A fib

Sorry if this is a bit graphic, just the best illustration of the point for this post.

Three or so years ago I told you that there were some liberties taken with regards to whether or not I actually own my mother’s car. I was spotted once by a couple of coworkers and was even queried about this from a female coworker.

Most recently a coworker asked “what was the most expensive date you ever been on?”

Well I made something up quick and my basis was The Hook-up.

In which case I noted that this was actually a blind date and for some tickets to a comedy show at a downtown live action theater the tickets cost me $70. I also wanted to note that the date didn’t even like me and stated that I tried to compliment her and she was like “thanks”. While he didn’t respond to that at all my story was that this expensive date just didn’t go well. He even asked if she was “bad” and my answer wasn’t so much that she was bad she just wasn’t feeling me.

In the real world of course that date never happened. I just used the “drama” of that situation to create a totally made up story of a date that never happened though somewhat credible. Hopefully most men could relate to the story I tried to tell.

I’m sure there’s a man out there who went all out on a date spending a lot of money and for whatever reason it doesn’t go well. Perhaps in my story I point the finger at the woman, some dates it just goes that way. A woman isn’t feeling the man no matter how much he spends on the date. Either the vibe is right or it’s just not.

Of course as you know since this is based on something I told numerous times which I last discussed back in February. My former coworker I know as the Fiend decided that I needed to go out more and tried to get me to buy some tickets to this comedy show and he tried to present another ex-coworker as the date. Of course in his world because I didn’t do exactly what he asked me to do yours truly blew it.

In reality, I don’t believe she was feeling me. Perhaps she may never knew I was supposed to be her “date”. He was more of the middle man in this as if he tells the story, she called him for an update and realized the show was mostly sold out. And this wasn’t necessarily a blind date for me, I knew who I was supposed to go out with perhaps the other party didn’t. And the more he decided to rub this in the more clear it is to me that this was what he wanted as I was hardly enthused about this.

However, the coworker at my job needs not know the true story behind this. LOL.

The hook-up shoot

Valentine’s Day is coming up so I wanted to retouch bases on something that was somewhat relevant about 10 years ago. I refer to this episode as The Hookup.

About a decade ago, the man I now refer to as the Fiend was trying so hard to get me to buy some theater tickets to see a comedian at a downtown theater in Chicago. Long story short I never got those tickets and by extension I never went out with the young lady I refer to as Greta whom he wanted me to take out. My answer was just a lack of real interest, and he probably picked up on it but was undeterred as this was what he wanted.

Funny thing about this was that he sort of took his foot off the gas on this until according to him Greta called him to ask about this comedy show. I never updated Anthony on it, just simply put it in a pile of things I just didn’t view as a priority. I saw the ticket prices which were much higher than to go to The Show for example and I just thought about the money and definitely put it on a low priority.

Now for one thing, why did Anthony just have this strong belief that I needed to go out more. That was his statement every time I started coming up with excuses and when I tell this story I might emphasize that he’s a bad matchmaker. For whatever reason he wanted to see me with a woman and have made various statements to that end. So he chose for whatever reason Greta, I never chose her. And he was not smart enough to allow things to really develop he just thought get them on this date.

Of course, I can’t say there was a real plan. He never fully revealed his plan other than I was supposed to take Greta out. Of course since the plan didn’t fully get executed I get blamed for it. And overtime – until I finally just stopped communicating with him – he’d find a way to bring it up. In his world, I blew it with Greta and of course I failed to adequately stand up to that decrepit old man. And who knows if that would’ve mattered.

Regardless after over four years from 2013 to about 2017 he’d find a way to bring it up. Usually in response to something that I said, however, increasing he would just bring it up by himself and the last time was during the episode One Final Drop. I just decided my response was to throw back “I blew what? What did I blow?” beyond “I blew it with Greta” there was no answer I just saw his face go blank. And one thing I realized about this is that it was all about him. Usually when he brings it up, often it’s in response to what I had said perhaps something that would lead to him thinking about that time I blew it with Greta. The last time he brought it up with no encouragement from yours truly it was for whatever reason on his mind.

And here is an interesting question to consider. If things worked out and I went on this date and Greta was feeling me or I was feeling her how would this work in the long run? Is this what Ant would want for yours truly? If he was about control and dominance would it be in his best interest for me to have a girlfriend? Something tells me that if things actually did develop between us he’d find a way to sabotage it and perhaps he’d blame me for it in some way.

You know, I had to think about this for a second, there was a time during this period perhaps after this episode that he started to give me some “beauty suggestions”. For example, he suggested I grow a beard like he does and let it go gray. In his words “women like that and it’ll make you look distinguished”. My best answer to that was being young still at the time there was a time for that and I wasn’t there yet. And stating further “I want a babyface”. Which later became a repetitive yet silly debate.

