Eliminate

One of my long term goals has been to stay away from porn. I would be alright if I never watched a minute of porn as it’s become very perverse to yours truly.

Except that when I take a break from it sometimes I go right back to it. They say you shouldn’t quit something cold turkey except porn ought to be one thing one should quit in such a fashion. We’re not talking about substance abuse we’re talking about something that’s more psychological.

I shared a quick review of this movie from a few years ago called Don Jon which where the title character has largely the same types of issues. He may get the women he wants even had a girlfriend during the course of the movie but is so unsatisfied with his conquests that he turns to porn. The girlfriend had to catch him not once but twice to break up with him because he lied to her. Regardless she made him wait for sex and he was still unsatisfied.

He admitted later that the porn was him being selfish. He thought more of the fantasies he had from watching porn than the actual desires of the women he was with. It took meeting a widowed MILF to train him away from the fantasy of pornography. He realized in order to satisfy his needs he also had to satisfy the needs of his girlfriend.

I suppose after so many years of watching porn I had no issues with the various scenarios men and women find themselves in whether we’re talking threesomes or orgies. I talked about how I liked watching bondage scenes or women doing anal. I also recognize that if you take some of those things in porn into your own bedroom things could get to the point where one could go too far.

I could fantasize about smacking a woman upsider buttocks one time and watch the jiggle of her skin and muscles (or fat sorry ladies) then I get concerned about whether or not I could turn that off. Jack V wants a lifetime companion and lover not a partner who’s scared of him for not knowing where the line is.

So I realize that I need to stay away from porn. My mind need to be on more realistic relations with women. Yes I do desire a wife in the future and hope that we can do adult things as a couple I just hope that there isn’t a point where I could go too far. That’s my worry now and perhaps that makes me a terrified virgin.

My idealized relationship with a woman has always been romantic. I also know there are women who sneeze at that. Not all women seem to want a romantic man and yes I recognize being romantic might not be best at first meeting. However, porn which seems to have a history of cheesy pick up lines once a scene progresses is not the frame of reference I need when trying to build relationships with women.

What I recognize now is that the porn I see now where there are plenty of scenes with women who are pushed to the point where they might need diapers in the future. Or women who are often roughed up, slapped around or even faces contorted by the aggressive hands of a man is not something that is particularly appealing.

What’s also not very appealing about porn are the very alternative expressions of sexuality that now exist in porn. It’s strayed far away from what I started seeing porn for which is two people doing the nasty. There are things that I find perverse that now is just something I just don’t want to see. I steer far away from that content.

Just have to ask myself why it’s so difficult to move on!

Psychology

I’ve had to rewrite this post several times and to be honest it just seems to be a longer post for someone who is no longer considered part of my future. I met the Fiend a decade ago and my “situationship” won’t just be characterized as hell it was just a situation. The situation was just to his liking and he helped created it and yours truly just fell in.

I’ve been told that the Fiend is something of a narcissist. Well I don’t have the means, training, or ability to diagnose him as such. Some aspects of his behavior seems to inform of a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist spectrum. For my own purposes his behavior fall in the line I usually just stop at which is a user.

I do think he looks for people he can get something off of. If you remember he’s said to be engaged to be married. In my humble opinion he does seem to place a lot of value on sex. He wants to know when you lost your virginity and me not having much success or even seeking much success in that area it seems on some level he looks down on me for that. And that’s just a start to perhaps his real feelings about yours truly.

I wish it hadn’t took me this long to recognize that in some way his true feelings about Jack V were never good. It causes me to dispel the notion that we were ever friends. The fact that we even got close was because more than likely there was something in it for him. It could be a ride home or money from me for his needs.

It hits me that I can call him the Hustler because he wanted something. The Fiend is everything else perhaps his reasoning for why he had such a low opinion of me in reality. There were times he told me that he liked me personally and on the other hand he outrights lets me know his true thoughts about me. His true thoughts let me know that he looks at me in the worst ways.

