You make the call revisited

I wanted to touch upon this for a while since 10 years ago was when not only yours truly first ran into Anthony the Fiend. I also ran into this young woman named Candace. You may have seen a post about this, but it has occurred to me that both of their approaches were similar.

Both came out of nowhere. Candace was more flirty in her “first” approach stating repeatedly that “You know you heard me talking to you“. She was being playful at work after I never really acknowledged her greeting on one summer afternoon in an air conditioned cinema. To be honest it was just an irritating thing to be faced with as this came out of nowhere.

Oh yeah I forgot to note the initial episode I wrote during the first year of this blog “You make the call”. It underscores her relentlessness during that summer although as it turned out back then she gave up. She lasted only that particular summer in 2011. She gained some privileges along the way and for my unwillingness to just give her the attention she desired evidently she found ways to make me pay for it later down the line.

The more I ignored her advances the more she may have turned on me. I was just very unwilling to communicate my annoyance with her behavior. Her behavior wasn’t conducive to her desired effect whatever that was and it clearly wasn’t to see me just walk away with no response. To be fair, perhaps I was rude and cold to her and wrong for me to expect her to read my mind. Who knows if she’d respect the the knowledge that her approach just wasn’t working.

I surmise that many of the younger generation of women are a bit more bold and assertive in their desires. Many of them don’t understand that you can’t just treat men the way the women in their lives – presumably momma – treated men. You can’t go out of your way to bicker with them and/or perhaps you can’t just go around chasing them down as I felt Candice had in my case.

Oh yeah I forgot about the comparison of approaches. While Candice wanted to start off as playful and flirty to a guy who basically just met her and vaguely knows anything about her. The Fiend was certainly aggressive and assertive in his approach, even outspoken once he learned of where I went to college and my plans beyond the theater. Just remember the episode where I’m taking him home he clearly overstepped some boundaries to the point where I really should’ve left him on the expressway.

Of course since I never exactly learned Candace’s motives, I eventually determined the Fiend’s. To start he was clearly looking for someone he can mooch off of and as Candice had been that summer, he was certainly relentless looking for any means to connect with yours truly. If he found out I liked porn, he’d approach me on it shockingly letting me know who his favorite x-rated performers were. He wanted to connect as she had tried and in the long run the Fiend had far more success until he left The Show two years later.

What I can say about Candice is that on the surface she was a very beautiful woman who at the time was 19-20 years of age. She had a nice shape, nice long hair that she often pulled back into a ponytail, and personality wise she was very friendly or even approachable. She expressed her anger towards me on occasion as one afternoon at work she tried to speak and I ignored her. She snapped back at me in front of customers just trying to get a response which she got a very tense response and she tried to repeat her greeting. I respond with a quiet “Oh” and that was the extent of our interaction on that day.

I find myself wondering how much different my story would’ve been if I had been more friendly and approachable to Candice. Would Anthony have still interfered – and chances are he would if he could get away with it. Perhaps I would’ve never offered a ride to the Fiend, perhaps Candice would be getting rides instead. Perhaps Candace was also less than honest about her intentions like the Fiend.

Because of who Candace was associated with sometimes I wonder about that. Allegedly a manager called out for her when she no call no show. She seemed to be in with a certain crowd that included my one-off foe. Regardless as it turned out her time at The Show proved to be very brief and she got her privileges while there.

I did note that I saw her the next year – 2012. I don’t believe this to be apocryphal. She was on the train headed further north. I saw some key things from her like a tote bag she always liked to carry, she had long fingernails, I was pretty sure it was her. When we make eye contact she would often just break the gaze. Perhaps she just simply had enough of me and besides I had my chance and wouldn’t take it. So far that was the last time I had seen her.

I hope you read the original You make the call post

wedding season – revisited

I just had to rewrite this post from just about three years ago. My brother got married at this point 20 years ago. It’s amazing how time flies.