T.F.: You don’t have one

J.V.: But I want one

T.F.: But you don’t have one

J.V.: But I want one

One time we were in an auditorium cleaning having this discussion let’s say there was a break in the “debate” and then he starts right away with “You don’t have one”. Funny thing is after getting a haircut one time Anthony had come over to me and had to state with regards to the babyface remark that he can see it a little bit. He actually gave me that one.

Of course consider one thing. I did refer to him as a decrepit old man. He is not a very good looking man, he’s not aged well. He can groom himself well as there are pics to that effect. However, he’s balding he often has a frown even his smile isn’t that appealing. I like to refer to him as perpetually miserable and it’s on his face. I’m supposed to take that type of advice from him?

Anyway in the next post lets go back to the Streak Era. Later this month 10 years ago I had an interview with the National Theater Chain which I hoped would enable me to finally leave The Show errr $h!tshow. He was somewhat involved with this, however, not a major factor given that well I still walked away from this with no job offer.

Stay tuned.

Streak Era – lessons

Greener pastures

I’m having a tough time writing this post and keeping that as concise as possible.

Well the topic of discussion is about the Streak Era the period of time between 2012 & 2014 where after 15 interviews I only received one job offer. It was such an odd prolonged streak of interviews before finally getting a job for my efforts. Perhaps an ongoing thought whenever this is a topic is how did that happen and yeah there are a few possible explanations.

To start, I give the man I now refer to as the Fiend a lot of credit for how the Streak Era started. It’s hard for me to consider how this period of time would’ve commenced if he hadn’t convinced me to try out for the mgmt gig at the Neighborhood Cinemas. As told already this was something that was not under consideration because on seeing the posting I was neither an experienced mgr nor proficient in spreadsheets. He said go for it anyway I got the experience.

Of course what I wish I knew back then was this allowed him some involvement in my ongoing job search for the next two years. In the early days he couldn’t believe I was working for minimum wage at a cinema. He thought I couldn’t handle teaching after having just met him – and of course consider I was a nice guy allowing him a ride to his home on the southeast side of town. He also thought I ought to be on a yacht enjoying life, suggest if I work at a law firm they could pay for me to go to law school.

Of course some of his job leads from that point forward went downhill from there.

One time he wanted me to do security with him, and I understand he’s still doing that work even now. In early 2013 I accompanied him to a security office near downtown as he interviewed for a position with a large security firm. He didnt get the job as even as he followed up – and he did when I was with him at one point – instead of working in a posh city neighborhood the firm wanted to send him to Michigan. Also consider that this is what he told me after a query from yours truly.

He had prepared an elevator speech, perhaps he tailored it for me. He was talking about there will always be a need for security professionals with great pay and benefits will being offered. He even told the story of an educated man with many graduate degrees who enjoys not having to interact often with the general public, coworkers, and supervisors. Color me unimpressed with his pitch – consider his half-attempt to get me to move from Fresh Foods to Finer’s….

Anyway, let’s just say there were times where he chided me for my lack of progress in my job search and at one point just upped and said I liked it at The Show or $h!tshow. He lets me know someone else was getting more interviews than I had been. He chides me for not taking better advantage of his job leads or for not following up on his leads. It was in him to make it seem like if he didn’t see much progress that my job hunting was a fail. He didn’t mind reminding me of the fail even as the Streak Era began to heat up in the summer of 2014.

There was a time where I leaned on him for leads and the last time I had to really look for a job I had to resist the urge because the Blackout had begun. It seems for that two year period I did OK on my own. It wasn’t any thanks to him and his advice of follow-up or gift-of-gab that allowed me to finally get a job offer from Gotham Bank.

Some of his advice seemed to contradict my determination to leave The Show. For example when I had an interview with the National Theater Chain he advised me to be prepared to walk if I didn’t get a guarantee of some hours. So hold out as a place I want to bail for a better offer? Huh? And if the Fiend had his way with his perception of events I’d really become even more miserable, thankfully with that situation the conversation never progressed to how many hours or how much in wages.

What I wish I knew back then was that he wasn’t a necessary part of my job search. We really weren’t on the same page and his advice often wasn’t that helpful. I was impressed by his ability to walk up to a mgr and talk to them about hiring. Even in his gift-of-gab, I wanted to adopt that and yet I knew it wasn’t a easy talent to master. When he tried to get me to use the gift-of-gab I demurred, perhaps I just wasn’t ready for all that. Perhaps for me I’d rather do that once a hiring mgr calls me to schedule an interview.

He likes follow-up and I told one story about how he wanted me to follow-up after an opportunity falls apart. Basically his strategy is worry a hiring mgr until they hire you of course that’s not a winning strategy if an employer will never hire you.

