Back when I was jobhunting

I still dwell on this sometimes – can’t you tell. I spent some time while still at “the show” looking for another job. A job that provides opportunities for growth in addition to benefits and more money. Unfortunately it took two years of rejections and sometimes issues of timeliness when I do get a call.

There were some jobs I had been interested in but just didn’t call back. Some of those are simply what ifs others I let them pass because they were temporary in nature and wasn’t worth it. Or the position I just wasn’t interested in.

For the most part the interviews I did accept for a good stretch of time will be marked as a strikeout or a K. So for a good period of time I had 14 Ks, I couldn’t score a job offer for nothing.

Of course that changed when the job offer came from the bank. Of course we all know how that ended. Regardless it ended a stretch where it seemed like I got an interview and still got either nothing or a “Dear John” letter.

A friend of mine from the job gave me leads that I took advantage of and none of them led to jobs. To start I’d have been a manager at a small local theater chain and after a promising interview to my great dismay the owner took me out of contetion. The second one was at a grocery where he worked went up there for an interview at a day we both agreed on and was turned away because a higher up just showed up for a walk through. This made me even more frustrated.

The last one was at another store where he worked got screened. My friend insisted I’d get a call but to this day I never heard from them again. More time to continue looking to find another option away from “the show”.

So 14 Ks, and one score out of that. Countless phone calls, phone screens, and then numerous e-mails. And the job that ultimately lets me go gives me the opportunity. Gives me the opportunity to finally say deuces to the long-time job which had been the scenes of my frustration.

Strangely enough after 13 rejections after that one job offer, I’m now running 3 for 4. . Including the job at the bank, and my two current jobs. Yeah one interview was a K as I’d have been back close to “the show”, but was worthwhile regardless. Especially during a time when I started to realize the bank job wasn’t for me.

Ironically that lone K was for a job at a store with the same company i currently work for now. Different location same company it worked out even if I figured it was time to start looking some more.

All the same two years of frustration with the job at the show and job hunting paid off in the long run ultimately. Why is it hard for me to let that go?

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Aphrodite & Fertility

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Aphrodite

one of my female fb friends – who attended that all-girl’s college near my own liberal arts school – posted a pic of a sculpture in a foreign land of the god of fertility. she wanted to tag her classmates and said she rubbed her ovaries. she also considered the ovaries of other career women who just haven’t found the one yet.

now this is the post where i could complain. these were women i attempted to chase around while i went to school there. this wasn’t a very smart move to be sure, but these were women who i expected were about something. i like that in a woman to be honest better that than someone who doesn’t have much going for themselves.

with this said my thought process went the route of they rejected the men for whatever reason who probably would’ve given them babies quickly. i say this as if it’s so simple when it’s not as if these women have their own careers where motherhood and relationships haven’t been their focus. or they just found an excuse to reject available men for good or bad reasons.

i’m tempted to make a reference to this just start a convo and hope that i don’t come on too strong. with that said i want babies too and am very available and thankfully in a better position to actually do this than i have been before. i realize with educated women that i really have to prove myself to become their man.

to speak for myself the ones i had the chance to talk to or even catch myself attempting to get close with them have resulted in reversals. nicole for example was one major reversal and i’ll never get another chance with her. her reasoning on her rejection of me is only for her to know but years ago it hurt because i wanted her to be the “one” for me.

so just as there are some women who are getting up there in the years are still looking for the one so they can have the family. so am i as in my case i’m still a virgin though very available for these women who are looking. of course as is the same for women i have to look for someone i like the best – however i decide that.

perhaps i should set my sights on a career woman who is ready for a relationship and she could be anywhere from 25 to 36. question is whether or not she wants to be wedded to a grocery store clerk/movie theater usher who hopes to advance to a leadership position.

oblivious

denial

sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman  for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.

i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.

for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.

i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.

what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.

sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.

sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.

it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.

why?

