past tense: the ride back to “mission”

funny-memes-awkward-moments-awkward-moment-quotes

right now i’m in the mood to reminisce. tonight jack v discusses again the period of time after his first semester away at “mission college”. let me assure you the above image doesn’t entirely reflect how i view the situation.

the summer after i went away to school at “mission college” there was a family reunion. i briefly told one story about attending a family reunion planning meeting hosted by my aunt laura. this meeting was where she decided to see if i wanted to speak where i briskly said no and she jumped in her seat as if i struck her with lightning.

my aunt nadine had picked me up at “mission” and then brought me further out to a local restaurant for this meeting. after the meeting nadine went home and sends me back to “mission” with cousin natalie. had no choice in this instance as i didn’t drive myself needed to go back to campus and my aunt does a lot of driving so perhaps she was tired.

unfortunately with natalie & her husband nathan this ride wasn’t going to be a quiet one. natalie wants to have a conversation and i likely wasn’t that interested. probably was tired myself as it’s a long ride to where the restaurant was. as often as she could both her and her husband forced themselves to laugh at whatever weak witticism i seemed to have. i tried to be funny, but honestly i was in an uncomfortable situation and was unwilling to adjust to it.

she tried hard to get me to talk about the women i met from “hillman college”. if you remember natalie tried to get me to talk about essentially “nicole” – who i actually met during this first semester away from home – almost two years or so later. when i return after a year-and-one-half absence i attempted to make some moves and it didn’t work out for me – may tell that unfortunate story one day.

as for this particular period of time with my roommate introducing me to women at “hillman” i was a long way from establishing anything remotely resembling friendly relations with the ladies. unfortunately my cousin wants know about my romantic life it was her primary expectation. however if she was starting to decide if i was going more and more anti-social perhaps she was wondering if i wasn’t able to form a bond with women as i was unwilling to bond with her as a cousin.

here’s the thing, natalie likely knows that i was close to her younger sister. she tried to really stir something up in me with regards to her. at first mention, her husband responded.

nat: tasha is coming to town later this week.

nathan: oh yeah?

nat: jack?

yours truly: yeah?

nat: tasha is coming to town later this week.

yours truly: i heard

you know to explain i can’t remember if my aunt or mother told me she was in town or i just heard this for the first time from natalie when her husband responds. the fact that she brings this up is trying to change the dynamics of the conversation hence when her husband answers she merely calls my name and repeats what she just said.

in a few short minutes we arrive at my dorm. nathan wants to know – likely being nice – if he should drop me off in the back. i tell him he dropped me off in the right place….in haste. get out and acknowledge because they were expecting me to wave and they drive back to the burbs. meanwhile after that adventure near the end of the term back to reality and finish my semester as it turns out not so strongly.

perhaps another time, i’ll discuss the family reunion. there will certainly be more to say about this particular summer. especially before eventually talking about my senior year of high school.

younger women at “fresh foods”

mary aka crazy vibes unfortunately i learned was let go from “fresh foods” a few months ago. she had that odd crazy giggle and was pleasing to the eyes physically, but i had decided that she had some issues upstairs. while i personally was attracted to her, her mental state kept me distant.

in some respects she was very nice probably very cool. though because i made no effort to approach here – and there had been many opportunities – there was some distance. i probably never gave her a reason to really bridge the distance in my case i was unsure if i should’ve.

in that neighboring department there was a new young woman – of about 21 – who had been there since the summer. her body type resembles the young lady you see below though she left a lot more to the imagination than what you see here.
29.02.16 - 1

i will call this woman mary jr. she seems a lot more playful – and probably in a less crazy way than mary. she’s thicker, younger, and has caught my eye and certainly the eye of other young men. like mary, junior seems to have a certain distance from me.

often mary jr might send a quick comment my way about my whistling for example – she doesn’t like it apparently. otherwise not much is said by me and typically she doesn’t seem to notice me. i rarely have much to say to her and it might be because there is an age difference and it’s certainly attributable to her playful and youthful demeanor.

as of now however she’s one of the most interesting women i’ve seen at work. my dilemma is how to proceed and i’ve never been very good at that.

part of me wants to resort to the whole anonymous not slipped in her locker and she may want to know who’s interested. i feel as if that won’t go over very well.

i like to think i look younger than my almost 40 designation, however, doing the note thing is really beneath me. would the best move for me who’s never been on a bonifide date with a grown woman – well over 21 mainly – is to be bold? and considering that i’m checking out women at the work place regardless of their age this is something i want to be careful with.

young women

i have a story to share with you regarding that. in the meanwhile men’s health discussed this. it easy for me to see where dating a younger woman may not work.

and yes the opportunity has been there for me to date a much younger woman especially working with many at “the show”. many of them may not have fit well with me, some might have however my own shyness gets in the way.

regardless yeah, i seem somewhat directionless. i have little interest being a sugar daddy though my savings since changing jobs has gone up. i feel as if i have more to offer now. still for me to attract a young woman i need something to bring them to me.

