unexpected

last week we had an unexpected visitor, my aunt who is a former military officer visited our house. no call no indication just showed up at our doorstep to surprise my ailing mother. she had a new husband in tow with her.

i was less than thrilled. all i know was when i heard some other voices upstairs it was at WTF. when my mother had a moment she let me know who was in and told me that she doesn’t like these unannounced visits. another aunt has that unfortunate tendency, she just likes to show up whether one likes it or not. although at least to be fair she was also up in chicago this weekend and at least we knew she was in town and to expect her to come over.

as it turns out her new husband is a brother to my aunt laura’s husband. and he’s also talkative with me expressing little interest in interacting he did try to reach out to me.

laura’s husband is a talkative man with a southern drawl. i can say the same for – let’s give her a name – claudine’s new beau. he doesn’t have a southern drawl although he does have a girth like laura’s husband. for some reason laura’s husband has rubbed me the wrong way in a similar way that laura has and it could be said i rub laura the wrong way with some of my behavior.

anyway it was an interesting couple of days. claudine has little problem approaching me and trying to converse with me even if my answers have been very curt towards her. even better most of the time she was there i kept to my zones away from the socializing. she didn’t appear to object although in the past she might make some things clear. for example once i was in my room and she made special emphasis that everyone else was in the living room. in other words i need to be in the living room….

of course her military behavior had rubbed my mother the wrong way – they are close. the newly wed couple had it in their mind to bring my mother to georgia with them when they left saturday morning, my mother wouldn’t agree to it. my mother moved too slow for them so claudine kept dropping hints to get ready and it doesn;t help that my mother still has lingering issues involving that compound fracture.

but those interesting last two days were over rather quickly on saturday morning. they hit the road while i was off to work that morning.

btw, as another aside this is what my aunt tends to do. she assess the situation she’s what i’m doing for example watching tv, “what are you watching?”. i was about to say some cop show, she quickly says “CHiPs”. yup that’s what it is. she’s always been that way i quick a quick half-answer and then she quickly fills in the blanks.

perhaps an example that she’s into making small talk. depending upon the person i don’t share that interest.

updates

on a sunday i had just gotten home from work my aunt paid us a visit shortly before i got off work. just before i got settled my mother wanted me to go put some trash out so i went ahead and did it because she said it was leaking. before i got out of the house i made sure to put the trash in another garbage bag and took it out.

then after i get back in and expected to settle in for the night, my mother bellows from the kitchen with her sister that she wanted me to go back out and get her some more water from the car. talk about terrible timing as she knew i just got back in and she expected me to go back out to the garage.

i don’t know how she became funny about water. i bought two gallon jugs of water, then almost a whole case of bottled water from the car on another day, and then she wanted me to buy more Dasani waters. so on that occassion she wanted me to get the dasani that was still in the car in the garage. that irritated me and let her know i just came from outside, i’m sure she knew i didn’t like that unfortunately her process isn’t on the same time as my own. i hated making two trip like that and unnecessarily. i’ve begun to learn that she’s awful with timing…

speaking of bad timing my mother is on leave from her current job and unfortunately in something of a hostil takeover her company was taken over by another. the processes of this company is different that the one they took over and as a result this company immediately cancelled the insurance plans of their new employees. my mother is scrambling to find out how she’s going to pay for the doctor we’ve been having a nurse come over at first to administer iv fluid now it’s to clean out the portal which is now coming out soon. still just more drama at this point and my mother is still not at the point where she will be able to return to work.

my mother since she returned from the hospital has largely been bereft of energy. the treatment she had to go through in december to further treat her compound fracture had taken its toll. her immune system got depressed with this treatment. taking out bone marrow and replacing some blood plasma without a doubt is a traumatic treatment. plus she really hasn’t been able to eat a lot of food just doesn’t have a healthy appetitte right now although she’s always been something of a nibbler it’s just worse now than ever.

the friend request

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funny thing happened recently one of my aunts on my mother’s side friend requested me. this aunt we’ll call laura i have something of an odd relationship with.