I feel as if I encountered such behavior before perhaps in school. The Fiend will just discard you until you’re needed and it’s not about a final score. Perhaps that’s why when I started my blackout, he continued to try establishing further contact. I’m sure in spite of his negative notions about me, he just had a problem with me not responding to him. Perhaps it was my duty to respond when he comes calling.

Just consider a post I did earlier this summer hearing about him really talking about yours truly to another ex-coworker. He’s probably upset that in his words with no contact that I just dropped him.

Another way of looking at this is that perhaps the negativity he drops onto yours truly is really the negativity he feels himself. This same coworker believes the Fiend has some of his own issues with self-hate. Perhaps he hates his own background (possibly racial), has his own inadequacies (sexual or financial) or just hates his situation in general. All I can say at this point is that all of them are only his problem as far as Jack V is concerned.

I’ve been hearing that the wedding for the Fiend is now off because he couldn’t help but cheat. Not sure if this can be verified independently, however, if that’s truly what’s going on it’s no surprise. Anthony did show that he has a roving eye drooling over women he views as attractive. He states matter of factly how he can manipulate women into having sex with him – like it’s normal – and he portrays himself as not above satisfying his needs with women who are already in a relationship.

Also stated before I just don’t think he has any true idea about being in relationships romantic or friendship. I do think he’s a user whether for material things or just to satisfy his own needs. Beyond that perhaps it’s possible that in reality he’s just a lot more lonely than he realizes.

Oh yeah forgot one final piece to his psychology. Dominance and control are my favorite two terms as part of his fiend persona. One time we were talking and I got smart with him and he raised his voice with “DUDE!” because while I have to tolerate his personality he often can’t seem to tolerate mine. And his next statement was “If you don’t do it to your mother don’t do it to me.”

That was something when he feels as if I’m out of line he started saying. If you don’t do it to your mother why would you do it to me. My response was exactly how I began to read it.

“You’re not my dad” I responded. And he gets defensive saying “I didn’t say that”. The bottom line is that his personality quirk of dominance dictate that I have to treat him as if he was above me. I’m his lesser than and he more often than not conducted himself accordingly with yours truly.

And I consider that fact kind of hilarious when I recognize now that in the very beginning he chased me down and not the other way around. He gave me a reason to steer clear and he continued to come around until he got what he sought. And I didn’t do much pushing back even when knowing what he was doing.

Finality on Finer’s

Over the past six or so months I’ve written a lot about the events of No Interview 2014 or mostly about Anthony the fiend injecting that drama into the future as I begin to reach some form of “apex” at the Hole. It was jarring but I recognize that in some respects it’s still in my head. The reality is that that moment is really over, and it doesn’t deserve much thought even now. It’s not something I had no real invested reason to follow-up.

One reason it’s still in my head is its part of the drama that can exist between myself and the fiend. Another reason is I do consider it a fail. For one thing one reason why I never opted to follow-up any further on this in spite of Anthony’s insistence is based upon his his anger when he “discovers” that I hadn’t followed up any further after being sent out of that store after waiting to be interviewed for an hour (i.e. I got no interview). Of course I can consider that I came along way on a cold day and had no breakfast and perhaps not enough sleep to get absolutely nothing accomplished and I had a nasty old man holding onto that disappointed father act give me a hard time over something that isn’t my fault.

Some business wasn’t taken care of and he showed no interest in my side of the story and perhaps he never saw my side of the story. He probably got stuck on the outcome didn’t go the way he wanted it to go and not only that in being a disappointed father he needed to point the finger at yours truly. And worse still he wanted to ride it until I made it right and followed up. And the most confusing part is that he still wanted to know what happened with it two years later and starting talking about how he thought “you’d like it at Finer’s better” or “if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money”.

When he’d start his campaign I just remember how it went to get on with them with his insistence and with another part of the Streak Era & another number on the no job offer count. That causes me to think of a something crazy scenario such as the climax of the reign of error. One thing I should’ve learned about him when he’s dead set on something he doesn’t stop it could be a narrative or it could be a situation. It all has to suit him and his needs at any given time.

