Eliminate

One of my long term goals has been to stay away from porn. I would be alright if I never watched a minute of porn as it’s become very perverse to yours truly.

Except that when I take a break from it sometimes I go right back to it. They say you shouldn’t quit something cold turkey except porn ought to be one thing one should quit in such a fashion. We’re not talking about substance abuse we’re talking about something that’s more psychological.

I shared a quick review of this movie from a few years ago called Don Jon which where the title character has largely the same types of issues. He may get the women he wants even had a girlfriend during the course of the movie but is so unsatisfied with his conquests that he turns to porn. The girlfriend had to catch him not once but twice to break up with him because he lied to her. Regardless she made him wait for sex and he was still unsatisfied.

He admitted later that the porn was him being selfish. He thought more of the fantasies he had from watching porn than the actual desires of the women he was with. It took meeting a widowed MILF to train him away from the fantasy of pornography. He realized in order to satisfy his needs he also had to satisfy the needs of his girlfriend.

I suppose after so many years of watching porn I had no issues with the various scenarios men and women find themselves in whether we’re talking threesomes or orgies. I talked about how I liked watching bondage scenes or women doing anal. I also recognize that if you take some of those things in porn into your own bedroom things could get to the point where one could go too far.

I could fantasize about smacking a woman upsider buttocks one time and watch the jiggle of her skin and muscles (or fat sorry ladies) then I get concerned about whether or not I could turn that off. Jack V wants a lifetime companion and lover not a partner who’s scared of him for not knowing where the line is.

So I realize that I need to stay away from porn. My mind need to be on more realistic relations with women. Yes I do desire a wife in the future and hope that we can do adult things as a couple I just hope that there isn’t a point where I could go too far. That’s my worry now and perhaps that makes me a terrified virgin.

My idealized relationship with a woman has always been romantic. I also know there are women who sneeze at that. Not all women seem to want a romantic man and yes I recognize being romantic might not be best at first meeting. However, porn which seems to have a history of cheesy pick up lines once a scene progresses is not the frame of reference I need when trying to build relationships with women.

What I recognize now is that the porn I see now where there are plenty of scenes with women who are pushed to the point where they might need diapers in the future. Or women who are often roughed up, slapped around or even faces contorted by the aggressive hands of a man is not something that is particularly appealing.

What’s also not very appealing about porn are the very alternative expressions of sexuality that now exist in porn. It’s strayed far away from what I started seeing porn for which is two people doing the nasty. There are things that I find perverse that now is just something I just don’t want to see. I steer far away from that content.

Just have to ask myself why it’s so difficult to move on!

Reflections

When I started this blog I had a specific vision of losing my virginity before a certain age. Well it hasn’t quite worked out that way. Worse still I haven’t made many of the benchmarks I hoped to have.

I had to suffer some disappointments and not only sexual ones or even relationship ones. This blog often focuses on work, it’s the one thing I know how to control. Perhaps not the people around me bosses and coworkers, but just having a job in general. I figure if a job is nothing more than a means to an end other things will follow.

I found this article looking up anything on virginity. This woman’s story – L. Rosen – is seemingly the most 2020 story ever. She wants to have a child and started off as a 40 year old virgin, then she ran into her childhood friend and lost her virginity to him. She’s still trying to have a child doing fertility treatments although this bug put a halt to it!

It causes me to take stock in what’s going on now. I feel as if in writing this blog I made more personal progress in my life. I had to cut out nosy people who really had very little to add to my life other than leeching. I realize what it takes to be successful to hopefully become a husband and father.

Unrealistically I think fortunes just change, reality is that you have to work to change your fortunes. The scary part as always is just getting the ball rolling – getting started. Waiting has gotten me nowhere.

I never before noted this, but as far as connecting with a girl or with a woman my hope was that it would happen organically. Perhaps I get that magic education or get the magic job, that hasn’t happened. I mention to a couple of childhood classmates that I went to a prestigious university usually no further contact ensues with those women I went to school with. It could be said yours truly got that prestigious degree but has very little to show for it. On the other hand when finally crossing the stage and getting that sheepskin I never felt so useless.

