Dojo

So back when we were a bit distant from each other the man I now refer to as the Fiend kept coming around basically trying to connect. So one night at work he pulled me aside and invited me to come to his martial arts school or dojo. I likely asked how much and all he would say is “we’ll talk about it”.

Ultimately I never took him up on his offer. Often my excuse was could I afford this or is this something I wanted to do. However during that period of time 2011 into early 2012 I just wasn’t sure of him. As stated often here, the red flags were flying as he kept coming around and some elements of his Fiend personality came out especially the disappointed father. He wanted to get all in your head and your life and I felt as if he crossed so many lines. Sadly I allowed a lot of this just couldn’t believe that he would get so into whatever he wanted to get into. Also he positioned himself as a valuable if not volatile ally.

Either way perhaps the money thing and my distrust of him worked in tandem. However, I think the distrust thing sort of subsided as time went on even if there were still reasons to distrust him which was also true back when we were friends. Even when we were “friends” some of his actions weren’t exactly friendly.

Of course agree or disagree with me but I’ve written quite a few of those stories here.

Anyway back over 10 years ago he was trying very hard to connect and he wanted me to know that he’s very heavy into martial arts. What I do remember is according to his claim that martial arts were all he knew. Everything revolved around martial arts, he even knew what moves an actor uses in a movie fight scene. He also told me that he owned a martial arts school and also remember I wrote a story about his attempt to get some money from me for his school. I didn’t deny him sadly, but then I also didn’t work that hard to accommodate him.

Anyway, in the time after he tried to beg money from yours truly after starting at The Show, this is probably when I should have recognized how lucrative his martial arts school wasn’t. Who knows this small cash infusion was really for himself and not this school. Still you can see how uninterested in going to his school I was.

Another consideration is that being somewhat familiar with that neighborhood. In fact his school wasn’t too far away from where I worked at Gotham Bank. That neighborhood was very sketchy and I didn’t enjoy having to close down that bank at night nor having to be there early in the morning before the branch was open to employees for the day. And I hardly wanted to come there to study martial arts especially at night.

I had went there twice as Anthony wanted me to help him with a project that he saw through by summer. He was organizing an event at the same neighborhood cinema where we both tried to get mgmt jobs. He wanted me to meet his “business partner” at the dojo and one day I did meet with him to just jot down notes. In reality I feel as if there was no real need for me to be there.

Actually on the day we were supposed to go to his school to meet with his business partner we just were hanging around downtown Chicago doing absolutely nothing but killing time. I finally got tired and asked him when were we going to the school. From what I recall he never said when we were going he just said we were going to meet at his dojo but he wanted to make some stops downtown.

We were just going from store to store and ate lunch somewhere. He made phone calls following up on job leads. Even went to some museum run cinema downtown to jawjack, with him about to leave at one point then stopping before we left so that he went back into the cinema to do more jawjacking. Eventually we went back to the south side and waited a few hours before we just called it a day. We met with his business partner on a Saturday. He also said he’d compensate me for my time although as you know it seems he has a knack for insuring that I pay him for his.

To that last statement i.e. he didn’t compensate me.

The last time the subject of me becoming a student at his dojo came up during the episode of The next to last drop…. The subject of me studying a martial art came up and he made sure to mention he was trying to get me to come to his school. Then out of nowhere I said, “I didn’t want to come to your school”.

At that point he just stops talking, stops walking, stares at me and then continues his conversation. He noted one place I could go to which sounded like it was connected with a church. He never connected me with them though which is another pattern he had begun to establish and perhaps I didn’t have any great interest anyway.

Also if you want to know the place where Anthony’s dojo was located is now a vacant lot. It was very shocking seeing while driving around one day that the building that housed his school had been demolished. If that school survives, I do not know where it’s currently located. I can’t even say for sure that the Fiend is still even associated with that school, if he ever really was as a business partner.

As you can see a lot of the things the Fiend had claimed when we were still talking I began to view with a grain of salt now. Some of this could be lies, hot air, or even delusions though that’s not to say there’s things said that weren’t at all truthful.

November 2017

This month I had two interviews after the Climax of the Reign of Error. Both were with the national theater chain and especially the cinema that’s referred to as the Dine-in Show I formerly worked for the previous year 2016. Neither one panned out as far as a job.