The bottom line is that I need to move forward from that era. If the outcome of the steak era didn’t suit the fiend too bad, it suits me just fine. I feel as if I’m better off now, the goal wasn’t to get stuck on working at Finer Foods although my mind was stuck on working at a cinema and how was that working out for me. The goal was the leave The Show and Anthony gets stuck on what happened with this opportunity or how much I could’ve made with a job that just didn’t work out for me.

As far as his later campaign. I know I said different things such as he’s envious of my success at the time at the Hole or he just never had that closure (whatever that meant to him back then). Lately I’ve hit upon another thought about this, it was all a diversion or distraction. I would expect he knew full well his campaign wasn’t going anywhere. Although one thought that refutes that is when he’s dead set on something he goes in full blast no matter what. However, I don’t have that closure since we don’t have the ties that we used to these days.

Meanwhile I’m still working on that “Crisis” shoot so stay tuned. If all goes to plan it will be the next post.

The Tell

Allow me to further elaborate on a story I have been discussing a lot of lately. It was something further noted last month noting the Fiend’s persistence on finding a job with his store.

Now late in 2016 during the holidays I got a call from him wanting to finally pay back some money he owed. Two months before that he was begging for some “getting around money”. What this means was that he was borrowing money on top of the other money he already owed and was finally ready to pay yours truly back for the money he already owned. I never got back the getting around money and perhaps it wasn’t plainly stated.

Well he wanted me to go out with him to check out a car he found on Craigslist and our first stop was in the western suburbs. This was when he asked about what happened with the interview with Finer Foods two years in the past. And he told me to “tell me again” when I told him I already went over that.

Well he didn’t really listen in my observation just nodded as if he heard what I was saying. He probably just wanted to open the door to that convo for whatever reason. I made sure to note my frustration with that whole episode back then.

Well we go to this suburban house out west and we look at this car. Anthony was finding things he didn’t like a cracked windshield, holes on a trunk where the spoke used to be, and it was missing an inexpensive part that Ant insisted the seller should’ve replaced himself. This is what he did to get out of it.

He created a phone call, he let me know later it was a fake call. It was to some woman perhaps a fabled girlfriend or a sister or his daughter. He was getting it for a woman and he started telling her the situation and when he hangs up he tells the man he’s turning him down and why. Well the car was to be for him but he came up with a quick way to bow out of this sale, it was for someone else.

Aside from that perhaps a month or so later in the new year I got another raise. I’m sure I told him and we got on the phone – don’t remember of it was before or after my mom lost her job – I do remember telling him how much liked Fresh Foods. His answer “I think you’ll like Finer’s better!”

Taken aback I explained how many people I work with who formerly worked with them and their feedback as far as why I disagreed. He gave a very dry OK and dropped it that moment. Well we all know what happened with that and as stated before that proved to be a tell it was going to keep coming up.

Well, that was just a start and it becomes “if you come to Finer Foods you’ll make more money”. And he said that enough times where one time on the phone while telling him I was on an interview panel he starts again.

I was telling him about a probable promotion and how it could take me into mgmt (and we also know what happened with that). While he says “hey alright that’s good” and then “if you come to Finer’s you’d make more money”. At this point I have to yell at him that “you must have a real hard on for me coming to Finer’s”. Long story short it came back up at least two more times before the “blackout”.

He want letting that go for whatever reason. And my reluctant answers or a lack of one wasn’t stopping his mentions. It’s almost as if as things were going up at the Hole he decided he needed to convince me to go elsewhere. Didn’t understand.

Next month I plan to revisit the episode One Final Drop which was the last time he brought up Finer’s again. And then my last actual phone conversation with him. The Planet Hustle era was headed for a full stop from that point forward.

I’m working on one more post this month about him. I intended not to do more than one post about him this month but the next post about him will be more of an update. Most recent news about him as it relates to the “blackout”.

What’s better?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and my current journey has been really making smarter money decisions. My journey included associating with a man who’s own hot air is to show he’s got something going but only exposing that’s he broke and needy.