Thankfully I went through a whole decade after leaving Mission College with the work experience and skills that should’ve really been attained starting in my teens. I feel very behind in adulthood in more ways than one to be honest. However as long as I have life, I will not stop and it needs not stop at getting a woman. My life need not stop at that, however, I do desire a family of my own and will continue to work towards that.

So I think I do share a goal with Ms. L. Rosen….

Advice: Deflowering a male virgin

I’ve been looking for this video for years. Unfortunately I don’t have any female friends whether work or school that I’d feel this comfortable with. Actually comfort isn’t the word, the women I’ve known and maintained friendly contact aren’t the types of women I’d have any sexual attraction for.

One I’ve known since high school is married and knows of some of my issues with women especially in college. Another one who I’ve been talking to since my days at Mission College really isn’t my type and I’mm glad to count her as a friend, however, she often leans on me for relationship things. Anyone else I’ve maintained contact with either aren’t very attractive or perhaps a little too old etc.

I suppose if I really maintained contact whether through school or work with any attractive women I hope that it would be a subject she would be willing to listen. Of course she has to be comfortable and I have to be open about my desire. So whoever wrote Max on this subject was very open to deflowering a man otherwise she wouldn’t have even asked for advice.

With this being said, I’m glad I found this video and from what I recall Max suggested the lady should go for it. Perhaps they have by now since the video is eight years old.

Motivation

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Since I started an instagram account I’ve been looking for memes whether on other sites or on Instagram and found this one. I like to censor words but chose not to here. This might be on my account in the future, but I thought this was funny or poignant.

I’ve met a guy in this boat. Just as he likes to portray himself he’s a wolf who’s always up for the opportunity to get his needs met. At the same time as far as money he comes up short. So I can view there being something wrong in that instance.

However, here’s my stance if chasing women or sex is what makes you happy then I’m all for it. There was a time I’d judge and believe everyone should get married and have families though thats probably not for everyone. I’m not as black and white about it as I have been.

On the other hand if you want to chase money then that’s OK also. While I recognize broke men can get women also, if you want a certain type you have to upgrade. Perhaps making good money will allow you to access better quality women (well that sounds a tad misogynistic doesn’t it?)

Anyway, I find myself wondering what was I chasing years ago. My attention has been money lately especially as far as a job, however, I know that jobs are nothing more than a means to an end. Regardless during my teenaged years through my 20s I’m wondering what was I chasing, what motivated me.

So I see this meme and start asking myself that question. I was chasing a pie in a sky dream back in the day but definitely lacked a clear direction. What I do know is that I definitely wasn’t chasing women otherwise I wouldn’t have started this blog.

With that said a man could be motivated by satisfying his needs or otherwise being able to attract members of the opposite sex. Or he could me motivated by achieving financial success or some type of success outside of matrimony or the bedroom. It’s interesting that only now have I found something to get motivated by.

GQ: What It’s Like to Be an “Old” Virgin

You can count me in as one of those people who have remained a virgin later in life. In my case I just haven’t found the right one, and to be honest I’ve always beleived in finding the right one. Actually I fell in for finding the one and got quickly rejected….

All the same there are a number of people out there who had experienced what I experienced and in some cases as noted in GQ they lost it later also. Some were underwhelmed, some lost it to an escort, and some just got it over with. I find myself wondering where I will find myself once the right one came along.

I hope I won’t fall into the camp of just getting it over with. Hopefully I can feel genuine attraction and companionship with the women I’d do it with.

Race & MGTOW

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Often when writing this blog I write this as racially neutral as possible. Of course if anyone is curious about my race – as much as I wanted to de-emphasize this – there are some hints to this. For those who know what to look for the evidence is right in front of you. Regardless, I often stay away from the issue of race though only in the context of potential mates because I could always date someone different from my background.

With this said this post from Shannon in Kansas City blog declared MGTOW “white people’s business”. She further declares that any black man that declares themselves MGTOW are only following a movement that really is about average white men expressing their own frustrations with educated white women. Educated white women have more options and also could choose to remain single if they find no compatible partners. Educated white women could also choose to focus on their careers instead of just seeking a compatible mate.

