This woman “dated up”

sea sunset beach couple

I thought this was appropriate for this blog and wondered how a guy could date up?

Amber Lucas further explains

The most important thing I had to change was the type of guys I dated. Most of them were emotionally immature and financially irresponsible.

I’d bail them out. One guy wanted money because he couldn’t make rent. He couldn’t afford it because he’d spend his whole salary on weed.

Another guy left his rusty, old car at my home for three weeks. He couldn’t afford the maintenance. It was leaking oil. He used my AAA insurance to have it towed.

Those experiences made me want to meet more stable men — someone mature who could make interesting conversation and approached relationships with a generous mindset, a man with a handle on his life. I wanted to “date up.”

When I was still in school and as an older student I probably didn’t mind it. Meet a woman who was further established than I had been. Chance are though it probably would be a non starter for most women. Women want a man more established than them just the nature of human relationships it rarely works the other way.

I sort of applaud this woman for making a decision about the types of men she dates. She should’ve be associated with deadbeats if she doesn’t want to.

Yet at the same time, is a guy allowed to make that same decision. Choose better women than them as men. Perhaps it shouldn’t be a class thing or an appearance deal, just a compatibility deal. Sometimes you just have to find a way to attract the types of mates you really want.

This woman doesn’t want a deadbeat, understandable, at the same time how much money he has in his bank account doesn’t entirely say a lot about his character. And I could find a very successful & pretty professional woman who doesn’t mind if I don’t have the same type of job as she does and yet that also isn’t an indicator of her own character.

Any thoughts?


Well religion won’t be as much discussed as perhaps my own personal history with it.

grayscale photography of people raising hands

I’ve always associated church with having to clean up and dress up. Perhaps I’m just allergic to that, well not allergic just something that perhaps my mother and father felt it was necessary to do. Of course it’s not so much that you should show up in church wearing pajamas. I like the idea of going to a service in casual attire which suits me best.

Either way for some reason I started looking up the church where the services for my father was held. It’s not far from home and I can’t even begin to tell you the last time I’ve been to services there. When I was out of school one of his sisters, my aunt suggested to my mother that I go to Sunday School roughly fall  2002 or so for the purposes of job leads. I’ve not been been back to that church since then.

Oh yeah current update which I offered a while ago is this aunt is currently in cognitive decline so she may not be attending services at this church as she used to in the past. Also my dad had actually joined her church.

Anyway my dad had a church home where we had his funeral and I do recall that in the past he stood up to join the church we had a period of faithful attendance and then it tapered off. Not to my surprise, yet to my relief. Although 20/20 hindsight if it could’ve helped him with his drinking it would be a good thing although it’s unknown why he stopped going regularly or even if him joining the church was part of an effort for him to stop drinking.

Anyway in perhaps the decades since his unexpected demise so many changes to that church. The church I remember over so many Sundays is no longer an active church. It’s still there, however, church services are now held in a nearby building, and I’ve never been inside that building. It’s gone through two pastors since my dad had passed away.

The one pastor I do remember presided over dad’s funeral and was in the hospital as my dad was on a respirator to pray with us. I remember his theme song when he stepped up to the podium that you see in the above video. Alas I hardly remember any of his sermons at all, so I was hardly in tune with what was going on at church. Perhaps too eager to get back home and get back to normal.

Although one thing I’ve considered if joining a church is my future. In my history there have been services which had very boisterous worship. I suppose I’ve had my fill of that. In my youth my mother and I would attend Methodist services at a nearby church. I had often dismissed Catholicism and now I’m considering it.

Come to think of it, I had been wrongly judgemental of the services I have been to. I’ve been to services where they spoke in tongue, I really had an issue with it. Of course I’ve been to services with something of a call and response style. Of course there were choirs and organs, however, right now I’m searching for my own answer.

Perhaps this is the wrong way of approaching it, but when I choose a church I want to do something different and unexpected. Catholicism could be it I think, however, if I want some “praise” thank goodness for the internet!


In the early days of this blog I approached discussing my virginity in rather idealistic ways or perhaps the reasons for it. It could be a combination of moral – even if I don’t practice a religion or it could be lack of opportunity or it could just be I can never get with the process of requesting dates. I could even say that it seems for some women dating could become a drawn out process to the point where a prospective man just says never mind. Or perhaps as could be if a guy isn’t picking up on a woman’s hints she might just go with a guy who does or even a give who gives her attention.

Anyway I’ve been thinking about religion a lot lately and it could be a passing interest. However my background is that I’ve never joined a church. My dad had joined a few years before he passed away and my mother for whatever reason never has joined a church. We might go to different church services over the years especially in my youth and usually I associate that with “dressing up” and having to clean up in order to go to church. In some respects I’ve never really enjoyed that.

At the same time I have gotten older, still a virgin and I really don’t have a religious reason for remaining this way. I always felt as if not wanting to have sex until marriage made sense, perhaps on occasion I feigned religious reasons even if that wasn’t entirely correct. Still I believe no sex until marriage made sense and even with what I’ve experienced in recent years I still believe it makes sense.