I had a discussion with a coworker one evening and while he might agree with me that it’s best not to be broke. He might turn around and say don’t allow that to be your selling point because the woman might only see $$$ signs. Hard to argue that and I also know broke men seem to be able to get action with women.

It’s probably something to find a woman who doesn’t care if you have 5 pennies or $5 million. That’s the one worth her weight in gold I’m sure, good character hopefully. I suppose having money in the bank in my own view is an asset, however, is it possible to still miss the point.

I would imagine most women wouldn’t want a broke man. Or we could go even further there is a segment of women who might nitpick over the type of job a man has. For example I’ve explored that some women might treat a blue collar man differently than a white collar man. Some women might not take very serious a grocery store clerk for example even if said clerk was generally a good dependable man while a white collar man has the issues of say a J.R. Ewing.

Dallas – JR Slaps Sue Ellen and on second thought they deserve each other don’t they?

So I suppose when I presented the idea of whether or not it’s better to have money to keep a woman he comes up with if a woman really loves you, money isn’t necessary except a roof over your head and electricity. Hmmm, this complicates things doesn’t it? I suppose as a man I still have to create a home for her to stay.

My mother and I one day were talking about relatives – I have an uncle who seems to come up short often and she mentioned one of my first cousins who though says she has money issues is still able to pay off a luxury car she has purchased. I don’t have a great relationship with either and more so my cousin than my uncle whom I’ve rarely heard from over the years. However I just had to say something and it’s based on my own personal experience.

I can speak to the gifts of my cousin, she’s sociable and I don’t associate money issues with sociable. With this said I know very little about her finances so there isn’t much for me to criticize. Then again my viewpoint is always about abundance you don’t need to have small cash infusions in order to take care of your basic needs such as rent, food, etc. And as far as I know my cousin hasn’t come around for any at least from my mother and what she did get from my mother was basic advice like if you want to save some money put it in a bank far from home for example. If you live in the burbs find a bank in the city and open an account.

Well, my comments sort of backfired as my mother might make some real world comments like who will you leave your money for or you got money but are you enjoying life. I still would say I’d rather have my nest egg while I’m able to use it than be utterly broke. And in my personal experience there is exactly a broke person who definitely isn’t happy about life although as a gift he can be sociable. He could use that to solve his issues with money although it’s getting much later in the game for him at this point.

However, many questions to unpack. Is money necessary for a mate? Does money help you find a mate? Does money allow you to enjoy life?

I could also ask if money brings happiness, though there is a flipside here. Having an abundance of money probably isn’t the key to happiness, however, when it comes to relationships something there has to bring happiness right?

Inspired

I realize that blogs can be a means of creative expression. Yes here many of the posts are based on my own real life events. I don’t know if you believe that there is a dearth of experience on my end. However I’ve written about things that has happened and it seems I’m still processing the data.

My last post I shared a track of music from the classic picture Midnight Cowboy. The character arc of Joe Buck – the “midnight cowboy” – is disturbing however in spite of his intentions he’s actually the most honest and true in that movie. What we see is two men – as Buck pairs up with the character of Ratso who initially hustles cowboy – on the lowest rung of society, hustling in a big city isn’t getting them anywhere, and the main characters are willing to do anything to survive. I never actually seen the picture itself nor read the novel on which it’s based, I’ve seen enough reviews or synopsis or even some clips to get the point of the story.

Midnight Cowboy (1969) trailer

Remember two years ago I wrote a premise for an Are You Being Served reboot. It would be more of a comedy although some aspects of that story will become serious. Especially since this reboot is really based on the drama of the time which was my dismissal from the Hole.

So my version of Midnight Cowboy is based on Planet Hustle. My situationship w/ the Hustler and that recent “recently” post triggered this interesting creative thought. It could take place over years and it will be as psychological as Midnight Cowboy is in reality. I just don’t see much redemption on anyone’s part in my story. There is no happy ending there at all, as there is in real life.