One hiring manager for the Dine-In Show seemed a bit funny speaking with a former coworker there who in spite of my statements noticed that the hiring manager jotted down in his noted my “limited availability”. To be honest that wasn’t a good interview and neither was the other one I had with a cinema that was closest to the Hole. The manager there was a difficult read though as always I kept up my optimism.

Remember what I have been talking about for most of 2021. Earlier in ’17 I had to hear a relatively insistent barrage of Anthony telling me that “if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money”. One time I snapped at him because even after talking learning buying he still found a way to inject that quote in the convo. Of course there were two other instances where he found a way to bring this up, the last time was during the time where he wanted to borrow some money asking out of nowhere “are you thinking about JUMPING SHIP YET?”

To be fair I’m not sure where this was coming from. And I’m sure that his campaign which started long before Fresh Foods and even Finer’s started making some changes had to have been out of not really being able to let go of what happened about three years earlier when he tried to get me on at his store. It was very strange to have to explain myself again and I had difficulty explaining myself to him years earlier because he was more determined to $h!t on me for not doing everything possible to get an interview let alone get a job. Really oblivious to the fact that it’s hard to worry a hiring if they’ve just immediately showed you how much of a priority you were.

Anyway, after leaving the Hole I had applied to a few outposts for Finer’s and even a few subsidiaries. Just like a few years earlier when I did actually interview with Finer’s at a hiring office on the north side of town it seemed like there were some extra steps to even get an interview. They wanted me to call some number in order to schedule an interview. Well allow me to be irresponsible here, but I’m so glad I saved my money and even the last bit of compensation from Fresh to have no sense of urgency to have to work at Finer’s.

Another thing to consider is that unlike the streak era where Anthony wanted to be all over me finding a job away from The Show – even going so far to try to offer advice that wasn’t very conducive to me finding a job elsewhere – that I didn’t want to involve him. That’s why I had a communications blackout with him in the first place because I really didn’t want to tell him about the climax. I didn’t want him to know about the drama and how it consumed me and hear his own negative opinions about it.

Besides now I wanted to find something else and while at that point it wasn’t about making it to the next level I also knew his job leads likely won’t be that great. They weren’t great in the first place and in thinking about the references episode I got the feeling he would find a way to hold me back.

Another consideration with the Finer’s deal was the difficulty in getting hired back in 2014. Anthony’s insistence on me going to his store and the difficulty with that and his own response to what happened. It was enough for me to back away although later on he still tried to get me back to that. It was strange and odd and perhaps just his way of going back to the past because he never fully was able to let it go.

I feel as if from the summer of ’17 through the holidays after the climax just set the tone for the blackout and ultimately me cutting ties to the man I know refer to as the Fiend. My situationship with him hardly was of any major benefit to me. It might have helped get me an interview to be a cinema mgr or even his insistence might have helped me stay focused on leaving The Show. At the same time it was a lot of negativity and retreads and even some bad leads and worse still we just were never going to be on the same page.

He always had his own ideas which he thought was a better idea as evidenced by his earlier comment before that campaign that “I think you’ll like Finer’s better!” I rejected that immediately only for him to throw in the money deal. Which I can’t tell you for certain if he was right.

Could it be the union? I’ve heard the union for Finer’s isn’t that great. I always though make more money means negotiating and Anthony had sold himself as a great negotiator and found out that his pay wasn’t that much better than mine. I mean just about $100 or $200 more than mine which causes me to think is he getting any benefits because I know he doesn’t care about benefits. And it causes me to wonder if he was lying about going to Finer’s for benefits for his own son – which he borrowed money that summer for.

I suppose for me while I was still at Fresh Foods I didn’t have a concept of how much “more” money Finer’s could offer to pay me. In reality I wasn’t interested but who knows they would have to offer some game changing money that for whatever reason Ant wasn’t getting when he was working for them.

At least for me before the climax the bet I was making was that a new position in buying would get me closer to that game changing money. We also saw how that worked out although I was working towards that Ant turned around and started talking about jumping ship. Like I said we were on entirely two different pages and we just were never going to be even remotely on the same planet.

Anyway to round this up I was looking at cinemas, retail, temp agencies or even transportation. I was looking at railroads especially, wouldn’t mind being a conductor or engineer and I do like to travel. Of course I know about the scheduling it probably could be a struggle.

Imagine being called up at any time to go to work. Sometimes it might be daytime or sometimes it might be nighttime. And transportation runs 24/7 although now is probably a good time to get into that industry as I know truck drivers are in demand. Who knows the air, rail and shipping industries are looking for people too. Hopefully that will involve game changing money as well.