A few things I do remember from that period of time. I may have mentioned this in another post, however, during this time my cousin Natalie and the rest of the family were at one of my aunt’s house after my brother’s wedding and they got to talking about her husband Nate’s aspirations.

At the time I didn’t know what kind of job Nate had however I do know he was working for a major company. Somehow I do recall that Nate at some point noted he wanted to do something entrepreneurial – I think a record store came up. Nat had a problem with this and stated how she’d be less of a woman if she accepted that.

I suppose Natalie liked being a wife to a corporate hot shot. And the aunt who hosted us told Nat “Don’t say that” trying to discourage such talk. It’s amazing how I had such a long memory about that and have never forgot that statement many years later. Who knows what Nate’s current aspirations are now.

They didn’t have children at the time and weeks after my brother’s wedding it became known in the family that Nat & Nate were expecting their first born child. They now have two children and it’s amazing to note that both have grown up and their first born daughter is in college. Time flies for sure.

As for my brother, he decided to make a change in his life at that point. For which I’m happy for him, though I noted in that long ago post that back then we were at odds. My mother had noted over the years that in temperament I’ve turned more and more into my dad – minus the alcohol. My brother I feel may well have inherited my dads’ unfortunate disappointment with life. If my dad wanted to move forward he gets sidetracked and it held him up from achieving his goals.

My brother has a lot more going for him in 20 years since he graduated from college and got married. He’s in a great position currently, however, he still isn’t very happy with his life. That’s very sad as I should be the one who’s very unsatisfied with my life. However, I’d like to get into his position as far as income anyway.

As far as our relationship, as you may have already guessed it’s not great and the blame could go on both sides. However, I know that my brother and I were connected on facebook at one point and he deleted me at some point. Used my other facebook to get him back and he rejected that request. So he’s still being funny, but as I got older I recognize that it’s time to do better as far as that relationship.

I’ve got some reason to these days! Don’t forget to revisit the post that I rewrote so that I can go backwards in time this evening.

Project Excel

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The events of this moment of my life happened halfway during my senior year of high school. I don’t know how much of this to tell and that may come later, however, this post has remained a draft and in light of my current situation its come back to mind.

My mother and I had talked about this event over the years. She always says that she was trying to help and when she brings it up at random – as in to turn this into a disappointment – I’m always defensive about it. However, on my end the position had often been I’m defensive because of how it all ended. Not because I never did this Project Excel – pre-college – program, but because I didn’t keep this from becoming a thing.

The reason why this situation became an episode that I was very unwilling to give a teacher at school who I’ll identify as Ms. T – T was for Tenacious – an answer as far as my decision on this program. I don’t know if it’s indecision on my part although to be honest I just thought she’d move onto the next person. However for roughly the next month as this took place during January and February, she would come around at random and just check on me and often I was annoyed with this.

One memorable follow-up during this period was she came to my class probably pre-calculus to follow-up on me, she straight up said she tried to call my house but no answer. Well I knew what likely happened I was probably on the internet using a dial-up service that’s why she couldn’t get through as my mother would often express frustration at not being able to call home while I’m online. So anyway in the absence of a direct answer she continued to come around.

Things eventually came to a head, and I was forced to let my mother know about it. And that was something I dreaded, because in my youthful mind it was inconceivable that Ms. T would continue to chase me down. In this case, she never asked me if I was interested and I never told her. She just had me call my mother at work one day at school and my mother got excited and gave her blessing. Even at 18 I still needed parental permission to do this program, however, other than not wanting to be bothered and thinking it would go away I’m in something that I never really consented to.

Ms. T never bothered to ask me in a school office that day, she just insisted right there that I call my mother. It just never occurred to me that this would go that far and it just did. So I dreaded the moment my mother would ask for the forms she needed to sign, I hoped she too would forget about it. I don’t want to tell that story yet though.