There is only a realization, however, the psychological part of the story is how do these two mismatched individuals become friends? How does these two coworkers go from a ride home to asking rude questions to an attempt at hustling – being hard-up and all that – to become a savior to becoming a friend and then back to a point of very little trust again? Is your head spinning yet?

I think this would be a great art house project. It might not win an Oscar nor do I imagine it would make much money in the box office. Hopefully I can create a story that audiences can relate to which would be my main point in this exercise.

I just wish I knew some filmmakers….

Seven reasons why people avoid you

I think I may have some of these traits and I’ve had to disassociate with those who did have these traits. I’ve talked about a few of such people on this blog over time. You might be able to guess at one person in particular who displays most of those traits.

Consider this your election night escape…

2017

The irony of 2017 is that during the course of that year before reaching the climax of the Reign of Error, I had done a series of posts over the weirdness at The Show. While writing those posts I was experiencing my own weirdness at the Hole and it started during the summer a very short time compared to the last few years at The Show.

As 2020 is considered a year of great calamity for many around the world due to the pandemic of course and in this country we have unrest going on – by the way something’s going down in Louisville and other places in America as always I hope for the best.

Anyway this post is titled 2017 and for yours truly personally this year proved to be a year of calamity. It was a personal calamity more than anything, but it started off great and then it just turned 180 degrees in a territory where I never expected to be. I’m specifically talking about the job at the time, I just didn’t expect that I’d be out the door.

Well that wasn’t the only drama of that time and I mean a boss who was just very by the book and very unwilling to offer a break. Just looking for things to complain about. Of course this is something I’m continuing to hash out as time goes forward so I won’t dwell on this too much.

I also consider Planet Hustle. This proved to be the last year I really spoke to Anthony the hustler. It seems from roughly the holiday season through the last time I really spoke to him that summer we just weren’t on the same page. Perhaps we never were as he had his own ideas on what was necessary for me and I had my own. He’s willing to blow off my own ideas while bullheadedly promoting his own even if I show no interest.

Regardless consider this pattern, during the holiday season in ’16 – this was when my mother was in the hospital undergoing treatment – he pays me back some money he borrowed. This is when he decided to reopen the case of what happened with Jack V being employed with Finer Foods. And then here’s how the pattern come full circle, by the time of the episode One final drop he decided he needed to borrow more money.

The main crux of that situation is that as time went on he began to let me know what he really thinks of me. And as time went on I had to think about some of the statements he’s made towards me. Does one have to associate with someone who seem to have such a low opinion of them?

Worse still I call it a situationship not a friendship because as we’ve explored on this blog there was a reason he wanted to connect. He wanted help or support, but then turns around and says your life is out of order. He’s even more out of order than he realizes. Yes I’m talking about the requests for money on occasion. Good riddance.

As I’ve explored the situationship and the Reign of Error at the Hole were two main events that came to a head that year. One was years in the making the other was in a period of months. One situation I’ve learned to laugh at, the other I’m still processing the data compiled over nine years.

However, once the Reign of Error came to a head it helped make easier my decision to blackout communications with the Hustler. I’ve stated that he’d make me feel worse about the situation I found myself in. I get the idea that he’d never let me hear the end of it and will turn it into you should’ve listened to me about Finer Foods. It’ll be about his solution…

And once he’d start calling again – perhaps he needed something – during a time where I was unemployed helped me keep my resolve. Although even when I did go back to work, I still never went out of my way to contact him again.

So we’ll go back to the Reign of Error in the next post. Hopefully tomorrow if not soon as there were some revelations I hinted at earlier this summer that’s necessary to address. It’s not something I spoke about in the many times I spoke about the situation with /goofball.

Finally, I used climax for a reason. The day I got led by /goofball to store mgmt to be “separated” from Fresh Foods was a very dramatic moment and it was wrong in my mind. However, I used that term to say it wasn’t the end of my story and the reason I could laugh now is because whatever happened – oh to be the fly on a wall – it was really the beginning of the end of /goofball story. When I arrive at my last day at the Hole the title of that post will be Climax.

