future tense

for the moment i’m taking a brief two post break from my current stream of thoughts. mainly to announce that it’s about time to start retiring as a storyline for this blog anything involving “the show”.img_4541

it’s past time to let that portion of my work life go. sometimes when i do talk about that experience my attitude which i hope to go towards the positive begins to take a backslide to the negative. for a while it took me some time to just finally get some of that out of my system. not that it will ever entirely be out of mind, i just know that some other more pressing issues will take precedence in the future.

if  i ever bring that place up again beyond this month and the next it will only be in reference not to some past incidents but only for something that has happened recently. for example i saw one of the new senior managers open the doors to “the show” fairly recently. he had recently been promoted and i was already in the area as i was shopping in the complex where the theater was located. you will see that in a future post.

perhaps some incidents that i have intentionally left vague will be hashed out a bit more and hopefully not to the point where i will only rile myself up all over again. otherwise no sense in rehashing something that has already happened with no way of changing it. it happened and at this point i should know what needs to be done differently.

someone had to tell me that in some of my behaviors back then i often seek to avoid interacting with the more temperamental and immature of the coworkers i worked with back then. of course with varying degrees of success there were also some failures that resulted in more drama. in other situations where i didn’t avoid those types it just backfired on me regardless and i couldn’t help but feed into whatever preconceived notions they already had.

also as i could state many of these individuals with very few exceptions only merge together with nothing that truly distinguishes them. in many cases the drama they created are really just silly immature drama and the things they want to complain about aren’t much different from all the individuals involved. meaning many of the dramas and the individuals involved aren’t really worth writing about!

as of now the blog needs to go back to some form of positivity. if i stay mired in any negativity from the past, then i’ll be right back to where i was by the time i left “the show”…stagnant and miserable.

it was something of a small victory for me back in 2014 when i finally handed in my two weeks and had a victory lap where it didn’t entirely matter to me who did what. after so many interviews and no job offer it felt great to know that someone was willing to take a chance on me. “the show” kept me in place, but leaving finally assured my future and growth.

this blog will continue to be about my future!

positivity

movie-theateri talk so much negativity about “the show” consider the fact that i used to refer to it as “shitplace”. my decision long ago was only to just not be so vulgar and then enable me to say some positive things.

so let me tell you at times i dread a busy night, but it was cool to see people come to the show. sometimes it was a drag because not only you got the nice people you also got people who brought their attitudes to the movies with them. i could say the same for many of the employees but this post isn’t necessarily about them and i’ve said what i needed to say about them.

one cool thing about that job was the convenience, it was relatively close to downtown chicago. for a number of years there was little action there as it was located in a shopping center that was all vacant until my eventual departure. it was also the one job i was able to drive to and often park for free in the parking garage.

i was able to watch so many movies during downtime whether or not on an unpaid break. some of the people i met there – especially anthony – i’m still in touch with to this day. can’t say for some of the eligible and attractive young women i met. there has to be some form of effort with that on my part. of course there are many who won’t be worth the time of day.

also in part due to my work history – where i had little to no employment in my 20s – this was the longest tenured job i’ve ever held. a record hopefully to be surpassed by my current employers at a grocery store. even if i spent most of my time at “the show” frustrated it was something of a success and i learned some skill even if the young people around me never took advantage of some of the simple aspects of making sales.

another thing i should learn from this experience is that no one has any right to treat me with no respect and to find ways to quell any disrespect. and sometimes it matters not if they continue to persist which they will. the main thing is to not lose my head in the commotion keep cool and just remove myself from the situation.

another thing to consider is that talking one day with anthony he considered this gig a cakewalk. people liked to complain but it really was a simple job. my thoughts are that there are those who were just there to complain about the smallest issues while not doing a whole lot of work themselves.

of course one of my disappointments about this place was that i was never promoted. one way to fix that is to talk to the leadership. or at the very least find someone you can talk to about it and hope they will put your name forward. another thing to be mindful of is who you work with, you never know what’s going on in their minds and it may blindside you.

another friend of mine learned that with other coworkers but only after i had left and he got promoted to supervisor. he got let go because some of the workers with whom he worked before promotion decided to make him a target. either way another lesson learned.

bottom line i miss some of the excitement of the movie especially being on the inside. although i work at a grocery store now and get paid much better than at “the show” the excitement is of a different type and can’t compare to the theater. in fact it’s one reason i returned to the business briefly almost a year after leaving.

even though i don’t consider “the show” my scene anymore sometimes i return to it just to reminisce. i have yet to go to a movie there since i left, but it would be worth it at some point in the future. another thing anthony liked to say is that it’s not the place but it’s people and i’ve accepted that he’s right. just one thing it can be hard to separate the people from the place.