I’ll just say that in the ensuing years she did express that she had been frustrated that I showed no progress in my direction in life. And she left me defensive when she brought it up, just something to bring up and that’s it. I never understood that strategy from anyone at all. It’s like keep that burden in his head no matter what. You made a mistake you’ll never live that down!

In later years and not making a direct reference to this I actually told my mother that if she was concerned about what was next in my future I had news for her I had no clue. I took the ACT and made an average score. Taking the ACT takes cash, I didn’t have much aside from my late father’s social security survivor benefits. Applying to school takes cash and so does tuition books etc it was a bit overwhelming and during my senior year I proved to be in very little rush on that.

I could even note that my mother was with me on two visits with military recruiters back then and she showed very little interest. Granted once I turned 18 it was all on me anyway, but what exactly did I need, why the hesitation? I had no idea but my answer to that was we never really discussed this. I also knew what her expectation was – and of course she immediately used the term steered and that was never my point – it was to go to college and do very well. I was never sold on it until I enrolled at a downtown community college just before the end of the registration deadline.

When I was still 17, I visited with a armed services recruiter and they definitely were working on me. They even provided me a form that my mother could sign so that it would be guaranteed that yours truly would enlist upon high school graduation. My mother didn’t want to sign, not so much it was a bad idea but I do think she didn’t want me to sign up for the military just yet. She expected me to go to college, it was what she wanted but what was necessary to be successful I was woefully deficient in that endeavor.

I think a real discussion could’ve made some difference back then and I also know that yours truly wouldn’t have made it very easy. It would’ve been hard to really pin me down on some things, I know this because later on she did try to pin me down on some things – let’s say about finding a job over the years. But in this case as far as what’s after high school it was really necessary.

Instead during the second-half of my senior year of high school her solution was force me into a program just because I had nothing else in the pipeline. I think I told her the basic story, a lady at school was chasing me down, never gave her an answer either way, next thing I know you get a phone call from this woman and I’m in it anyway. And it forces me to figure out how to get out of this situation and the ending was less than ideal at least from what I had envisioned, however, that’s another story for another time.

I also hit upon one thing as I write this. The year before my dad had passed away roughly this same time except during my junior year of high school. I think now during this period with my mother’s actions it only served to expose her fatalistic tendencies. She began talking in terms of she doesn’t know how much longer she’s going to live or I may not be around much longer. She wanted to see me do something right now!

It comes up every now and then and it’s only now that I concluded that his sudden demise – even if I think he did it to himself due to his substance abuse – really affected her. It’s caused decision making processes such as this over the years. A lot of what happened in this episode was unnecessary in reality, in my estimation it could’ve gone differently and it didn’t. It went the way it was supposed to.

The problem is, I handled this the way a child would. I absolutely resisted as I really had a problem with this. I didn’t know this was dangerous, however, if things had gone the way it would’ve in my head back then perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. It was just too bad that in this moment, my mother wanted to be all over it.

TO BE CONTINUED….

I miss the 1990s

I really do, the music was awesome. The movies I enjoyed back then. The TV programs also. I wish I had the social media tools back then facebook, twitter, instagram, and youtube didn’t exist back then. As a matter of fact the internet was this exotic techology I had a vague concept of.

I have to admit it’s funny to watch this Jerry Springer clip from 1995 and the internet was mentioned on TV even then.

What prompted this post. Somehow Skee Lo a one-hit wonder from the 1990s was a reference on an episode of Family Guy. Of course his catchy lyrics was used in a side gag on the show recited rather dryly with a wizard granting his wishes. lol

All the same life seemed so much simpler back then believe it or not. Part of it is that yours truly was a kid with very little responsibilities still going through school. Not yet even with a high school diploma. Not a lot of worries not even socially….

Still I look on those days as fun times with their own ups & downs.

Dreams

I wrote about the idea of my dream earlier this year. As my birthday passed recently I’ve thought about it more and more. Even better I see that Tommy has finally realized his dream fairly recently, he wants to work on a farm and tend to some of his favorite animals.