Meanwhile as far as November 2017 goes I just had to stay optimistic….

Back to the modern day for the moment

As I write this my mother is at home after an almost week stay in the hospital. She had an episode right in front of me where she “passed out”. As far as I’m concerned she was still conscious, however, as she tried to get into her car for her regular appointment I noticed that her head wasn’t steady and then she fell. Had a gash on her head for her trouble which was stapled by the E.R. and spend one night in the hospital.

Fast forward to when she returned to the E.R. to get the staples out and a few days after that she gets a call from the hospital. They gave her a heart monitor due to her episodes with “passing out”. They found something that likely occurred while she was asleep and told her to come to the E.R. as soon as possible and that turned into seven days. Seven days I was home alone taking the car to work as I had been for a while a lot of my schedule lately were early mornings. Most of the days she had been away I was working and my next off day was when I could take her home from the hospital.

Aside from talking about work or even my “situationship” what have I often discussed – financial independence. This episode causes me to further work to get my affairs in order and who knows when the inevitable will happen. I want her to see me get my affairs in order before she goes. Sadly dad isn’t here to see how my life turned out and while my mother was in the hospital she noted his recent birthday.

This is one reason why I have been saving the money I have been. I was asking questions about paying property taxes here in Chicago they’re due twice a year and the county won’t allow you to pay in advance. In fact my mother was upset that she just let the deadline to pay the property taxes slip by and I was able to share a link to paying those bills online so she got them done. At least the house is paid for and my mother isn’t prone to putting a home equity loan just to have some extra cash thankfully.

Right now the house isn’t so lonely, however, I need to stop being so hesitant or cautious as far as moving forward with my life. I think I’ve stuck around at home long enough. I can still help her when I can and she does have another son who lives with his own family halfway across America who has the “perfect life”.

I’m just sorry that these ongoing health issues and even the loss of her job at a neighborhood bank earlier that year had somewhat derailed the plans that I started to lay once I left The Show. It’s not her fault it’s just the situation and of course I’ve ran into some other setbacks as well in addition to the more pressing setbacks.

Perhaps I’m coming off as selfish but I recognize how I hadn’t really progressed the way I would’ve liked to. Perhaps I should’ve been in my own place or certainly have been able to secure a much better job by now. The issue now is to just get started.

Also I dreamed about my dad one night. Probably as a result of a convo I had with my mother the night before. Over the summer an uncle – one of my dad’s brothers – had passed away. I saw an unrecognizable name amongst the brothers and sisters and she talked about how dad actually talked to this then unknown to me half-brother and also got a cousin from his mother’s side of his family tree to come to our home to visit. One good thing about dad was that he was willing to talk with his mother’s side of the family.

In any case the dream was that my dad was driving mom’s current car. Part of me wanted to ask him how was it driving the car. One weird thing about my dad is that he really didn’t want my mom to own a car, he wanted to be the only one with a vehicle. Anyway to even think of asking a question is just recognizing that he had been away for a while. I seem to have a tendency to dream about him as if the events of over 20 years ago never happened.

Another strange thing about these dreams is that with him around I’m still at home. On the ride with my dad I was sitting in the back seat with mom riding shotgun. I have been convinced that if he was still around more than likely I wouldn’t still be at home. Perhaps I’d be in the military as it’s very likely he’d have been an influence in that decision.

Regardless I was in teenager mode in the dream which was certainly the last time he had seen me when he was living. Sometimes I like having those types of dreams.

Climax revisited

Another critical thing that happened this month during the past decade was my dismissal from the Hole. I call that day now and forever the climax of the reign of error. I wrote briefly about one of the after effects of that period which is yet another mgmt change at my former store in my former dept.

I don’t really want to rehash what happened back then although I do have a story to share about that moment. I relate it to what happened during the past few months and note the similarities and differences. However that will be another time.

I have to say that it’s something that I have to take responsibility for as stated here on occasion. I had the wrong boss to play around with and perhaps I was in a situation that perhaps allowed some complacency. It was something that I had taken for granted, however, once a new boss was installed all bets were soon off. It’s like he honed in on something he didn’t like and he pounced immediately. What makes this story laughable was that the situation didn’t work out for him either.