to start aside from our familial relationship we’re not particularly close. i’m a person who lives in an urban area laura prefers to live in the almost exurbs. while so far i’ve yet to rent out a piece of real estate she has especially a few mcmansions. she seems to have a history of living above her means.

all the same over the years she has tried somewhat  hard to reach out to me. when i went away to the liberal arts school she e-mailed me. express interest in me visiting her house to watch some football of which thanks to many seasons of disappointing bears football caused me to never follow-up on that. it also doesn’t help that from where i were it takes time to get anywhere she may reside.

so this event makes it easy to tell this story. i find it somewhat amusing, however, i can see where it doesn’t come off very well for me. i may expand further on this later but just illustrates how i can be and the reasoning.

to start when i first went away to school i was at a family reunion meeting held a good distance away from the college. one of my other aunts had picked me up to take me up there and it was nothing more than a free meal to me. so i went up and saw and heard some of the planning behind the family reunion. of all people my grandmother who isn’t usually keen on family reunions was there getting involved.

near the end before it was about time for me to go back to campus laura called on me a simple “hey jack” and then asked if there was anything i’d like to say. now it’s hard for me to say i was obnoxious or just evasive to speaking to a crowd, but my response was a quick no after thinking about it for a moment. she jolted back as if i had struck her with lightning.

every now and then i like to tell that story. it’s just a story to me, but when you think about it what was a i trying to prove. likely it’s not a whole lot just something funny to me that happened after realizing someone’s response to my behavior. a behavior which to them they just didn’t expect. laura likely genuinely thought i would have some remarks especially for the free meal i just got.

so later on we had our family reunion in georgia and one morning our family down there paid us a visit in our hotel. laura was in our room and if i recall correctly i was likely still a bit sleepy. for whatever reason she started in on me quick trying to get a conversation with me. i kept giving a basic answer.

for example she wanted to know what my roommate’s name was i just gave her a first name, “what’s his late name?” then i gave his last name, but basically while i may generally be introverted others who were observing the situation realized how uninterested i was in conversing. it seemed for a moment laura didn’t quite get the hint. my mother noted years later that she saw how uninterested in talking i had been and saw her sister just switch gears quick after realizing that this convo wasn’t progressing.

just to show how tenacious laura was other than trying to get a last name for my roommate she saw me take out a mint and was quick to ask me for one which i complied silently. she’s often very quick to just do that as later when we toured a landmark in atlanta that day she did it to me again when i bought some candy from a store before going back to the exurbs.

there are further stories of this that will be expanded upon later. laura and i haven’t really interacted with each other very well over the years. and i recognize sometimes that people who try very hard don’t get very far with me. bad news is that if i find myself feeding into some idea or some unfortunate behavior all i can do is add the necessary ammunition.

to be honest she wasn’t the first family member whom i haven’t done well with over the years to connect with me on fb. another one of my aunts came to chicago, in a story to be told later to help out around the house and she has been great. she friend requested me not only once but twice as she has two accounts. i kept them unanswered for a number of years. the shitty part about this is that when going to school in georgia she has helped me out the most back then.

also one of my cousins have friend requested me. i hadn’t done very well with her she had to call me out once because i did something that was out of line and i can say that yes i did. on the other hand it caused some distance on my end and she accepted it although she has her moments where she tries to be the bigger person and i’m not receiving it. anyway she’s another one whose friend request will for the time being remain unanswered.

as for laura for the time being i won’t answer her friend request.

day after christmas

my mother was discharged from the hospital finally. of course her appointments aren’t likely to change. there is a need to clean the house and of course for a little bit of time she has to wear a mask. her immune system was weakened by her recent treatment although her treatment has seen her fracture finally heal. my mother said something about abnormal cells in that particular bone.

we had to stop by an aunt’s house – one of my dad’s sisters. she has a xmas party almost every year. she wanted to fix a plate for us and we dropped by. because my mother had instructions to stay away from places with a lot of people she stayed in the car while i went in and waited for a plate. either way my mother got a call from her own sister saying that she was at home. we got the plate and headed back home.