Earlier this year I wrote that I’m just not sure what my dream is anymore. As always with life sometimes a dream can always evolve into something else. I dream of having my own family, my own home, paying off my out of control student loans, make six figures, go back to school to get a masters, running my own business, etc. I can have all those dreams and will have no idea where to start.

I thought about my childhood and the life I imagined back then. For example, I’ve hinted at this during my teenaged years the military had my interest. Having had some family in the military perhaps my goal was to move up the highest ranks of the military. Better yet, I wanted to emulate my heroes from one of my favorite science fiction TV series of all time although yes we’re not fighting any alien species at all so far.

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Picard, the inspiration?

I find myself wondering lately how I got sidetracked from that. Well it didn’t help that during my high school years my dad had passed away suddenly. It’s been documented on this blog that he just couldn’t stop drinking. The addiction to alcohol caused my dad to neglect his health and as a result he passed away from a severe stroke.

At one point I just thought I’d be in the military. I get away from my dad’s anger (sometimes over things he could change but just wouldn’t and blamed others) and his alcohol. At one point in time the military just would’ve been my way to get away as it was unthinkable that I’d still be at home on guard for any temper tantrums while sober or worse while he was intoxicated. Then suddenly he died as his body couldn’t take his own abuse anymore.

I’m still trying to figure out how I got sidetracked, due to my fluke honor’s grades in high school my mother expected I’d do well in college. It was not only her expectation, but those on her side of the family. I find myself wondering if I made the wrong moves back then. Even talked to my mom later about this, we just didn’t really discuss plans. She just had her expectations and had been frustrated when I just wasn’t moving fast enough. In reality I had no clue, what was the point of this college thing? I just didn’t understand…

I wonder where I would be if I just started building after high school as I’ve really started building in my 30s. To truly grow was slow going to be sure and although I’m a year older the building hasn’t finished and I won’t stop growing. I just realize at my own free will and with the information and knowledge I had at 18-19-20 I made the move that felt right at the time. I just wish I had been more money hungry back then as opposed to getting older and getting serious.

If yours truly had joined the service back then it just would’ve been a regular job and I’d be working as long as I don’t break any rules or regulations. The benefits would’ve been great and I’d take advantage of G.I. benefits to go to school if I so chose. It could’ve waited, if I wanted to go to Mission College it would’ve been there for me when it was that time.

These days I know one vague dream I have today, what if I ran something. It’s a recurring theme to talk about going into mgmt or take on a more serious role. Perhaps even start my own business. Definitely considering the degree I attained 10 years ago to make an impact on the world. Right now I’m not sure where to begin, but as long as I’m in good health that’s going to be an ongoing objective.

Ms. Hyper

Rerun time.

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This strange situation occurred during my last two or three months at The Show. I called this lady Ms. Hyper who was very young and just had the great ability to run her mouth. Once I had my fill I just shut down and stayed away.

She knew what she had been doing and even attempted to apologize. Unfortunately with yours truly you get once chance and that’s all. No take backs no second chances. Although to be fair, I’ve allowed those to get second chances who really didn’t deserve one.

And I will add on my very last shift at The Show she was there to catch a flick. I write about that here.

Enjoy!

Feeling No Love

When I left The Show in late 2014 there was one last odd conflict that I had gotten embroiled in. It was a weird one and involved a real hyperactive young woman who I’ll only refer to as Ms. Hyper. She was about 20 yrs old and a lot of her hyper behavior I could attribute to her being young, but it also could be another factor I’ll spell out later in this post.

She arrived on the scene in either August or September and she was not a bad looking girl. If I was so inclined I could’ve made my play however her behavior would begin to give me pause. Let’s say one night she came to the concession stand where I was working and  told her some glass should go to a bar. Animatedly she hit me with “I’m not going to the bar I got a theater…

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Creepy shy virgin

Dr. Nerdlove has written a number of articles about virginity over the years. Since starting this blog I have often searched out content with regards to male virginity narrowly in addition to other topics involving virginity. This article is one of those articles which often would be in my search results especially.