now i can finally consider from where i come from to where i am today. life is always about growth and there’s still more to do. maybe i’ll cross paths with the theater business again and maybe i’ll move up in that world the day i do. in the meanwhile what am i going to do where i am now?

the prolonged job hunt

i wrote about the first interview i had to kick off the two year long job hunt. often i make it seem like there were a lot of interviews and there weren’t. the reality is that there were a few more no’s than i had expected.

it all started with the small chain movie theater that i wrote about over the summer where i interviewed to be a manager. my disappointment and dwelling on that situation. the dwelling made easier because after an interview i kept getting NO job offers…

after the theater manager position fell through the next interview was for a bank teller at a major bank. really it was a phone interview and i felt as if this was an OK interview this was a no.

the next interview was for a major movie theater chain. another OK interview even though in 20/20 hindsight perhaps i turned my interviewers off. as much as i hoped this would end an emerging drought and after an attempt to follow up this was a no!

that would be my last interview until the end of the summer. there were other phone calls from employers and i sent applications. even took a test for the local transit authority but i never connected with them ultimately. as i continued working at “the show” i was getting nothing for my troubles.

there were some people i worked with who stupidly speculated that i wasn’t leaving. my friend anthony was even getting worried that i wasn’t getting any interviews and others had been. he was measuring my lack of success to others who were getting some success. and he attempted to give me some leads that i never pursued because i hadn’t been that interested to be honest.

then by that fall i got two interviews quick. another phone interview for an electronics store and that was a no. i was contradictory in that i apparently applied for an overnight stock position. wasn’t keen on that so it didn’t happen.

the next interview was for another retail store in downtown chicago. i had to go through a phone screen, a phone interview, and finally an interview at the store. all that and by the time of the in-store interview i was speaking with two young women who seemed neutral. hoping for the best this added to the no’s that was beginning to rack up!

my last interview that year was for a major movie theater chain. unfortunately while hoping for the best the interviewers were again neutral and i never heard from them again. i was at the point where i needed a way out from “the show” and the search got prolonged.

so how many was that. management, bank, theater, electronics, retail, theater so six total in the years 2012 and 2013. things would heat up in 2014 and by that fall i got a job offer!

i had one interview with a grocery chain that was expanding and opening new stores in the chicago area. the person who interviewed me again had been neutral and probably didn’t understand what i had applied for. this was where i went through some steps to score an in person interview. unfortunately never heard from them again.

then my friend anthony arranged for me to speak to a manager at another one of his jobs at a retail store which i quickly took advantage of. got screened and even though anthony said i will definitely hear from them i never got a phone call from them and the screen honesty ended suddenly as if that manager realized he wasn’t interested.

then suddenly i started getting interest from banks. the worst interview was with a local bank that where i had a family connection as a close relative had a management position at the bank. they sent me to a bank across the city to interview unfortunately an early morning and it took some time to get there. enough time where i made sure to call to not make my relative look bad. the interviewer still found a way to give me shit for it indicating that they weren’t impressed because i came late for interview. i never heard from that person again.

btw, not very important but i learned the interviewer had been let go….wtf???

anyway the other interviews were for national bank companies. as far as those go i went 1 for 5 at this point. i did get a job at a bank although not anywhere near downtown as i hoped i would. i would be in the neighborhood not too far from home.

the last interview was for a management position at a major theater chain. a huge surprise and gave me some confidence although i didn’t get it. perhaps i didn’t speak the language of the two general managers i interviewed with. so while i struggled at the bank i still fantasized about getting that position even though it wasn’t going to happen.

so in 2014 how many interviews six banks, one each for grocery, retail, and theater. So nine more interviews for a grand total of 15 actual interviews or screens. I did get other phone calls but they don’t count because they didn’t result in interviews. although there were some interesting stories with some of them.

either way even if it took me a few months after leaving “the show” to find my groove i finally did and happily.

 

speak it into existence

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an odd concept and good fodder for a blog post. this was something spoken by one of the supervisors at work. spoken to a coworker though it’s often stated in the world not just at my job.

sometimes one’s own negativity gets into the way of positivity. sometimes i have wallowed in being a virgin. i have no one romantically, i do have friends but not many whom i seem to frequently keep in contact with even from childhood. i do desire a intimate connection with a woman that i value and trust.

with this said, it won’t be long before i’m a late 30s virgin and perhaps it’s time to believe that something will change in that department. unfortunately i have no concept of how to be successful in the dating realm. i really missed that boat when i was younger. even with online dating.

regardless sooner or later something has to change and i’m still unsure how but i want to make the next year as pivotal as two years ago had been job-wise. times have to change and as much as i value my current job with all i have accomplished the past year perhaps the nature of my personal life must change also.

