When she shoots her shot

One of the guys I met in college shared this song by Alicia Keys “You don’t know my name” on his instagram page. He shared in four parts and in a meme format with the caption “when she shoots her shot first”. Hmmm, then I hear the song and to be honest it struck me as creepy.

Perhaps I’m making more out of this than I should. If the right girl comes along, but you likely don’t notice her so then she tries to get your attention. Why is this, because perhaps she knows she’s interested in you? Perhaps it’s more of a case of she wants to see if you will go for it. Meaning you can either go for it and still be left with nothing or you don’t go for it and you’re an a**hole. Ex: Candice.

All the same this video starts off well enough she uses a business card to contact this man who comes into this diner perhaps for coffee or breakfast. She’s instantly taken with him and sees his business card. She calls him up and strikes up a conversation, strangely enough he never seems to respond and she’s just responding to whatever he says. Wait that doesn’t make any sense right? That’s because at the end of the video even though she’s making out with the man she got in touch with, it turns out it was all a day dream he’s gone from the diner, and she doesn’t realize his business card is in a fish bowl waiting for her to grab it.

See that’s why he never appears to say anything when she talks to him on the phone. She never took her shot it was all imagined. He’s another man whom she may or may not ever see again. I meet a woman like this – who’s very forward and shoots her shot – well I don’t respond to it well. I’m guessing most men won’t for the most part. The reverse happens with men of course, there are women I like upon seeing them – even if I know little about their personality – then I never see them again!

I asked a friend of mine about a video I showed him about those professional women (a production of the now deleted mgtow 101 YouTube channel). There was one woman who was talking to a man – outside of her race – the convo was going well but ultimately they parts and she’s left wondering “WTF happened?”. One of the girls outright suggest that she asks for his number, she says no. It’s hard for her to make that move because women expect to be pursued. And if she did shoot her shot, she could still be seen by a man not used this behavior as a “flake”.

To be honest, I hate the idea of the pursuit. Perhaps it’s easier if say I really was a hunter, which I’m not all the same I have to catch a prey. Perhaps a rabbit or a deer that’s what I call hunting and the interesting part is that you shoot your shot with the prey. Get your rifle make a kill and you have dinner or more accurately that satisfaction of a successful hunt. In this case when it comes to romance, dating, or sex hunting is a little different and the results could hurt your self-esteem. Perhaps no one likes the feeling of not being wanted even in a romantic/sexual sense.

As a guy have to put my feelings in my pocket with a woman of course when things don’t go well and then that becomes hard. It’s always about finding the right woman who suits you best. It’ll never be about a woman who you have to continuously bow down to because she said yes and it’s not worth finding someone who suits you best. Or at least it should never be about that.

With that said everyone is different. A man could give in to a woman who shoots her shot. Perhaps it works out and they have a lasting relationship, which is never a bad thing. On the other hand, you could shoot your shot and force it with the result being a backfire which has happened of course. On the other hand if you don’t try something that enables you to have that relationship bottom line is that you’ll never know.



NOTE: I had published this post and then edited it because there was a video here that aptly highlighted my feelings as far as my love life. Unfortunately that YouTube channel mentioned in the rest of this post has been deleted. Perhaps I’ll find that video and post it later, meanwhile after publishing this post and realizing video wasn’t available had to take it down right quick and then edit this post. An earlier video posted here on this channel therefore no longer works as well, shame. In some parts of the internet free speech doesn’t rule anymore. 😦

I’ve been doing some research on “mgtow” or men going their own way for a while since posting that video in december about those single professional women from a YouTube channel mgtow 101. My observation is that many of those men who go their own way have at some point actually been burned by women and this is not something I can safely say. To further clarify perhaps they were burned by women they were in relationships with at some point in their lives.

In my case all I can say is the women who I’ve liked had rejected me with a case in point with Nicole. For the most part my story has often been I’m too slow to make my move and only opens the door to other men to swiftly come & get her. It happens unfortunately though there are other factors that truly lie within self.