The reason why any man chooses to go their own way is varied. For me, I hadn’t always had much luck as far as dating and these days instead of focusing on finding that woman I just try to improve myself. Improving myself includes the job, but certainly it means having some social goals as it’s one reason why I missed out on that time when I should’ve met that woman.

So basically MGTOW isn’t as simple as average white men frustrated with the achievements of educated white women. My observation of MGTOW has often revolved around for example men being hurt by a woman they had relationships with. Also men commonly believe women have it easy in the world. As far as society here in America at least women have it easy especially when it comes to divorces, courts will generally be more generous to a divorcee than to a man who’s marriage is broken up. It might be as far as alimony, division of assets, or even who gets the children.

I would dare say the black men seen in a video from a MGTOW channel seen on this blog last month illustrated a group of men who are going their own way. They have their own reasons for going their own way if they term their journey in that way. Perhaps Shannon’s post could just as easily be about those men.

So to speak for myself I don’t have disdain for women. I hope to meet the right woman in the future. I don’t begrudge an educated woman and desire one for myself as I’m educated also. My reasons to wave the MGTOW flag isn’t the same as on any YouTube channel or facebook page.

Also to comment on this:

There are a lot of problems in the Black community and I think that Black men should focus their energy on something other than disdain for women. Even if they don’t want to marry or involve themselves with women Black men have much bigger fish to fry than MGTOW concerns. For example, I think that inner city crime is a more pressing matter. How about all that police brutality? Black men simply don’t have the time.

Police brutality and inner city crime are important. What about fatherless children? What about a quality education for children? Why aren’t black men and women getting married to give their black sons & daughters a stable family and home?

Disdain for women no, for me the state of relationships between men and women are as easily an issue to worry about as issues Shannon mentions for example. So as I go my own way, it’s important to just as easily look at the state of relationships between men and women. Perhaps there is a reason for black men going MGTOW.

My 2¢ as always.

Part of the world

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Last year I did a post called MGTOW which stands for men going their own way. I had begun to follow some of the MGTOW youtube channel although my favorite one got taken down ultimately. It opened my eyes to the idea at least that a man should go his own way, become a better man, and that he doesn’t need a woman to do so.

Now this is a male virgin blog and I suppose if society has their way I should be shunned or pitied to have never made a woman’s acquaintance before in life. Everything I do so far in my life is empty without either having had sex at a bare minimum or having a married with children at any point in my life. Its the one thing that many have used to define me especially if I wind up making an ignorant comment about women, sex or relationships.

I’ve had people decide it was OK to lecture me about how I need to go out and become part of the world. For example join a dating website so that I could get laid next week or I need to hurry up get out there into the dating world before I turn 40 or the women will laugh at me. Just trying to cause a sense of urgency on my part to connect with a member of the opposite sex before “its too late”. And I find myself wondering how empty is his life where he feels as if he needs to say anything about it?

Let’s be honest about something as far as being part of the world for some it’s defined by having companionship as a bare minimum. To be fair, I haven’t really been part of the world. I missed out on that time in my youth where I should’ve met that woman. I spent a number of years in college – longer than I should’ve honestly – and I never really involved myself in social events. While I might have desired some of the women I met at school outside of social events or on facebook I feel as if I had more drama going on in without involving myself in relationships. I had to pay for school, avoid any academic issues, and then of course finally graduate.

In order to meet that special someone I have to go out into the world and interact. I often failed to do that and often preferred to keep to myself. Of course there were times trouble came to me, and often without me knowing how to handle it. It caused me further keep to myself and as a result those women who would’ve been interested in me found other men to engage with. It also didn’t help that after a number of missteps it took me time to finally finish my undergrad.

Then I arrived at “The Show” and aside from a few social moments, I never allowed myself an opportunity to truly connect with the young women or older women that I had worked with. Though what I can say about that period was it was the first period I had found gainful employment and had a few more dollars in my pocket as a result. Still I felt at that point that I couldn’t afford to do the many things that will allow me to become part of the world.

