virginity problem in japan

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i’m learning japan is starting to have a sex problem as many are remaining virgins into their adulthood. japanese men & women aren’t dating and they aren’t having sex. if men and women aren’t dating nor having sex they also aren’t getting married and having children. as a result the birth rate is declining

what’s going on over there. a japanese comedian said he thought women were scary – really? well that’s what he said basing his feelings off of rejection by women. rejection is a jarring response to his interest and that’s something i can relate to though i’ve had a few.

but what makes women scary? well nothing really, i have trouble forcing myself to express interest in a woman mainly because well i could get rejected. or i may not like what i see – on the other side when you finally get that woman she may also decide she doesn’t like what she see. women in and of themselves are not scary, but dating one and building a relationship that could turn into sexual interest or more can be scary

i see that porn has been blamed for why men and women in japan are remaining virgins into their adulthood. in my humble opinion that is a cop out. you’re reading the blog of an adult virgin who has watch his fair share of porn over the years. regardless as opposed to watching adult performers have sex for my enjoyment i still long for my own partner to experience sex. merely watching sex on a vhs tape or an online flash video is no fun.

indeed for me at least i’ll know how sex is between two people even if it’s basically a performance. if it’s not a way for a virgin to educate themselves about the various aspects of sex then certainly it’s a way for a person – who is lacking in the sex dept – to please themselves. even then please yourself all you want you’re still not getting any from a compatible mate.

then also a stagnant economy in japan! perhaps that’s somewhat closest to my situation. i have student loans and for a good period of time as i entered my 30s my job prospects weren’t getting much better. i remained at a minimum wage job hoping for the best and waited some time before i finally found a better job that paid more, offered more hours, and provided benefits. even if there were available women who would date me being in such a situation caused me to stay out of the dating scene because i couldn’t believe a woman would be interested in me romantically.

perhaps that leads up to self-esteem. perhaps i had my own issues with it and not only counting the fact that i’m still a thirty-something virgin. i could talk about yours truly as a twenty-something virgin. perhaps you have to find a way to not define yourself or others according to whether or not they’ve had or hadn’t have sex. whatever your status there is something your proud of and regardless there has to be something that would attract a mate.

perhaps i struggle with this. no quirky interest or hobby could attract a mate. or perhaps that same quirkiness could attract the right person who is quirky themselves. and i certainly have developed some quirky interests/hobbies that may not interest available women.

who knows what has stunted the dating scene in japan right now.

to not act

i found these series of blogs by chance. i have a number of jackie’s in my background, women whom the opportunity was there and did little. a handful are women where there were some effort, however, it often blew up in my face.

i thought you’d be interested in these experiences. the author in question there’s uncertainty if he was a virgin. however it’s likely if the stories all began while in college and by the time you get to the final part he likely has plenty of experience with women.

so go read those three year old posts by panama jackson over at VSB

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’

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However, Dr. Chris doesn’t think that ‘virgin’ is an accurate description for the guy.

Source: Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’

I haven’t heard this podcast, but I just have to say if i had Amber Rose as a friend my imagination would run wild. I respect that this guy wants to wait until marriage to experience sex, but if only I had some of that oral experience Ms. Rose’s friend has. I missed out big time.

random

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on saturday night one of the ladies in the other dept noted that she remembered that becky bought me a cupcake and it had writing on it. the young lady who recently got promoted to supervisor we’ll call her gerry was in fact there that day, her coworker mary – aka crazy vibes – wrote on that cake although gerry didn’t exactly remember.

part of me could take this to mean something. that is well if i’m not a very important part of her work life let’s say then what happened last year was quickly forgotten. it happens often enough especially when i make the wrong move then someone is mad at me. then for a minute the relationship goes cold or that person needs an excuse anyway.

gerry i’ve been led to believe is in her 30s and outside of my race. for some reason i’ve had my eye on her, but unsure how to approach. in fact, i alluded to her in “awkward” a while ago an unsolicited friend request from someone who used to work at our store “professed” his love for her and she accepted a date with him.

physically she’s not perfect, but decent. she doesn’t seem like the friendliest person in the world – she’s not mean or anything – perhaps temperament wise she’s similar to me. although i’ve always imagined myself with a more extroverted person at least as a wife, but this isn’t about marriage it’s about getting to know these women before i even get to that step.

i suggested she finds me on fb and perhaps i’ll make it easier for her. we have mutual friends including becky so it may not be a tough sell. perhaps the next time i see her i’ll give her the e-mail address to find me and see what happens. or more likely since we do have several mutual friends i’ll just have to do the manly thing and aggressively add her to see what happens.

either way the reason i gave was i learned on that evening that her birthday is fairly close to mine. so that means we’re both sagittarius…hmmmm.

speak it into existence

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an odd concept and good fodder for a blog post. this was something spoken by one of the supervisors at work. spoken to a coworker though it’s often stated in the world not just at my job.