Regardless if anyone wants to think about one cosmic reason for what happened. Why did I “point out”? Why did I have to be late that one last time? Why didn’t mgmt at the Hole from Rog to Morley accept that delay slip from the transit authority? Those are questions that may never be answered. And again this is something I want to cover at a later time.

Long story short, aside from those unanswered questions the “cosmic” reason for this very disappointing result is what I have been talking about since 2018. I’ve already discussed yet another after effect of this era which was my situationship with the Fiend had changed. And I’ve also written what I consider now the strains within what I would now refer to as a very odd friendship.

I feel as if possibly remaining at the Hole even in a somewhat diminished capacity would likely mean that perhaps I’d continue that situationship. More requests for money or even more negativity. Once I started on a new course during that summer he really ramped up his negativity. Even decided to engage in the diversion of trying to get me to leave for his preferred company and “make more money”.

However, if I suffered an unexpected reversal and had no “decent money” coming in why would I help him? Why would I accept a message to call an anonymous person who turned out to be not so anonymous because he merely changed his phone number? I realize a lot of his actions weren’t reasonable overtime and seemed to change with his moods or even his needs. Why did it take me so long to finally do something about it?

Of course I might emphasize there was a strong possibility that I’d have to listen to his negativity about the bull$h!t that happened at the Hole. Perhaps he’d start off positive but knowing his general patterns he’d probably find a way to question me as far as why this happened and how it happened. He’d be a disappointed father who’d determine that I’m unreliable and what happened showed why. Of course this is coming from someone who never had a real plan that hopefully would propel me forward other than chasing other jobs that would provide nothing more than another few cents on top of what I already make anyway.

Well to change the subject slightly with this pandemic and what happened at my current assignment I suffered another reversal. Perhaps it’s only served to put some things into perspective and perhaps to reinforce what I’ve determined since the “climax” which is that a job is nothing more than a means to an end. One can work to earn money however there are other ways, however, while you’re working why not maximize your potential while you’re at a company. If it’s not possible then move on!

What I hoped would work out at the Hole didn’t which I can attribute to my own complacency and the changes occurring in such a short period of time back then. Perhaps that’s a bad habit that I need to really take care of NOW. This was yet a hard lesson I need to take to heart.

The next to last “drop” 2016

I’m still struggling to come up with a final post on the Fiend so I just simply have settled on this story. It will take place just before the episode election day. It was a nice fall day as we’re having currently in Chicago.

Whenever I talk about Anthony the Hustler/Fiend my goal is to tell that story straight. One thing that I striven not to do was to go on the attack against him. Perhaps the various monikers that I have given him including the more frequent ones in addition to a hard-up old man might skirt the line as far as personal attacks. And I also want to note that I strove not to really exaggerate my stories about him. As far as whether or not I was successful in my writings to stay away from attacking I’ll leave up to you all.

The monikers and stories I have written about him are based on my interactions with him. So a lot of what’s written are real life situations. And as stated before you will see a common pattern with what you read and it’s hard to really do anything with a lot of situations. For my purpose it’s just me collecting and analyzing the data.

Around this time in 2016 I answered a call from Anthony. I do recall that he had been calling and texting and for some reason we never did connect. When we finally did I said something sarcastic about not having a sense of urgency in responding or returning his calls. He had to respond to that wondering what’s wrong. In fact it seemed he was making an effort to read me when he did get me on the phone.

As we were talking he seemed to notice my silence as he starts talking frequently asking “What’s wrong”. He noted my lack of sarcasm on my call though usually when I get into that mode he would often get offended and will express it….like a disappointed father. Strangely on this day I was a tad subdued because if he’s somewhat putting on a full court press – not that he was blowing up my phone though he was certainly trying very hard to get in touch with me not like the later episode One Final Drop.

A few times I had to tell him nothing was wrong but if I was silent I was expecting him to get on with the point because I knew there was one. At some point he reached it which he stated “Another reason I wanted to talk to you. I need some money…”

Boo! I stated.

He didn’t understand in this moment that I had objected to his request for money. However I was going to give him some money I just wasn’t at the mode where I got sick of it although this was irritating to me for sure. It’s not like he was doing this frequently but it was enough times that it was on my radar. Up to that point if he’s getting something from me it was a free lunch. Either way to respond to his response to my “Boo” I just simply told him that was my sarcasm that he was waiting for.