my other aunt was on the ready to help us out a bit making some plans for the house in light of my mom’s current situation. she used to come over and help clean the house in the past though these days she lives much further away. the next day after my mother got out of the hospital she helped push up an easy chair upstairs so that there will be a comfortable chair in living room.

also there is some anticipation of other relatives from out of town dropping by in the near future. so we’re attempting to get ready for that also.

the night before on xmas eve after visiting my mother i went out driving after leaving hospital. just drove around chicago a little but and it’s not often that it’s just me and her vehicle at home. admittedly she purchased insurance for me so this i won’t get caught flat footed in case something happened out there. thankfully this is not something that has come to pass.

drove along lake shore drive, then drove into downtown chicago by my job. made a stop at the nearby theater to see what was playing but decided there wasn’t nothing for me to see on that occasion. drove my navy pier and then went further on lake shore drive to the north side. drove along broadway up until i got into wrigleyville and drove past wrigley field.

then began my return home on the south side driving on the magnificent mile and then through the loop, even drove through the show. just circled seeing the shopping center it’s located in. as a matter of fact the last time i drove there it was in one of my mother’s old vehicles this was the first time i drove by in my mom’s new car. then finally stopped by for a polish sausage near maxwell street before returning home.

now we see how everything goes from here. without a doubt the past two weeks have been most interesting…

updates

adobepresenterupdate

my mother told me she’s going back to the hospital. over the last few weeks she had been undergoing procedures to set her up for another procedure which involves bone marrow and blood plasma. this isn’t surgery where she will be under anesthesia, however, she’ll still be gone for about 10 or so days.

recently, she spent overnight at the hospital because a “portal” placed on her for the coming procedure caused some bleeding and they needed to give her some sutures. i was a little frustrated and she likely was also because a lot of waiting on her part. in my case i was waiting because they needed someone on ready especially if she’s not 100% and often that person was me.

i’ll be alone at home for 10 days and i’m unsure what to do. if i had those kinds of relationships with women one could stay home with me during those days where my mother’s gone. however, it does seem a little unseemly doesn’t it or not when i’ve had that type of relationship and she doesn’t mind it.

i’ve begun to realize as much as my personality has been described as a loner, i don’t like being alone in a not so big house. it is really important for me to share my life with someone and often skirted this for a number of years. just not sure how to start on this when i should’ve started at least in my teenaged years.

to be sure this is the worst time for me to think about these things. my mother is undergoing her own health challenges with the issues involving a compound fracture in her hip/thigh area. but i have a place to stay and no one by myself for the time being.

also, i’ve struggled with the idea of being a part-time caretaker. thankfully she’s largely able to take care of herself and when she finally comes home there will be people coming over to keep an eye on her. i literally don’t relish having to be in that role and sooner or later this has to be communicated. this is only because i’ve finally gotten to the point where i want to actually live life and if i don’t do it now it’ll just get much harder.

the idea has crept in my head that it’s time to move. i’ve spent most of my life at home and then going to the liberal arts college, but it’s time to be in my own place. unfortunately i’ll still likely be alone, but it’s past time. it helps that i’ve finally found a job where i can make good money and grow after almost 5 years at the stagnant minimum wage. i saved enough money where i can do that and perhaps still get a little car.

in the meanwhile how can i possibly manage being at home by myself while my mother is away at the hospital. also it’s very important that i hope for the best as always!

my late dad’s birthday is coming up

when jack v loses his dad…

i often have stated that my dad passed away when i was 17. his death was due to a stroke, but often i attribute it to his alcoholism. he just couldn’t stop drinking and seemed unwilling to seek help to beat his addiction.

over the years i’ve known him to quit cold turkey only to go back to drinking. also he had high blood pressure and unfortunately he tended to stop taking the medication to address his condition. he seemed to not be able to take medication and drink alcohol at the same time.