To hold-out and try to negotiate to take on a role. The way I see it that’s a winning strategy if you move forward in the job search, however, I’ve rarely negotiated wages after I got hired. For me the opportunity was never there in most of the jobs I took on say from Gotham and others I never knew until after I got hired how much my wages will be. And of course to discuss that during an interview seems a bit crude, get hired then talk about wages I’d say.

My conclusion is that this was just another way for him to assert undue influence over as much as where my next job should be or how I should conduct my job search. It seemed sometimes he wanted to steer me in a direction that I should go. Not necessarily where I believe I would fit in best or whatever interested me the most.

Perhaps my options should never have been limited to cinemas, retail, banks or even security. My job search depended upon what I thought of as sure things and of course since it took 15 interviews to find a job it didn’t entirely work that way. I worked as a bank teller and it just didn’t work. I do work at a grocery store and while it’s largely worked out there’s some restlessness on my end. What if I took up the Fiend’s suggestion that I could work at a law firm? Something tells me that he’d still try to argue that the grass is greener elsewhere as far as my own goals.

To let go…

For many years I associated with a man – whom I don’t even consider an enemy or a nemesis – who I now believe just lacked a certain amount of respect for yours truly as a friend. He didn’t exactly earn rightfully his place in my own existence. In fact, I do believe he forced himself in I could push him away and he’d keep coming around.

I suppose in asking myself this question I’m not considering why has this been a frequent subject on this blog. When starting this blog in 2015 what was one of the main things on my mind other than being a male virgin it was the job that I had left behind months earlier at The Show or “$h!tshow” if you prefer. I had that on my mind and the Fiend was still considered a friend so he wasn’t a priority for this blog back then.

Of course let’s just say how my attitude towards him began to change in about two years after I started this blog. Perhaps he just insisted on doing some very objectionable things, things that he should know I’d have a problem with. I often like to say some issues he might decide to blow up ultimately helped to make certain decisions on my end in the future much easier.

I had decided to be blind to the red flags and also wasn’t very stringent in pushing him away as that’s what was really necessary over a decade ago. I cite his job lead to be a mgr at the Neighborhood Cinemas as a key job lead I think our “friendship” got closer in part because of that. Then again how different would my life been if I hadn’t chosen to take him up on that lead? Especially since cinema mgmt was up my alley or of great interest to me at that time.

Good question but I often say there would be no Streak Era if I had never taken up that lead although it resulted in no job offer. It’s hard for me to see how the Streak Era would’ve began although it still took two years to finally get a job offer. Perhaps at the very least he wouldn’t have been the main one in my ear if I had continued to push him away back then. I recognize however that he could be persistent when he’s dead set on something and if he doesn’t accomplish his goal he might not take it very well. Indeed he’s really been talking about me although it’s not like in reality he does it anyway. It’s just his nature…

So anyway I have to ask myself in what way has he really affected me. And I attribute this to how long we’ve associated and it was about six years or so. There were others overtime and some had more antagonism towards me than others. I’ve learned how for many it doesn’t take much for them to turn on me, someone had to tell me that some of those people didn’t turn on me they were fake. I won’t call Anthony fake, I just say for him especially he found his reason and stuck with it, there was a purpose for his connection.

And over four years after after I decided to just stop answering him now my concern has become his response to any allegations he may have heard from me. Example he claims I owe him money for gas for all those rides he’s gotten – gas money was never asked for from him. I never asked him to buy food for me either – as I’ve heard about that via hearsay – although I’ve had to buy his food numerous times. As you see how the story could go, I became an easy mark for him. I was being worked to serve his purposes.

One thing that problem should be thought about with regards to the gas money story is that this is his response to his using me. To start our situationship asking for money in the first place over a year before trying to get that mgmt job at another cinema. He knew what he wanted from me and although it didn’t go smoothly I wasn’t trying that hard to get rid of him just avoided him as best as I could only for him to continue coming up with excuses to come around.

Another thing I’ve said over time, I believed that he wanted to replace my mother with himself. Well I find that a bit fantastical now. Although what I will note is upon mention of “mother” he would express a certain amount of disdain. I do believe he thinks she’s holding me back, now I would push back on that and say she’s not stopping me from doing what I want to do. It’s not her fault I’m still at home and a bachelor. His attempted prodding didn’t result in me living in my own place and more independently. At the same time I get the feeling if I did start living more independently and with him hanging around I’d get more of his domineering personality.

Sadly I feel as if sometimes we’re just different sides of the same coin. Perhaps our psychologies are the same yet different. Perhaps we’re just feeding off each other and it wasn’t very healthy. Won’t speak for him, though I will speak for myself. I’d say he’s the least healthiest because I do think he’s continuing to drive the conflict while I respond and it’s me who’s “obsessed”.

