Hustler

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I’ve had to realize that an old friend Anthony – my martial artist friend who worked with me at “The Show” – is a hustler. I remember that he used to refer to those individuals who work 10 jobs as hustlers, he seemed to look down on that. Although to be fair at one point since I’ve known him he seemed to be working two jobs. Having done that myself during the course of this blog, it’s not entirely easy!

All the same, remember how he started off our work relationship. All I had to do is take him home in my mother’s car and he started asking questions and he probably was evaluating me. Next thing I know he asks the second question I thought was out of line which is “Can I borrow some money?” He hardly wasted any time doing so and even worse even if it caused me to back off since we just me it only served to cause him to change his strategy. I just wish that I had been smart enough to see that well he wasn’t going to stray too far from his programming.

I had to realize that he always had an agenda. When he caught himself looking out for my interests at work or even when I was trying to look for another job it was often about him. One time when I told him about an interview I got for a competing theater chain he suggested something counter-intuitive to me which was to negotiate and if I don’t get what I want be prepared to walk – and I was like “Huh?”. I don’t know what I wanted yet other than a job offer which needless to say I never got so when he asked about hours and such all I could tell him was that we just never got that. As far as that this should be the answer, if we never went there no job offer is coming at all!

This let’s me know – though years after the fact – that this was really about him. If I was more in interview mode than negotiation mode for a mere minimum wage job even if there was a possibilities for further opportunities at that company then it was doomed to fail. I’d have flopped anyway in spite of my best hopes and intentions and somehow he’d find a way to blame me for it depressing me further.

Not to stay negative on him but if it hadn’t been for him I wouldn’t have tried for that mgmt position at a neighborhood movie house. While I never imagined the disarray that took place there after that interview it was still a worthwhile experience. Sadly I was destined not to get the job whether or not I did well with that interview. While Anthony felt bad that it fell through that this was something he helped orchestrate largely because he knew I wanted this. I never told him the reason but if there was a reason this was my escape away from the place I knew as “S**tplace”.

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His tips that I took advantage of were for jobs that he was working. The opportunities at the local theater, “Finer Foods” (which didn’t work out for a variety of reasons outside of our control possibly), and finally a home goods store near downtown Chicago. Then this leads me to a conclusion for some reason he wants me close to him – and is probably why he wanted so bad last year for me to consider working at “Finer Foods”. All the sudden and with my experience at “Fresh Foods” he tried to sell me on it with a simple “You’d make more money” and with my experience trying to get on with them I’d start coming up with excuses which he seemed to ignore.

Another more potent conclusion with this: he wants me beholden to him. Ahhhhhh, for what he does for me I have to owe him something. Helping me to find a better opportunity – even when I’m not looking for one (especially when for a good stretch I was doing so well at “Fresh”). I could include his attempt to get me to buy tickets for myself and a ex-coworker from the theater which is one could conclude that well he treated that nice young lady like an object to be passed around. Regardless no matter how much he can claim I blew it, he was a lousy matchmaker as we never connected in the first place. Again as much as his need to direct me to his own jobs leads this wasn’t as much about me as it was him!

Also I had to realize that he may just be used to being a dominant person. Bad news is that he’s a dominant person that’s needy. The need is about money it could be he’s generally lonely. I feel he had an inability to connect with people beyond his need to just have to find a way to dominate the scene. So his need to provide unneeded advice isn’t always just directed towards me. He often does this to everyone though he should know who’ll listen to him and who won’t. In my case I’ve given him a reason to think I’ll listen to him even though he may also know that I won’t follow up.

All the same this is why I know he tends to overreact to things. Trying to check me before I make a mistake even though perhaps I wasn’t even thinking about that. Let’s say he asked me to send him something (probably a draft e-mail or whatnot he’s not that good with typing evidently) and then he might come back to me later when I type out one errant phrase. His dominant side also is a clue that he viewed our relationship far differently than how I might’ve viewed it. Perhaps he sees himself as a fatherly figure I could look at him as a brother but he just wants to be more over me than anything. This is not a friendship which is how I prefer to view our relationship. Well most of my relationships outside of family or romance.