v-is-for-virgin

do i write this blog? by a friend this blog has been criticized as a complaining blog. it could be because at times i complained about a job that i left.

i could just as easily complain about the many women i’ve ran into over the years who for whatever reason treated me like sh*t for reasons only they understand. and many of them have moved on to other targets and forgot all about me.

now i try to keep this blog towards the future and turn the page on many past episodes. i tend to remember things even if many people don’t. it’s clear i may not forget and find ways to bring it up although i be careful with those events that still might make me angry.

so the why i do this blog is just as important as this blog’s general identity or direction. for example could this be considered sex blog or not. either way this blog is about someone who’s getting none at all.

also i want you to consider this recent post by the unfortunate male virgin. the comments have been towards why does he blog as much as it has been why women don’t seem to like him. it has helped me start to evaluate why i tell my story.

to move up

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i asked my manager the other day for a survey regarding a transfer to two new local outposts for the store. it’s something i had considered somewhat strongly when i started what if i moved on to another opening store and even better since i knew they were coming. it would be an interesting challenge to see them develop.

all the same i thought in terms of possibly moving up. am i happy where i am job wise, yes. it would be great to move up where i am now, however, it could happen faster if i moved to another location. that would be fine with me and i’d laugh if it was possible to move back to the place i started.

it seems with me every two years since starting my old job at the movie theater, I’ve had opportunities to make manager or at least somewhere on the supervisory level. i could’ve been a “team lead” at the movie theater and never happened before learning later that they eliminated the position. it didn’t seem like a difficult job anyway as we were leaders just under supervisor, however, not the level and less duties. in fact many of the ones who did take on this position ultimately quit the theater near the end of the first year.

two years later i was put on for a management position at a movie theater which was locally owned closer to my house. there had been some drama – unknown to me when i applied and known in the news afterwards – which let me know that i may have dodged a bullet. this was the first of many rejections that i had dwelled on until i finally started at the bank two years later.

funny thing is two years after that i had the opportunity to do a management position at yet another movie theater – a national chain. this was shortly before getting a job offer from the bank. so while i didn’t get the position ultimately it’s a learning experience and it was great to have had the opportunity to do something else if there was ever something i want to do.

let’s see if these opportunities come around for me this year. remember at this point i have two jobs so it may be possible i can be up for promotions at both jobs. especially at a new store.

excuse me if i cross my fingers at least for this year.

Girltalk

Girl TalkIt’s funny how women can just casually talk about people in generally, especially those they have some types of issue with. In the break room one of my supervisors and a woman from another department casually talk about a guy that comes in to help us out from time to time.

The woman from the other department talks about how she’s trying to stay cordial, but this guy keeps trying with her. She already knows they’re not compatible and noted that he’s used to getting his way. Still he’s not getting the hint that it’s not going to happen.

All this woman said was, he works in my department at a different location. The supervisor picks up on who it is and says his name. At this point – thankfully my back is turned – my jaw dropped to the floor hearing about him.

To be sure, he’s a nice guy who’s very good at his job. When I first started working with him, I can’t say I cared for him much. He’s very take charge, very hyper, and yes he knows what to do in a lot of situations. Since I don’t really have work with him often it’s really no big deal we can just work business as usual when he’s gone.

So then they really got to talking about him. Their convo indicates that they really don’t seem to like him that much. Or more accurately they don’t like how he is, for example he can be real touchy they say. The only thing I can say that means is he gets too close to them or he touches them and they don’t like it.

So now it brings to mind how some women have been towards me. Sometimes what they’re thinking comes to the forefront in the worst ways. Most of the time I’m not even thinking about them and yet wow I’m the worst thing ever. Perhaps it’s not exactly like that, but sometimes it’s difficult for me not to think in those terms.

So in other words, women talk to each other and share information about men. Unfortunately depending on the women, they may otherwise act on this information. It may have little to do with the man, but they will find a way to use it against a man fair or unfair. There isn’t much anyone can do about it other than let them talk.