The question now is well how do I fully let go? I’ve cut off contact with him so he may call and I won’t answer. He should know that, and evidently he does at the same time he doesn’t mind confronting you and even knowing it might not entirely help the situation. I know me confronting him won’t help the situation. Might make it worse more for me than him.

I suppose cutting contact is easy, yet the lingering conflict well that’s hard. Though it’s time to fully let go, perhaps one day he’ll recognize this. To hold onto this rather odd personal conflict could hurt my progress more than anything. Maybe it’s time to look at it as a major distraction!

September 2012 – The Streak Era

You know I’ve been trying to figure out how to really discuss this part of the last decade. And I do want to lead into some current updates although I will shave that for another posting. 2012 seems like a world away, and thankfully it’s in the distant past.

Most this takes place at my former employer The Show or $h!tplace. And going into this month I found out that my ticket out of The Show – well one could call it The $h!tshow – was torn up. I’m talking about my mgmt interview with the neighborhood cinema. The payoff that would allow me to flip The $h!tshow the bird, now The Show was flipping me the bird as it seemed during 2012.

I had a really strange past year from 2011 to 2012 up to that point and unfortunately I had a knack for really having issues with people. From my end, there were people going around and just starting something. You correct them and then they just dig in.

Anthony aka The Fiend or The Hustler was trying very hard to sink his teeth into yours truly and it was starting to work. How did he do it? Well by being a ‘disappointed father”. Some elements of that persona came out and soon it would be further exposed, however, I believe he wanted to put me into his confidence. Of course it still let to him exposing his programming i.e. the begging.

There was a character you might have heard about on this blog occasionally that I often refer to as D.B. For him I put him in about the same category as The Fiend. Deranged Barney however exposed himself far quicker than Anthony had. And of course Barney just had no idea how to just back off and to correct him only seemed to encourage him.

There were the meangirls of $h!tplace or the meangirls of the $h!tshow and as I’ve generally described them, I view them as a collective. Those types of women feed off each other if one is upset with someone then they’re all upset with someone. The same mentality, roughly the same age, and often the same ethnicity.

The situation with mgmt at The Show was starting to turn and it helps that some new blood was being promoted and that leads to the start of the Streak Era. I was interested in mgmt, however, it seemed like a small cabal of people were getting the positions. I won’t call that a tight knit group because some of them didn’t work out in the long run. However, perhaps they knew how to play the game and mgmt wanted to bring them up. And this frustrated me of course perhaps I needed to do the work myself and whatever I tried to do to get their attention wasn’t working. Perhaps blinders on their part and perhaps just not knowing what they wanted.

Anyway, this is why I did pursue the mgmt gig at the neighborhood cinema. And I know that you’ve seen this story on the blog often so no need to rehash the story. Just say that until I finally left The $h!tshow this was a great let down. You know come to think of it, I almost didn’t go for it.

The job posting on the neighborhood cinema’s website at the time was very vague. What kinds of managers were they looking for? Are they looking for someone to manage certain aspects of the business, where they looking for someone who could run the whole operation, or perhaps they were looking for mere supervisors to be present with the associates on the floor? Well I didn’t have a real idea what they were looking for other than experienced managers with experience in utilizing PC speadsheets. Well my spreadsheet skills were not that great so I cancelled myself out of this.

To Anthony’s credit – and perhaps to his programming which was his need to pull yours truly in – he thought this was a good opportunity for me with the idea that I got the experience. He knew I had the interest and was a customer at that cinema. He claimed to know the principals up there including the ownership. I depended upon him to put in a good word for yours truly. So perhaps earlier that summer I sent in a resume and cover letter via email and waited most of that odd summer. That summer was set up in shorthand, soooooo I won’t go over it again. At the same time yours truly was ready to get that show on the road, and meanwhile the cinema owner whom I would be interviewing with was taking her time….

In short order I did get an interview, went on said interview, and after waiting no more than two weeks for an update – and with Ant’s insistence on any updates from me – I didn’t get the job. And this was a blow which at the time meant that I was stuck at The Show awhile longer. Sadly I got myself into hairy situations with mgmt it seemed like they were trying to build a case against me.

There was a senior mgr I like to refer to as the Head B!tch in Charge. I call her that because I was being counted down in box one shift and she and her fellow mgr were talking about how she can be a b!tch. Her response is I am a b!tch. And over the years she absolutely exposed that attitude towards a number of coworkers. I witnessed one incident firsthand.

So anyway I had a few incidents of her increasing b!tchiness up until I finally left The Sh!tshow. And of course she was trying to be a bit more conversant than confrontational on my way out the door. In fact she left at roughly the same time as I did two years later. I didn’t entirely understand the about face, but let’s just say my read of our interactions was that she didn’t mind taking out her own frustrations on yours truly. Perhaps I’ll write about it someday.

