. It would be cool to meet her though.

Finally a funny thing happened on Bumble this month. A young lady from a nearby suburb matched with me and asked me about my perfect day. I replied with being with someone I truly care about and doing some of the things I enjoy doing. Then noted what kinds of foods I like to eat, I noted Italian food and then she notes she likes Italian food. Then in a first with my experience with online dating shares a pic of her boobs.

Those knockers with nice areolas were a bit scrunched and hanging over what appeared to be a Mickey Mouse shirt. I feel as if she jumped the gun as far as showing off her assets, and when it happened I acted like a huge nerd. Regardless I can say some woman on a dating app has deemed me worthy enough of showing her goods!

My pants came off

As far as looking forward to having my pick as far as online dating. The formerly unfortunate virgin male (yup he lost it a while ago) informs on what you can expect. He had the right formula, go out and meet people. Hopefully he still does that.

However the many dates he goes on using various online dating apps such as Bumble are very entertaining. He know what turns him off, what turns women off, he knows if someone isn’t interested, he knows when to go in for a kiss, he just has some experience with this dating thing. One thing is still true dating is still hard, but for him he continues to plug away.

Hopefully he will find love….

The (Formerly) Unfortunate Virgin

For a hot minute I thought I was going to get laid again, I really did.

I made a snap decision to rejoin Bumble a few days before Christmas.  However I was tiring of the crap I was wading through and I remembered my hookup over the summer. I could do that again, I thought.  I definitely missed sex.  And while I’d ideally like to find something serious, if something like that came along I’d definitely consider it.  So I posted a picture of me in a holiday suit, declared I wasn’t looking for anything serious,  and joked about having a Red Room of Christmas, donning a Santa hat and engaging in elvish kinkery.

#56
I created my profile at 8 in the morning, and within a couple hours I already had an interested party.  She was 28 and lived a few miles away in my old hometown.  We met…

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Online dating

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I don’t like online dating. It’s hard for yours truly to really break out of the pack and score a date. It’s possible I’m making some mistakes with those women who are out there.

I’ve seen a lot of non-binary, queer, non-monogamous, pan-sexual, poly-sexual, bisexual and have even ran into a few trans-women. For the most part I swipe left for most of them. Right now I want someone who’s sure of themselves and most of them aren’t at least in my opinion. I don’t want someone in transition and I definitely don’t want someone who’s unwilling to truly commit in a traditional sense. If you’re non-binary sorry I’m looking for someone who’s a she not someone who wants to be a they/them.

That’s the trickiness of dating it’s very easy to point out what you don’t want, but no real idea as to what you do want. Then again you got to have the ability to reject those you’re sure might not be compatible in your life. Those who are just plain radical in their lives are not compatible with my own goals in a relationship which is that I desire a family and children.

So far my many matches are anywhere from college girls to just about grown women in their 30s. Some of the women I found on tinder are my facebook friends through the “Hillman College” connection. Is it worth risking being a creep who break some unwritten rules? Well actually I have….

Let’s say some of those women whom I’m connected with on facebook I had actually messaged them there with regards to Tinder and got no responses from them. There was one I really thought was cute and unfortunately she seems reticent and she’s local too so that should increase the chances. Perhaps I should try again, but I loath being the guy who is only talking to themselves in their inboxes.

I’ve matched some who are looking to have a bit of fun. I could read that as they “want the D“. Well those I’m very concerned about, yep I could get laid with those types. At the same time I don’t just want to get laid I really long for love. I’ve never been successful with love. One noted fetishes on their profile, well I’d feel a lot better with a girlfriend who was into that.

A somewhat frequent topic on this blog has been those young women who are looking for sugar daddies. I’ve taken myself out of that hunt because I don’t exactly have sugar daddy money. Then again I wouldn’t mind a college girl, then again depending upon the girl that’s dangerous. Especially those that have over protective families and me dating a girl who either just entered college or isn’t that close to graduation could prove to be weird.

What have I decided? The real world is better. Perhaps I want a younger woman however how do I meet them? And perhaps I need to stay away from college girls…

 

 

Straying

You know I should have more to say about this. A site where people can pursue infidelities. Even took a survey at this place and got accepted.

Problem is as a single male virgin is this an option to pursue. I’d feel quite dirty and I’d want a lasting connection (which ought to be the subject of a post in the future). Hard to have one with someone who is already attached and it would be hard for me to even consider dating a woman who already has a family. It seems like the type of drama I’d rather avoid.

Anyway other than the internal dialogue I have express with you, the article in fact talks about why more women these days are straying. Having known men who chase p*$sy and never seem to seek a lasting relationship with women I think I’d have a hard time respecting anyone who is willing to cheat on their “partners”.

MGTOW Virgins

 

Earlier this year I wrote about MGTOW so now I’m somewhat getting back to this. Another brave man shows his face admitting that he’s MGTOW Messiah and a 38 year old virgin. He wants to break down some of the stereotypes. He said this was a choice and it’s not a matter of not being able to get some p***y.

To speak for myself as a man who is in the same boat as him, even though I hit a bump in the road last year I finally got myself in the position where I could do some things. Perhaps take a vacation or take up a hobby or perhaps even start off a side hustle and make even more money. When it came to women I had been in the doldrums because I wasn’t make enough money and had very little going for myself.