Now that I’ve dealt with 2017, perhaps 2020 isn’t this year of calamity for myself after all.

Revisit

I’ve been wanting to tell this insignificant story for a while since it happened on New Year’s Eve. Unfortunately this story can’t be told without injecting the infamy of a man I’ve referred to as the Hustler. The hustler had the tendency to bring up the name of this just as infamous though lame character you know on this blog as DB.

barney-3
D.B. aka Douche Boy?

On New Year’s Eve on the way downtown to catch a movie before 2019 turned into 2020 (and way before this bug became a problem in the USA) I actually was face to face again  with the man also referred to as Mr. Deranged. OK let me explain again DB, Deranged Barney, or Mr. Deranged. Not to confuse you all, but I wanted to illustrate to whom I’m referring.

So to bring up DB is to also note how often Anthony the hustler couldn’t help but inject DB in some conversations at odd moments, especially since I finally arrived at my new job at the Hole. I told Ant that DB actually tried to friend request me on Facebook while I was still at The Show and I blocked him. Yours truly had arrived at the space that it’s just time to let that character go and move forward. I just had no business following anything he does online as it was sheer stupidity and it only served to shave points off of my own IQ.

Anyway some random mentions of DB by the hustler until the blackout period.

  • I met with Ant one day and we were browsing at a store then all the sudden he hits me with a question: “When you become a manager at Fresh Foods, how are you going to handle someone like a DB?”
  • There were a few times where Anthony either tried to tell me that he saw DB or just decided to make reference to him such as “yeah I forget ole boy. Dude who wanted to be an entertainer”. Usually I tell him that I don’t want to talk about him only for him to mention DB again later.
  • One time he told me that he ran into DB at a suburban cinema stating for the record that he was glad they never made eye contact because he didn’t want to say anything to him. However, Anthony has stated that he doesn’t always try very hard to be bothered with people he doesn’t like.
  • Another time we were going to lunch and we took a bus to a restaurant. I was talking about a young man trying to holla at some hot chick on the train one evening when I was coming home from work. I told him such things as this man was on the train begging for money and was sucking his thumb while talking to this young woman. While he seemed genuinely disgusted and amused with this characterization. His final comment was out of nowhere: “He crashed and burned like DB”.
picard-facepalm

That came out of nowhere and it shows he had been paying attention to some of my retorts over the years about DB. Another coworker had characterized Barney as something of a virgin who begs for everything but has very little to offer. At the same time, there was literally no reason to bring up that name in that last bullet I brought up. Also the irony of that bullet was that Anthony at that moment had met with me to borrow some more money. Man I was sooo easy wasn’t I?

Eventually these random mentions eventually evolved into “yeah I remember that time you went off on DB” and any variations thereof. I might talk about where I had been at The Show vs where I was at the Hole and where I expected to be. It didn’t matter, the past held far more weight with him than what I hoped to accomplish. Only he knows what that stuck in his head only to recognize how the negative sticks in his memory very easily than the positive. Perhaps I’ll helped keep the negative going and he just fed off of it, who knows…

The last time we met and the last time he borrowed money he hit me with that “I remember when you went off on DB” only for me to hit him with “if I recall correctly you weren’t there that night and if you had been that incident wouldn’t have happened”. Probably true since at one point in time, the Hustler for ulterior motives only he truly knows positioned himself as an ally. Perhaps in retrospect a fair-weather ally….

Well he probably didn’t expect that but tried to explain himself

Anthony the hustler: They told me.

Yours Truly: Who are they?

ATH: The people who were there.

At that point I sit back thinking it was over until…

ATH: So what happened?

He wants me to tell him the story of what happened again! He already knows because he keeps bringing it up and some other parties told him about it. Do you get the idea that he was just fcuking with me?

Anyway I try begin telling him again to my annoyance and all he does as I attempt to explain is him further realizing where the story was going.

ATH: So DB kept going?

YT: Yes

ATH: So were you two about to fight? *using his fist to simulate a fight*

YT: No! It’s over! It’s over!