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DB? lol

Which also reminds me when we did talk last year and we go onto the subject of “The Show” he often seemed to discuss the negative. He may not understand that I don’t enjoy talking about it, but he does like to remind me about one time that I went off on “Deranged Barney” he seems to like for me to go over it again and again – another irritating thing he likes to do. When I called him after running into DB his response was to throw it back to me telling me I need to let it go and then just say what’s up man how’s it going. Essentially blowing off that I have no need to speak to that man again.

Beyond that he literally does run me down on the phone. From his words he told me that he felt so sorry for me, claiming that I had no one no friends, no male influence, he tried to take me under his wing as a mentor. Bear in mind when we first started working together he already came out to start begging for money. And based upon the knowledge that he had such a pitiful view of yours truly and likes to come on strong he just wasn’t the mentor or male influence that I needed.

And since he seems to like to mention that I’m a virgin – something I won’t discuss with him especially since he started off this way when we first met – and his need to dispense dating advice or even worse keeps recommending women I work with at the theater he seems to have some disgusting habits with regards to women. Granted – and surprisingly – he’s had some success with women that is he’s getting his d**k wet according to him and of course being a man in his 50s has several children. If only the grannies he claims to have f**ked realize that he’s showing their images – no nudes mind you just pics of women he’s connected with – letting me know how much action he’s getting.

Worse image he gave me was that one granny he claimed to have had relations with asked him to pull out. She used her hands to insure a “money shot” across the face. For some reason he wants me to know how nasty these women want it. With that said, why does he pursue grannies, because they won’t likely get pregnant. Though at the theater he did claim that he had relations with some of our younger coworkers who were largely in their 20s. Those silly young things like the wild @S$h0l3s as I now believe Anthony is.

Finally, I basically hadn’t heard from Anthony essentially since February when he called me from a different number. I noted that in another post he sent me a txt asking me to call him to which I never did. I just asked him who he was and he responded, simply decided that he probably wanted something. Thankfully he hadn’t really pressed that he wanted me to call him back since that time. Believe me if he really wanted something he’d put on a full court press and then when I did he’ll just comment hes been trying to get my attention and he just doesn’t understand.

I suppose for now he probably doesn’t need anything pressing – especially money. Perhaps he’s finally sensed that I’ve been frustrated with him. I also consider the fact that he’s borrowed money from me again & again and showed no urgency in paying me back. I realize our whole relationship was him looking to take advantage and keeping me in a position where he can continue to do so. Perhaps as he said he was glad that I found the job at “Fresh” and was happy that I left “The Show” that he just shows the side where he’s truly not happy for me. Perhaps that merely means that he’s losing control of yours truly.

Regardless I still feel as if he may try to get back in touch with me. When I tell friends or my mother about him they say a variety of things. They may say good riddance because I’ve not talked to him since last year. They may say he’s a sociopath and I should avoid contact at all costs. Part of me wants to tell him off which could prove to be dangerous as I view him as a troll akin to my so-called arch nemesis DB. So I’m not sure what the next move is right now, I do somewhat expect that he may try to contact me again!

 

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MGTOW Virgins

 

Earlier this year I wrote about MGTOW so now I’m somewhat getting back to this. Another brave man shows his face admitting that he’s MGTOW Messiah and a 38 year old virgin. He wants to break down some of the stereotypes. He said this was a choice and it’s not a matter of not being able to get some p***y.

To speak for myself as a man who is in the same boat as him, even though I hit a bump in the road last year I finally got myself in the position where I could do some things. Perhaps take a vacation or take up a hobby or perhaps even start off a side hustle and make even more money. When it came to women I had been in the doldrums because I wasn’t make enough money and had very little going for myself.

Even had someone like Anthony who just took a serious issue with the fact that I work with a number of women whom I could be trying to talk to. It seems to him I’m just not interested and sadly he won’t accept that for a great many of them that I really wasn’t interested. In some instances I literally blew it by some of my actions though in others some of their actions made it very easy for me to stay away from them.

All the same I like “Messiah’s” style just do you own thing and go your own way. In my case as stated already I long for that special person to come around. Just hope I’m open enough to “shoot my shot” as it were. Though as is the case for the formerly unfortunate male virgin I may need to find a strategy away from online dating. It hasn’t worked for yours truly either!