The cousin

9TpkanjTEOriginally this was a second part to another story that I ultimately decided not to share. It was a story about my attempt to make moves on a young woman I had met at school – whom we shall call Nicole. My attempts with her was simply a train-wreck and didn’t end well. In fact, someone I didn’t know had to tell me to back off of her and I did disappointed though not that surprised considering how my attempt was going.

This story was dealing with the aftermath of some of the bad moves I made back then. One of which was talking to family and you never know who’ll get the news and who might decide they’ll try to see what’s what. It happened and the person in question was a cousin – we’ll call her Natalie – with whom I’ve rarely had contact with or better yet we seem to have random run-ins.

Now just so that this won’t be a post where I’ll just discuss the negative about her, she’s generally gregarious and the family basically cares for her greatly. Also she generally had a rough childhood however she’s developed quite nicely. My cousin is a wife and mother and her occupation is in health care. She definitely has her positives but we’ve never really had a positive relationship.

Better yet, because we seem to have these odd infrequent run-ins I generally won’t allow it and at times she may show how she just doesn’t understand. There are more outspoken family members, her way is just with the look on her face showing her disapproval and generally says very little until an more outspoken relative decides to point it out. I’ve started to realize this was quite unfair because I’m not sure what just happened, but whatever.

A few months after my failed attempt with Nicole, my cousin visited my mother at home. This was exactly the weekend I returned to Chicago from school. My cousin had been in town visiting her relatives and her in-laws. When she came over she brought her young son along.

My mother used to complain about the fact that I don’t enjoy speaking to people and on this day had the need to rip me away from what I had been doing in the other part of the house to speak to Natalie. Her excuse was to show footage I had videotaped from the previous year’s family reunion and she told me to bring laptop with me when she came to me she complained again that I need to come up and speak.

So I went to the living room with laptop, and Natalie immediately got very excited to see me – that’s how she often seems to be. Basically just before I set up the laptop she basically starts a rapid fire series of questions such as “how’s school?”, “how are the grades?”, “how are you?” sort of questions which for the most part I only answer OK. Trying not to really have a full on convo, but surely the message here was not in the mood stop!

She finally asked me something different and it wasn’t one I could only answer either yes or no or OK to, “what’s your major?”. I tell her my major but she didn’t follow that line of questioning and decided to make this statement, “i heard you got a little girlfriend!” At that point I was like no, NOT you, NO!!!!!

To be sure there was some form of drama there, but it wasn’t something I really intended to share with anyone. Other than I suppose some of the friends at school, but she decided to go there and had no problem with it. Needless to say when she made her statement there was dead silence in the living room.

Nat: You didn’t know about that?

Me: No!

Nat: *forces herself to laugh* I’m serious! What’s her name?

Me: *continues to focus on laptop in dead silence*

Nat: So you’re not going to tell me?

Me: There isn’t one…

Nat: There isn’t one? *sits back on the couch ending convo*

At that point I hurry up and leave the living room. My mother was sitting there in dead silence herself and seemingly uncomfortable. I estimate that whole attempt of a convo was roughly 30-45 seconds. She got excited, got started, and likely got let down quick.

My mother hadn’t forgotten and just told me off about it later. She claimed to have never seen anything like what she saw on that afternoon. In her opinion I was just ruthlessly cold to her, later my explanation for most of that performance was that she walked into a forbidden subject for which I was not going there with her. In some cases my mother just simply said I could’ve just made up something.

Later on Natalie’s son runs through the house and I look out of my room seeing what was going on. She came and grabbed him hitting me with that same disapproving look she tends to give. It could be attributed to my cold answers to her a few minutes earlier. Or perhaps there was an uncut version of the reunion video that she saw and was never intended to be seen.

Who knows, but at this point she wasn’t too thrilled with me and it was a double whammy in this case. As for the future, Natalie is not exactly the type that would continue to hold a grudge. I might make her angry today, but tomorrow she’ll probably try again and be as friendly as she attempted to be on this day.