Sometimes I do feel as if I’m behind in my life. While many are out dating and meeting people or they’re married and building their families, I’m still stuck in teenage mode. I still have to figure out things that should’ve been worked out years ago.

Think about this, I graduated from college later. Found a regular job and eventually a full-time job later. And any other accomplishments I will ultimately meet them later as well. Perhaps realizing my potential as a man (and more for myself as I’m beginning to recognize) will have to come later as well.

I’m behind because I’ve never been part of the world, time to find ways to become part of the world.

Desperation…

You know when it comes to jobs or women perhaps I have come off as desperate. Of course it might depend on how I really wanted to be employed especially at a major company or depends upon the woman. I can see how it could be a turn off to see someone desperate or get one-itis about jobs or a girl. Instead of it being flattering that someone really wanted to work somewhere or be with someone it later becomes you don’t have any other options?

So I had been sitting on this post for years and never published this. You know what the topic of discussion is, prostitution. Jack V could go visit a prostitute but finding a streetwalker on the mean streets of Chicago and risk my health just for getting my jollies off for a few seconds. Or at worst risking my reputation since well it’s still illegal.

Perhaps I could always go to Nevada to get the deed done once I was ready for that. Hopefully what happens out there stays out there. I can do it as nasty as I’d like because unfortunately I haven’t found one who wasn’t a “sex worker” who wanted to do so with yours truly.

Except, would it solve my issue as far as relating to women. I’ll admit I missed something over the years as far as that. For example a woman wants someone who’s funny until she doesn’t. She instead wants a man who’s serious and then she wants a man who’s not too serious. She wants to be a with a man who no one will mess with except sometimes she’ll stay with a man who assaults her. Sometimes she wants to be with a nice man until she realizes that man is a pushover and then she realizes that she’s lost interest.

I could just go out and buy some p#$$y or I could connect with one woman who wants to be with me. I’ve survived this long without finding that special woman. And I’m still trying to figure out how to be the man any woman would want. Who knows if I’ll ever get there, but I’d like to be that guy any woman would want. Perhaps it’s not just about how much money I make or my fashion choices, but just be a good person.

So I can recognize buying it won’t solve my problem, I might still be lonely. Once I return home from a brothel anywhere I’ll still come home to a warm bed with no one else in it. In the long run, that’s not really the outcome I’d want.

Valentine’s

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Cupid

You know the purpose of this post is yours truly coming to the realization that he’s never been in love. Then again you should’ve know that already, it’s no big secret. Evidently it’s painfully obvious with some of the stories I’ve written on this blog where I haven’t done very well with available women over the years.

More accurately I haven’t done very well with available young women during my years in school – which could include K-12, community college, and then “Mission College”. I could also point out my issues with the young women whom I worked with. In writing this blog I realize there were some changes that needed to be made although, it seems I’m easily distracted.

The question is why has yours truly never been in love. It’s not like I’m a man on a mission as it seems I can’t help but stumble into situations. It’s not like I really had some grandplan since I was in kindergarten to take over the world and remake it in my image.

The main reason why this idea of “love” has eluded me in my life is because I simply expected it to happen. It’s like becoming a mgr at “The Show” it just didn’t happen. What I never learned is that to get the woman of your dreams you have to plant the seeds. In reality perhaps I never really learned the idea of game or seduction or otherwise just engaging a woman who truly interests me. And on top of that she has to be interested in me also.

I suppose it’s late in the game for me to really try to learn about relationships with the “fair sex”, however, it’s a weird dynamic. One role model should’ve been my parents and sadly their relationship just wasn’t the best that I have seen while they were together. My brother figured it out eventually he went through some changes when he was out courting.

What I realize is that it’s a wonderful thing to truly have someone who you love and loves you back. It’s a wonderful feeling that you’re in love with someone and they’re also in love with you. And perhaps with adult relationships their is always more to it than the simplicity I try to associate with them, however, I’ve never experienced this.

If only real life could be like Hollywood’s most popular romance pictures. I should’ve learned with some of my more awful attempts at connecting with women that it’s just not easy. Especially for a n00b like myself.

Not to depress you all, but I do hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day and especially if you’re marking the occasion with someone you care about…