Of course this period where I started to clash with the House Manager, he was the right hand man of the General Manager. I won’t say much about how we interacted, however, the worst interaction we had was something written on this blog entitled “Petty“.

The Teletubby is back!

Also I want to add that in the case of DB in the previous month we had our final falling out and it helped get him out. Of course what I will say for my part is that I fell to his level. It seems to me that he wanted problems and from my observation he wasn’t going to slow down. He was just incapable, however, I attribute that to the fact that he’s troubled and me I wanted to correct him. Problem is that there is no correcting someone like him, and especially if he doesn’t respect you in the first place. Perhaps one day you’ll see more about that rather odd workplace conflict.

One thing I will say about mgmt is that with DB, they did the right thing. It was strange that they didn’t also get rid of me, and Anthony in one of the more correct statements he’s ever made to yours truly they likely didn’t do that to stick up for me. Mgmts behavior towards me after that showed it.

Anthony was tired me of continuing to take shots at Barney, however, years later he’d turn around and use it against me.  Stories of me going at it with DB was evidence for him that I had “lost all control” and he started mentioning it at a time when I relieved believed the “sky was the limit”. For Anthony’s statements with regards to this era is that if I had learned from these experiences, then I shouldn’t have to continue to answer for them. One has to take these experiences and become a better worker or a better person.

Of course his attitude towards me, five years later, was 180° from what I allowed myself to believe it was during this period. Overtime, he just became less of a friend who I thought was behind me to more of a disappointed father figure as time went on. Perhaps there was a period where this went back and forth on his end until there was a point where he just turned very negative.

Still, 10 years later some changes made. Changed jobs, cut some ties to bad people, learning the lessons of the past, perhaps handling certain situations better than I had then, perhaps learning to defuse conflicts, avoiding as best as possible others whose only purpose is to cause disruptions, and don’t fall onto others more negative levels. I think going through that period has led me to a better place today.

Oh yeah I promise in the next post I will tell you what’s going on 10 years later in Sept. 2022. I didn’t get a “payoff” them. Is it possible to get a “payoff” now…

Trolled

You know there was a story I wanted to tell and am not sure how I wanted to tell it.

First I was told by this coworker that I need to stop taking my own shots at the Fiend. What was the point of my shots? Well the last one was about Anthony’s unwillingness to let go. I’ve had to learn in this current period and even in the past is that if he feels the need to respond he will. Often the response will be the type of shot that hits below the belt.

Perhaps to whatever I say, he has to respond to it. More accurately he will deflect from it, making an even bigger accusation from it. Example, I owe him money because he gave me money for gas. Well I could respond to that by saying well if you weren’t hustling rides off me then you wouldn’t have to give me any gas money. Of course in reality whenever he rode around in my mother’s car with me, he’s never offered any cash for gas to begin with. Anthony is full of absolute garbage…i.e $h!t.

He allegedly said one thing that might cause a fight which I heard second hand he believes that my mother won’t let me go out and date. It sounds like he believe she’s a hindrance, but more of a hindrance to what he wants for yours truly. Remember a while ago I’ve just had to decide that he likely wants to replace her with himself. I would dare say he had the influence he wanted anyway of course for external reasons that really has very little to do with him, he’s since lost that edge. Hence what I hear about some of the fantastical things he wants to discuss behind my back.

I know I often said a lot of what’s being discussed is second hand although it’s tended to be credible because well I’ve already had hints of it in the past. He’s already said some things to me in the past and while in my mindset I often didn’t want to check him for it. It could be done to just inflame tensions via a third party, or it could be Anthony doing the most childish thing and just saying anything to start a fight.

Anything, sounds like someone somewhat familiar. Just saying anything that could stick or in this case to stir the pot.

Worse still you find yourself in an abyss where there is just no end. Shutting him up just is more of a difficulty than it is a solution. You talk, he talks more it just never ends. Perhaps in his case I’m feeding a troll. Worse still it’s not so much that everyone else will shut the other party up they’ll tell you enough. They’re story becomes you’re obsessed. Everyone will stop listening and it seems everyone will continue listening to the troll.

Perhaps the Fiend is nothing more than a troll. Perhaps Anthony for whatever reasons wants a confrontation, a fight of some sorts. Perhaps it’s his own way of trying to regain his dominance and control. He’s got one thing right that I’ve considered over the years, he knows a lot about yours truly. He will use some of that against me, things that have been said or things he’s been trying to figure out. He just has that need meanwhile, I see a man who’s life is really $h!t enough to decide it’s OK to wreck someone else’s. Another one who has very little to lose.