Why would I want to have sex to satisfy someone else who should really have no concern over it? That means to satisfy my social group I’d have to do it with anyone just to satisfy their odd mentality with regards to getting laid. I don’t think that’s healthy especially if the other person comes to the realization that you’re using them for their bodies and that’s all. It makes sense to me therefore that I really want to like who I’m being intimate with.

So the video above I’m sharing is because it’s of interest to me currently. Is the answer to me being a virgin is to for example adopt the Catholic faith or any faith for that matter? Perhaps I join such a large community and ultimately find a wonderful Catholic lady with whom I can start a family. Also allow me to add I can further say if I had a faith, I can say my virginity is for religious reasons.

What’s wrong with respecting your own body? What’s wrong with being picky about who you might choose to share your body with? And what’s wrong with doing that only with someone you care a lot about?

Anyway here are some topics of discussion for other posts.

  • Jack V desires a family but what does he really think about becoming a father?
  • Jack V has met people who shows disdain toward him for not getting laid what does this say about them?
  • Jack V believes no sex until marriage makes sense but then why is that?
  • Jack V wonders is it possible to just pick a faith and stick with it?

Those posts and other regularly scheduled programming coming soon….

Advice: Deflowering a male virgin

I’ve been looking for this video for years. Unfortunately I don’t have any female friends whether work or school that I’d feel this comfortable with. Actually comfort isn’t the word, the women I’ve known and maintained friendly contact aren’t the types of women I’d have any sexual attraction for.

One I’ve known since high school is married and knows of some of my issues with women especially in college. Another one who I’ve been talking to since my days at Mission College really isn’t my type and I’mm glad to count her as a friend, however, she often leans on me for relationship things. Anyone else I’ve maintained contact with either aren’t very attractive or perhaps a little too old etc.

I suppose if I really maintained contact whether through school or work with any attractive women I hope that it would be a subject she would be willing to listen. Of course she has to be comfortable and I have to be open about my desire. So whoever wrote Max on this subject was very open to deflowering a man otherwise she wouldn’t have even asked for advice.

With this being said, I’m glad I found this video and from what I recall Max suggested the lady should go for it. Perhaps they have by now since the video is eight years old.

Facebook dating?


I’ve spent about a week playing with the new facebook dating thingie. I’ve had a few matches already however not enough conversations. They jury as far as i’m concerned is still out as far as whether or not this is worth it.

I will add that since I’ve been on facebook since before it became a big deal and back when only college students largely populated the site I’ve been using the site to check out women anyway. I largely approached the site in that vein alone in addition to connecting with people I knew from before I got into Mission College.

Of course in this case I won’t just be checking out women who were my contemporaries at the neighboring universities in the area where I attended school. I will be scoping out women in the Chicago-area and hoping to make a match. Like I said I made quite a few matches though I could hardly characterize those as solid nibbles.

What I may not like since I’ve largely become vain about my age is how it’s put on your dating profile. Like I do with Tinder or even Bumble I should be able to leave that off. Perhaps I should suggest that to Facebook Dating. Also at least with Tinder you can reverse any likes or dislikes (or reverse your acceptance or rejection while swiping).

Either way I do like being able to be very selective about who you would want to match with. Let’s say you can set your filter to whether or not your potential matches has children. I could utilize that more often to be honest and not just that attribute of course.

Another thing I’ve done is pick nine women off of my facebook list that would open the door do some interesting crushes. I’ve debated whether or not they know that they’re my secret crush – which could help thin the pool of available women presuming they are single. One just for the hell of it is one I’ve been talking to since going to Mission more as a friend than as anyone I’m interested in alas. Others are from the sister school Hillman College, some live in the Chicago-area, one I used to work with, etc.

I’ll update you if I let any of these ladies know of my crush on them. And even better I can always make changes to the list so the first nine I have, may change in the future.

BTW, I got to wonder what Tommy thinks of this new facebook dating. Will he ever do a review of it? He has been very quiet lately…

Is a Late Bloomer Allowed Bad Choices…even if on Purpose?

I also consider myself a “late bloomer” and I think you’re allowed good or bad choices. I wouldn’t make the same decisions that “Dateless Man” would. Then again or would I?

My bad choice when it comes to women would be regarding youth. I’ve explored being a so-called “sugar daddy”. Except that I don’t make sugar daddy money so the odds of that is very low. Regardless having been an older student at Mission College among younger students, especially female students I’d still want to thing I can handle this.

Also, I’ve worked with younger women and still do at a grocery store. I’d entertain it although I know that I have to deal with immaturity. No matter how I could relate to women who are say of college age at least I have to accept that yours truly would be too old for them.

So I may judge Dateless Man’s choices, but if he feels it’s worth giving someone who isn’t his type an opportunity he should. I may not do that so easily, however, I have my own wants when it comes to women.

What do you think?

The New Adventures of Dateless-Man!