Virgins

The Formerly Unfortunate Virgin Male recently had an interview with Eve from her blog Unleashing the Cougar. A comment she made on this blog made an appearance as one of the questions for Tommy (the former unfortunate virgin male) to address to which he gives a pithy answer.

I recommend you read this month’s entry to his blog. It’s spring well he might have more of a spring than I am in Chicago, however, he’s still doing things for his enjoyment. That’s what life is about you have work and then you have play. And as happened with Tommy, things happened for him as he explored on his blog. If you haven’t checked him out lately plz do.

On the virgin front, I haven’t really found many blogs on virgin women. And while it seems far more acceptable for a woman to remain “untouched” if you will some may view it as a little strange especially if you go beyond a certain age. Just take this segment from Steve Harvey.

With this said, even though she hadn’t posted in a while Krysta is a virgin who has a blog. She admits somewhat to why this has happened in this post – I’m an adult virgin. She does in other posts talk about her relationship history and if she’s face with situations such as this, I understand why she remains if you will “untouched”. Perhaps Eve should find a way to be in touch with her.

When she shoots her shot

One of the guys I met in college shared this song by Alicia Keys “You don’t know my name” on his instagram page. He shared in four parts and in a meme format with the caption “when she shoots her shot first”. Hmmm, then I hear the song and to be honest it struck me as creepy.

Perhaps I’m making more out of this than I should. If the right girl comes along, but you likely don’t notice her so then she tries to get your attention. Why is this, because perhaps she knows she’s interested in you? Perhaps it’s more of a case of she wants to see if you will go for it. Meaning you can either go for it and still be left with nothing or you don’t go for it and you’re an a**hole. Ex: Candice.

All the same this video starts off well enough she uses a business card to contact this man who comes into this diner perhaps for coffee or breakfast. She’s instantly taken with him and sees his business card. She calls him up and strikes up a conversation, strangely enough he never seems to respond and she’s just responding to whatever he says. Wait that doesn’t make any sense right? That’s because at the end of the video even though she’s making out with the man she got in touch with, it turns out it was all a day dream he’s gone from the diner, and she doesn’t realize his business card is in a fish bowl waiting for her to grab it.

See that’s why he never appears to say anything when she talks to him on the phone. She never took her shot it was all imagined. He’s another man whom she may or may not ever see again. I meet a woman like this – who’s very forward and shoots her shot – well I don’t respond to it well. I’m guessing most men won’t for the most part. The reverse happens with men of course, there are women I like upon seeing them – even if I know little about their personality – then I never see them again!

I asked a friend of mine about a video I showed him about those professional women (a production of the now deleted mgtow 101 YouTube channel). There was one woman who was talking to a man – outside of her race – the convo was going well but ultimately they parts and she’s left wondering “WTF happened?”. One of the girls outright suggest that she asks for his number, she says no. It’s hard for her to make that move because women expect to be pursued. And if she did shoot her shot, she could still be seen by a man not used this behavior as a “flake”.

To be honest, I hate the idea of the pursuit. Perhaps it’s easier if say I really was a hunter, which I’m not all the same I have to catch a prey. Perhaps a rabbit or a deer that’s what I call hunting and the interesting part is that you shoot your shot with the prey. Get your rifle make a kill and you have dinner or more accurately that satisfaction of a successful hunt. In this case when it comes to romance, dating, or sex hunting is a little different and the results could hurt your self-esteem. Perhaps no one likes the feeling of not being wanted even in a romantic/sexual sense.

As a guy have to put my feelings in my pocket with a woman of course when things don’t go well and then that becomes hard. It’s always about finding the right woman who suits you best. It’ll never be about a woman who you have to continuously bow down to because she said yes and it’s not worth finding someone who suits you best. Or at least it should never be about that.

With that said everyone is different. A man could give in to a woman who shoots her shot. Perhaps it works out and they have a lasting relationship, which is never a bad thing. On the other hand, you could shoot your shot and force it with the result being a backfire which has happened of course. On the other hand if you don’t try something that enables you to have that relationship bottom line is that you’ll never know.