As for why I’m interested, I’ve been “mgtow” all my life. I never chased women with very few exceptions, and there have been opportunities that I never took up. Only recently have I got myself into a position where I can do as much focus on self as possible. Still “mgtow” offers something that perhaps I wasn’t getting.

If you remember Anthony, he takes great stock in my hooking up. He really wants me to have some female companionship. When he gets to thinking about nothing else I do in life is worth it if there is no companion in my life. My theory is, he’s lonely himself and often on the prowl but in reality other than his own progeny, there really isn’t a companion in his life. Well there are pics of women he claims to have f***ed, but then to be honest I don’t want to hear it.

All the same, I often stated how once upon a time my virginity was a choice. I didn’t want to have sex until marriage and didn’t want children until marriage. This wasn’t entirely a religious conviction, but certainly something that felt right to me at one point in time. The only caveat is that I never dared to get to know some of the ladies back in high school or college.

Conversely women fought to not have their worth attached to that of a man. And while I also see some aspects of “mgtow” swears off any relationships with women, I generally won’t go that far. If the right woman comes along who suits me best and my mindset is where it needs to be, believe me I’m game.

As of now, my goal just has to be continuing to work on self. If a woman notices not that I’m a hard worker, but that i have some qualities that she’s looking for then I hope to be that man. Perhaps I’ll have that direction she wants to see, perhaps she sees that I want something out of life and wants to be part of it.

Meanwhile anyone who only wants to see me get out there and chase p***y just to say I’ve had a woman are themselves deluded. They seem to have a warped idea of what they want out of life and while it’s OK to live women and want to get with them, they surely want more out of life than attend to the whims of a woman. My goal was never sex even back in the day, I wanted something from a woman it was certainly a connection that sadly I never got. Perhaps it was because I never tried, perhaps my expectations were much more than observing from many of the women I interacted with back in the day.

Meanwhile my strategy as of now is to go my own way. Find the activities and hobbies I enjoy doing and perhaps that woman will emerge who suits me best.

Be part of the world

As I’ve stated already the idea of having sex or otherwise relations with the opposite sex to be part of the world is kind of backwards to me. That doesn’t happen unless you’re part of the world, thus I have to find activities or interests where one could connect with people. Thus you become part of the world and you can begin to find love or sex.

You don’t always find either from work. Or you don’t find either because people keep needing to lecture you about it or just make random comments.

All the same this article lets me know I had been on the right track. Take an improv class or take an art class. Hopefully you find someone you like or they like you though you can learn something new, especially something creative. And yes I know those aren’t the only things I could do to become part of the world.


Stand Up for You — The Unedited Version of Being Single & Christian

why am i sharing this? i say this is a lesson worth learning. know your worth and stand up for you.

As singles, It is easy to settle for scraps Be a dirty secret Bargain for things that have an equivalent worth of a penny Allow others to take advantage Struggle to maintain healthy boundaries If you are not careful, allow someone to chip away at your value Compromise on the respect and love you deserve Guilt […]

via Stand Up for You — The Unedited Version of Being Single & Christian

dating advice

on occasion i talked of men that i know of who’s mind is on chasing p***y. for example my friend anthony who does on occasion show me pics of grannies he claimed to have f***ed and done some nasty s*** to. and honestly i don’t want to hear it from him.

now i can’t say for sure that he chases p***y to the extent that mr. wayne talks above. anthony is not the candy and flowers type or at least he never talks about it, he certainly has little problem chasing women though. looking at how he would aggressively “drool” over any good looking woman who crosses paths with him even if he doesn’t talk to them.

as for me, i had attempted to chase p***y on occasion especially back when i was still in college. i really wanted to get with a “hillman” woman although with a select few i’m still in touch with them today. i suppose doing the chasing did me no good, especially with nicole for example. though certainly what must happen to connect with a woman, hopefully she has an attraction for you, and then the two of you are together. perhaps not exactly in that way, but get the picture connect then the magic happens by her actions and certainly by my actions.

hopefully you enjoy this advice

The Dating Dance

Allow me to admit, that when it comes to women I haven’t played my own cards right. You’ve seen it on this blog admittedly a number of failures on my part when it comes to women. However, I do consider myself among those men who these very accomplished women overlook.