This article: “Ask Dr. NerdLove: I’m A Shy Virgin. Does This Make Me Creepy?” I can relate to for just about five years I worked with young women with various personalities at The Show. Unfortunately I do think I have been targeted by them. A lot of them it could be surmised expected to have men by the finger tips, however, the men they couldn’t figure out really there was friction. And yes I would say I wasn’t quite a man they could figure out and often there was friction.

What I could gather from this article is from not only Dr. Nerdlove’s response, but from the little information offered by the letter writer Justtheguyinthecorner I feel as if I was in the same situation. For me the only reason the virgin thing came up was not because of what others had suspected because my mistake was putting it out there. Once it was out there and fodder for gossip then here comes the shaming.

It was one of many things people thought was wrong with me. However with this said, I do think people were looking for dirt they didn’t come looking for anything positive, especially the young women I worked with. If it wasn’t so and so never had sex ultimately it would’ve been something else in the long run. If people were looking for reasons to complain or just plain start something they would.

So Justtheguy seemed to believe the women of his job was out to get him. No examples were provided by him, but what I could agree with in Nerdlove’s response is perhaps Justtheguy could’ve done a better job relating to the women coworkers he tried to treat professionally and yet tries to avoid them at work. He does seem to use his inexperience as a crutch however how would his coworkers know?

All the same I would share the episode of “Petty” one extreme example of how I feel the young women would treat a guy who could basically be considered a loaner. More accurately yours truly definitely didn’t do well with the young women at the theater and admittedly a lot of this was a self-inflicted wound. My inexperience with women was part of the problem, however, I owe some of this friction with the youth and immaturity of those who were just starting off in the world as the theater was their first jobs.

I could dare say outside of the young men they associated with often at school – presuming they were in high school – how much experience to they have with men. Young men for their own immature reasons tolerated some of the difficult personalities that some of the young women I worked with exhibited. I would dare say some young men didn’t know that they didn’t have to deal with women who had “problematic” personalities. They did so to say they have a girlfriend or just to get satisfied.

The young women on the other hand I would suspect didn’t know how to be themselves. Perhaps they didn’t know every man wasn’t trying to flirt with them. Perhaps they didn’t know that they don’t always have to use their mouths just because they have one. Perhaps some of them being used to being “large and in charge” didn’t recognize every man isn’t looking for that. So many variables in this equation that I could consider and is probably why I never really tried to connect.

So as far as this friction, I wasn’t always approachable to even those young women I might have thought attractive so it’s safe to say I contributed. I do think a lot of this went back and forth, but I find myself wondering years later if there was a point to turn the situation around. Though in the case of Justtheguy who knows if he was successfully able to turn that situation around.

If I believe Nerdlove, perhaps for Justtheguy the issues he claimed to be experiencing is all in his head. With the little information I see, perhaps that’s true. It’s not always a good thing to treat your colleagues coldly. And on the other hand whether or not it gets out there isn’t as much of a problem unless you allow it to be. Who needs to know, why do they need to know, and of course why do they have a problem with it? If they do and it’s just dirt for them, who needs them?

Ms. Hyper

When I left The Show in late 2014 there was one last odd conflict that I had gotten embroiled in. It was a weird one and involved a real hyperactive young woman who I’ll only refer to as Ms. Hyper. She was about 20 yrs old and a lot of her hyper behavior I could attribute to her being young, but it also could be another factor I’ll spell out later in this post.

She arrived on the scene in either August or September and she was not a bad looking girl. If I was so inclined I could’ve made my play however her behavior would begin to give me pause. Let’s say one night she came to the concession stand where I was working and  told her some glass should go to a bar. Animatedly she hit me with “I’m not going to the bar I got a theater to clean”. My only response was it doesn’t belong here either and she leaves the glass there and walks away. At that moment I took care of a customer when she came up (hmmm I seem to get interrupted with customers often).