Even had someone like Anthony who just took a serious issue with the fact that I work with a number of women whom I could be trying to talk to. It seems to him I’m just not interested and sadly he won’t accept that for a great many of them that I really wasn’t interested. In some instances I literally blew it by some of my actions though in others some of their actions made it very easy for me to stay away from them.

All the same I like “Messiah’s” style just do you own thing and go your own way. In my case as stated already I long for that special person to come around. Just hope I’m open enough to “shoot my shot” as it were. Though as is the case for the formerly unfortunate male virgin I may need to find a strategy away from online dating. It hasn’t worked for yours truly either!

Strategy

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Heh, you know this post could be about finding out what works. Believe it or not I have gotten phone numbers off dating apps. Mostly I’ve been texting with the women and usually nothing pans out. I seem reticent to even ask for dates or even to call these women up. Though as of late I’ve gotten some play with younger women say about 19, 21 or 23.

I’ve taken an interest in a 19 year old girl more recently although she says she isn’t always on the app. I was persistent enough to get a response from her and thankfully she hasn’t cut ties yet – though this means nothing since she could always choose to not respond to me even if she hadn’t unmatched me. Anyway she and a number of other young women on Tinder has thrown this word at me, sugar daddy.

Ah remember that I looked into that and said this wasn’t the strategy for me. I’m nowhere near the income level to become anyone’s sugar daddy. I don’t yet earn six-figures or more to even think I can afford these girls who only want to look at dollar $igns. They want to look fab with nice hair, clothes, shoes, phones and of course taking care of their nails. Sorry young women I’m just not going to be that guy….

Of course I have my idea on how to sidestep that – yeah I may have a high fail rate with this. Perhaps I can be that man who can treat them well whether or not these girls are 18-19-21 or even in their 30s. Maybe I need a woman who’s largely established herself more than anything at this point, however, why not play with these young girls who don’t yet know what they want yet.

Of course why do I expect a fail rate, because some of these girls aren’t yet looking for a guy to treat them well. When you’re young and having fun the last thing that these young people are thinking about is being serious with anyone. They probably aren’t think about marriage and family I would dare say they may not even be thinking about school. With my experience it was something even I took for granted going to school since it was just so expected. If a girl is under the age of 25 she hasn’t figured things out yet to the extend that I probably would like to. I didn’t have it all figured out at 25, actually still haven’t.

I suppose on this front the way I see it, if I spend money on any woman my goal is to keep her. The catch 22 is I can spend all the money I want on her, however, even this won’t be enough. Perhaps I don’t give her enough attention, perhaps I’m too old, perhaps she’s decided I don’t make enough money, etc. Who knows what they excuse could be although I could figure out how to stick them with all the bills if they want to get rid of me!

Though I want to admit that it’s only fairly recently that I began to amass my resources with the job at “Fresh Foods”. Benefits in addition to higher wages, and perhaps in spite of my current situation – which I will continue to update you all – some growth I could continue to make more money and amass more resources. And most of this is mostly benefits yours truly, that’s the only person the resources should benefit. Of course anyone who wants to be part of my ride they can be part of it and it won’t be an “arrangement” for their benefit without me getting something in return.

Though that the thing about sugar babies, they want a man to give and give nothing in return. I’ve met people like this in high school and at “The Show” – I can’t characterize most of them as sugar babies but the mentality isn’t much different. Regardless many of these sugar babies don’t recognize it until their sugar daddy tries to go for something that they were expected to receive anyway.

If you’re asking me how yours truly could handle this situation, all that can be said is that I haven’t figured it all out yet. A young girl over the age of 18 is unsure of herself and I wouldn’t mind being that older man who could show her how she should be taken care of. Then again I realize that I also have to learn – remember my inexperience. My theory on these many women on Tinder is that they may not entirely know how to relate to men and they know men – especially young men their age – have needs. Those needs will ultimately intersect, however, they will have relationships at some point so that’s something they have to learn to navigate without any unreasonable expectations.

matchmaking

matchmaking

i’ve been particularly bad with online dating. the way i see it this is something always done with fb with no levels of success. that is i never had the opportunity to connect with the women i wanted to connect with.

for example, perhaps i wanted the true babes so to speak. the beautiful women but either they weren’t interested or attracted to me or i was too late and they’re with someone. and sometimes on my own, i don’t always come off well.

recently i was on the phone with a matchmaker and irony of ironies i met this person via tinder. a dating app used for business purposes that shouldn’t be allowed :P.

anyway after trading messages for about a month i finally connected and we talked for a few minute she set me up a profile. i expressed interest in possibly image coaching which is something i need. and while being added to a database, it’s fine if i can become a client at some point and hope to meet someone who wants what i want.

of course my interest is in having a family i made that clear. my life goals aren’t as clear although i’ve expressed a desire to move up where i am now and perhaps move on to something entrepreneurial – such as real estate.

as for the person she wants to match me up with well she doesn’t live nearby and she’s older at 37, but i’m open. the reason i’m open is because i need to get out there and start meeting these women. unfortunately it’s difficult for me to get out here and meet these women even to just approach them cold.

believe me it’s possible to make a connect as a service worker. there are a good number of women who are seen during the course of a shift and to stay professional as you never know what’s going on in anyone’s head at any time. believe me there have been some odd situations with customers.

either way perhaps if i continue doing this i’ll be comfortable with the idea of dating and hopefully i can find what i’m looking for. perhaps i’ll find this young woman who’ll be the mother of my children and will be an awesome wife. and now it’s possible for me to enter the dating world.

let the matchmaking commence…