Once again a month has gone by without another installment from the Dateless-Man. It seems to commonly happen around the summer for various reasons; I’d been faithful about typing up at least one post a month since July 2018, when I’d missed that June. Granted, that was also the month where things regarding my still unresolved eviction battle with the slumlord started to hit full steam. I am pleased to see so many new readers are checking out what I usually dub “My Lonely Man Blog.” While most of you are from the United States, WordPress’ tabulators are detecting hits from Canada, the U.K. and even India! I guess it shows that some of the issues I have are truly universal for some men, and people in general. Anyway, we’re more than midway past August so I’d better whip something up now!

As much as it is difficult to focus…

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Psychology: Sociopathy

yellow bokeh photo

I know that I had spend just about a year “whining” about my old hustler. Also in talking with others about him I’ve run into a term that more than likely I just have gravitated towards, “sociopath”. Sometimes I have to remember that I’m not a mental health professional, and I have to stop myself from wondering who else had I run into who might have been a sociopath.

Doing that would just continue to drive me nuts and place me deeper within the kaos.

What have I written about since writing about trying to have rules of no engagement with Anthony. I’ve had the greatest period of peace in my life since I have met him. Think about this after he made some of his moves when we first met at the theater, I started off avoiding him because he came at me right away begging. Also he was the type that would let me know I had a crisis and really try to drive home that he was trying to avert this crisis.

His questions and comments about me being a virgin, I’ve decided was an attempt at an edge. He wanted me to think of it as a bad thing and it’s something I must address before a certain point before it becomes a problem. It’s probably not really an issue for him since he seems to have little issue getting any – he loves to chase p@$$y although he seems to be perpetually single. What I’ve begun to theorize since I’ve known him is this small piece of information to him means I have some value to him – i.e. money at his beck and call.

I often say that my current rules of no engagement might well bother him. He may not entirely know why I’m just not answering the phone for him. He may not understand my lack of urgency as far as his voicemail at the end of last year. Then again he might realize that I’m trying to cut ties, perhaps he knows “my game” and since that wasn’t part of his plan he’s probably trying to get me back onto his planet.

His motivations for “befriending” me years ago is clear to me. I realize that our conversations about life or business was empty – and as far as yours truly I suspect Anthony considers anything I say about life to be empty. I realize most of them time we would ever talk it often could lead to him asking for something. And now if he can keep the lines of communication going it’ll happen again because that’s the pattern.

So while a few months ago I showed a video actually of psychopaths and have used sociopath or sociopathy with regards to someone I once considered a friend I don’t want to be so judgemental. Do I think I’m still under the gun from him? Yes. However I must restate how it’s important for rules of NO engagement. I still feel as if a final dramatic confrontation will remain a very stressful concept.

The sadness of living without sex

couple under garden arch surrounded with flowers

Found this BBC article from last year where some adult virgins as old as 61 to as young as 26. One guy just turn 40 in that article and finally found himself a girlfriend.

I hate to view living without sex as a sad condition. Just shows how we all desire to be wanted, but for some reason or another it just hasn’t happened. If it’s not sex it’s just love which is what I seek not just sex.

This article was yet inspired by an 60ish man who was a widower and had sex for the first time later in his life. What I can say for him is he at least experienced love & sex. Though I’m sorry to know that he’s a widower…

Oh and stay tuned, I got a post about love coming up hopefully next month. The month of Valentine’s day unless of course someone wants it out sooner! 😛

Is it Worth Being a Jerk?

I’ve been following this blog when I can and will share another post from here that seems pertinent to my blog.

Is it worth being a jerk? My experience has been I have no idea.

For yours truly being a jerk has often backfired. To be honest I could be considered grumpy and usually that’s around family. And beyond that it probably depends upon the job such as “The Show”. I would like to think of myself as a nice guy however I haven’t always acted like one, and yet I can be portrayed as “mean”.

I suppose the answer to me being a “jerk” is very uneven. As a nice guy people will cross my boundaries and as a jerk people can’t stand me. If the people I’ve run into are prone to making snap judgements, then they judge me really quick.

I suppose I have to decide to be a so called bad boy or a nice guy. I’d rather be a nice guy and I’d rather have a less conflicted life with very little drama.

I’d rather not have people I’m at odds with, and instead be around people who like being around me. However if you feel the need to stir conflict then that’s a problem. But then as I seek an available woman this is a challenge worth taking up.

The Functional Male

Do nice guys finish last? Are you better off being a jerk? Well, I’ve already answered this question in various articles to some capacity, but perhaps it would be useful to take a few minutes (or twenty) and isolate the topic. After all—to be honest, I sometimes find myself doubting . . . myself. I’ve usually gone by the philosophy that nice guys do win, but then, sometimes I’ll see something that makes me second guess myself. And then, after awhile of introspection, find myself only reaffirming what I already know. But let’s break it down.

The case for jerks

First of all, there absolutely is some truth to the idea that jerks, bad boys, alpha males, whatever you want to call them, do receive some advantages. Of course, the most obvious is that they appear interesting and confident to those around them. But there are other reasons too.


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Is a lady’s virginity more important than that of a man? Does virginity, whether for females or males a guarantee success in marriage? These and so many more questions arose after a seemingly controversial topic on the *Benefits of Virginity*.

via Male’s Virginity – Is it really necessary? — Simply Answers