mary aka crazy vibes unfortunately i learned was let go from “fresh foods” a few months ago. she had that odd crazy giggle and was pleasing to the eyes physically, but i had decided that she had some issues upstairs. while i personally was attracted to her, her mental state kept me distant.
in some respects she was very nice probably very cool. though because i made no effort to approach here – and there had been many opportunities – there was some distance. i probably never gave her a reason to really bridge the distance in my case i was unsure if i should’ve.
in that neighboring department there was a new young woman – of about 21 – who had been there since the summer. her body type resembles the young lady you see below though she left a lot more to the imagination than what you see here.
i will call this woman mary jr. she seems a lot more playful – and probably in a less crazy way than mary. she’s thicker, younger, and has caught my eye and certainly the eye of other young men. like mary, junior seems to have a certain distance from me.
often mary jr might send a quick comment my way about my whistling for example – she doesn’t like it apparently. otherwise not much is said by me and typically she doesn’t seem to notice me. i rarely have much to say to her and it might be because there is an age difference and it’s certainly attributable to her playful and youthful demeanor.
as of now however she’s one of the most interesting women i’ve seen at work. my dilemma is how to proceed and i’ve never been very good at that.
part of me wants to resort to the whole anonymous not slipped in her locker and she may want to know who’s interested. i feel as if that won’t go over very well.
i like to think i look younger than my almost 40 designation, however, doing the note thing is really beneath me. would the best move for me who’s never been on a bonifide date with a grown woman – well over 21 mainly – is to be bold? and considering that i’m checking out women at the work place regardless of their age this is something i want to be careful with.
Sat on this video for a while, time to give it some sunlight. Posted about my experiences with porn here. Perhaps this skit you see summarizes my success with women. In this case perhaps one reason I’ve never had sex, if someone likes me I either fail to pick up on the cues or I miss out by not making a move.
However, Dr. Chris doesn’t think that ‘virgin’ is an accurate description for the guy.
Source: Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’
I haven’t heard this podcast, but I just have to say if i had Amber Rose as a friend my imagination would run wild. I respect that this guy wants to wait until marriage to experience sex, but if only I had some of that oral experience Ms. Rose’s friend has. I missed out big time.
it hits me because i haven’t thought of this name in years – Rae-Lewis Thornton. i was in high school in the 1990s when i saw her speak on two occasions. i went on a field trip to see her speak at a local community college auditorium and then another time she spoke to our high school.
then i remembered that we were disruptive to her when she was speaking to our auditorium. she definitely gave a quick STFU to the audience after they continued to chat or even spoke loudly to her. many of us didn’t want to hear what she had to say.
i listened in part all i know was that she had HIV. she somehow got infected with the virus and she dedicated herself to speaking about the disease and hopefully save lives. i was a naive kid back then but it wasn’t until high school when i realize young folks my age were having sex. there were quite a few young women who were walking around pregnant and it didn’t matter if they were freshmen or seniors.
all the same, is this a reason i’m still a virgin. a partial reason, high school was the first period that i had sex education. a rapper – Easy E – died of AIDS my freshman year of high school. a health educator gave us a talk about about that and educated us on condoms and STDs as a result. now i still wonder how many of us didn’t listen and contracted an STD not just get pregnant.
perhaps in her own way she saved my life although i had already decided on the idea of sex after marriage. one problem i still had from those days, i never really talked to the girls nor dated. which means i never figured out what to do back then.
Back to a semi-infrequent topic. To underscore the fact that this post isn’t safe for work the pic below is of Sinnamon Love getting some lovin’.
I started this post in early February getting ready for this period called Lent. Those who are Catholics had chosen to give something up, often a vice but it could be other things. It’s something I have only become aware of fairly recently.
Hell I didn’t realize the big party in New Orleans they call Mardi Gras was in keeping with Lent. It’s not a very Christian thing to show off your boobs for beads. Anyway I digress. 😛
I want to steer this thought towards how any potential growth for any relationship with a woman could be damanged or stunted because one chooses to view women through the lens of porn. I often fantasized about getting a woman in the same predicatement as that man had gotten Ms. Love.
Now to make Ms. Love not a nasty fantasy but a real person I can recognize that yes she’d be the one I’d like to make whoopie with. Meaning she’s done it in front of video cameras and done it many different ways so therefore she’d be worth it.
A lot of these women out there with whom I may have interest and unfortunately a difficulty expressing it I have no idea the extent of their desires. That is I don’t know what they’re willing to do for any man, especially one they may care for. It’s the great unknown and what often vexes me is the fact that it takes time to get a woman to the point where she’d even go there with you.
I realize often at various points that I have opportunity and it’s never taken. When it’s obvious I’m unsure how to proceed. Sometimes my hesitance may have done me some good but often depending upon her I may feel like I missed out on something.
Anyway, I realize that the fantasy of anal or just frolicking with a woman in general as they do in porn is one that intensifies in my mind. Especially I’m not getting any and that means somehow there needs to be some change in focus. Perhaps its in changing my comfort level with conversing with women and then steering whatever develops from that into attraction.
So far in just pondering this I still have little clue how to turn that imaginary key.
sometimes i still consider the case of candace. i haven’t seen that young woman in almost five years. she takes up some space on this blog and more so than any woman for whom i’ve expressed no interest in reciprocation to any interest she may have had in me.
i recognize now that i engaged in some behaviors which were just as easily off putting to her as i thought them clever. my sarcasm and my obliviousness drove her away. i guess there was a part of me that wanted to continue to dish my own “punishment” until she gave up.
for her part she fell in to her “kliq” of that period such as my one-off foe of that time who proved to have some allies in a number of places at “the show”. if she was the one who could have made some difference for me during that very tense time i definitely blew it even if i would never truly reciprocate her attention.
i also recognize that due to what i saw as her aggressiveness it was possible she had her own agenda and it never benefited me. of course this could be one of the “what ifs” of my story, but if i did give in to her attention is it possible that this would’ve been more gossip. chances are in dealing with the kids that worked at the theater at that time there was gossip anyway whether i took my shot or not.
what i consider is that a girl of about 19 or 20 – she could be slightly older or younger – had been seeking male attention. she may not have really wanted to have any type of serious relationship. she just wanted attention and it’s possible ignoring or rejection wasn’t acceptable. my response to her – as it had been then – was not very good and while i held the guise of it being entertaining to me it was truly a problem for her. or it became a problem for her until she stopped showing any response to my behavior.
sometimes i consider how oblivious i can be to women who want to give me the attention. unfortunately it’s not often that women give me attention and besides for the most part in our society women are being pursued not the pursuers. however if a pursued women likes the attention she can always encourage or discourage it if she doesn’t and sometimes the distinction becomes funny if she somehow decides whether or not she likes the person giving the attention.
sometimes i wonder if from some available woman, i missed the mark. it doesn’t matter if it’s candace, missy – which seems very unlikely, mary, becky, regina, janice, nicole, or even elise. i never got comfortable or even knew how to respond to any woman who expressed their own interest in me. and perhaps at the same time i find a way to be suspicious of it.
it makes me wonder if something is going on upstairs where i can’t help but hurt myself when it comes to women.
somehow i found this article searching for anything on male virginity. i would like to find such a woman whether or not she’s either old or young.
then again would i feel comfortable being just another notch on a woman’s lists of v-cards she’s helped to punch? something to decide and besides i like the idea of getting my v-card punched by a loving girlfriend.
other than that where have these women been. have they been under my nose all along?