The real Ms. Hyper moment came when mgmt had me help close concession although I was going to be off in no more than half an hour. I was behind the stand and a coworker wanted to get a soft drink and I used a pop tower that had been cleaned to serve him. Ms. Hyper comes up a bit upset because I used that clean pop tower and my response was “Clean it again” through gritted teeth. If you want to know my psychology, I just plain didn’t want to hear it.

At that point she really got upset. She was rambling some unintelligible things and saying “I can’t wait till you close” to which that coworker I served said “Jack don’t close!” (hahaha joke’s on her). As I smirked she was upset, and I think Keith was nearby for those festivities also. When it was time for me to go that evening, I got my own beverage from the stand and she seems to still be mumbling nonsense and I heard from her “four-eyed little….” at which point I flipped her the bird with my face forward to the locker room and kept walking. I heard an audible gasp which I thought was Keith but it might’ve been Ms. Hyper for sure.

I came back to the stand for a refill before leaving for the night and Keith warms me that I shouldn’t say anything else to her. My reply “No, she shouldn’t say anything else to me”. I was nearby her at the time but she was strangely silent and after this I go home.

A few days later she sees me at work and attempts to make an apology and tries to explain her behavior which I acknowledge. To give some context I had already gone through some other weird conflicts with the young women at the job so at this point I was a bit spent. I hit the jackpot with these drama oriented girls it’s always some small sleight that they tried to turn in a major production and I often got sucked into it. Basically I avoided saying anything else to her, so I’m a long way from saying that I accepted her apology.

So there were moments where she’d try to speak to me and I’d ignore her. One time I was just getting off work and on my way to the locker room and she’s saying “See you” about 10 times and very boisterously, I ignore her. Her response to that, “What’s his problem?”

Another time she said “Hey” to me and I keep walking. In her boisterousness she states matter of factly to me though I don’t acknowledge “Now, I know you heard me”

This one time I was somewhat concerned about a riot as other associates begin to collect near the customer service desk. She tried to confront me  theresaying, “I spoke to you earlier and you didn’t speak”. I just looked at her in silence and she was like “Hey” me being sarcastic I just said, “What’s hey? What’s that?” She got exasperated kind of how Candice used to be (and you’ll be hearing about her in another post, likely for the last time on this blog). This was when Cliff chimed in with his own honest opinion of yours truly.

“He’s mean to everybody. That’s why everyone’s mean to him.” He says. Which takes me aback for a moment so at that moment he sort of sticks a knife in my back. Probably going with an observation he made for years and came to his own conclusions. Something I wished he pulled me aside about, then again who knows I’d have justified it. In fact I still do, I suppose if you treat someone mean in the first place how does that person expects anyone to be nice to them. To be honest if I was mean to anyone often it was me being mean to them in response and it didn’t exactly go well. What I will say to be honest is that there were situations where I wasn’t approachable.

So once Ms. Hyper (she asks “So you’re mean to everybody”) and Cliff start running their mouths about me and my behavior at that point in time I had no interest in arguing. I just walked back to my register in box office where I should’ve stayed and that ended it. Cliff stated as I do so, “That’s not right, Jack”.

I was walking the floor on another evening and Ms. Hyper walks around with another coworker and she seems me and says boisterously “Hey”. I see her, but then to avoid acknowleging I chose to fix my gaze onto something else in the environment. She then states to that coworker, “that’s the last time I’m speaking to him”.

For a period of time that was it. I never said much of anything to her and nor she to me. Of course because she’s a tad all over the place she would start saying things to me. And true to form I won’t acknowledge, I tell Keith as matter of factly later in the break room that “I didn’t really say thing to her because I didn’t want her talking to me”. What I thought about was that early conflict and I was basically over it.

Now the other factor I was talking about. The last night I worked at the theater, she was there with one of her buddies to watch a movie. She starts speaking to everyone including me, she spoke to me and I just shrugged just to give her a response. She replied, “Next time I’m going to act like you”. This was my last shift at the theater and she may or may not have known that.