Another thing I heard second hand was that I told him that I had been robbed. That took place 20 years ago but he’s discussing this and even the third party decided to have a bit of fun with it. I think that’s living rent-free in Ant’s head to say I’m weak compared to him. Another second hand thing said was he outright inquired “where’s that little pu$$y at?”

I heard recently that he’s working security somewhere near where I work in downtown Chicago. And furthermore he’s possibly commuting into downtown through one of the commuter train stations that’s nearby. I had been under the impression – well his words to me at one point – that he was done with working in downtown Chicago. He also liked to talk about retiring of course from what I know about him, retiring with what. That’s none of my business, he just strikes me as someone just dependent upon social security and it seems he sneezes as the idea of benefits of any kind as he just wants to get paid.

So I guess right now he’s still got to work and he’s going where the jobs are for now.

I’ll update you if I run into him. The last time that happened well I wrote about it. He was working security and ran into him at a hardware store. It was awkward and my own behavior should’ve told him things changed…

Bad financial advice or “work”

Two write this I’m considering who was giving financial advice not necessarily if it was bad advice. For example there is a saying don’t accept financial advice from someone who’s broke. Well I was in that situation once.

The Fiend in addition to giving me advice on jobs especially the last one where after establishing myself he decided to just swing a convo to changing jobs for more money he would offer financial advice. In the beginning it was  trying to convince me to take my money out of the community bank where my mother set up my accounts in my teenaged years and put it instead in a credit union. Of course as fate had it, my community bank failed and now my money is in a credit union.

Another piece of advice was he wanted me to do business with a tax preparer of his choosing so that I could get a much larger tax refund. His sales pitch was that the first one was free. His justification for this was that he wanted me to get a larger tax refund so that I can get a car and a place. Basically get me away from my mother….

My way of killing that was to tell him that I get my taxes prepared for free anyway. My mother sends my tax info to a CPA every year along with her own information. I’ve never paid a dime for his services and well I’ve only met him earlier this year. 😛

I know what you’re thinking, yours truly is too old to be an entitled brat. Bear with me here.

I think his financial advice or in working me was more or less really about getting me to spend money. It could be to spend it on him because likely he doesn’t have any. Or perhaps he does he just likes to hustle people, bad trait of character and I heard it from somewhere. Just not from him…

I tell my mother this and she might state I may get a larger tax refund but I’d pay for it later. Meaning like the refunds I have now once the IRS corrects that money won’t be mine for long. They’ll find a way to get that money right back if I try to play the system as Ant wanted me to do by going with his tax preparer.

Remember the Hook up story? It was also a means to get me to spend money. He wanted me to buy some tickets for that comedy show with a woman whom we worked with. He wanted me to really go out and whatever I did outside of work alone wasn’t good enough. And of course if things had worked out as he’s working me I’d be spending money on that woman.

His work might be about independence and having something that’s yours – as opposed to living at home with momma – and I think there was an ulterior motive. I do think he wanted to pull me away from my mother, and he wanted to replace her. His goal was to be a father figure although in reality it was in his programming to engage in hustlin…

That’s it isn’t it. The bad financial advice was to create the opportunity for me to become beholden to him. Taking advantage of his job leads and of course his financial advice and his insistence on me following his own plan – get a car and get a place – is part of his game. Remember he’s decided in effectively exposing himself that he needed to be my father figure, my male mentor.

In other words dominance and control and perhaps even eliminate anyone who might be a better influence. Those who could interfere with his game perhaps my gains after leaving The Show caused him some concern over whether or not I might still play his game.

I’d say any advice in his work he had to offer from the workplace to the job search to even financial matters – which I recognize he was only interested in for rather selfish reasons – was only for his benefit not my own. And unfortunately I fell for the trap. 😦

In memoriam

I found out this morning that one of my aunts passed away. My mother was on the phone taking with her sisters and I already picked up some details. It involved her on a highway near our family’s southern hometown and it involved a car hitting her.

I know a few other details when my mother summoned me. I didn’t want to comment nor really speak about it. She may have noticed.

I’ve hinted at this aunt as she’s the mother of two sisters Natalie and Natasha. Natalie has been more of a feature on this blog since it started as I view our relationship to be not antagonistic, though occasionally we’ve had some strange run-ins. I effectively pushed her away even if she feels as if she’s had to reach out in some way.

Anyway a friend suggested that I call my aunt Minerva and the official story was that she was walking along a highway in our family’s hometown in the wee hours of the morning got hit by a car. The driver stopped and saw her body nearby and well they seemed to have called a coroner for her. She may have died instantly…

With this said Minerva was mentally ill and also it’s safe to say she wasn’t in robust health. The last time I recall seeing her was at family reunions the one in our family’s hometown and another in Georgia. I haven’t really seen Natasha in a few years though we’ve exchanged texts occasionally. Nat I haven’t seen in over a decade and our last communication was when she got blown off when she tried to congratulate me on my graduation and when called the house looking for my mother.