Anthony responded underwhelmed and we move on to the “last drop

So while he seemed to want to reminisce about old stories involving DB, when I called him about my newest encounter with Mr. Deranged he seemed uninterested. I was looking for a listener and went to the wrong person as it was less understanding and more judgement as in he thought I was cold for not giving DB a response. It was rude in his opinion in spite of the history no matter how many years it had been. Just think earlier that month he was blowing up my phone – while in this instance I did have to chase him down – to give me his latest sob story as far as why he needed money.

Which leads to the very last time I ran into Deranged Barney.

I was on the train going downtown when at some point I was scanning the train with my eyes. Me and DB locked eyes. I had tentatively identified him and it can’t be said when he got on the train. Perhaps it was the same time I got on the train just about two stops earlier or perhaps it was at the stop the train had passed up.

Still, I had just finished recording the scene outside of the train and was about to check my phone when I looked around the train. I see DB starting to grin at the sight of me and as per policy in situations like this didn’t give him the response he wanted. Unusual for a man who likes to make a scene when he’s into something – and with regards to fairly recent history between us – he just got off the train with utterly no word to yours truly. It’s like he finally got the hint, he’s not going to get any reaction. Well only he knows perhaps on this particular time of day he was a tad more rational and I’ve never known him to be rational.

I did look at him again to be sure I identified him. Who knows this would be more footage for my YouTube channel if he had decided to greet me in his obnoxious style. But he just got off the train and never looked in my direction. I went downtown to catch a movie for New Years Eve!

There is one thing discussed here in this post that I do want to discuss and that’s the time I went off on DB. I’m very sorry to say that happened too often, and I have great regret of my behavior. It was a few years before the realization that yours truly should’ve lost his job as a result of that incident. Others had hinted at it and the reason or reasons he got let go and not me are rather eccentric (to say that is an insult to eccentrics). As often stated, yours truly was not very smart to stooping to his level as he was already there. He wanted something and that something was the beginning of the clash.

Either way I want to tell that story which is more than 8 years in the making in the near future. The night I went off on Deranged Barney.

Finally, the Douche Boy reference was random and was introduced by someone who was a tad more familiar with this story. The real life reference to DB well I will never reveal it here, however, Douche Boy is closer to the truth than you realize.

Nuisance

image

I hinted a few days ago at how Anthony continued to bring up the name Finer Foods at random a few times when we were still “friends”. It was often at random the first time he wanted to talk about what happened a few years earlier occurred after I mentioned that I visited one of their newer stores. He wanted to know what happened with that and I knew what he was referring to. Unfortunately only he knows why he wanted to re-open the dialogue with regards to that.

There was a time and I don’t remember if this was before that or later that I was talking about how much I liked Fresh Foods. I had been with that company for just about two or more years at that point and his response to how much I liked where I was “I think you’ll like Finer’s better!” He said that really matter of fact and quick and I shot that down just as quick.

I worked with a few people who formerly worked with Finer’s and they all give that company a thumbs down. There’s a reason many of them chose Fresh and like it there better. They were more passionate about Fresh than they were about Finer’s. It was always about the managers, how much they were paid, the rules, the pettiness. There was a different story with a different person and it wasn’t good.

Only Ant knows why he was so into talking about how much better off he thought I’d be at Finer’s. My best theory has been as I was making raises just about every year and things seemed to have gone well at first he probably got envious (and remember he’s generally miserable) and decided to do something about it. He was in my head enough to try to convince me to reverse course and jump ship. Of course I was assured of how much better off if I stayed put at the Hole at least during that period of time within the first six months of 2017.

The irony of what he was doing was that he was indirectly benefiting from what I was doing at Fresh. He decided that I was making good money which was barely $25K a year, but it was enough for him to beg on occasion. Still he’s begging for money and he thinks I’d do better at Finer Foods which I attributed to his “skill” in negotiation and his experience, however, only he knows in reality. I still say he probably got jealous and used his rather domineering behavior to convince yours truly to work elsewhere to chase “better money”.