I would love to have a professional woman as my girlfriend, however, one of my problems have been how do I get one. I had the opportunity to utilize a matchmaker and I’m just not going to bulls**t you, she seemed disappointed. She realized I wasn’t a catch for any of her older and professional clients. Although she offered her services at a charity rate, other things going on in my life caused me to not take her up on her offer. To be fair, this was a blow to my ego as it seems I have a far worse issue on my hands and this matchmaker was one indication.

Regardless I’m a virgin and yes I did or have believed in sex after marriage. How many of those women would value that? Who would value the idea that a man would save themselves? I’ve met people who couldn’t understand that and met with ridicule, even then my only handicap is that I’m not known to date.

As Steve Harvey indicated, these women are looking for men who make more money than them and they’re looking for corporate execs like them. they don’t want a man who perhaps doesn’t mind staying at home and tending to the house and children – not that I’d want to and if I did there will be a side hustle. Perhaps these women set the bar so high for a mate that no one met them back in college and now they have to play catch up and the clock is running out!

MGTOW 101 is the name of this YouTube channel to the video you see above. “men going their own way” eh? I wonder what this is about and the above video is one indication I suppose.


let me start off by saying using a video of a railroad semaphore signal seems a bit counter-intuitive, but i assure you this video is relevant as far as this awkward subject. it’s all about whether or not someone is giving you the go-ahead signal. trains run the same way either you got to wait & let a train pass before proceeding or you got the all clear and the train can continue to move forward.

do you remember nicole? while barely mentioned on this blog or at least her story she featured in one story i wrote regarding my cousin natalie. my cousin took a greater interest in the story at the time than i wanted and simply shut down any attempt at a convo based upon this by offering nothing but silence. natalie who does like chatting kind of got the hint and left it & me alone…

as far as nicole, well it’s a cautionary tale with a variety of tactical errors. and to be fair it was a case of jumping a gun and the signs were in front of me that she was giving me a stop signal. with regards to if i was looking for signals from nicole, i wanted to see a proceed signal and sought to interpret and overthink them to the point where it was favorable. well it never happened and i hung around with her for far longer than i should have…

this was the biggest ouch of my life. i wanted to believe nicole was going to be my girlfriend and my belief proved to be wrong. as it turned out i made a mistake and as a result nicole probably still doesn’t want to speak to me to this day. it’s possible from my obsessive attempts i only served not to cultivate a relationship, but only cultivated avoidance. who knows if she’s ever moved from her negative feelings towards me, i know i still have my negative feelings about her.

a typical post where i talk about the women and describe them physically. this time i won’t, overtime i had to convince myself that although i thought nicole was attractive my view of her has changed and that includes her attractiveness. over the years i have thought her attitude when she wanted nothing to do with me made her very ugly to me. though these days i accept my role in how things simply went due south at the time.

having met her through my first room mate at “mission college” one mistake i had made was assuming her niceness/friendliness was a signal of interest. it was when i decided to express interest and the reasoning that she described it as a misunderstanding which wasn’t what i wanted to hear. these days i try to pay attention when a girl seems interested only to just pull back when i try to reciprocate. my goal is to try to avoid making assumptions in some cases i can be too cautious and a girl with a wandering eye can go with who’ll give her the attention.

another error was situational as i attempted to ascertain whether or not she was going to my campus to play pool i asked her if she was coming over. she was like you know maybe i don’t know we’ll see, then i felt dejected and walked away. someone touched my back & shoulders when i left. i was in a courtyard during a weekly student block party and there was a stairway into a yard with students standing around.