one of those things will be, just being a cut above some of the young men these women encounter. one thing for me to consider, will she appreciate my extra gestures? to be sure i’m still not very good at that.

before the end of the month i will share this story involving a young colleague.

oh yeah i almost forgot, my motives for going young….wife and children. i can always date an almost 40 woman but the family i want to build may stop at one child. i really don’t want to raise an only child.

to not act

i found these series of blogs by chance. i have a number of jackie’s in my background, women whom the opportunity was there and did little. a handful are women where there were some effort, however, it often blew up in my face.

i thought you’d be interested in these experiences. the author in question there’s uncertainty if he was a virgin. however it’s likely if the stories all began while in college and by the time you get to the final part he likely has plenty of experience with women.

so go read those three year old posts by panama jackson over at VSB

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

living on my own terms

have i ever lived according to them. it’s been said that most of my life i’ve been trying to have it my way. unfortunately i’ve ran into nothing but people who have decided they know best so they try to tell me what i must do.

when my mother was going for follow-up appointments and had been at the point where she needed me to shuttle her to the hospital i tell her that her need to rush me and tell me to make this light or that light didn’t help. especially if i’m the driver and i may have other things on my mind as much as it’s very important to get her to the clinic for her appointments.

sometimes i’ve been consumed though not enough by the idea that i want to have sex before i turn 40 or better yet married by the time i turn 40. if it happened that i’m happy alas i seem to have a great difficulty getting myself into such a situation where i can make that happen.

unfortunately, i’m a long way from being anything resembling a pick-up artist. i see beautiful women all the time not just online but in person and hell yes they’re my customers. i could pick up a conversation with the one who could be the one. indeed i may also work with such a fabled person.

at the same time i never really lived my life. and i don’t have that long to do it. i never had a group of young friends who were just dating. thus never many opportunities to just hang out and socialize. as likely hinted i’m very much a loner and have arrived at that the hard way.

all the same, it’s past time. i need to do some things for me and if it means i have to live alone for a time then that is what i must do. if it enables me to get into activities where i have to be social then it’s worth it. i can go on and on, but i already predicted this could be a year of great change.

and in the past two years i’ve experience great changes leaving my long-time job at the show and having my income go up. going to a job that can provide great growth – which i would also include evaluating how i approach interviewing not just the jobs i can take on. bottom line it i’m already one quarter through 2017 so if i want to make those necessary changes now is certainly the time to get started.

i’m convinced that the woman of my dreams whoever she may be is waiting for me. i either shoot my shot or i have to be the guy she desires. hopefully unlike many other time where she comes around and makes herself know i might not be caught off guard.

in the meanwhile, it’s literally time to attempt to live live on my terms. and not find myself fitting anyone’s definition of how i should live my life.

 

Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’

amber-rose-bikini-pics

However, Dr. Chris doesn’t think that ‘virgin’ is an accurate description for the guy.

Source: Amber Rose to Her Virgin Pal: ‘Sometimes You Just Want to Get Slaughtered’

I haven’t heard this podcast, but I just have to say if i had Amber Rose as a friend my imagination would run wild. I respect that this guy wants to wait until marriage to experience sex, but if only I had some of that oral experience Ms. Rose’s friend has. I missed out big time.

holiday odds & ends

thanksgiving-day

i worked on thanksgiving. at the show it would just be a day paid at the regular rate, but at the grocery store it’s a day paid at double time. a five hour shift paid as if i worked ten hours. awesome moving on up in the world! afterwards i caught a movie which is not far from where i work unfortunately it wasn’t a holiday themed movie an action thriller and it was good.

sat around the house the next day just decided to not go anywhere. it was ok and it never occurred to me how dark it gets earlier and earlier. needless to say winter is coming and here in chicago we’ve been spoiled with the nice weather for most of october and november.

saturday guess who i saw – hugs. i never thought i’d write about her again she came by her former store to see her old coworkers with her boyfriend. ahhhhhh, she’s such a sweet young woman if i shot my shot i’d find a way to screw it up. she came to the store around xmas last year and never had the chance to speak this time i did and let her know i missed her. more accurately i missed working with her. she still works with the company at a location in boston.

btw, i applied in november to return to the movies as a worker. supplemental income of course and even though i rarely use it free movie tickets also. perhaps the goal could always be being a manager at a theater the main goal i have right now is to move up in the grocery business. in the meanwhile i can treat the theater gig as just a fun distraction more than anything. even better hopefully a better environment.

this time i applied to the facility near my store. next i may apply to the one that i helped to open last year. i somewhat miss that place but my attendance was shitty there. if i do it, i need to insure that i’ll be able to come to work and this means i have to make some arrangements with my main benefited employers also.

oh yeah i saw one of the managers at the new show on the train. wasn’t in a position to get their attention, but i wonder what would have happened if i did. perhaps i’d indicate my interest in returning in some capacity. that’s a bridge i never crossed unfortunately.