i will speak into existence that i will have a relationship with a woman i value and trust. short of that relationship i hope that the woman i value and trust will be the one that i could lose my virginity to. perhaps in the new year i will know the intimacy that has been missing for most of my life.

frustration

frustration

next month i would like to talk more about why i left the job at “the show” two years ago. what i hoped to gain by leaving and indeed what led up to me leaving. in effect next month is marking another milestone, it’s been two years since i finally left.

a few months ago i talked about frustration. it led me to have very unfortunate relationships with some of my coworkers. it led to some conflict with many of the most drama prone individuals – mostly teenaged girls. however with that experience i was able to take it with me to the next point.

when i last met with anthony i thought about some moments that i got caught up in easily and it was out of frustration with my role there. i got into with people even when for the most part i tried hard to ignore any potential issues.

with that being said on my end there was some aloofness and it may have kept me from advancing there. it may have allowed some of the young people to take some of my actions personally. i feel as if many of them thought it was about them when it wasn’t.

in some cases i knew after some incidents that some were trouble so i kept my distance. and it becomes i question everything you do because you won’t speak to me. i could be as silly as they are.

sometimes it gives me the idea that those individuals willingness to make someone a target they had their own miseries that they either brought with them to work or they were miserable at work. the thing is at this point their problems are now their problems and it is their own problem to work through them.

then i consider what has happened the past year and a half. leaving was the best thing i did. who knows where the troublemakers are now. at least now they still arent part of my future.

letting go


frustration i’ve only recently begun the process of letting go of the many frustrating years at “the show”. as i like to state it was one of my first jobs when i finally graduated from mission college. it provided me with regular income and of course some needed amount of job experience that carried me to the bank, a grocery store, and ultimately another theater.

it was a fun job at first but then at some point reality set in. i feel as if after the first year i was already unhappy as i took for granted that my college degree would enable me to be promoted at least. well my mistake i should’ve been far more forceful even if it meant going elsewhere. i wasted time waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen unless i nudged it forward then towards the end it didn’t matter.

after a decent period of time of filing applications online and quite a few interviews i finally got a job – although ill fated – at a bank. first somewhat high-wage job i ever had although i had been limited as far as the hours i could work. the job that i accepted unfortunately proved not to be a very good fit.

but it did it’s job i quit “the show” finally after going on quite a few interviews with no job offer. during the period between jobs after the firing it felt somewhat difficult and uncertain but it was a short period as i’ve often told umpteen times here.

at least i had one interview to go before the unthinkable happened. and then a bit of a while before getting back to work. if things hadn’t been successful with the other job it’s possible i’d have gone back to “the show” and ask for my job back. though i have to say it would’ve been seen at the time as a defeat. i wanted to leave my situation for that time and only found myself back at square one and perhaps back at a minimum job with no possible prospects of growing.

it’s a road i never had to consider returning to. i’ve learned new skills and have found a new environment. finally it’s time to learn some flexibility and this is something i’m keenly interested in exploring.

at this point i like where i’m at and hopefully to future employers will prove to be a great employee.

 

passage

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is there such a thing as a rite of passage? i talk about work a lot on this blog and unfortunately not enough of having relationships with women. there have been a precious few over the years that i would consider friend in real life not the online version.

either way a coworker and i just talked about women – well she was a female coworker. either way we talk about what a certain segment of women do to enhance themselves although some of it aren’t that appealing. hair weave, colored eye contacts, or make-up. it was a good conversation there are some women who feel as if they need those things to be beautiful when in reality they don’t.

perhaps to finish my right of passage – either a relationship with a woman or just sex – i have to find out what’s most appealing about me. and not have to add anything fake to broaden my appeal. to be sure fake can include what you wear or your personality just as easily. people out there can spot a fake and quick.

anyway i consider the idea of a right of passage. so let’s talk about, i had to go through some changes to find another job finally. not only that find myself at a fortune 500 company – well better yet two fortune 500 companies. eh screw it, it’s actually three fortune 500 companies. it doesn’t matter i had to find the job that offers most of what i think i’m looking for in a job.

well i want to avoid that italicized her because i realized that it’s as much about me as it it about this idealized woman i’m looking for. i realize i have to go through rejections or indifference before i find out who won’t and isn’t indifferent. not only that i have to show that i’m what she’s looking for.

i suppose when you’re serious about a job or a woman you have to show how you can persist. perhaps the right woman wants you to chase her and as for the job well to find a better one you persist until someone says yes. in fact that’s what happened within the last two years with job hunting.

now it think it’s important to determine the life that i want outside of work. and while i’ve talked about the women i’ve connected with on social media – especially the ones who went to a sister college near mine – perhaps as i’ve found a better job i can find the right lady in my life.