What’s interesting is the analysis of her behavior by both Cliff and a security guard who’s an off-duty cop. Cliff said something about Ms. Hyper along the lines of “She’ll run into a man and she’ll start running off at the mouth, then that man will say SHUT UP! And send her to the hospital.” He also noted the times she tried to talk to me and I continue to blow her off and just remember he made sure Ms. Hyper knew I was mean to people.

The security guard chimed in with his police experience. He thinks when she comes to the theater based on her behavior she’s high. Ahhhh, that explains this immortal comment from her on that night “I gotta dead body in my back pack! Just Kidding!” When she said that I looked at the security guard, that’s not something you say to an off-duty police officer. That’s even if it’s not possible to have a dead body in a back park or a book bag as I could describe it. Either way based upon her hyperactive behavior she might have been on something.

Then again for all the weird conflicts that I seemed to have gotten sucked into, perhaps it was a general personality without a controlled substance. And then some of that behavior was from a controlled substance of some type. I know weed was popular with a lot of the younger people I worked with, however, who’s to say that someone up there didn’t do anything harder than that. Then again since I left and ultimately many of them came and went during my time there, there are a lot of variables that at this point isn’t worth going over anymore.

I’ve looked up Ms. Hyper on facebook during the year after I left The Show. I saw that she had a baby who died. She also connected with Keith on facebook though I’ve seen later that she was no longer friends with him, who knows what that was about. Keith who became a supervisor after I left told me that he thought Ms. Hyper quit the theater, so she was no longer there. Although since he wasn’t sure how or why she left it was kept hush-hush evidently.

In October ’14 I left the theater. I never had any further dealings with Ms. Hyper. Who knows how life is for her as of now. My hope is that she learned to settle down a tad and I’m sorry that she experienced the loss of her child.

Interest

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Today’s post, I thought about this time back during my senior year of high school. I had a young woman in class named Mo who saw that I was reading and expressed interest in a book I was reading.

Mo: Hey! Jack! What book are you reading?

Yours truly: *gets distracted*

– Seconds later –

Mo: Jack! What book are you reading?

YT: *gets distracted*

Oh yes, how did I get distracted. Well easy answer aside from the commotion of high school students is that I had already decided once she got her answer the eyes were going to glaze over and she wouldn’t know or have any interest in the book I was reading. Yeah I saw this coming Mo was our class valedictorian, but from my perspective at our high school it means almost beans. With her as the no. 1 student in my senior class I didn’t view her as particularly smart. If there was anything about her she probably knew what to do to get the grades she came to class did the work and probably was more incurious about the world than I was.

I believe she planned to become an attorney, and unfortunately since we are connected on fb – with no real interactions between us honestly – she fell far short. Not to talk about her negatively, but she did what you might expect someone to do years after they graduate from high school. She got into relationships and if not got married she had children. She probably went to college and dropped out. I found some listings of her at “Hillman College” some time before I arrived on the scene nearby at “Mission College”. So I missed her by no less than two years and again she dropped out although she did attend my community college which, she probably didn’t finish there either.

I suppose if I got into her business – needlessly might I add – her situation may not be that much different from my own at a young age. Had the ambition but no idea how to get there. And perhaps for her more so than me, lacked the drive or even the will to get where she wants to go. I have no idea if she ever finished college, but I would expect that at 18 it was her goal and it seems she never quite got there. Then again I have no idea so anyway let’s round that long ago inquiry up…

Mo: Jack! What book are you reading?

YT: Primary Colors

Mo: *eyes glazes over* ok

I’m sure in her mind if she thinks of primary colors – hopefully she paid attention during art class – it’s probably blue, red, or yellow. What she may have failed to find out that the book I had been reading was based on the 1992 Democratic primaries. It’s ripe with political intrigue and infidelities like the real life personalities the book was based on. Too bad she chose not to follow-up since it seemed she was just determined to get an answer to an inquiry she really had no real interest in. Almost reminds me of some of the young women I met at “The Show”, say like a Candice the behavior could indicate a need for attention and once they get it they’re good. And if they didn’t well there’s a problem.