So a few times he’d bring up that if “you come to Finer’s, you’d make more money”. It would be different times, but it would be the same line and usually my response was often it “would take something real crazy for me to even consider it”. I think he hardly ever pays attention to what I’m saying and he often repeats himself.

I think one day we were talking on the phone and it was regarding being on an interview panel. I had to explain to him a few times I wasn’t of any real standing to be the final decision maker I was just part of a panel to help determine a new assistant manger for our department. I mentioned that I might be learning buying in the future although he found a way to dismiss that and suggest I’m better off as a supervisor. Thank you for that, but one thing to learn about business is numbers as much as it is about working with people especially with a more visible and higher level role.

Even with this, he turned around and brought it up for the nth time that I’d make more money at Finer’s. I hit him with “YOU MUST REALLY HAVE A HARD ON FOR ME COMING TO FINER’S!!!

He replied defensively: “Nah, I’m just saying…”

Then one day he tried to call me at work and I was actually in the cooler putting product away. On that morning I forgot to turn my ringer off and I hear my phone ring. I send a text letting him know that I’m at work and will call him back. He texts: “Why don’t you come over here with me to Finer’s, you’d make more money and you’ll be closer to home”.

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I call him later and further reiterate that some good things were happening at that point at Fresh. Officially I would be doing more buy/receive in the future and there would be an opportunity hopefully to “negotiate“. And he lauded this as such a good thing, “they like you showing you how to do something new” he says. This ended for a moment his continued “campaign” to come to his more favored company and possibly take more cash.

To which let me set up the come over here with me to Finer’s. He allegedly had worked for a Finer’s store where he had attempted to get me on with them. I went to the northwest side of Chicago for an interview which was botched, and he insisted at that time on worrying me about calling them to make it happen. I often resisted and he amped up his efforts in my mind I just wasn’t interested I came to be interviewed and was sent back out the door after waiting an hour. Then not long after those events perhaps going up to maybe September 2014 when he decided to bring it up again he quit. Like I said he really has the tendency to not settle down in any job since he quit the Show in October 2013.

By the time I started doing buy/receive at the Hole he was talking about going back to Finer’s. According to him he wanted insurance for his son for a pre-existing condition and he got some “connections” at Finer’s to get hired at a store closer to where he lives. And as per his insistence closer to where I live also.

I just have to add that pre-existing condition for his son became a prelude for the episode One Final Drop. He may have insurance and yet still needs money for his son’s medical bills. It was during that episode that he brought up Finer’s again though for the last time.

Ant: You’re thinking about jumping ship yet!?!?

Yours truly: *confused* It’ll take something real crazy for me to consider it!

Sidenote: You already know right? The scenario I had in my head was something that I hoped wouldn’t happen…

Ant: *nods his head* Just get an interview, see how much money they’re talking, and know your worth.

Y.T.: *shoots Ant a blank stare attempting to convey no interest*

When we leave the barbershop where I requested he meet with me, he started talking about how much he likes the candied popcorn at Finer’s. He said there is no residue on his fingers after eating the popcorn which I suspect is his way of continuing to sell me on moving on to Finer’s. He states his opinion that it’s better than a Chicago treat which does leave residue on your fingers.

It was my opportunity to ask him about his pay, since it’s his most consistent talking point. His claim was that he makes at least $700 or $800 per check. And I wanted to establish if this is after taxes and just simply states that it’s take home. I know how much I might make week to week in my head and reason that I’m no more than either $100 to $200 less at my then current level away from his rosy income from his checks (presumably he gets paid bi-weekly as I would at Fresh). I process this and find myself not very impressed, perhaps he could tell though he has a history of bullheadedness as far as my responses or lack thereof.

With that said that was the last time we talked about Finer Foods. I don’t know if he remained with that company or at least when he left though I suspect he had when I unexpectedly and with great trepidation saw him in his security guard uniform at a local hardware store. Perhaps he didn’t need the insurance anymore nor did he fit in with them anymore in spite of his pretenses.