Well I have no direct way of getting touch with Nat and I did send a message to Tasha and if you want to know what was said I’ll only say this – less is more :). I did hear from my mother as least that Natalie did want her involved in the obituary – this wasn’t direct if nothing else just hearsay. She would tell me if she heard directly with Nat.

My mother didn’t mind letting me know that both Tasha’s and Nat’s mothers-in-laws had passed away within a short period of each other. And now their mother, to be honest since both are so different even in appearance it’s very easy to forget that they’re sisters. Perhaps in their own way they’re both marked by their personal relationships with Minerva. It’s might be one reason why I’m so distant from Nat even if she feels so inclined at one point to reach out to yours truly and then yet I make some social faux pas and she gets upset.

I must say however that their current relationships with their mother I do believe was strained. Sadly as indicated Minerva was mentally ill, why was she out to get hit by a car in the wee hours of the morning…unknown. I just remember that last time she was here in Chicago she’s just restless can’t settle down. Mother even just simply said Minerva doesn’t sleep. zzzz

To be honest for me to have her around was a bit of a pain and add to that my own uneasiness around mentally ill people. One has no idea what they’ll come up with and how they respond to it. Then again she’s someone who’s as clear as day and there are some who I probably couldn’t identify as mentally ill who I could describe the same way – no idea what they’ll come up with and how they respond.

So anyway who knows what arrangements are being made, however, as long as this goes on there are a few sad days ahead.

Fatherhood

I wanted to return to a theme that was considered recently. We’re calling back to the issue from the episode Faith. And I have to mention an old Fiend again.

One of his parting statements during the last period that I remained in contact with Anthony was to just ask at random “When are you going to have children so I can relate to you better?” I could’ve just admonished him for that instead I just rolled with it and said I’m working on it. However, what does he care?

He connected with me knowing this and still finds this to be a problem for him. Especially for his last moment of begging that he wanted to borrow money for his son.

Anyway I think about this more now. Family  – and Anthony isn’t family by no means – expect you to go out get into a relationship, have children and may not always care about whether or not you’re married. I don’t feel that pressure from my family they may ask and I say know although there are rumblings of people who want to know what’s going on. They may wonder if there is something legit wrong with me, although, there are other family member with worse issues than me.

My stance on this issue is no one should force you to have kids unless you’re ready. At a different time I’d be like I can’t wait to have my first son, however, the more I think about it the more concerned I get. Perhaps yours truly isn’t that sure he’d make a good father. And most importantly would I want to have a baby with anybody just to satisfy someone else’s want to see me settled with a family.

It probably isn’t exactly unknown among family that Jack V is a kissless and sexless virgin. I’ve never been known to have a girl hanging around or even known to have many female friends. So unknown to me people conclude what they will, right or wrong.

Perhaps producing a child shouldn’t the mark of manhood. You’re not successful because you knocked up some woman and that produced a baby. Consider me old fashioned, I want marriage a full stable family so that the child will be raised with hopefully a solid set of values. At the same time, I want my son (or God forbid a daughter) to have real respect for people and not act as if their emotional whims are more important than respect for others. I want to raise them to be successful in their lives in whatever they do.

At the same time even in my family I recognize those who didn’t quite do well in their lives and it could be attributed somewhat to their own upbringing. I could point out uncles, aunts, or cousins for example. So at this stage perhaps I have fear & doubt over my own ability to raise successful children.

I feel as if the older I get the opportunities to still have children are beginning to dwindle. I’m also glad that there are no children around for me to be worried about financially or otherwise. It’s something I still desire but at this point there are other milestones that take on far greater importance than that. No one can pressure me into something I will not do and will only do that for myself and no one else’s sensibilities.

Come to think of it, there needs to be another Fear and Doubt episode in the near future.

May 2014

I guess to continue ranting. Last month I wrote about my experience during the Streak Era where I tried to get a job with my mother’s company and although she was a higher up it just didn’t work. Just had to be late and the hiring manager proved to be a stickler for time and note that I tried to be responsible let that person know I was running behind.

Well for the moment I want to go back to an old standby story which was Anthony’s strange fixation on yours truly getting an interview with Finer Foods. So my interview with that neighborhood bank occurred early in May 2014. Sometime after that I gave Ant a call just to tell him about my visit to the cinema where we both tried to get jobs as managers.

Now I mention fixation. So prior to my interview with that bank he had been trying to call me or even sending me texts urging me to call his Finer’s contact. I tried to explain my actions via email to him even allowed that I could’ve followed up but his only response which was incomplete was still “When you call [Finer’s contact]”. The response to anything I say about this topic was never going to be to his satisfaction unless I did what he wanted me to do.