“MGTOW”

NOTE: I had published this post and then edited it because there was a video here that aptly highlighted my feelings as far as my love life. Unfortunately that YouTube channel mentioned in the rest of this post has been deleted. Perhaps I’ll find that video and post it later, meanwhile after publishing this post and realizing video wasn’t available had to take it down right quick and then edit this post. An earlier video posted here on this channel therefore no longer works as well, shame. In some parts of the internet free speech doesn’t rule anymore. 😦

I’ve been doing some research on “mgtow” or men going their own way for a while since posting that video in december about those single professional women from a YouTube channel mgtow 101. My observation is that many of those men who go their own way have at some point actually been burned by women and this is not something I can safely say. To further clarify perhaps they were burned by women they were in relationships with at some point in their lives.

In my case all I can say is the women who I’ve liked had rejected me with a case in point with Nicole. For the most part my story has often been I’m too slow to make my move and only opens the door to other men to swiftly come & get her. It happens unfortunately though there are other factors that truly lie within self.

As for why I’m interested, I’ve been “mgtow” all my life. I never chased women with very few exceptions, and there have been opportunities that I never took up. Only recently have I got myself into a position where I can do as much focus on self as possible. Still “mgtow” offers something that perhaps I wasn’t getting.

If you remember Anthony, he takes great stock in my hooking up. He really wants me to have some female companionship. When he gets to thinking about nothing else I do in life is worth it if there is no companion in my life. My theory is, he’s lonely himself and often on the prowl but in reality other than his own progeny, there really isn’t a companion in his life. Well there are pics of women he claims to have f***ed, but then to be honest I don’t want to hear it.

All the same, I often stated how once upon a time my virginity was a choice. I didn’t want to have sex until marriage and didn’t want children until marriage. This wasn’t entirely a religious conviction, but certainly something that felt right to me at one point in time. The only caveat is that I never dared to get to know some of the ladies back in high school or college.

Conversely women fought to not have their worth attached to that of a man. And while I also see some aspects of “mgtow” swears off any relationships with women, I generally won’t go that far. If the right woman comes along who suits me best and my mindset is where it needs to be, believe me I’m game.

As of now, my goal just has to be continuing to work on self. If a woman notices not that I’m a hard worker, but that i have some qualities that she’s looking for then I hope to be that man. Perhaps I’ll have that direction she wants to see, perhaps she sees that I want something out of life and wants to be part of it.

Meanwhile anyone who only wants to see me get out there and chase p***y just to say I’ve had a woman are themselves deluded. They seem to have a warped idea of what they want out of life and while it’s OK to live women and want to get with them, they surely want more out of life than attend to the whims of a woman. My goal was never sex even back in the day, I wanted something from a woman it was certainly a connection that sadly I never got. Perhaps it was because I never tried, perhaps my expectations were much more than observing from many of the women I interacted with back in the day.

Meanwhile my strategy as of now is to go my own way. Find the activities and hobbies I enjoy doing and perhaps that woman will emerge who suits me best.

Be part of the world

As I’ve stated already the idea of having sex or otherwise relations with the opposite sex to be part of the world is kind of backwards to me. That doesn’t happen unless you’re part of the world, thus I have to find activities or interests where one could connect with people. Thus you become part of the world and you can begin to find love or sex.

You don’t always find either from work. Or you don’t find either because people keep needing to lecture you about it or just make random comments.

All the same this article lets me know I had been on the right track. Take an improv class or take an art class. Hopefully you find someone you like or they like you though you can learn something new, especially something creative. And yes I know those aren’t the only things I could do to become part of the world.

 

Stand Up for You — The Unedited Version of Being Single & Christian

why am i sharing this? i say this is a lesson worth learning. know your worth and stand up for you.

As singles, It is easy to settle for scraps Be a dirty secret Bargain for things that have an equivalent worth of a penny Allow others to take advantage Struggle to maintain healthy boundaries If you are not careful, allow someone to chip away at your value Compromise on the respect and love you deserve Guilt […]

via Stand Up for You — The Unedited Version of Being Single & Christian