We did meet later and he had no money for his lunch. When I asked him if he had anything he just shrugged. Basically I was paying for his lunch and I gave him some as he termed it running around money. He claimed he didn’t have enough money to eat all he got on this day was $100 that I took out of the bank for him. I think I expected him to pay this back later but then there was other money from way back when that I had expected him to pay back.

He infrequently does but sadly there are moments where he might ask to borrow money again. Sometimes money on top of money he already owes. Either way something was wrong with what was going on and I knew it. I mean I already knew it but just not enough will at that time to cut it off.

When we were eating I told him about the episode Petty in full. He would state for the record it shouldn’t have went that far with the House Manager, General Manager and the young woman Kelly. Then at some point he makes reference to me being virgin thinking it was funny stating how I’d fill my girlfriend up covering his smirk with his hand. He knew he was out of line but just didn’t have a filter, he never had a filter. And just like I said that I should’ve left him on the expressway during the summer of 2011 I should’ve got him and left him at that food place we were at and let him figure out where to get his money from.

Either way later on that day he got his money. We take a train back to my house where he left his hoopty. On the way back we were talking about taking martial arts classes he was suggesting something connected with a church that he never gave me info on. Somehow he mentioned that he had been trying to get me to go to his own martial arts school – the one he decided to ask for money where he just simply stated he needs some money – and then I told him ultimately that I didn’t want to go to his martial arts school. He just stopped as he was about to speak probably offended by that but then kept it moving.

I forgot to reference the episode Applications. This was when he stopped at a store near The Show when he saw a job posting looking for workers before the store opens to stock the shelves. He seemed very excited about it and he later utilizing some excuses tried to get me to do his application for that job. Well I didn’t want to do all that work for him on that day.

Then he calls me on the evening of election day upset over the man who won the election. And after I tired of his repetition over who he thought that man who became our president for one-term was. Then we pivoted to other subject including a brief lecture on how I needed to start dating or the women will start laughing at me.

And then we go to the holiday season of 2016. He called me the day before asking if he could bring me with him to look at some cars – basically he was looking for cars via craiglist presumably to replace his hoopty. Anyway he finally paid back some money he borrowed which didn’t include the money I gave him months earlier. He owed me that money for over a year but didn’t consider an extra bill to pay back the “getting around money“.

That little excursion was funny. Our first stop was in the western suburbs and I was talking about a Finer’s store that just opened in the city – and why not talk about it I’m in the industry. Out of the blue he just decided to ask whatever happened with that. I gave him a shorthand story to tell him what happened again and hoped that would be it. Well I’ve been talking about it all year, it escalated to if you come to Finer Foods you’d make more money.

We get to a man’s house in the suburbs and he was talking about a part that Anthony could get for a small sum. Anthony didn’t want to hear that thinking he should’ve fixed it himself if it was that easy. He was complaining about a cracked windshield and then saw holes in the trunk lid where a spoiler used to be. He got on the phone to someone telling them about the car, from that call Ant told the man he has to turn it down because he was actually getting it for someone.

As we left the area Anthony asked “You know that was a fake call right?” I didn’t think much of it honestly but he revealed what he just did out there. Just being very slippery and finding a way to get out of making a purchase. Although it sounded like from what he was picking at he didn’t want the car anyway. I guess in my experience sometimes it isn’t easy to just say no.

So anyway that was really the last time I saw him until one day in the spring next year I saw him at the Hole as he was about to watch a movie at the nearby cinema. And I also had a few odd phone calls with him where he runs down some of my more negative episodes at The Show. I’d say from that meeting on a fall day in 2016 is where our “situationship” began to go downhill.

You know here is the kicker. Blame me for allowing such treatment, however, isn’t it odd that in some way you’re being helpful at the same time as time goes on you’re the one being treated like crap. It’s possible he thought his behavior was OK and as per usual I wasn’t willing to say this wasn’t OK. And knowing him I could tell him and he still won’t budge. And then he has a problem as it turns out when I finally just “drop” him. It’s very odd…

Eliminate

One of my long term goals has been to stay away from porn. I would be alright if I never watched a minute of porn as it’s become very perverse to yours truly.

Except that when I take a break from it sometimes I go right back to it. They say you shouldn’t quit something cold turkey except porn ought to be one thing one should quit in such a fashion. We’re not talking about substance abuse we’re talking about something that’s more psychological.