sometimes one’s own negativity gets into the way of positivity. sometimes i have wallowed in being a virgin. i have no one romantically, i do have friends but not many whom i seem to frequently keep in contact with even from childhood. i do desire a intimate connection with a woman that i value and trust.

with this said, it won’t be long before i’m a late 30s virgin and perhaps it’s time to believe that something will change in that department. unfortunately i have no concept of how to be successful in the dating realm. i really missed that boat when i was younger. even with online dating.

regardless sooner or later something has to change and i’m still unsure how but i want to make the next year as pivotal as two years ago had been job-wise. times have to change and as much as i value my current job with all i have accomplished the past year perhaps the nature of my personal life must change also.

i will speak into existence that i will have a relationship with a woman i value and trust. short of that relationship i hope that the woman i value and trust will be the one that i could lose my virginity to. perhaps in the new year i will know the intimacy that has been missing for most of my life.

chronicles

….of a 20ish virgin.

i think this will be a series of posts in no particular order. i may talk about women i’ve attempted to speak to or even the ones who tried to speak to me. especially when i was between 20 and 29. of course as happens on this blog i may get lost on other things such as work history or parental relationships for example.

COMMUNITY_COLLEGE

my early twenties had been spent at a community college since i graduated from high school. to be honest i had no plan for life after graduation other than my family’s expectation that i should go to college.

i enrolled at one of chicago’s community colleges and basically was average. somehow  i still had been accepted to a relatively prestigious liberal-arts college in georgia with a similar all-girls school across the street. my acceptance to that school would come the next spring.

anyway there wasn’t much action on the women front. there were a precious few women i could have asked out. especially the ones i went to class with but i was unwilling to shoot my shot. precious few still gave me any attention even if i deep down wanted it.

one semester i got a phone number – a hand written note – from a young woman i’ll refer to as carrie. carrie made a presentation in our social science class about living in public housing and some of the experiences she had. one notable part of this story was that she witnessed oral sex out in the open between people at her development.

another part of the story is that she had been touched by some of the violence that occurs in public housing. for example a high profile murder occurred and she knew the mother who lost her son to the violence. i thought it sounded as if the gang was targeting the mother but instead hit her son.

well it took me a few months to shoot my shot with carrie. and i finally did at the college library. that was at the end of the semester and i had my eye on her and she knew it. for the most part i was just uncomfortable with taking my shot but i took it.

oh yes to describe carrie. she had the nicest pair of eyes and a nice smile. i learned that she had a bit of a playful side that she on occasion displayed with me and with others. i liked what i thought of as her warmth.

one problem, i blew it. we didn’t see each other often after that semester although she was there and saw her on occasion. it was the end of that next semester when i finally called her. and we did talk a little bit then sloppily suggested that we go out sometime anytime she wanted to. that spelled the end for me getting some of that perceived warmth.

near the end i saw carrie again in the computer lab we spoke and she came up with excuses such as she had papers to do – ie the semester was almost over why are you still doing papers. i called her number one more time to talk but whoever answered the phone said she call me back. i never heard from this young woman again. and it took me a year to throw her number away as i wanted another chance and thought better of it.

it’s easy to build up an image in my mind. perhaps i wanted to be that knight in shining armor. my background was much different than carrie’s as i never grew up in public housing so i may not understand it. perhaps she may not understand my background either. either way i got let down somewhat easily and this was a lesson learned. perhaps i need a better approach and i shouldn’t allow something to build in my mind.

hopefully wherever carrie is today she is very happy with where she is today.

money

issue-header-social-securitywith this post i’m setting up for a series of past stories. as happens on this blog while i talk about my life and times as an older virgin still trying to figure out how to connect with available women – so that one day i may marry and have a family – i still discuss other subjects. what this means is yes i have to talk about the extreme past such as a teenaged jack v or a twentish jack v.

today i’ll talk about teenaged jack v who lost his father before he left high school. i’ve already told the story of my dad, he had been an alcoholic for most of the time i knew him and his health problems mounted to where he had a stroke. he suffered through high blood pressure and a vessel busted in his brain. it wasn’t long before he passed away.

not long after his death my mother signed up for social security benefits. we got survivor’s benefits in my case the benefits only lasted until at least the summer after i graduated high school. i got plenty of cash every month and by the end of that summer my new savings account had a little over $5k.

of course it could’ve been more but my mother took some of those funds probably because i hadn’t yet turned 18. the month after my birthday i got a huge $1k check and my mother had me sign up for a savings account. when i got a check from uncle same i would deposit in into my account every month.

the only mistake i made back then was that i never added to this money. i never worked before i entered my 20s so as i continued to withdraw funds the resources were depleting. interestingly i made more in interest then than i do now. i have more savings now than i had back then, but the interest earnings is nowhere near $20 as it had been at one point back then.

sometimes the money was spent for my time in community college. of course i still had to eat and then get around the city back then. then i spent it on other things. by the time i finally moved on beyond chicago and my local community college, it was time to transfer to the liberal arts college. when i moved on i was starting to run out of that money.

when i start this new series the consequences of that will be seen.