now i figure it was someone else who probably did the touching. probably steadying herself or perhaps himself coming down that hill and i was the only stable object nearby. problem is i wanted it to be nicole and made the mistake of asking her which began to cause other problems as it was an excuse to express interest. she couldn’t say whether she did or she didn’t and i never looked back when it happened so it’s possible she didn’t thus it wasn’t a proceed signal. unfortunately i didn’t want to believe that and held onto it for a long time until fairly recently.

another error was waiting for a signal of any sort and making assumptions based upon it. like one time i was singing to myself leaving “hillman” and nicole was horrified when she saw me. except i took that as a signal of interest because she had a horrified look on her face on that occasion. well now that it’s been interpreted by me as a proceed signal although almost a week before she gave me the signal i should’ve heeded – she wasn’t interested. regardless interpreting these signals as “interest” it caused me to further awkwardly make my presence known.

eventually it was all for naught and someone i didn’t know finally came around and told me to leave her alone. too bad this was before the iPhone and quality mobile photography. it got really scary and reality was it was entirely my fault because i failed to pay attention and heed her signals. i wanted proceed signals, but she actually sent stop signals.

for all that happened then i feel bad because if she knows my room mate whom we’re still somewhat in touch although only friends on fb at this point. he’s never said anything and when sh*t hit the fan i learned my lesson. he’s never mentioned anything about that whole episode with me even though i know there had been opportunity to do so.

nicole as a student at “hillman college” was a freshmen when i first met her as a transfer student. i was gone for a year and a half returned to establish relations which incidentally i had done so seeing her at “misson’s” recreational hall playing pool. when i greeted her and after we closed our convo, she greeted me with a flirtatious look but only after she indicated that there was someone who didn’t like her hanging out with men. i can safely consider this a mixed signal, though certainly for me i saw it as proceed when it should’ve been a stop because she wouldn’t give a clear answer as to whether or not she’s spoken for.

with this said since she was a year or so older at this point and certainly had a direction for her life being a junior when i returned to “mission” perhaps it was a bad time to approach her for dating. who’s to say she already had other things that stressed her out it could be her studies, other men, family life, etc. meanwhile i was just returning and although i was older probably did lack a direction. it’s possible whenever she saw me i lacked a direction and she could probably tell “there was no there, there”. i literally came in with not a whole lot to show for myself at least not at that point in time and that could include the idea of “no potential”.

so a few conclusions. i could relate this to what happened with candice years later. i missed candice’s signals because i chose not to pay them much attention. and she’d directly let me know it was a problem for her when i continued to blow off her signals. basically candice was looking for something with me and i for whatever reason chose to not heed her “go-ahead” signals. i’m a long way from saying this was a matter of caution – to avoid misinterpreting her signals – or just a matter of avoidance from a rambunctious young woman.

with nicole i was looking for her proceed signals and she got pissed because i wasn’t heeding them. the signals essentially was a no-go and i was again oblivious. even had some dear friends at college told me i should leave her alone and even that advice wasn’t enough for me to end my own semblance of a chase. and once again i wanted the signals i wanted which basically was, “come here big boy”. the actual signal was, “get lost big boy”.

candice – i can’t say what my problem was with her. perhaps it didn’t take long for me to realize there was nothing there from me with her. what i say later seems more like an excuse now, regardless at the time she insisted on my attention it seemed a little too much too soon at the time. i don’t know whether or not i can call this a missed opportunity or a dodged bullet.

nicole – only she knows why she wasn’t interested in me. perhaps i wasn’t showing that “mission-man mystique” which is believable. perhaps my awkward attempts to give her attention at one point was a little too much too soon also. could certainly be a botched opportunity or more accurately a non-starting opportunity. sometimes i wonder if this also had been a dodged bullet.