I shared a quick review of this movie from a few years ago called Don Jon which where the title character has largely the same types of issues. He may get the women he wants even had a girlfriend during the course of the movie but is so unsatisfied with his conquests that he turns to porn. The girlfriend had to catch him not once but twice to break up with him because he lied to her. Regardless she made him wait for sex and he was still unsatisfied.

He admitted later that the porn was him being selfish. He thought more of the fantasies he had from watching porn than the actual desires of the women he was with. It took meeting a widowed MILF to train him away from the fantasy of pornography. He realized in order to satisfy his needs he also had to satisfy the needs of his girlfriend.

I suppose after so many years of watching porn I had no issues with the various scenarios men and women find themselves in whether we’re talking threesomes or orgies. I talked about how I liked watching bondage scenes or women doing anal. I also recognize that if you take some of those things in porn into your own bedroom things could get to the point where one could go too far.

I could fantasize about smacking a woman upsider buttocks one time and watch the jiggle of her skin and muscles (or fat sorry ladies) then I get concerned about whether or not I could turn that off. Jack V wants a lifetime companion and lover not a partner who’s scared of him for not knowing where the line is.

So I realize that I need to stay away from porn. My mind need to be on more realistic relations with women. Yes I do desire a wife in the future and hope that we can do adult things as a couple I just hope that there isn’t a point where I could go too far. That’s my worry now and perhaps that makes me a terrified virgin.

My idealized relationship with a woman has always been romantic. I also know there are women who sneeze at that. Not all women seem to want a romantic man and yes I recognize being romantic might not be best at first meeting. However, porn which seems to have a history of cheesy pick up lines once a scene progresses is not the frame of reference I need when trying to build relationships with women.

What I recognize now is that the porn I see now where there are plenty of scenes with women who are pushed to the point where they might need diapers in the future. Or women who are often roughed up, slapped around or even faces contorted by the aggressive hands of a man is not something that is particularly appealing.

What’s also not very appealing about porn are the very alternative expressions of sexuality that now exist in porn. It’s strayed far away from what I started seeing porn for which is two people doing the nasty. There are things that I find perverse that now is just something I just don’t want to see. I steer far away from that content.

Just have to ask myself why it’s so difficult to move on!

Updates

I went out of town this past weekend a few hours outside of Chicago in another state. Nothing really to report I was about as far in the background as possible. One night I ate so much food that I took to my hotel room from the picnic and from a local eatery that it made me sick. My stomach started growling when trying to sleep and realized my no. 2 had to come out….BAD! Sounds like pee but smells like poo, yuck!

Felt this way all day on Sunday and found out my bus back to chicago was late, sat around in our hotel (me and my mother of course) went to the bus station. They kicked us out because they lock the bus station down until the next station agent arrives in an hour. I got frustrated and upset at the time traveling with a parent who isn’t as mobile as she used to be. I recognized days later yours truly wasn’t being much of a “head of the table”.

We got to another city when we finally did catch a bus ultimately my mother and I had our feel of the bus and the train station was nearby so we took a train back home. All these delays in getting back home meant that I couldn’t be at work in the morning. That’s fine because after all these issues I needed some rest a break and my excuse was my stomach issues.

Almost got hit with a “improper call out” which I have known people to get into trouble for legit sick or not. Usually if you want to use your sick days, there isn’t many questions however I didn’t entirely follow procedure. For one thing after waiting in a bus terminal in the wee hours of the morning once I got on the train I stretched out and took a nap. Too tired to care when I should let my bosses know that Jack V isn’t coming to work to his assigned shift, though that’s a piece of business that’s still necessary. Either way the truth is I did have a stomach issue as opposed to admitting that I had issues getting home in time for my shift. Because unlike an earlier tardy which I’ve yet to share with you, who knows if a national passenger railroad will allow you a delay slip for your job. Both are true regardless but I was using a sick day and I’d be miserable going to work with an upset stomach.

Well thankfully it’s largely subsided since being home. Just been using some over the counter medication and following online advice avoiding certain foods, drinking water and teas, and eating certain foods like bananas. I feel great just won’t allow myself to do what I did this past weekend again.

Travel issues held up my timeline to finally apply for team receiver at the job. I was getting updates and was told by my boss finally that they will post that job. Not clear on the status of the team receiver who has been out for a few months, although he has returned and has taken shifts with another team as of now. Don’t know if he will be leaving our team or he will just transition to a new position on our team. Just don’t know as of now though I know he’s been talking about his physical therapy and how well it’s been going so on the mend it seems.

