rememberance

my dad’s birthday has just recently passed. it’s been 20 years since his untimely and unexpected passing. his addiction to alcohol for the many years i knew him took its toll on him.

as often stated on this blog, no one is sure what triggered his addiction. my suspicion is the fact that his parents split when he was young. this was something he never entirely got over even into his adulthood.

one thing to bear in mind with this is that my mother realized she wanted a car, thankfully she could afford one. my dad didn’t want her to have a car and had an attitude about it. perhaps he just didn’t believe my mother should be independent of him.

it occurs to me that perhaps he feared that my mother would get away from him if she had a car. that was unlikely but if you were insecure in the first place, your mind runs wild. if someone was going to leave you keeping them from having a car is the least of your worries. if a person is determined to leave they’ll find a way regardless.

as for me my dad had the idea that my brother wanted to bequeath one of his cars to me. for most of the time my brother lived with us his choice car was a honda. i remember his late 80s to early 90s honda civic colored burgundy. i may not have cared for his choice of a honda, but looking back it was an attractive car and if it was to be i’d have one. someone my dad didn’t like it and queried me on it.

all i could tell him wsa that i knew nothing about it and that was an answer he didn’t like. “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!” he says, but the truth was i knew nothing about it and my dad didn’t believe it. my brother never said anything to me about it. perhaps my dad didn’t want me to be independent of him either!

i recognize that my dad had some severe issues which he proved unwilling to truly overcome. it’s a shame, because dealing with his addiction and ultimately the underlining causes could’ve saved his life.

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