either way one morning in march he went to his lonely job as a nightwatchman at a facility where it was just him by himself and he never came back home. the next shift started looking for him and as it happens he was found on the floor. who knows how long he had been unconscious, however, he was gone in almost three days time. if anyone had gotten to him sooner who knows if he’d be OK, but all i know is he just had to go to work that night. due to his alcoholism this didn’t seem like a job he took very seriously.

immediately before he passed away i was unsure of our relationship. he was a rather temperamental man who came up with his ideas out of his blue. often he could be angry when he was sober and easily as he would be when he wasn’t. my mother and i feared he was a ticking timebomb. it went off in an unexpected way.

sometimes i wonder how life would’ve turned out for me back then. often i did a lot of talking about what i wanted to do but little uncertainty as far as getting started. my mother figured college was in the future but to be honest it was too far in the back of my mind. that was because i had little concept up until going to a community college about how it goes and what it entails.

on the other hand due to my interest in militaristic like science-fiction i was keen on joining the service. it was slightly more easy to have a concept of that, but after my dad’s death i’m not certain how that would’ve worked out for me. i feel at my age i missed the boat on that although yeah i can still join the air force at least.

either way it probably would’ve been easier to risk going away to school earlier than i had with little idea of that world. or it would’ve been easier to risk joining the service as i had some interest. alas neither was a path i immediately took when it was time to make my decision on after high school life.

my mother at some point before my dad’s death sat me down to map out my future and i feel as if i didn’t want to map anything out. perhaps i thought i had it figured out or was just unwilling to make any serious plans. all the same, i wanted what i wanted and decided that i didn’t need my mother to create a map for me. of course this explains why i didn’t have a plan when i graduated from high school.

lately i traced my reticence to move forward with my life to my dad’s death. it sidetracked me on a number of things more than i realize. perhaps my need to pursue a military career to leave home wasn’t as critical as i had thought. my mother wanted me in school, she thought i had the grades to succeed and to be honest she was wrong.

i look at all the time i spent trying to finish undergrad. my high school years had been a fluke being on the honor roll for most of my time. all the while i realized it was too easy as i never been so lucky during grade school. it seems that if it was of great interest to me my mother never really encouraged this as she believed college should’ve been in my future.

my dad had encouraged my brother to join the military more than my mother. sadly my brother didn’t last in the military due to an illness. and it took a few years for my brother to turn things around for himself just as it had for me.

i realize that back then i was not very willing to execute my own plans. i talked about the military but wouldn’t do the deed. when it was time to go to that liberal arts college i balked and was called out by a relative on it with the simple statement ” i heard that before”.

perhaps i still have some time to get something accomplished as far as what i would like to do in my future. hopefully something that my future children would be proud of. in spite of my father’s imperfections i hope there would be a third man with my father and grandfather’s name.

issues

question

on my ipad i have access to my mother’s emails. my mother has easy access through her own mobile devices both iPhone and iPad to check her home emails. i see all types of family stuff and that includes drama.

for example a few years ago cousin natalie – whom you may recall as a bit player in some episode involving a girl at college – has some drama that aired out in email form. her husband made an appeal to us – natalie’s family – via email to provide an explanation and to reiterate his love for nat.

to be honest that was uncomfortable and whatever small issues i had with nat up until that point, it was unfathomable that there would be trouble in their paradise. to be honest perhaps i’m cranky but i wasn’t a fan of her husband either. i used to call him a jackass, but i can’t say my reasoning other than because he married natalie and her and i weren’t that cool.

so a few days ago my brother wrote my mother an email. to paraphrase he doesn’t understand why my mother insists on her grandchildren – my brother’s children – email her instead of a quick phone call. he feels like she doesn’t want to be bother and feels she favors me because i have no children. huh! 😕

my brother and i have had our issues. and my mother and i have our issues. they flared up a bit when we came home from a family reunion. just disagreements between parents and their children and between brothers. only thing is that i’m really unsure about the nature of my brother’s issues.

at this point my only option is to stay out. and for the time being deleted my mother’s email from my iPad.