Hopefully this new journey will get me somewhere. Our dept has been understaffed and when I do the receiving usually I leave the load out because I feel as if it’s necessary to help push things onto the sales floor. It helps me to put things away in our backstock area. We’ve been understaffed and have lost some people during this rather hectic summer. So for now I’m doing the best I can.

As always if there are any further updates will be happy to share in the near future.

And for the record, they know I want to apply have declared my intent. They have been updating me and I’ve been asking all the questions I know of with regards to this situation. Again time will tell.

Revisit: Dawn of the Streak Era

Let me repeat myself from some earlier posts. 2021 represents the whole decade since I’ve met Anthony the hustler. I told a story of the very early days where he tried to borrow some money and his reward for that attempt was no money and in expecting a ride home he got left at the job. He called my phone left a voicemail and I could hear the disappointment in his voice once he realized what happened.

What I didnt anticipate and perhaps I should’ve was that he was just getting started. That didn’t quite send the message that I didn’t want to be bothered. He still came around asking “Why don’t you speak to me?”

Well let’s skip ahead into 2012 and he put me onto this mgmt position at a neighborhood cinema which is a quick train ride away from home. I was cancelling myself out of that opportunity because way before he came to be about it I saw a posting on this company’s social media and decided I wasn’t ready for this. The hustler thought that I was because “You’ve got the experience”.

That particular summer got weird. The conflicts got weirder this was the summer I really regretfully began feuding with Deranged Barney. D.B. was a lot like Anthony once I pulled back he really starting coming around more. Usually just trying to spark a conversation usually it’s just me looking at him and not really responding. I know he’s talking to me but for a time I just showed very little interest in what he was saying. It causes me to wonder if anyone talked to him back then as I had to learn he just wanted attention which is what our feud gave him.

Either way the mgmt job I accepted and this was where yours truly felt this was a good opportunity to leave The Show. If mgmt is what I wanted to do perhaps I should pursue those opportunities when they’re available. One way to look at this is that this was another attempt by the man I know refer to as The Fiend to pull me in more. Trying to pull me away from Henry and his crew was met with mixed results and later on he didn’t mind reminding me of my ties with them.

He did start getting some money out of me making some weird proposition – a return for a small sum of cash. One time I told him to eat it as opposed to paying me back though perhaps the first time he borrowed me he paid that money back. He actually used that money for a hot dog from the concession stand, he got so excited once he was successful. Another lesson learned he never really strayed away from that programming as it turned out. Once he starts begging and is successful it continues.

At this point I was in a holding pattern for the mgmt job. It was a minute from whenever I submitted my resume via email to some point in August where I did finally hear from the theater owner and finally got an interview. I depended upon Anthony for updates as in why is it taking so long. I had allowed myself to be all in on this and it turned out to be a mistake.

I don’t want to go into the story as you’ll see a link to the original post anyway. I will say that my relationships at The Show was starting to take a turn. From the “mean girls of $h!tplace” to even the hustler (as it turns out this was one person I really needed to push away). It was a place I was finding myself at odds with almost everyone and needed this opportunity.

However long story short it didn’t work out. That interview and the resulting disappointment resulted in a period I now refer to as the Streak Era. A period where after as many as 15 interviews it only resulted in one job offer after over two years. What I hoped would be a home run only was the first at bat in the long run.

Please check out the original post here.

Also I’m getting to work on that shoot post regarding “Crisis” which actually could fit within the context of this revisit.

What’s better?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and my current journey has been really making smarter money decisions. My journey included associating with a man who’s own hot air is to show he’s got something going but only exposing that’s he broke and needy.

I had a discussion with a coworker one evening and while he might agree with me that it’s best not to be broke. He might turn around and say don’t allow that to be your selling point because the woman might only see $$$ signs. Hard to argue that and I also know broke men seem to be able to get action with women.

It’s probably something to find a woman who doesn’t care if you have 5 pennies or $5 million. That’s the one worth her weight in gold I’m sure, good character hopefully. I suppose having money in the bank in my own view is an asset, however, is it possible to still miss the point.

I would imagine most women wouldn’t want a broke man. Or we could go even further there is a segment of women who might nitpick over the type of job a man has. For example I’ve explored that some women might treat a blue collar man differently than a white collar man. Some women might not take very serious a grocery store clerk for example even if said clerk was generally a good dependable man while a white collar man has the issues of say a J.R. Ewing.