I know I told this story enough times the basic gist was he was worrying me about Finer’s at some point in the late winter months. I gave in because the Streak Era had seemingly stalled again and looked to him for a lead. He asked what happened with Finer’s I told him and he got to work. He told me to call his store manager and get an interview which long story short I did.

So I go up for the interview on a cold morning on the northwest side of Chicago and was hungry got lost on the way once I got off the bus. Was a bit late because of a course correction. And once I got to that store was kept waiting until an employee – not sure if she was even a manager – comes to speak to me asks if I was certain I was meeting with store manager. About an hour after I arrived she finally tells me the store mgr was doing a walk with his boss and he won’t be meeting with me wasting my time.

I was teed off, however, I was not very willing to just walk out. It would be fine with me if they told me something although it was become apparent as the waiting continued this was going to be a wash. They told me something finally instead of just keeping me waiting I shoot Anthony a quick text about the situation he tried to call me was in no mood just moved on. Until maybe two days after.

When he calls me and just wants to know what happened with the interview. Basically my text giving him a quick update wasn’t satisfactory enough. I attempt to explain he seems to interject with questions which I try to address, however, he finally arrives at “So did you call them?”. My answer was the wrong one and he gets livid letting me know that he heard I never followed up. Was just too frustrated and teed off to even think about that. Now this is where the disappointed father kicks in, he tells me to call them tomorrow and although I tell him to call me tomorrow he just hangs up.

After that he started trying to get updates making phone calls that I don’t answer or sending texts I won’t respond to. Again fixated on me getting up to his store on the northwest side of Chicago. He wants to know what happened after the last time we talk and no there was no follow-up my mind was on they needed to call me. Besides I had called them and essentially got nothing for it!

That was until I called him later trying to get things back to normal at the time. Started off talking about my recent visit to the theater we both tried to get jobs and he didn’t even acknowledge his next thought become “What happened with Finer’s?” Again just fixated on that whole drama and at that point the interview with that bank was behind me and I’m unsure when I finally told him about it. Don’t think it was that moment.

I’m sure I gave him as close to the shorthand version of what happened however he starts to analyze this. According to him he knew I was teed off, but now they owe me. He mentioned the whole situation about the store mgr with his boss. However, he goes further by stating that they fed me a line I accepted that and they sent me on my way. And then he tried to stir up some drama by stating that I tried to blame him for what happened because I just stopped communicating with him at that point.

My only response was to stop him from taking over the convo and just let him know that I wasn’t blaming him. Of course in my email I did take issue with how he flew off the handle when he called me sometime later after the non-interview. Of course he doesn’t address that he just says call his contact. One thing I have said overtime on this is that while he can’t be blamed for what his mgmt did as far as my interview, my issue was with his behavior immediately afterwards. However, I never quite went there in this convo just told him for the interview I didn’t blame him for that.

So we talk about other things and I want to tell you about one weird moment in our convo. Was trying to agree with him on something but I heard him growl over the phone which irritated me. Forget the subject hell he didn’t even express irritation with what was being said. The message for me with that growl was more or less just shut up and listen I’m not done talking or your point doesn’t matter.

Disappointed father….

I ask him if he’s meditating. He says “I’m listening”, but was so annoyed by his action I just tell him I’m done. He just keeps making his point as if nothing I said penetrated. Don’t even remember what we were talking about for his final point. Eventually the convo began to wind down and he suggested again that I call his Finer’s contact tomorrow.

This time I didn’t acknowledge his last request only stating “I’ll talk to you later”. Only he knows his response to my parting statement as we ended the call. He didn’t quite acknowledge my response at that point, however, it just shows how fixated he became on this issue. He was fixated that I start telling him about other banking interviews during the rest of 2014 he still felt the need to state “I really need you to call [Finer’s contact]”. So at that point it was probably about August or September and was some time away from finally getting a job offer with Gotham Bank.

Now in that instance all I did was get a phone number and with no plans to even follow up with this it was just filed away. This information is still around the house somewhere. 😛

Also consider that after that Finer’s episode where I got no interview he “arranged” for me to have an interview at another store he worked at near downtown Chicago which still resulted in no job offer. And while he did try to update me or even urge me to follow-up with them he wasn’t as all over this as he had been with Finer’s. And also note that over two years after the fact he still needed to ask what happened with that and led to his attempt to get your’s truly to jump ship from Fresh Foods to Finer Foods.

What a strange series of events with this guy. And again disappointed father, just a domineering man who feels as if it’s his role to call all the shots. What did I get out of this? Well let me see rides in my mother’s vehicle, me giving him small cash infusions, and occasionally free lunch on my dime. And with  not much respect for my efforts.

Have I said enough times I’m glad to have finally cut ties with him.