Chances are – as I could honestly go on and on about a subject that interests me – if I explained the premise of the book she still wouldn’t be that interested. I suppose for a lot of the people I went to school with years ago, what interests me may not interest them. Perhaps if I had interest in science fiction like Star Wars it would be a small amount who went to high school with me that would have the interest. Science fiction is for nerds when we need to get with the cool pop culture of the late 1990s from gangster rap to gangster movies to well you name it. Whatever the so-called cool crowd was into.

And to break it down further how many young women I would’ve met back in high school shared some of my interests. It would be hard to find one into Star Wars – or resort to calling me a geek because she had no interest in it. It would be hard still that I could find one who was into pro-wrestling or even computers – not that I would expect any woman who’d have the interest in computers I did at the time. Most young women probably knew that the young men were into sports and many if they wanted a boyfriend had to resign themselves to that reality. I just suspect that many of them would be generally dismissive if a man had some outside interests or hobbies other than them.

I’m probably speaking to the choir on this, but in analyzing some of the women I had worked with over the years – especially the rambunctious young teenaged and twenty-something women at “The Show – I realize they have no idea about relationships with men. Most of this is owed to age – and conversely men have not a lot of ideas about relationships with women other than the sexual. And again if you want more than just sex then you want a relationship and you have to learn to keep someone around to make it work.

Of course if you choose to bicker with or dismiss the interests of your partner for no good reason then what do you expect when they decide to leave. It’s something even with my lack of experience in relationship that I struggle with. I want a woman who’d have some interest in what I’m into and hopefully I can reciprocate that. What I would find absolutely ugly is a woman who seems to have contempt for what I’m interested in. My philosophy if you want to be with someone it definitely helps if you’re willing to share their interests.

Baselines

I have never seemed to have paid much attention to baselines. It’s unfortunate that people are measured by these standards.

For example you have to lose your virginity before you turn 21. You should get out here and date before you turn 40. You should graduate from college in four years. If you’re in your 30s and you don’t have children (for men & women) then the clock is ticking.

It’s on jobs also the older you get finding a good job gets more difficult. I had an aunt who worked intermittently in her youth, she had little issue quitting a job in a huff on the other hand I’ve never known her to hold a job. She got older and started looking and the opportunities for her got harder and harder to find. She often dotes on the accomplishments of her family more so than her own.

Anthony (the hustler) was one of those people who hit me with his own arbitrary baselines. He allows my personal life or any implications of it (for example no p*$$y and I’ve never directly discussed this with him) becomes the basis of his baseline. Or for one of the supervisors we know as “The Show” he sees her aging because she hates the job and thus as she ages and is getting less attractive to him “it’s over for her”. It’s like if his allegedly ravenous sexual appetite gets the better of him he wouldn’t choose her as a grandmother he’d share pics of as a conquest.

Anyway who cares about baselines? Who decides these baselines? They seem arbitrary and in fact probably created by many on the fly. It’s as if you’re expected to do x,y, & z by such and such point in your lives. For some of that I missed it, and yet doesn’t mean I won’t quite get there.

I can look at it this way until arriving at “The Hole” I never had a full-time job. In reality I never found regular employment until I turned 29 (at college bookstore which was temporary and later ‘The Show”) before that any work experience was temporary. I also didn’t finish college until I turned 29 as I said a while back it took me a while to finish at “Mission College”. While I accomplished some minor baselines of my own in my own time, I’m still not finished.

I just can’t let anyone else determine where I should be at this point. I’ll get to where I need to be in due time. The main thing I need not be is unhappy when I don’t meet anyone else’s baselines. Especially if their baselines benefit not me but only their own sensibilities.