Dallas – JR Slaps Sue Ellen and on second thought they deserve each other don’t they?

So I suppose when I presented the idea of whether or not it’s better to have money to keep a woman he comes up with if a woman really loves you, money isn’t necessary except a roof over your head and electricity. Hmmm, this complicates things doesn’t it? I suppose as a man I still have to create a home for her to stay.

My mother and I one day were talking about relatives – I have an uncle who seems to come up short often and she mentioned one of my first cousins who though says she has money issues is still able to pay off a luxury car she has purchased. I don’t have a great relationship with either and more so my cousin than my uncle whom I’ve rarely heard from over the years. However I just had to say something and it’s based on my own personal experience.

I can speak to the gifts of my cousin, she’s sociable and I don’t associate money issues with sociable. With this said I know very little about her finances so there isn’t much for me to criticize. Then again my viewpoint is always about abundance you don’t need to have small cash infusions in order to take care of your basic needs such as rent, food, etc. And as far as I know my cousin hasn’t come around for any at least from my mother and what she did get from my mother was basic advice like if you want to save some money put it in a bank far from home for example. If you live in the burbs find a bank in the city and open an account.

Well, my comments sort of backfired as my mother might make some real world comments like who will you leave your money for or you got money but are you enjoying life. I still would say I’d rather have my nest egg while I’m able to use it than be utterly broke. And in my personal experience there is exactly a broke person who definitely isn’t happy about life although as a gift he can be sociable. He could use that to solve his issues with money although it’s getting much later in the game for him at this point.

However, many questions to unpack. Is money necessary for a mate? Does money help you find a mate? Does money allow you to enjoy life?

I could also ask if money brings happiness, though there is a flipside here. Having an abundance of money probably isn’t the key to happiness, however, when it comes to relationships something there has to bring happiness right?

Calamity & reconnect

Let me start that as we look at this month three years ago, I began hearing from the Hustler/Fiend again. I noted a number of times that he called me four times during the course of the previous month. And after my birthday in December I began seeing him on my facebook feeds on occasion. Especially once when announcing that I had seen Black Panther.

He called three times in February from a number I didn’t recognize. I realized this only after his third try that this anonymous individual decided to text “Call me!” Who is this asking me to call them? Well I sent such a text and got an answer I gave him a martial arts related nickname and he decided to use that to confirm who it was. Of course this was during that time where I was recovering from the “Reign of Error” and just decided I didn’t want to talk at all. He would call one more time after a week.

I get a number of calls from numbers I don’t recognize and usually don’t answer so I didn’t realize until this text message that he had been trying to call me. Perhaps he didn’t realize I didn’t have his other number, perhaps he thought like most people I’d just answer, only he really knows his thought process. What I do know is that he’s done something like this before in the past.

Just about four years earlier he texted me from a number I didn’t recognize letting me know that one of the managers from The Show had been let go. He wouldn’t respond to a text message requesting identity until I messaged him on facebook and he confirmed. Again probably didn’t recognize that I didn’t have whatever new number he had.

Regardless in my head the thought process was he probably had moved on. He got his last score, and perhaps if he did call it’s not to genuinely talk to yours truly but because he needed something. While I have no idea why he wanted to re-establish contact my belief is that he wanted me to call him because he needed something. It was almost similar to how the episode “One Final Drop” started off with a quick text “Call me! 911!” which indicated a sense of urgency more for him than me. Instinct told me this was about a small cash infusion something he can’t help but ask for on occasion while trying to tell yours truly what to do.

Again for me to avoid calling him once he started coming around the context of that time in 2018 was that yours truly was unemployed. I saved up over $10K since about year two or three at the theater only to have to cut that in just about half because of the somewhat unexpected event of a job loss. Therefore no income had been coming in on my end and thus if he expected a small cash infusion well in those circumstance why would I help him. However, there isn’t a satisfactory answer to this question as I never sought a resolution. At the same time a cat & mouse game had commenced he was the cat and yours truly was the mouse.

Meanwhile it was time to hit the Fresh Foods beat as it was my desire to return especially to the Hole. It wasn’t to be and I wound up going to another store from the Hole. We’ll revisit those episodes where I interviewed to return to my old team at the Hole in the next post.

Also later this month I wanted to share an episode where the Hustler had effectively used yours truly to fill out his own job applications. Well for those of you who have been following this, you shouldn’t be too surprised.